In Charge
Chapter 29 – Honesty
By Threshie
Author's Note:
Welcome, welcome! Climb aboard the ride and strap in, because heeere we go...
"Careful. Let me help you," Mello insisted, hovering both hands over Matt with a concerned frown. Matt couldn't help laughing at how intensely serious his best friend look right now.
"I've got this, Mell," he assured the blond boy, very gingerly pulling the sleeve of the new red and black striped shirt onto his bad arm. He'd had to take the sling off in order to change shirts, and unlike at the hospital yesterday, there was no nurse here to assist with that.
The new safehouse was an actual house this time, a two-story yellow family home. It was a lot nicer than the apartment they'd been in before, if a bit old. Mello had rummaged through the boxes of their stuff and gotten fresh clothes for both of them.
Matt winced slightly as he slowly placed the sling over his head again, feeling guilty that Mello was practically grinding his teeth at not being allowed to help. I can do it myself, but maybe it'll make him feel better if I let him help. I know he's still guilty I got shot after he left the hospital.
"Okay, maybe a little help would be good," Matt said, mustering a sheepish smile for him. Mello reached and took hold of his elbow immediately, supporting the bad arm while he moved the sling into place around it. He'd changed into black jeans and a cropped short black T-shirt, but had the ever-present red rosary still on over it.
Matt focused on the occasional glint from his best friend's black nail polish, watching him fix the sling just like he'd done with the bandages a little while ago.
Sayu had been right, Matt mused. Mello actually was sort of...well, pretty. Matt had never really thought about him like that before. I doubt Mell would like to hear that, though, even if it's true.
"Hey, uh... I meant to tell you earlier, but we got distracted by moving house," Matt began awkwardly. He could feel Mello's stare when the blond boy looked at him so close up.
"What is it?" He sounds so serious! Jeez, it's nothing that important...
"It's no big deal!" Matt laughed nervously at the frown leveled at him, holding up his good hand. "I just... I told Near that we eavesdropped while he was talking to L," he admitted, sighing. "I didn't want to hide things from him, and he's too smart not to notice we're worrying about his memory gap, so I just came out and said it. Just sayin', so you know that he knows."
It felt like he was explaining too much. Hopefully that didn't sound like making excuses to Mello.
The blond boy frowned and leaned back, letting go of the sling carefully.
"It's okay, I...was going to tell him anyway," he said, clearly bothered. "Was he pissed about it?"
Thinking back on Near's accusation that nobody trusted him not to be lying about the incident, Matt cringed.
"Well, he wasn't happy, exactly. He said he sort of expected it from us, though."
"Yes, that sounds like Near." Mello really did look bothered now, looking down at the floor and frowning further. "Is the sling okay? It's not too tight, is it?"
"No, it's...it's good. Thanks," Matt said, watching him with worry. He was really quiet during the drive here. I figured he was just tired, but something's eating him. "Hey, Mell?"
He waited until Mello looked at him, feeling small under that sharp blue stare.
"If you wanna talk about anything while Near and L aren't here, I could lend an ear," Matt offered, hugging his good arm around the one in the sling.
Come on, you're my best friend. I can tell you're upset. I'm still pretty messed up about all of this, too. Near got kidnapped, and you got shot at point blank. I could've never seen either of you alive again after that night!
That was upsetting to think about, and he was pretty sure it showed on his face. The bed shifted, snapping Matt's attention back to Mello. His friend was sighing and sitting down beside him, still looking down at the floor. He crossed his arms, tapping the toe of one of his boots on the carpet.
"It's that obvious, huh?" He asked quietly.
"I mean, I know you really well," Matt offered sheepishly. I knew it. Something's really bothering him, and it's more than just worrying about Near's memory thing.
"I've just been thinking," Mello said evenly, his eyes doing a slow sweep of the room from side to side. It was Matt's new bedroom, and it was mostly piles of boxed up stuff and the bed.
Mello lifted a hand and raked his fingers through his hair, swiping his bangs up off of his forehead and shading over both eyes.
"This week's been hell for everyone, and I've realized that I'm the problem. Everything that happened to you and Near, I made it so much worse. When did I get this damned insecure? If I just let you and Near be friends, he wouldn't have lied to you before getting kidnapped. You might not have even gotten shot, if I'd just sucked it up and stuck around and taken care of everybody like we're supposed to when we're in charge!"
"Mell, that's not—"
"No, Matt, don't tell me it's not my fault! This shit is my fault. I'm the problem. And then I lied to Near, and I made this so much worse for him when he'd already been through everything that bastard did! How could I do that to him? He'd never do that to me. I-I don't think he even hates me. When I asked him to be friends, he didn't even hesitate! Even after I put him through even more shit, w-when he was already bleeding and crying, and..." He trailed off, shaking his head.
Matt was stunned by the outburst, but not as much as he was by the way the blond's voice hitched in the middle of those last few words. He's always so hard on himself. Near already forgave him for lying about that stuff, and I did, too!
Leaning closer, the redhead slowly hugged an arm around Mello's shoulders. The blond boy had his other hand up now, too, and was tugging on his hair, gritting his teeth. He seemed torn between shouting and crying. As always, Matt felt such empathy for him, saw the good person struggling under all of the angry posturing. He and Near tried so hard to be perfect that they seemed to forget that being imperfect was just being human.
"Sure, okay, you can be a pain in the ass sometimes," Matt began, squeezing Mello's shoulders. "And yeah, you made things more complicated this week. But you saved me, and you saved Near. I-I would've bled out if you didn't find me, the doc said it herself. And who knows what that creep would've done to Near if you didn't show up and take the guy on bare-handed, gun and all? When me and Near were both out of the picture, you were the one person L could rely on, and you came through for him! You did more good than bad."
Mello quieted, lowering his hands and looking at him gloomily. He swiped at a few fresh tears angrily, shaking his head.
"No. I-I'm not some hero for saving Near, okay? He was crying his eyes out over you being dead, and I...let him. I could've told him you were okay, and helped him, and I didn't. Because I wanted to win our stupid argument, a-and make him admit that he wanted to be friends with you. I let him suffer because I needed to be right. What kind of a terrible person does that, Matt?"
Serious as the conversation was, Matt couldn't help smiling.
"Mell, if you were really such a bad guy, you wouldn't be feeling this guilty about it," he pointed out, sitting up. Mello again swiped at his eyes, sighing and looking at the floor.
"I'm not so sure. And I should feel like shit—it's only fair."
"Near's smart," Matt said, patting his shoulder. "If I can figure out that you lied for his sake, and for mine, then he knows that too. You did it to let us be friends, right? And look, it took a really dumb argument in the hospital to get there, but now we're all friends. 'Cause of you."
Mello didn't look any happier, but he didn't seem to have any way to refute those words, and that was something. He really must be off his game, Matt thought. Usually he can talk circles around me if he wants to.
Maybe he didn't really want to, though.
"I'm sorry I've been such a jerk," Mello muttered, scrubbing at the last of the tears almost angrily. "I-I'll try to be better, I promise. No, I will be better."
"You don't need to change to be a good friend," Matt sighed, pulling his goggles up onto his forehead to dab at his eyes. "You're already a good friend exactly how you are now. And i-if you don't stop kicking yourself, you're gonna make me cry, so cut it out, okay?"
He had indeed hit some sort of limit of seeing his best friend so upset, and was struggling not to get choked up. You never celebrate what you did good unless you succeeded at everything. That's not how life works. You can screw up and still do some good as long as you're trying...
Matt knew all about screwing up, but still trying. He was third, after all.
Mello reached out and patted his good shoulder, mustering a small, unhappy smile.
"Sorry. It's okay, I'm done. And...thanks, Matt."
Matt wanted to hug him, but he knew Mello wasn't big on hugs. Especially not emotional ones. He settled for offering a slightly watery smile in return and then looking ahead of them at the half-unpacked boxes on the floor where Mello had pulled out their fresh clothes.
"I wonder when Near and L are gonna get here. That text was over an hour ago," he said, trying to change the subject to something simple and normal. Mello frowned, going back to tapping his boot on the floor.
"Yeah, it was."
L had texted when they'd arrived at the safehouse, saying cryptically that he and Near were going to be late getting there. He hadn't explained why, but if he was calmly texting about it, it couldn't be an emergency or anything.
Mello seemed bothered further by thinking about it, though.
"If they don't turn up soon, I'll call L," he said, standing up and straightening his clothes. Matt watched him smooth down his hair and wipe away the last traces of tears, sighing. Mello had such strong emotions that the redhead doubted L or Near would miss the fact that he'd been crying recently, but he would probably lie if they asked him directly about it.
Matt's bullet wound gave a sudden deep, strong twinge, and he winced. Right, we were just messing with it to redo the bandages. Ouch...
"Can we figure out which box my other stuff is in? I-I think maybe it's time for me to take more painkillers." Wherever you guys are, Near, I hope everything's okay.
Near had been very calm during the drive to the doctor. He'd listened carefully when L described how a forensics physician usually did an exam, and understood what to expect by the time they'd arrived. Still, as L had suspected, actually being in a medical setting and being examined by a doctor again so soon after the disastrous last hospital experience was not going to be easy for him.
I wish he hadn't insisted on leaving his toy dinosaur in the car, L thought, sifting idly through the wrapped hard candies in the pockets of his jeans as he stood with his hands shoved into his pockets.
Near had asked L to sit in on his examination with him. It was understandable for him to feel unsafe being alone in a hospital after all that had happened. L was a bit relieved that he'd been asked to turn away during the part where Near had to undress, though, he had to admit. It was probably even more awkward for Near to have to take his clothes off with his mentor just across the room. Better me than someone he doesn't trust, though.
That was why L was here, after all.
"Alright, you can turn around now," Near said quietly. L rotated in place, pulling a hand out of his pocket to nibble on his thumbnail.
Near sat stiffly with the sheet the doctor had provided over his lap, hanging his feet off the side of the bed. He was crumpling the edge of the sheet with both hands, focusing his dark eyes on the floor with a deliberately neutral look on his face. Suddenly L was glad he'd requested that the doctor not ask any questions about the injuries during the examination. Near couldn't remember anyway, and it was unnecessary to make this take any longer than it had to.
This was the first good look he'd had at Near's injuries since seeing the strap marks and IV bruising at the hospital. The bruises had darkened in considerably on both wrists, and there appeared to be a large purple bruise along one side of his waist as well. Both elbows were bruised. There were no defensive scratches or other wounds on his hands, L noted automatically.
There has to be some evidence of what was done to him just from an examination. He had none of these injuries when he was taken from the hospital except for the surgical incision and the IV bruising.
He didn't particularly like having to assess one of his charges like they were the victim in a case, but technically that was exactly what Near was right now. It wouldn't do to get distracted with emotions and miss something important.
"Would you like me to stay over here?" L asked evenly, lingering in the corner. He didn't particularly care where he stood, but thought perhaps that he'd give Near something about this situation that he had some control over.
"No," Near said, glancing toward the door to the room uneasily. "Please come over here with me."
As I thought. L took a step that way when a knock on the door interrupted him—the doctor, returning after allowing Near to undress without him in the room.
"Come in," L called. He waited until the man stepped inside, watching him as he crossed the room to Near's side before following. The forensics doctor was a middle-aged man with a calming sort of voice. So far in their introductions he'd seemed to strike the right balance between speaking to Near kindly and not talking down to him.
Up close, the white-haired boy's injuries were much more obvious. L pulled a chair up beside the foot of the bed and perched there, studying each bruise and red strap mark while absently taking in whatever the doctor and Near were saying. Really, Near didn't say much besides "yes" or "no" in response to questions. He seemed stoic about the whole situation, but L was pretty sure he was shaking.
"Alright, I'm just going to take some pictures. Please hold out your left arm," the doctor said. Near did so, and when he turned his arm over, L noticed the shapes of the bruises were different on the other side.
Those were made by fingers.
He'd seen that pattern before in evidence photos. It didn't bode well. Perhaps Near had come to the same conclusion, and that was why they were here at the doctor's office now.
Near really was shaking. Without anything to hold onto, like his dinosaur, he seemed to be growing more and more uncomfortable.
Without making a big scene of it, L held out his hand, watching the doctor snapping photos of Near's back and his sides. There were so many marks on him that his baggy clothing had been hiding that it was sort of shocking to see. No wonder he was in so much pain when he skipped the pain pills last night...
A small hand clasped L's, practically clinging to it. Near didn't look at him—he was focusing on the patterns on the floor and sitting very stiffly in place—but the tight grip proved that he was glad that L was there.
Whether we figure out what you forgot or not, I'm going to catch them, L promised silently. What Mikami had done was terrible, but it was just one part of a larger, darker picture. Things like the silenced pistol and the double addresses proved that something criminal was going on, something more than an otherwise-ordinary nurse having a mental break.
L was now over 95% certain that Mikami was not working alone.
As far as criminals went, the nurse was a complete fool. It was a wonder he'd thought to silence his gun before firing it in a crowded hospital, even. His accomplice, on the other hand...L was willing to bet that they were much smarter. Whoever it was had definitely not forgotten about the prison security cameras the way Mikami had ignored the hospital's cameras.
Mikami shouldn't have been able to break himself out of prison overnight with no tools, especially not with a wounded arm. Even if he had been able to accomplish that much, disappearing without a trace suggested that someone had been waiting to drive away with him. Whatever Mikami's twisted fixation on Near was about, it couldn't possibly be the same motivation for this accomplice to retrieve him.
L had a feeling that this case was far from over.
Near sat quietly, crumpling the hem of his pajama shirt in both hands and focusing in on the motion of it. Beside him, L was gazing out the car window and nibbling on his thumbnail, lost in thought.
The doctor's examination had gone as well as it could have. It was deeply uncomfortable to have to remove his clothing, but Near was relieved that he had been allowed to do it, himself. Of course he was—the way Mikami did things wasn't the way actual medical professionals worked. Near's surgery had been an emergency, though, so they had helped to undress him then, too. And it had been uncomfortable, but Near had been in too much pain at the time to really complain much.
At least I am not in pain now, he thought wearily, resting his hand over the opposite wrist. He hadn't been able to bring himself to take his shirt off since he'd arrived back home. He'd had to admit to the doctor that he hadn't showered in a couple of days because he was afraid to look at himself.
That fear had felt justified, looking at the marks all over him. The bruises on both of Near's wrists were unmistakably made by hands. He had bruises from his IV needles, too, and yet more from straps on his wrists and ankles. There were bruises on his knees and elbows. There was the incision from his surgery, which had had the stitches re-done twice, even though he only remembered them being stitched again once. And Near's left hip had especially large, dark marks on both the front and back.
Near didn't need the doctor's explanation to recognize the various other small bruises and scratches as the result of falling. Or of being thrown to the ground, perhaps.
And yet he still couldn't remember what exactly had happened. He'd thought that the examination, being confronted with his bruises, hearing about the likely cause of each injury, might jar his missing memories. Nothing had changed, though. Near had only made himself so uncomfortable that he'd started to shake, and had had to hold L's hand to make it through without trying to remove himself from the situation.
At least L doesn't seem to blame me, he thought, switching from the shirt crumpling to picking up and hugging the dinosaur that had been sitting on the seat beside him. He'd been too focused on seeing the exam through and being done with it at the time to feel ashamed of himself before, but now that it was over and they were on their way to the new safehouse, it had occurred to him how he must look to L. Helpless. Fearful.
A victim.
Near didn't want to be a victim. It was too late, though. All that remained was to find out just how much Mikami had done to him during the time he'd blocked out, and the fact that he'd blocked it out at all was not reassuring...
"We're almost there," Watari said from the front seat.
L turned to Near, gazing at him intently. Wide-eyed stares were normal for L, but Near felt under extra scrutiny from those eyes today.
"How much do you want me to tell Matt and Mello?" His mentor asked evenly.
"Please don't tell them anything," Near said, focusing on the dinosaur's toothy smile. He frowned. "I will...I will explain it to them."
"Of course," L said easily, bobbing his head. "Once the lab results come back, the doctor will be calling me with more information about the exam. Whenever you're ready to hear what it says, you can call me, even if it's the middle of the night. You also don't have to ever hear it at all, if you don't want to."
Near sighed as the car pulled into the driveway of the new safehouse, looking at it to avoid looking at L.
"Thank you. Th-thank you for bringing me to the examination, too. I am sorry that it...that I..." He trailed off and hugged the dinosaur to his chest, shrinking down further in his seat. I'm sorry that I couldn't see it through by myself.
"There's no need to apologize," L said sincerely. "We have more evidence now than we did before, and that's something. All you have to worry about now is getting some rest."
Watari opened the door for L first. The detective climbed out, and Near focused on unclipping his seatbelt. He wasn't used to sitting with both legs hanging down on the seat still. It felt strange.
"Thank you, Watari," L told the old man as Watari closed the door after him and stepped around to open the door for Near. L followed him, tapping a thumbnail against his lips thoughtfully. Near stepped slowly down out of the car, gripping the door to stabilize himself. His hip still ached dully, even with painkillers in his system again.
He envisioned the dark purple bruise on it and tried not to frown even more. He couldn't remember how that had happened. He'd let himself drop to the floor during his escape attempt, but not far enough to cause that sort of a mark...
What else can I do to make myself remember?
"Please stay here," L told Watari politely. He began slowly toward the house, matching Near's slow, slightly limping pace. Near focused on the ground ahead of them, feeling some strange, nagging familiarity at the way the pavement felt under his socks. He didn't walk outside much, and when he did it was usually in socks, so why was his body choosing now to be uncomfortable with that?
"You are leaving," he observed quietly, of L.
"I am," L admitted, shoving both hands into the pockets of his jeans as he walked. "I don't intend to let Mikami just run free."
Of course, Near thought. He was sort of relieved that L wasn't going to be staying there in the safehouse with them yet. Matt and Mello already acted like Near was fragile right now; having his mentor worried about him too was just too much.
An thought had occurred to him, one that also made him glad that L wasn't going to be there for awhile. He'd just had an idea what else he could do to jar his memories, but it would rely on Matt and Mello agreeing to help him...
Mello was beginning to fume. It had been almost an hour and a half since they'd gotten L's text, and there had been no follow up. Matt and Mello had moved from Matt's new bedroom to the living room, where the redhead sat on the overstuffed couch and the blond paced in front of the door.
There's no reason to keep things from us—why didn't he explain? Is something wrong with Near? It was driving Mello crazy wondering. His instincts insisted that L's text omitted information to hide it from them, and the great detective wouldn't usually hide anything unless it was bad news...
What if Near had had post-surgery complications? What if he had had his memories come back, and remembered that creep Mikami doing something awful to him? What if he'd needed his friends and they hadn't been there for him?
Worrying about Near, sincerely caring about his well-being, was still pretty strange for Mello. He couldn't lie to himself and try to say he didn't care, though. It wasn't just guilt about treating him so poorly in the past, either—Mello actually cared.
He looked like he was in a lot of pain this morning. Why didn't L have him ride along with us to the new safehouse? Was this something planned...?
"Maybe you should try calling them again," Matt said from the couch, interrupting the blond's angry pacing. Mello paused for a moment to glance over and found that his best friend was checking the time on his phone.
Poor Matt looked exhausted. Mello could tell that he was in some pain from the bullet wound, even with painkillers in his system. He was seated on the couch, his arm in the sling again and his goggles shoved up onto his forehead. He already had enough to deal with before my stupid self-pity fest...
He didn't regret confiding in Matt. He still mostly felt the same about his own behavior, and swore to himself that he was going to be a better person, but hearing his best friend say that he was already a good friend had been comforting. More comforting than Mello would have ever admitted, if anybody asked him.
"It went straight to voicemail—that usually means the phone's off," Mello grumbled, resuming his pacing.
He was pretty sure Matt would be pacing too if it wouldn't make his wound hurt. He must have run out of cigarettes or he would've been smoking right now. It was probably better for him not to, but smoking was the same kind of stress-relieving habit for Matt that eating chocolate was for Mello.
Chocolate, now that sounded good. All of his chocolate from the previous safehouse was still in a box piled in his new bedroom, though. He didn't want to go unpack it right now. It had been enough of an irritation to dig out a change of clothes for himself and for Matt, but necessary after days wearing the same things.
Matt was wearing his shirt with the red and black stripes now, and a pair of slightly darker jeans than he'd been in before. Mello had shoved on his own outfit with far less care than usual, pairing tight black jeans with a black tee and ditching the gloves. Matt had taken off his boots the moment they'd arrived, but Mello stayed in his heeled leather ankle boots. Stomping felt better with some tread.
A loud click across the room startled the blond boy out of his thoughts—the sound of a key turning in the lock on the front door.
Matt was startled, too; he sat up way too fast and jarred his injured shoulder.
"I-I hope that's them," he said, wincing and holding his good hand up to the wound. "Oww..."
"It sure as hell better be," Mello growled, hurrying over to the door. He yanked it open just as L placed a hand on the doorknob. The great detective stood there, wide-eyed, and slowly retracted his hand.
"Mello," he said after a moment, nodding. Without further comment, he stepped aside and waited while Near padded into the house in his socks. The white-haired boy had his shoulders slumped defeatedly, and was hugging his green dinosaur toy to his chest.
Something is wrong! Mello thought, watching him move past. He turned accusing eyes on L and waved him inside the house.
"Where have you been? Why didn't you tell us before taking off?" As soon as L stepped inside, Mello slammed the door shut after him.
"Near can tell you whatever he wants to share," L said mildly, unfazed by Mello's agitated state. Typical; nobody here seemed to really get pissed off about much besides Mello. It was so frustrating sometimes...
"Nobody knows that you're in this new safehouse, so you all ought to settle in and try to get some rest. You can order something to eat if you like." L was still talking, glancing at Matt and Near in turn as he did.
And then he did an about-face and reached for the door again.
Come on, really?! Mello threw his hands up in the air.
"Wait, you just got here—where are you going now?"
L slowly turned back to face him, propping a thumb against his lower lip.
"I'm going to the police station," he said, as if it should have been obvious. "And no, you can't come along this time."
"Why the hell not?" Mello had been plotting how to make Mikami's escape extremely short-lived ever since they'd left the old safehouse. How had L known exactly what he'd been about to ask? "Come on, L. Matt and Near might be injured, but I can still work! Let me help you catch this bastard!"
"Correct—they're injured, and you aren't. That's precisely why I want you to remain here, Mello. Look after them for me," L said, giving him a very serious look. A meaningful one.
Reminded of their conversation about bad feelings about the whole situation last night, Mello settled down. He didn't like it—hell, he hated it—but L was right. His friends needed him to take care of them right now. Besides, they had the world's greatest detective on the case.
"Fine," Mello relented. Pointing a finger at L, he added quickly, "But promise you'll call me if you need me."
"I will," L assured him. He gave all of them a little wave and turned away. "I have to go now. I probably won't be back until tomorrow morning."
With that, he stepped outside and shut the door behind him.
Mello sighed, trying to let go of his frustration at the whole situation. It felt like the case was unresolved, and that there was something he ought to be doing about it. It wasn't his case, though—it was L's.
He stepped over and secured all three of the locks on the door before turning toward Near. He looked like he was in a lot of pain this morning, but now he looks worse, somehow. Where the hell did they go?
The white-haired boy hadn't said a word since he'd arrived. He was lingering near the door rather than moving to sit on the couch. Mello crossed his arms, scrutinizing the small, slumped shoulders and unhappy expression. Near looked a little disheveled; his hair was mussed, and so were his white pajamas.
L didn't look disheveled to match, so it's not from driving with the car windows down or something, Mello assessed grumpily. If he didn't know better, he'd say Near's hair looked like he'd pulled his shirt off over his head.
"Whatever you guys were up to, it doesn't look like it went well," he commented finally, tilting his head to try and catch Near's eyes. The white-haired boy focused on the toes of his socks, his brows furrowing just a slight bit lower.
"It did not," he admitted wearily. Mello waited a moment for him to elaborate, but of course he didn't.
"Okay..." The blond drew a deep breath. Exploding in frustration wouldn't really help the situation, tempting as it was. Shouting at Near was the way the old Mello handled things, and that wasn't him anymore. How would the new Mello, the one who was friends with Near, handle this?
"If you don't want to tell us about it, I guess we can't force you to," Mello said carefully after a moment more. "Just... Matt and I were worried about you! Are you okay?" Those words felt strange to say. Apparently they sounded strange, too, because Near actually looked up and met his eyes, blinking.
He looked so young with that expression on his face. Mello was uncomfortably aware of their two year age difference, and of how he'd glimpsed his greatest rival's vulnerable side. The memory of hugging Near during the rescue flashed through Mello's head, of how tiny he had seemed in the blond boy's arms. Of his shoulders shaking with sobs.
A stab of guilt over letting him believe Matt was dead hit, then, and even though it was an emotional stab, Mello nearly winced. He broke their gaze, turning his head to frown at the floor instead.
It's no wonder he's surprised I give a damn now, after how I've treated him.
Near, meanwhile, hadn't ever responded to his comment with more than a blink of surprise. He said nothing.
Mello didn't know what to say to him, either. Nothing would help, but he had to say something.
"Listen, Near—"
"Mello," Near cut him off, straightening up suddenly. "I need your help."
"You do?" Mello looked at him again quickly, caught off-guard. The white-haired boy was aiming his weary dark-eyed stare right at Mello.
"Yes. You and Matt."
"What do you need?" Matt spoke up, making Mello flinch. Apparently at some point he'd stepped over to stand with them, and was right beside Near. As he spoke, he slipped the goggles down over his eyes. Yeah...I feel like Near can see through me right now, too.
"A favor," Near said softly, lifting a small hand to his hair. He twirled a lock of it, looking down at the green dinosaur that he held in the crook of one arm. "And then I will tell you both everything."
"I don't like this," Mello muttered yet again as the three of them walked out into the new safehouse's garage. Matt's red Camaro was parked there, keeping it out of sight of the street in case Mikami had noticed it at their old safehouse before they left. Mello's motorcycle was off to the side, near the wall.
Now that he'd realized what might jar his memories, Near had fallen into an almost nervous anticipation for what he might discover. He did his best not to show it, though. If he looked uncomfortable or frightened, he was pretty sure Matt and Mello would go from reluctant to carry out his plan to refusing it outright.
That wouldn't do. He had to do this, needed to know. Needed to know, through his own eyes and memories, not through the conclusion of a doctor who could only interpret based upon the physical evidence. If Near couldn't figure out exactly what had happened based on his injuries, the doctor certainly couldn't.
"Matt will need to start the engine," Near said solemnly, hugging the green toy dinosaur under one arm. "And Mello, you will have to place me into the trunk. Then lock me in and leave me for at least fifteen minutes." He glanced at the car grimly. It's too bad they cannot actually drive somewhere while I'm in there...
Mello crossed his arms and scowled down at Near, shaking his head.
"I can see why you waited for L to leave to mention this plan."
Near looked up at him, too weary to really muster a scowl in return. It was true, he hadn't told L about this idea. He'd only really thought of it as he was stepping through the safehouse door, though, to be fair.
The last thing he could remember before waking up in Mikami's house was being put into the trunk of the man's car. It stood to reason that recreating those circumstances might make Near remember something more.
"Please stop talking and just lock me inside the trunk," he deadpanned.
"Maybe I'll lock you in and then keep talking," Mello shot back, bristling. Near found his irritation reassuring. Mello asking if he was okay had been so obviously sincere that it had made Near feel awkward. He hadn't had much practice at interacting with Mello without arguing involved, even now.
Mello was usually easy to read, mostly because his emotions tended to explode forth without much chance of being contained. Near could tell that Mello had tried to speak calmly and keep from snapping at him out in the living room, and he wasn't sure why. Clearly the blond still had no problem with demanding explanations from L, yet he hadn't done the same with Near.
Perhaps I seem too fragile for him to want to press me right now. Near disliked that idea the moment he thought of it, but it was probably true. Though clearly frustrated and in a sour mood, Mello had an air of some other emotion coloring everything right now, and it was difficult to place it. Pity? Guilt? Whatever it was, it made him seem almost subdued.
Near didn't like it.
Matt stepped between them and over to open the two windows in the wall of the garage, interrupting the white-haired boy's thoughts.
"If we're gonna run the engine indoors, I'm gonna make sure we get some ventilation," he explained. Near could see the worry clearly in his eyes, even with the goggles over them.
I am sorry for all of the trouble I've caused you, Matt. If this helps L catch Mr. Mikami, then he will pay for shooting you, too.
"Thank you, Matt," he said evenly, then turned back to Mello. The blond boy wasn't scowling now so much as looking unhappy. "I am ready."
He hugged the dinosaur to his chest, giving a nod when Mello hovered both hands out toward him. Neither Matt or Mello knew he'd just been through such an uncomfortable visit with the doctor that he'd needed to hold L's hand. Near didn't really want to tell them, but knew he'd have to sooner or later, at least the part about having an examination.
I promised myself that I would be more honest with them. Because they are my friends.
And he intended to be honest, right after they were done doing this. Right now he had to focus on his memory gap. He needed to have all of the evidence if anyone was going to solve this case. If Near wasn't allowed to work on investigating it, then he would play the part that he could and become a more reliable witness.
Mello scooped Near up off of his feet, pulling his attention back to the garage, the car, and the trunk he was about to be locked into. The short T-shirt the blond was wearing felt so different than his usual quilted vest as Near's shoulder pressed against it. It was thinner. He could feel Mello's heart beating fast through the fabric.
Why aren't you being outspoken like usual, Mello? A subdued demeanor does not suit you.
The trunk was right there, but Mello seemed reluctant to lower him into it. He stood for a long moment, just cradling Near against him. He was warm... Near was still so tired that he allowed his head to sink down and rest against the blond boy's shoulder.
I wish that all of this was over. I am sure that everyone is tired of taking care of me. I am tired, too.
"This is a bad idea," Mello said finally, almost whispering it to him.
"Perhaps it is," Near admitted softly, looking down into the trunk and trying not to let his growing unease show. He didn't particularly want to be locked into a car trunk, or to think about Mikami anymore, but if he didn't then he might never settle all of the "what if" scenarios that kept playing out in his nightmares. He had to take control back, even if it was unpleasant. It wasn't like being in the trunk could actually hurt him.
"You don't have to do it."
He looked up at Mello, who glanced quickly from the trunk toward him when he noticed. Those blue eyes were full of scrutiny and concern and...yes, there it was. Guilt. He looked tired, too. His eyes were a bit red. Near wasn't the only one who had been sleeping poorly this week.
"I don't have to do it," he said finally, "but I need to do it. Please, Mello."
The blond boy gritted his teeth and stepped up to the trunk. With much more care than Near could remember Mikami using, Mello lowered him into the small open space and placed him at the bottom. Near curled his legs up and rolled over onto his side—the right side, not the one with the bruised hip bone.
Mello's hands lifted away. He closed the trunk quickly without comment, clicking the lock into place. The sounds of the world outside were all muffled now. Shadowy carpeting inside the trunk stretched out before him, along with the overwhelming rubber scent of the spare tire stored beneath it.
The smells and the darkness felt like being immersed in a different time and place. Near closed his eyes, hugged the dinosaur to his chest, and took several long, deep breaths. He was ready to move forward with all of this, and in order to move forward, he first had to go back.
It was time to remember.
-End Chapter 29
In Charge Akugi! Volume 29
Akugi #114
L: You can order something to eat if you like. I'd take the chance if I were you. This chapter has no food in it at all. Are you trying to help the bad guys by depriving me of sugar, Ms. Threshie? It's not going to work. I have my ways. (Watari, tell me the police station has donuts somewhere...)
Akugi #115
Near: Th-thank you for bringing me to the examination, too. I am sorry that I punched the doctor out for saying that there is no scientific proof that dinosaurs had feathers. u.u;
L: There's no need to apologize—that was hilarious.
Akugi #116
Mello: Come on, L. Matt and Near might be injured, but I can still work!
L: Correct—they're injured, and you aren't, and I want to keep it that way. We're running out of people who are well enough to do the action scenes, and this story still has chapters to go. C_C
Akugi #117
Mello: L didn't look disheveled to match, so it's not from driving with the car windows down or something...
Near: I rode here on the roof of Watari's car. I needed some air.
Mello: What—wait, that thought was private, dammit!
Near: u.u If you do not want me responding, then stop thinking so loud.
AN: Phew, alrighty, we're rolling on toward the end with this thing! I can't tell you how many more chapters we've got, but Akugi L is correct, the next chapter is definitely not the last one.
I drew a few new pieces of fanart to match this fic; here's Near with the dinosaur: threshasketch/754667523976331264/near-with-his-toy-dinosaur-from-my-fanfic-in?source=share and Matt with the dinosaur: threshasketch/754666210752446464/matt-with-nears-toy-dinosaur-from-my-fanfic-in?source=share . More later, almost certainly. I might even draw this fic actual cover art, who knows?
Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated!