'Anyone can have a child and call themselves a parent. A real parent is someone who puts that child above their own selfish needs and wants.'

Unknown

Bella

I gaped. "How is that possible?" Alice, along with the other Cullens, had gasped.

"It's possible." Gabrielle tilted her head to one side. "Have you ever dreamed of something like this before?"

Still gaping, I shook my head, astonished.

"No. Not until that dream…" Then I remembered. "I had it twice."

Deciding it was best to continue with my story, I kept going. I described my interactions with Edward: how I went to Port Angeles with Jessica and Angela, despite not wanting to go to any of the high school dances, after having such bad experiences with them in Phoenix. How I'd split off from the two of them, intending to go to the bookstore. When I'd left, I'd been cornered by a group of thugs, only for them to be driven away by Edward.

"It was lucky he was there," Gabrielle blinked. "But even though you shouldn't have been walking in dark places on your own after nightfall-" I grimaced, nodding "what was Edward doing there?" She looked grim.

"He followed me." I sighed. Gabrielle nodded, expecting this.

I decided it was best to spare no details. Then I went on.

Everyone had been horrified and appalled when they discovered how Edward had left me in the woods. I'd described to them meeting James, Laurent and Victoria, how James had caught my scent. How Edward had seen and heard his thoughts and that he'd planned to hunt me.

I described to them my dilemma of what to do to keep Charlie unaware but give him a reason as to why I was leaving town. I winced as I described everything I'd said and what I had said.

Then I froze. I remembered what Edward had said in the car, when I'd been hurt, upset at what I had just said.

"He'll forgive it."

And then I told him that I'd said the exact same things my mother had said to him just as she was leaving.

Everyone was silent. Sue sighed. "I can't pretend I like what you did, but I can understand why you did it." She confessed. Leah nodded.

It was Edward's reaction that disturbed me now. I told him what we'd both said in the car. How he fell silent after I revealed to him where I had said those words. How… uncaring and nonchalant he had been when I told him it was what my mother had said as she had prepared to leave and took me with her.

I sighed. It was becoming increasingly hard to tell the story as time went by. I confessed to Renesmee- to everyone- everything. I told them of what happened in the hotel, James' call. How he'd used a recording of Renée's voice in order to lure me into the ballet studio where I'd once had my lessons.

I told them of what James did, and how Edward came to the rescue. He couldn't beat James but he held his attention long enough for the other Cullens to arrive and deal with him. By then I'd been bitten, but Edward had sucked the venom out from my system before I could change.

Then I told my daughter about the hospital. Gabrielle, Sue and Leah's eyebrows all rose when they heard the story the Cullens had concocted to fool the hospital authorities, the evidence that was fabricated. I told her about Prom. Alice covered her face with her hands as I relived what had happened.

I shook my head, mortified at the fact that I'd asked Edward to change me there and then. I then continued with my story. After months of dating, September had arrived. I described the English class with Mr Berty while we watched Franco Zefirelli's adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. What I had said and what Edward said to me.

I winced in complete mortification as I told my daughter about the conversation. Now that I was explaining to a child- my child, no less- about how either of her parents wanted to commit suicide because we were so desperate not to live without one another, we sounded so stupid, even to my own ears. I was fully aware of how Renesmee would see this; and truly, I could see that she was not impressed. I really had been that stupid, or maybe just naïve, back then. But while I knew I had the excuse of youth, I should've known better than to jump into marriage and vampirism, at least not without finding out what I was getting myself into and who I was truly going to do it with.

I remembered Stefan and Vladimir. While I hadn't liked them, I did remember Carlisle mentioning that the two of them had lost their mates during the war with the Volturi. I even remembered Marcus, who had to live for hundreds, if not thousands of years, after the death of his mate, unable to avenge or even investigate her death, because of Chelsea's spell. I felt embarrassed and ashamed, not just for myself, but on Edward's behalf; because now that our daughter was listening to this story- what does that teach her? What does that tell her about her own parents?

We were basically a pair of idiots and hypocrites, who expected her to be smart and do better- on our own terms and instructions- while not providing a good example of what to be like.

I admitted to myself that Edward and I weren't the models of a healthy relationship, even without the emotional and mental manipulation, which I was certain now was what truly happened. And I loathed, more than anything the idea of Renesmee- of my baby- having to go through the same thing someday.

But didn't Edward already do the same to her? Wasn't Jacob like that? Granted, he wasn't as good as Edward at doing it to me- or to Nessie, now that I thought about it- but he still did his damn best.

And I couldn't forgive him for that. I found that I couldn't forgive either of them: their deliberate emotional manipulation of me, playing with my mind- and worse- doing the exact same thing to my daughter.

I found that I couldn't trust either of them- nor anyone who supported the imprint or who pushed me towards Edward. Not even myself. Not even my guilt over leading Jacob on could excuse what he was doing- what he had already done to my innocent daughter.

I felt a surge of rage.

A month ago, I would have been horrified. I would've seen this as the height of blasphemy- of treason. I would've felt that I'd deserved the worst flames of hell for even thinking or feeling this way.

But now… now I could see that that was precisely what was so stupid about this. About me.

I'd been totally blindsided. My perfect life of eternity was a lie.

After I finished the entire story, everyone sat in silence.

Then, Gabrielle spoke. "Do you still love him?"

I hesitated. A few hours ago, I would've immediately opened my mouth to say yes. I would've defended Edward, no matter the cost.

A part of me still felt a strong measure of guilt that I could even consider otherwise. After all, how many times would I have been dead had it not been for Edward? How many times did he warn me not to jump into vampirism and immortality so easily?

But then again, how many times had he used my feelings of guilt to manipulate me, including after I'd found out that Jacob had accidentally overheard about our engagement? Or when I was pregnant and he disapproved, how bitter and resentful he'd been, and I felt worried and guilty that I was making him feel miserable and hurt since he said I no longer trusted him?

And hadn't Jacob done the same? I'd told Renesmee of how the three of us were; I couldn't meet her eyes when I'd told my daughter that the man who'd put himself forward as her protector- and her soulmate- was in love with me. And that I'd led him on because I was such a big, selfish coward, too afraid to lose anyone after Edward; of being alone.

And that in the end, he'd manipulated me, almost as much as Edward. He'd even kissed me without my wanting it. Assault. And he knew I would find it easy to forgive him. Which I did, every time.

The revelation about our breakup in the woods certainly shocked everyone. Sue looked infuriated, and Esme and Rosalie looked like they were ready to march back to the Carpathians to give Edward a piece of their minds he was unable to read. Leah was stunned to the core. Apparently, according to Sam, all the park rangers, all of Charlie's police officers, along with some volunteers had gone out to search for me. I blinked. Was I truly that far away? I thought…

I remembered stumbling as I followed Edward, or tried to. When I told this, Leah told me that dumping someone in the woods was still quite a way to send a message of how meaningless you are to someone. No matter the reason, Edward didn't have to go that far.

I couldn't say anything.

I couldn't deny that Edward's heart was in the right place- like Renée. But like my mother, Edward was better at following his impulses and desires, his fears and anxieties, than his heart. They both mistook it for something heartfelt: same as Alice.

So did I.

At that statement, I truly wondered whether my mother genuinely loved Phil, or whether she thought, like her romance to Charlie, that it was something wonderful, amazing and romantic. She was still a romantic. That wasn't a bad thing in itself, but maybe romantic films, poems and stories just didn't translate well in real life. Maybe love- true love- exists, but we shouldn't take inspiration from fiction. At least not all of it.

No one should.

I took a deep breath. As hard as me to question myself about this, I had to ask: did Edward genuinely love me? Did Jacob? Did he love Renesmee?

Do I still love Edward- or worse, did I genuinely love him?

I swallowed. That was hard.

That was possibly the hardest and most bitter thing for me to ask myself, but I needed to know.

I was sick of not knowing because I was too afraid to. Too weak and too cowardly.

I didn't want to be a weak little coward, an idiot who couldn't think for herself and needed Edward to carry her around, constantly help or do things for her. Not anymore. And now, I belatedly realised that my feelings of incompetence and my self-esteem- which was already low when I first saw Edward in the school cafeteria- had only been exacerbated by both Edward and Jacob. From all the times Edward had made decisions without consulting or even asking me, like taking me to the prom, my sleepover, even the engagement and the wedding details that had been all been picked by Alice (although that, admittedly, had been my fault for caving in so easily), to all the 'gas-lighting' as Leah and Gabrielle had put it; how many times had I heard Jacob questioning my sanity for hanging out with Wolves and vampires, or Edward telling me that I was confused, irrational, or that I was 'being childish' or silly, making me second-guess my own thoughts and feelings? Making me feel incompetent without his guidance? Even after seeing Alice flee right after she showed me my cottage for the first time and I'd questioned whether I was really that bad, that ungrateful- which I now realise that I was? Edward may have been trying to reassure me, but I felt I'd been blinded. I was too easy to reassure. He played with me by putting me down gently, and then telling me what I'd wanted to hear.

Maybe I was childish and silly. But I see now that Edward wasn't helping me, any more than I was helping Renée to grow up. And neither was Jacob. And they were doing the exact same thing to my daughter: derailing her development by trying to make her feel incompetent without their aid and protection and making her feel guilty for wanting something else or for expressing something she felt when they thought it might go against their own judgement and wishes.

I knew Edward loved Renesmee- at least, I thought he did; but now that I thought about it, even that got pulled in the question.

I knew Edward was capable of lying and was good at it, unlike me. That he'd lied in order to protect me when he decided to break up with me after my birthday. Not only did it not work, but the amount of pain I'd felt stemmed not solely from getting my heart broken, but from any shred of confidence I had in myself, or my self-esteem, being ripped to shreds and stomped on when Edward had said "You're not good for me, Bella" and that I was holding him back, making him pretend that he was something he wasn't. He thought he had been doing the right thing, and maybe his heart was in the right place. But it had done more harm than good. He had manipulated me, knowing my personal feelings on insecurity when compared to all the Cullens, and my lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. And he was still doing it, to this day. Only now, instead of just doing it to me, he was doing it to my daughter.

And in the end, I ended the story with how I progressed throughout my pregnancy, Leah occasionally pitched in to describe Jacob's thoughts and feelings. It was surprising, but glancing into her eyes told me that she was beginning to ask the same questions about Jacob.

And so was Sue. And everybody else.

After we were finished, there was silence. Finally, Rosalie stood and walked to the window. For a long time, she said nothing, just watched the rushing of the river from a distance.

Finally, she spoke. "My parents wanted me to marry a man."

She turned around. "I wanted to marry him too. I'd been brought up to think that way, by them. As a girl I'd believed in fairytales, castles and beautiful princesses and the princes who would worship and spirit them away to live in their castle and make them queen. My parents encouraged those dreams, and as I grew they began to see that I would become very beautiful. They were ecstatic and proud. I got praised easily for my looks, and my parents were happy, so I became happy- and proud."

Rosalie took a deep breath. Her eyes met Nessie's. "I was twelve when grown men started noticing me when I passed by on the street. I was considered old enough to be noticed then, though not old enough to be married- yet." I saw Leah recoil in horror. I grimaced.

"I was trained and taught to keep house, to be a good homemaker. I went to school, but never received more than what people would call a basic education by today's standards. I never got a job, not a serious one. I never went to college until decades after I became a vampire. I was groomed, taught and trained to think that my greatest achievement was to find a nice rich man who would take care of me, preferably a handsome one, who had a great job and house. With my looks, I could afford someone who was more than just adequate." Rosalie laughed bitterly.

"I was well-brought up, my father had a stable job, even in the midst of the Great Depression and in a bank, no less. I had no idea how; I'd never even thought to ask, though I doubt that my father would have indulged me by answering." She sighed, shaking her head. "I lived in a fantasy world. And it was broken."

She took another breath. Her violet-blue eyes glazed with pain. "One day, my parents had a great idea. They found the right man to take care of me, to provide for me and my children with everything we could possibly want. Who would also, by extension, give my family some prestige and status. Some connections that could get them, particularly my father and two younger brothers, somewhere in life. Up the social ladder and into a corridor of job opportunities: doors thrown wide open for them. So, my mother conveniently forgot my father's lunch one day, and she insisted that I wear my white organza and roll up my hair, just to bring it to the bank."

Rosalie's eyes gleamed, though not with tears. Even though her eyes had reverted back to their human colour, she still couldn't cry. "It was the way it was done in those days. Royce King the Second was the richest and most eligible bachelor in Rochester. He was handsome enough to appear like every girl's dream. I didn't notice him at the time because he didn't approach me- everyone stared anyway. But soon afterwards, he started sending me flowers: roses for my name and violets because of my eyes.

"I barely knew him. We saw each other only on official events where he would hold out his arm, help me with my coat and open the car door. Either that or dates in public places or with someone watching over us, like his bodyguards. We were never alone together. He told me he didn't like champagne, but I never thought he'd prefer something stronger. He kissed me in front of the cameras and in front of adoring crowds, but not in private. Not like the way my friend Vera's husband kissed her. I was just caught up in the fairy-tale. I believed it was real.

And then one night when I walked home, I came across Royce and his friends dead drunk." She took a shaky breath. "I'll spare you the details of what they did to me, but afterward, they left me for dead, lying on the street. That was when Carlisle found me." Her eyes met his. Carlisle nodded sadly. "He tried saving me, but when it was obviously futile, he decided to change me." Rosalie sighed.

"I barely knew Royce. I didn't know who he was. And if I had married him, I would have found out his true colours later, rather than sooner. I would have regretted it for the rest of my life."

Esme spoke up. "You weren't the only one."

Her sad, honey-brown eyes met Renesmee's chocolate ones. "I had a very happy childhood in Ohio. My parents weren't cruel or anything. They cared for me. But when I wanted to move west to become a teacher- make a life of my own and teach children- my parents disagreed with my choices. They talked- no, pressured me to stay behind and get married. They did it because they didn't want to lose me." I flinched when she'd said that. "And they wanted me to be safe, well-cared for and protected, both financially and in terms of physical security, so I needed someone to look after me." I grimaced. "Besides, school-teachers didn't earn that much money, not then. And most of them were unmarried women, young eligible ladies or spinsters who didn't marry because they didn't have time for a family. So when would I be able to give them grandchildren? How would they know that I would be looked-after and kept safe once they were gone if I decided that teaching was to be my permanent position?" I winced.

"I resisted for some time until, when I was twenty-two, I caved in to their pleas. We met a nice-looking man who seemed pleasant and had a good career, just the kind of man parents wish their daughter would bring home someday. His name was Charles Evenson. I married him after less than a year of courting-" I winced again, like I'd been slapped "-and he turned out to be a monster.

"All the injuries, all the abuse. His drunkenness. Not just physical, but... emotional as you can say it now. Psychological, I suppose. All the verbal- not just threats, but..." Esme sighed. She closed her eyes. The pain on her lovely face, was excruciatingly painful to see on someone I'd grown to look up to, to see as a mother. "He would keep me in a vicious cycle. On some days, he would be nice to me. Kind. Wonderful. Remorseful, even, about his earlier actions. Full of self-hate and anguish at his own actions." I swallowed, hard. "At first, I believed him. Only years later did I see that that was a means to keep me under his thumb, his abuse." I recoiled and shrunk back in horror.

"My parents urged me to keep quiet about it. They couldn't risk the disgrace, the embarrassment, the humiliation of the horrors and failures of my private life being made public and their failure at finding a good husband for their daughter to be known to the community at large. Of course, this meant that divorce was not an option. I had to stay. He knew I had to stay, but I had become increasingly desperate. At some point, when he got too violent, I started running to my parents. They took me in, sheltered me but my father would not stand up to Charles. He always made excuses to prevent Charles from coming in to get me, but eventually, I knew- even without them making it clear to me- that I had to return to his house. My place was with Charles, they said. And at some point, he started locking me inside my room, hiding the car keys or even going so far as to sabotage the car so I wasn't able to flee to anyone. Even tying me to the bed, so I couldn't get away. I barely had any food or water to eat and drink. He would leave a loaf of bread and a bowl of water, or some scraps and a bottle of his liquor." Esme's face twisted in anguish. Carlisle moved over and took her other hand, placing his arm around her shoulders.

I sat frozen in horror.

"I was relieved when he was drafted into World War One. But when he came back, he was even worse. When I learned that I was pregnant, I knew I couldn't stay. Not only did I not want my baby to grow up with this man, under his thumb, or to turn into someone like him, but I was afraid, since Charles was also physically harmful to me, that he would do the same to our child. Maybe he would make me miscarry, or he could accidentally kill my baby if I had stayed, after he was born. Either way, this was not a good home, and I was under no illusions whatsoever that Charles, who was a terrible husband, could ever be a good father. Even if he had the money and the means to protect us. Who would protect us from Charles himself?

"I had to run away. I ran to my cousin in Wisconsin. When he found me, I fled again, this time to Ashland. I didn't want to hear any more of his excuses, his snivelling apologies which I'd learned was insincere, a ploy to bring me back or make me stay. Or maybe it was sincere, but it was something he really wouldn't put much effort in doing. His attempts at making things up to me and being a better husband always ended in failure, like with most abusers." I flinched as if struck.

"In Ashland, I pretended I was a war widow- no one would help a woman fleeing her husband at that time. Marriage was sacred and people who flee it, particularly women, had dubious morals and would never be accepted anywhere, including in jobs which enabled them to earn any sort of living. I became a school-teacher, just as I'd always dreamed." Esme smiled, for the first time since I'd started talking. "And then I gave birth to a boy..." she took a deep breath. "A boy who died two days after he was born. Lung fever."

I froze, remembering what Jasper said about how many babies and small children died before they reached adulthood in those days. I had heard what Esme had said. She'd told me that she'd jumped off the cliff after her son died, but I never knew the exact details. I never knew about Charles.

"I didn't have anything left to live for. Or so I felt. So, I jumped- right off that cliff." Renesmee's eyes were wide, and she gasped. Sue and Leah's faces were pale, and I was sure, even though I was already a vampire, that mine was going the same way.

"All my hopes and dreams, my reason to keep fighting for freedom- all of them, dashed. My love for my son gave me the strength to escape, regardless of what other people- including my parents- thought. Regardless of whether I had been scared that I might have nowhere to go and rejected by everybody in any community or society in general, or that he would find me. Anywhere was better than with Charles- for both of us. Charles was a monster but he gave me something- someone- to live for, to hope for. To fight for, because everything I did, everything I found the courage to do- I wanted to be a better parent to my child than my own parents. I wanted my child to never know the sheer and utter terror of knowing someone like Charles, or living in fear for his or her life, and that they would be able to have a happier life and a better future than I had. I wanted to escape, to do something with my life, yet the hope that my child would have a better life than I had..." Esme closed her eyes. If she were human, I was sure she would be crying. I felt my own throat choke up.

"So it was because of the prospect that my child and myself could have a better life, and because I didn't want either of us to suffer under Charles' thumb any longer, that I found my courage to escape- all so that he would have a better life and a better family- as did I. As he deserved to have."

Esme's eyes gleamed with venom in the place of tears. Carlisle too, looked pained. Sue looked at her with sympathy- a feeling no one would ever think would show on her face in regards with a vampire.

"So, when he died two days after birth, I asked myself, what was it all for? What was left for me? Who did I have? No family. No future. No legacy. That I had buried with my boy.

"When I was found, everyone thought I was already dead. Only Carlisle knew. He turned me."

Esme took a deep breath and reached out to take Renesmee's hand in her own. It startled me, somehow, the soft tenderness, the lovely warmth of her features. In that moment, even though they weren't biologically related, I could see that she was Renesmee's grandmother. It didn't matter what anyone would say. She was more of her grandmother than Renée. Her name might've come first, but I knew that I could trust Esme with my daughter. To keep her safe. To teach and to protect her. Even if I always trusted her to begin with when I wasn't in my right state of mind.

"I don't want you to become like me." She said quietly. "I knew that my parents had good hearts. That they loved me. Otherwise, they wouldn't have let me into the house when I was fleeing Charles, even though I had to come back. But it wasn't enough. I know that neither Jacob- nor Edward- are evil. But..." she sighed, then looked at me. "I'm starting to see patterns: with Royce and Charles in both Edward and Jacob." She looked at me. "And with me and Rose in you and Renesmee."

As the audience sat in horrified silence, Esme continued. "I would rather light my own pyre and rip myself to pieces before tossing them in, rather than say that- least of all about Edward. He is my son, even if he wasn't born to me, no matter how angry I am at him. And Jacob... we owe Jacob so much. He's protected us- protected you, Renesmee and Bella. But we have to face the facts: it's the truth. Edward is abusive. And so is Jacob. They certainly abused everybody's trust and took advantage of your mother and your own youth and inexperience. I know Edward has played with your guilt and feelings. And so has Jacob. They did it to both of you.

"We were wrong to accept the imprint." Her eyes met Sue's and Leah's. "I'm sorry. But while Jacob can keep her safe, can he keep her safe from himself?" Esme shook her head. "Emotionally? Psychologically? He's already shown that he could emotionally manipulate Bella- and he did. We can't trust either of them."

Sue looked conflicted.

"I would agree with you, one hundred percent," she confessed. "But what can we do? The traditions, the legends, everything says that they're soulmates." She looked torn.

"Soulmates?" Gabrielle spoke up. We turned. Suddenly, I realised that she'd listened to everything we said about the imprint. I cringed. This was going to look so bad to her.

But maybe she could help.

"What do you mean 'soulmates'?" She looked incredulous. "I have seen other species of Loup-Garoux- hereditary werewolves which are not lycanthropes who pass on their genes via infection- and they do have similar ways of finding mates."

Everyone was shocked.

"What?" Leah blurted.

"It's true. Loup-Garoux, also known as Homo Lupus. You are another evolutionary branch of humanity. Not Homo Sapiens, though you can interbreed and intermarry with them." Gabrielle explained. "There are a number of different species, each of them living in communities which are basically their packs. Always with an Alpha on the top, a lead male, and a Luna, a leading female."

"What?" Leah and Sue exclaimed at the same time.

Gabrielle nodded. "That is correct."

"But how can that be true?" Leah demanded. "Since I'm the only female of either Jacob's pack or Sam's-"

"What?!" Now it was Gabrielle's turn to be gobsmacked. "What do you mean... the only female?" For the first time since we'd met her, she looked well and truly flabbergasted. "How can there be- what, are there more males in your species than females?"

"Leah is the first female Wolf in our history." Sue said, her dark eyes disbelieving. "So far, there's been no other."

Gabrielle was completely shocked. "How can that be?" She whispered, aghast. "You would've been extinct by now, if that was truly the case."

Everybody stared.

"It's true." Gabrielle exclaimed. "I can call some Wolves from another pack. There's one in Vermont. And another species in New Orleans. And plenty of others, across the United States itself." Our eyes nearly popped out. Emmett's jaw dropped. Leah gaped. "They always have both males and females." She shook her head, incredulously. "I've never heard of a pack with only males or females. There is always an Alpha... and a Luna. A lead male and a leading female. King and queen. Chief and chieftess. They're usually a mated pair, but..." she shook her head. "It doesn't always turn out that way."

"The Luna in Vermont- her name's Vivian. Vivian Gandillon. Her family came fleeing from France amidst the werewolf hysteria in the fifteen-hundreds." I saw Carlisle's face light up. He seemed to recognise that specific date and something to do with werewolves there. The Volturi or some other vampires had probably told him something.

"They settled in New Orleans, Louisiana until they came into conflict with another species of Loup-Garoux." Gabrielle explained. "A chain of events led to three members, the Verdun triplets during the nineteenth century, breaking the taboo on human flesh." Everybody recoiled. "Unlike the carnivorous Lycanthropes who are typically bitten, have no sense of sentience while transformed, and usually require the full moon to phase- although some have evolved to become able to phase without the full moon or losing their minds, and some species of Lycanthrope can reproduce by breeding with each other- Loup-Garoux do not typically consume humans. They can, if they so wish, but it is a taboo. When the Verdun triplets broke the ban, they were severely punished and executed. The pack then fled to West Virginia where they merged with another pack which originated from Germany and just came from Pennsylvania. They were a different but similar enough species, so they intermarried and interbred, producing offspring who shared both species' traits and became one.

"In the nineteen-nineties, they were forced to flee again. Another chain of events led to five young wolf-boys, one of them named Axel, killing a human girl. Axel had killed her after she probably rejected him, according to Vivian. He was arrested as a suspect by the No-Maj authorities, but his friends killed another human girl to cover it up." Leah's eyes widened in horror. Sue stood as still as a statue.

"The Alpha at the time, Vivian's father Ivan Gandillon, was furious. When Axel was released, because the detectives couldn't find any concrete evidence linking the boy to the scene of the crime and since it simply looked like an animal attack, Ivan personally executed him." Sue, Bella and Esme inhaled sharply. "Their kind don't have prisons. And he was undoubtedly guilty. But Vivian, who was young at the time, pleaded with her father to give the other boys a chance, on account of their youth and their actions being borne out of desperation to keep not only Axel, but their pack's existence, a secret. So Alpha Ivan had set them a trial. They would undergo the 'trial of the fang', running down a narrow path with the rest of the pack in their wolf forms, chasing them. If they were caught, they would be killed. But all five managed to escape, and though they licked their wounds for weeks, some claimed that the Alpha let those boys off too lightly." Gabrielle shook her head.

"But someone from the town had already claimed to have witnessed Axel turn into a wolf and attack that girl, and some people had believed it. So, one night, the pack-members found their homes set on fire and attacked. Alpha Ivan had stayed behind to help them get away and been killed. Vivian and her mother survived. The remnants of the pack- then a total of five families- relocated to Maryland." Gabrielle grimaced. "They did their best to blend in. But they had to choose a new Alpha- and a new Luna. According to their species' tradition, the Alpha couple would be a mated pair. And by tradition, they would fight amongst themselves to see who would win and claim each title."

Gabrielle sighed. "Someone named Gabriel won and claimed the Alpha title. But a chain of events led to the pack almost being uncovered when a sore loser in the female's competition for the Luna position started killing human boys and fabricating and planting evidence to frame her rival. They discovered the truth and the criminal was executed. But the pack had to leave again, this time to Vermont." Gabrielle paused. "One human boy had discovered the secret, but couldn't kill the Wolf he knew, especially after he found out she was innocent after having suspected her after she revealed herself to him- they may have been romantically involved." Gabrielle grimaced. "I don't want to reveal any personal details. But Vivian pleaded for the pack to let him go, so they did, but not before they threatened him that should he ever breathe a word to anyone, or if the girl died after he had tried to kill her in a panic, then they would come for him." Everyone shuddered. "They relocated to Vermont, and they've been there since." Gabrielle's eyes met Leah's.

"There may be differences between your species, but there would also be strong similarities." She paused. Gabrielle looked thoughtful. "Vivian, who is now the Luna of the pack, told me that Loup-Garoux cannot breed with humans. But various members of other species claimed to me that they can, in some cases. There have been hybrids or, in some species, full wolves born to one human parent." Her brow furrowed. "But I've never heard of a pack that is predominantly male. In Luna Vivian's pack, I even saw triplets who were all female. Her sisters-in-law." Everyone blinked.

"Triplets, quadruplets even, whole litters are not unheard of, although most Loup-Garoux usually give birth to one baby at a time." Gabrielle confessed. "I can't reveal exact details about the different species' biology, not to outsiders, especially not to vampires but even to members of other packs." She looked at Leah. "Vivian's a mother now. She and Gabriel married and mated." She frowned, thinking. "She had the one child, a girl. Vivian..." she sighed. "No, it's personal. Sorry, but I can't tell."

"But..." Leah hesitated. "They give birth?" When Gabrielle nodded, she asked, hesitantly, "They imprint?"

Gabrielle sighed. "Again, I must stress that I cannot give out any personal details, but many Loup-Garoux species do have ways of finding suitable candidates for potential mates. Both male and female. It's generally called the Pull: a means of determining and finding one's mate- or rather potential mates; the ones most likely to be best suited for you personally as well as to produce your offspring. It differs in every species of Loup-Garou, but your imprinting seems to be a variation of it. Hence the reason that I know you're all part of the same kind, even if you are a different species."

Leah's eyes were the size of dinner platters. She and her mother gasped. Sue started breathing sharply. "It's necessary, yes, for the continuation of the species." Gabrielle informed them, slowly. "But that is what they are: potential mates. I personally don't know whether that happened with Alpha Gabriel and Luna Vivian, but the wolf-couples I've interviewed and studied- whom I shall be keeping anonymous according to my promises and their wishes to respect their privacy-" everyone who wasn't overly stupefied by the new information nodded in agreement "-have told me that things don't always work out between them."

As pure, unadulterated shock permeated her audience, Gabrielle gave us all a few seconds to absorb this, before going on: "It's a strong emotional connection, and always mutual. No more than one Loup-Garou has ever felt the Pull for the same person, and certainly never for more than one at the same time. But there is no guarantee that things will work out between them, purely according to their innate nature, their inborn biological instincts. Merlin, I've heard of human couples who part ways even though they're still in love- like your parents-" she nodded to me "because they either jumped into something they have no idea what they are getting into-" the knot in my stomach seemed to grow more uneasy "-or because they were simply not ready, or because they didn't know the other person all that well. Or because they merely thought they were in love with the other person when it's just passion or a strong infatuation that faded and died with time. It's the same for them, since they're sentient beings, after all. Even in their wolf form they are sentient, unlike the majority of Lycanthropes. And with no fail-safe way... Goodness, even within immortals, marriages can turn sour, or love can be unrequited. It's tragic, but it's true.

"There's no guarantee that the person whom your body's biological instincts and mind pull you towards will undisputedly turn out to be your one true love, your soulmate, especially if you've only just met and barely know one another. Whether it's the human love at first sight phenomenon or something purely biological ingrained within your instincts..." Gabrielle shook her head.

"Yes, it is likely that their instincts pull them towards someone who is not only biologically compatible with them, to produce healthy offspring who will continue to evolve down the line, but also to someone who is emotionally and mentally compatible with the individual Wolf, as they are supposed to be raising offspring together. But..." Gabrielle shook her head. "She's a child. She's a smart child, but still a child. Did anyone ask her what she actually wanted when Jacob imprinted? Did she have a choice? Does she have one now?"

No one spoke. None of us could even look her in the eye. Then Gabrielle spoke, softly this time. "There is no guarantee that the Pull- even when it is mutual- will end happily. Some of the Wolves I've interviewed admitted that they had felt 'the Pull' a few times before they finally settled on one person, worked on the relationship with said-person, and then married and mated with them." Everyone's eyes widened and Leah's jaw dropped.

"It has always mutual, the Pull which brings potential mates together, both male and female- but it doesn't always end happily for each couple. Some couples have parted ways, mostly before they officially tied the knot. Sometimes- most of the time really- it takes more than one turn to do the trick and to find someone that you can settle into a long-term or permanent relationship with." Leah's face showed complete and utter shock.

"And even then, there's no guarantee. Because they cannot simply rely on the Pull to solve all their issues and determine that this is nothing less than true love. The Pull only points you towards potential- and likely- mates. But it's up to the couples themselves to make things work." Sue inhaled in shock.

"Like with all relationships, including human ones, they have to work on it. Some have even needed marriage counselling and therapy, like regular humans. And unfortunately, there is such a thing as abusive relationships, even amongst Wolves.

"But the 'Pull' or 'imprinting' which is your version of things, also known as the 'Moon's Pull, 'the Moon's Draw,' 'the Moon's Gravity' or 'being Moonstruck' according to them- there's quite a lot of ways to call it- can happen quite a bit. More than once, oftentimes, within each Wolf. Every species has a different way of experiencing it. In the now-Vermont-based pack, it's a relatively recent thing. They've only recently evolved, both biologically and mentally, to feel and sense that pull towards eligible potential mates. It's not as strong, but it's getting stronger. My estimation is that it will be around four generations for it to get itself up and running, and function as it does with the other species.

"But within another pack based in the Appalachians Mountains-" Sue and Leah's eyes had grown even wider than they already were "they already have a large and diverse population and, consequently, a gene pool that affords each Wolf variety for potential mates so they can produce healthy offspring without the complication that inbreeding gives to them. Or they can find mates in within other species and communities. Their sense of Pull is based on scent. When the kids reach the peak of puberty, during their teenage years, they begin to experience it for the first time. You see, in Loup-Garoux, I discovered that hormones, including those of puberty, are extremely strong- much stronger than in humans, so they seem more passionate in their emotions, and each of their body's biological instincts to mate." Leah cringed, revulsion and déjà vu, on her lovely features. I could see that it horrified and appalled her yet... it somehow seemed to make sense. I blinked. "In the Appalachians pack, when they have finished puberty, each Wolf-teen starts giving off pheromones that are specifically designed to attract the best potential mate whom they have the best chance of producing and raising offspring together with, as well as getting along personally. It's a specific chemical-composition that is designed to attract only one other Wolf-teen of the same age group, who will also find the other's scent appealing." Sue and Leah gasped.

"As I've said, the pack is quite large, so there is quite a variety of potential mates to choose from, but no one is under any illusions that any of those teens are going to be marrying and mating any time soon, even though technically, Wolves physically mature much faster than humans."

"That's true," Leah murmured, exotic dark eyes wide with realisation. "When our gene triggers and we start phasing, we all get growth spurts." Sue snorted.

I remembered Jacob telling me- after my embarrassing outburst about being 'the only one not aging'- that he was physically around twenty-five years of age- that was last year.

"Yes, that's right." Gabrielle nodded. "Loup-Garou pregnancies last somewhere between six to seven months, depending on the species." Leah and Sue's eyes just about popped out of their skulls and their jaws came crashing. "And carrying multiple foetuses usually makes the pregnancy progress a lot faster. Babies typically start phasing when they're one or two years of age." She said, one eyebrow raised and concern on her beautiful face at Sue and Leah's astonishment and disbelief. "It's true. They progress faster too, both mentally and physically, emotionally- there's a debate with that because of the raging hormones, and even they wouldn't overestimate a teenager or a child's mental and emotional maturity- but physically they become adults around the time they are in their mid to late teens.

"But even those that do end up together once they reach adulthood- there is such a thing as childhood sweethearts even in human couples, after all- don't do it at once or can even split up and take some time apart, focus on their own individual growth and needs- explore what they want in life. Discover themselves. See the world, even, just like humans do." Leah swallowed. I could see her eyes turn misty. Sue looked... like she'd been sucker-punched in the gut.

"But not every teenage Wolf couple grows up to end up with each other for good. Many don't. The teens have to, well, do the typical things that their human counterparts do." Gabrielle said, shrugging. "Dating, getting to know one another, meeting parents who set up boundary rules, school and homework, seeing and spending time their other friends, exploring their options in life and discovering what they want and need in their lives. College and careers, along with Wolf training, even if they do it at a slightly different pace than humans." Leah's eyes were wide in horrified anguish. Gabrielle seemed bewildered as to why she would look this way. "And things don't always work out between them. Most choose to part ways, in the end. But it doesn't mean that, if after a while and neither of them are still together, having decided to mate once those teens have matured into adults, that it won't happen again. In fact, it will keep happening until you find the right person and decide to settle into a long-term or permanent relationship with the significant other, and you mate. If you still stay together then you won't feel the pull again.

"And while divorce is far scarcer for them than in humans- even magical ones like my kind- it doesn't mean that it can't happen. Especially if, say, someone turns out to be abusive, whether physically or mentally and emotionally, like Jacob and Edward-" her beautiful face darkened as she said this "-being as manipulative as you say they were, then it's obvious that staying with them is not the right choice. Not just for the victim, but for the abuser themselves." Leah inhaled sharply. Otherwise, she seemed frozen, even to my eyes.

It was understandable: she just had her world turned upside down the way it had been first when Sam phased for the first time, ran away, disappeared in her eyes, refused to tell her anything and then broke her heart to be with someone who was her sister in all respects. And then again, when she phased for the first time and witnessed her father die because of the shock and when Leah and found out the real reasons as to why Sam and Emily happened and what went on between them, as well as having been forced to stay and witness for herself, in the minds of the pack, what had actually happened from their own personal memories, including Sam's, what it was like, and what Sam felt for Emily now and how she was constantly in his thoughts... That and the fact that she still had to stick around both of them and had her own personal details aired in front of a group of guys- a large group of guys- who weren't supposed to know anything private about her but had to because they communicated through thoughts. I cringed. It was a nightmare scenario that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

It was no wonder that Leah reacted the way she did, how bitter she became. How she, according to Edward, kept dwelling on the other Wolves' personal details, like Embry's parentage, when they did the same with her. And didn't Jacob openly tell me what happened between Sam, Leah and Emily? Minus the bit about Harry's death? I wasn't even a part of the tribe, nor did Jacob imprint on me, nor did any other Wolf, so was I supposed to know?

I winced, more in shame than anything. I should've told Jacob to shut up when he started telling me, but I was too curious, too nosy for my or anyone else's own good. And Edward... Edward telling me that Leah didn't deserve my sympathy for the way she reacted made me suddenly realise just how judgmental he was, even critical. Overly critical, as a matter of fact, of everything and everyone.

I only needed to look back on all the time we've spent together when I heard his opinions and his judgments about everyone else's private thoughts and their doings to see that. But didn't Gabrielle say that what Edward did when he heard and saw other people's thoughts was only a small portion of what witches and wizards do with their version of telepathy- Legilimency? He certainly admitted to me, long before, that while he was able to hear and see more than one person's thoughts at the same time, he couldn't go in-depth and see or hear another person's thoughts and memories in detail, the way Aro did, though he could only do one person at a time.

And now, as if we didn't have enough shocks, it turned out that imprinted couples were not necessarily soulmates, if what Gabrielle was saying was true. And somehow, even though we had known each other for only a short amount of time, I did not doubt her the slightest.

Although that was probably because I was so used to being lied to or left out of the loop by Edward that I appreciated Gabrielle's honesty and facts which were delivered without bias or her own opinions about how things should be. She only gave her personal opinions when we asked for them and never tried to make us do anything. I suspected that, until she told us about her sister, she had kept her opinions to herself, but felt that we simply needed to hear another person's point of view. Then there was the way she emphasised on making certain everyone's privacy would be respected, even my own and my daughter's, along with the rest of the Cullens. Even all these Wolf-couples that she'd undoubtedly interviewed for her research. And she asked us to decide and choose for ourselves, without trying to impose any of her opinions on the options, on any of us. Even when she told us her sister's story and gave her advice, she made it clear that it was up to us to decide whether or not we should take it.

It wasn't just that I found it refreshing; I discovered that I liked Gabrielle. I respected her.

I felt I could trust her.

And the tragedy was that wasn't that way with Edward- with my husband. Or with Jacob, whom I called my best friend. I truly was a fool.

"Even if they felt the Pull towards one another but are found not to be personally compatible in the end, and are certainly not able to be a healthy and functioning couple enough to raise healthy and happy offspring..." Gabrielle shook her head. "Then they can leave. And eventually feel the Pull again after a length of time until they find the right person and are able to build a happy, functioning relationship with them, with trust and respect, as much as love and care. Same as human marriages. Extreme circumstances would have to happen in order for divorce to occur, like abuse of any kind, including emotional abuse and abuse of trust. Although, usually when Loup-Garoux find the right mates for both individuals and they develop a good and functioning relationship that they can settle into for life, they tend to stay that way permanently, even if the other person dies. Once they've evolved enough, that is, and have sufficient members in each species." She added as an afterthought. "And only then will it be permanent. They remain in love for life, even after one partner dies. Only then can they be considered- by themselves as well as outsiders- true soulmates."

I couldn't breathe. It... everything Gabrielle said seemed to contradict what Jacob had told me, what Billy and the others said about imprinting, and what they believe and yet...

Once again, I was doomed to see sense only when it seemed too late.

"The Pull happens because... well, Loup-Garoux, like ordinary wolves, can miscarry or even birth stillborn young quite a fair bit." Everyone winced at that. "Or the babies can die soon after. Besides, like the pack now based in Vermont, they can be chased and hunted. The Alpha couple of the ones known as the Crescent Pack based in New Orleans, well, I heard they were murdered along with their baby daughter." Everyone winced. "An internal rivalry: there were two families who claimed both the Alpha and the Luna titles. They targeted the baby because they feared she would grow up and pose a threat to whoever wanted control of either the pack or the territory they occupied. Life's harsh if you're a werewolf, whether you are a Lycanthrope who is bitten and infect others to reproduce, or a Loup-Garoux who is born, like you..." Gabrielle shook her head. "You need to breed, to continue the species. And your 'imprinting' does suggest a strong drive, a pull, something within your mind and your biological instincts, that needs you to mate and continue the species. The same as the rest of your kind.

"That's why I'm beyond shocked that you are the only female in your particular species. It contradicts everything about the physiology, biology, mentality and culture of all Loup-Garoux, no matter their origins, and the slight cultural and biological differences between each species. Unless your pack- which, I'm starting to believe is as isolated to the rest of your kind as the Cullens' species are from the rest of the vampires-" Gabrielle trailed off as her eyes wandered to us "- is completely different somehow. But based on what you tell me about imprinting, I have a very valid reason to doubt that. You imprint for the same reasons as the other Loup-Garoux: to mate with the right person so that you can produce offspring who will be stronger, faster, fitter and healthier, and who will possess even sharper senses and better instincts and reflexes than their predecessors, continuing the evolutionary change. And to raise them in a happy, functioning home with good parents who have a healthy and happy relationship with each other, since it is better for all offspring to grow up mentally and emotionally healthy. Because these are the future generations who are more likely to survive and produce even-better offspring, even whilst hunted and on the run- because..." Gabrielle's violet-blue eyes looked solemn and grim as she gazed into Leah's. "You will be. Or in the very least, you may very well be. If the humans find out... your pack is just as much a suspect as the vampires here if anything strange happens."

Leah's jaw dropped. "But we don't hunt humans!" She burst out, leaping to her feet. "We-" she trailed off.

I knew what she was thinking: it was the same conclusion as I'd come to, as the rest of us, I suspected. The humans, who don't even know any of us existed, vampire or Wolf, certainly wouldn't know whether some vampires were 'vegetarians' or whether the Quileute Wolves were guardians and protectors of humanity. The secret history about Taha Aki and his children wasn't in any of the Quileute books and stories they told people visiting the reserve. And even if they did would they care? Or would they not think that it was worth taking the risk?

There was a reason why we were all hidden. And why we would always have to remain hidden.

Gabrielle looked at Leah in sympathy. "I don't think they'll care to even take the risk." She admitted. "If they can't study, keep a track of or imprison you, and control you, they will see all of you as a threat to public safety. Their safety. And what they perceive to be their sense of control over this world. Even if you claim that it's genocide- which it is- they'll simply point out that you are not human, and therefore the International Declaration of Human Rights does not refer to you. At least not fully. Homo Lupus, Leah. Not Homo Sapiens."

Leah sat back down, as if automatic. Her face was blank with shock. "Oh my God," Sue whispered.

I couldn't blame them. I was almost in as much shock. Sue and Leah's faces were masks of pure horror as they absorbed what Gabrielle was telling them. Few in this room could scarcely breathe.

"That's why it doesn't make sense for Jacob to imprint upon Renesmee, much less call her his 'soulmate'. Firstly, because she's a child. As precocious, a prodigy and fast in her development as she is, she is not on the same page as him in terms of mental, emotional and physical development and capacity. And she won't be, at least not for a long time. Besides, there could always be a chance that even when she is grown and mature enough to mate, they will be at different stages of their lives: Jacob will be ready and want to settle down. Renesmee will want to have fun, expand her horizons and see the world without someone constantly looking over her shoulder- that's a problem many Wolf-teens who've felt the Pull, especially for their first time- have encountered. Even grown Loup-Garoux have that kind of trouble. It's hard to do whatever you wish and to be free and explore your boundaries and horizons when you have someone constantly looking over your shoulder, always getting over-protective and jealous at every person who touches you even by handshakes, always insisting that they carry things for you or carry you around."

Now that she mentioned it, I grimaced. It sounded exactly what Edward did to me, and what Jacob was doing to Renesmee- and what every Wolf seemed to be doing to their imprints. Now I knew why Renesmee wanted to be on her own so much and was increasingly reluctant to spend time with Jacob. I remembered seeing Sam and Emily, Jared and Kim by the campfire in La Push before I turned. I used to think that it was romantic, now I'm starting to wonder if it chafed any of them. Emily and Kim- and Rachel now- may have loved their imprinters but it didn't mean that- like Nessie, and probably Claire someday- they didn't want personal space and freedom, or at least autonomy, to do what they wished.

And judging by the look on Leah's face, it was something she'd also just realised- and found potentially disturbing, or even distasteful. Sue too, looked disturbed.

"Or they may turn out to be personally incompatible in terms of emotions and mentality." Gabrielle continued. "How do we know for certain what she will be like in twenty years' time? Or that she will want or need the same things then as she does now? I doubt even she knows- no child does. Not even those who possess the Sight." Her eyes drifted to Alice. "I mean, is it really fair to ask her to move from her parents' house and straight to Jacob's without even asking what she wants, in the first place? Nor considering that she may want something- or someone- different? People change. She may even like Jacob at some point, but she will not be the exact same person as she is now when she is a woman. Just as you are not the exact same at age eight as opposed to eighteen." Gabrielle insisted.

"Secondly, this isn't a mutual Pull or Draw between the two of them. I know this for a fact because, not only is she half-vampire and half-human, Wolves don't instinctively start seeking out potential mates until they have reached at least peak of puberty, or better yet, if they are full adults. And they typically tend to go for someone of the same age group. It's the same for both males and females. They wouldn't even do it once they have merely started puberty or are still progressing, as fast as Loup-Garou puberty goes. And it is always mutual. There is no point in pursuing or feeling one's instincts pull you towards someone who has the smallest chance of not even wanting to be with you in the end. And which person- of any race or species- can put their hands on their heart and swear on their own lives and the lives of their loved ones that they like all the same things as a young child that they do as an adult? That they are the exact same person? Possess the same wants and needs at even eighteen as opposed to twenty-eight or thirty-eight? Or forty-eight and fifty-eight?"

I wasn't the only one who winced.

"Even if they claim to be there and do whatever and be whatever the other person wishes, how do they know that they themselves are what that person wants or needs, likes or even can be compatible with once they have reached adulthood? People change. They do not remain the same and no one- NO ONE- knows precisely how the child will turn out as an adult, not even the child themselves. The little girl who dreams about being a princess and marrying a prince to go and live in a castle may grow up to be an accountant, a lawyer, an Olympic athlete or even an Astronaut who is either homosexual or asexual." We all winced again. "Who has different tastes, wants and needs. Someone who may not want children or is physically infertile, especially if they are human. It's too early to tell. And what will her 'soulmate' do then when the one person that he has staked his entire future and happiness on being with does not even feel attracted to him physically? Much less, feel anything romantic for him? What will he do if, regardless of whether he does his best or tries his hardest, it is completely impossible for him to be what she wants or needs, or to give her just that?"

The room settled into a deadly silence. Gabrielle had just spoken a truth which no one wanted ever thought to voice, no one wanted to hear. But at what cost? I thought, panicking. It wasn't just Renesmee- as blurry as my human memories were, I remember Jacob telling me that Quil imprinted on a two-year-old, Emily's niece. I cast a glance at Leah, and I could see that she was panicking. Sue's face was so pale, she looked like she could faint.

Had we... had we all gotten it wrong completely, so much that Claire and Renesmee's lives could be ruined? Or utterly destroyed? A pair of girls- babies even- who had their entire lives, potential futures and free wills completely taken away from both of them? I remembered Jacob asking- rhetorically- why Claire wouldn't choose Quil in the end. What if she turned out to be a lesbian?

How could we not have seen this? How could I not even have pointed it out to Jacob when he told me?! Was I that blind? Did I truly think that there was nothing better than to possess blind and everlasting love, even if you have to get rid of all your choices and future to get it?

Edward hadn't been too bothered by the fact that she now had a 'soulmate' or even because she was going to marry his one-time rival, Jacob. It was the fact that she was a baby when Jacob had imprinted, which was extreme even by the standards of his day when people were allowed to get married at sixteen. Having his daughter's future set in stone from the moment of her birth was not something that would've caused a big issue in his day. But I should've known better.

As I reeled back in horror, shock and disgust at my own stupidity, Gabrielle continued.

"Thirdly..." Gabrielle took a deep breath. She looked at Renesmee in sympathy.

"She's a Dhampir. They are usually sterile. They cannot reproduce, at least not without difficulty. She is certainly not biologically compatible with your kind- not enough to produce offspring."

WHAM! Well, some of you have already thought of that possibility. Or impossibility. Depending on how you look at it. Sorry for the pathetic cliff-hanger last chapter, but that was because Bella's ability for prophetic dreams may be more important than simply being a plot device like in canon.

I have an explanation saved for later for Bella's dreams about Edward and Jacob- seeing them as they secretly are or will be before she sees for herself. Vivian Gandillon, Gabriel, her family and her pack comes from Blood and Chocolate by Annette Curtis Klause, not the film adaptation of the novel. It was published in the 1990s, long before Twilight. The author also wrote another novel about a girl who fell in love with a vampire, only she decided to do things differently to Bella in the end. The Crescent Pack is mentioned in the Vampire Diaries sequel, the Originals. I'm certain that you also caught my mention of them when Gabrielle tells the Cullens- and Jacob- about Esther, Mikael and their children, though she never mentioned them by name. The baby daughter- whom we all know now is actually alive and well- is Hayley Marshall, born Andrea Labonair, the mother of Hope Mikaelson. However, since this takes place before the timeline of the Originals, much less Legacies, Hope hasn't been conceived yet.

It's all connected. But if you want my explanations, you'll just have to wait.