Bad Memories to Remember Chapter 4
Lily, lying awake in the middle of the night, can't dispel the feelings of devastation and heartbreak following the recent events. It's been four hours since the argument with her sisters, and the thought that they don't care about her lingers, even though she acknowledges she might be the main reason for their constant fights and discord. Over the past hour, Lily has been reflecting on all the times she caused trouble for her family, realizing just how selfish she had been.
The first time she tried to watch her favorite show, she ended up tracking her family, causing her sisters to miss their own show. Sending a mean voicemail to Lori was terrible, but making that embarrassing video of her sisters two months ago was the worst thing she had ever done. She realizes now that her actions have caused trouble not only for her family but also for her friend. This recollection makes her feel even worse than before. Lily can't understand why she behaved that way in the first place.
When her sister Lynn Jr. ridiculed her, claiming that no one would enjoy odd food, video games, or comics, it left her feeling isolated. Luan's joke was merely the beginning. However, it was Lori expressing deep disappointment in her that overwhelmed her. Lily is now uncertain of her emotions. She recalls the closeness they shared during her younger years, but it appears that her actions now only exacerbate situations, affecting not only her family but her friends as well. With a sigh, Lily turns to the window, pondering why she seems to create so much discord within her family.
Lily recalls the first time she caused trouble at the age of five. She and her best friend Clyde made prank calls to the police, laughing at their mischief. Naturally, they were reprimanded for wasting the police's time, resulting in a week's grounding. As time went on, her behavior deteriorated. At eight, she neglected to watch her sister Lucy, choosing to watch TV instead. When her parents inquired about Lucy's whereabouts, a frantic search ensued until she was found outside by a tree, leading to Lily being grounded for a month. By the age of ten, her selfishness escalated, and the guilt over her past actions grew more burdensome than ever.
When she attempted to persuade her sisters to skip their show to watch hers, and even sent Lori that harsh voicemail for breaking her VR game, deep down she recognized it was wrong, but her selfish desires prevailed. "I should have allowed them to watch their show. I could have recorded it and watched it later. I know Lori didn't mean to break it, but why did I say that to her?" Lily speaks in a sorrowful tone, feeling the guilt inside intensify as she recalls all her actions.
Deceiving her sisters to secure the best spot resulted in the van breaking down, leading to the cancellation of their vacation. The worst part was being ignored by her sisters for weeks. She also recalled upsetting her best friends, Clyde and Ronnie Anne. Reflecting on her actions, Lily recognized her selfishness throughout the year. Deceiving her sisters was wrong, angering her best friends was even worse, and Lori expressing disappointment was the final straw. Lily realized she was the root cause of her family's constant fighting and troubles. This thought troubled her deeply, and she couldn't escape the feeling that if she hadn't caused trouble, none of this would have happened. She tormented herself with the belief that she was the family's mistake. "What have I done?" Lily whispered, fighting back tears as she left her room, careful not to disturb Lucy and Lynn Jr.
After stepping outside, she was relieved to see her sisters still asleep. Closing her eyes, she braced for the familiar scene: her family, friends, and even her parents silently staring at her with a blend of disappointment, anger, and faint disgust. The silence was brief before her sisters began their taunts. Lori: "You always cause trouble, literally." Leni: "Who's Lily? We don't have a sister with a name as silly as that." Luna: "Dude, no one's ever going to love you." Luan: "You know the difference between you and us? You're the root of all trouble." Lynn Jr.: "You're the perfect target for my bat." Lucy: "You don't deserve to live, you're worthless." Lana: "You're too fat." Lola: "You're ugly." Lisa: "Do you realize how stupid you are?" Then her two best friends approached. Clyde: "Why are we still friends with you? You're just toxic." Ronnie: "You make me cry by saying mean things about me at lunch." Finally, her parents approached with words Lily dreaded. Rita and Lynn Sr.: "We should never have had you." With that, Lily opened her eyes, tears welling up, as dark thoughts swirled in her mind.
Lily wanted to ignore it, but her depression made it impossible to forget. She headed downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of water but froze when she saw her parents' bedroom door ajar. Overwhelmed, she felt the tears well up as she stood in the living room, staring at the emptiness ahead. A part of her wished her parents were there to ease her troubles, but she knew she was only fooling herself. With her parents far away in the hospital, Lily felt utterly alone and incapable of facing her challenges. Approaching the doorway, she leaned against the frame leading into her parents' room, allowing the tears to flow as she entered. Gazing at Rita and Lynn Sr.'s emotive bed, she whispered, "Mom, Dad, I don't know what to do. I keep making mistakes, ruining everything, and affecting everyone's lives. Maybe I shouldn't have existed at all."
Lily confessed that she finally broke down in tears, collapsing to her knees before her parents' empty bed, overwhelmed by helplessness and depression from everything that had happened up to that point. She didn't know what to do anymore. She felt as though she brought trouble and problems to her family and friends. She even thought that if she hadn't been born into the family, perhaps nothing bad would have happened and everything would be fine without her. Lily was feeling more than just upset or sad; she was more depressed than she had ever been before.
Ten minutes later, Lily was crying in her parents' room. Lori woke up to some noise downstairs. "What's that noise down there?" Lori said as she got out of bed and headed out of the room, careful not to make any sound that would wake her sisters. As Lori made her way downstairs to the living room, she noticed her parents' door was open. "Maybe the noise is coming from the room," Lori thought as she walked slowly. Upon entering, she looked down and saw her little sister Lily on the floor. Lori was shocked and worried to see Lily like that. She approached and realized Lily was sleeping, but a closer look revealed tears on her face and a The sad expression that shattered Lori's heart. "I was too harsh on her," Lori reflected. She knew she needed to have a heart-to-heart talk with Lily to understand what happened and to make things right.
Before this, Lori had risen and tenderly lifted Lily from the floor, carrying her out of their parents' room and back upstairs to the room she shared with Lynn Jr. and Lucy. Gently opening the door and stepping inside, Lori carefully placed her back in her bed. This moment made Lori reminisce about the times she had carried Lily to her crib as a baby. Noticing Lily's cherished stuffed animal, Bun Bun, Lori picked it up and placed it in her arms, prompting Lily to embrace it tightly. Before leaving, Lori leaned down to give her a soft kiss on the forehead and whispered, "Goodnight, Lily," causing a smile to spread across Lily's face as she clutched Bun Bun. Wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and security, Lily beamed. Lori then took a deep breath and returned to her own room, her mind settling into the peaceful embrace of the night.