(So the idiot who keeps bitching about diabetics in my reviews didn't learn his lesson and doesn't realize he's wrong and will always be wrong. I warned you dude, I'm gonna start deleting your comments now. You will always be wrong about this whole diabetic thing so just admit you're lying and fuck off, alright?
I'm just gonna keep deleting your comments so you're not gonna get your point across… stupid moron.)
Valentine's Day is meant to be spent being with the ones you loved. Your family. Your friends. Your husband. Your wife. Your secret gay lover your wife has no idea about… and her sister.
But of all things Valentine's Day had, mosquitoes were NOT part of the agenda. More specifically, mosquitoes that have been pumped with questionable chemicals and hormones to the point where when they sting, they infect the person with the special concoction. What does it do? No one knows. Who did this? No one knows either…
…Oh wait, I do. It was Goma. Who else uses animals for his questionably insane plans for world domination.
A large screen with the words PROJECT LUVBUG across the screen was shown in a dark room with a control panel underneath it. A mechanical claw suddenly grabbed a lever on the control panel and pushed it forward, subsequently releasing pink gas in a large chamber filled with mosquitoes, no doubt infecting them with the chemical and hormones Goma had created.
"Fēzu 1 ga kanryō shimashita. Fēzu 2 o hajimemashou. (Phase 1 is complete. Let's begin Phase 2.)" Santa the Eocarcharia sinisterly states as Goma giggles uncontrollably and maniacally beside him.
"Hehehehehaaaaaaaaaaah. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssss. It beginnnnnns." Goma creepily cackles before pulling a different level on the same control panel.
Up above on the surface of the ocean, six vats that stuck out from the sea suddenly opened, ultimately unleashing thousands of infected mosquitoes into the world. A pink swarm flew out of the vats and towards the nearby city a mile away
"Hahahahaha! HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAA!" Goma cackles loudly like a locked up asylum patient.
"Mamonaku wareware wa sekai o shihai surudarou. (Soon we will rule the world.)"
The streets of Sanjo City suddenly and quickly were covered by the pink swarm of mosquitoes within seconds.
"Sooooon. Very soon." Goma creepily states, unable to hold in his excitement.
"Eeh heh heh heh ha ha ha." Santa laughed in a monotone voice due to his translator.
But don't mistake the monotone voice, the chibi Eocarcharia's evil laughter was genuine. The pair continued to cackle evilly before soon the entirety of Sanjo City was covered in the pink swarm to the point where the streets were no longer even visible. Instead, only the rooftops of the buildings tall enough were only shown sticking out from the pink swarm below. All while the pair continued to loudly cackle evilly in their hidden lair as their plans for world domination had finally begun.
"Heh. Hehehehaha! Hahahaheh!"
"Eeeeeh heh heh heh heh ha ha ha!
"EHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAA!"
*Seven Nation Army Glitch Mob Remix plays…*
I'm gonna fight 'em off
MAX TAYLOR
*Max is shown riding on a horse*
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back
REX OWEN
*Rex looks up into the sky as a huge shadow passes over his face*
They're gonna rip it off
ZOE DRAKE
*Zoe drives around the city recklessly as she puts the pedal to the metal*
Takin' their time right behind my back
URSULA, ZANDER, ED, DR. Z
*The gang stand tall and proud as their logo appears behind them with Dr. Z cackling evilly in front of them*
And the message comin' from my eyes
Says, "Leave it alone"
FRANCIS
*Francis walks out of a field of smoke wearing a gas mask*
*beat drop; epic part*
*Terry roars viciously at an opponent; Spiny slams his tail against a pillar, completely obliterating it; Chomp rams through several vehicles with his horns*
Yeah!
*Paris fires out Emerald Garden; Tank smashes through a wall and roars; Ace steps on a muddy puddle and roars into the air*
*the D-Team and the Alpha Gang are standing on a mountain side cliff with their chibi dinos standing either on their shoulder or beside them. Zoe is holding Paris in her hands, Ace is standing next to Rex's legs, the Alpha dinosaurs are standing next to each other as their owners stand over them, and Francis is shown kneeling down as a chibi Pachycephalosaurus stands idly next to him; Max, with a scowl on his face, aims his DinoShot as his hair flows through the wind as Chomp sits on his head.*
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back!
Dinosaur King: Prehistoric Peril
Yeah!
"This is Channel 69 News!"
"Good morning, this is Channel 69 News and I'm your host, Richard Head."
"Yes, and I'm Amanda Hump." the regular newswoman adds in her own name.
"Yes, shut up." Richard rudely responds. "Our top story, Sanjo City has been plagued by what appears to be pink mosquitoes. Yes, you heard that right, folks. Pink mosquitoes. As if regular mosquitoes weren't bad enough. Where did these mosquitoes come from and what are they doing infecting our city? Nobody knows."
"From careful studies," Amanda begins. "the authorities have determined that instead of sucking out the blood from our flesh bodies, the mosquitoes are instead injecting what appears to be a pink liquid into our bloodstream. After careful analysis, the authorities have confirmed that the pink substance is in fact NOT deadly. Just really, really annoying. When under the effects of the pink substance, the infected individual suddenly grows a deep admiration for a person named Goma. Wha- What is that? Egyptian?"
"I thought it was Cantonese." Richard replies.
"Either way, the mayor has dismissed this infestation as not a crisis and when asked what he would do about it, he said 'I even like to light girl's farts and smoke them.' The authorities also confirmed they aren't going to do anything about it as they have more troubling matters to attend to, such as the serial toilet clogger that has been clogging public toilets for 5 months now. Now here's Phil with the weather."
"There's gonna be, like, rain or something. I dunno. I don't really care to be honest." the weather forecaster named Phil McCrevis lazily states with little interest in his voice.
The screen then cut back to the two news anchors, whom suddenly had the pink mosquitoes on their necks, their pupils turning into hearts instantly afterwards. "Thanks, stupid ass." Richard rudely thanks his colleague. "In other news, today is National Goma Day. Everyone, be sure to worship and praise your love for our lord and savior, Vincent van Goma or you'll be called a loser and will be given the silent treatment."
"Also you'll be sent into the dungeon where you'll be fed fish heads while rooming with a mildly annoying roommate that has an affinity for rock collections for the next 10 years. Happy Goma Day, everyone!" Amanda cheers.
"Happy goddamn Goma Day, you assholes!"
"I think there's gonna be, like, a hurricane too." Phil says in the background.
The holographic TV was suddenly turned to mute where it was revealed that it was being played in the war room of the Backland, with Zoe being the one to mute the TV. "Dear God," Dr. Z grimly says. "they still haven't caught the Toilet Clogger? He's a sick, dangerous son of a bitch."
"Oh joy," Max sarcastically and annoyingly says while resting his cheek on his palm. "another- another Goma plan. I- I wonder what stupid idea he got this time. H-Honestly, I thought he died when I threw him from a window at that Mexican hotel back in December."
"He has wings, Max. He can fly. You know that right?" Rex questions his best friend.
"Shh. You. Shh." Max responds by shushing his friend.
"I guess we're gonna have to stop him and his dastardly… annoying plans for world domination once more… again." Ursula annoyingly states while filing her nails.
"To think he has unlimited funding for his world domination plans but he can't pay rent on time." Francis comments while playing Animal Crossing on his DS.
The moment was suddenly interrupted when an explosion blew a small hole on the roof of the Backland where a small chimpanzee wearing a captain hat, a flower patterned button shirt and a single ear ring flew into the room with a jetpack and landed right on the table. Almost immediately afterwards, the chimpanzee began roaring and howling loudly in the air like a crazed animal… which it was so it's the perfect analogy.
"Jesus Christ, what is that?!" Max shouts in horror as he jumps from his seat and hides behind his chair.
Everyone else either mimicked his movement or hid under the table to get away from the raging chimpanzee, except for Francis whom just continued to play Animal Crossing. "It's a monkey!" Ed answers in a scared tone.
"Why is it wearing clothes and a jetpack?!" Max frantically asks as he cowered behind his seat.
"Oh yeah, uh, he's Goma's chimp assistant he stole from the zoo one day and modified him with his own DNA and an intelligence enhancing serum so now this chimp has human intelligence." Francis blandly replies.
Everyone just stared at the raging chimp that continued to howl and roar on the table while jumping up and down and throwing things at the wall and tossing papers everywhere. "I can see." Zander comments.
The chimpanzee suddenly stopped his impotent rage before clearing his throat and standing upright… or as upright a chimp can stand. "Excuse my inappropriate outburst, my fellow compatriots." the chimp greets in an overly dramatic American accent.
Needless to say, everyone - sans Francis - were surprised by the talking monkey. "What?" Zoe questions aloud.
"Hey, Poopy Kong." Francis greets the chimp now formally known as Poopy Kong.
"Poopy Kong?" Ursula repeats in bafflement at the stupid name.
"Greetings and good afternoon, Francis." Poopy Kong politely greets the teen. "Might I ask how your 'repo' job is doing."
"Uh, we- we don't talk about that." Francis nervously replies, glancing around the room.
"Very well then."
"Francis," Ursula sternly calls out. "who the hell is this?"
"I just said Poopy Kong. Were you not paying attention?"
"Hey!" Dr. Z yells at the monkey. "I'm the only mutant animal here you monkey! I will feast on your corpse!"
"My apologies my prehistoric comrade but I am not a mutant. I am 100% pure chimpanzee… give or take the modified DNA my master provided me." Poopy Kong replies.
"Oh. Okay. Sorry." Dr. Z calmly apologizes in a monotone voice before sinking into his seat.
"What're you doing here?! We don't have bananas!" Max yells at the chimp.
Poopy Kong grew a somewhat angered look in response. "That is extremely speciest of you but I'll ignore it." he tells the teen. "My master has given me the task to give you… this holographic message."
Poopy Kong suddenly reached into his suit and pulled out a device resembling an iPad before tossing it onto the table where immediately a hologram of Goma appeared in the middle of the room. "Greetings, humans and zdravstvuyte (Hello)." Goma greets in Russian. "Yes, Goma is learning the Russian language! In the likely event that he'll have to beg for his life. Why you humans might ask? Well, therein lies a tale of heartbreak, horror, and betrayal! Short version: Goma owes $15,000 to the Russian Mafia."
"How many gangs and crime syndicates is he in debt to?" Zander asks aloud.
"He owes 20Gs to the Yakuza." Francis comments.
"It has been quite a fortnight-"
"Ew." Max mumbles in disgust.
"-since our last encounter in the North Pole! Since then I have been devising and planning and scheming in my hidden lair!"
"He has a lab underneath our backyard shack." Francis reveals.
"And I have come up with possibly my most evilest and dastardly plan yet! Goma continues. "Behold, mortals Goma's Challenge! Were I to utter a single detail of this challenge, your puny world would be destroyed and turned to ashes. Welcome to your nightmare, humans: READING!" Goma suddenly held up a manual titled 'Goma-Ball' that was crudely drawn in crayon and looked to be drawn by a toddler.
"Oh God!" Dr. Z looks away in horror.
Goma then retracted the manual away from the screen. "Don't look too closely at the fine print of THIS challenge, mortals." he continues. "For the contents inside have been infested with my latest creation your human scientists would call MOSQUITOES! Yeeeeees, human! There was a significant infestation of a mosquito colony in Goma's basement which gave me my idea of world domination! Come down to Sanjo City Stadium to try and stop me if you dare. Mwahahahahahahahahaha! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! HAAAAAAAHAHAHA-" Goma then suddenly began coughing and hacking violently. "GAH! SHIT! I CHOKED ON MY OWN SPIT!"
The holographic message suddenly ended, leaving the entire room to ponder on his world domination attempt. "He gets more annoying each time." Max says aloud.
"Anyone else notice he keeps using animals for his world domination plans?" Zoe questions everyone. "Turkeys. Beavers. Now Mosquitos. What's next? Lizards?"
"I'm surprised he hasn't made a whole army of intelligent monkeys like Poopy Kong over here." Zander points to the chimpanzee.
"Actually, he did intend to do just that." Poopy Kong reveals.
"Of course." Max rolled his eyes.
"But then he saw that movie Planet of the Apes and quickly forgot the whole idea afterwards. It's what lead him to breaking me out of my confinement from the zoo and granting me human intelligence, thus bringing me to life and granting me free will!"
"Question!" Ed raised his hand in the air. "Why is the clock on the tablet going down?"
Sure enough, there was indeed a timer on the tablet that was counting down from 10, currently on the number 6. "Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that these messages self-destruct afterwards. My apologies my homo sapien compatriots." Poopy Kong politely apologizes before turning on his jet pack. "Farewell friends. Best wishes and good health to you all."
With that, Poopy Kong flew out of the Backland through the very hole he had created, just in time for the tablet to explode and cover the entire room in smoke. Everyone coughed as the smoke dissipated, revealing everyone to have soot all over their bodies, leaving them a smokey color. "Ugh. I hate that guy." Max comments aloud.
The D-Alpha Company eventually made it to Sanjo City Stadium, which now obtained a giant decoration which was just a giant papier-mâché model of Goma's head. Even the name of the stadium was changed from SANJO CITY STADIUM to XL SUPER ULTRA GOMA EXTREME STADIUM along with purple banners with a symbol that had Goma's three white hair tips, the small diamond on his forehead, as well as plain white eyes. Needless to say he has considered this his symbol for his Shadow Empire.
"I like the banners, the new look. Very nice." Ed comments on the stadium's new appearance.
The team approached the main gate which was currently being guarded by just two people - Chompski (me) and Drew Luczynski, both of whom wore T-Shirts that read: I joined the Shadow Empire and all I got was this T-Shirt with a picture of Goma's manic smile plastered on it while carrying golf clubs as weapons. Their pupils were also heart shaped due to being infected by the Lovebug virus.
"Halt!" shouts Drew. "None shall pass beyond this gate unless you are a follower of Goma's Empire or pay the 800,000 Joolum fee."
"What's a Joolum?" Zander whispers to Ursula.
"Might be Goma's homeworld currency, I dunno." she guesses.
"Or you can purchase a ticket right over there to get in for free." comments Chompski.
The team turned to the right to see a massive line of people waiting to get tickets. "I've been standing in line for 10 hours but it'll totally be worth it to hear Goma sing live during half time." comments a customer.
"Yeeeeeeaaaaaah, we're not standing in that long line." Ursula states aloud.
"Goma requested for us to come here. In fact he practically dared us to." Rex tells the guards.
"Oh my! The Emperor has requested their presence! You should feel honored." Drew exclaims in shock.
"Funny, I feel kind of queasy." Max retorts back.
"However," Chompski says. "even if you have been requested by the Emperor himself, you still cannot pass without answering this riddle created by Goma himself."
"Which of the following would Goma prefer?" Drew asks the group. "A. a balloon. B. a king sized candy bar. Or C. a flawless plan for total world domination."
"Choose!" shouts Chompski dramatically.
The team briefly glanced at each other before suddenly huddling together, whispering amongst each other as they pondered on what answer they would give. "I know Goma the most, he would go with C." Francis whispers.
"No, no, no. I think it's A." Max whispers.
"What if it's B?" Rex wonders.
Max stuck his head out from the huddle. "Uh, is the balloon Goma's favorite color?" he asks the two.
"No! It is his most hated color! Lavender!" Chompski unnecessarily yells.
"Then we'll go with that world domination plan." Zoe answers.
"Correct!" Drew exclaims.
"We also would've accepted the candy bar." Chompski chimes in.
"You may enter! Open the gate!" The team waited for the gate to be opened, except it never did. "Oh wait. I'll do it. Hold on." Drew approached the gate station and pressed a button, finally opening the gate and allowing entrance to the stadium. "There we go."
The team said nothing and instead just approached the gate… only to be stopped by Chompski once more. "Halt! None shall enter without- oh wait, you already answered the riddle. Nevermind. You're good." Chompski apologizes to them as they enter the stadium.
After a few minutes of walking they had finally entered the field of the stadium where it was revealed to be filled to the brim of people, all of whom were cheering loudly while wearing Goma style merchandise. Such as T-Shirts, hats, foam fingers, even hats that resemble Goma's tri tip hair. "Let's go Goma! Dun dun! Dun dun dun! Let's go Goma! Dun dun! Dun dun dun! Let's go Goma!" the fans cheer as they clap their hands in rhythm.
"I LOVE YOU GOMA!" shouts a random lady before flashing everyone by lifting her top up.
"I WANT YOUR CHILDREN!"
"OOO! SIGN MY ASS!"
"Man, they must be under the Lovebug virus if they're this crazy for some nimrod." Max comments.
The entire stadium suddenly went dark before Goma's voice was heard over the loudspeaker. "HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!" he maniacally laughs.
The group looked at the far end to see smoke enveloping the entire end goal before it suddenly dissipated, revealing Goma to be in a brown leather chair with two women on the arms rest, both caressing the purple alien while he had an evil smirk on his face.
"Exterior the Tunnel of Love!" he begins. "We zoom in on a sad, lonely loser who was dumped by his girlfriend holding a tear stained letter. The loser is YOU! That's right! Goma has been working hard on a movie that he's been filming! It's called the Tunnel of Death! It's a psychological horror based on Goma's passed failed relationships. It'll be a box office hit! Hahaaaa!"
"So what annoying challenge do you have for us, Goma? Suck your toes, kiss your feet?" Max sarcastically asks.
"Ew. What? No. The hell's wrong with you?" Goma asks the teen in genuine disgust. "You have been summoned to participate in a game! A unique game created by Goma himself! A game that will decide the fate of your puny world! Whether it shall be under my full control or left in the careless hands of you humans, which you'll no doubt be the cause of your own extinction in the next 300 years!"
"…Is that actually true?" Ed worryingly asks his friends.
"I actually believe that." Francis openly states. "We humans are notoriously dumb and selfish. I'm surprised we haven't killed ourselves yet with all the wars and internet arguments and Fortnite."
"The game is called…" Goma then suddenly turned to the two ladies on his lap. "Uh, excuse me ladies." The two ladies hopped off his lap, allowing Goma to stand up and push a button on his chair, turning the big screen of the stadium on. "GOMA BALL!" Right when he said that, the words appeared on the big screen.
"He named a sport after himself? Megalomaniac much?" Ursula asks the alien rhetorically in an annoyed tone.
"And I thought Dr. Z was full of himself." Zander mumbles.
Back at the Backland, Dr. Z was busy working on another obscure invention of his before suddenly feeling a disturbance in the air. He flipped up his welding mask and took a glance around him. "I feel like I'm being insulted." he says to himself.
"You should kill your friends." Bartholomew orders the mad doctor.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Well, I'm convinced."
"The goal is simple! You win, you save the planet. I win, you all become my slaves! I'll keep you all as pets and I'll only feed you once a day!" Goma dramatically exclaims.
"That actually could work because Ed needs to lose weight." Ursula comments, earning a glare from the fat man.
"Hey!" he yells in an offended manner.
"'But Goma, how does this magnificent, wonderful, STUPENDOUS game work?' you may be asking?"
"No." Max says from afar.
"Well it's simple! Take a look at the big screen." Goma motioned the big screen of the stadium where it was suddenly changed to a picture of Goma messily eating cake. "Whoops. Wrong one." The picture then changed to a crude drawing of instructions on how to play Goma Ball. "Each team will have six members with one of them being randomly selected to be the ball. The goal for the team with the ball is to try and score a point by getting their ball inside the other team's goal and into THE HOLE OF DESPAAAAAAAIR… copyrighted. The team that has the ball will not have a goalie, only the defending team will. The defending team is not allowed to score a point, their only sole objective is to protect their precious HOLE OF DESPAAAAAAAIR. Each team will be granted 5 minutes to score a goal and after the time is up, the two teams will switch roles, the Defenders will be the Offenders and the Offenders will be the Defenders."
"Seems simple enough." Ed comments.
"Wait. A person is physically the ball?" Ursula asks, only to not get an answer.
"Be warn, if you cheat in some way, such as attacking either your own teammate or your opponent or blocking the entire goal and preventing the ball from getting into the HOLE OF DESPAAAAAIR will result in a 10 minute penalty in the Closet of Shame!"
Goma pointed his finger to a normal porta potty with a piece of paper that read CLOSET OF SHAME taped to the door while someone was currently using the portable washroom. "*fart* Awwww, shit. My ass is on fire." someone groans in discomfort inside.
"I do NOT want to get penalized." Zoe mumbles in a disgusted tone.
"Wh- Wait! You said team of six right?" Rex asks.
"Correct." Goma answers as the two ladies rapidly kiss his cheek, leaving lipstick marks all over his face.
"But there's seven of us."
Goma pondered for a moment. "Hmmm. Good point." he states. "One of you shall defect to Goma team to make the teams even. Choose now or-"
"Francis." Everyone except Francis says at once while pointing to the team.
"What the fuck?!" Francis yells at his teammates with an offended look.
"It has been decided!" Goma loudly proclaims.
"What da hell, assholes?!" Francis was heard shouting in the background.
"Francis shall defect to Goma's team! The G-Straps! The G stands for Goma."
"Naaaaaw, you don't say." Max sarcastically replies.
"I'm not even surprised that's his team name to be honest." Zoe says with an unamused look.
"Don't worry guys." Francis suddenly says, his mood quickly shifting. "I'll just play poorly and sabotage my own team so that way you guys win easily."
"Also there is no sabotaging your own team otherwise you will endure the entire game by being in the Closet of Shame as well getting poked IN THE GENITALS WITH A TOOTHPICK! HAHAHAHAAAA!" Goma laughs maniacally.
"Nevermind."
"Friggin' knew it, dude." Max mumbles in annoyance.
"What's our team name?" Zander asks.
The big screen suddenly changed to show the two team names and their scores which read:
G-Straps: 0
Pansies: 0
"Oh, that's the worst team name ever!" Zander yells in anger.
"Bring out the G-Straps!" Goma loudly demands.
The crowd began cheering as the G-Straps entered the field, which consisted of Todd, Michelle, Mr. Stanley, and Dr. Drake, all wearing Goma themed uniforms. "Wha- Dad?!" Zoe exclaims in shock.
"Hi, Zoe!" her dad happily waves. "You should convert to Gomaism. They have free Enchirito Mondays! You ever thought about it?"
"I don't like enchiritos though!"
"Wha-?! We're not friends anymore." Max pouts while looking away, obviously joking and feigning offense of course.
"Wait, there's only five. Where's the sixth member?" Rex asks.
"Oh, you mean Goma's Ace in his Sleeve?" Goma rhetorically and mischievously asks while pressing a button on his chair.
"Uh, I have Ace with me." Rex points out.
The gates on the other end of the field suddenly opened as smoke and fog poured out onto the field while a shadowy figure marched their way through the fog. The group watched as the shadowy figure made its way through the fog, actually concerned and worried about who their opponent was. Eventually, the fog dissipated to finally reveal…
…a headless person.
"What?" Ed squeaks.
"Behold!" Goma shouts. "Goma's Star Player! Headless Zombie Tommy K! I- I don't know where his head went but the rest of his body will do."
"Wha- HOW?! HOW DID YOU DO THIS?!" Rex shouts in absolute bafflement.
"MAGIC!" Goma loudly shouts. "No seriously. Goma used a resurrection spell from a forbidden arcane magic book in the back of the public library and performed it on Tommy K's body after he dug it up at the cemetery. Granted Goma DID have to sell his soul to the devil as well as sacrifice his first born son as well as half of his bank savings."
"The devil is real?!" Ursula loudly yells in a panicked tone.
"The devil takes cash?" Zander asks in curiosity.
"You have a son?" Ed asks in genuine surprise.
"You wasted our rent money to resurrect some douchebag game show host?!" Francis questions the alien in utter confusion.
Tommy K's headless body suddenly flipped him off in response. "That's right!" Goma loudly confirms. "It was Goma's best investment yet! Now he has a headless zombie as his own personal bodyguard!" At that moment, Tommy K's headless body began doing the griddy dance. "For some reason, that's all it's been doing ever since Goma resurrected it."
Francis approached Todd whom was smoking a joint. "Hey, Todd. How's it going?" he asks the mute teen. Todd shrugged his shoulders in response. "Yeah. Same here."
Goma suddenly flew into the air. "The way we'll be deciding who'll be Defenders and who will be the Offenders will be the flip of a coin! Huzzah!" Goma flicked a coin down below where it was caught by Rex.
Just by taking one look at the coin, Rex realized something was up. "What's up with this coin? I've never seen something like this before." Rex says aloud.
Max peeked over his shoulder and took a quick look at the coin. "I think it's a Peso." he guessed.
"FOOL!" Goma shouts as he points to the teen. "That there is a Joolum coin! The currency of Goma's home world! You should feel honored that Goma is even allowing you to even touch his coin!"
"It smells like vinegar."
"Choose what side you want! The Lord or the Peasant. CHOOSE!"
"Lord!"
"Lord- Damn it!" Max shouts after Francis beats him to the punch.
"Ahahaaaa." Francis half chuckled in a bantering tone.
Rex flipped the coin before catching it and slapping it on his backside of his hand. "Lord." he calls out.
"Awwwwww!" Max groans in discouragement.
"Yesssssss!" Francis pumps a fist before running to his teammates.
"Alright, so how are we deciding who's going to be the ball?" Zander asks the alien.
Goma snapped his fingers and on command a hologram of a large wheel with pictures of the players' faces appeared over the field. "Behold! THE WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE!" Goma exclaims.
"Wow. So original." Max sarcastically replies with an eye roll.
"Let the wheel choose who shall be the unfortunate candidate to be the ball!"
"Wait- Wait. Hold on. Hold on." Francis suddenly speaks up.
"What's the matter?" the purple alien asks.
"Why is my team on there? I won the coin toss!"
"Yeah! Whoever wins the coin toss gets to be the Offenders and the chosen contestant of the WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE will be the ball. Pretty cool, huh?" Goma excitedly asks like a happy child.
"What?! That's so fucking bullshit!" Francis yells in rage.
"No, its not."
"Yeah, it is, asshole!"
"Nu-uh!"
"Yeah-huh!"
"The Wheel spins!" Goma exclaims as the Wheel of Misfortune spins before landing on Francis' face. "FRANCIS! YOU ARE THE BALL!"
"Fucking fuck you!" Francis yells in absolute rage.
"Haha! You're the ball." Max teases as he points and laughs at his rival.
"I knew I should've stayed in bed- WAH!" Francis' words were cut off when a giant inflated ball with Goma's symbol landed right on top of him before rolling forward revealing that Francis was stuck to the ball. "Is this caramel and glue?"
"Goma tried to create his own sticky substance to coat the ball but it resulted in 25 dead scientists and a $300,000,000 lawsuit so he just combined that sweet substance you humans call caramel as well as stealing some glue that belonged to someone named Elmer… I think he hunts wabbits."
"300 million?! What the fuck?!" Francis yells in both rage and shock.
"Don't worry. Goma turned them into zombies to cancel out the lawsuit. Although for some strange reason they only speak in a foreign language and constantly raise their arms at a 62 degree angle."
It took a while for our heroes to realize what he meant. "Nazi Zombies. He turned them into Nazi Zombies." Ursula states in an annoyed tone while facepalming herself.
"I'm so sick of Nazi Zombies! It's so overused!" Max loudly complains.
"Goma," Zoe suddenly calls out. "that ball is giant. How do you expect us to move that thing? I bet it weighs at thousand pou-" Zoe suddenly pushed the ball only to realize that it wasn't at all heavy in the slightest. Just a huge beach ball if anything. "Oh… Oh wow. This is- This is actually really light."
"Don't do that! I'm gonna squi- AH!" Francis' yells before he was suddenly squished by the ball as it turned over.
Goma suddenly clapped his hands as a hologram of the scoreboard suddenly appeared over the field. "The first team to reach 5 points wins! Let the game COMMENCE!"
ROUND 1
OFFENDERS: G-STRAPS
Because there weren't dinosaurs allowed in the game, the D-Alpha Company's dinosaurs were forced to watch from the sidelines where they were shown sitting on the side benches. Both Chomp and Spiny were holding signs, with Chomp holding it in his mouth and Spiny with his claws, that read "Go, D-Team!" and "Alpha Gang FTW!" respectively while Paris slept soundly on the ground beside the bench. Meanwhile, Terry was being the bully like he always is and was tormenting, and by that I mean just keeping his foot on Ace's tail while the chibi Carnotaurus tried his best to run away… he failed though. Tank and Pachy meanwhile were either sparring or fighting where the Saichania was continuously bashing her tail against Pachy's skull.
Honestly, who knows if they were sparring or fighting. Not even I know and I'm the damn writer.
"Remember Francis. Beeee the baaaaall." Dr. Drake tries to encourage the trapped teen.
"I AM the ball! Just don't hit me that hard." Francis reminds the quack doctor.
"Someone say hit the ball?!" Michelle excitedly asks as she charges towards the giant ball.
"Nooooo, I said DON'T HIT TOO HARD!" Michelle punched the inflated ball with all of her might before Francis could finish his sentence, causing the ball to fly towards the other side of the field and towards the opponent's goal. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Oh my GOD!" Ursula screams as she and everyone else ducked at the last second as the ball flew over their heads.
The ball flew towards the goal which was a giant hole in the ground, much to Francis' horror. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" he yells in terror as the ball enters the goal, sounding the buzzer as the score changes.
BZZZZZZZ!
G-Straps: 1
Pansies: 0
"Oh my God! They killed Francis!" Ed proclaims in shock.
"You bastards!" Zander shouts in rage at the opposing team, whom were busy doing a conga line.
The ball fell into the giant hole in the ground before suddenly disintegrating out of thin air, leaving only Francis to fall down into the depths of the unknown. "DAMN YOU GOMA! YOU DIDN'T EVEN PAY REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENT!" Francis shouts as he falls down the hole where a bright light was at the end.
When he reached the light however, he found himself back at the field revealing that the light was instead a portal which he entered, only the portal didn't teleport him back on the ground but instead shot him across the field where he landed in the stands, right on top of a small child. "Ow." the teen groans in pain.
"Do it again! I wasn't looking!" shouts a random fan in the bleachers.
ROUND 2
OFFENDERS: PANSIES
"Still don't like that name." Zander comments.
The Wheel of Misfortune spun before suddenly landing on Ursula's face. "Rigged! I call a rig- OOF!" Ursula's words were stopped short when the giant ball landed right on top of her.
"Okay, guys. All we need to do is protect the goal for five minutes. Think we can do that?" Francis asks his teammates, only to get various results. Results being such as Dr. Drake cuddling his giant needle, Mr. Stanley picking his nose, Michelle admiring Goma from afar, Todd smoking a joint and Headless Zombie Tommy K scratching the spot where his head should've been. "I don't think losing's gonna be a problem."
"HI-YAH!" Max grunts as he kicks the ball towards the opponent's goal. Like last time, the opposing team didn't get a chance to react as the giant ball was shot towards them, once again going over their heads… most of their heads. "Hahaaa!"
The ball flew towards the goal… only to hit the goal itself, bouncing off the rim and towards the other goal on the other side where it, along with Ursula, fell into the hole, scoring another point to Goma's team.
G-Straps: 3
Pansies: 0
"Way to go, Max. You scored on our own goal." Zoe annoyingly berates her friend.
"Not my fault. Someone put that goal in my way." Max comes up with a lazy excuse.
"Wait, why'd they get an extra point?" Zander asks, realizing the score at that moment.
"If any of the Defending team falls in the goal along with the ball, it counts as a point." Goma briefly explains.
"Aw what?! That's horseshit!" Max shouts in anger.
"Sorry. Goma does not make the rules, he just enforces them."
"YOU LITERALLY CREATED THE GAME!"
Meanwhile, Ursula was screaming at the top of her lungs as she fell down the hole while the ball teleported out of it, leaving only to greenette to fall by herself. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH… Come oooooon. I have a hair appointment at 4." Ursula annoyingly complains, realizing just how long the fall was.
Like with Francis, Ursula fell into the portal and was shot out across the field where she landed directly into a gallon of sports drink properly titled 'Goma's Juice'. She crashed into the barrel revealing the contents to be a purple colored beverage, covering her entire body in it. "Mmmm. Grape." she comments after tasting the drink.
"Ew. Why are you drinking my urine?" Goma asks the greenette in visible disgust.
Needless to say, Ursula herself was disgusted by this, evident when she spat out the drink from her mouth. "PFFFFFT! EUGH!"
ROUND 3
OFFENDERS: G-STRAPS
The Wheel of Misfortune once again landed on Francis, meaning he was the ball once more. "What?! I was JUST the ball LAST TIME!" Francis yells in rage.
"The Wheel never lies." Goma comments mischievously as the two ladies rapidly kissed his cheek as he ate a fried chicken drumstick.
"Goma, you motherf-" Francis was cut off when the ball once more fell on top of him.
Headless Zombie Tommy K charged forward and with all of its might kicked the ball… only to miss completely and kick Michelle in the ass instead due to lacking eyes. "Hey!… At least take me out to dinner first before you grope my ass." Michelle flirted with the headless zombie.
"Michelle, wattafahk?" Ursula disturbingly asks in the distance.
"I'll take it from here!" Mr. Stanley exclaims as he too charges at the ball.
Surprisingly, Mr. Stanley managed to kick the ball forward, shooting it towards the opposing team whom were ready to defend the goal. Zoe leaped into the air and smacked the ball away from the goal and right back at the air traffic controller.
"Uh oh." he says before suddenly being squashed by the giant ball.
The giant ball rolled across the field as Francis continued to scream in terror, his screams silencing whenever he was facing the ground. "AAAAAA…AAAAAA…AAAAAA…AAAAAA…"
The ball rolled towards Todd, whom was busy smoking a joint rather than playing a game. It wasn't until he heard the screams of his friend that he finally started to pay attention where he punched the ball with all of his might before sending it across the field, right towards Rex.
"I got it! I got it!" The ball swiftly rolled over Rex, whom in fact did NOT have it. "Nevermind."
The ball continued to roll towards another player, a certain purple haired fatso with a mechanical leg. Ed screamed in fear before kicking the ball away from him but due to his bionic leg, the kick resulted in the ball being shot like a bullet due to the bionic leg's strength.
"How'd I do that?" Ed asks himself.
Francis screamed at the top of his lungs as he was shooting towards the opposite goal at breakneck speeds. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Francis screams as he barrels towards his teammates.
The giant ball collided with everyone, except Todd whom didn't even move and instead continued to smoke his joint. The ball entered the opposite goal and fell in the hole where a loud DING! sound came out from the scoreboard.
"BOOMERANG! BOOMERANG! BOOMERAAAAAAAAANG!" Goma shouts in upmost excitement like a sports commentator.
The ball fell into the hole before teleporting away, leaving only the people - and headless zombie - to fall down the deep hole.
"AAH! AAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAA!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"GOODBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH… So, how are your guys' week?" Michelle suddenly asks her teammates.
"I got sued by a patient." Dr. Drake blatantly reveals.
"Aren't you a vet?" Francis asks the quack doctor.
"It was a parrot."
Before the conversation could continue, the group fell through the portal and teleported back to the surface where Francis fell to the ground first where he was then dogpiled by the rest of his team. First Michelle fell on top of him followed by Mr. Stanley, Dr. Drake, Headless Zombie Tommy's K's body… then Francis once more having mysteriously ended back in the air for some strange obscure reason.
"Congratulations, Pansies!" Goma announced to the team. "Because you managed to block the ball from entering your goal as well as knocking it into the other goal, you have shaved off a full minute off the clock! Congrats!"
Sure enough the timer went down from 4:32 to 3:32 on the board. "Hurray!" Ed optimistically exclaims with a pumped up fist.
The G-Straps all picked themselves up before groaning in pain when suddenly the giant ball fell on top of Francis once more, sticking him to the spherical object yet again. "This is getting old now." Francis mumbles in annoyance.
"Did you just call me old?!" Ursula and Michelle both yell at the same time.
Todd lazily approached the ball before slightly pushing it forward where it only went a few centimeters. Suddenly without warning, Todd punched the ball with all of his strength, sending it flying at the D-Alpha Company. Ed used his bionic leg once more to counter the ball, kicking it back at the other team all while Francis helplessly screamed in absolute terror while being shucked to the ball.
"I'M GETTING TIRED OF THIS!" he yells in horror.
As if things weren't bad enough, a familiar hologram of a slot machine appeared over the field, which only meant one thing. "Yes!" Goma loudly proclaims in excitement. "Play the Slots of Doom, fools! See what horrors awaits you!" The Slots of Doom rapidly changed before landing on a stick figure with a large head followed by another stick figure with a small one. "Yes! My favorite! Differently Sized Heads! Hahaa!"
On cue, every single player's heads either shrunk or grew to various sizes much to the shock and horror to them. "AAH! MY HEAD GREW!" Zoe shouts with an abnormally large head.
"Oh, God! My head!" Ursula shouts at her own large head.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I feel fine." Ed says with a shrunken head.
"Don't look at me! I'm slightly less handsome!" Max cries out while trying to cover his own large head.
"I hope Reese doesn't see this." Zander says to himself with a slightly smaller head.
Rex however was the only one who wasn't affected by the Slots of Doom outcome. "Uuuuuuh, why was I the only one spared?" he questions aloud.
"The results range from too small to too big. Your head either shrunk or grew by like a centimeter if anything." Goma explains.
"Maybe we should postpone the game until this thing runs out?" Francis suggests while stuck to the ball with a tiny head.
His suggestion went unanswered when Headless Zombie Tommy K suddenly punted the giant ball forward, him being the only one not affected by the Slots due to lacking a head. Francis screamed in utter terror before suddenly entering the goal and back down in the hole yet again. "I'M DOUBLING YOUR RENT, GOMAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Francis yells before teleporting back to the field.
G-Straps: 4
Pansies: 0
ROUND 4
OFFENDERS: Pansies
Off to the sidelines, Paris, Ace and Spiny were shown wearing cheerleader outfits fitted with pom poms, forming a miniature pyramid where Paris stood on top of Ace and Spiny while loudly - and crudely - singing. Tank meanwhile was waving a flag tied to her clubbed tail that read GO ED! while Pachy was, for some reason, chasing his own tail and showing no interest in the game. Chomp and Terry meanwhile were sitting down on the ground drinking and eating popcorn respectively, with Chomp stealing a few bits from Terry's bag.
Zander was chosen by the Wheel of Misfortune as the ball and by this time the Slots of Doom effects had worn off, meaning everyone's heads had returned to normal. "You know," Zander suddenly says while stuck to the ball. "my high school gym teacher did say I was good at being useless. Seems to me being glued to a giant ball fits that description."
"Bionic Kick!" Ed suddenly shouts while kicking the ball with his bionic leg.
The ball shot forward and due to Ed's bionic leg, the ball became like a speeding bullet with poor Zander suffering from breakneck speeds as his cheeks flew backwards. The G-Straps had absolutely no time to react and were all knocked into the goal along with the ball itself, earning the pansies a full score of 7.
G-Straps: 4
Pansies: 7
"Lucky shot!" Goma shouts from his floating throne in the sky.
"That wasn't luck. It was skill!" Ed boasts while showing his bionic leg. His moment was suddenly interrupted when Zander and the G-Straps all fell on top of him, dogpiling the poor fat man. "Ow."
ROUND 5
OFFENDERS: G-Straps
Max suspiciously stood beside his own goal before glancing all around him, realizing that no one was paying attention to him. He snickered mischievously before suddenly tossing a net over the hole, quickly bailing down stakes to keep it pinned subsequently. "Try to get in our goal now, losers." Max chuckles to himself.
Meanwhile, the G-Straps were getting ready to kick the ball with Mr. Stanley chosen as the designated kicker. "I ever tell you guys I was the top player of my college soccer team?" he asks his teammates.
"NOBODY FUCKING CARES!" Michelle rudely yells at him.
"You know, I'm starting to think that Wheel of Misfortune is rigged." Francis claims as he was yet again chosen as the ball for the third time in a row.
Mr. Stanley charged forward and kicked the ball with all his might, sending it flying over the D-Alpha Company's heads and towards their goal. Unfortunately, the ball bounced off the net and into the bleachers where several unfortunate attendees were squished by the giant ball.
"Hey! They put a net over their goal! That's cheating!" Michelle complains loudly while pointing to the other team.
Goma hovered over the field with an outraged look. "Who dares cheats in Goma Ball?!" he loudly asks.
All at once, the D-Alpha Company all pointed their fingers at Max, whom gave them an offended look in response. "Traitors!" he yells at them.
"For sabotaging the game, you are now penalized to stay in the Closet of Shame for the next 5 turns!" Goma orders the teen.
"Are you serious?!"
"Hahahaaaa! Yes! Goma is serious! Prepare yourself human for an eternity of suffering! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"
Max was briefly silent for a second. "No, really. Are you actually serious right-"
"GET IN THE FUCKING CLOSET!" Goma screams at the top of his lungs in utter rage.
"Okay!" Max quickly obliged before entering the Closet of Shame, which was - again - just a porta potty. "Why is it so detailed in here?" the teen's muffled voice asks from the inside.
ROUND 6
OFFENDERS: Pansies
"Please, for the love of God, score! I don't want to be the ball anymore!" Francis begs the other team.
"I feel like it's sexist that I'm the ball. Can we do a redo?" Zoe asks the purple alien while stuck to the ball.
"Hmmmm, let Goma think…" Goma feigned pondering before answering. "Nah."
"This is for all the times you've called me old lady, brat!" Ursula yells in rage before kicking the ball forward with all her might.
"SO NOT COOOOOOOOOL!" Zoe yells at the top of her lungs.
Dr. Drake suddenly stepped in the way with his giant Mega Needle in his head. "Don't worry, guys! The doctor is in! Heh. I always wanted to say that." he chuckles to himself.
He suddenly threw his Mega Needle towards the flying ball in an attempt to stop it from reaching the goal. Unfortunately, all this did was just poke a hole in the ball thanks to the needle, slowly deflating it before suddenly crushing the poor pinkette once she fell to the ground.
"Ouch." Zoe mumbles from underneath the flatten ball.
Goma, now wearing a referee outfit, blew a whistle and pointed to the veterinarian. "Penalty, Dr. Drake!" he loudly announces. "Rule #58: No deflating or making out with the Goma Ball! Head into the Closet of Shame for the next three turns!"
"Aw man." Dr. Drake sadly responds while he hangs his head down before heading to the porta potty to join Max. "Why is it so detailed in here?"
"I know! That's what I said!" Max's muffled voice was heard inside the porta potty.
ROUND 7:
OFFENDERS: G-Straps
The Wheel of Misfortune yet again had landed on Francis as he was once again chosen as the ball. "I don't want to be the ball anymore! Pachy, help me!" Francis begs his dinosaur partner.
Pachy however was shown lying on a lounge chair holding a tanning foil reflector while wearing sunglasses. Without even moving his head, Pachy slowly raised his middle finger - yes, he can do that - at his partner, much to his annoyance.
"Screw you too… dick head." Francis mumbles the last part.
"Alright! Now it's Michelle's turn!" Michelle loudly proclaims as she stretches her legs. "Watch out, Pansies! Because this one is coming straight at ya!"
The teacher charged forward and with all her might, kicked the ball forward where it shot towards the opposing team. "Don't worry, guys! My bionic leg will take care of this!" Ed optimistically exclaims stomping his metal leg on the ground.
Unfortunately, when he did, steam emitted from the leg followed by a female automated voice.
~Bionic Leg charging. Please wait 30 minutes.~
"Are you serious?!" Ed shouts in shock.
In the blink of an eye, the ball collided with all remaining five members of the team knocking all them as well as the ball into the goal, scoring several points for the G-Straps.
G-Straps: 9
Pansies: 7
"And the G-Straps take the lead!" Goma loudly announces. "Which shouldn't come as a surprise because it is Goma's star team after all. Only proves that Goma's team is the best team ever and every other team sucks!"
Off to the sidelines, Pachy, Terry, Spiny and Ace were all holding a large sign that read STOP BIAS COMMENTARY while Chomp, Paris and Tank were loudly roaring at Goma, not at all happy at his commentary.
"Sir, it appears our prehistoric opponents are not pleased with your commentary." Poopy Kong tells the alien, having shown up out of nowhere.
"Gye zi'ia! When did you get here?!" Goma questions his chimp assistant, startled by his sudden appearance.
"My apologies my alien compatriot." Poopy Kong kindly apologizes. "I was over in the concession stand ordering what appears to be a chocolate covered frozen banana. Might I add the price is ridiculous but the snack was indubitably delicious."
Right at that moment, the five D-Alpha Company members all fell from the sky after falling through the portal through the hole. "I still don't know how that hole works." Rex mumbles in pain.
ROUND 8
OFFENDERS: Pansies
The D-Alpha Company - sans Max - all huddled together to discuss a game ending strategy.
"Alright, guys." Rex begins to brief his team. "We need to end this game here and now. Not only is the city at stake here but also if we lose then we'll have to be Goma's slaves and that's probably not gonna end well. They're up by 2 points meaning we need to score 3 so try to aim at the other team to get more points, understood?"
"I'll try my best but I'm not really good at anything." Ed depressingly states.
"You need a dopamine boost badly, Ed." Zoe says to her friend.
The Wheel of Misfortune suddenly landed on Rex's face followed by the ball falling right on top of the blonde teen sticking him to it. "Aaaah! My neck!" Rex cries out in discomfort.
"We're not gonna let you score a point into our goal!" Michelle loudly proclaims.
"Yeah, what she said!" Mr. Stanley agrees.
"Hey, Francis! Rock, paper, scissors?" Zoe asks her boyfriend, holding up a fist.
"I will literally do ANYTHING than play this stupid game." Francis replies before the two began to play the hand game.
Ursula leaned next to Ed and whispered into his ear. "I'll distract the other team, you focus on scoring a point. Got it?" she debriefs her younger brother.
"I'll do my best!" Ed happily exclaims while saluting.
"My ex-husband could light a cigarette with my pussy." Michelle randomly stated.
"Too much information, man." Francis comments while playing RPS with Zoe, to which he lost.
"Hey, guys! Look! I'm naked!" Ursula loudly exclaims. This earned the G-Straps' attention as they all quickly snapped to her direction to see for themselves. Unfortunately, they were fooled, bamboozled, and overall played. "Haha! Made you look!"
Ed took this opportunity and kicked the ball as hard as he could as Rex screamed in utter terror. "WOAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he yells in horror. The ball collided with Michelle, Mr. Stanley and Headless Zombie Tommy K before entering the goal, scoring four points to the team and winning the game.
G-Straps: 9
Pansies: 11
PANSIES WIN!
"Yes! Wohoo!" Zander loudly exclaims as he and Ed high fived each other.
"That's what I'm talking about!" Zoe celebrates while hugging Francis tightly.
"Once again, I saved the day by doing absolutely nothing." Francis dryly comments while under Zoe's embrace.
"Was there ever any doubt?" Ursula rhetorically asks while flipping her hair.
"What happened? Did we win?" Max's muffled voice asks from inside the porta potty.
Even the chibi dinosaurs were celebrating, with Spiny and Paris holding paws and dancing with each other, Tank repeatedly bashing her tail against Pachy's skull, and Chomp, Ace and Terry all singing loudly… until Terry suddenly bit down on Ace's tail. The only one who wasn't celebrating was Goma himself, for very obvious reasons.
"Grrrrr." the purple alien grumbles in displeasure. "As annoying as it is, Goma must acknowledge that Team Pansies have won Goma Ball and are one step closer to saving their puny, pathetic planet."
Max suddenly stuck his head out of the porta potty. "Wait! You said f we beat your team in the game, that'd be it!" he yells at the alien.
Dr. Drake stuck his head out of the porta potty subsequently. "Hello again!" he exclaims.
"Fool! A successful fool!" Goma dramatically exclaims. "If you had read the fine print of Goma's Challenge, you would know that there is a second part included!"
"Bullshit!" Francis yells in anger.
Goma suddenly teleported to the field, no longer hovering over it and instead now standing on it, along with the two ladies whom continued to rapidly kiss him on the cheeks. "Yes! The twist of my movie - The Tunnel of Death - is me! Goma is the twist! Haha!" He then turned to the women beside him. "Ladies, please step aside. Goma does not want to crush your bodies."
"Goma, honey, we love you." praises one of the ladies.
"Shut up, baby. I know it." Max joined up with his team as they all watched Goma prepare for the final part of his challenge. "Haaaaaahahahaha, humans! Can you defeat… Goma himself?! And if it's not too much trouble can you do it before the Russian Mafia does it? Because they made it quite clear they're not going to kill Goma quickly. Or painlessly. Not after Goma used their $15,000 to fund his Luvbug Project which he has no way of paying back."
Poopy Kong suddenly landed right beside Goma with his jetpack. "My fellow homo sapiens, you are indeed entering a much difficult fight." he warns the humans.
"I wouldn't say difficult is the right word." Max says. "I mean, this is Goma we're talking about. He'll probably end up defeating himself before we even move a muscle. What're you gonna do, Goma? Throw mustard at us?"
"Oooooh!" Goma growls in anger. "For months, Goma has been wanting to shut that annoying little mouth of yours, spiky haired human! Finally, that time is upon me!"
Goma suddenly pulled out his Eocarcharia card and quickly summoned his dinosaur partner, only this time Santa was different. Instead of his regular black, orange and white color scheme, Santa was now red, orange and yellow and was now about the size of Terry. To introduce himself, Santa stomped hard on the ground, so hard that he managed to create a small crater in the very spot he stood.
"Gah! Santa grew bigger!" Ed exclaims in shock and fear.
"And stronger too! Not good." Zander adds.
"Big whoop." Max shrugs off. "So his dinosaur got bigger and stronger. News flash, our dinosaurs got stronger as well. So we're still unevenly matched. By uneven, I mean you. Because you're no match for us… is what I'm saying… in case you didn't get that."
Instead of getting angry, Goma just chuckled sinisterly from his spot. "Heheheheheheheheheh. We'll see about that, puny humans. And Goma does mean puny in the literal sense."
"But we're taller than you." Rex points out.
"Are you?"
Goma suddenly extended his arms out as his cape fluttered in the wind. Purple electricity suddenly enveloped the alien's entire body before he began to rapidly grow in place. The purple extra terrestrial continued to grow until he was taller than the stadium itself, to the point where he was at least 10 stories high, roughly about 50x his regular size now. The D-Alpha Company all stared up in utter shock and fear as Goma literally towered over them.
"At last! Goma will crush you once and for all! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! HAAAHAHAHAHA! Now, puny humans! You. Will. DIE!" Goma evily exclaims with a maniacal smile on his face.
Max chuckled nervously in response, regret quickly filling his body. "Heheh. Is it too late to say 'I'm sorry'?" he questions, trying to ease the situation.
*Mysterio's Theme from Spider-Man (2000) plays…*
"Ehahahahaaaa! Welcome to your nightmare, puny humans!" Goma loudly announces.
"Hey, you finally found a costume to fit your ego! Good job!" Max jokingly taunts.
"Well, time to get to work guys." Rex states as he and everyone else grabbed their respective controllers.
"DINO/ALPHA SLASH!"
One by one, the seven dinosaurs all spawned into existence, all roaring to signal their introduction. "Not so fast, insects!" Goma loudly says. "Let's see what the Slots of Doom have to say about this battle! You better hope it doesn't land on… TESTICULAR TORSION!"
"Oh God. I hope not." Zander begs.
The Slots of Doom began to rapidly spin before they all landed on a stick figure being bombarded with water balloons. "You better hide fools." Goma warns the team. "Because you're about to be drenched in Waste Balloons! It is what you think it is and I apologize in advance. I… am not proud of this one in all honesty."
Seven large water balloons suddenly spawned into existence over the seven humans before falling on top of each of them, revealing that the contents inside wasn't in fact water… it was yellow. "UGH! What is with you and piss, Goma?!" Ursula yells at the alien while drenched in urine.
"I'm getting tired of this! How come every time the Slots of Doom plays, it always has to have something pee related?!" Zoe loudly asks while trying to hold in her barf.
"Goma has a piss fetish!" Max loudly accuses while pointing at the towering alien.
"Santa! Use your Firestorm ability!" Goma orders his dinosaur.
A red glow surrounded the Eocarcharia as he built up fire in his mouth before shooting several large fireballs into the sky before they all came down, fire raining from the sky. The Firestorm struck each of the dinosaurs, knocking them away as Goma cackled loudly.
"Hmhm. Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he maniacally cackles.
"You know, Goma. The bigger they are, the harder they fall!" Zander taunts the tall alien. "Hydro Cutter!"
Spiny conjured up a blade made of water before thrusting it toward the tall alien, striking him right in his face as the giant stumbled back a bit. "Aaaaagh! I hate it when water gets in my eyes!" Goma loudly shouts in anger.
Santa charged forward before grabbing Tank's tail, dragging her around before tossing her towards Paris and Ace, knocking them to the ground. Terry ran up to the Eocarcharia and attempted to bite down on his neck, only for Santa to dodge at the last second, missing the attack altogether. Santa countered by swinging his tail across Terry's face, knocking him away just as Pachy came out of nowhere and headbutt the Eocarcharia in his side.
"Now it's Goma's turn!" Goma loudly announces as he raises his foot in the air.
He suddenly slammed his foot down on the ground so hard that it caused a massive shockwave that tripped everyone - dinosaur and human alike - to the ground, momentarily stunning them. The giant alien then grabbed the nearest dinosaur, in which case Ace, and carried him up to his face.
"These giant primitive beasts look like insects compared to Goma. Time to squash them like the bugs they are!" Goma taunts before tossing Ace to the ground, dealing critical damage to him.
"Ace!" Rex cries out for his partner.
"Ahahaaa! You better be careful now!"
"Dude, capes are so last year." Max taunts from below while grabbing a move card. "Thunder Bazooka!"
Chomp glowed his respective yellow as a surge of electricity coursed through his entire body before charging head first towards the purple giant alien. The Triceratops leapt in the air before rapidly spinning as more electricity enveloped his body where he struck Goma directly in his chest plate that had his Shadow Empire symbol on it. Electricity shot through the plate as Goma yelled in pain, getting electrocuted in his weak spot.
"Gaaaaaaaah, you're still a fool!" Goma declares while getting electrocuted.
"Hit that plate! It's his weak spot!" Max announces to his team.
"No! Don't listen to him! He's lying!" Goma yells back.
At that moment, Poopy Kong had suddenly landed right next to Rex while carrying what appeared to be a vest fitted with C4. "Greetings, my blonde hair compatriot. Here is your Valentine's Day present. Goodbye!" Just as quickly as Poopy Kong appeared, he had just as quickly disappeared by flying off, leaving a confused Rex as he held a C4 vest.
It wasn't until he saw the timer counting down that he realized that it was armed. "OH, JESUS!" Rex panickedly shouts as he tossed the C4 vest at the giant alien.
Miraculously, the C4 vest struck Goma's weak spot, dealing more critical damage to him once more. "Nyaaaaah! Poopy Kong! YOU TRAITOR!" Goma yells out his chimp assistant's name in rage.
"Sorry, sir! Your check bounced." Poopy Kong briefly explains from the air.
"I'll pay you in bananas!" Goma offers.
"Laser Ray!" Francis exclaims as he activates the move card.
Pachy built up rainbow energy at his dome head before firing it directly at Santa, striking him directly and sending him flying a few feet. "Santa! Goma commands you to do a move so that he'll take credit for it!" Goma orders his dinosaur.
Obeying his partner, Santa activated one of his move cards on will - most likely an upgrade given by Goma - as he glowed red while fire built up in his mouth. He suddenly leaped in the air with a flaming jaw, spinning like an arrow as he fell towards the ground before landing directly on Paris, pinning her to the ground before releasing the flames onto her.
"Paris!" Zoe cries out for her partner.
"That was Fire Bomb! When did Goma get that move card?!" Rex loudly questions in shock.
"Goma bought it off the internet site that you humans call 'eBay' using Francis' credit card." Goma explains from up above.
"No wonder my card was declined at Burger Shack! You son of a bitch!" Francis yells at his roommate.
The tips of Goma's gauntlet fingertips began to glow purple before lasers shot out from them, burning the ground upon impact. "Taste Goma's finger lasers! They go well with the hot sauce!" he taunts as he attacks the group.
Goma waved his fingers over the stadium, trying to hit his enemies all the while they dodged the lasers. Ed had activated his Earth Barrier move card, allowing Tank to protect herself from the deadly lasers. At that moment, Santa activated his own move card once more, building up fire in his mouth before shooting out a continuous stream of fire balls up in the sky where they fell towards the group. Terry, Spiny, and Chomp were all struck by the Firestorm move card, knocking them to the ground or making them fly away due to the blast.
Pachy suddenly headbutted Santa in the stomach, pushing the Eocarcharia to the ground where he crashed into Goma's giant ankle. "Biting Wind!" Rex shouts as he activates the move card. Ace conjured up sharp blades of wind before shooting them towards the giant alien, the wind blades striking all over his body as one hit his chest plate. In retaliation, Goma lifted his foot in the air and stomped hard on the ground, creating a powerful shockwave that momentarily stunned the dinosaurs in place. Max was the only one who was actually affected by the shockwave as he was thrown into the goal and down into the hole.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- Holy crap. This goes on forever." Max comments once realizing how deep the hole was.
Max finally entered the portal at the bottom of the hole and was shot across the field, right over the gigantic Goma.
"Hehehehahahahahahaha! Have a taste of my Elemental Ball Thingies!" Goma exclaims as rainbow colored energy formed in his palms.
He suddenly fired seven large balls of colored energy - yellow, red, white, blue, green, purple, and a multicolored one - where they all fell towards the dinosaurs. Paris, Ace, Tank and Pachy were struck with the white, red, green, and the multicolored balls respectively, momentarily weakening their powers. Spiny managed to dodge the yellow ball only for it to strike Chomp instead while the blue energy ball struck Spiny shortly afterwards despite his dodging.
The purple energy ball just harmlessly struck the bleachers, maiming a few audiences. Nothing too important.
"Let me guess." Ursula dryly starts. "The blue energy ball powered up Spiny because he's a water dinosaur while the red one weakened Ace because Wind is weak against Fire. Am I right? Is this more video game logic?"
"Don't forget to press the B button to use your Power Boost!" Francis advises the greenette.
"Wha- What's a B button?"
"Aqua Whip!" Zander cries out as he activates the move card.
Spiny emitted a blue glow as water produced in his mouth before suddenly shooting it out, a stream of water grabbing Santa and ensnaring him. Due to his power boost, the move was much stronger as Spiny slammed Santa to the ground multiple times before the move ended.
"My turn now!" Max exclaims after rejoining the battle. "Lightning Spear!"
Electricity surged through Chomp as he roared in the air before charging directly at the giant Goma where he leapt high in the air and struck his chest plate once more. Due to the power boost, his attack was powered up by a significant amount as electricity literally pierced Goma's body to the point where lightning was shooting out from his back.
"Gaaaaaah! Why did I make myself a bigger target?!" Goma screams out in pain.
Santa suddenly glowed red and activated his move card at will once more, building up a massive amount of fire in his mouth before projecting it upwards, unleashing his Firestorm attack. The many fireballs were much bigger than the last time they had fought the Eocarcharia which meant they were much stronger too, evident on how it completely took out Ace and Paris, turning them into cards.
"Oh no! Ace!" Rex cries out for his partner.
"Paris!" Zoe does the same.
"Wow. That's the first time Santa has ever defeated one of us. He really has gotten strong." Max admits.
Goma raised his giant fist before smashing it to the ground, where he completely crushed Tank, turning her into a card. "OW! Didn't think that one through." Goma secretly admits due to pricking his fist with the Saichania's spikes.
"Awwww man! He took out Tank as well!" Ed sadly states, sad to see his partner being defeated.
Pachy charged forward at full speed, attempting to headbutt Santa once more, only for the Eocarcharia to dodge at the last second before slapping the Pachycephalosaurus with his tail, knocking him to the ground. Terry however suddenly shoved Santa away with his own headbutt, saving Pachy from a potential demise as the Tyrannosaurus roared loudly in the air. The Eocarcharia tumbled for a moment before regaining his posture where he activated another one of his move cards at will once more. Fire built up in his jaws before leaping high in the air once more, using his Fire Bomb move card like last time.
"I'll counter with Hydro Cutter!" Zander exclaims as he activates his own move card.
Spiny conjured up a blade made of pure water before slapping it towards the falling Eocarcharia. The blade of water struck Santa's flaming mouth, not only extinguishing the flames but also dealing critical damage to the dinosaur himself as he fell right out of the sky. Coincidentally, as he fell the Slots of Doom had once again appeared in the middle of the sky.
"Hahahahahaaaa! The Slots of Doom is a harsh mistress!" Goma loudly announces as the slots spun. The three slots eventually landed on a dancing stick figure. "It is the revolution of the dancing! Dance, humans! Dance like your lives depend on it! Because it does! Hahaaa!"
Right on cue, lightning struck the team of seven but instead of electrocuting them, the lightning forcefully made the group perform the default dance from that shit game Fortnite. It even came along with the music as well.
"Of course Goma takes Fortnite as inspiration." Max mumbles in annoyance.
During their brief dancing period, Santa had regained his composure and charged in for the kill as he bit down on Spiny's neck as the Spinosaurus roared in rage and pain. The Spinosaurus shook himself violent before escaping the Eocarcharia's grasp from his jaws, freeing himself before retaliating with his own attack. He head butted Santa to the ground before repeatedly stomping on him to the point where the Eocarcharia turned into a card.
"You may have bested Goma's beast warrior humans," Goma announces from above. "but you still have not defeated the malignant and dastardly evil that is Goma himself! Hahahahahaaaaaa! Fear me! Fear me humans! Poop in your denim shorts and your cargo pants from Walmart! POOP! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA-" Goma suddenly began to violently cough and hack. "Damn, I choked on my own spit again!"
Poopy Kong suddenly flew down from below and handed Ed a C4 vest like he did with Rex earlier. "Salutations, my big belly buddy. Here's a gift for you. Okay bye." Poopy Kong hurriedly explains before flying off again.
"Aw man, I'm not good at throwing!" Ed exclaims in shock
He swung the bomb vest before tossing it as hard as he could at the giant alien, striking him directly at his chest plate as it cracked some more. "Son of a-! I'll see you in court!" Goma threatens.
"Oooooooh. Look at the big Emperor of the Shadow Kingdom." Max taunts from below before turning to his team. "Let's hit him together with a quadruple fusion move!"
"Sounds good to me." Ursula agrees.
"Let's do it!" Zander and Francis exclaim at the same time.
"Lightning Strike!"
"Magma Blaster!"
"Aqua Javelin!"
"Head Driver!"
All four humans activated their move cards as their respective partners used their moves. Chomp fired a lightning bolt from his horns, Terry unleashed a stream of molten magma from his jaws, Spiny fired three javelins made out of water, and Pachy leaped into the air with his shiny dome head before spinning rapidly. The three long ranged attacks combined into a primary colored beam that struck Goma's chest plate directly followed by Pachy, himself acting like a missile as he completely broke the chest plate.
"Nooo! NOOOOOO!" Goma shouts in horror. Purple electricity enveloped him as he quickly shrunk back down to his original size, all while screaming in vain. "Curse you, Francis! You are the wooooooooorst roooooooommaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!"
Goma finally shrunk back down to his original size where he fell over to the ground, tired from the beating he had took. "AW YEAH!" The D-Alpha Company celebrate as they all high fived each other. "Go Pansies! Go Pansies! Woop! Woop! Go Pansies!" Max loudly celebrates.
"Still don't like that team name." Zander comments aloud.
The four dinosaurs were all returned to their cards as they approached the fallen alien, whom sat on the ground in defeat. "Fine!" he shouts like a kid who lost a game… which he did and was. "You win! I guess I'll come up with another world conquering plan for the future."
"Turn my dad and everyone else back to normal or so help me I'll have Paris trample you into a pancake!" Zoe loudly threatens the alien.
"Gah!" Goma screams in utter fear. "N-No need! The effects are only temporary! Your dad and the other filthy humans will be back to normal by the end of the day! Just don't hurt me, please!"
Zoe backed up in triumph with a smug look on her face. "Pussy." Max mumbles.
Goma grabbed Santa's card and placed it back in his pocket. "Now how am I ever gonna pay back the Devil?" he asks himself. "I owe $15,000 to the Russian Mafia, $100,000 to the Devil himself, and my actual soul! Not to mention my kid which may or may not be mine. I promised him I'd pay him back with this evil scheme of world domination and he'd take Australia, Russia and India while I get the rest. We decided to split Africa in half but still! What am I gonna do now?!"
"Goma, I doubt you sold your soul to the Devil because he doesn't exist. It was probably some guy in cosplay at the mall." Francis tells the alien.
"Uuuuuuh, Francis." Rex suddenly grabs his attention. "Goma bought Santa's workshop in the North Pole from the ACTUAL Santa Claus."
"Wait! The fat man is real?!"
Before anyone could say another word, the ground began to violently shake as if there was an earthquake around them, tripping the group to fall on the of a sudden, a skeleton hand shot up from the ground as several skeletons dug themselves up from the earth itself as the sky was suddenly filled with dark, stormy clouds. The group all stared in horror as more skeletons came out from the ground as fire suddenly shot through the cracks of the earth. They then heard devious laughter behind them, prompting them to turn around to see literal demons that looked like skeletons themselves except with horns, fangs and were on fire.
"Uh oh." Goma fearfully mumbles.
He turned around and looked up at the sky to see three winged demons sprouting up from the ground and flying towards him. "Bom! Bom! Bom! Bom! Bom! Bom! Bom! Bom! Bom! Bom! Bom! Bom!"
"AAAAAAH! H- He- Hey guys! How's it going?" Goma fearfully asks the demons with a nervous smile in an attempt to cool things down.
"Are you reeeeaaaaady?" the three winged demons sang in union as they got up in Goma's face.
"N-No! I'm not ready at all! I- I- I still got sights to meet! People to see!" Goma begged as he backed up in utter horror.
Several skeletons suddenly surrounded him. "Are you reeeeaaaaady?" they all sang as well.
"This- This is just a minor inconvenience. You know! The plan is still in motion!" Goma continues to plead while backing up, where a skeleton hand grabbed his ankle as he yelped and let out a girly scream. "AAAAAAH! I- I still got some more plans for world domination! Trust me! They're- They're even better than this plan! Fool proof even! I just need a little more time is all!"
A large skull suddenly erupted from the ground behind him, scaring the poor alien as he backed up in fear, especially when the skull's jaws began to open revealing nothing but fire inside. The D-Alpha Company all stared in utter shock and horror, unable to move a single muscle as fear entered their systems, not even knowing what was going on nor believing what was happening in front of their eyes as of this moment.
Goma continued to back up in fear while defensively raising his hands in front of him. "N-No! Please don't-" A demonic hand suddenly grabbed Goma's ankles, causing him to trip to the ground. "Ah aaaaaaaaaah! I just need a little more time!"
The skeletons before were now forming a sort of pathway as Goma literally got dragged towards the giant flaming skull in the middle where they were all performing a dance similar to that of Pennywise.
Goma attempted to escape as his gauntlet claws literally scratched the soil beneath him, leaving long scratch marks as Goma continued to get dragged into the flaming skull. "I promise I'll pay back my debt! I promise! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
And with that, Goma was dragged into the flaming skull where it closed its jaws before lightning struck down, momentarily blinding the humans. When they regained their visions, they saw that all the demons, skeletons, fire and stormy weather were all gone, along with Goma himself. The group all stared at the spot where Goma once was in utter horror and fear, never having experienced this amount of supernatural activities before in their life.
"Did… Did Goma just get dragged into Hell?" Ursula questions in shock.
"Yeah. Yeah, I think he did." Max replies in equal shock.
"Lesson learned: never deal with the devil." Zander mumbles in fear.
"GOOOOOOMAAAAAAA!" Michelle shouts as she runs towards the spot where Goma was dragged into Hell, desperately clawing the soil in an attempt to save him. "I NEVER TOLD YOU! I'M PREGNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT!"
"Are you really?" Max asks his teacher.
"No, I just always wanted to say that in a broken soulmate type of way."
"You do realize he's an alien from another planet, right?"
"Max," Rex whispers to his friend. "they're still under the effect of the Luvbug virus."
"Oh yeah, I forgot."
A WEEK LATER…
It was (somewhat) common knowledge that Hell was filled with people who have committed numerous sins and atrocities around the world, so the realm itself was filled with nothing but the horrid screams of millions of damned souls. All were being tortured in various ways such as being dipped in a lava bath, getting their limbs pulled by a rack, getting their nipples electrocuted, and other horrifying ways of torture. Despite the grim realm, there was however a neat looking office overlooking the place where it belonged to none other than the Devil himself, where he was shown reading a piece of paper that was a file of his recent arrival with reading glasses.
"My, my, my." the Devil begins. "Quite a file you have here Mr… Is- Is this right? Vincent van Goma? Like the lonely, psychotic painter?"
True to his words, Goma was indeed sitting in front of him on the other side of his desk with a happy smile on his face. "Eheh." he chuckles nervously. "Technically that is an alias that I myself came up with to blend myself with the humans of this planet. My real name is actually Gomallius D'Geratula Hamunculion."
"You made a fake name to blend yourself in despite you having wings and purple skin?"
"Yep!"
The Devil just gave the purple alien an odd look of confusion, not knowing if he was being for real or not. "Riiiiiiight. Okay." he shrugs off before looking back at his file. "Says here you drugged several wild animals in your short trip here to this world. Uuuuuuuuh, oh jeez. D-Bal MAX to turkeys, methamphetamine to beavers, and now a concoction of various chemicals and hormones to mosquitoes. It also says you… Wow… This one is fucked up even for me. 'Strapped C4 vests to drug addicts to eliminate your enemies, maim or kill.'" The Devil took off his glasses and faced the alien. "Now, I'm the Devil so when I say this is messed up, that should mean something. Truth be told if you didn't deal with me to begin with, I'm fairly certain you would've ended up here regardless."
Goma opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by the Devil. "Now," he says. "let's get this over with." The Devil slid a contract across the table to the purple alien. "Just sign on the dotted line down here, your initials over here and on the next page I need a verification of your ID… if you have one. Once you sign the credentials, you will be a permanent resident of Hell."
Goma picked up the paper and carefully read it before coming across something. "Oho!" he laughs. "It appears I have found what the humans up above call a 'loophole'."
"What do you mean?" the Devil asks with a raised brow.
"It says here only 'humans' are allowed in Hell. Any other species of other kind are not prohibited to stay. And since I am from another world in another galaxy in another quadrant might I add, this contract does not affect me in the slightest."
The Devil just glared at the purple alien before rubbing his face in annoyance. "Oiiii." he groans in annoyance. "Why did board members of Hell think that was a good idea?"
"It appears the fine print has ruined your chances at claiming what is possibly the most evilest and greatest soul that ever roamed this planet: ME! I'm the soul."
"Yes, yes. I'm aware." the Devil groans. "Just," he sighs once more. "fine. Since you're not legally bound by the contract you do not have to be a resident of Hell. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's a rule that forbids any other species besides humans to be a resident of Hell to begin with.
"Huzzah!" Goma exclaims in triumph, standing tall while striking a pose. "The malignant and evil Goma has once again triumphed over his foes! Now he can return to the land of the living and continue his nefarious schemes of world domination! Mr. Devil, I bid you adieu." Right behind Goma, a door had magically appeared in the office to which he opened and stepped foot into it. "May our paths never cross again for you shall be begging for mercy once I conquer this puny planet of yours."
"You do realize we're not actually on the planet but we're just in a mirrored dimension that's parallel to the real world?" the Devil rhetorically asks the purple alien.
"Then I shall conquer this dimension as well! Farewell! And tell Saddam Hussein to not steal my tater tots again!"
With that, Goma had slammed the door and exited both the office and Hell itself, leaving a very frustrated Devil to himself alone in the office. "Ugh, I really hate that guy." he groans in annoyance.
(This probably both the stupidest yet smartest chapter i ever made because now i just canonized Hell and the Devil in my story… No, he's not gonna make another appearance. If I bring the Devil back then that'll ruin the whole story. This was just a one time gag joke thing.
Okay, well I'm probably gonna waterboard myself because I hate my life and myself KOKBYE!)