The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters has gone to get some donuts. Well, what happened after the Halloween Party of Doom in the Guest Who Would Not Leave? These are some musings I had.

Death By Donut Hole

It was supposed to be one of the best Halloween parties Jay and Sam had ever thrown. A chance for them to connect and make new friends and become a bigger part of the community. A sign that things at Woodstone Mansion were looking up.

Instead, it turned out to be one of the worst. A party hadn't been this disastrous at Woodstone Mansion since Sophie's husband had been caught having an affair with one of her friends in the broom closet. Right before he was arrested for embezzlement and fraud.

Or since the garden party Hetty once threw with giraffes and they ran amok.

Or since Great Aunt Mildred Woodstone decided to interrupt her sister's tea party. With an axe.

Or the New Year's Eve party when Alberta was murdered by Thomas.

Or of course since last year's Halloween's party.

You get the picture.

"Well," Jay sighed as he sat in what he thought was an empty living room. "This is officially the worst Halloween ever. Completely blowing last year's disaster out of the water. And the year before that. I so get why ghosts hate Halloween."

Of course, the ghosts were there. "Now he gets it," Alberta snorted.

"Better late than never," Isaac shrugged.

"I called Laura," Sam trudged in. "It was not easy telling her she lost another parent at Woodstone. But I had to. I just didn't want her to find out from a stranger."

"Thank you, Sam," Carol said. "Oh my God…Laura."

"What are you complaining about?" Pete grumbled. "You had forty more years with her than I did!"

"I can't believe it," Jay groaned. "We lose one ghost and we get another one almost immediately! What are the odds of that?"

"Around here?" Sasappis quipped. "One to one."

"Oh my God I'm dead," Carol was stunned. "I'm dead. But…I had so much to do next week! I promised my friend Joyce that I'd help her set up the Ladies' League fundraiser!"

"Good news," Isaac quipped. "Now you have an excuse to get out of that."

"I was supposed to see my accountant for some investment strategies so I wouldn't have to pay as much taxes," Carol went on.

"More good news," Isaac remarked. "No more taxes."

"And I had another doctor's appointment," Carol went on.

"Don't need those anymore," Isaac added. "Just as well. Doctors just bleed you dry. In my day that was literally true."

Carol added. "And I had a Weight Watcher's meeting to go to on Tuesday!"

Isaac remarked. "Well since you are literally lighter than air now…Those meetings are no longer a necessity."

Carol went on. "And I had to return my library books and then get my clothes from the dry cleaners and then…"

"Carol let me save you some time," Pete sighed. "Your schedule is completely clear from now until…Eternity."

"What's going on?" Nancy walked into the room.

"Uh Nancy we have a new arrival," Pete coughed. "Carol this is Nancy. Nancy, Carol my uh…former wife."

"Oh yeah," Nancy nodded. "I've heard about you. Pete has talked about you. A lot."

"Wait another ghost is here?" Carol asked.

"There's a lot of ghosts on this property," Sasappis explained.

"Define a lot," Carol asked.

"Well, we never fully counted how many of us are in the basement," Nancy admitted. "Mostly because we didn't want to make the ghosts that don't know how to count feel bad."

"Oh god we're on the news," Jay realized as he looked at his phone. "Again…"

"This does not bode well," Isaac remarked. "Samantha, could you have Jay put it up on the screen so…?"

"The ghosts want you to put it on the TV," Sam told Jay.

"Sure, why not have our latest disaster in high def?" Jay groaned as he did so.

A news anchor was seen at his desk. "Good evening, I'm Chester Chetwind. Our top story tonight: tragedy struck a Halloween party in Upstate New York when a party goer died due to a food related incident. Lana Lamontaine has details."

A news reporter was shown outside the gates of Woodstone Mansion. "This is Lana Lamontaine with Channel Four News. A Halloween party at Woodstone Mansion turned more ghoulish than expected when one of the guests died unexpectedly in a freak accident involving donut holes."

"Just one donut hole!" Carol shouted at the TV.

"One was more than enough," Hetty remarked. Pete couldn't help but snicker a little.

"Is she outside our house?" Jay blinked.

Alberta stuck her head out the wall. "She is!"

"Cheese and crackers that was fast," Pete whistled. "Why are they reporting on us?"

"Besides the fact that someone died here? There's not exactly much that goes on in this town," Trevor told him. "Remember last week when they reported on that new bicycle rack? It made the headlines in the newspaper!"

"To be fair it was a nice bicycle rack," Pete remarked.

"Oh my God!" Carol interrupted the newscast. "Did they have to use that picture? I look horrible!"

"Good God," Hetty recoiled. "I've seen less makeup on a circus performer."

"And that hair…" Isaac recoiled. "That is so not your color Carol!"

"I wanted to try a new hairstyle and my friend Joyce swore that I would look great with tiger stripes," Carol explained. "She said she would do my hair for free so I said yes!"

"Joyce?" Pete asked. "The one who flunked beauty school three times?"

"Yes," Carol groaned. "She was also a Mary Kay rep at the time and I was trying to support her. Her damn blush gave me a rash."

"I remember Joyce. You were lucky you didn't go bald," Pete remarked.

Lana kept talking on screen. "It appears that the victim died of choking on a donut hole. The coroner has told me he has to do an autopsy to determine the official cause of death. But he said, and I quote…It definitely looks like she choked on a donut hole. A big one. Chocolate glazed. It was barely even chewed. It looked like she literally inhaled it."

The shot cut to Chester. "She should have just had a regular donut."

"I don't like donuts!" Carol shouted at the screen. "I like donut holes!"

"They are the same…" Pete began. "Oh, never mind!"

Lana continued to report. "In a bizarre twist, this reporter has learned that over forty years earlier, the deceased's first husband died here due to a freak archery accident."

"Freak my corset," Hetty grumbled to Isaac and Sasappis. "I still say that little hooligan shot Pete on purpose!"

Lana spoke to the screen. "We'd like to remind our viewers that approximately over three thousand people choke to death on food each year. Mostly very young children, professional competitive eaters, and the elderly. Which Mrs. Martino was. Elderly."

"OH, COME ON!" Carol shouted. "That was an unnecessary shot!"

"So please chew your food well," Lana kept speaking.

"Lana," Chester interrupted. "Isn't Woodstone Mansion also the same place where they found a corpse in the lake?"

"Yes, Chester," Lana nodded. "The body of Trevor Lefkowitz was discovered in the lake where it had been hidden for over twenty years. The cause and circumstances of his death are still a mystery."

"That's me!" Trevor said proudly. "I'm a mystery man!"

"I'd use another word to describe you," Sasappis quipped. "But I don't want to swear in front of Pete."

Lana kept reporting. "It's also the same place where self-proclaimed historian Todd Pearlman nearly died after drinking poisoned moonshine while investigating the death of Alberta Haynes, a relatively unknown Jazz singer who also died on this property."

"What do you mean by relatively unknown?" Alberta shouted at the TV. "I'm world famous!"

"You are now," Sasappis pointed out. "Thanks to Todd almost dying, ironically."

Lana went on. "It is also where one of the attacks of the Hudson Valley Hacker, infamous chainsaw killer took place. The Hudson Valley Hacker hid here in his family's ancestral home until he was hunted down and brutally killed."

"You have one chainsaw killer in the family and no one ever lets you forget it," Hetty sighed. "And he was only a second cousin once removed! Barely related to us at all! So much for journalistic integrity!"

Lana kept speaking. "There have also been several other odd deaths reported at Woodstone Mansion. As well as recent incidents with protestors and a cult rumored to have stayed here."

"For a day!" Jay shouted. "They were only here one day!"

"This has been another grim chapter in the saga of Woodstone Mansion. Or as people call it, the Dead and Breakfast. This is Lana Lamontaine reporting."

"The only people calling us that are you!" Jay shouted at the TV. "We may never have another party again."

"We may never have another guest again," Sam groaned.

Trevor leaned into Sam. "I don't want to be that guy, but I'd like to point out that this would not have happened if you used my party planning services."

"You definitely wouldn't have confused Carol with Bookstore Caroline," Sasappis admitted. "Gotta give Trevor this one, Sam."

"Thank you," Trevor grinned.

"Uh hello?" Carol shouted. "Has everyone forgotten I died?"

"Trust me I wish I could forget!" Pete grumbled to himself.

"I'm sorry Carol," Hetty apologized. "But you just happened to die on a very busy evening. Now if you had been a tad more considerate and expired on a different day that would be a different story."

"Not helping Hetty!" Sam snapped. "No surprises there. I'm sorry Carol if things are a bit rushed but we have a lot going on."

"Wait is Carol in this room?" Jay asked.

"Yes," Sam sighed. "They're all in this room."

"Why is he always surprised at that detail?" Isaac asked aloud. "He should know this by now!"

"Hang on," Carol did a double take. "She can see me but he can't?"

"Most livings can't see ghosts," Isaac explained. "Except for Samantha who was technically dead due to an accident Trevor caused. And a curse Thorfinn placed on the mansion."

"What now?" Carol did a double take.

"Long story," Sasappis waved. "We'll tell you later."

"Not like you won't have any laters," Alberta remarked. "Welcome to eternity."

"WHAT?" Carol shouted. "What do you mean by eternity?"

"Eternity," Isaac quipped. "A noun. Infinite and unending time."

Sasappis sighed. "Lots and lots and lots and lots of time."

"Okay let me get this straight," Carol took a breath, (Which was weird because of course ghosts don't need to breathe.) "My dead husband has been haunting this house for over forty years? And you were able to see and talk to him all this time?"

"Yes," Sam admitted. "See I had an accident where I was technically dead for three minutes and as a result I can talk to ghosts."

"So when you found Pete's manual…" Carol realized.

"Pete told me where it was and begged me to contact you," Sam admitted. "He also really wanted to see his daughter get married at the mansion. He was very happy when it did."

Isaac whispered to the others in the group. "Not so happy when she admitted to having an affair with Jerry."

"Not a good day when she did that," Pete grumbled.

"You should have told me that you could see my husband's ghost!" Carol shouted at Sam, clearly not hearing either Isaac or Pete. "And as I was saying those words aloud…Literally as they were coming out of my mouth."

"Exactly," Sam nodded. "You thought I was crazy enough with the wedding thing."

"Well now I know why!" Carol groaned. "Pete wouldn't shut up until you said something about the lilies, didn't he? That's why you wrote in the…? I should have known! I should have known! Pete always got his flowers confused!"

"Uh excuse me?" Pete gave her a look.

"Pete, can we have a brief word?" Isaac coughed. "Just for a minute."

"It's not all flowers I get confused!" Pete grumbled as he got up to follow Isaac, Thorfinn, Sasappis and Alberta. "Just orchids and lilies. And let's be honest they look pretty much the same anyway!"

"Oh God everything is making so much sense now," Carol groaned. "Laura really could feel her father's spirit here!"

"I'm sorry Carol," Sam winced.

"Yeah, sorry Carol," Jay groaned. "For the loss of…Yourself."

"I still don't get why we can sit on furniture but walls we can't touch it any other way," Carol blinked. "When I put my hand on the chair it goes right through but I can sit on it? Why?"

"We just do," Hetty groaned. "I know it's a very taxing question. One Isaac and I often do at our weekly ponder."

"You're what now?" Carol blinked.

"Don't worry Carol," Trevor remarked. "You'll get caught up on all the fun activities at Woodstone. Staring at the walls. Staring at birds. Watching livings do stupid things. Listening to lectures about fish. Arguing if fish dream. Thank God we now have TV. Jumping off the roof occasionally…"

"Say what?" Carold did a double take.

"In the basement we talk about the water heater," Nancy added.

Meanwhile the others were talking to Pete outside the hallway. "Pete," Isaac said. "We have to do the Welcome Ceremony. You know the rules, when a new ghost arrives at Woodstone Mansion…"

"We have to welcome them yes, yes I know!" Pete sighed. "I know! I'll explain everything to Carol. She knows me. I'll introduce you guys. And pray she doesn't sleep with you right in the living room."

"Well, if that is option…" Thorfinn paused. "Oh. Pete being sarcastic. Sorry. Thorfinn working on saying sorry at least a couple times a year. First time this year! Big improvement for Thorfinn! Grief has made Thorfinn much more sympathetic."

"Okay, okay, okay…" Pete sighed. "I can do this. I can be the bigger person. I can welcome Carol to Woodstone. Sure. This will be great. Great." He walked away.

"The afterlife just got a little more interesting around here," Isaac remarked.

"Pete's going to lose it sooner or later, isn't he?" Alberta asked.

"Oh yes," Sasappis grinned. "I mean I feel bad for Pete. But I can't wait for the drama!"