"We should go to the beach."
Lucy looks at Tim in absolute confusion, and he's pretty sure he'd have gotten a saner look from her if he'd said he'd grown a third head.
"What? You hate the beach."
Tim hesitates for a moment, and Lucy's look softens – in the time they've been back together, she's learned that this means he's thinking about something he's learned or discussed in therapy, considering something vulnerable he's about to share with her. She waits, as she's learned to do, knowing that he will most likely share with her without any prompting or pushing if he's ready to – and if he doesn't want to share, that's okay, too, because she knows he's working through something with the tools he's learned from his therapist.
"I don't want to hate the beach anymore," he says simply. "I don't want to be the guy who won't take his kids to the beach, or the guy who won't take his wife to the beach on their honeymoon," he adds with a soft smile, and she smiles back, feelings of warmth swirling in her stomach – the intentional mentions of their future once again present between them and how they mean so much more, now. How after it all, she's still looking at being his wife one day. "Or even take beach vacations. It's just that I have some bad memories at the beach."
"I see," Lucy says simply, letting him decide how much he wants to share about his experiences at the beach, presumably as a child.
"We used to go sometimes, when we were kids," he starts easily, not hesitating in wanting to share. "I think my mom liked it, an easy way to get out of the house on the weekends so she could avoid us butting heads with my dad. And it was an easy sell for my dad, because he could plop himself down and drink all day. He'd always take a six pack, or disguise hard liquor in some way. One time he put rum into a kid's sippy cup. Who does that? He'd always end up drinking too much, and with the sun..." Tim's thoughts start to veer off track, then he seems to snap back to reality. "Anyway, it was always a nightmare. One time Genny and I were building a sandcastle, and I accidentally flung sand at her. It just went flying off the shovel, y'know? I was a kid, I was just having fun. But she started crying, so my dad dumped a whole bucket of sand on me, asked me how I liked it. The sad part is when he started putting the sand in the bucket we got excited because we thought he was going to play with us. Then there was the time that I was out in the ocean and my mom told me to stay in her sight. Of course, with the current I drifted too far away and didn't even realize it had happened. My dad was so pissed off when my mom couldn't find me, held me under the water and told me that's how it would feel when I drifted too far away and drowned."
"Oh," Lucy breathes softly. "Baby, I'm sorry."
"I talked about it in therapy a while ago when we were talking about my dad. We talked about how those are normal things kids accidentally do at the beach and it's not a normal way for a parent to react and it wasn't my fault he reacted because I was just a kid at the beach. Anyway, I guess that's why I still have bad associations. For years I denied it to myself, instead I just made-up other reasons to hate it." He pauses and lets out a little smile. "I mean, partially. I do still think the ocean is terrifying, though. What the hell is in there?"
Lucy lets out a little laugh at his joke, then puts a warm, comforting hand on his arm. "We should go to the beach, then," she agrees with his original request. "We can make much better memories at the beach together," she teases as she leans forward to kiss him gently. "In fact, I think have just the swimsuit to help with that," she adds as she lets her fingertips ghost over his arm.
She sees Tim's eyes go from thoughtful to dark, and he grins at the response. "Yes. Yes, let's do that."
"We could go to Malibu," Lucy adds, already picking up her phone to start searching beaches. "If we go to Santa Monica or Huntington Beach, they'll be packed with kids and a ton of people that are bound to ruin it for you. Let me find one of the smaller beaches in Malibu, it'll be a nice, relaxing day."
He reaches out for her, pulling her to him by the hips and she smiles softly at his expression of wonder. "I love you," he says in a soft whisper before kissing her gently.
"Eh, you're okay," she teases, eyes sparkling as he makes a face at her and playfully pinches her hip, causing her to laugh.
After the breakup, after therapy, he'd begun to realize how easy it was to open up to someone like Lucy who was such a safe place, so non-judgmental and supportive.
She'd always managed to pull it out of him, before, in bits and pieces – as his rookie, as his aide, as his friend, as his girlfriend. At least, more so than anyone else ever could. But there was still a part of him that he couldn't even face himself, let alone share with anybody else.
One of the first things he'd worked on in therapy, when he felt they had a chance of getting back together and as they took the first steps towards reconciling, was how to be more open with her.
And he found that once he got started, it wasn't as difficult as he'd thought. She never judged him, she never pushed him, she never made him feel bad about himself. She always listened and supported him and knew just how to comfort him and make him feel lighter, she always knew when to respond and when to just listen.
On Saturday morning, after grabbing sandwiches from their favorite sandwich shop, they make it to the beach in Malibu - small, quaint, and quiet (except for the cars rolling by on PCH behind them). Tim grumbles about the sand getting in everything, but otherwise he seems mostly at ease.
Lucy notices he looks good, though – arms already slightly tanned from his patrol uniform, a betraying smile, sunglasses covering the eyes that are sure to give away more of his mood, a t-shirt that clings to him just as nicely as his swim trunks do.
She could absolutely picture that beach honeymoon. Only he'd have a ring on his finger, looking extremely sexy against his would-be tanned skin.
It scares her, still, imagining these things. She knows what they've talked about and what they've promised, but she used to think it was a given, before. Now she knows just how quickly it can all vanish.
"Lucy?"
"Huh?" she snaps out of her thoughts and looks at Tim.
"I said your shoulders are getting pink."
"Oh," she realizes and reaches for her bag, a glance at her shoulder as she does so. "Here," she says as she thrusts the bottle of sunscreen at him. "Can you do my back?"
He takes the bottle with a nod, squeezing the lotion into his hands and rubbing it onto her back, over her shoulders as he dips his fingers gently beneath the straps of her swimsuit before finally venturing lower, covering her lower back.
"Tim," she chides as he lets his hands slip beneath the bottom half of her swimsuit.
"Hmm?" he feigns obliviousness, but she can hear and feel the smirk he's bound to be wearing even while she's facing away from him.
"I don't need sunscreen there."
He grins knowingly and leans forward to whisper in her ear. "Oops."
She shakes her head, gently slapping at his hand and turning to look at him. "Are you enjoying this?"
"Putting sunscreen on you? Yes."
She rolls her eyes. "No, I mean the beach. Because you know, you don't have to like the beach."
"I enjoy anything with you," he admits easily. He eyes her for a moment, hand coming to rest on her side as he rubs the remaining lotion into her skin. "Do you cover it on purpose?"
She knows exactly what he's talking about, the particular swimsuit she'd chosen covering the tattoo on her abdomen easily. "It's not really… it's a very private thing."
Tim nods as he studies the swimsuit she'd picked out – a one piece that looks almost like a two piece, except the material that attaches the top to the bottom gives her side just enough coverage her tattoo is mostly covered, only a slight glimpse of black ink peeking out.
"This is sexy though," he breathes as he lets his hand play with the thin strap that holds the two cups together.
She laughs, and lets his hand wander. "I told you there's things to like about the beach."
He hums his agreement. "When we get home, I want to take this off of you," he decides, tugging on the strap.
Lucy frowns. "I'm full of sand and sweat and sunscreen. I should probably shower first-"
His eyes light up. "Even better idea. I'll take it off and let's get into the shower."
She shakes her head. "Tim."
"With my teeth."
"Oh my God," she rumbles. "Stop it. I can't be getting hot and bothered in middle of the beach," she chides as Tim grins at the implication.
The moment Tim broke up with her in the Mid-Wilshire parking lot, she's not sure she ever could have seen this, or imagined saying this – but they were better for it.
He's been working hard in therapy. She knows he's working through a lot of things from his past. Things he knew he had issues with, and things he had only just discovered. He'd been working on accepting things he'd done in the past - mistakes he'd made, things he regretted, and reframing traumatic situations to see them for what they really were.
Sometimes he comes out of therapy triggered and upset and has a really hard time.
But he's kept with it.
He doesn't always share with her. Sometimes he does.
She's proud of him for all of it. For going, for finding another therapist after Dr. London, for keeping at it even when it's hard, for taking it seriously and applying what he's learning.
He's been working on being more open with her. Not to say he's perfect at it, nor does she expect him to be perfect at it all the time. But as the weeks turned into months, he's gotten more comfortable sharing with her what makes him feel most vulnerable, at noticing when he's about to retreat and pull into himself instead of speaking up and subsequently changing course, at not retreating when she pushes him to talk about something.
She'd always trusted him, until it all fell apart. And even then, it was still there in an odd, all-encompassing way. Though she wasn't sure she could trust him with her heart, she knew, even then, that if she was in real trouble and needed him - or wanted him - he would be there. Maybe the day she jumped from one moving vehicle to another to save his life is the day he realized the same thing for himself: no matter what goes on between them, they will always protect each other when it counts.
Eventually, she was able to give him another chance with her heart. Because no matter how angry, how mad, how hurt she had been: a part of her understood that his breakdown was beyond him.
And now, back together, it's almost like it was before: but it's more. The trust is more – on both sides. Tim, being able to open up to her and share things he's never shared with anyone else. Lucy, for understanding she's the chosen one to be privy to these things.
Their teasing and flirtation is more. The physical touch is more. Even the PDA is more.
And their sex life is more. Not something they had ever thought possible, because they'd never exactly been lacking in that area. But with the new levels of trust and communication and appreciation to be with one another came even more satisfying intimacy.
The knowledge they really chose each other is more, to come back together after breaking up.
They really were better for it all.
•
It's been a long day at work, and Lucy is exhausted. They'd been short-staffed at the station, everyone in Los Angeles seemed to be working on their own brand of crazy, and it was a full moon. She figures Tim is wiped, too – but she hasn't quite figured out if his off mood is because of that, or something else. He hadn't said much on the way home, though that's not always entirely unusual for Tim.
"You okay?" Lucy finally asks as they enter her apartment. "You were pretty quiet on the way home."
"I was jealous today."
The words fall from his lips instantly, easily, without hesitation.
Lucy puts down her keys on the counter and looks up at Tim, utterly confused. "What?"
"Today, at the station," he clarifies. "That new transfer from North Hollywood."
"Gutierrez?" she asks, though she already knows, because he'd been chatting with her a lot the past few days. The guy was new and lost and looking for a friendly face. After she'd warned him about Smitty and his antics when he was about to get taken for a ride when Smitty tried to sell him snacks from the vending machines at a more expensive price, he'd seem to gravitate towards her the rest of the day.
Tim nods. "He was talking about you earlier, in the locker room." He pauses, considering his words. "That sounds weird. Nothing bad, just about how nice you are. How pretty your eyes are," Tim adds in a huff of annoyance with an eyeroll. "And he was flirting with you at the food trucks. I know it's stupid because I trust you but I still didn't like it."
She blinks at him, mouth slightly agape for a moment. "You've never said something like that before."
Tim frowns. "What?"
"You have never just outwardly told me how something like that has bothered you before, especially without any prompting on my part."
"I'm sorry," he says, taking her words to mean she's surprised or irritated at his reaction. "I'm not putting blame on you, but you asked what was wrong and if I'm acting a certain way because of it…"
"I'm so proud of you," she says softly, and he looks at her, surprised. "Tim, you never would've said something like that before. You would've stewed over it, you would've gotten snippy, you would've shut down on me, you would've probably barked at the guy. Even if I started pressing you about what was wrong, you would've just said you were fine."
He frowns, still confused at her meaning. "Are you… mad?"
"What? No!" she says with a laugh, reaching out to pat his arm. "I'm very impressed with your communication skills."
"Oh," he realizes with a little smile, letting out a breath.
"There's only one man I want to flirt with me, and right now, I'm extremely hot for him."
Tim can't help but play with her, a small smirk tugging at his lips. "Smitty?"
"Oh my God Tim, shut up! Why would you even put that out there. God."
He laughs and then she laughs. "I feel better now," he admits.
"You don't have to be jealous," she tells him softly. "I mean, it's a normal feeling. I certainly feel it sometimes, but after everything we've been through some random North Hollywood P2 isn't going to pull me away."
"I know that. It has nothing to do with you or a lack of faith in us. I just didn't like when he talked about your eyes. He was telling everyone about your eyes. Those are my eyes to talk about. Who is he to be looking at your eyes?"
Lucy chuckles and gives a little shrug. "I mean, most people look at my eyes, actually, when they speak to me. It's a common courtesy to look people in the eyes when you talk to them."
"He's new. Maybe he thinks he has a chance with you or he's got a crush on you or…"
"I think he's just nervous and overly friendly. Yes, he did get a little flirty at the food trucks, so that's when I strategically told Aaron about our plans for date night this weekend and even dropped your name. I think he'll be steering way clear of you because Aaron understood the assignment and very purposefully called you by your full title. I saw Gutierrez's eyes widen when he heard sergeant." She pauses for a moment, then smirks. "Remember when you used to flirt with me?"
He narrows his eyes at her, instantly suspicious. "When?"
"Before," she says with a gleam in her eye, as if she knows she's inciting something. "When I was your aide. Maybe when I was your rookie."
"I did not flirt with you when you were my rookie," he declares instantly, already prepared to defend himself against the accusation since the instant she brought this up.
"Ehh," she makes an indecisive face indicating she's not sure she agrees as she gives a little shrug and head tilt.
"I did not. I was training you."
"But you're not denying flirting with me when I was your aide?" she teases, quirking an eyebrow.
"Do you live to agitate me?" he asks with a sigh, though she can easily see the sparkle in his eye and notices the lack of denial.
"Isn't that clear by now?" she grabs his hand and tugs him toward her. "And isn't it clear by now that that's how I flirt with you?"
He lets out a laugh and rolls his eyes. "I wasn't flirting with you then, but apparently you were flirting with me, because boy did you agitate me."
"And now?" she teases, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Do you like to flirt with me now?" she whispers into his ear.
"I like to do a lot more than flirt with you," he teases as he leans in to kiss beneath her ear.
"Well, come on then, Sergeant," she hums. "Have at it."
He leans in towards her and just when she expects to feel his lips on hers, he stops.
"Wait, when were you jealous?"
She shakes her head at him and kisses him herself.
•
On Saturday morning Lucy moves about Tim's kitchen with the groceries they'd just bought at the Farmer's Market, pushing some things out of the way to make space to set the bags down on his counter when she notices an open book. Tim is preoccupied with Kojo, who is excited they're home and barking at his feet. The pages are blank except for some of Tim's handwriting on the one it's open to and she realizes it's not an actual book, but a book for him to write in.
"What's that?" Lucy asks, nodding her head towards it.
"My journal," he says simply, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"Oh," she realizes, suddenly freezing as if coming near it would be a violation of privacy. "For therapy?"
"Yeah. Well, it started out that way. Now I just write there from time to time. Or when I have homework."
She laughs at the dreaded way he says homework, as if he's a high schooler again, and teases, "You just leave it out here for anyone to find?"
"If by anyone, you mean you – or Kojo – then, sure." She shrugs her understanding before he adds, "There's nothing in there I'm hiding from you."
"I mean – I wouldn't just read it," she clarifies.
"I know that." He starts unpacking the reusable bag she'd placed on the counter and adds, "But I don't care if you did."
"What?" she furrows her brow in confusion.
"You could read it," he says simply as he sets down the strawberries. "It's pretty raw in the beginning from when I first started therapy, when we were broken up."
"And you'd be okay if I read that?" she wonders, surprised.
"I don't want any secrets from you," he clarifies simply.
She blinks her eyes rapidly, trying to stop the tears that are forming, but it's useless as she feels one slip down her cheek. She feels a warmth overwhelm her, a feeling she's felt with him so many other times. In the very beginning it was when he would praise her as a rookie. Later, it was when he'd do something kind or playfully tease her and she could see he cared about her as a friend. Eventually, it was when they were a couple and he'd kiss her or flirt with her, or when they were satiated and cuddling in bed, or when he'd offer his unwavering support and care.
"Why are you crying?" he asks, softly, stepping around the counter to come towards her as she wipes away a stray tear.
"I just…" she bites her lip and he opens his arms to her, unsure why she's crying but willing to provide the comfort regardless. "We're going to be okay," she says softly.
He kisses her on the head, swaying her gently in his arms as he wraps her tightly in his embrace. "We are. I promise."
"I've been scared," she admits into his chest. "Trying this again, I was so scared, even when I was ready to start again. I was scared last time, and this time it's so much scarier but right now I just… I know it. We can do this."
"I promise you," he tells her softly, kissing her forehead. "I promise this is it."
She pulls back and wipes her eyes. "What about me?"
"What do you mean?"
"What do you need from me? What can I do to make this stronger? All the work can't be put on you."
He hums in thought, actually giving it a consideration. "Lucy, you never did anything wrong. I'm the one who blew it all up because of things I needed to deal with."
"That's not true," she says with a little laugh. "I made mistakes, too. I did the five-player trade without telling you. I blamed you for undermining me at that stupid crime scene. I don't know that I handled the Ray situation right."
"Okay, maybe," he responds. "Although if you look hard enough, all those situations probably fall back on me and my lack of communication. Besides, we're going to make mistakes. It's how we rebound from them that matters."
"That sounds suspiciously like therapy speak," Lucy teases and he smirks.
"You've already done the hardest part."
"What's that?" she asks, sniffling as she wipes away the tears.
"Forgave me and were willing to be vulnerable enough to give this another shot. I know you were scared."
"Well, I mean, that was kind of for me, too," she laughs and he chuckles.
"Still – without you taking that risk – and working through it – we couldn't be here. And I need you to promise me that if you ever, ever feel like I'm not the person you deserve-"
"Tim-"
"No, just listen. If you ever feel that way, you have to promise me you won't stay when you shouldn't."
"That won't happen."
"That's what I need," he tells her sincerely. "I won't ever make that choice for you again, but I need to know you'll make it if you have to."
"I will," she says softly. "I would've, before," she adds.
"Okay."
"And I need you to know you're free to leave at any time if you're not happy."
This seems to take him by surprise. "What?"
"We keep talking about how you'll never walk away again. But I don't want you think you're shackled here forever even if you're not happy. Don't walk away again for my sake. I'll make that call. But if you're ever unhappy, I want you to know you're free to leave."
"I'm not leaving."
"Tim."
"Okay," he agrees quietly. "Yeah."
She nods. "Okay."
"But I'm not leaving."
"Alright," she says with a laugh, shoving at him. "I get it."
•
"Can we go home now?"
"Stop it."
"Stop what?"
"I know why you want to go home," Lucy teases and Tim looks at her, feigning innocence. "Your eyes haven't left my chest all night."
"That's not true!" he declares, then his eyes turn mischievous. "I've had them on your ass, too."
"Tim," she laughs as she hits at him playfully.
"I mean, are you trying to tell me that dress is not drawing attention to those areas? It's my birthday," he says as he pulls her closer to him, even as he's still seated on the barstool. She goes easily, stepping between his legs, his lower height at his seated level giving him the perfect view of one of the parts he's been eyeing all night. "I want to go unwrap my gift."
Lucy feels tingly and warm. "Who says I'm your gift?"
"You're so rude."
Despite his flirtation and his insistence that he wants to leave and take her home already, she knows he's having a good time.
She's never seen him celebrate himself, willingly, before. When she'd tested the waters and mentioned getting their friends together at the bar for his birthday, she'd expected a protest. But he'd been game immediately.
"Later," she tells him, even as she wraps her hands around him and allows a moment in his embrace. He whines when she pulls back and she chuckles. "Later, I promise it'll be worth the wait."
Aaron and Celina are chatting at the bar, Smitty hovering over their conversation. Nyla, James, Nolan and Bailey are gathered at a small table, drinking beer and laughing. Angela, Wesley and Grey are playing a rousing game of foosball in the game area, Grey getting particularly competitive and riled up, his shouts heard across the bar.
"A lot of people love and care about you," she points out as she senses him watching their friends around them.
It had been important to her that he see this, after everything that went down the past year. No matter what, there are people in his corner.
"I know," he admits softly. Angela, and Lucy, who had risked their careers for him without hesitation, even when he'd begged them not to. Grey, who probably should've fired him or at least demoted him without hesitation the way Pine did. Aaron, who tried his damndest to support him when he was down after the break up, pushing him towards Lucy in the simplest of ways. Celina, who was still somewhat terrified of him as a TO but had graciously made space for him in her personal life and her apartment. Nolan, who had been a patient and understanding union rep through all the turmoil Tim had hurled at him to sort through. "I care about them, too. But I love you the most," he tells her into her shoulder and she laughs.
"You better."
He turns pensive for a moment and she studies him. "I'm sorry we didn't get to spend your birthday together," he says softly.
She lets out a soft sigh of understanding. It had been a hard blow, her birthday – it had been so close to their breakup that they'd already talked about it, made plans. She'd watched him program reminders into his phone.
("You need to set a reminder for my birthday?!" she'd teased him as she watched him fiddle with his phone in bed one morning.
"Just in case! What if I get hurt at work and go into a coma?" he'd retorted and she hit him for even speaking such an idea into existence.
"Tim! Don't even say that."
"It's just in case. Anything can happen with our jobs and our schedules and I'm not going to be the guy who forgets his girlfriend's birthday because he was out all night on a Metro call and isn't sure if it's day or night or Monday or Tuesday. Wouldn't be the first time."
She can't fault him, because she remembers the day they got into an argument when he swore it was Friday when it was actually Saturday.
"I don't need a reminder for your birthday," she tutted, just to mess with him. "I know when you were born, down to the minute."
Tim rolled his eyes at her, looking up at her from his phone momentarily. "Only because you and Juarez probably wanted to do some kind of birth chart analysis." She frowned, and he knew he was right. "Besides, I know your birthday. Look. I'm putting it in right now," he'd said, showing her the phone to show her that he knew the proper date. " . ," he'd added with a smirk, showing her the time he set for reminder. Lucy rolled her eyes, though clearly pleased, as he'd watched her momentarily. "You're not wearing any pants," he noted suddenly, eyes drifting to her bare thighs where her oversized t-shirt was riding up.
She raised her eyebrows, her expression changing. "I'm not, because that's how you left me last night."
He'd gulped, then cursed as he realized he'd lost focus on his reminders. "Damnit. I think I just set another one," he grumbled and Lucy laughed.).
Aaron had told her, later (much later) that his damn reminders had been going off all day the day before her birthday.
(She kind of thought that served him right, at the time.)
"Well, luckily enough, they come around every year. We can try again next year." Tim huffs a sound that's a cross between understanding and disappointment. "Besides, Kojo got me a nice card." He lets out a real laugh, at that.
"Bet he made a huge mess making that damn pawprint for your card, too," Tim grouses as he takes a sip of his drink. "Probably even got some of the paint on the couch."
Lucy laughs. "Bet he did. He probably knew his owner deserved it."
He drops his jaw in mock outrage. "Oh my God."
"What?"
"Lucy Chen, you've got a vindictive side."
"No, I don't!"
"Yes, you do!" he retorts. "You invited everyone including Grey to Tamara's going away dinner right in front of me. On purpose."
Lucy drops her jaw now, as if she's aghast at his accusation, but then she just starts laughing. "You deserved it. Tamara was mad at you, anyway."
He chuckles. "I love you."
"I love you, too." She gives him a soft kiss on the lips. "Don't mess with me, though."
"I surely won't."
"I almost put a curse on you, once."
"What?! Why?"
She purses her lips, not wanting to explain the whole Ashley proposal and how it had really sent her into a tailspin. "Just trust me, you deserved it. Big time."
He shakes his head. "I have something for you," he says softly, almost shyly.
"For me?" she asks, confusion lacing her features. "It's your birthday." She lets out a laugh and quirks an eyebrow. "You're not going to try and convince me to leave by telling me to unwrap you, are you?"
"No," he chuckles. "I'm definitely doing the unwrapping tonight." Heat courses through her at his words and he pulls a small box out of his jacket pocket. "I just…" he trails off his sentence with a shrug and he knows that she can see the wheels turning in his head as he reasons with himself.
Say it. Explain it. Tell her how you feel. Don't shy away from it.
"I know I don't need to, I don't know, owe you this, but I want to. Just because. Small doses, right?"
She bites the corner of her lip as she takes the box from him carefully. "I thought we were beyond that, now."
"No," he laughs genuinely. "I said for the rest of my life, Lucy. I didn't specify if we had to be apart or not."
"Oh," she says softly, his words rushing through her like a warm liquid. She opens the box carefully to see a bracelet. Gold, to match the necklace she had recently unearthed from its hiding place in a box in her closet. Simple, elegant, with a small infinity sign in the middle of the chain.
"It's, y'know, a symbol."
"Infinity," she states.
"Right." She knows he's feeling vulnerable, so she lets him have a minute to figure out his words. "I wanted it to symbolize us beginning again. But it's not just… even with what we went through, there's no end. I'm not saying this right. Even though we broke up and started over again, I don't feel like there was ever an end. There won't ever be. Just a bump in the road."
She nods, kissing him gently on the lips. "Thank you. It's… that's beautiful and so special to me." He clasps the bracelet on her wrist and opens his mouth to reply when she notices someone enter the bar. "Genny's here," she says in surprise.
"Oh, yeah. I invited her."
Lucy blinks. "You did?"
"Yeah." Tim frowns as he stands to greet his sister. "Why, are you… surprised?"
She shrugs, realizing that she is – that she's surprised Tim made the effort to seek out Genny, to ask someone to celebrate him. With their friends, it'd been a joint invite, Lucy doing a lot of the asking and a lot of the use of the words we when inviting them out to the bar for his birthday.
But maybe, she shouldn't be surprised. Not anymore.
Genny hugs Lucy – gushes with her over her dress while Lucy can see Tim's devilish smirk over her head at the mention of it – and then Genny sits down with Tim at the bar. Lucy smiles at them and starts to wander off to go talk to Nyla and Celina who she spots at the table nearest the bar, deciding to give Tim and Genny some time to themselves. Tim frowns at her as she leaves, giving her a questioning glance as his fingers trail down her arm as if his ghost of a touch is going to keep her from leaving, but she just smiles at him and makes a motion indicating she's going to mingle.
She watches from across the room as Tim and Genny talk and laugh, and for all the work he's put into his relationship with her, she can see through his therapy and the conversations he's had about his childhood and his sister he's working to improve his relationship with Genny in some manner, too – whether it be intentional or an unconscious byproduct of his therapy. She's not privy to what they may be working through or past, what he may have unearthed in therapy, but she feels a contentment in her at the idea that he's finding peace in so many ways.
•
They'd spent many weekend mornings walking or taking hikes with Kojo, before.
But since their reconciliation, it's become a Sunday morning tradition, no questions asked about their plans for the day.
They sleep in until eight, hit the trail by nine, and usually go for brunch or lunch afterward at the place Celina had turned them on to that has the dog friendly patio.
(One Sunday it's raining so they skip their hike, and it seems to throw Tim off more than Lucy would expect. She knows he's a man of structure and routine, but she can sense something about this routine means more to him that she's caught on to. Even Kojo seems to be perturbed, sensing that something is amiss and it should be time for his outdoor adventure.)
As they leisurely climb the familiar trail while Kojo sniffs at all the rocks and patches of grass along the way, Tim reaches for Lucy's hand with the hand not holding Kojo's leash and she takes it willingly.
He seems shy to admit it, but he says, "My therapist recommended spending time in nature, just to practice mindfulness. You know, feel the sun and the breeze and disconnect from the daily grind."
"Kind of like a type of meditation," Lucy states, remembering all the times that she'd try to convince him to engage in such and he'd brushed her off, not even willing to listen to the fact that meditation doesn't have to just be sitting quietly in a room.
She knows he remembers by the look on his face. "Yes. And I'm sorry I didn't listen to you before," he breathes and she shrugs it off with a squeeze of his hand.
"You weren't ready," she justifies with a shrug. "It's okay."
"Anyway, it actually… makes me feel really good, being in nature. Calm. Peaceful. And sharing it with you and Kojo makes it so much better." He lets out a breath. "It's such a good way to end the weekend before we hit the ground running at work again. And I look forward to this time all week." She squeezes his hand in agreement and as Kojo starts to move on, so do they.
"I do, too," she admits.
"When we have kids one day – maybe we could keep it up. I mean, not necessarily a hike but like, a family walk or the park on Sundays."
"That would be nice," Lucy agrees softly, closing her eyes and letting the moment wash over her – the sunshine, Tim's hand holding hers, the easy promise of their future so second nature once again.
"You know, my whole life was trauma, before this? My childhood was full of abuse – both emotional and physical - then I went straight into the army on the back of that and added a lot more to my plate. I came back and was still processing that when I joined the academy, a whole experience of its own, and I met Isabel. And I'm not saying there weren't good times with her. There were. But I still had a lot weighing me down. Then our marriage ended like it did, with her leaving and the drugs." Lucy nods. "That's around the time we met, and you know the rest." He looks out over the edge of the trail at the scenic view of LA, smog and all. "I feel really good that this next part," he says softly, "of my life. You and me and our family we'll have… I know this is going to be the healthiest part of my life. Thanks to therapy and… you."
She feels her heart clench in love and appreciation for him. "You deserve that."
"Yeah," he says, letting out a breath and she knows it's a huge deal that he can agree with her. "I do. I deserve that and I deserve you. I deserve someone who supports me like you do, and who makes me as happy as you do and who is a true partner. Thank you for coming back to me, for giving this another chance."
She nods, tugging on his hand to get him to look at her. When he does, she adds, "I deserve you, too."
He smiles and nods his agreement, kissing her on the forehead. Perhaps this is even a bigger deal, the words you deserve so much better still ringing in her ears from the moment he walked away with a similar kiss to the forehead, then. "You do. Because I love you so much and you deserve to be loved like that."
She nods, tears filling her eyes, as she steps forward to hug him tightly, burying her head into his shoulder.
They're silent for a moment, taking it all in – the feelings, the progress they've made, the optimism and hope for their future, the fact that they're here.
"Well," Lucy gives a little laugh. "At least we finally got that straight."