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It was well known that Yang didn't let just anybody touch her hair but I had always been an exception. Almost.
Some of my first memories of Yang's hair. Yeah, the distant swish of the cloak and the petals and stuff too. My mother's voice and the feel of warm light and skin.
But there was Yang's hair next, golden and true. Much more firm than the silver imprint mom left in my heart. I could remember playing in the stuff, like a mound of straw and burying my face in it forever.
I didn't remember that day in the wagon. But I do remember the aftermath. I could hear my father shouting, his fear was the only thing that ever actually provoked his rage. When he finally stopped his tirade and let her back inside to see me and uncle Qrow her eyes were already red.
From crying, rather than anger.
He watched her run up to me and pick me up.
"Ruby, I'm so sorry." She'd sobbed and grabbed me so tightly in her arms. She cried too hard. I couldn't help but burst into tears with her.
"C-c-can I?" I asked. She pulled back and looked hard into my eyes. She waited patiently with tears running down both of our faces. I choked on the words, "can I brush your hair?"
She'd giggled as tears poured from her eyes. She'd nodded furiously and we both calmed down as I combed through the golden locks.
Then when I was older, I remember the two years that I had to wait before going to school, where I wasn't around my sister every day, if only barely. I remember waiting by the door for her to come back and to sit behind her and braid it, and brush it, and I could finally tell her all the things I'd been waiting to.
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We never found Jaune's body.
It was the implications of that which were the worst part.
Sure, we never found the relic either but that was secondary. My heart felt so heavy and fit to break at any moment.
It was like when Cinder incinerated Pyrrha all over again.
We found Ren and Nora, they'd died to some deep slashes and thrusts but that couldn't have been Jaune. There was no way. There must be some other explanation.
When Cinder had come back up my eyes had flared up again in her presence and I'd nearly blown her away with the power it had summoned. Emerald carried Cinder away while the other held us off. They escaped. They fled before our superior numbers especially when Blake showed up with reinforcements. I somehow couldn't even be happy about that either, seeing Blake again.
I felt like somebody had turned my heart and legs to lead and laid miserably in my bed at our rental. I could still smell Jaune's scent. A heavy, spice-like odor. It made my eyes water. Jaune, Ren, and Nora were gone.
"Ruby?" Yang knocked at the door. I knew she was worried about me. That was the only reason I responded.
"What's up sis?" It was weak.
"We… we need to talk."
"I keep telling everyone it wasn't Jaune. There must be something else happening."
"Ruby the marks on their bodies were consistent with Jaune's weapon." Yang sounded tired.
"Jaune wouldn't do that. All of you are doubting him. All of you think he killed them and took off with the relic but there was no need to do that! He could have betrayed me to Tyrion. He could have set us up in a dozen different ways. It doesn't make any sense."
"Ozpin said that the Grimm that was in there would allow communication. Communication between whoever and Salem. He says Jaune could have been a sleeper agent who only activated at the right code or phrase. No one thinks the Jaune we knew did it, Ruby. But he still did it."
"It isn't fair. Jaune would never. Not to Ren and Nora."
"Rubes…"
"Don't call me that!" I snapped more than I meant to.
"Ruby, we have to talk about what to do next. You should be there for that."
I curled up, wrapping my hands around my stomach. It just hurt so much. More than I could bear. The pain made me writhe against the sheets in agony.
"Ruby!"
"I-it just h-hurts so much." I sobbed out. "W-what a-ah-m I supposed to do?"
"We move on, Ruby. That's all we can do."
"I can't. Not from this."
"Ruby, I love Blake," Yang confessed sitting down next to me. "I know how you're feeling right now. When she left it took me months to pull myself together."
I grabbed fistfulls of my sister's hair and cried into it like I had when I was a young girl. I sobbed so hard it racked my body. The pain I felt in my chest was just too intense.
"But eventually I just had to. You know? You'll bounce back from this. I promise you will. I know it feels like so much right now but it will get better."
"No one expects you to be okay right now. Just do what you can." She held me as I cried. It didn't work, didn't make me feel much better. I missed Jaune's touch, the feel of his arms around me. I missed his aura, always so strong, so certain. So full. "Just do what you can and the rest of us will support you."
"Wh-what about Jaune?"
"We'll find him and do what we can for him."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know Ruby. I don't have all the answers. We have to assume Jaune is taking the relic to Salem. We have to stop her from getting her hands on the others too. Whatever that means. Whatever it takes."
"I don't wanna think about that anymore."
"No one blames you. Just take your time."
Yang stood up, leaving me curled up on the bed.
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I came down the steps in our rental for the first time in a day. Everyone looked over at me and I wished they wouldn't.
I sniffled.
"How are you Ruby?" Weiss asked, rubbing one arm with the other nervously. She was holding two mugs and she passed one to me, creamy and sugary just how I liked it.
I took it and wiped my face. Weiss was doing what she could for me. I met her blue eyes and saw a resolved strength in them. I'd always admired that quiet calm she possessed
How was I supposed to answer? That I felt like a fragile teacup? Set to shatter at a moment's notice and like nothing would ever be right again. I burned. They just stood there as I burned and no one would help. Could help.
Weiss was trying, reaching out to me desperately. Yang, too. I'd have to manage for them.
"A little better," I managed. "Not so good, though." I tried to smile but it was weak.
"We're here for you Ruby," Weiss said. "Whatever you need."
I needed Jaune. Weiss just wasn't enough right now. She was a lot but not enough. I felt like I'd never be whole. And I knew that he needed me. He needed us. Wherever he was he was hurting. His scroll feed had died and he was totally missing.
"I heard about you and Jaune," Blake muttered. "It can't be easy with what he did."
"I have all of you," I said. "And it's not what he did. Salem must have done something to him. He would never turn on us like that. Not on Ren and Nora either." I was adamant. They'd see. "He needs our help wherever he is. He needs my help even if he doesn't know it. Even if he's something else at the moment. And I'll be there to help him when we meet again." In my heart of hearts I knew I'd see him again. For now I had my partner, I had my team. I had my friends. That would have to be enough. Have to be.
Weiss gave me a weak smile back. She stood up and led me down the rest of the stairs and sat me down and kept one arm around me.
"What's our next play?" Yang asked. "We have no reason to stay here."
"With the Atlas embargo I worry for James next." Ozpin said through Oscar's lips. "Now that Salem," he emphasized, perhaps for my sake, "will soon have the relic of knowledge; it is imperative that we prevent the other relics from falling into her hands."
"These relics," Blake began, "what happens if she gets them all?"
"The relics all have power, for example it is the relic of creation which is responsible for levitating the upper city of Atlas. And with the relic of knowledge she can ask the lamp any question and receive a true and full answer. Both would be and are incredibly dangerous in her hands."
Yang let out a low whistle.
"The relic of knowledge has limits, for example only three questions may be asked every one hundred years. And it cannot answer questions about those events yet to pass."
"So the relics are an end unto themselves," Blake clarified. "She doesn't need them for anything."
Ozpin hesitated. He leaned on his cane. "With the relics," he went on at length, "all of them together, she can summon the old gods back to Remnant. That is what we must prevent. If the gods are summoned too soon, before humanity is ready, they shall wipe out their creation and humanity with it."
It was Qrow's turn to whistle.
"Lords above," Weiss murmured.
"Before humanity is ready?" Yang questioned. "What exactly does that mean?"
"While humanity remains divided."
"Before we have accomplished world peace?" Weiss sounded shocked.
"Precisely that."
"That's Salem's plan then. Why she keeps us divided," I determined.
"Yes. It is also why I try to unify the states across Remnant."
"We're not ready," Blake said. "The Whitefang alone is enough reason for them to destroy us all."
"Indeed. And why we should make our next steps to Atlas and prevent the staff of creation from falling into her hands. As I mentioned I fear for James. If he has turned on us as Leo had…" he let that thought hang in the air.
Weiss let out a smoldering sigh but said nothing. I rubbed her back and leaned on her shoulder. I knew she wanted nothing to do with Atlas. Not after she just escaped. She wanted to go back like she wanted a hole in her head.
"The borders are closed, though," Yang protested. "This is all well and good but how do we actually get in?"
"Argus," Qrow said. "Argus is still the largest military base outside of the kingdom. It's the one place that isn't closed or shut down. Get there, and we may be able to convince them to give us a ride to Solitas."
"I suppose we do have Weiss. That alone might be enough to convince them. And if we can get a message through to Ironwood he may make an exception," Blake plotted. "Perhaps you set up a code before you -um- died." She looked at Ozpin and Oscar.
"And James will be doing all he can to get communications up and running. It will be the fastest way to restore things after the Black-Out day," Ozpin agreed. "For once, time may be on our side."
"It might mean sending Weiss ahead alone." Yang picked out. "They might make an exception for her and not the rest of us. If you went on alone, do you think you could get a message to Ironwood?"
"Yes. I do." Weiss exhaled. She didn't make it sound pleasant. "If nothing else I should be able to get in contact with my sister and she works extremely closely with him."
"Well it's a plan, a loose plan which might be for the best under the circumstances," Blake said.
That made me miss Jaune. He was always the strategist and I shook slightly in Weiss's arms. She squeezed me closer to her with a concerned look. I'd need to stop worrying her. I'd need to be strong. I'd need to be better. Jaune was counting on me as were my team.
"Perhaps we should take time to remember the fallen. Argus is going nowhere and James is skilled at what he does. Closing the border was an excellent move, all things considered. At least at keeping the agents of Salem away. Unrestricted access might be more concerning and I suppose he's due a little paranoia under the circumstances. What happened at Beacon was… traumatic. For everyone."
I gave him a shallow nod. I wondered if I'd start to lose my team too the way Jaune had. That horrible thought was nearly enough to send me scattering across the floor. It was a hard thought to swallow, my team were just as mortal and could be unwound as easily as Jaune's had. I resolved to never let it happen. I imagined Jaune had made a similar resolution, though.
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"How are you really doing Ruby?" Weiss asked. We stood alone out in our little courtyard. I inhaled a shaking sigh.
"Not good Weiss. It's bad. It's really bad. You weren't there but Jaune was often there to help keep me going. When things were bad against Vernal and the Knuckelavee."
She rubbed my back. I leaned into the feeling of her fingers against my bare skin. Our aura overlapped slightly. Her's was a frigid yet familiar thing. The feeling was like being inside while it was snowing out. It was like holding a hot cup of chocolate in one hand and resting. You could feel the crispness in the air but it couldn't touch you. I breathed the feeling of it in. It was different from the almost-too-warm of Yang's aura or the flaring intensity of Jaune's.
"I know how much you must be missing him. Ren and Nora too."
I cried a little at their names. "They'd be happy, I think that they went out together. Finally," I said. "And you? Weiss? You never liked him!" I laughed a little.
"Hey! I started to see what you and Pyrrha were on about. At least towards the end. He was a good guy."
"He was so sweet. He'd do anything I asked him to. He would have killed and died for me."
"A big old golden retriever," Weiss agreed. "That must have been scary."
"A little. I mean who wants that kind of responsibility?"
"You know I'd kill and die for you too, Ruby."
"I know, Weiss. But… I just can't right now. Can't think about that. I don't want that kind of responsibility. And he became dangerous, too." I took a drink from my coffee. "And I got to watch him grow. I got to feel like I was a part of it."
"I saw him fighting Cinder. He wasn't doing bad. At least while his semblance was active. His semblance… do you think it might help him break out of Salem's influence."
"Probably." The semblance was about the soul. Even if she poisoned his mind there was that piece of him that had to remain, right? "Weiss, do you think he's out there right now? Alone and scared?"
"Have you met Jaune recently? I think Salem should be scared of what he's going to do to her. He's going to cut her head off. He's pretty particular about revenge and I think Ren and Nora will count."
"That's only if he isn't blaming himself. Do you think he knows how much we all love him?"
"He's in pain, wherever he is. That's for sure. I… Even if he breaks free I'm not sure he'll be able to live with himself." Weiss played things straight. Jaune did that too. He never lied to me, even to comfort me. I think that's one of the things I liked about him. He was always just there beside me anyways.
"You think he might take his own life?"
"If it's that or be a pawn of Salem's, I think it's a possibility."
"And there's nothing I can do about it." I cried a little more and Weiss wrapped me in her arms. I inhaled the scent of her pale hair. The tranquil creamy smell of her shampoo filled my jammed nostrils. I rested my chin on her shoulder.
"You'll be there. You'll be ready to help him. We'll be there to help him."
"How can you even say that? I wasn't there to help him this time."
"You can't blame yourself. You won. You drove back Cinder again. And the relic... well who cares about the relic. Ozpin mentioned he used some of the questions before he sealed it away. Sure it matters for the long term but none of that should matter to you right now. You just focus on getting better. And besides, this was all Salem's doing. She did this to him. To us."
"I know it's stupid but… he was such a good kisser too. That's really getting to me today. I could use some of that right about now." I cried a little more.
Weiss wiped the tears from my face as she gazed at me. She kissed my cheek gently. it wasn't quite the same, nor would I have wanted it to have been. It wasn't as full. She didn't have to lean down and make an effort out of it, not like Jaune would have. And he would have for me. Then she pulled me close again. We stayed that way for a long time. A long long time.
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-WG