First mate's log:

June 7, 1974

A couple weeks ago, Bobby told me he beat Mr. Howell at pool. They bet gum instead of money, but Bobby now has a money-making scheme. He's ordered two dozen bottles of Neat & Natural hair tonic. They cost him $1 each but he can sell them for $2 each. He thinks he can sell a million bottles and become a millionaire. I decided not to point out that even if this was the best hair tonic in the world, he'd have to sell multiple bottles to the thousands of people who live on the local islands.

And, OK, yes, I agreed to buy a bottle when they arrive. I remember what a tough time he had when he was selling magazines. I don't plan to actually use the tonic though, because I still remember when my hair turned white and then fell out because of laundry detergent.

Carol Brady's diary:

June 8, 1974

Greg is going to graduate in a week! I know, he's grown up so fast. He's planning to go to Blenford Community College, but he's not sure yet about whether he'll move out or keep living here. Yes, Marcia of course wants to move up to the attic, but she may have to wait.

I'm very proud of Greg. He's not valedictorian, but he is at the top of his (admittedly small) graduating class. And he's achieved so much, and become a fine young man. (Well, I wish he wasn't a bit of male chauvinist, but he has gotten better.)

June 9, 1974

We're not quite sure how much longer Mary Ann has to go, maybe two weeks. She's decided she wants to go to the hospital on Blenford, rather than have a home birth with one of the doctors here. It's her first baby and she's nervous. I'll support whatever she wants, because I'm kind of scared about the whole thing, now that it's so close.

June 10, 1974

Greg was modeling his cap and gown for me and Alice today. (He looks so tall now! Well, not as tall as Mike, yet.) Then Bobby came in. He's got some nutty scheme to sell hair tonic! Yes, in this day and age, when young people, and not so young people, are growing out their hair. And even if hair tonic were more popular, why would people buy it from a twelve-year-old door-to-door salesman? I could see the magazine-selling, although even that didn't go well. Also, I'm dubious about the Neat and Natural company, because how do we even know if this stuff works, or is safe?

Still, I'll give this a few days. He'll soon see that he is not going to become a millionaire as easily as he thinks.

June 11, 1974

Cindy told me that Bobby has inspired her to try to make a lot of money, too. She bought two rabbits from Kirby's Pet Store on Blenford. She hopes to sell the baby rabbits back to Mr. Kirby, although she hasn't discussed that with him yet. No, I didn't offer to buy baby bunnies. I mean, I love animals, but I don't want to get any pets when Mary Ann and I are going to have a baby human in the house. I wished her luck of course.

And, yeah, I did buy a bottle of hair tonic from Bobby, but I just poured it down the sink after he left.

June 12, 1974

Bobby got discouraged about selling door-to-door, since the only bottle he sold was to Gilligan, who probably felt sorry for him. Even though I'm wary of the product, I try to discourage my children from quitting things without really giving them a chance. So I gave him a pep talk and he's going to keep trying awhile longer.

Meanwhile, Cindy is breeding rabbits in the laundry room! It's her own money-making scheme. At least she won't be selling them door-to-door. She hopes to sell the baby bunnies back to the pet shop where she bought two adult rabbits. I'm not crazy about this plan either, but she has taken on the responsibility for however many rabbits she ends up with.

June 13, 1974

Oliver told me that he was Bobby's assistant salesman, making ten cents per bottle of hair tonic. Unfortunately, they sold only two bottles. The other was to Greg, and it turned his hair orange! Oliver was relieved when I said I hadn't tried the hair tonic yet.

Bobby couldn't check on me because he's on the run from Greg. When Peter came in for his shift, he confirmed about Greg's hair and said Greg looks ridiculous, "like a male Lucille Ball."

Now Oliver is Cindy's assistant, since the rabbits haven't caused any trouble yet. Well, he does have to clean their cage, but that's still better than facing Greg's anger. (Greg likes red hair on girls, but not on himself, especially not when he'll have his graduation in a couple days.)

June 14, 1974

I knew I shouldn't have let Bobby sell that hair tonic! Well, not that he sold much of it, but it turned Greg's hair completely orange! Greg tried washing it out but the dye seems permanent. Greg was furious at Bobby, but I calmed him down some, since Bobby didn't do this deliberately.

I called information, but the Neat & Natural company went out of business. Mike has been very busy this week, so I didn't discuss the children's money-making schemes with him much. But he did reach his contacts at the Better Business Bureau, who said that the hair tonic company was shut down by the FDA. There won't be any serious side effects, in terms of health, but Greg doesn't find that very comforting.

Since his graduation ceremony is tomorrow, I decided we need to do something quickly. I did consider asking Ginger for a wig from the studio, but I figured the fewer people who knew about Greg's hair the better. Plus, it would be hard to find a wig that matched Greg's hair on such short notice.

I considered buying black hair dye, but I decided this was a job for professionals. Greg had called in sick of course, but since it was the last day of school, all he missed was yearbook-signing and things like that. However, the earliest appointment I could get was at 3 p.m., over on Blenford, since we don't have a beauty parlor on this island.

Greg obviously wasn't crazy about going to a beauty salon, but we didn't really have any other choice. He insisted on wearing a ski hat. He ran into two of his classmates while I was requesting a dye job in the back room, out of prying eyes. Both girls swore to keep his secret, which was sweet of them.

The beautician did a wonderful job of matching Greg's natural color and you'd never know it was a dye job. The Neat & Natural mess can grow out over the summer, and Greg thinks he might even get a crewcut, which is hard to picture. In any case, he's definitely looking forward to his graduation now.