Chapter 15

The roar of their engines echoed throughout the enormity of Titan Tower's garage as Robin and Red X came flying in and screeched to a stop. Robin stepped away from his motorcycle and tossed his helmet on a nearby work bench, taking huge strides toward the doors of the elevator before a green figure moved to stand in his way.

"Now's not the time, Beast Boy," Robin said, dismissively, already reaching out to brush him aside.

"Cyborg's orders," Beast Boy said, holding a hand out to indicate that Robin should stop. His voice was filled with more conviction than usual. "He said that until she's done with transfusions there are to be no visitors. He needs you to hang tight. He's afraid that anyone else in there will only upset her powers as they're trying to heal her and he doesn't want anything interfering." He paused and gave a little huff. "He kicked me out too, if it makes you feel any better."

Robin was going to protest but seeing how serious Beast Boy was and then seeing how hurt he seemed to be at being asked to leave as well, Robin simply heaved a sigh.

He turned to Red X, half hoping that the former thief would say something for him; that he would insist on going up to see her so that Robin would get to see her without having to be the bad guy, but Red X merely hung his head, swore, and tossed his helmet on the workbench next to Robin's in defeat.

Robin turned back to Beast Boy. "I'll want to know as soon as we can see her, Beast Boy. Please."

The changeling nodded and turned back to the elevator once he was sure that Robin meant what he said. The metal doors slid shut and Robin looked back to Red X.

"You handled yourself well on that," the Titan said, inclining his head toward the R1, desperate to change the subject. "Better than I would have expected."

"You should know better than to underestimate me by now, kid," was his response, but it lacked the normal level of cocky arrogance to be convincing.

"I was trying to be civil," Robin said stiffly. "The modifications I made were no joke. I didn't think you'd be able to adapt so well. Clearly you have experience."

Red X looked at Robin trying to read him before he shrugged. "Not my first time on something of that caliber."

Robin raised a brow at the response. Something was nagging at the back of his mind and he couldn't place what it was. Suspicion? Familiarity? Recognition? He struggled with it and it didn't put him in a good mood.

Red X watched the Titan's expression go through a shift as he wrestled with his thoughts and the thief let out a small chuckle at ruffling his feathers so, seemingly lightening his own sour mood a bit. He turned to take in the garage for a moment, letting Robin stew in his thoughts when something in the corner caught his eye. He let out a whistle before he could help himself and went to investigate.

"Is that a 1950 Norton Manx?"

Robin smirked as he looked up to where Red X had turned to. His eyes rested on his favorite project bike and nodded when the thief turned to look at him.

"It's . . . pristine! How much did that set you back?"

"I worked on it myself," Robin said, a slight smug tone entering his voice. "It was a mess when I found it. Some of those parts were not easy to come by. That is one of my few projects that I haven't modified with modern tech. It's as perfect as it was in its racing days."

Red X shook his head and stared back at the bike, hands running over it without actually touching.

"Clearly you know your motorcycles," Robin said, hoping he could lead Red X to revealing more about himself.

"I've had my fair share of experience. Used to ride while under the guardianship of an old mentor. He hated it, though. Said I was impulsive and reckless."

Robin heard his words and a chill ran through him. This niggling feeling in the back of his mind would not let go of the idea that the person behind the Red X mask seemed so familiar to him, somehow. Both cocky side he'd fought against so many times and also this dark, brooding version he was now getting. He just couldn't place why or from where.

But he vowed he would find out. If Raven wouldn't tell him then he'd find out on his own. But he would find out.

Red X finally asked the question that he had been afraid of the answer to.

"Can I wait here? In the tower?" He looked at Robin, knowing full well that the Titan couldn't see the expression behind the mask, but hoping that his words were conveying the concern that he had for the woman they both cared for. "I want to be close by."

Robin studied him for a moment, but couldn't get a read on the figure that stood stock still before him. Finally he nodded.

"I still don't trust you, and I still don't know if I can," he said, before Red X could get too comfortable with his answer, "but you . . . you helped me out tonight and if nothing else I owe you for that. But don't get used to it."

Robin made his way to the elevator, pushing the button and waiting for Red X to join him. They entered together. They rode up in silence. The doors opened to the common room and Robin gestured for Red X to exit first.

"Stick to the common areas. If you try to get anywhere you don't belong the alarms will go off. I'll make sure you know when she wakes."

"Will you let me know when we're able to see her, if that happens first?"

Robin looked at him for a time before nodding. He turned and went toward the hall to his room when his communicator went off. He reached for it and opened it.

"Is she awake?" he asked hurriedly as Cyborg's face appeared on the screen.

"No, not yet," came Cyborg's wear reply, though he sounded relieved which eased some of Robin's worry. "But she needs another transfusion or two, still, and we're out of our supply. She shouldn't need much more, though, and I thought I'd ask. We can go to the next hospital and ask or we could handle it internally."

Robin's brow furrowed questioningly before realization dawned on his face.

"I'm her blood match," he said, realizing what Cyborg was insinuating.

"It's up to you, I know you just got back. I just thought the less we had to take from the hospitals -"

"No, you're right," Robin interrupted. "I'll be down in just a minute."

He turned back to the elevator and found Red X standing exactly where he left him. He, obviously, couldn't see his face but he knew that the thief had heard his conversation.

"She's fine," he said stoically. "She just needs more blood. Cyborg seemed at ease and he wouldn't be like that if she were worrying him."

He moved to the elevator and stepped in when the metal doors opened.

"Stay in the common areas," he reminded Red X again as the doors slid closed between them.

Robin's jaw clenched and remained so until he walked through the med bay doors. He had been wondering at the wisdom of allowing Red X access to the tower, but he was concerned for several reason about making him leave. He wasn't sure if Red X would remain gone or if he would attempt to sneak back in, and he'd rather know that he was there than be surprised. But the most important reason for letting him stay was that he knew it's what Raven would have wanted and, when she woke, some selfish part of him wanted her to be pleased with his decision. Still, none of it sat well with him as he approached Cyborg who was standing near the door in front of a wall of monitors.

Before Robin could say anything Cyborg closed the distance between them, grabbed his leader by his arm and walked him to another partial cubicle of the med bay, away from the bed on the far wall of the main chamber where he could see that Raven now lay. The bots were still active, now cleaning the table on which they had worked to save her, mopping up the last of the blood.

He moved his eyes back to Raven, hovering slightly over the clean white linens, a light blanket draped over her. He focused on the fact that her face was peaceful and that her chest rose and fell with an even rhythm. He didn't take his eyes from her as Cyborg guided him to a cot and told him to lay down. He did as he was asked and didn't look at his friend until he felt the sting of the needle in his arm.

"Do I have to be laying down for this?" he asked, finally looking at Cyborg in confusion, as if just now realizing what was going on.

"For the amount that I'm going to have to take I need you to be lying down," Cyborg said, looking back at him. "I need more than a standard donation and I can't have you getting a concussion because you passed out while seated. I don't need much more, but still. It's just precaution."

Robin nodded, repressing the shudder at the strange feeling of the room temperature tube becoming warm where it draped over his skin as his blood began to flow through it. For some reason that was something that he never quite got used to from this procedure.

Robin's gaze fell back on Raven across the room and Cyborg noticed when his focus shifted.

"She's doing fine, man," he said in a comforting tone. "But I need you to stay here, keep your distance, until she's further along with her healing. Can't take the chance that your emotions will wreak havoc with her powers. I'm sorry."

Robin looked at Cyborg once again and nodded. "I get it, Cy. I don't like it, but I don't want to hurt her. It's just . . . you're sure she's alright? She was so . . ."

"She's fine, Robin. She was . . . she was rough for a while there, but you know better than to underestimate her. She's strong, in her own way."

He looked at Robin, curiosity rising. "Did you find out who did this? Because I'd really like to meet them in person," he said, his voice growing dark and dangerous.

Robin closed his eyes, hoping to hide the rage there from his friend, but Cyborg knew him too well. He could see the tension in Robin's body when the shooter was mentioned.

"We found one of them," Robin said, lowly. "The shooter that actually shot her got away, but we caught the one she injured. He didn't make it very far."

"And? Who was he? Why did he do it?"

"It was the result of that hit that was put out on her months ago; the Syndicate's hit. Tonight I guess was just the first night that there was someone stupid enough to try to carry it out."

"I hope you made him regret it," Cyborg said, completely deadpanned.

Robin turned his face away, unsure of what emotion was going to cross it but not wanting Cyborg to see it no matter which it happened to be: whether it was the seething anger for the man partially responsible for Raven's injuries or the guilt for losing control and coming far too close to killing him . . . or the satisfaction for the same action.

"What about the other shooter? Did he give anything away about him?"

"No. Not that I can recall, anyway," he admitted, remaining turned away. Cyborg's human eye narrowed. "But he's in custody. If he knows where to find his partner then we'll find out. And we'll make sure it's known what comes down when you mess with a Titan."

Cyborg watched the back of Robin's head for a moment, trying to figure out what was going through his friend's head with the avoidant posture and the threatening words. "How out of control did he get?" he asked finally.

Robin turned back to his friend, mild confusion on his face.

"Red X," Cyborg clarified, though he didn't know why he had to. "How out of control did Red X get when you found the shooter? I don't envy you having to hold him back."

Robin's jaw set. It took him a long moment to decide what to tell his friend.

"He's the one that had to pull me back," he confessed, turning away once more not wanting to see the disappointment or shock that he expected Cyborg to show. "I don't remember ever being angry enough to not realize what I was doing before, Cyborg. It was . . . horrifying."

Cyborg rested a hand on Robin's shoulder and waited for him to turn and face him once more before he spoke.

"Hey, man, I get it. I know what it's like to feel a rage like that . . . especially when it's against someone who hurt someone you love."

Robin tried to keep his face straight, but he felt a chill run through him at Cyborg's statement.

"I always kind of suspected," Cyborg said when Robin didn't respond, "especially after Red X started messing with Raven. Your reactions were not just of a leader who was defending a teammate.

"You shouldn't dwell on your anger too much, though," he continued. "Getting it under control is, of course, important, but you're allowed to feel, Robin. You're allowed to feel."

Robin let out a sigh and thumped his head back on the cot beneath him. "The loss of control was frightening, Cyborg, but even that I think I can work my way through . . . eventually. But . . . Red X is the one that had to pull me back, to stop me, and . . . as petty as it is I think I'm more bothered that I might owe him. I know that Raven trusts him, but something is . . . off about him. I can't explain it. I just . . . I almost feel like I know him and that, for some reason, bothers me most of all."

Cyborg stood for a long moment, fiddling with the collection bag and tubing to make his silence seem like distraction with the procedure. Eventually he said, "I think you're allowed to feel all that too, man. Is it petty? Sure, I'm not gonna lie to you. But I'm not knocking down the door to start the Red X fan club, myself, you know? Whatever it is that you're gut is telling you . . . I don't know, man. Your gut usually leads us the right way. I guess the best we can do is let it play out. Raven gets to make her own choices just like the rest of us. And we'll be here for her either way. Even if it means dealing with the jerk."

He sighed and laid a hand on Robin's shoulder, a gesture of comfort and understanding. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

Robin looked up at his friend and took a pause before he nodded. "Thanks."

Cyborg nodded in response and looked back to the bags filling below the table. "I'm gonna need you to stay here, lying down, even after the transfusion. Until we know that you aren't going to pass out, anyway."

Robin looked over to where Raven lay, steadily breathing but not hovering as she usually did when her magic was at work. "There's nowhere else I want to be right now," he said softly.

Cyborg schooled his pitying look and turned, going back to check on Raven's stats and leaving Robin to sort his thoughts in private.

O • O • O • O

Jason tried.

He found himself wandering the living space, sitting on every piece of furniture only briefly before he started to grow restless, and finally heading into the kitchen. He tried to consider the possibility of making some coffee or finding something to snack on, but everything that he looked at turned his stomach. He opened and closed every cabinet and drawer, not even really consciously aware of what he was doing half the time. He tried to remind himself of Robin's condition for staying in the tower, but whether it was his recalcitrant chafe against rules, his dangerously curious nature, or just the haze of fear and uncertainty, he found himself in a hall he wasn't supposed to be in standing before a door that he wasn't supposed to open. The alarms that Robin warned of hadn't gone off, whether because they weren't on or because Robin was bluffing was up for debate.

He'd studied the layout and blueprints of the Tower and had a fairly good head for schematics. Once he realized that he had wandered and took a moment to retrace his steps he knew where his subconscious had taken him.

This should be Raven's room.

He looked at the keypad beside the door and ran a gloved hand over the numbers. He took a chance and entered in a handful of numbers, surprised when the pad turned green and the door opened.

Same as your phone passcode, Little Bird? he thought. I'm sure Cyborg would give quite the lecture on safety and diversity in passwords. He almost chuckled at the thought.

Almost.

He stepped into the room and heard the door close with a soft swoosh behind him. He looked around and his chest tightened. He'd only been in here the once, that time that he hadn't been able to help himself in his need to see her, and that time she had brought him here. Now he felt like he was sneaking into a sacred place and he wasn't sure how he felt being in here.

But looking around he saw all the things that evidenced her in this space and he felt a simultaneous pang of fear for her as well as adoration. He walked to the bookshelf and trailed a fingertip along the worn spines, reading titles aloud in his head. His finger stopped as he read a title and he pulled the book from the shelf. It was Tennyson and, opening the book to the table of contents, found that it had the same poem that he had read to her when she had awakened at the hospital. Looking back to the spot on the shelf that he had taken it he saw that the book he had left for her was there in the next spot. Nearby on the nightstand he saw a carefully dried purple calla lily and he barely contained the emotional sound that tried to escape his throat.

It sat on a small card with a red x penned on it.

How she had gotten it back from the hospital or Robin after Jason had taken her he couldn't know, but here they were. The book, the flower, the note; all bits of him that she had added to this space that was hers. He found more as he wandered. A sweatshirt she had taken from his closet on a cold day and taken with her, a toy belonging to their little grey kitten, a stack of newspaper articles about returned relics from a new yet-to-be-identified hero, and a mug that stood out like a sore thumb with its bright golden sun and the words "hello sunshine" written beneath. All reminders of him. All things that she had brought here for when she was away from him.

He sat on the edge of her bed, the book still in his hand, and found himself in the grips of the urge to cry. He hated it. But his mind couldn't help but follow the trail of thoughts that he'd been avoiding since the last time they'd fought, but that had come flooding back when they heard who had been responsible for almost killing Raven tonight.

This was all his fault.

If it hadn't been for him she never would have had a hit put out on her at all. He hadn't found a lead strong enough or found leverage great enough to get rid of the hit once it had been put out. He'd become complacent in assuming that no one was stupid enough to take up the hit on a Titan. And tonight he had let her go off, alone, into a trap that had been laid out specifically for her. He had become careless and too content in this stolen happiness that he'd found for himself, despite the danger that it brought to the one who was responsible for it. He was losing count of how many times being with him had hurt her, let alone almost gotten her killed. She was no damsel in distress, yet she had gotten hurt so many times since their first encounter in that warehouse all those months ago. He was the common factor in all of it.

He hated himself.

That feeling was nothing new to him, but he found that this time it affected him more than any other realization of self loathing. Maybe it was because anytime that he had felt like this recently had been countered by Raven. She had been good at keeping his tendency of self deprecation at bay, at telling him what she sees in him and reminding him of his worth.

But she wasn't here now and nothing was stopping him from telling himself that he is the reason why.

He took a seat on her bed, clutching the book to his chest as his thoughts spiraled. It was a familiar trip. He remembered his failures, remembered the terrible things he had done, and how everyone important in his life always ended up disappointed or outright hating him. He found himself curling up on the bed, the scent of her on her pillow making the dark headspace simultaneously better and worse. He didn't cry. He wouldn't let himself cry, not for himself, but his anger seethed for Raven and the injustice of what had happened to her.

He didn't remember falling asleep, but the sudden shaking of his shoulder dragged him from the depths of a dream that he was pretty sure he didn't want to remember. He jolted away from the hand and sat up quickly, instinctively making sure his mask was in place, and facing the one who had awakened him.

Robin's face seemed displeased at finding him here, but it lacked that fire of when they fought and it seemed unlikely that Jason was going to be ejected from the tower. His posture shifted from defensive as he shook his head to clear the last vestige of sleep from his eyes.

"I told you to stick to the common areas," Robin said lowly. His voice carried the weight of authority and disappointment and it only increased the dark feelings already roiling in Jason.

"I didn't exactly mean to be here, kid," he said, the synthesizer masking the weariness in his voice. "I just . . . ended up here. And everything here is hers and . . ." he gestured around them and sighed before giving up trying to explain.

Robin's jaw clenched as he stared down Red X, hating that the mask was preventing him from reading him like he could most people. It was a few long, drawn out seconds before he spoke again.

"She's healed, all of her scans show up perfectly normal for her but . . . she won't wake. Cyborg took her off all the meds and removed the I.V.s but she wouldn't rouse. I tried to use the bond that we have to try to reach her and pull her back to consciousness but . . . "

He turned away, eyes drawn to the little jar of tea that he had given her sitting on the nightstand by her bed. His thoughts returned to a few minutes ago when he stood by Raven's med bay bed, removing his gloves and stroking her face and reaching out to her consciousness but finding nothing but the background buzz of her mind in whatever dream she was having. He remembered the chill that ran down his spine when he couldn't connect to her, couldn't find her as usual.

He sighed and turned back to Red X. "I don't like you. I think that's rather obvious. I don't trust you and I wish you had never entered our lives. But . . . something about you fits with her. I can't deny that. Something about your presence soothes her powers, calms her soul. As much as I hate saying this to you right now, you might have a better chance to wake her. Your presence might be what she needs to wake."

He said the words in such a clipped tone, the pain of having to say them obvious. Red X looked up at him, filing Robin's derision in his mind to add to the shame spiral.

"I think our opinions of me aren't so different right now, kid," he said, softly. "I think I might very well be the last thing she needs."

Robin's eyes narrowed and he surveyed the thief, but was no closer to determining if he really meant what he was saying, or what frame of mind he was in.

"Then it's too bad for both of us that she might still need you. That she wants you. But here we are."

Robin turned on his heels and walked back to the door. He looked over his shoulder and said, "Are you coming?"

Red X sat unmoving for a moment, just watching Robin, before he heaved a sigh and rose to his feet. He let Robin lead the way without another word.