Chapter Twelve
"Wheeler, may I speak to you for a moment please?" Linka's eyes flitted around the kitchen where they'd been having breakfast before Gaia called her to the crystal chamber, assuring herself that Nat was still eating and that Gi and Kwame were there to keep an eye on her, though she didn't expect the conversation to take long.
"Sure Babe," he replied curiously, and noting that she was still standing outside the door got up to follow her. He figured they wouldn't be going far if their friends needed to leave to finish preparing for their conference, and he was right, Linka stopped just far enough away that their voices wouldn't carry. "Is something wrong?"
The Russian shook her head, "Not really... I need to ask a favour of you... I hate doing this but Gaia says the conference is going to be discussing the issue of protecting birds' flight paths when setting up wind turbines, and she wants me to attend because I am the best placed to discuss the issues with the environmental groups. I reminded her that she agreed I would not be taking part in any missions until her child minder joins us, especially overnight, but she is insisting that I need to go."
Wheeler nodded for her to continue, he was pretty sure he knew what she wanted to ask but he, perhaps irrationally, wanted to hear her say it for once.
She hesitated for longer than he thought necessary and when she spoke it was like she was forcing the words out. "I… would you mind looking after Natalya? I know with Ma-Ti away with Laura it leaves you with the whole responsibility and I feel guilty asking you." She added hastily, "But it is only for one night, we should be back before dark tomorrow."
"... Sure. No problem." Wheeler bit back his first response but some of his annoyance must have shown on his face because Linka paled.
"If it is not convenient I can tell Gaia that..."
"Damn it Linka! Don't you know by now that I don't mind?" He raised his voice more than he'd intended and dropped it again immediately, "I like spending time with Nat, it's all this I can't stand."
Not sure whether to be angry or upset, Linka asked, "All what?"
"Asking me like it's some huge favour that you wouldn't dream of asking me if there was any possible way to avoid it." He replied irritably, "When we first got back, I thought I'd done something to make you not trust me all of a sudden, but then Kwame pointed out that you're fine with me spending time with her, so long as it's my idea."
Linka blushed at being caught out and lowered her eyes.
"Are you afraid I'll try to collect on the favour or what?"
Her eyes flew up to his again, "Nyet of course not! I just do not want you to feel obligated..."
"I don't!" he exclaimed, exasperated that nothing he had said over the last weeks seemed to have got through to her, "Seriously Linka, next time just say, 'I need you to look after her today Yankee'. Done. No problem."
Linka sounded unhappy but she was still adamant. "I do not want to take advantage of you."
"Something I've been painfully aware of for a long time." he replied ironically
"I did not mean it like that!"
He sighed, resigning himself to the status quo. "I know Babe, don't worry about it… you'd better get goin' if you're going to be ready when the others want to leave."
Linka nodded but didn't move, clearly torn between accepting his words and wanting… what? She certainly didn't look happy with the way the conversation had gone, so he took a chance. "Maybe we could talk when you get back? I don't know… clear the air, set some expectations or boundaries or whatever?"
She still didn't believe that they could find a way to make things work without it all going horribly wrong, but she could no longer ignore the fact that her attempts to protect Wheeler were hurting him and probably Nat too. It was her own feelings that made her distrustful though. Her heart ached to be close to him and it would be so easy to get caught up in that, and pledge herself beyond her ability to commit. Still, they had to find a compromise, and maybe this way she wouldn't lose him entirely. "Da… I think I would like that."
Wheeler's whole demeanour changed and his mouth curled into a smile that lit his eyes, and it was impossible for Linka not to respond in kind. He held out a hand to her, "Now we just have to convince Nat that she can do without you for a night."
"She will be fine if she has you." She let him lead her towards the kitchen but gently retrieved her hand as they entered so that the others wouldn't get the wrong idea.
If Nat was a little harder to reconcile to the idea than Linka had given her credit for, she did at last concede that she'd be ok with Wheeler and after a lot of hugs and a few tears, she went with her to help her pack.
Gi followed them out to begin her own preparations but Kwame hung back, "Do not take this the wrong way but…"
Wheeler laughed, "… but I'm going to say something offensive anyway… go ahead."
His friend frowned, "I do not mean to offend you, but you have taken on a lot of responsibility here, are you sure you are ready? It strikes me that you could come to the conference with us and take care of Nat there."
Wheeler nodded, not bothered by the older man's suggestion, "If we did that Nat would play up constantly to get Linka's attention, and she'd expect it every time one of us went away. And in case you've forgotten I occasionally go and look after my cousin Joey - who is much more trouble than Nat by the way - so yeah, I'm sure I'm ready for the responsibility. Any more questions?"
He grinned as Kwame held his hands up in surrender and began to clean up the kitchen while the African followed in the wake of the girls to get ready for the day ahead.
Wheeler stood waving with Natalya long after the Geo-cruiser was out of sight, until she finally lowered her arm and turned to cuddle into him.
"It's only one night, we'll see her tomorrow Angel." He promised.
She nodded into his chest but remained where she was, his t-shirt bunched tightly in her two little hands as if she thought he would also leave if she let go.
He gave her time to adjust but finally suggested that they go down and sit on the beach. She let go and took his hand, but shook her head in reply and pulled him in the direction of the playground he'd built for her instead.
After pushing her on the swing for a while, Wheeler left her to her own momentum and went to sit on the bottom of the slide, laying back to watch her with his arms folded behind his head.
Inevitably, his mind strayed to Linka and the conversation ahead of them. It had seemed like a great idea when she'd agreed to it, but sitting in the peace of the glade he couldn't help but wonder how that conversation would go.
If she doesn't know she can trust me by now… but she's dealt with so much loss; her parents, her cousins, even Nat in a way. Betrayal too, I guess. Should I really be surprised she doesn't want to let someone get close? He contemplated her daughter. And now it's started again with Nat… can we help her get past this or will she have trouble trusting people too? …am I even the right person to help them? I'm not exactly the poster-boy for a stable upbringing, what do I know about raising kids? Maybe Kwame was right after all.
He sighed and tried to force his doubts aside, reminding himself for the hundredth time of the things her family had said to him during their recent stay:
..."It is obvious that she loves having you here."
......"Linka has always been independent but she respects your opinion."
........."She feels things very deeply, but she does not like people to know."
............"Do not give up on her."
Despite Wheeler's self doubt, his feelings for Linka and the little girl he'd started to think of as a daughter wouldn't let him give up. I have to find a way to convince her to let me help…
Nat soon reclaimed his attention, and other than quietly insisting that she do the maths exercises that Linka had left for her after lunch, they had fun for the rest of the day.
Nat opened the door of Linka's cabin and ran to scramble into her bed before Wheeler entered.
Linka had told him that Nat didn't have any problems getting herself ready for bed since her cast had come off so he hadn't offered to help, just told her to open the door when she was ready for her bedtime story.
"Did you wash behind your ears?" he teased, placing his open laptop on Linka's desk and picking up the book he'd been reading to them. He grinned at the unimpressed look she gave him, "You look just like Linka when you do that."
She rolled her eyes but looked more pleased than otherwise.
Wheeler sat on the side of the bed and started to read. Normally she would snuggle down into the bed and give her full attention to the story he was telling, but tonight her eyes kept drifting to the laptop. After continuing for another page he stopped and said, "It's a bit early. Don't worry, she'll call soon."
Nat looked back immediately, her cheeks warming slightly as she nodded.
He resumed the tale but it wasn't long before she was staring at the laptop again, willing her relative to appear on the screen. The American sighed and gave in, "It's going to be lunch time where Linka is, she might not be able to answer yet… but we can try calling her if you want?"
Nat nodded again but this time she was smiling, so he got up and brought the laptop over to place it on her lap. "Go ahead."
Pressing the call button, the young girl waited nervously to see if it would be answered, but she didn't have to wait long.
"Natalya!" Linka exclaimed happily, "I did not think you would be ready for bed yet, are you being good for Wheeler?" She received an enthusiastic nod. "Have you had fun?" again an affirmative. "That is good… I hope you also did your school work?"
This time the nod came with an eye roll and it made Wheeler laugh. Hearing his voice, Linka raised her own slightly, "Did she really Yankee?"
"Yeah, we're all good." She could hear the smile in his voice, "How's the conference, Babe?"
"It has been very productive I think, a good exchange of information… although I do not think we have actually managed to agree on very much yet." She gave a soft chuckle, "You do not really want to hear about that."
Wheeler moved to kneel beside the bed next to Nat so that he could see the screen and Linka could see him. "We do, don't we Angel." Nat gave an unconvincing shrug, making the two adults chuckle. "Ok, but we want to hear Linka talk to us, right?" this time they got a cheerful nodding of her head.
Linka was smiling, "I am already missing you so much, both of you."
Nat reached out and touched the screen and knowing that wouldn't show on the camera Wheeler said, "We're missing you too."
Nat nodded her agreement again.
"Have you had your bedtime story yet, maybe I could listen in?" Linka suggested.
Nat indicated her agreement and shifted over closer to the wall, indicating that Wheeler should sit beside her.
"I don't know…" Wheeler teased, reaching out for the book and re-positioning himself so that Nat could snuggle under his arm. "I'm not going to be performing Live to the conference, am I?"
"Of course not." Linka said with a straight face, "I will record it and play it to them later."
Wheeler laughed and Nat chuckled silently against him. "Very funny Babe, you're hilarious."
"Get on with it, Yankee." She replied affectionately. She didn't tape it, but she did take a screenshot of the two of them together to print out later. Nat was looking the picture of contentment while Wheeler's attention was on the book he was reading, clearly happy as he acted out the characters for her amusement.
They continued until Linka was called for her next talk, "Goodnight Natalya, sweet dreams. I will see you tomorrow. Goodnight Jason."
"Night Babe, we'll see you soon." Wheeler replied, letting Linka shut the camera off before he did the same.
Nat had waved cheerfully but once the laptop was put back on the desk she stared sadly down at her linked hands as they rested in her lap.
"Time to settle down for the night, huh?" Nat's eyes flew up to his and she shook her head vehemently. "Come on, it's late. The sooner you sleep, the sooner Linka will be home you know."
Again she shook her head, refusing to lay down though she was obviously tired… she also looked a little scared which he didn't understand. "What's wrong Honey?"
Nat reached out for him and he took her hand, sitting facing her on the side of the bed. "There's nothing to be afraid of, and I'm going to be just over the way so…" another round of head shaking. "Nat, you'll be fine, there's nothing here that could harm you."
She teared up and he sighed and gave in. "Okay, fine. If you lay down and let yourself sleep now, I'll sleep on Linka's bed." She looked a little distrustful and didn't move, still clinging to his hand, so he added, "I'll stay, I promise."
Relaxing a little, she laid down and let him tuck the covers up around her. Her eyes stayed open however, tracking him around the room as he turned the main light off, leaving only her night light, and then stretching out on top of Linka's bed, not bothering with any covers. "Sleep well Angel."
He looked over at her and she gave him a small smile and closed her eyes. He looked up at the ceiling, it was still a bit early for him and he'd planned to read in his cabin for a while, but he closed his eyes taking his own advice.
"Am I in the way?" a small voice asked.
Wheeler's eyes flew open and he turned his head to stare in wonder at his charge, "Did you just…?"
"Am I in the way?" Nat whispered.
The American sat up, "No Honey, of course you aren't."
"Linka does not like me bothering you." She said sadly. "I am trouble to her."
"Nooo, Nat, No. Linka… she's just really independent and hates asking me for help. But she loves you." He knelt down beside her bed and took the hand she extended to him. "And so do I by the way. You could never be in the way."
Nat smiled, "I love you too."
She said it so easily and it hit him in the heart so that he couldn't speak for a moment or too.
"I know Linka loves me, I love her, but that does not mean she wants to take care of me." She was obviously trying to keep her voice steady. "She had to."
"No… no, no, no… oh Nat you have no idea." He got up and sat on the bed again, pulling her into his arms as she sat up. "You're everything to Linka, there's nothing she wants more than to have you with her. I swear. Linka… doesn't like to show her feelings, but she doesn't mean to hide them from you."
Nat was quiet for a few moments and then she said, "Ok."
"Linka is going to be so excited when she hears you speak you know, she's been worried about you."
She remained silent and after a while he said, "You will talk to Linka after tonight right? …I don't want to keep a secret from her, but if you won't talk to her she'll be hurt, you know?"
"Da… ok." She yawned and fell asleep against him, as if a switch had been flipped and he chuckled slightly.
Wheeler stayed where he was until her breathing deepened, and then tucked her back under the covers and returned to Linka's bed. As he lay there waiting for sleep to claim him, he couldn't help wonder if Linka would be happy that her daughter had had a breakthrough while she was with him, or whether she would be annoyed that she hadn't chosen to speak to her.
He was still wondering when he fell asleep.
To be continued…