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(Pine PoV)
I strolled into the Professor's office right after Yuma. The position of first and last were hotly contested and I didn't care as much so I was third. I didn't not see what Peach and Rosé saw. It just wasn't for me. I understood the appeal to the man. He was forbidden and older and had edge to him. I got that. I was just a touch more down to Remnant about my chances with someone like that. Believe me, I got it. But what was I supposed to do? I may be beautiful but he was surrounded by girls of all sorts and colors like birds of paradise. So that's where I was at. A sort of apathy that came from knowing my chances were nada. Yes. He was handsome, powerful, and talented, and those were attractive features to have in a male hunter. It meant it was less likely that he would die horribly. That was the appeal in my mind at least.
I took a seat at the other table in his office and pulled out my school work.
If f is continuous on [a,b], and g is continuous on [b,c], and f(b)=g(b), and if h = f on [a,b] and h = g on [b,c], then prove h is continuous on [a,c].
Ugh. Math. What use was this for fighting monsters and people. Who gave a shit about the continuity of curves. I sighed as I stared at the problem. I had no idea how much work to show for something like this.
"Is there a problem?" Professor Strife asked. He at least taught a reputable class. Not something useless like math or literacy. I could read and do the basics. What did I need this for?
"Math. It's a problem. What's the point of knowing this stupid crap."
"Uh, so you can understand the computer science behind your equipment? In the Atlas Military I would have been lost without the classes here. I needed to know how my scrolls operated once Beacon Tower went down. Be real. It's important to know how the information systems you use work. That means knowing a bit of real analysis."
"So do you know how to solve this problem? You only attended school part of the way, right. You got along fine with what you had."
"I wouldn't say I got along fine. I struggled a great deal. Furthermore, my father educated me in computer science, mathematics, and physics. At least I think he did. So I understand a little about metamaterials like dust. Mang-Yills theory is critical to understanding dust. I was always headed down the path of becoming a living weapon. But that doesn't make me a mindless brute. Your education here is valuable and the teachers are happy to help you."
"So can you solve this problem?" I repeated the problem aloud to him.
"Well it's taken as given that h is continuous at every point but b. And at b the left hand limit equals the right hand limit equals the value at that point and you're done," he said. He reclined slightly. "I think that's all the work you need to show. I would check with Doctor Cauchy to be sure but that's pretty much the gist of it." I was quickly erasing my own epsilon-delta proof in favor of Strife's much shorter and cleaner one.
"So what, you're also smart?" I asked. I looked over to where the man sat behind his desk. He was tall and his blue tunic made his eyes pop aggressively out at me. I'd seen the hint of his semblance. Flight wasn't uncommon but it was rare for it to manifest in combination with other powers. Whatever that blue glow had been when I'd seen him beat Crystal down was his real power. He was exceptionally strong and fast besides being able to fly. He was some sort of brute-mover combination and he was towards the upper end of both scales if I was a betting girl. And I was a betting girl.
"Well I'm not mathematically creative but I get the job done. Like I said, my father taught me all about that stuff. He was a scientist. I think it would have been important to him that I know this stuff if things had worked out differently. I wouldn't call myself dumb either. I'm pretty fucking oblivious to a lot of the world, however. But I'm good at killing people and monsters. On that account I am probably creative."
"Killing people. Like these trophies?' I asked. My voice came out surprised even though I probably figured something like that would come up. I asked the other powerful hunter more anyways.
"You noticed those, did you? Adam Taurus. Raven Branwen. Tyrian Callows. Cinder Fall,. Cinder Fall," he said pointing at the katanas first then at the clawed submachine guns then at the glass blades. . then at the glass sword-bow.
"I've never heard of Tyrian Callows," I wondered.
"He was this serial killer I ran into in Anima and later again in Atlas."
"What's that like?" I nearly whispered. "Killing someone?" I hadn't considered it much myself. It would probably happen eventually. I suppose I could have argued that I wanted to be ready for that but really I was just morbidly curious. I wanted to know for me. I'd fought tons of people but I hadn't ever killed anyone and I wanted to know.
"It's hard and it's easy at the same time. It's one of the hardest things you'll face as a huntress but it can also be terribly easy. Think of the damage you could do to a civilian or a lot of civilians until somebody with enough power stopped you. That's how it's easy."
"And you're speaking from experience."
"I am," he agreed. "That's the real reason you have detention. You were irresponsible with your power. Not because you were out drinking. We couldn't give a fuck about that. Pardon my language."
I was fine with him swearing. It didn't matter to me. Instead it only seemed to highlight how small the age gap between us was. It felt like he was being more frank with me. He wasn't trying to avoid stepping on my toes and he was genuine. Better this than filtered in some way.
"But we didn't kill anybody," I pointed out.
"Young hunters often don't know their own strength in relation to a civilian. You train with other hunters and fight other hunters in tournaments. You lose sight of how weak civilians really are just as a matter of course. When I killed for the first time it was an accident. And the other boy had aura and hunter training and it still surprised us both, I think. Would you know how much of your strength to use to arm wrestle a civilian? Or do you think you would accidentally break their arm?"
"I suppose I would wait and see how hard they pushed against me."
"And what if you didn't know that they were a civilian or if they were a hunter. And you had to react or you might die. A little bit harder in that situation in the heat of the moment. That's how people die. People have died to young hunters who went to school here before. Out, late at night, and they get thrown into a situation where they have to respond and they acted with far too much force. I can say with certainty that I have no idea how much force to put into that hypothetical arm wrestling match. I'd probably accidentally break their arm without even trying. While trying not to, even."
"But you're a Brute. You have super strength more than just your average hunter. Aren't you taking it a little far when you expand that to every hunter in training? Not everyone is as strong as you are."
"But that's exactly my point. Civilians just can't keep up with us. And your teammate, Peach, is a Brute like me. She has to watch out. And so do you. You're not exempt just because you're a Mover. And Rosé has no semblance as of yet. She could still kill someone. You need discipline with the tools you have available. Because if you're not careful people will get hurt. And that shouldn't be on you. You're too young to live with regrets like that."
"But do you?" I hammered. I meant it to be biting but he seemed to take it in earnest.
He looked struck by my words and his intense blue eyes glanced away from me and stared at the wall for a hard minute. I waited. I was sure that he would bring an answer. I hadn't really expected one when I asked but one was coming. I could feel it.
"I do. I have so many. I don't want that for your team. For any team. My partner died when the school fell. If I would have had the power I have now back then, I could have saved her. But all the strength in the world doesn't matter to the flow of time. I can never go back. And afterwards when the rest of my team died I fell off the wagon pretty hard. I killed people for getting in my way. I regret all of that. I could have done more."
He looked so weak and tired in that moment. His sword hung behind him like a cross to bear. A symbol of his power and his incredible strength and might as a hunter seemed like it only represented his failures. It was hard to think of him as weak. We had spared and he had been fast enough to call out my teleports. He had been strong enough to make my arms shake. I'd tried sheltering behind my little round shield and he had pounded me into the ground in a massive downward swing which was hard enough to bounce me from the floor.
It was so hard, then, to look at him in that moment. He seemed thin and frail rather than broad and strong. I realized that he was collapsing in on his own body a little. Hunching in and bent slightly, he was folding inwards on himself.
"I regret the tournament's I've lost but that's about it," I searched for something to say. "Nothing like what you've been through. I'm not sure how I would handle something like that. My team and I haven't been together very long. But I still don't think I would handle it well."
"I hope you never have to. That's really why I took this position. Even though it was probably a mistake."
"Why? You're an excellent teacher. You work hard for us."
"It's in my regrets. I didn't want this to be one of them. I wanted to finally do some real good instead of slaying evil."
"Those are the same thing. Getting rid of evil is good," I disagreed with him.
"They aren't exactly the same. One is an addition and the other is a subtraction. Subtracting evil isn't adding good. They're inverses not contrapositions," he fired right back. "I want to add something for once instead of just being a force for negation."
"If you slay a monster or stop a murderer that's good too though. You're adding the lives that you're saving through the act. You are a force for light that way. You have to be. The lives you save on the other end of that picture matter and are added to the balance," I kept it up. It was important. I thought that removing evil was adding good. No matter what the Professor said. "If you stop a murderer before he kills then those lives you saved are added. You can't just ignore the people who would have died if you did nothing. That's dishonest. You're only looking at part of the picture that way."
I didn't get the sense that he agreed with me. He stayed quiet and looked deep in thought. He looked like he was wrestling with some pretty heavy stuff and maybe it wasn't really my place but I thought he could use some genuine help. He looked so bitterly lost and confused. He looked like a shocked puppy that wasn't quite sure why it was being shocked. He looked pathetic. And it disgusted me a little in a luring fashion that was hard to describe. If he could be so strong and yet so weak then so could I. I think that's what revolted me because in his weakened expression I saw myself and I wanted it stopped and cured.
My power was never a guarantee of success or happiness or anything like that. Having real power over life and death didn't suddenly make you inhuman or infaunus. You still were and you still had to deal with all the problems that were brought your way by simply being. Being was hard. You had to make real choices when you had the sort of power he and I did. Save a life here or try and save more there. How many people were dying right this minute because he was teaching us and not out kicking ass? There was an opportunity cost to everything and no decision was free from the weight of what could have been.
"Stop it." I demanded. I snapped it out at him before I could really help myself. He looked at me in surprise, blue eyes widening. "Stop feeling so sorry for yourself. You're going to make me sick to my stomach. You're still alive and you're doing your best right?"
"I suppose…"
"Then what's the problem?"
"It isn't that easy. Is it? Why do you attend school here?"
"To become a huntress."
"And do you think you'll magically become one as soon as you get handed your diploma?"
"Well no…"
"Real hunters are born in the field. If you really wanted to be a huntress the fastest way possible then you would leave Beacon and go out in the woods and ride or die. That's how you become a hunter."
"It's not that easy though."
"Of course not. You would probably die doing it. Ride or die, remember? But if you really truly only wanted to be a huntress you would do it. Or is life more complicated than that? Sometimes things get in the way and at times what holds you back is a part of you that you don't want to let go of. What will I be without this part of me? Will I be anything at all? If you look at me in the right light will I disappear without this piece of me? There is so much more than you know. Everything has a cost and sometimes you just can't pay up."
"Ride or die, then," I demanded. "That's what you said. You had better toughen up and find a way to live with yourself anyway or you'll die, man."
"'It's not that easy though,'" he parroted. Which was fair cop and I didn't have a good answer for him. I had no spark of insight or intuition that I could share that would solve this problem. It was hard. Damn near impossible probably. He had been through so much. Much more than I had ever thought and that was just him giving the spark notes version of his life.
"I don't have a good answer for you," I told him quietly. "But I don't like seeing people this way. You look exhausted. You look like… you look like you've had enough and there's no stopping you. I became a huntress to help people. Or I am becoming one at least. I can't even help you, can I? What does that say about me and the progress I've made? I think that's why looking at you right now is making me sick. It feels like it's my own failure staring me in the face. But what can I do?"
"You can't do anything. I'm not something that can be fixed and you'd hardly be the first to try so you should probably give it up. Don't you think?"
"Not really! You want me to give up? I'm not the sort."
"Everyone confronts a wall eventually. And I don't need your help. I don't want it. What would I do with it?"
"Find a way to manage your regrets," I ordered.
"That's not going to happen. At the end of the day I deserve this," he held out a palm in exasperation.
"I don't understand," I told him.
"You will. Your time is up, by the way. You can head on out of here. Thank you for the conversation."
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-WG
