AN: Hi everyone. My apologies for the delayed update. I was aiming to update two weeks ago, before I left on a week-long overseas business trip, but I was not able to finish the chapter in time. As became excrutiatingly obvious from the comments last chapter, I knew this one needed to be handled delicately. On that note….
Wow, I really opened Pandora's Box. I accept that we all like different characters and pairings. However, there were some accusations lobbed at my own character that I cannot let pass without rebuttal:
1. I am not catering to one type of reader over another (nor did I lose a bet or something). In a story like this, I was never going to be able to please everyone. Just know that I HAVE been thinking up possible endings to this story for well over a year and a half. I have a document of nearly 37,000 words I have SCRAPPED from this story because I tried certain plotlines at times and then realized they did not work or fit well. Ultimately, the route I chose is the one that seemed to jive most with the characters and their growth arc at this point in the story. Is it perfect? No—because the characters aren't perfect, nor am I as a writer. (Though flattered, I'm sorry if you felt otherwise.) I've vacillated between endings all these months, yes, and because of the serial nature of the story, perhaps that showed sometimes, and I apologize if it was deceiving (though I did not intend it to be). But this leads me to me next point.
2. I have been accused of no longer caring about this story. Do I want it to be finished? Of course! How do you feel when the end is in sight on a project you've been working on for a long time? You want it to be done. But trust me, if I did not care about this story, I would not have invested 230,000+ words into it. I would have stopped updating LOOOONG ago (or made this the five-chapter short story with no context it was originally supposed to be) so I could finally focus on writing original works that might actually make me some money. I spend a significant amount of my free time writing and revising these chapters so that I can give you what I feel is a quality product—again, for FREE. If I had stopped caring, I would have posted the last chapter "on time," first-draft word vomit that it was, and it would have been far worse than what some of you felt it was.
3. I understand that many of you have preferences between Inukimi and Izayoi. That's fine, and I respect that. Many of you have opinions on what those women SHOULD have done and who they should/shouldn't be with. You may not agree with the direction I took, but I will offer this statement in my defense: in all of the Inuyasha fanfiction I have written, even in the AUs, I have tried to stay as close to the source material as possible. The fact is, Inukimi never remarried in the OG, and she appeared to recall Touga fondly. To me, that has always demonstrated a profound sense of loyalty/love/whatever you want to call it. And we know little about Izayoi's feelings for Touga other than that she calls him her "dearest." Just something to keep in mind.
TLDR: Just know that this is a story I wrote because I wanted to try something different and challenge myself with difficult topics. I understand it's not for everyone—but it works for me. And just because I decided to write a different relationship from my normal one doesn't mean I hate the Inuyasha fandom. Quite the contrary. It's a testament to my love for the series that I'm even still writing after all these years.
Also, I would like to thank my AO3 readers who had a civil discussion surrounding the last chapter. Your maturity was a breath of fresh air, and I was flattered that something I wrote was able to prompt such deep debate.
Anyway, I know many of you are anxious to see Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha's reactions to this, so I'll stop editorializing and let you read.
Chapter 31: Paradigm Shift
They decided to act as they had been for the last several months when they returned to Tokyo so as not to alert the others before they told them. Touga sent out a text to everyone that he wanted to have a casual family dinner the following night.
When the whole family gathered, Touga sat at one end of the table, Inukimi and Izayoi flanking him. Inuyasha sat next to his mother with Kagome on his other side. When Sesshoumaru and Rin came in with the twins, the demon froze, staring at the head of the table, his gaze flicking back and forth between Touga, Inukimi, and the empty chair at the other head of the table where his mother usually sat. Two highchairs bookended the empty seat next to Inukimi.
"Please, sit, son," Touga said, gesturing to the opposite end of the table.
But Sesshoumaru didn't move. "That is Mother's spot."
Children have the strangest fixations. "Tonight, she is electing to sit here," Touga answered, gesturing to his left.
Sesshoumaru finally moved, setting Setsuna in the high chair next to him, while Rin situated Towa next to her and sat down beside Inukimi.
Inuyasha watched the proceedings with ever-widening eyes, as if it had just dawned on him that Inukimi wasn't in her normal spot. Granted, Touga had not raised Inuyasha in a noble court, where even table settings were a game that could reveal one's intentions. But of course Sesshoumaru had caught on immediately.
His eldest kept glancing back at his side of the table with wariness as he fastened a bib around Setsuna and popped open a jar of mashed peas. The servants then came in and served the meal. Once they were finished, Touga waved them away. Though the house was soundproofed, the doors were not, and he had no doubt that rumors would spread across the estate by morning. But he would address the staff later.
Tonight, he had to address his family.
"So…what's going on, Dad?" Inuyasha asked, piling a bunch of food on his plate and then handing it to Kagome.
"I can't just have all of my family together for a meal?" Touga asked, though he made no move to get any food for himself. He had a feeling he wasn't going to have much opportunity to eat anyway. Besides, his stomach was in knots. Why was he so nervous about talking to his kids about this? He noticed Inukimi's plate remained empty too; she appeared to be content with her wine glass. Not that that was unusual. Izayoi, on the other hand, was partaking but only managing small bites of food. "Does it need to be a special occasion?"
The look Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha exchanged said, "yes."
Odd that this is the one thing they can agree upon.
Once again, he felt like a failure of a father. But he was going to change that. He had to.
Assuming they didn't think he was crazy after this.
"Well, in that case, I can say that I'm thinking of building a new house on the property," he began.
"Why?" Sesshoumaru asked as he fed Setsuna some peas.
"Well, both you and Inuyasha have families now, and we think you could use the extra space," Touga answered.
"We?" Sesshoumaru frowned. "You make it sound like Mother would be moving in with you and Izayoi," Sesshoumaru replied.
"And what if I did?" Inukimi answered.
Everyone at the table collectively paused with various utensils raised. Setsuna pouted and grabbed the spoon her father held just out of reach, pulling it towards her mouth.
"Why?" Sesshoumaru pressed, uncertainty drawing out the single syllable.
Touga took a deep breath and propped his elbows on the table, resting his mouth against his folded hands for a moment to center himself. Finally, he confessed, "The truth is, your mother and I never got a formal divorce. Technically, we've only been separated."
Inuyasha sputtered, spewing bits of food all over the tablecloth—and some back into the serving ware itself, Touga was sure. "Wait, what?"
"Oh my God!" Kagome cried out. "Touga, are you saying you're a polygamist?"
Rin dropped the baby spoon, and it clattered all over the tray, flecking Towa with carrots. The baby girl blinked and stared at the fallen utensil, then looked up at her mother as if you say, That was your fault this time, not mine. Then she proceeded to dip her fingers into the mess and smush it into her mouth.
Heat seared Touga's pointed ears and cheeks. He was thankful his skin was dark enough to hide it. "Well, it was actually quite acceptable at the time," he muttered.
"Wait, so are you and Mom actually married or not? Am I really a freakin' love child?" Inuyasha demanded.
"No, son. Your mother and I were married officially by human customs…just as Inukimi and I remain married by demon custom."
"But I don't get it. You always told us you were divorced. Why would you lie about that? Were you still seeing her on the side or something?" Inuyasha asked, his voice getting more and more clipped.
"Don't be an idiot, Inuyasha," Sesshoumaru snapped. "Their scents have been their own for as long as you've been alive." But as he said the words, a furrow formed between Sesshoumaru's brows. Then he looked up at Touga with a questioning stare. "Why are you telling us this now, Father? What has changed?"
"What hasn't changed, son? Think about where all of us were a year ago—and where we are now. Our family is changing and evolving. And in the spirit of keeping this family tight-knit…." He reached out and gripped the hands of both his wives, squeezing them. The children's eyes all zeroed in on those actions. "We've decided to try our hand at an open relationship with the three of us…together."
Inuyasha had been in the middle of mindlessly eating another piece of steak, and he choked. Towa's spoon clattered to the tray again, and she picked it up before Rin could, banging it around and sending carrots everywhere. Sesshoumaru had been in the middle of giving a spoonful of peas to Setsuna, but he froze in such shock that he didn't remove the spoon. As Setsuna tried to eat around it, a large glop of peas squeezed out of the corner of her mouth and dripped onto her chin and bib.
Only Kagome had any semblance of a smile on her face, but it was just the corners of her open mouth tipping back in a look like she had just received the most salacious piece of gossip on the line and was reveling in it. "Are you saying you're going to be a throuple?" she squeaked—in excitement or scandalization, he couldn't tell.
"A…throuple?" Izayoi asked, finally speaking up.
"Basically a threesome where you're all in the relationship with one another," Kagome explained, seeming far too entranced by this idea.
Inukimi's nose curled. "If you are implying that Izayoi and I are romantically attracted to each other, let me disabuse you of any such notions right there." Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha seemed to relax a little upon hearing those words. "Contrary to your modern, liberal sensibilities, this is relationship fashioned from ancient structures. Izayoi and I each have a place as Touga's wife. Unlike back then, there will be no terms such as first wife or concubine or mistress. The relationship is such that Touga will divide his time equally between us and that we will allow it—or at least, that is the intention. We shall see how it works out."
"It's something of a trial-run for the year," Izayoi added.
Inuyasha set down his utensils and clutched his head, shaking it. "I must've lost it. I don't even know what I'm hearing anymore."
"Inuyasha—" Touga began.
"I mean, what the actual fuck, Dad? You're mated to Mom, aren't you? Did the mating bond suddenly stop working or something? Why are you just now deciding you want to go back to her?" Inuyasha yelled, throwing out an arm in Inukimi's direction.
His sudden outburst pierced Touga's ears, and then the twins started crying.
"Mind your manners, whelp," Inukimi growled.
"Honey, it's okay," Rin murmured, wiping Towa's face and kissing her head while Sesshoumaru pulled his fur up to wrap around Setsuna so she could distract herself with it. This meant, of course, that she smeared green mush all over his pristine white fur.
"Inuyasha," Touga said in a deep voice of warning. "I understand you're confused and perhaps a little upset—"
"A little upset? A little upset?" Inuyasha snapped, standing up so quickly, his chair toppled backwards. "You always told me that a mating bond made you devoted to one person forever. Or were you lying about that too?"
"It's not a lie, but even I didn't understand what changes might result from, well…half a bond, to put it simply."
"Well then hell, what does that say about me and Sesshoumaru?"
Sesshoumaru looked over from soothing Setsuna then, as if to grudgingly admit his brother had a point.
Touga pulled his hands away from Inukimi and Izayoi and ran them over his face. "Boys, our situations aren't the same. I had a full, centuries-long relationship with Inukimi before I met Izayoi. I had even made attempts to mate her. Bonds like that don't just…erase over time. Neither of you were married before your mating. You'll be fine."
"I can't believe I'm listening to this shit," Inuyasha hissed, storming out of the room.
"Inuyasha, wait," Kagome said, struggling to stand with her seven-month-pregnant girth.
"Kagome, please sit and eat," Touga said, getting to his feet. "Think of Moroha. I need to go talk to him." When he glanced up, he found his eldest son's eyes burning holes into his head. His heart panged. Just when I thought we were getting on better terms. "You should come along too, Sesshoumaru."
Touga left the room then, following Inuyasha's scent outside. He could still see his youngest speeding into the copse of trees surrounding the estate, so he ran to catch up with him.
"Inuyasha, will you at least hear me out?" Touga asked when he reached him.
"What more is there to hear?" he snapped. "That you're doing the same thing to my mother that you did to Inukimi? I thought you had more honor than that."
"Izayoi agreed to this—"
"Why? Why the hell would she agree to this when she's your mate? That's a bond that deserves complete loyalty. And for as long as I can remember, you told me you and Inukimi were divorced. You acted like you were devoted. So why say that if it wasn't true?"
"I believe I always used the term 'separated—'"
"Don't give me that. You knew exactly what you were implying. Did Mom even know?" When Touga didn't answer, Inuyasha cursed.
Touga could feel Sesshoumaru approaching them from behind. He sighed. "It's not that I didn't ask Inukimi for a divorce. She just…never agreed to it."
"So you pretended as if you had gotten one regardless and just left," Sesshoumaru announced, coming up next to them. The frosty look his son leveled at him was colder than Touga had seen in a long time.
Not since those early years in his marriage to Izayoi.
"She would not permit Izayoi to live in the palace," Touga answered, feeling defensive.
"For good reason," Sesshoumaru replied.
"Excuse me?" Inuyasha sniped.
Sesshoumaru turned his glare on him. "A human woman usurping the Lady of the West's position in a demon court? Mother would have become the object of constant ridicule. She suffered enough of that as it was." Touga's eyes widened. He hadn't heard anything about that. Sesshoumaru continued, "The very empire might have crumbled. Regardless, it was never the same when you left," he added, facing his father once more.
"Look, I don't care what happened in the past," Inuyasha said. "I care about what's happening now. And I'm confused as hell about why the three of you suddenly decided to shack up together when Mom and Inukimi basically hate each other."
"They don't hate each other—" Touga began.
"They hate each other," Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru answered.
"And who do you think it to blame for that?" Sesshoumaru added, glaring at Touga.
Touga bristled. "Well believe it or not, Sesshoumaru, it was your mother who suggested this relationship."
Sesshoumaru's eyes widened. "Impossible."
"And Mom just agreed to that? I don't buy it," Inuyasha said.
"Well…Izayoi might have been the one to originally suggest it, but that was seven hundred years ago…."
"So what changed? That's what I still don't get," Inuyasha said. "Are you going through a mid-life crisis or something?"
Touga rolled his eyes. "You know those don't apply to demons."
"Well, I don't know what else explains it then. Unless…." Inuyasha balked. "I mean, I've heard of longtime couples who try to spice up their bedroom life by bringing in a third person, but I never would have thought Mom—"
"That's not it either," Touga retorted, although admittedly, he was looking forward to a time when he could enjoy both his wives at once. But he knew it was too soon to ask for that much.
"Does this have something to do with the night of Inuyasha's wedding?" Sesshoumaru asked.
"What about my wedding?" Inuyasha replied.
Touga kept his face very neutral, because it had everything to do with that night. "Why would you think that, Sesshoumaru?"
"Because as much as I tried to deny it…I know what I smelled."
Shit. Touga had purposely taken the back door out of the house so as not to alert Sesshoumaru to what they had done. Had he really known all this time?
"What did you smell? Will somebody please tell me what the fuck's going on?" Inuyasha griped.
"Go on, Father. Tell him. I'm curious to understand it myself, because before you entered Mother's bedroom, you were about to tear out each other's throats. And then you fled and she…." He paused. "She was…not herself."
No, she had not been. Inukimi had been in tears when Touga left. He would never forget the look of devastation on her face after he rebuffed her that night. Some might call that karma for the way she rejected him earlier in life, and yet…her pain had been so visceral that it felt a hundred times worse than he remembered his own disappointment feeling.
If nothing else proved he still loved her, it was that he couldn't bear to see her make that face anymore—especially because of him.
He still couldn't believe he had subjected his son to witnessing his mother in such pain. But of course he would never admit the extent of it—not in front of Inuyasha, who had never been fond of Inukimi in the first place, if only because of her attitude towards him.
Touga didn't know what to say. On the one hand, if he lied, Sesshoumaru would catch him on it. On the other, Inuyasha still knew nothing about that night, and he wanted to keep it that way. The boy already had it out for him and Inukimi.
"Your mother is better at expressing her feelings through…actions rather than words. It's not the first time we've argued…physically."
Sesshoumaru glowered, and Inuyasha looked back and forth between the two of them as they stared off. "I mean, that makes sense since you're demons and all, but I'm obviously still missing something here if Sesshoumaru's looking like that," Inuyasha muttered.
Sesshoumaru opened his mouth. Touga sent him a warning glare.
But neither of his sons ever listened to him all of the time—especially Sesshoumaru.
"Father came out of Mother's room smelling of sex, Inuyasha."
"Holy shit, what?!" Inuyasha roared, snapping his head towards Touga. "So 'arguing physically' was just code for angry sex? Why? How? You're fuckin' mated! That should be impossible."
Touga flushed. He couldn't stand seeing his sons stare at him as if he were filth. "I thought so too, Inuyasha, but…let's just say Inukimi showed me I had never stopped loving her the way I used to. The feelings had just been…locked away all these years."
Inuyasha peered at him. "What, so is that code for she seduced you?"
Touga opened his mouth to reply and then shut it. Technically she had…but he had also done nothing to stop her when he could have.
"We were…both at fault. You know how heightened emotions blur our demonic instincts. We…fell back into an old pattern." Seeing the near disgusted look on Inuyasha's face, Touga couldn't help the irritation that boiled over in his heart. "I thought you of all people might understand, Inuyasha, loving Kikyou as you did."
"Well yeah, but it's not like I was two-timing on Kagome with her! She was ancient history by the time she came back into my life! And she didn't set out to fuck me—she was trying to frickin' jail me!"
"Yes, well, Inukimi is an ancient part of my history, and the fact of the matter is, if she had just agreed to mate me when I first asked her, I probably would never have met Izayoi in the first place, and you wouldn't be here!" Touga shouted.
Too late, he realized what he had said, and the shocked look on his son's face confirmed his worst fears. He hastened to explain, reaching for his son's shoulders. Inuyasha stiffened in his grip. "Inuyasha, I don't mean to say that I regret having you or Izayoi in my life. Not at all. I'm just trying to make you understand that…I don't regret having Inukimi in my life either, and I want her back in it the way we used to be. But better."
Inuyasha's features tightened before he shrugged off Touga's grip. "Whatever. You guys do what you want. You already are. Just don't go gettin' it on all together under the same roof where I'm living." He spun around started walking away when he paused and added, "But I'm going to have to rethink how much you get to see Moroha when she's born. I wouldn't want her to grow up getting the wrong idea about loyalty." Then he stormed off.
"Inuyasha, wait!" Touga called out, starting forward, but Sesshoumaru grabbed his outstretched arm.
"Let him be, Father. You know he needs time to settle his thoughts."
Touga lowered his arm. "Are you disappointed in me as well? Although I suppose your estimation of me couldn't get much lower."
Sesshoumaru frowned. "You presume much about me, Father."
Touga sighed. "You're right. That's not fair."
Sesshoumaru was silent for a moment before admitting, "I don't know what to think."
Well, that was better than hating him outright—or denying him time with his grandchildren. "And why is that, son?"
The furrow between Sesshoumaru's brows deepened as he stared at the ground, puzzling how to speak his thoughts. Finally, he said, "I came to terms with yours and Mother's separation a long time ago. Whether or not you reconcile is your own affair. However…I know the way Mother feels for you. If she indeed proposed this…relationship, as you claim, then I know she is taking it seriously." He then looked up at met Touga's gaze head on. "But I fear that you won't. Because twice now, you have failed to stay faithful to the wife to whom you swore your eternal loyalty. And that is what I cannot forgive. Frankly, I am surprised either of them has."
Touga sighed, feeling a weight descend on him with Sesshoumaru's words—for he had no grounds on which to refute them.
"You're right, Sesshoumaru: Though I never intended to, I hurt your mother, and now I've hurt Izayoi. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to make sure they are both happy. But much as I might try to be otherwise, I'm not perfect—nor is this situation. So this solution seemed to be the best for all parties involved.
"Despite what your brother seems to believe, I do still love Izayoi, and she is my mate. Nothing can change that. I could no sooner leave her than she could leave me. But when she advocated for my divorce to Inukimi, I was…surprised to discover how wrong that felt to me."
Sesshoumaru's brow creased. "And yet you were content to leave her on her own for over five centuries. And you said yourself that you asked mother for a divorce long ago that she would not grant."
"It is as you say. But Sesshoumaru, you must understand: I was hurt back then. It does not excuse the pain I inflicted upon your mother in return, but I had felt so rebuffed for decades that I thought it would ease my pain to formally break off our relationship. Otherwise, I felt that she would still have some pull over me for the rest of my life. Which, as it turns out…she did."
"So now you reap the benefits of their suffering."
Touga frowned. "How do you mean?"
Sesshoumaru scoffed. "I did not think you would be such a hypocrite as to not realize. Not seven months ago, you told me that my intentions to give Rin a better life by keeping her out of mine—to make her happy—were shortsighted and selfish. You insisted I apologize and make up for my actions.
"Mother and Izayoi each devoted themselves solely to you. You broke their trust. Now you come out of this affair without having to make a choice. They are submitting themselves to you, and you retain both your wives. But what have you done to earn that submission? Have you atoned? They are giving up pieces of their pride, but have you given up anything for them?"
Touga sighed. "If you can believe nothing else, believe me when I say this, Sesshoumaru: I'm not happy with the person this process of reconciliation has revealed me to be. It's true that I've been incredibly selfish. You're right in that I must find a way to make it up to them. To that end, it seems I must instead become entirely selfless. I'm just…not sure how to do that."
Sesshoumaru considered him. Then he closed his eyes and said, "From experience, I would say that letting her—them—set the pace for the relationship helps."
Touga smiled ruefully. To think my eldest son—the one who wanted nothing to do with our sex talk—would one day be giving me relationship advice. "That's good advice. I'll keep it in mind, Sesshoumaru."
"The rest, you'll have to figure out on your own," his son replied before turning around and heading back to his—or was it now Izayoi's? Inuyasha's?—house.
Strange how that building had been Touga's home for so many years, and yet…he felt almost unwelcome there after tonight. Granted, after Izayoi had kicked him out seven months ago, he hadn't ever gone back to fully settling in. And staying with Inukimi wouldn't be right—nor did he think Sesshoumaru would allow it after their talk here. He glanced in the direction of the pool house, the only other decently equipped building on the estate at the moment.
Become selfless.
Perhaps Inukimi was right. Perhaps he needed a place of his own—if only to reflect on the loneliness he had put her—and lately, Izayoi—through.
It seemed he would be taking himself out to the doghouse.
It was the first time Inukimi had seen Sesshoumaru dump one of his crying children into his wife's arms and bolt like a dad on his way to guy's night. He must be extremely perturbed.
Not that she could blame him. Then again, maybe he could sympathize better with her reaction to his mating last spring, now that he knew what it felt like to have a family member do something so completely out of character that you didn't know how to react.
As Rin juggled two crying babies, Inukimi reached over and plucked Towa out of her arm. With a quick rub of her fur over the child, Towa quieted down.
"Oh, thank you," Rin said, patting Setsuna's back as the little girl's cries were interrupted by a burp. She glanced over at Kagome, and the two sisters shared a look.
Inukimi tsked. "Ask your questions. We know you're dying to."
"Well…this is quite a surprise," Rin hedged.
"I'm sure," Izayoi answered.
Kagome's attention immediately latched onto her mother-in-law. "Whose idea was this? Because no offense, Izayoi, but I don't see how you have anything to gain from this sort of…relationship."
Izayoi glanced out of the corner of her eye to meet Inukimi's gaze. "You're right—I don't. Not unless you count easing Touga's heart, which I feel as mine," she answered. Rin nodded in understanding. "But…I have my own sins to make up for, and this was something I had suggested in the very beginning, so it would be hypocritical of me to reject such a plan now."
Kagome looked unsure. "I mean, I get it…but are you going to make yourself miserable for the rest of your life because of it?"
Izayoi huffed with a small smile. "Kagome, I'm not miserable. I'm still together with my mate. But I agree that it will take…time…to get used to having his attentions divided."
"Well no duh," Kagome returned. "Look, I don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but if Kikyou were still around and she waltzed back into Inuyasha's life demanding to be with him, I'd be pissed," she admitted. "No offense, Inukimi."
Inukimi raised a brow at her. "The situations are rather different. Unlike Touga and me, Inuyasha and Kikyou were never married—nor did they have a child," she replied. She couldn't help but feel the conscious weight of her now-snoozing granddaughter in her arms as she said it.
She knew now she had been too hasty in the beginning to suggest Sesshoumaru take his children and turn Rin out. Whether there was affection between the parents or not, a child created an everlasting bond between them.
"Yeah, but they still loved each other," Kagome argued.
Inukimi huffed. "I see where you are going with this. It's true our marriage was not based on love. But do not assume there was no attraction from the start. It is just that that attraction developed into…more…at different rates for us. Even so, regardless of unfortunate timing, neither of us regret our marriage."
That was as much as she was ready to admit of her feelings to this nosy girl. But it appeared to have been enough. She saw the moment Kagome understood as the indignation straightening her spine deflated a bit.
"Sooo, what brought this on? It just seems kinda sudden," Kagome asked in a more subdued tone.
Confound this girl and her curiosity. Inukimi stayed quiet. She did not need these humans girls to know how she had baited Touga into sex.
To her surprise though, Izayoi spoke—but she didn't say what Inukimi was expecting.
"When I was in that arena fighting for my life…I faced a lot of regrets. Things I prayed I could reconcile if I lived. This broken relationship was one of them. And I told myself I would see it resolved one way or another."
Resolved, hm? So that's why she was so focused on divorce until Touga waffled.
Just then, Inukimi sensed Inuyasha's enraged aura approaching. A moment later, he slammed open the sliding door to the dining room and stormed over to stand by his wife. Then he faced down Inukimi and stuck out a rude finger at her.
"You, get out."
"Inuyasha!" Kagome and Izayoi shouted, aghast.
Towa stirred at his sharp inflection, and Inukimi did not rise, preferring to keep still so she would not fully wake. "Watch your tone, whelp."
"I'll talk to you how I damn well please. After all, it's your fault my mother has to suffer through this ridiculous throuple façade."
Inukimi's brows rose. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me. Or weren't you the one who seduced Dad into cheating on her?"
Towa whimpered and wrapped her arms around Inukimi's neck, hiding her face in her shoulder. The little one's fear was as much a spark to light the fuse to Inukimi's anger as Inuyasha's words were. She stood calmly, looking the mutt straight in the eye. "Have you forgotten who seduced whom first, whelp? If Touga and I have any relationship, it is because we are mending what he and your mother broke."
Inuyasha growled. "Yeah, well, he was fuckin' happy until you messed with his head!"
"Inuyasha, that's enough!" Izayoi snapped, shooting up from her seat like a rocket and slapping her son's cheek. Towa spasmed, and Inukimi cocooned her in fur to keep her calm. Inuyasha stared at his mother in shock. "You're not saying anything that hasn't already been said between the three of us. We've worked past it, decided on a course of action, and we're seeing it through."
Some of the anger leeched out of Inuyasha's expression as he looked at Izayoi. "But Mom, I just…. Why should you have to suffer for his mistakes?"
"Because I am also at fault as well, son. The actions may be long passed, but the effects still linger. So I must repent for them."
"So you're going to repent your whole life for something you didn't have any control over? He's the one who put the mating mark on you."
Izayoi's face set. "He may have been the one to mark me…but he gave me every opportunity to walk away, and I didn't. I'm sorry you're disappointed in us, son. But we're not perfect. We never were."
Inuyasha appeared to wrestle with his thoughts before turning around. "Let's go upstairs, Kagome."
Kagome glanced guiltily back at the untouched food while putting a hand to her stomach. "But…."
Inuyasha grabbed their plates, heaping food on each of them. He held them in one hand as he pulled Kagome up. "You head upstairs. I'll heat these up," he muttered as they left the room.
Kagome sighed, her voice trailing off as they walked down the hall. "Why can't we ever just have a nice family dinner without some sort of argument?"
Inukimi looked down at Rin, who was gently bouncing Setsuna on her knee. "Well, you've been rather quiet. Don't you have anything to add?"
Rin appeared thoughtful for a moment before looking back and forth between the two women. "I understand more than anyone the desire to make your family whole. If the three of you think this is the right path…then who am I to judge? You're all adults, and you all consented to this. …You did consent to it…right?" she asked, her gaze sliding to Izayoi.
The woman nodded. "Yes. Inukimi and I talked it through before discussing it with Touga."
Rin nodded. "Even so…I imagine it can't be easy to…share." She blushed a little when she said it. "I know dog demons especially are territorial," she murmured, looking up at Inukimi.
"Indeed," she answered. "But that instinct has worked both ways, and we have managed thus far." Rin's mouth took on an "o" shape in surprise.
The three of them were silent for an awkward moment before Rin added, "Well, I suppose I should get these two ready to go back…."
Inukimi and Izayoi helped her dress the twins in their winter coats for the walk back to their house. Once Rin too was bundled up, they moved outside, where she set them up in their stroller. The air smelled crisp with the promise of snow, though none had as yet fallen this winter. With a muted goodbye to Izayoi, Rin pushed the twins onto the path connecting their homes, and Inukimi walked with her. The cool air helped to calm the burn of irritation that still inflamed her after Inuyasha's accusations.
Sesshoumaru met them on the way back, silently sliding into place alongside Rin. Touga was nowhere to be seen, though Inukimi could still feel him somewhere on the premises. When they got back to the house, Sesshoumaru wordlessly took the twins into his arms and carried them to the nursery, where he and Rin got them ready for bed.
Meanwhile, Inukimi sat on her divan, staring out the front window, mulling over that night's conversation. She had known it would be difficult, but she was still unsettled. As Rin had said, the goal had been to create more unity in the family. Now it just felt as if the three of them were dividing it further.
After some time, Sesshoumaru approached the doorway to the living room.
"Come to the study, Mother."
A light huff escaped her. So he wishes to have as many soundproofed walls between us and the rest of this estate's inhabitants, does he?
"Am I to be accosted on all fronts this evening?" she asked.
Sesshoumaru frowned. "Did Inuyasha say something?"
"Of course he did. You know that temper of his."
"I will have words with him."
Inukimi stood and sighed. "There is no need. Everything has been said. But come. Let me hear your piece."
She led him to the study, and as soon as he had closed the door, he asked, "Mother, why are you debasing yourself like this?"
"Debasing? Sesshoumaru, he's your father."
"And he left you. He mated someone else."
"I am aware. But I have come to terms with it, and we have reconciled."
"Reconciled? After everything he put you through? He made a fool out of you. The only reason you did not become the laughingstock of the court was because you made an example of the first few who dared to rub it in your face."
Yes, she hadn't minded killing those fools and throwing their carcasses off her palace walls. It had reminded her court that while Touga may have had a slight edge in physical strength over her, she was still more powerful than the rest of them. For such a long-lived race, those idiots had had exceptionally poor memories if they couldn't recall how many suitors she had beaten down in her youth.
Few would have derided her had Touga taken another demoness as his mate and wife. Many demons had salacious appetites for females, and with their animalistic natures, the idea of sowing one's seed among more females—especially in a race that took so long to breed—was quite acceptable. It was the fact that Izayoi had been human that made Inukimi into an object of scorn.
Because somehow, the most powerful demoness in Japan just hadn't been good enough.
Not that it mattered anymore.
"And where is my court now, Sesshoumaru? Gone, along with a majority of the demon race. In these desperate times, I feel few would judge me for getting back together with my lawful husband."
"Then just as few would judge you for leaving him for good," Sesshoumaru answered.
Inukimi glared at him. "Sesshoumaru, he is your father—"
"Stop using that as an excuse."
Inukimi sighed. "Do you want me to be with someone else that badly—or do you just not want me to be with him?"
"I don't want you to be treated any less than you deserve," Sesshoumaru rebuked. Inukimi's eyes widened in surprise. Sesshoumaru clenched his fists. "I know now what it is to have a mating bond, Mother. I know what he would feel for Izayoi. What he…cannot, will not feel for you."
"Yes, Sesshoumaru, I am aware of this. And yet your father has proven that he does still feel for me. Perhaps not the way he does for Izayoi. But it is enough."
"You deserve more—"
Inukimi's temper flared, and she snapped, "How much longer must I live with 'what ifs,' Sesshoumaru? At some point, one must accept the reality. You think I should go find someone else, yes? What would you have me do? Sign up for online dating?" Sesshoumaru's nose curled. So even her son had heard the horrors of it. "Do you think I sat for six hundred years on my throne just waiting for your father to return?"
Admittedly, she had spent some of that time waiting for him. But when she learned that Izayoi would not die, it became less of a focus and more of a hope she held onto by a frayed thread.
"I ran an empire. I socialized with the court. I was surrounded by countless numbers of demons. And in all that time, I never managed to feel the same spark I did with your father. If I could not find someone at the height of my power, who would I find now, Sesshoumaru? And before you say I should start looking at humans, I will stop you right there. They may be to your taste, but they are not to mine."
"I understand. But I also did not expect to feel the way I did about Rin."
"It also took you some fourteen-hundred years to find her," Inukimi retorted. "I am tired of waiting, Sesshoumaru. Tired of shouldering every burden on my own. Tired of being alone. In short: I'm tired. Am I not allowed this one time to take the path of least resistance? Touga is still my husband. Why should I not look to someone I already have every right to access for companionship and comfort?"
She could see from the look of consternation on his face that he still wasn't convinced, although he didn't say anything more. She sighed and approached him, placing a hand on his cheek. Sesshoumaru's eyes widened. "Oh, my son. I do not mean to be cross with you. It warms my heart to see you care for your mother so. There was a time you didn't appear to, since you rarely came home."
Sesshoumaru frowned, that near-permanent crease between his brows deepening. "Then I am also to blame for driving you back to him."
She patted his cheek, a little harder than needed, in admonishment. "I let you have your freedom because you were a growing demon. I admit I spoiled my only son, but it was never your responsibility to see to my happiness. That is my responsibility—and in part your father's, who vowed to stand by my side for eternity. Just think of it this way, son: He is finally returning to make good on that promise."
Sesshoumaru reached up and removed her hand from his face—though to her surprise, he held onto it. "You deserve happiness, Mother."
She gave him a wry smile. "And I intend to find it. That's what this trial-run is all about."
"And if you fail?" Sesshoumaru asked.
"Then I return to the way things have been, Sesshoumaru. Satisfied…but not happy."
Sesshoumaru squeezed her hand in what she thought was more a reflex to her words than a conscious thought. But then he nodded and released her. As he turned to leave, Inukimi added, "Don't worry overmuch, Sesshoumaru. If it does not work out, you can always think about this time as some sort of fever-induced dream."
"Perhaps more of a nightmare."
But when he glanced back at her, she saw the barest hint of a smirk tugging on the corner of his lip.
If they could joke about it, then perhaps not all was lost.
Inukimi smelled the first snow coming, and she went out to await it. A slight breeze whirled through the air, and she shifted her fur to cover more of her body as she walked into the garden and sat down upon a bench. She peered into the sky then—or what she could see of it in the pocket of the canopy of ancient trees surrounding the Nishikuni estate. Unfortunately, even though their home was a quiet respite from the city of Tokyo, it was still well within its borders, and the lights of the surrounding urban plain masked all but a couple of the brightest stars from view.
Touga's aura grew more prominent, and soon his footsteps crunched along the gravel path and came to a stop in front of her.
"It's rare to see you out and about like this at night," Inukimi remarked.
"Well, I'm rather without a home at the moment."
"Hmm, so you're going door to door like a street dog, looking for someone to take pity on you?" Inukimi asked.
"I wouldn't dare," Touga answered with a self-deprecating smile. "But may I sit here for now?" he asked, gesturing to the bench.
She nodded, and when he sat down, they were thigh-to-thigh. She looked down at their touching legs.
"Too close?" he asked, shifting away.
She reached out and stopped his knee from moving. "No. Just…unexpected. Different."
"It has been a while," Touga answered.
"Does Izayoi know you're here?" Inukimi asked.
"Last I checked, she's sleeping. But does she need to know every little interaction we have? Do you need to know every time I'm with her?" Touga countered.
Inukimi huffed. "Touché. Keeping count is bound to breed ill will."
"My aim is to make it so that neither or you feels the need to keep count." He looked down then at the hand she still had on his leg.
"Do you feel uncomfortable with me?" Inukimi asked.
"Not uncomfortable, but perhaps a little…on edge? My body's been trained for the last seven hundred years to only touch Izayoi this way."
Inukimi removed her hand from his leg and looked up at him. "The bond?"
He shook his head, then reached out and fingered one of her pigtails. For some reason she never understood, he'd always had a fascination with them. "Not exactly. I suppose I just…still feel like a guilty husband going behind my wife's back. …Then again, I once felt that way around Izayoi as well." His wry smile held a touch of sadness.
Inukimi gave him a droll look. "And you're telling me the bond has nothing at all to do with that? It's not pushing you even now to move away from me?"
In response, he slid his fingers along her scalp and into her hair, messing up her perfect coiffure, and yet Inukimi felt such a rush of warmth from his hand on the back of her head that she wished he would continue. It was both titillating and….
Comforting. Something she had not felt in a long, long time.
He leaned in and kissed her forehead, keeping his lips against it longer than she thought necessary. Then he pulled away. "There is some internal resistance. And yet…not as much as one might expect. Perhaps my body remembers, but it's just taking a while for the full memory to return."
"Remembers what?"
He looked down at her with soft eyes, brushing a thumb over her cheek. "That you could have been my mate instead. That the feelings were there. That they still are, though they've been buried deep."
Inukimi held his golden gaze, searching for the deception in his words. Searching for the reassurance she had been so quick to give her son.
"Are they, truly?" she asked.
Touga cupped her head between his palms. "Inukimi, what do I need to say—or do—for you to believe me?"
Inukimi glanced away from his determined stare. But she couldn't move her head—he held it captive. "I…I understand why I was not enough for you back then. But…what makes me good enough for you now? Was telling you how I felt really all it took?"
She dared to look back at him and found his eyes welling with pity—but also shame. "I'm sorry, Inukimi. I know I can never say it enough. You never deserved the hurt I inflicted upon you. But even when I didn't know of your feelings for me, I still loved you. I just…pulled away to diffuse the hurt of believing my love was not reciprocated." He traced the curve of her brow and cheekbone with his thumb. "You're a brilliant statistician, a domineering woman, and so self-assured in all that you do. I consider myself blessed to have had you by my side as an ally all this time rather than an enemy…even when I deserved to be the latter."
"Ah, so is that why you didn't want to give me up to Kirinmaru?" Inukimi teased with a small grin. "We would have made a formidable rivalry for you indeed."
Touga's jaw tightened. "I admit, it was not fair to either you or Izayoi for me to act so…possessive of you. You had every right to be with someone new—you still do, if you so wish. I tried not to let those feelings take over, but imagining the two of you together…it was like he was trying to mount you in front of me all over again, and I couldn't stand it."
"So you know how I've felt about you and Izayoi all this time. What I am still willing to feel to stay by your side. What she is willing to put up with for your happiness."
Touga closed his eyes and let his hands drop. "Yes, I know. And I will stop at nothing to make the both of you as happy as you can be."
"That remains to be seen," Inukimi said. Then, quite deliberately, she closed her eyes and laid her head on his shoulder. To her relief, he didn't stiffen beneath her. "Sesshoumaru doesn't believe your sincerity. He thinks you're taking advantage of me."
Touga slid his arm around her shoulders, and some of the tension eased out of her body.
How long had it been since she could relax around another like this? Since she didn't always have to be alert and could allow another the burden of being so instead?
It was nice.
But she also felt as if she were waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because as she had learned, the good feelings—the good times, rather—never lasted.
"Neither he nor Inuyasha are happy with me. But I cannot fault them. They're trying to protect their mothers. But Sesshoumaru was right about one thing. Reentering a relationship with you doesn't make up for me breaking it in the first place."
Inukimi tilted her head up and peered at him. "If you're going to suggest a punishment again, make sure that this time, it's not a reward in disguise."
Touga chuckled. "Inukimi, with whips and chains, you could give me a thorough beating long before it resembled any sort of reward."
She tsked and rolled her eyes. "So that's where your mind went. I should have known."
"Isn't that what you were talking about?"
"Something like that…. But I'm also not feeling very charitable at the moment."
"Nor should you. Sesshoumaru brought up a good point. I may have received your forgiveness…but I have not yet begun to atone."
"And how might you do that?"
"I was hoping you could tell me. What do you want of me, Inukimi?"
Inukimi didn't even need to think about it. "I will consider this trial period a success when it is over only if you agree to receive my mating mark. If you cannot commit even that much to me, then I will know where your heart truly lies."
Touga was silent for a moment. "I understand. I wish I could reciprocate, but you have proven over these centuries that you never needed a mating bond to remain loving and loyal." He slid his hand into hers then, intertwining their fingers.
A white speck whirled past Inukimi's eye and was gone before she could say she saw it. Then another one twirled in the air.
"Look at that. The first snow of the season," Touga said. He pulled out his fur cape from underneath him, throwing it around both their legs. He had no need to cover her, of course, but she appreciated the gesture.
Gradually, more and more flakes tumbled down to earth. Touga held out his free hand, watching them disappear as soon as they met his skin. "Do you remember the first time Sesshoumaru saw snow? He was so excited, he took off flying before we could stop him."
A small smile quirked on Inukimi's lips. "Yes. He was so energetic and curious, he kept diving into clouds, looking for the source of the snow, and we'd lose sight of him, since he was so small and fluffy."
Touga chuckled. "I had to drag him home by the scruff after that, but he was so wet he smelled rank. I couldn't get that taste out of my mouth for days. Then he kept trying to bite the servants who were giving him a bath. You had to step in, as I recall."
"So I did. He learned early on who held his leash."
"That's one of my favorite memories." Touga turned and looked down at her. "I hope you know that I'm looking forward to making more happy ones with you from now on."
"I…feel the same," Inukimi said, still getting used to sharing her emotions so openly. They stared into each other's eyes again, each one slowly closing the distance until their lips met in a gentle kiss. Their stolen kisses this past year had been rough and filled with raging emotions. But tonight, Inukimi relearned his lips—the contours, the softness, the taste—with the same careful study as an artist would her subject matter.
And for the rest of the night, they stayed seated on that bench, watching the snow dust the ground as they sky lightened into dawn and recounting the memories of times long passed but never forgotten.