Here's the moment everyone has been waiting for. Enjoy
Vaggie had to restrain herself from stabbing every bastard and joder in the studio as they laughed at Charlie. "A fucking rehabilitation center … in hell … OOHH TOO MUCH!" That mantis bitch Katie Killjoy pounded on the table while Charlie continued to look uncomfortable. "Please, everyone knows that rehab is only for washed up losers and celebrities whenever they loose their shit in public!"
"That's not the point at all.." Charlie lowly muttered.
"It kind of is!" Tom Trench shouted as he laughed. "I mean, it's gotta be the dumbest thing anyone on this show has said. Ever!"
"Definitely dumber than anything Tom's said!"
"You know it's dumb when I don't even disagree with this bitch!" Why did Charlie think getting on this show was a good idea?
"It's freaking HELL, dumbass!" Katie cackled more as she broke the counter with her longer fingernails. "What in the seven circles makes you think a single denizen would give two shits about being a better person!? No one does!"
Vaggie growled more.. because some deep part of her agreed. Hell was meant for the worst of the worst. The evil, the vile, the deranged…
But Charlie wasn't that. She wasn't even a sinner, she was a hellborn royal. Out of anyone in hell that had a right to be evil, Charlie was it … But she wasn't. She chose to be a good person. "I think … I just need to switch the medium." The girl smiled. "Dazzle, Razzle!"
Wait.. why would she need… oh no.. "Charlie, wait..!"
"This will surely get my message across more clearly!"
"Charlie, don't do it-!"
"I have a dream, I'm here to tell…!" Her girlfriend belted out her lovely but at the moment unwanted singing voice. "About a wonderful fantastic new hotel!"
"Stupid bitch." The camera man snorted, making Vaggie shoved him to the side.
"Yes, it's one of a kind, right here in Hell! Catering to a specific clientele!"
"Ooooh!" Razzle and Dazzle sang in unison on a piano.
Vaggie groaned. "I asked her to not sing." The things she did for love.
"Inside of every demon is a rainbow." Charlie smiled as she ran around to every demon she could find. "Inside every sinner is a shiny smile." She made mouths smile by pulling them up."
"Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac, Is a jolly, happy, cupcake-loving child." She handed a serial killer a cupcake and patted him on the head.
"We can turn around, they'll be heaven bound!" She smiled smugly at Kattie Killjoy as the spotlight hit her. "With just a little time down at the Happy Hotel!"
"Charlie, stop and maybe we can salvage-!"
So, all you junkies, freaks and weirdos, creepers, fuck-ups, crooks and zeroes!" Charlie began using her powers as the tune became more rock oriented, her girlfriend speaking far faster than before. "And downfallen superheroes, help is here." She placed a cape onto a supervillain, who blinked in confusion at the costume change.
"All of you cretins, sluts and losers, sexual deviants and boozers." She ran around, smiling and pointing to each demon. "And prescription drug abusers, need not fear!" She grabbed the drugs of a random demon, who cried in sadness and withdraw
"Forever again, we'll cure your sin!" She strapped that last guy onto a bench. "We'll make you well, you'll feel so swell!" And injected him with a substance that forced him to smile. "Right here in Hell at the Happy Hotel!" Not exactly the picture they were trying to convey.. the girl was getting too into the song.
"There'll be no more fire and no more screams.." the melody slowed down as Charlie hopped on a cloud. "Just puppy dog kisses and cotton candy dreams!" As childish as it sounded.. that was about eighty percent accurate to how heaven really was. "And puffy-wuffy clouds, you're gonna be like, wow! Once you check in with me…..!"
Vaggie slammed her face with her palms, knowing that the song was about to wrap up, and the crowd was not going to take it well.
"So, all your cartoon porn addictions, vegan rants, psychic predictions, Ancient Roman crucifixions end right here!" Charlie admittedly did have more lung capacity than Saint Peter and most of the other angels.
"All you monsters, thieves and crazies, cannibals and crying babies! Frothing mouth is full of rabies, filled with cheer!" She went on, giving them all cotton candy.
"You'll be complete, it'll be so neat! Our service can't be beat, you'll be on easy street, yes! Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel………..!" Fireworks went off as for a brief second, Charlie shows off her real demon form "Yeah!"
There was silence in the air as no one knew what to say.. while Vaggie was counting down the seconds for the other shoe to drop. "Five, four, three.."
"Wow!" A demon that looked like a animated hat in an old timey cartoon grinned with pleasure. "That was shit!" And the laughter continued anew. Vaggie was going to grab her spear.
Moxxie looked at the fallen state of Blitz as he laughed along with what sounded like most of hell given the sounds of laughter from both the studio and out in the streets. "Hahahahahahahabahaaaah, that pasty ass bitch is actually serious about this hahaahahahahahaha! Oh man, oh my Satan this is just too good!"
"… I can actually hear the echo effect from all the laughing." Loona noted, gazing out the window.
"To be fair, it is kind of funny." Millie snickered. "It's basically the opposite of our job. We send humans to hell, and she wants to send sinners to heaven."
"She does seem like she has good intentions.." Iruma looked at the screen curiously as he stared at the wincing girl. "But … her plan ... it seems a bit off."
"Why, because you realized the fuckers won't stop killing?" Blitz asked.
"No, it's just… why would she think sinners would want to go to heaven?" The boy responded. "Aside from Emily, who was decent enough to apologize, everything I've heard about heaven and suggests they're all jerks… and angels just tried to kill us." Iruma asked.
"I think that's the point." Moxie suggested. "She thinks if she gets them up there, they won't die down here."
"Hah, that'll be the day." Loona rolled her eyes.
"-besides, you don't even have proof this little kindergarten after school project would even work! Nobody in their fucking minds would volunteer for a shit pansy scam like this!"
"It's not a scam, and for your information, we do have a patron!" The princess smiled proudly. "Just a little known guy named.. Angel Dust."
"The porn star!?" Tom shouted proudly.
"Of course you'd be excited, fag." Kattie scoffed.
"Why would she call him a bundle of sticks?" Iruma asked.
"It's an insult to homosexuality because some people are intolerant pricks who can't comprehend a heart's desire and refuse to reform to the reality beyond their own inflated ego." Moxxie growled, getting some uncomfortable flashbacks.
"… So you're gay?" Iruma looked to Millie. "But.."
"Bisexual." He corrected.
"Ah, that makes sense."
"Whatever! That's not even an accomplishment. You could get that hooker to do anything for some booger sugar and lube!"
"Shows what you know." The princess grinned. "He's been clean, polite, and out of trouble for two weeks now."
Tom raised a hand to an earpiece. "This just in, more information on the fight between Sir Pentious and Cherrie Bomb."
"Umm … isn't this still an interview about my hotel?" Ms Morningstar questioned.
"Joining the gang fight is famous pornstar, Angel Dust." Footage was displayed of the spider, laughing as he fired bullets.
"Oooh, that's gotta burn." Millie winced.
"Aaahhhh! No, don't look at this!" The princess tried to block the feed, but due to the nature of video, only succeeded in blocking out her own face.
"Wow, tell me princess, how does it feel to suck harder than the cocks in you 'patron's' mouth and be the laughing stock of all of hell!?"
""Well.. I…" The princess looked like she was struggling to find a comeback.
"What do you know, now she's doing her impression of the fatty." Loona snickered.
"I'm not fat!"
"Well… how does it feel that i got your pen!" The girl swiped a nearby ballpoint. "BITCH!?!" The entire new crew stopped laughing, as the woman slowly began towering and growing blades. "Umm …"
"RAAAA!"
The screen then displayed 'technical difficulties'. "Hahahaha! Oh what do you know, news CAN be funny these days." Blitz smiled.
"… Why did that set her off?" Iruma asked. "Every demon I've met curses except for Satina, but that's likely an age thing. How's that any different from her insulting the princess?"
"Some people don't have thick skin." Loona shrugged. "She mutilates her co host anytime he insults her."
"Sounds familiar." Moxxie rolled his eyes.
"I can and will disembowel you from here, fatty."
"That's a shame." Iruma nodded. "The princess seemed like a nice person. .. like a more than average demon nice."
"And that's why no one respects her." Blitz nodded. "Cause the only way demons won't fuck you over, is proving you can fuck them harder."
"Yet another crass piece of advice I will try to supress." Moxxie groaned.
"You can't deny my genius!" Blitz shouted. "Now who's getting the new tv? I actually want to watch something entertaining now."
Charlie felt queasy on the limo ride back to the hotel. Angel Dust getting involved with a turf war was one thing. Sure it was difficult to get him to listen, but all they needed was the idea of him trying… and now all of hell knew their best hope was just, as the news put it, 'a crazed, coked up dick sucking ho'.
"Seriously. You guys need to invest in booze. At this rate it's sadder than princessa's attempt at a sale's pitch." Angel laughed as he messed around with the window button. "I swear you'd get far more patrons if you just gave them one bottle of liquor."
Vaggie, annoyed by the noise, and Angel in general, threw a knife at Angle's hand, destroying the button. "Next time it's your head."
"What was that, I was busy thinking about the head I got this morning, hehehehe.." Angel laughed as they continued to stare at him. "What? Something on my face?"
"What, what!? What was that!!!?" Vaggie screamed. "All you had to do was keep your head down, and you couldn't even do that right!"
"What, I had too! My girl buddy needed a solid and I was around the neighborhood." Angel glared. "Isn't helping friends part of being a good person or some shit!?"
"Well., kind of.." Charlie tried to look on the bright side.
"Not when it results in turf wars that end in territorial genocide!" Vaggie called out. "Your stupid stunt made us look like a fucking joke!"
"No, jokes are funny. You guys looked sad. Like an orphan with no arms.. or legs …ooh with progeria!" He frowned. "Great, now I'm bummed thinking about it. Thanks a lot, bitch."
"… I'm going to kill him." Vaggie killed.
Charlie sighed. "Don't …" She tried so hard … so, so hard … and crashed. Everyone laughed, and rejected her … her dreams failed before they could even launch. "That was uncool Angel."
Angel for a brief second looked like he wanted to snark at that, but paused. "Look, it's not.. that bad when you think about it … most of the people that died were ugly freaks, and it's not like we used holy weapons, so the city will be filled to the brim with harlequin looking mother fuckers in no time.. so really, I'm doing people a favor here."
".. Is.. is that really your best.." Vaggie muttered in frustration. "Just.. don't be.. don't be you anymore."
"Whatever lets me keep the free room, taco chichi."
"… Is that you being sexist or racist?" Vaggie glared
"Whatever pisses you off more."
Charlie droned out the argument as she got out of the limo and walked into the hotel … the abandoned, moldy, and worn down hotel … just like her.
"We.. we can probably use the time to clean things up." Vaggie tried to sugggwst as they followed her inside. "It's.. it's not the right time for patrons anyway.. so.. a little home improvement couldn't hurt.. right Angel?"
"Like I fucking-" Angel paused as he looked at her.. and for a brief second, she thought she saw a twinge of sympathy. "I mean.. yeah… the place will be crawling.. with wayward souls sooner or later… probably…."
"… I'm going to go make a call." She sighed, walking deeper inside as she flipped open her phone. Even if Angel cared deep down, which Charlie truly did believe… he wasn't making it easy.. and.. she couldn't trust him to make the right choices at the right time.
Scrolling down and down her contacts … until she landed on a familiar one, clicking it … and getting a fucking voicemail box, just like the last few hundred fucking times. "Hey … mom." Charlie started. "I know I've called you before.. like a lot.. it's just… I miss you… I mean, hell hasn't been the same since you stopped signing.. well, it also hasn't been the same since you and dad split, and I don't mean to bring up old problems and.." Why the hell couldn't she speak right.
"…I .. I tried my first step towards my dream… towards our dream.. to give our people a better life beyond what he'll currently is… and I failed.. I failed so hard and no no one believes in me.. I… I think dad was right.." Dad was never listening, Mom was still missing … there was nowhere to go, and nothing to do but to keep trying. "I.. I could really use your voice right now… I love you.." Seven years.. she waited seven years for an 'I love you too'… an I love you that never came.
Charlie cried into her knees … it was all failing … it was all … wrong. She could hear a distant knock of the front door. "Can someone get that!?" She cried out. She really didn't have the energy at the moment … maybe tomorrow but … she just needed … help.
"Hey, princess doll face!? Some strawberry pimp wants to talk to you!"
"Angel, if you brougut one of your sex buddies to the hotel-!" Vaggie called out.
"Nah, not one of mine!"
Confused, and wanting the argument to end, Charlie forced herself up and toward the door with her best smile. "Welcome sir, to the Happy-"
"Quite happy to be here myself!" … Said the smiling face, the red hair, suit, a staticky voice …
"….Vaggie, the Radio Demon is at the door!" Charlie called out.
"He's what!?"
"Who?" Angel Dust asked, before the man himself teleported to the patron.
"Alastor, pleasure to meet you. Quite the pleasure." He shook his hand before turning back to Charlie.. "Your performance and comedic timing were quite marvelous in that little picture show!" The dangerously powerful overlord explained cheerfully. "I've never liked news anchors, arrogant little buggers, but you my dear have allowed me to enjoy this rare exception of televised viewing!"
"Ah… thanks.." The radio demon didn't seem malicious, but they were talking about one of Hell's most powerful overlords. The one that enjoyed sadism and mutilation of other overlords and sinners alike!
"Don't you dare come closer, you creepy hoove having cheesy talk show shit lord!" Vaggie shouted out as she aimed her spear defensively. "You better explain yourself in five seconds before..!"
"Hhahahaah, no need to worry my dear…. If I wanted to hurt you lot, I've wouldn't allow you the pleasure of talking to me." He growled as the world became wrong and contorted and upside down…
"Seriously, who's this clown?" Angel dust asked again as the radio demon out everything back into place, his smile becoming wide .. but somewhat strained.
"Alastor… the radio demon-come on, you've neen hear longer than me!" Vaggie groaned.
"Again, I'm not big on politics."
"Then you've surely have turned into my latest radio broafcast!" Alastor chuckled. "Hell's number one most listened to show!"
"Oh, you're the one incharge of the radio boy."
"Yes indeed, my most ambitious project ye-"
"Overrated." Angel dust rolled his eyes as he turned to them. "We got anymore of them popsicles laying around?"
The man twitched a bit as Charlie slowly walked up, possibly to save him a mutilation or two. "So … what are you … doing here?"
"Ah yes! I'm here to help you!"
A moment of silence passed. "… I'm gonna need a bit more than that." She said in a confused tone.
"I want to help you run this ridiculous little hotel!"
"Huh?" Vaggie glared.
"Am I getting interference?" He tapped his staff, which blinked.
"I heard you loud and clear."
"… Wait?" Charlie questioned, a smile on her face. "Do you believe in redemption!?" She smiled, her heart once more filling with hope.
"Not even a little!" Hope that quickly died. "Oh redemption, the none existent humanity of all! Hahahahaha!" The overlord leaned in. "I'm in the market for new entertainment! My current broadcasting is getting a bit too sappy for my taste." He took her by the arms and swung her around in a swing. "I want to watch the scum of the earth to climb up the hill of betterment, only to repeatedly trip and tumble down into the firey pit of failure."
"So you're here to basically mock us." Vaggie summarized.
"Quite bluntly, yes!" Alastor proudly admitted. "But don't you worry, dearie, it's an investment, and I always protect my investments."
"Don't you send out your investment into dangerous situations all the time?" Angel Dust questioned as he sucked on a treat.
"The investment for young Suzuki IS being in mortal peril!"
"… Young who now?" Charlie asked.
"A special personal project of mine." The man smiled. "A pair of parents on earth somehow managed to summon me and sell me a young boy's soul to torment for eternity in hell as I please!" He shamelessly admitted.
"You.. have.." A … Human ... a live human in hell?!
"What… no.. that can't be real.." Vaggie shook her head in disbelief. "You can't just ... take live human souls like that!"
"Apparently you can!" Alastor grinned. "In fact. I think a live performance is in order. Just a second." The man snapped his fingers as shadow took over the room for five seconds.
"Ahhhhhh!" A scream and a thump was heard as the air cleared. "I hate when he does that.." There was a boy … a nicely dressed … human … recovering looking boy, with a dark look in his eye. "… Alastor."
"Suzuki! How are you this fine evening?" He questioned.
"Pretty decent actually.. until you came ..." The human said with a reluctant and complacent tone. "So, what insane form of torment or dangerous errand do you need today?"
"Charity work!"
The boy ... the human boy in hell, looked at the overload with a disbelieving expression."…. No. Tell me for real."
"You see, I found this funny little idea where sinners can get deluded enough to think they'll get into heaven, constantly fail, then are filled with despair at the realization it's all truly hopeless!"
"Aaah, now I can see your angle." He nodded, turning to her, his face softening. "Oh … you're the princess of Hell, right?"
"Uh… yeah.. that's me…" Charlie couldn't believe it, a human, what sinners were before they were demons! The cocoon before the butterfly! "You.. you can call me Charlie."
"That's a nice name." The boy smiled softly. "I'm Iruma… I ... I really liked your song."
He … and …
There was many things that came to Charlie's head right now, mainly involving hugs and crying, but looking at the boy, and those innocent eyes ... eyes covered in painful black tears … there was one word that rung throughout her head.. protect.
She turned to Alastor. "You don't mind say … letting the boy go free, right?" He was too innocent to be sold to a demon. Seriously, this was all WAY too much to process.
"Sorry, that's the one thing I can't promise." He continued nonchalantly. "Take my help or leave it, but the boy is mine either way."
"But ... but he's human, his time hasn't come ..." Charlie tried to speak out.
"And I've been broadcasting his torment for months! And yet no angel or demon has told me off for it!"
"No one…" Did… did no one care that this boy was suffering? She felt a twinge of something she tried to suppress … her horns grew out as she started seeing red.
"It's alright." The boy nodded. "I got used to the concept of being stuck with Alastor. No need to fight him on it … although I recommend not taking his help. He's pure evil."
"You're the light of my life too, young chum!"
"One sec please.." Charlie smiled as she took Vaggie to the side. "That's a real human, a real life human in hell!" She shout whispered.
"Yeah, I'm as shocked as you." Her girlfriend nodded.
"That's not supposed to happen!"
"I'm aware!"
"We can't just let this happen!" She pulled her hair. "We can't just leave an innocent kid in the hands of this psycho!"
"Well we can't work with him either!" Vaggie groaned. "He obviously had more than just 'entertainment' planned out!"
"I know I know.." Charlie rubbed her head. "Okay, there has to be something we can work out. Maybe if we get him far away enough.."
"Sorry toots, he's under contract. He goes only where the holder of his soul wants/will let him go." Angel Dust said as he sucked on a popsicle. "Short of actually killing the strawberry pimp, the human stays."
"… Okay." Vaggie pulled out her spear. "You pin him down, I'll rip out his heart."
"Oooh, been a while since someone tried to fight me head on." Alastor cackled. "It's not the first time someone tried to fight me with angelic weaponry, and it won't be the last!"
"Vaggie wait-!"
"You really want to test your luck with that?" Vaggie growled.
"I don't need to." Alastor grinned. "Oh Iruma, would you please stand in front of me and take any blows that come my way?"
"… Yes sir." The boy grimaced, walking in front of the blade with a resigned expression.
Vaggie looked downright horrified. "What are …"
"Human conditioning!" Alastor laughed. "Pre packaged to boot!"
"You… you monster.." Charlie growled, wanting to end this scum of the earth-
She took in a deep breath. Alastor was a sadist and wouldn't give up his own desires of misery so easily… but if she got anything from both her mom and dad… it was to never take shit from other demons. "Alastor." She marched up to the overlord. "You're creepy as fuck, a monster beyond comprehension, and clearly see my dream as a joke."
"Why thank you."
"But I don't. Every sinner gets their chance, and every soul deserves to be saved … so against my better judgment, yes. I'll work with you." To stay close and try to help the boy.
"So then … we have a deal?" He extended a glowing hand.
"Don't-" Iruma called out, only for Chains to form around his neck and pull him back.
Charlie looked at the hand … it would guarantee she could keep an eye on Alastor … "No." Charlie stated firmly as the glow died down. "No deals, no trickster voodoo shit." How to word this, how to word this. "As … Princess of hell, I command you to help out with the hotel…. And stay.. for as long as you desire…"
The man blinked, staring at her. "… Good enough!" He clapped. "Glad to be on board! Let's see your staff!"
"Well … we have Vaggie as the manager here.." Charlie looked at the relieved but fuming girl. ".. And Angel Dust as our first patron.."
"Cute, but I meant your whole team."
"…That's it…" She winced.
"… Wow. No wonder you accepted the help." The boy blinked.
"We only have one guest…" Vaggie glared at Angel. "Though he barely counts as one as it is."
"Fuck you too, Vagina."
"Well then, that's going to be my first contribution!" The overlord snapped his fingers, as a small girl with one eye and a cat fell to the ground.
"Fuckin … I was in the shower god damn it!" The cat screamed out.
"Oooh, now that's a wet pussy I can get into." Angel dust grinned mischievously.
"Oooh, new place!" The little girl jumped. "And so filthy. Which is weird cause there's so many girls around." She ran around, pausing as she got to the human. "Hey Chomper!"
"Hey Nifty. Glad you and Husk got out of the extermination alright." The boy smiled fondly.
"Eh, it's all a matter of being old enough to know how to avoid mutilation." The cat nodded, patting the kid on the back. "Good to see you standing, kid."
"Not for lack of trying on the angel's part… still feeling the slice down my back." Iruma winced.
"The what?" Charlie double took.
"Ah yes, an exorcist tried to murder the young lad." Alastor explained. "So he murdered it right back." What!?
"Oh sure, the kid with baby soft skin and undropped balls killed an angel." Angel Dust scoffed.
"I know, I didn't believe it either, but that's what happend, right my boy?"
Everyone looked to Iruma, who clearly looked nervous and shaken. ".. Yes, I totally killed it."
Charlie looked at the kid … and couldn't help but laugh. "Awww, he looks so cute trying to lie."
"I … I'm not-"
"On the subject of more believable shit." The cat grumbled, shaking off the water. "The fuck are we doin here?"
"Charity work!"
The cat blinked. "… No, seriously."
"Did you see the comercial where Charlie launched all her dreams about rehabilitation?" Iruma questioned.
"Yeah, stupidest shit I ever heard." Sure, why not drill the knife further?
"Apparently Alastor thought the idea of people trying and failing was funny enough that he wanted in."
"That makes more sense." The cat groaned. "But I ain't taking no charity job!"
"But my dear Husker, with you bright cheery demeanor, only you can man the front desk!"
".. You're fucking kidding me.." Vaggie groaned.
"Of course not … at least, not without incentive." Alastor waved his hand over to the desk, which expanded and warped into a full on bar, with a neat and tidy check in log, multiple slots for mail, and a bottle of cheap booze on the top.
"You think you can buy me off and dance for you with a wink and some cheap booze!?" Husker growled. "… Well you can!" He quickly grabbed the nearest bottle.
"No, no, no no! We're trying to discourage sin and vice!" Vaggie shouted. "We can't allow any alcohol whatsoever-!"
"Shut up shut up shut UP!" Angel Dust tackled Vaggie to the ground. "We are keeping this!"
"Husk or the bar?" Iruma questioned.
"Yes!" Angel responded as he grabbed a bottle as well. "Heya whiskers~."
"Go fuck yourself."
"Only if you watch me." Charlie was just going to … ignore that for now.
"Meanwhile, Nifty here will be our little maid. Cleaning, cooking, all the fun stuff."
She looked, seeing that half of the hotel was actually much cleaner than before … as Nifty tried to stab some roaches with a knife. "So much new prey!"
"…. I'm not sleeping tonight."
"What about me?" Iruma questioned.
"With your ability to be forced into any task whatsoever, what better role then a bellhop?" Alastor waved his cane around the boy as he was out in a blue bellhop suit, completed with a little bellhop cap … which bounced off his head as the cowlick shot it off. "… We can work on that later."
"You look so cute!!" Charlie grinned as she hugged the boy tightly. "Welcome to the Happy Hotel!"
"Thanks…" The boy gave her a small smile. "… You hug like an angel.."
"Huh?" Charlie blinked. "Really?"
"Well, I've only been hugged by one, but… you kind of remind me of her." Wait, he-
"Oh yes …" Alastor chuckled. "Very entertaining." He swung forward, holding her hand. "You have a dream you, wish to tell." He sang, pulling Charlie into a tap dance. "And it's just laughable, but hey kid, whatthehell?"
The demon snapped his finger, pulling them into old timey clothes. 'Cause you're oneof a kind, a charming demonBelle!" He shouted out to the world. "Now let's give these burning fools a place to dwell!" He pointed to his shadow. "Take it, boys!"
"Damn it all.." Vaggie growled.
"It's at least better than the last song he sang." Iruma nodded as the shadow demons began playing a jazzy little tune. "He's not mutilating anyone this time around."
"(Ooh) Haha!"
"Inside of every demon is a lost cause, ha!" Charlie was twirled around. "But we'll dress 'em up for now with just a smile!" He went over to Vaggie, pulling her lips up into an exaggerated grin.
"Wicked smile!"
"And we'll chlorinate this cesspool with some old redemption flair!" He danced around as the room began glowing in a purplish green blacklight aura. "And show these simpletons some proper class and style!
"Class and style!"
"Oh, here below the ground, I'm sure your plan is sound!" He didn't believe in her.. but he would support her.. so Charlie would take the help and push her dream further.. and someday… free that boy from his suffering. "They'll spend a little time down at this Hazbin Ho—!
Kaboom
The door blew open, almost hitting Nifty as Iruma pulled her out of the way at the last minute. "You alright?" The boy asked.
"Awww, I missed out on the pain." She pouted.
"Sorry, habit." The boy shrugged. This.. this would be rough.. but she'd figure it out… eventually.
Iruma blinked as everything in the hotel walked outside. "Oh, this guy again." Iruma noted as he looked up, seeing the war machine blimp thing that almost killed him about two weeks ago.
"Geez. Not this slippery mother fucker." The spider guy rolled his eyes yes.
"Well well well, the ssssssttrriped freak has more frieendsssss!" The snake grinned. "Greetingsssss Alassstor! We meet again!"
"Do I know you?" An expected response.
"… I'm your archhh nemessssisssss!" He shouted.
"Still pretty sure that's Vox!" Iruma shouted.
"Actually it's boredom. Vox's lack of any actual talent makes him a close second though."
"Hello!" The princess of hell waved to the snake guy. "Welcome to the Happy Hotel! Would you like to check out to check into heaven?!" Wow …she really was seriously about giving demons a chance.
"Not interessssssted!" The snake sinner shouted back. "But the ssssign on the building ssssaayssss hazzzzzbin hotel."
"What, no it suppose to say.." She looked up.. and there it was, spelling Hazbin Hotel in bright red letters and lights. "What!?" She shouted. "But I built that thing myself! I know it said happy!"
"Creative liberty." Alastor explained. "Not many sinners would be interested in a cheesy name. Branding to your clientel IS quite important."
"Fair enough point.." Iruma would know from his many failed jobs as a salesman.
"Eeeeenoough! You will all remember me once I blast you all into sssssmiitthereiiignsssss!" The man cackled as a big blaster gun thingy popped out of the bottom. "Hahah! I'm sssso evil!"
Alastor waved his hand … as tentacles came from the ground, grabbing onto the blimp and ripping it apart piece by piece. More static came from the radio demon as it was crushed further and further, until the entire thing exploded.
Iruma wanted to say he wasn't that scared because he saw Stolas go wild against angels … but … "…. This whole time… he was holding back on torturing me…." He gasped.
"Of course." The man chuckled. "If you were a dead sinner …" The world distorted. "I could rip your atoms apart and wait for you to come back together agonizing piece by piec-!"
"Enough." The princess stepped in front of iruma as she got in Alastor's face. "As long as you're staying in my hotel, you won't talk to anyone like that… ever."
"Oh relax, dear Charlie." The man chuckled as he backed off. "I'm in far too jolly of a mood for physical violence against him. Now then, let's celebrate this wonderous occasion with some jambalaya!"
"… Want a drink?" Husk offered.
"Thanks, but I want to wait a bit with all the new people around." Iruma needed to get a proper read on them before letting his walls down.
"Relax shrimp, I don't go after people's who's dongs are shorter than my pinky-" the spider guy got kicked in the shins by the gray woman with an eyepatch. "What the fuck!?"
"You do not get to make sex jokes towards the underaged child!"
"Oh like he hasn't heard worse!"
"Not wrong." Iruma nodded. "Usually it's attempts to have sex against my will." Everyone, baring Alastor and Nifty, stared at him blankly. "What? That's common in hell, isn't it?"
The princess walked up to him and hugged him, giving him reassuring head rubs. "I won't let anyone touch you again….ever."
Wow… her hugs really did feel like Emily's.. bringing him back to those nights where he slept soundly with just a newspaper. "… Alright." He nodded slowly. She seemed well meaning enough. And she hasn't yelled or cursed at him, so she was next to Octavia in terms of nice demons.
They began walking inside … where he was now working yet a new job. Doing customer service and bell hop duties for free … how wonderful.
And to top it all off, all of hell thought he was an angel killer. Iruma could have said nothing, just let the woman take the fall and walk the way, ignore all the attention … but she looked so scared …
No… that wasn't who he was. Iruma.. Iruma wanted to help people. He'd chose to help people every single time… and.. it paid off. The lady.. helped him. Helped him even when she didn't need to.
This.. this was a good thing. In Spite of everything Alastor did… Iruma cared about people. He still cared about people. Alastor might never let him go free… but Iruma would keep his heart intact… that was as big a win as he would get… and he would take it and wear it proudly.
He would be happy… even if he suffered.