Author's Note:
...well, well.
So here we are, at the end of another year. 2023. It was a year of ups...and downs. Had to postpone a new chapter on more than one occasion, whether it was due to sickness or life in general. (Or me getting a game's release date mixed up.) There was also that chapter I did with AI, and that was stupid to do on my part. I just wanted didn't want to write a lot, darn it! I kept promising myself that I wouldn't do such long chapters, but as chapter 404 showed...I keep falling back on that promise.
As for my personal life, in 2023, there's been ups and downs as well. I sadly lost a couple of family relatives this year (three in the summer, no less), and fell into a depressive state. It was because of this depression that I went on another hiatus. Also, I have a bit of a confession to make. Not sure how hard I'll get flamed for this but, um...
...I haven't checked the reviews much. Or at all. Haven't read one since June, right before I went on hiatus. Haven't checked the private messages in my inbox either. All the loss and depression I've been through this year made me more...sensitive to that kind of stuff, I guess? At this rate, I don't know when I'll go back to answering reviews; I'm scared to uncover what I'll find. (Many are you are probably foaming at the mouth reading this.)
But on the plus side, I've been feeling better from a mental health standpoint. And I've gone back to updating this story regularly, albeit with a few hiccups. Getting sick threw me off schedule, but hopefully, after this chapter, I'll get back on track. Anywho, this chapter...is unfortunately another clip show kinda thing. I did have plans to write a chapter about Kwanzaa, but I was struggling to come up with ideas. And I didn't feel like writing after Christmas, either. And I'm also getting back into drawing, so...yeah, there's that. Completed my first drawing in many years, and that brought me more satisfaction than writing this story could ever...
...oh wait, this story! Now you're asking, when it is finally gonna end? Surely you couldn't be selfish to think that Smash Life would go on forever. All good things come to an end. I did have some plans to end it in 2023, but thanks to all the precious time I missed, I had to reassess some things and shoot for 2024. I won't say WHEN the story will be completed, though. I could even things out, and only write 40-ish episodes next year (since that's the total number of chapters posted in 2023). Or I could wrap things up on my birthday, June 21. My original goal was to end the story on my birthday in 2019, but just when I settled on the end date...Ultimate was first teased. And the rest, well, is history.
So yeah, the plan is to end this story next year, hopefully. It would suck (for me) if they announced a new Smash game as a launch title for a new Nintendo console or something because then people would want me to keep this bad boy ongoing. No thanks. Hopefully, there won't be much delays next year either. But whatever happens, will be...just like that song from Toad the Wet Sprocket (highly recommend checking them out).
Now that I've said what I've been wanting to share with you all, here is chapter 406...another clip show thingy. (Curse you, writer's block...and, uh, extended holiday break.) Time to end this on a positive note...HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Episode 406: Superlatives
Bowser: Ahaha! I've always wanted to do this sort of thing. Hello world! Yours truly, Bowser, king of the Koopas and all that good stuff. Also, best dad in the world, don't forget about that. I'm here to take over this episode of Smash Life completely!
...What's that? This was supposed to be a Kwanzaa episode? Yeah, I don't recall. That's not what those producers told me. *winks at the camera* But since you asked nicely, I guess I could show some footage before we dive right in, show ya what this episode is all about. So here ya go...
A few days after Christmas, after all the holiday frenzy and endless shopping, there was another holiday celebrated in December known as Kwanzaa. It was a celebration of African-American culture, starting the day after Christmas and lasting until New Year's Day.
At its core, Kwanzaa was based on seven different principles - Umoja (unity), Kujichagulia (Self-Determination), Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility), Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics), Nia (Purpose), Kuumba (Creativity), and Imani (Faith). These seven principles were represented by seven candles, otherwise known as Mishumaa Saba.
Knuckles celebrated Kwanzaa once back in 2019 when he was trying to get in touch with his "roots". It was a celebration intended for himself and others until Master Hand intervened and invited people to join in on enjoying the holiday. But this time around, Master Hand mandated a Kwanzaa celebration at the mansion and strongly encouraged those at Omnis Adest to come and see how Kwanzaa was done.
"Good gravy! We sure are lacking in the decorations department," remarked King Dedede when he stopped by the living room, seeing the Mishumaa Saba sitting atop the fireplace. It was the only Kwanzaa-based decoration that was present.
"Kwanzaa isn't much of a 'decorative' holiday, per se," explained one of the party-planning committee members, Palutena, as she checked the Mishumaa Saba to see if it was bothered. Every day, a candle went missing.
"Not much of a decorative holiday?" King Dedede believed that Palutena was just kidding, but the goddess of light looked as serious as ever as Dedede shook his head in dismay. "Just gotta keep the brother man down, huh..."
Isabelle: It was primarily Master Hand's idea to celebrate Kwanzaa this year - not that it was much of a surprise. Like with Cinco de Mayo and Bastille Day, it's a way for the Omnis Adest folk to learn more about different cultures. As I found out, you don't necessarily have to be black to enjoy Kwanzaa! It was a bit of a struggle for Knuckles to accept that.
Knuckles: My Kwanzaa celebration in 2019 was pretty awesome...well, it was awesome, until Master Hand got in the way. But speaking of Master Hand, he better not do a better job than I have. I've been rooting for his downfall this entire week.
Sazh Katzroy: Some black people celebrate Kwanzaa because it's all about their culture. I celebrate Kwanzaa because it's far less expensive than Christmas! Ha! *pauses* Only did it for one year, though.
Barret: Sure, I could celebrate Kwanzaa, but I could never bring myself to do it knowing my obligations. Marlene, well, she loves Christmas, and I love putting a smile on her face when I put her gifts underneath the Christmas tree. It's one of the greatest joys as a...
Pit: *walks into frame* Barret, are you implying that you can't celebrate the holiday of your people just because you adopted a white girl? Way to be a sell-out!
Barret: *frowns* Who are you callin' a sellout?
Pit: N-No one! Nobody! *nervously backs away* There I go again, using words that I don't the meaning of...
Barret: Hmph...me, a sellout. *mellows out* I remember when Hunter called me that. The good ol' days... *crinkles nose* ...why did I bring that up in a positive light?
"Is that my King Dedede that I hear?" a certain musician said from afar, and King Dedede recognized the voice as he immediately tensed up. Palutena recognized the voice as well, as she looked over and saw I-No entering the living room.
"Oh! It's you!" Palutena said to I-No, who was smirking as she seductively approached King Dedede. "And you're...back to see King Dedede. For some reason." The way that I-No acted around King Dedede made Palutena want to barf.
"And the reason? We are in love." Showing her love for King Dedede, I-No kissed the fat penguin on his cheek and made him more tense than ever before. "Isn't that right, Dedede?"
"Eep..." uttered King Dedede, so overwhelmed that he could barely utter a human word. I-No found Dedede's current behavior to be endearing, if not oddly charming.
"Uh, you two have your fun...I have to go tell Master Hand something." Palutena gave King Dedede and I-No some space, slowly backing out of the living room before hightailing. King Dedede was about to cry out for help, but I-No grabbed his face and squeezed it tight.
"Since your lot is celebrating Kwanzaa..." I_No said to King Dedede while taking a gander at the Mishumaa Saba sitting on the fireplace. "...how about we go over our own seven principles? The seven principles...of love!"
"NOOOOOO!" King Dedede shouted at the top of his lungs, as he was led out of the living room by I-No. He was held by the hand, and Dedede so badly wanted to swat I-No's hand away.
Contrary to what King Dedede and I-No believed, Palutena wasn't making up excuses - she legitimately wanted to speak with Master Hand. However, there was a problem; Master Hand had an important guest in his room, and Palutena knew it too when she saw that the door was locked.
"I won't take up too much of your time, I promise!" Palutena called out to the giant hand, standing behind the door hoping to get a response. After moments of waiting, the door was opened by Master Hand's most important guest...the cyborg ninja mercenary known as Raiden.
"Good afternoon, Lady Palutena," Raiden cordially greeted Palutena, who looked behind Raiden just to make sure that Master Hand was there. Master Hand tended to hide whenever Palutena got upset with him for keeping her waiting.
"Lady Palutena, do you mind?" Master Hand questioned the goddess of light, acting as if he and Raiden were in the middle of a philosophical, thought-provoking conversation. "Raiden was telling me stories about his life as a Nigerian child soldier."
"Must you bring that up in front of her?" Raiden frowned at Master Hand, as Palutena was let inside the room. It was clear that the mercenary didn't like his personal info being shared.
Raiden: I was late for the Christmas musical since I was out buying more essentials. You won't believe how hard it was to find fake blood with all those holiday shoppers running amok. But my efforts were all for naught since I was told that the musical was canceled after the cast members got sick. Asked Yoshi about it, and he started coughing and wheezing right after I asked him the question! Very strange, I'll say.
"Because of Raiden's Nigerian child soldier status, I thought about making him the guest of honor for our Kwanza celebration today," Master Hand explained to Palutena, with Raiden desiring to put a sock in the giant hand's nonexistent mouth. A giant sock."
"I prefer if you stopped talking about this child soldier nonsense..." Raiden said to Master Hand, as he had his hand close to his katana; he was going to get his hands dirty if needed.
"Nonsense? How can you call it nonsense, when you experienced it yourself!" Perturbed by Raiden's attitude, Master Hand sighed deeply as he returned his attention to Palutena. "Something you wanted to share with me, Lady Palutena?"
"Those candles in the living room, someone tampered with them again," explained Palutena, expressing a complaint that Master Hand had heard countless times from the other party-planning committee members. "You think we should move the display elsewhere, perhaps?"
"Where to? Do you want it set up in a bathroom or something? That fireplace is the perfect spot if you ask me! And where do you think you're going, Raiden?" Master Hand caught Raiden about to sneak out of the room, with Raiden having one foot out the door.
"I was going to speak with Snake," replied Raiden, who planned on asking Snake about how he spent the holidays this year. As well as inquire about what really happened with that Star Records Christmas musical.
"Well, not yet you can. Since you're our guest of honor, we must adorn you in the most dapper wear. ISABELLE!" Right on time, Isabelle arrived at Master Hand's door, nearly spooking Raiden with her sudden appearance.
"Yes, Master Hand?" asked Isabelle, before looking up and seeing Raiden standing over her as she pointed at the mercenary. "Does it have to do with Raiden?"
"Affirmative! Glad that you and I still share the same brain cell. Lousy Ayaha...anyway, Raiden is our guest of honor for Kwanzaa today, and I want you to spiff him up for the grand occasion."
"I don't believe that will be necessary," insisted Raiden, not wanting to be the center of attention - he was more of a lowkey guy. But thanks to Master Hand, Raiden was going to be way out of his element today.
"I want you to dress him up as T'Challa. Make him feel like royalty! You can even give him a pair of gold chains if you have to."
"Done, and done!" exclaimed Isabelle as she jotted her notes down on her clipboard, with an idea in mind for how Raiden should be dressed for Kwanzaa. "I'll have Raiden looking like a million bucks soon."
"But I don't want to look like a million bucks," said Raiden, having no choice in the matter as Isabelle took his hand and guided him down the hallway. "Do I not have a say in this...?"
"Nope! Master Hand's word is always official. But don't you worry, Raiden, I'll have you looking good for the festivities!"
Bowser: There, there's your new footage. Happy now? Good. Now that we've got that out of the way, it's time for the best clip show in this documentary's history...the Omnis Adest Superlatives Show! Awesome title, ten out of ten. Five stars. Since Cranky Kong did his lame "Cranky Awards" last year, I wanted to do something similar, but only better. Won't be any trophies handed out, though, those are too expensive. The superlatives will only apply to current Omnis Adest members, so Vault Hunters, Harvey, Max, and Chloe...better luck next time.
...so! Our first superlative of the day is "Most Likely to Annoy You to Death". Lord knows how many men qualified for this one. No women, frankly - so much for this superlative not being sexist, amirite? Pining this bad boy down on one person was hard, but someone rose up to be the cream of the crop. And that person is...Barry!
Christmas was the absolute perfect time for shopping online, finding the perfect Christmas gifts on the Internet. While some residents such as Champion Link made the most of online shopping, others like Link found it to be a struggle. This was why the Hylian preferred to shop in person.
Link was out Christmas shopping, and he refused to go about it alone. So with Cloud handling business at the mansion per usual, the Hylian asked his other bestie Champion Link to be a tag-along. He even brought with him a Christmas list; most of the items were for Zelda.
"A humidifier sounds like an interesting gift for Princess Zelda," Champion Link as he was going over Link's Christmas list. The two Links were on their way to the nearest superstore, where they planned to do most of their holiday shopping. "Isn't that used by people who vape?"
"No...it just raises the humidity in a room," explained Link as he saw a superstore just up ahead, only a couple of feet away. Pretty decent crowd present. "It's also good for clearing up skin."
"So is it some kind of skincare product or something? I'm so confused..." As the two Links were about to enter the store, they suddenly bumped into a young blonde lad, who seemed like he was in a rush.
"Hey, watch where you're going!" the blonde frowned at the two Links, rubbing his head as he angrily stood up. The two Links also stood up, with the blonde pointing at both of them. "I'm gonna have to fine you both, for bumping into me without my permission!"
"Dang it, I literally just gave Vault Boy the last of my rupees!" frowned Champion Link, who had nothing of monetary value to give. The poor Hylian was more broke than Link ever could be. "I can't pay anyone some stupid fine..."
"Chill out Champ, I don't think this guy is serious," Link said to Champion Link before returning his attention to the blonde, who was still pretty angry. "What do you mean, we bumped into you without your permission?"
"Exactly what I said!" the blonde shouted, ready to throw a temper tantrum as he was almost starting a scene at the superstore entrance. "No matter where I go, there's always someone bumping into me! It's almost a conspiracy, at this point..."
"But what do you mean 'without permission'? Do you like it when people bump into you?" That got the blonde to think, as he realized that he might've used the wrong choice of words.
"Wouldn't say it's something that I like...but I'm getting sick and tired of it! Everyone is moving so fast! People need to slow down, you know what I mean? No more Mr. Nice Guy..."
"Barry? Is that you standing around at the entrance? Always taking off when I'm not looking...at least give me a heads up next time, will ya?"
A girl adorned with a red sweater-dress came up to the blonde, Barry, bringing a white bag with her. She came at the right time, for Barry had a Poke Ball in his hand ready to fight.
"Good timing, Dawn, right on cue!" Barry commended the girl, before angrily looking towards Link and Champion Link. Neither Hylian wanted any trouble. "These dorks had the audacity to run into me! I'll fine them later, but first..."
"I think you can save your Empoleon for another time," the girl, Dawn, said to Barry as she grabbed the Pokemon trainer's arm - the one with the Poke Ball in hand - and gently held it down. "This isn't the place."
"But how are we gonna teach those dorks a lesson?" Barry pointed at the two Links, both of whom had Dawn's full attention. One good look and Dawn could tell that the Links were far from being dorks.
"Green tunic and hat..." Dawn observed Link, before slowly turning her head to Champion Link. "...blue tunic and slightly feminine looks...and both of them have pointy ears! Which means..."
"...which means they're colossal dorks, and most deserving of an outrageous fine! Empoleon, show 'em who's boss!" Using his Poke Ball, Barry sent out his Empoleon, refusing to leave until he gave the two Links a piece of his mind.
"No, Barry, stop! Don't you see? These two must be incarnations of Link, from Hyrule." Before Barry could give Empoleon any commands, he took a gander at Link and Champion Link, cooling off on his anger.
Champion Link: Slightly feminine looks...why does everyone think I look like a girl? It's not even funny anymore...
Link: Told you months ago to ditch the bangs and ponytail. But one day, you'll learn...one day...
xxx
"You do realize that the game isn't until Sunday, right?" Dawn asked Barry, who was busy inspecting the party decorations. Dawn was practically done with Barry if she wasn't already.
"I know, I know...I just wanted a sneak peek of the party scene!" replied Barry, leading Dawn to roll her eyes. "After a thorough analysis of the living room, I can confirm that whoever decorated this living room is not deserving of a fine!"
"You're deserving of a fine..." Dawn muttered under her breath, wishing that she was somewhere else right now.
Dawn: Barry was very salty that the Links never invited us to any of the mansion's holiday functions. So when Barry ran into Link at the store again and vented his frustrations to him, Link told him that he could come to the mansion's Super Bowl party. I have to attend the party as a plus-one, which I would do anyway. Barry can't be trusted by himself.
Link: Barry is coming over for the Super Bowl party? Seriously?! I was just being sarcastic! Is Barry really that desperate?
xxx
Thanks to a tip from one of his scientist acquaintances, Rowan discovered that time travel was somewhat possible at the mansion. Dr. N. Tropy had demonstrated it first when he built the Rift Generator in the basement back in episode 273. With the Rift Generator having been dismantled a month after it was built, Rowan needed to build a time machine himself..and fortunately, he brought some folks along to assist him.
"This is for running that red light earlier!" Barry barked at some poor SUV driver, as he and Dawn filed out of an SUV parked in the mansion's driveway. Barry had thrown an empty Poke Ball at the driver...and missed. "Hope you enjoy being fined!"
"Can you not embarrass yourself for one moment?" Dawn pleaded to Barry, who retrieved his Poke Ball from inside the SUV. "You're acting like that traffic incident affected you personally."
"But it did affect me personally...it affected all of us personally! We could've gotten in a car crash and died, if not for this guy's negligence!"
"Barry...that is enough," a certain professor said sternly to the Pokemon trainer, who hushed his yap in a hurry. The professor that was speaking to Barry was none other than Rowan, who was accompanied by three other Pokemon professors - Elm, Juniper, and Burnet.
Dawn: Barry and I are on another trip to the mansion...and yes, I have to play plus-one once again. No, Barry didn't stage a hunger strike outside Rowan's lab this time - he just threatened to post humiliating photos of Rowan online for the whole world to see. Granted, Rowan doesn't have such photos since he rarely takes any - or even knows how to operate a phone - but he signed Barry up anyway for the sake of his overall sanity.
"Sorry, Professor Rowan! I just get so bothered when people choose to drive poorly on the road," responded Barry, as Dawn pinched the crown of her nose wishing that she was back at home in Sinnoh. Master Hand came outside, floating over to Rowan and company.
"Hello, professors!" Master Hand greeted Rowan and company, impressed by the crew that Rowan assembled, before taking notice of Dawn and Barry. "And hello to you, Dawn."
"What about me?" Barry whined to Master Hand, who completely ignored the Pokemon trainer as he floated closer to Rowan. Barry let out a defeated sigh as he hunched over in sadness.
xxx
For Pit, a lone positive of Canada Day is that he didn't have to man Cafe Leblanc by himself. The angel would be in Vancouver, where he could hang out with his friends and drink all the maple syrup that he wanted to drink. Provided that there wasn't a limit.
But until everyone was ready to leave, Pit had to serve as the cafe's lone barista. The angel stood behind the counter as people were coming to the cafe to get in their coffee fix before the big trip. Or in Sans's case, tell a few Canadian jokes.
"papyrus said that he didn't know what the capital of canada was," Sans said to Dawn and Barry - the two Pokemon trainers who happened to be on Anna's guest list. Dawn turned down her invite; Barry sadly did not, so Dawn was forced to come. "i said to him, 'you ottawa know it.'"
"That joke wasn't even remotely funny," said Dawn as waited on Pit to fix her cup of coffee...while Barry was laughing his butt off. Dawn found herself gravely disappointed in Barry's sense of humor.
"Another joke, tell us another joke!" Barry encouraged Sans, who appreciated the Pokemon trainer for recognizing his comedic genius. Dawn was slowly on the verge of losing it.
"did you know? in ottawa, yukon see the northern lights." Sans had Barry laughing a second time, as Barry laughed and slapped his knee. Those sitting near Barry gave judging looks, much to Dawn's embarrassment.
"Oh man, keep telling jokes like those and you'll NEVER get fined!" Being the only person in the universe to never catch a fine from Barry would be quite a title for Sans to achieve.
"I'm out..." grumbled Dawn, having grown tired of Sans's puns as she got up and left the cafe. Like any other cafe patron (except Barry), Dawn had a breaking point when it came to Sans.
xxx
"This winning ticket number is...86," announced Donkey Kong; Barry looked at his raffle ticket and squealed with glee, as his number was 86. The Pokemon trainer was about to win his very own Porygon doll, as he ran onto the stage.
"Give me my Porygon doll!" an eager Barry demanded to Skyward Zelda as he held his hands out. He would be met with disappointment, as Skyward Zelda handed him an expensive-looking corkscrew.
"Merry Christmas!" Skyward Zelda smiled at Barry, who begrudgingly accepted his raffle gift as he returned to his spot next to Dawn. At least Barry could say that he didn't up empty-handed.
xxx
"ATTENTION EVERYONE!" shouted Master Hand as he returned to the ballroom with an important announcement to make, as the conga line came to a stop. "At long last, this party now has a special attraction."
"Yes! It's about that time!" cheered Barry, easily the most excited partygoer as he pumped his fist. Almost punched Robin's eye out in the process. "Time for the raffle!"
"Don't get your hopes up..." Dawn muttered to Barry, who was unable to contain excitement as he was grinning from ear to ear. Barry was rubbing his hands with anticipation, as Mega Man entered the ballroom.
"Now introducing this afternoon's special entertainment...give these two a round of applause!" shouted Mega Man, as there was some applause in the ballroom. The applause died down, however, when a black guy wearing a peacoat, heart-rimmed glasses, and a blonde wig entered.
"This is Todd; he will be our special entertainment for this party," Master Hand introduced the man to everyone, as there were confused looks and murmurings among the crowd. Which Master Hand expected. "Make sure you treat him well."
"Who wants to have fun?" Todd asked the crowd, only getting a fairly lukewarm response. Todd saw that as something worth improving upon. "We're here to have fun. Life's full of fun. I'm fun. You should be fun too. So says Todd."
"That guy's doing the Valentine's Day raffle?" asked Barry as he pointed at Todd, while Dawn smacked her head; Dawn couldn't get back home - and away from Barry - soon enough.
"You never mentioned anything about a Valentine's Day raffle," Todd said to Master Hand, as the smile Barry once had slowly faded away as disappointment took over.
"Ignore Barry - he's a very needy child," Master Hand warned Todd about Barry, as a disappointed Barry slumped to the back of the ballroom. No raffle today. "Just hop on that stage and do your thing."
Bowser: "A very needy child"...yeah, that perfectly describes Barry, alright. Maybe I should change it to "Most needy individual". That sounds more fitting. But, moving on - our next superlative is "Most Eccentric". Undoubtedly, we got a lot of weirdoes at Omnis Adest, but who do I deem the weirdest out of the bunch? Zeke von Gonbu - or as he would prefer to be called, the Zekenator. Oughta give him a second superlative for "Worst Nickname". But anywho, let's take a little trip down memory lane...
"Guys, look what I found - a turtle!" Asuka showed off the turtle to the ninja pals, as Zeke instantly perked up. "Saw him walking towards the water."
"Is that...Turters?" asked Zeke, before making a mad dash towards and Asuka and seeing the turtle sitting in the palm of her hand. "Yes, it is! Turters, I've finally found you, my boy!"
"This is your pet turtle?" Asuka asked Zeke, who didn't bother answering the question as he swiped Turters out of Asuka's hand. He was very possessive of his turtle friend.
"Handling a man's turtle..." Zeke scolded Asuka, before scurrying back to Pandoria and pointing at the ninja pals. "...you rapscallions think that you can lay a finger on Turters, and get away with it?"
"We didn't even know he existed until now," stated Yuffie, speaking on behalf of every ninja pal not named Asuka. Zeke refused to believe her. "Also, why are you so fascinated with a turtle?"
"Turters is not just any ordinary turtle...he is...our mascot!" Zeke proudly held up Turters in the air, as the ninja pals instantly thought less of him. "A fine mascot, at that..."
"This guy sounds like the biggest loser on the planet," Kat murmured to Ana, who nodded her head in agreement. Zeke was somehow able to hear Kat, as he gasped at the young ninja girl.
xxx
Cloud dusted his hands off, as he walked down the hallway. But it wouldn't be long before he was met by a certain Crown Prince.
"You!" shouted Zeke, as he and Pandoria stood in Cloud's way. Cloud stopped in his tracks as Zeke pointed at him. "You are the one who kidnapped that funny man with the tunic, aren't you?"
"You mean Link?" asked Cloud - just mention "funny man" and "tunic" in the same breath, and Cloud will instantly know what you were talking about. "Yeah, I wasn't really kidnapping him, I just needed him for a favor."
"Just a favor, eh? And you expect me to believe in your silly little lie? Ha! As if!"
"Sorry that you can't handle the truth...and who are you supposed to be?"
"Glad that you asked...I am Zeke von Genbu, Bringer of Chaos! You may call me Zeke! Or the Zekenator! And this is my blade, Pandoria!"
"...think I'm just gonna call you Zeke, all those monikers sound made-up." Zeke felt utterly defeated when Cloud said that. "Now can you please move out of my way? I'm kinda busy at the moment."
"Busy doing what, exactly? You're not going to run off and kidnap another elfin man, are you?"
"Who knows, I might...I actually see one walking behind you. Better hope that you can stop me before I catch him."
"An elfin man? Where, where is he?" Zeke and Pandoria turned around, as Cloud took the opportunity to walk past the duo. Once Zeke and Pandoria turned back around, they saw that cloud was gone. "Oh! Tried to fool us, did he? We can play his little game..."
xxx
"Spiky hair! We meet again," Zeke pointed at Cloud, who couldn't be any less bothered by the Crown Prince's presence. "It has been recently brought to my attention that you and the elfin boy are friends now. Good stuff, indeed!"
"Who, Link? We've been friends with each other for years." Zeke wanted to believe Cloud, but he couldn't - his ego wouldn't let him. "Now, tell me why you're here again?"
"We're here because of a gift we had to bring...or rather, we had someone to bring for us. A gift for the newest fighters in Smash, Pyra and Mythra!"
"So you're friends with those two...I bet you tire them out easily." Cloud was already tired of just being in Zeke's presence.
"Those two, not as much...but Nia, she's a different story. But deep down, I know that she can't resist me, no matter how much she tries to hide it."
"Well, Zeke, you are a pretty swell gentleman," Cilan said to the Crown Prince, puffing up his ego and making him smile. Cloud shook his head distastefully.
"Now this is what I like to hear! Ooh, come on, yeah, keep it coming!" Zeke was indulging Cilan to flatter him more, and it made Cloud sick to his stomach.
Bowser: Man, what a weirdo...moving right along, our next superlative is "Best Eater"! This was an easy one. This superlative goes out to none other than Louie, who will eat just about anything. Including those cookies that I baked for my kids! Only Bowser Jr. was able to get some, so it wasn't entirely a loss in my book. Roll the footage!
The eating contest was drawing to a close, as Louie and Proto Man were eating away until there was one man left standing. Louie looked like he had this one in the bag, until his stomach felt like it was about to give up. The astronaut picked up a French fry, and looked it at...he wanted to eat it, but something in his mind told him otherwise. But he had to do what he had to do...
"Grandma...this one...is for you..." Mustering all his strength, Louie ate the fry...and then collapsed unto the table, admitting defeat. To add insult to injury, he only had a plate of French fries left...as for Proto Man...
"Well dress me drag and blackface and call me Jynx - Louie has refused to eat another bite, and Proto Man has eaten all his food, which means Proto Man is the winner!" announced Cilan, as the dining room erupted into an euphoria of applause from Mario and company. Weird analogy by Cilan...cultural critics are gonna have an absolute field day with him.
Proto Man: Super happy that I won the eating contest, gotta thank Samus for that mod...though I wish I had a trophy for my efforts. But hey, I beat King Dedede in a fair competition, so that's a huge plus.
"Come to papa..." Kirby said as he sucked up the remaining fries Louie didn't eat, even sucking up the plate. Speaking of Louie, Olimar came over to comfort his fellow employee, whose head was still lying on the table.
"Nice effort you gave Louie, really proud of ya," Olimar gave Louie a comforting pat on the back. Louie's grandma must be proud, too.
xxx
"Are both eaters ready?" Cilan asked Mario and Louie, who either nodded or gave a thumbs up. "Excellent! On your marks...get set...DIG IN!"
And so it was on - Mario and Louie ran over to the cake, and ate it like the rabid beasts that they were. Louie, armed with a fork and knife, would cut individual slices of the Frost-Frosted Cake in rapid succession, and ate the cake slices one-by-one. On the other hand Mario, armed with no eating utensils whatsoever, just ate the cake with his bare hands, scaring the cake down his mouth. This eating technique was of obvious concern to Peach, who fretted that Mario might choke himself.
"Mario please slow down, you don't have to eat so fast!" the princess pleaded to the plumber. Same advice could be given to Louie, though he has already been in similar situations before. Not to mention that he was an eating contest aficionado.
xxx
The eating contest was getting down to the wire, as Yoshi and Ike were both eliminated. It was getting pretty intense with Louie and Bowser, as they were trying to outdo one another.
"Bowser and Louie are both going at it," commentated Mythra, with Bowser and Louie staring each other down as they ate and ate and ate. "Neither one of them is letting up!"
"I won't go out like I did last time," vowed Louie, who was currently scarfing down a plate of fries. He couldn't finish his plate of fries in the last eating contest, but he hoped to redeem himself today.
"What?!" bellowed Bowser, after seeing Louie eat his fries without any problem. The Koopa King grabbed a whole pizza and devoured it in one gulp - only to choke seconds later.
"Oh, dear...Bowser is choking!" fretted Pyra, as Bowser got down on the floor still choking. Louie was about to eat the last fry on his plate, only to see the predicament that Bowser was in and weigh his options.
"Grandma...please forgive me!" Reluctantly placing the fry back on his plate, Louie came to the rescue as he hopped on Bowser's belly to get him to stop choking. Bowser eventually coughed up one-half of the pizza, while swallowing the other half without any trouble.
"Ew, gross..." Mythra grimaced when she saw the pizza on the dining room floor, only to hear her stopwatch going off. "...time's up!"
"Time's up? Did I win?" asked Bowser, throwing Louie off of him as sat up. Didn't even bother to thank Louie for saving his life, what a guy.
"Let's see what we got here..." Mythra looked around the dining room table, seeing who consumed the most food in the allotted time. "...and the winner of the eating contest is...Jasmine, of Olivine City!"
"Oh, did I win?" Jasmine asked with a smile, humbly accepting her victory as she had many cleaned plates in front of her. The most out of everyone. The crowd cheered for Jasmine, with some even chanting her name.
"Guess there's no shame in losing to a girl," shrugged Louie, as he was fine with the final results. But Bowser was not, as his mouth went agape.
Olimar: It's funny, hardly anybody paid attention to Jasmine during the contest. I guess that's what willed her to victory.
xxx
As a recommendation from Cloud, Champion Link was to assist Luigi in eating all the Taco Bell food that Captain Falcon and his boys had purchased. At first, the Hylian imagined the task would be easy given that Luigi had a head start...
"WHY DO THESE BURRITOS TASTE THE SAME?!" Champion Link wondered out loud, as he was eating his third burrito. Luigi, who had to take a break from eating, was chowing down on a burrito without breaking a sweat.
"They're like giant Fruit-a Gushers, hehe," chuckled Luigi, who accidentally wasted some beans on his lap; he was in no mood to clean up his mess. "But only with-a refried beans."
"You're doing good-a Champ - no rush," Mario encouraged Champion Link as he patted the Hylian's back with his hands, keeping him in the game. "This isn't an eating contest."
"I can see that..." muttered Champion Link, forcing himself to take another bite of his burrito. Cloud returned to the dining room, as he brought a guest with him who happened to love food.
"Look who I brought," announced Cloud, as he brought Louie from Omnis Adest; when Louie saw the Taco Bell food that was present, he was instantly on cloud nine.
"Woah! I haven't seen this much Mexcian food ever since I first started my quarter-life crisis," marveled Louie, as Cloud turned his head to Mario wanting to ask several questions. Mario silently told Cloud to hold off.
"With that much energy, you must be hungry." Cloud expected Louie to take a seat with Luigi and Champion Link and join them, but for whatever reason Louie remained where he was.
"No thanks, I already had Taco Bell." Well, it was a worthy shot by Cloud - at least he could say that he tried. "And Chipotle. And that food truck that sells tacos for cheap."
"You had Taco Bell and Chipotle?" Mario questioned Louie, never imagining the astronaut to be that daring. But when you had an appetite like Louie, daring was totally normal.
"And the tacos from that food truck - all at the same time, no less. Mr. Game and Watch now has to replace my toilet, so you can only imagine how that excursion went."
"Clearly you're no help - now get lost," Cloud said to Louie, who left the dining room and into the kitchen. Louie was apprehended by El Fuerte soon after.
Louie: The masked man I met in the kitchen blessed me with one of the greatest dishes ever...whatever this is! *holds up a bowl of El Furte's concoction - El Fuerte Super Duper Hero Mole* I'm the only person that enjoys this creation, which puts me in rare company with... *thinks for a moment ultimately before giving up* ...either way, it feels nice to be part of a very special club.
xxx
"Hey, Olimar! Sorry that I was late," greeted the astronaut who just showed up, Louie, nearly out of breath as he ran from Omnis Adest to the front yard of the mansion. "Had to back up my essentials."
"Louie, you're not part of the crew," Olimar broke the bad news, who would've been met with disappointment if he wasn't so totally convinced that he was coming along. "Who even told you about our space mission?"
"Nobody did. I had a hunch, you know?" After a shrug of his shoulders, Louie opened his briefcase to show what "essentials" he brought. "Got plenty of snacks for everyone."
"That's a bottle of toothpaste," Mega Man pointed out, as Louie was holding up a tube of toothpaste. The extreme whitening kind.
"Exactly...it's a snack. You can't eat it anyway 'cause you're a robot." Louie placed the toothpaste back in the briefcase and then took out an extra space suit, showing it off. "Here's my stealth camo - made extra sure it was spaceworthy."
"I'm not sure that'll be necessary, but...just get on the launchpad," Olimar said to Louie, who joined the others on the launchpad much to everyone's chagrin.
Bowser: Louie considered toothpaste a snack? Well, I guess when you eat anything in sight, you'd think everything is food. Wouldn't surprise me if he ate gardening soil in secret. The next superlative might be offensive to the person that it's bestowed upon, but I don't care. They did it to themselves. This superlative is "Biggest Anime Nerd", and believe it or not, someone out there has Travis Touchdown beat in the otaku department. Travis has a woman, but this guy doesn't. Now introducing...Hal Emmerich!
"Hi, my name is Hal Emmerich!" Hal kindly greeted the Luminary, holding a flashlight in his hands. The hacker adjusted his glasses as he got a good look at the Luminary's costume. "I see that you're a big fan of Dragon Ball Z. What a coincidence!"
"Actually, I don't really care for that kind of stuff," the Luminary told Hal, who was both surprised and upset at the same time. Hal was so close to finding himself a soul brother. "I was forced to dress up as..."
"Hal! You made it back!" a certain former spy shouted, as Snake ran to the front door like the Flash and knocked the Luminary away. The Luminary landed on the floor, as Snake brought Hal inside.
"Just like you wanted me to!" smiled Hal, who couldn't help but notice Snake's anime costume. Snake was Asuma Sarutobi, the late jonin from the Hidden Leaf Village. "Nice Asuma costume, by the way."
"That's the name of the guy I'm cosplaying as?" Snake looked down at his threads, wishing that one of the residents had clued him in sooner. "Is this Asuma guy any good?"
"Are you telling me that you've never watched Naruto, Snake?" Hal was so shocked, and Snake had no idea what the big deal was, hoping that Hal wasn't taking things too personally.
"Be honest with me, Hal...do I even look like the kind of guy that would watch that anime crap? I'm only dressed like this because my spy suit was stolen."
"And I take it that your regular clothes were stolen too?" Hal had rarely seen Snake wear everyday civilian clothing, and his curiosity was always orbiting around that one thought in his mind.
"No, it's just...this is a thing Master Hand likes to do. He'll steal our clothes while we're asleep, and force us to play dress-up for a day. We've been through this three times before when we were dressed up as superheroes."
"You make it seem like both a good thing and a bad thing." Hal would've loved to be a fly on the wall when all that superhero stuff was going down. "I was kinda hoping that the mansion was having some kind of mini comic-con."
"Settle down, you little nerdy weirdo...we have way bigger priorities to handle." Snake turned his head back at the Luminary, who was looking at him while on the floor, before returning his attention to Hal and leaning in close. "That journal..."
xxx
Mario was out of his Iron Man suit, complaining nonstop about how hot it made him feel. The plumber sat in his living room, sweating buckets, with a few house fans surrounding him blowing air.
"This is what I get for keeping the suit-a in the garage for almost three years..." remarked Mario as he fanned himself with a magazine, believing that he learned a big lesson today. His Iron Man suit was lying on the floor, next to the sofa he was sitting on.
"I must say, this metal feels awfully authentic," observed Hal as he picked up the Iron Man helmet, feeling the hardness and texture. "Has Master Hand ever specified where he got this suit from?"
"Master Hand never tells us where he got our superhero suits from," replied Peach, as Hal was staring at the princess with a newfound intrigue. And Peach honestly had no clue as to why.
"You have a superhero costume too, Princess Peach?!" Hal almost felt his glasses slide down his nose once more, as he almost leaped forward at Peach with heavy excitement. "Show me!"
"Easy there, tiger," Mario calmed down Hal, not wanting the hacker to act too weird around his wife. Hal slowly backed off, as he sat back down on the couch. "Peach isn't gonna put her Miss-a Marvel suit on, just like that."
"I don't care if Peach wears her costume not - I just wanted to see it for myself." Not much of a surprise that an anime nerd like Hal also had somewhat of a soft spot for comic book heroes. And perhaps villains.
Hal: *sighs deeply* I am such a depraved man...
xxx
Unfortunately for the cameramen that were stuck at the abandoned land, there was no room on the Warp Star that led to Waddle Dee Town. So they had to find Waddle Dee Town by themselves on foot, and they got there eventually.
What was Waddle Dee Town, you ask? As the name obviously implied, it was a town where a bunch of Waddle Dees lived. It was more of a settlement, per se, but it still had a bunch of attractions.
"This place is wonderful!" gleamed Hal, as he and the boys were strolling around town past the Waddle Dee settlers. "It has it all. A movie theater? A weapons shop? A gacha machine alley?!"
"Write-a that down, write that down..." Mario whispered to Luigi, who was asked by his twin brother to write down a list of attractions. Being in Waddle Dee Town clearly inspired Mario.
Mario: Joker isn't the only person that can make-a innovations to the mansion. Watch out - I'll be the one-a to show him up! What exactly will I prove? *shrugs* Nothing wrong-a with bragging rights.
"Easy there, tiger," Snake said to Hal, fearing that his anime-loving friend would spend too much time at the gacha machine alley. "Besides, aren't gacha machines for little kids only?"
"But they have them at Japanese nightclubs," Hal stated matter-of-factly, as Snake stopped in place and gave the hacker a weird look. "Most of which are anime-inspired! Yeah..."
"Let me guess, they play those anime songs that nerds like you go gaga over. Like what, Golden Wind? If I even see you break out into that dance..."
xxx
The Christmas sweater contest was going to start anytime soon, and Beleth had yet to acquire a sweater. Running out of his options, the professor consulted Hal, thinking that he was the right person to ask. But little did he know...
"Hope you like anime Christmas sweaters," Hal said to Beleth, presenting to the professor a Christmas sweater with Dio Brando on it. It featured Dio doing a certain thing from a certain Internet meme.
"'You were expecting a sweater, but it was me, Dio,'" Beleth read the message on the sweater, showing his confusion as he furrowed his brow. "I don't get it, is it truly a sweater or not?"
"Do you not follow memes?" Hal began to pity Beleth, as he tossed the Dio Brando sweater away while letting out a sigh. Finding the right Christmas sweater for Beleth proved to be harder than it looked.
Hal: Snake will often call me a nerd for looking up memes, and being amused at them. But as I keep telling him, I know one person out there who's not terminally online and appreciates meme culture. I have yet to meet this person.
"Let's go with a reindeer sweater," said Hal as he pulled out another Christmas sweater, this one featuring Tony Tony Chopper of One Piece fame in his adorable hybrid form. "You like?"
"I'm not a fan," admitted Beleth, as Hal gasped at the sorcery that came out of Beleth's mouth; anyone who wasn't a fan of Chopper was an enemy to Hal. "Your sweaters don't exactly appeal to me."
"Fine then, have it your way, wise guy..." Digging into his pocket, Hal pulled out several dollar bills and handed them to Beleth. "...since you want to be picky, you can buy your own sweater yourself!"
"I hate that it had to come to this, but sadly I have no choice." Hal stuffed the dollar bills in his pocket, forced to take his search for a Christmas sweater to the clothing store. "Thanks for nothing..."
xxx
"Tell me exactly what we're getting out from doing this," Shadow asked Wily, who led the hedgehog and Hammer Bro to the mansion's basement. Wily had a bag of tools hoisted over his shoulders.
"We will prevent someone from making some very poor life decisions," replied Wily, as Shadow and Hammer Bro looked at each other - both confused and very much unconvinced. "If you were in my shoes, you would know..."
"Seems like you're just being selfish to me," remarked Hammer Bro as the trio arrived at the basement...only to hear some commotion from behind the basement door. "Wait, I hear some folks down there!"
"It seems that someone tried to beat us to the punch..." Wily saw that the doorknob to the basement door was cut off - likely by a sharp blade. "...Shadow, would you like to do the honors?"
"Only because you asked nicely," replied Shadow, as he approached the door and kicked it down wide open. Shadow, Wily, and Hammer Bro ran inside the basement, certain that another group was trying to destroy with the time machine themselves.
Turns out the three were right, as they saw Snake, Hal, and Gray Fox all present in the basement. However, the three were only standing around, while Serenoa, Roland, Benedict, and Frederica were damaging the time machine themselves.
"Never have I've seen a contraption quite like this..." Benedict analyzed the time machine, as he was observing it much more than he was damaging it. Hardly got any licks in. "...can it really send one back in time?"
"You can bet your socks it can," replied Snake, bothered by the fact that only Frederica was casting magic on the time machine. "Sword guys, what's the big deal? Use your magic already!"
"But we don't really have any magic," stated Roland, trying his best as he and Serenoa struck the time machine with their swords. "We're just swordsmen!"
"Liar! I know you two have magic, stop hiding it. Use it or I'll kill you!" Rather than using the magic that they didn't have, Serenoa and Roland struck the time machine even harder.
"Ahem..." Wily spoke up, as Serenoa and company paused their attack on the time machine and looked up at the robot inventor, Shadow, and Hammer Bro. "...what is the meaning of this?"
"You wanted the time machine gone, did you not?" Gray Fox asked Wily, leading the robot inventor to wonder how much he was following after him. "We were merely doing you a favor."
"Who are those punks doing a horrible job at destroying it, though?" inquired Shadow as he got a good look at Serenoa and company, as Snake felt a sudden urge to defend the four's honor.
"These punks are my 'friends,'" Snake snapped on Shadow, cringing slightly as Hal gave the former spy a surprised look. Did Snake remember the names of the four visitors? "Diet version Beleth, ponytail man, four-eyes...and that chick from Darling in the Franxx."
"Darling in the what now...?" Frederica crinkled her nose, as she had no clue what Snake was even talking about. Hal looked surprised at Snake once more.
"You watch Darling in the Franxx?" the hacker asked Snake, deeply appreciating his friend if he answered yes. Would be nice to find out that your friend loved anime as much as you did.
"If by watch, you mean checking out this anime clips you strangely sent to my email..." replied Snake, as Hal had a smile full of guilt. Who knew that he was that kind of anime fan?
xxx
"Listen up! It's going down..." said Shiver, who was sitting next to Frye while Big Man was positioned behind a television screen in the lounge. "...repping the Splatlands, we are DEEP CUT!"
"Anarchy Splatcast! We're live!" announced Frye, expressing her excitement as she raised her fists while Lakitu was serving as the cameraman. Hal passed by the lounge when he looked inside and saw Deep Cut.
"Ay! Ay!" exclaimed Big Man, as Hal conspicuously entered the lounge looking for someone. Shiver and Frye couldn't help but notice the hacker, who had already captured the Octoling and Inklings' attention.
"Look, Shiver! It's Snake's nerdy friend!" exclaimed Frye as she pointed at Hal; Lakitu turned his camera to Hal, who was frozen in place as his cover was perfectly blown.
"I am not a nerd...I'm a man who appreciates culture," Hal said defensively to Frye, leading to some amused reactions from the Deep Cut trio. And even Lakitu himself, as he stifled his laughter. "It's not funny, it's the truth!"
"Anime fans...they're always so defensive," smirked Shiver, fanning herself with her fan as Hal's face was turning red. Big Man was stoking the fire as he kept saying "Ay! Ay!" over and over again.
"AND YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH THIS INSTANT!" Hal pointed and yelled at Big Man, as he had just about enough of the manta ray's carping. The hacker's outburst made for a tense moment, as everyone's eyes went wide looking at Hal.
"Relax! All Big Man said was that Cowboy Bebop is the best anime," Frye explained to Hal, who went from being angry with Big Man to appreciating the manta ray on a highly intellectual level. "But if you ask me, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood is far more superior!"
"Only those with an acquired taste prefer Yu Yu Hakusho," stated Shiver, flexing slightly on her co-hosts as she shared what her favorite anime was. "Fortunately for me, I have an acquired taste."
"Guess we all have a nerdy side to us," smiled Hal as he looked proudly at the members of Deep Cut, feeling proud - and maybe even vindicated - as he heard the treasure hunters talk about anime. He couldn't wait to tell Snake.
Hal: Deep Cut, they're alright in my book. I ought to buy one of their posters and hang it on the wall next to the Squid Sisters one. Just a poster of Shiver and Frye, though.
Bowser: Deep Cut...they're not alright in my book. Yu Yu Hakusho and Cowboy Bebop, the best anime around? Please. The best anime is easily Fruits Basket. *eyes around* which Wendy totally did not show to me. Never got hooked to the show, no siree. Erm...winding down now! Our second-to-last superlative is "Biggest Showoff", and I can think of one of Lucina's friends who meets the criteria. And that friend of hers is Owain.
"Dodgeball...SERVE!" shouted Owain, being as theatrical as ever, as he served the ball over the net and to Cynthia's side. Cynthia was so amazed by Owain's serve, that she didn't even bother sending the ball back.
"Wow, Owain, that was another awesome serve!" Cynthia complimented the myrmidon, who greatly appreciated the kind remark as he gave a cocky grin. Judging by how the volleyball game was going, Owain must be up ten to zero.
xxx
The egg hunt carried on out in the mansion's backyard, and so far Owain was killing it. The myrmidon found an Easter egg lying on the ground and picked it up, holding it as if it were a rare piece of treasure!
"I have found yet another egg!" Owain announced loudly to nobody in particular, feeling proud of himself as he dropped his egg on the basket. Severa, who was nearby, rolled her eyes in response.
"Must you do that for every egg you find?" the mercenary asked Owain, wishing that she could take her basket full of eggs and bash it against Owain's head. "It's gotten annoying after a while."
"How else am I supposed to let everyone know about my progress?" Owain looked through the nearby shrubbery and gleamed when he found yet another Easter egg. "Another egg found! Ladies and gentlemen, I am on a roll!"
xxx
"Pit!" a certain myrmidon shouted from afar, as Sonic and company saw Owain armed with his sword looking for a fight. "Word has spread that you are 'Him'. Is that correct?"
"Uh...why are you asking?" asked Pit as he eyed around; a confrontation with Owain was certainly not in his plans for today.
"Because I've come to take your title! I shall be the one who will be called Him!"
Owain: Being fooled by Gex was not a good look for me. Left a bad taste in my mouth. That bad taste was further aggravated when Marth broke the news that we were going from slaying Heartless to being "guardian angels". How can I possibly show off my bravado as a "guardian angel"? It's impossible! That's why I must defeat Pit to become "Him", and keep my glory intact.
"Be ready, Pit!" shouted Owain, sword in hand and charging down the hallway while letting out a battle cry. Before Owain could strike, B.D. Joe held out his hand to stop the myrmidon in his tracks.
"You wanna be Him, huh?" B.D. Joe asked Owain, who was debating striking down Pit's hype man with his sword. "Then go ahead. Be Him. The title's all yours."
"Surrending on Pit's behalf? I'll take it..." Preferring to fight Pit to the death, Owain was forced to accept the surrender as he put his sword back in his holster. "...from now on, Owain will be referred to as 'Him'! Friends and strangers alike shall rejoice!"
"Have fun!" Pit called out to Owain, who walked away feeling like the man once again. The angel took off his sunglasses and gold chains and handed them over to Sonic. "That was some pretty good advice you gave me just now. Sure needed it."
"Always looking out for ya," Sonic assured Pit, putting the gold chains and sunglasses in his imaginary pocket. "While you're still here...want some of Palutena's hot dog chili?"
xxx
"Owain, why are you following me?" Rosalina asked the myrmidon, unable to go for a simple outside stroll without Owain literally breathing down her neck.
"Because I'm HIM!" proclaimed Owain, who went about boasting the mantle that was bestowed upon him two episodes ago. "I am the dominant force that shines light through the darkness!"
"And because of that, you feel the need to stalk me? Not exactly what I'd call 'Him' behavior." Trying to shake off Owain, Rosalina took a seat at the picnic table up ahead...and Owain sat right next to her.
"As Him, it's my duty to keep everyone I love protected. Anything less is beneath my standards." The more Owain rambled on, the more uncomfortable Rosalina became.
Lucina: Owain won't stop telling everyone that he's "Him", and that has made him even more insufferable. Pit's trying-to-be-cool schtick was a bad influence, and yet no one believed me when I warned them.
Donkey Kong: Owain is Him now, eh? Never too late to be his complementary piece. In fact, I can see a whole lot of similarities between Owain and Him! Him dresses like a depraved metrosexual, and Owain is...uh, what was I talking about again? *scratches his head*
xxx
The Dia de Ação de Graça feast was chugging right along at the Omnis Adest community center, as Amigo and his students alike were having fun. However, no one was having more fun than Owain.
"I am Owain, and I am HIM!" proclaimed Owain as he proceeded to eat his turkey leg, taking a huge bite out of it. The myrmidon then offered his leg to the person he was sitting next to, Rosalina. "Help yourself, Rosalina!"
"No thank you, I have my own turkey leg," Rosalina kindly responded, but that didn't stop Owain from bringing his turkey leg close to the mother of Lumas's mouth. Rosalina had to give Owain the hand.
Researcher Zelda: Rosalina wanted to attend Amigo's Thanksgiving dinner, and part of the reason why was so she could avoid Owain. Hope everything works out.
"Dance with me, my sweet Rosa!" Owain said to Rosalina as he took her hands and brought her up on the table. Owain was dancing on the table and wanted the awkward-looking Rosalina to follow suit. "My hips do not lie!"
"Watch the food, watch the food!" Amigo called out to Owain, making sure that the turkey wasn't touched. Owain was mindful of the turkey and the other food items as he moved his feet to the music.
"Witness the grand finale of my samba waltz!" Commanding an entire audience, Owain broke free from Rosalina and leaped up in the air. When the myrmidon landed...he did a painful split that had Owain grimacing in pain.
"Oof...that's gotta hurt," Sonic winced in sympathy for Owain, who was left screaming in pain as he rolled off of the table. Rosalina looked at Owain momentarily, before getting down and simply sitting back down in her chair.
Bowser: Gotta say, Owain makes himself out as the biggest liar on planet Earth when he does that "I am Him" drivel. If he is "Him", then Wario is "slim"! Ha! Made a rhyme! I wonder how that bloke Wario is handling himself in jail, though. Waluigi...eh.) Now it's time for our last superlative - "Most Self-Aware". This goes out to the individual who knows too much, who knows more than he should. One might go as far as saying that they're "woke", as the kids would say. Only one person comes to mind, and one person only...the person that I hopefully stole enough thunder from with this episode. Cranky Kong!
"Punch! Punch those leopards! Yeah!" exclaimed Lloyd as he was in the computer room, playing a game called "First Person Puncher". The objective of the game was super self-explanatory. As Lloyd kept on playing the game, Cranky Kong entered the computer room.
"How do you do, fellow kids?" Cranky Kong, unleashing his inner child, asked Coco, Futaba, and Fuuka who were huddled around a computer together. The three ladies stopped what they were doing and looked at Cranky with weird looks.
"Uh...what?" asked Coco, as she understandably looked confused; thinking that the blonde bandicoot wasn't that hip, Cranky Kong shook his head.
"Oh, I see how it is...when the author does a reference, everyone loves it! But when I try to do the same thing, I just get weird looks! I see through your double standards."
"Riiiiight...whatever you say, Cranky," responded Futaba, as she and the other girls went back to what they were doing. Cranky Kong shook his head once more, as he made his way over to Lloyd.
Donkey Kong: Invited my grandpa Cranky over to the mansion...and yes, he's still rambling on about some so-called "author". He said he wouldn't stop until he broke the fourth wall down, and put an end to the author's misery. It really sucks to see most grandpas act like crazy loons, and my gramps unfortunately had to be one of them.
xxx
"I bet that your pals are still talking about how I owned that Dr. Brio," Cranky Kong said to Donkey Kong, who let the elderly gorilla inside the mansion. Weirdly, Cranky felt like he was back at home.
"Not really," replied Donkey Kong, as he led Cranky to the living room. Cranky had the biggest frown on his face. "We kinda forgot about what you did after Cloud was named man of the mansion."
"Bah! That blasted author probably erased the memory from everyone's minds." Donkey Kong chuckled to himself, as he and Cranky entered the living room.
xxx
If you might recall, the Smash Life documentary was in charge of two producers - LeVar and Brad. The producers were giving a few mansion guests - Cranky Kong, Amy Rose, Birdo, and Phoenix Wright - a brief tour of the documentary crew. Not because they felt like it, but because Master Hand deliberately forced them to.
"...and this guy right here is our boom guy, Johnny," a totally uninterested and annoyed LeVar introduced the guests to Johnny the boom guy. Not wanting to speak or say a word - and for good reason - Johnny simply waved to the guests.
"Quick question: how does the author of this story pick out the names of the documentary crew members?" asked Cranky Kong, as he raised his finger to be identified. That gorilla couldn't resist but break the fourth wall, when the opportunity presented itself.
"The author of what story?" questioned Brad, as he and LeVar looked at one another in extreme confusion. The other guests were confused as well, but Cranky was not the one to be denied.
"Don't play dumb with me, you stupid millennial! I know all your secrets. You two must secretly be in kahoots with the author himself!"
"We really don't know what you're talking about," stated LeVar, letting out a slight bit of laughter. Cranky didn't know what LeVar found funny.
"I bet you don't know why this stinking story is over two and a half million words! Tell me, tell the the author's name! No, wait...tell me the author's REAL name! We must know right away!"
"I don't really want to know, to be honest," stated Amy, only to be bonked in the head by Cranky's cane. The pink hedgehog winced in pain, as she frowned at Cranky.
"You just say that because you're scared. You're scared of learning more, and knowing that you're actually in a story, not a documentary. All of this - the camera guys, the boom guy - it's all a big lie!"
"SECURITY!" shouted Brad, as Copper and Booker immediately showed up to the scene. The police dog duo grabbed Cranky, and dragged the gorilla away. With Cranky gone, the tour could continue in peace.
"Since when did this stupid mansion have security?! This must be the work of that horrible author - he's trying to put me down! Let me at him, let me at him!"
"I thought those dogs were just mansion guards..." LeVar spoke with Brad, watching as Cranky was dragged outside by Copper and Booker. Good riddance.
"Oh they are - they'll respond to just about anything," replied Brad, as LeVar nodded his head knowingly with his finger underneath his chin. "Just don't mention anything about guns in front of Booker, just saying..."
Bowser: Come to think of it, how is Cranky Kong still living at Omnis Adest? Is he living off his glory days of kidnapping hot women and holding them hostage at a construction site? Or maybe he did what Gex did, and showed him some texts.
But that's all folks! Would give out more superlatives, but people would get too greedy. Don't want that. But since you stuck around until the very end, I could show you some more new footage...ah, screw it, I'ma do it anyway. You can thank me later.
Mansion residents, tower denizens, and guests alike were gathered in the ballroom for a Kwanzaa celebration, celebrating the fourth principle of the holiday - Ujamaa. Ujamaa was a word that essentially meant familyhood. Everyone was family in the ballroom, including the guest of honor, Raiden.
"I feel ridiculous..." muttered Raiden, who wasn't wearing anything fancy - just a simple gold-adorned black robe that he wore over his ninja suit. He was expecting far worse.
"You mean fabulous!" exclaimed Isabelle, standing next to Raiden so that the mercenary would feel like he was a part of things. Fox came over to Raiden with a drink in hand, as he acknowledged Raiden's attire.
"Looking good, Raiden," Fox commended the mercenary, who was forced to accept the compliment as hard as it was. "Sorry that you were unable to deliver an awesome performance at the holiday musical."
"It is what it is. Very curious how so many people ended up sick so quickly at the same time." Speaking of being sick, some loud coughing was heard as Raiden and company saw Falco coughing up a storm.
"Don't mind me...I have the bird flu," Falco said to Joker and Makoto, feeling fatigued as he almost ran into a column. Recognizing how sick Falco was, Joker and Makoto kept a safe distance.
"Hope you get well soon," responded Joker, as Falco walked away from the couple still coughing. "Should he even be here?" Joker asked Makoto, as Falco scared people off in the ballroom with his visible sickness.
Fox: The cast members recovered very quickly, but Falco ended up being very sick. That's what he gets for getting all touchy with Dorothea, with her strep throat. Wii Fit Trainer has urged him to stay away form everyone and quarantine, but I know Falco better than anyone...he rarely listens. He thinks that because he doesn't have COVID, he's not obligated to quarantine. We're gonna have some problems if he ever gets Marcus sick.
"Been meaning to ask you, when are you going back to the manor?" Isabelle curiously asked Raiden, who was reminded of the fellas and felines at the All-Star Manor. As he thought about those individuals, Raiden was reminded why he stayed away from the manor for so long.
"I did promise Polygon Man that I would be back in time for Thanksgiving," replied Raiden, knowing that Thanksgiving had come and gone - and that his Thanksgiving at the mansion was better than any he spent at the manor. "Perhaps I'll surprise him in the next year..."
Bowser: There you go. there's your precious new footage. Now you can leave me alone about...Whuzzat? Master Hand has something that he wants to share with Mario? My first time hearing that. But whatever it is, I'm sure it will be revealed soon. Must be Master Hand wanting to tell Mario just ow lame he is, hahaha! But that's enough for today. See you cool people in 2024!