He knew that he'd ruined things. He knew that he'd made a mess of the entire situation and a part of him wasn't sure what would solve it. His son had attacked him. His son had used his powers against him and he couldn't begin to explain how that made him feel. He knew that his relationship with Ryan was strained. He was aware of that, but he didn't know how to fix it. A part of him thought that it would be easy to solve, but it hadn't been. Ryan seemed to be going against him at every turn and he wasn't entirely sure how to get him on board, especially when Victoria had his ear. She was constantly with him and praising him for doing things that she thought was right. But that was his wife. He knew who she was and he couldn't play ignorant.
He'd fallen in love with her and he knew that maybe it had been a mistake. Looking back on it, he knew that perhaps it might have been easier if he had left her to get beaten up in that alleyway. He wouldn't be in the predicament he was in now if he'd just left it alone. Victoria wouldn't be in it either.
But then he wouldn't have had Evelyn. He wouldn't have known what it was like to have someone love him and want nothing in return. That had been a novel concept when they'd first gotten together. He'd never had that before. He'd never had someone look at him and love him just because of who he was. But the issue was that she didn't love him for who he was. She loved the man he pretended to be for her, but he found that so easy. He found it so easy to be the man she wanted.
He didn't know why he'd gone to that apartment. It hadn't even been his apartment. It was empty. Clearly, the landlord hadn't managed to find new tenants since they'd moved out. He broke in easy enough with a simple push on the door. There was no furniture and the place smelt slightly of damp. His boots stomped over the wooden floors, hearing the floorboards squeak as he moved through the kitchen, looking to the stove and remembering the countless mugs of tea he'd made her as she sat at the breakfast bar and worked.
"I have to work, John," she'd laugh as he stood behind her, arms around her waist and holding her back to his chest. She'd smile widely as he bent down and kissed her neck tenderly, trying to distract her.
"Ten minutes," he urged from her. "Come on…ten minutes and then you can work and I'll sit quietly and just watch you."
"You think that's not distracting?" Victoria questioned from her boyfriend, her brow arching and an amused expression forming on her face as she turned her head over her shoulder to look him in the eye before she reached a hand up, stroking his smooth cheek.
"I think it's a good distraction," he replied and kissed her quickly.
Leaving the kitchen, he went down the small corridor towards her old bedroom. Pushing the door open, it groaned under the movement. There was still her bedframe there and her desk and wardrobe. He remembered how he'd slept peacefully in that bed besides her. Sure, the mattress had been uncomfortable and it got unbearably hot in the summer, but he'd liked it. It had been cramped, but it meant that he'd been closer to her.
Things had been simpler when they had just been them. He wasn't going to deny that. But life wasn't simple. It couldn't be simple. How could it be? Things had changed so much and he had to see it all through to the end. He had to do it because he was scared what might happen if he didn't.
…
Victoria had managed to settle Evelyn down and put her to bed without upsetting her any further. She just told her that her dad had to go out for a little while, but he'd be back for Christmas morning. Victoria wasn't entirely sure if that was true, but she wasn't going to upset her any further. She'd then gone into Ryan's room where he was sat on the bed, legs curled underneath his body and eyes wet with tears. Closing the door behind her, Victoria went to sit by the end of his bed.
"I'm sorry," she said to him. "I'm sorry you had to see that."
"You were scared of him," Ryan said. "I could hear it."
"He…we just had a fight," Victoria said to Ryan and she shook her head slowly. "Sometimes adults fight and we say things that we don't mean."
Ryan watched Victoria and she tried not to let him see how worried she was about everything. She didn't want to be where she was. If she had her way then she'd grab both of the kids and she'd leave. She'd go if she thought that it would achieve anything. But it wouldn't. Nothing would change because he would just find them.
"I've heard you before," Ryan said to her. "I've heard you arguing when you think I'm not listening. He…he says that he loves you and you love him…but you fight so much."
Victoria nodded her head once. She wasn't going to deny that. She just stiffly nodded once and sniffed, eyes glazing over. She played with the engagement ring on her finger. So much for her trying to shelter the kids. "We do fight," Victoria said to Ryan. "And I know that we fight, Ryan, but he…he's my husband. We work through things and we've been happy, right? We've been happy together?"
Victoria knew that this was going to be harder than she'd initially anticipated. She'd have to fake being happy with Homelander for the sake of Ryan and Evelyn, but she knew that they'd see through it in time. She'd seen through her own parent's façade. Ryan was already seeing through theirs. How could they give them a stable and loving childhood if they were going to be at each other's throats all of the time?
"I know we have been," Ryan agreed on that point, "but we're not always happy. I was always happy with my mom…it…it was never like this."
"I know," Victoria agreed, "and I'm sorry for everything that's going on, Ryan. I'm sorry you've had to see it…and your dad…how he behaved tonight was unacceptable and I think he'll realise that," again, she wasn't sure if he would, "and I know that this isn't fair on you and Evie. I want you both to be happy and feel safe…Christ, I never had that growing up, and I swore that I'd never let you both feel like that and I…I know that I'm not doing a good job. I know that, but I want to. I want to do a good job."
"No," Ryan said with a quick shake of his head. "You do a good job. You're a good mom."
But Victoria didn't feel like a good mother. She didn't feel like she was protecting her kids. She closed her eyes and forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat. She stood up again and crouched down by Ryan's side, hand going to his arm.
"I'm sorry," she said to him again, "and I'll fix it. I'll fix things…I promise," she said and she kissed him on the forehead. "Get some sleep and I'll talk to your dad. He's not going to be mad with you. I'll make sure of it."
"I'm not sure you can," Ryan confessed and Victoria suspected her might be right.
"I can try," she assured him. "Come on, try and sleep, and I'll see you in the morning, alright?"
Ryan just nodded his head, but he suspected he wasn't going to get much sleep. Victoria tucked him in and turned the light out before going back downstairs. She saw that Homelander had destroyed some of the Christmas decorations before he'd left. There was a nutcracker broken in half and the wreath on the fireplace was in shreds. Victoria shook her head and she set about tidying it up, not wanting the kids to come down to a mess. Once she'd finished, she sat at the dining table in the kitchen, bottle of scotch in front of her. She didn't bother to check her phone or try to distract herself. She just waited for him to come home.
The clock struck one a.m. when Victoria realised that it was officially Christmas Day. He came into the apartment and found her sat at the dining table, bottle of scotch opened and her glass full. Homelander remained silent as he went to sit down by her side. He didn't bother to ask for permission to take her glass and tip the alcohol down his throat. Victoria looked down to the table, wondering who was going to talk first. In the end, neither of them said anything. He moved his gloved hand out towards her arm, turning it over gently and laying it on the kitchen table.
He saw a bruise forming just beneath the crease of her upper arm and forearm. His thumb ran over it and he bowed his head, kissing it tenderly and then resting his forehead on the table. Victoria looked to his blond locks and she felt her fingers itch to run through them just like she had done numerous times before. But she didn't. She just let him hold onto her arm by her wrist.
"The kids are scared," she said to him, voice hoarse. "Evelyn was crying and Ryan knows we've been arguing."
Homelander kept his face pressed to the wooden table. Victoria reached for the bottle of scotch and took a swig straight from it, bypassing the glass entirely. She downed a shot, letting it burn her throat and enjoying the sensation on the way down.
"We swore that this would never happen," Victoria said to her husband. "We swore that we'd never let them know a childhood like we had…and we're failing them…we're failing those children up there because we can't be together. We're going to fuck them up."
"Don't say that," Homelander urged from her and he picked his face up, hand reaching for hers and clinging to it firmly. "We're not going to let them have what we had."
"How're we going to stop it, John? We can't go five minutes without being at each other's throats and you know it," she retorted. "And I don't know how to keep doing this…being your wife…you want that from me, but you can't be my husband."
"I can be. I have been. You just need to let me," he begged from her. "Let me love you, Vicky. Let me be there for you."
"I can't," Victoria said, "not anymore. I can't do this…please…for Ryan and Evie…we can't be together. We're going to hurt them, not just each other, and I can't let that happen. We can't let that happen. They deserve better."
"And they will have better because that's why I'm doing what I'm doing," he said. "I just need you to accept it. You know that you can. Deep down, you know that you can."
"And deep down you know I won't because you know who I am," Victoria said. "We might love each other, John, but we're not good together. I need you to let me go. Please…let me go…Evie was crying because she was scared. Ryan thinks that you're angry with him because he was trying to protect me and he's…I think he's scared. I can't let him be scared. I can't let either of them be scared."
"You don't see it, do you?" Homelander asked her, picking his head up fully, eyes full of tears and Victoria felt her own begin to fall down her cheek. "I can't let you go, Vicky. I can't let you go because I need you. Without you, I don't know what I'd do. You're the only thing that makes me happy…the only woman I'll ever want. I know that things have been bad between us, but they don't need to be. There's going to be ways around this…and I know you love me too. I know you love me."
"I do love you," Victoria said to him, nodding her head, "but I love those kids too. I can't let them suffer because of us."
"And they won't," Homelander said to her, shaking his head quickly. "Not anymore. I promise."
"We've promised each other so much, John," Victoria said, "it just feels like there's nothing left for us to hold onto at this point."
"There is," Homelander said and he lifted his hand up to her cheek, cupping it in his fingertips and moving closer to her, scooting to the edge of his seat. "What we have is worth keeping and you know that. No one else can ever come close."
"No one else does," Victoria said, thinking for a moment of Alex and longing just to see him one more time. "And you can yell at me to accept what you're doing. You can beg for me to see that you're doing it for our kids. We can keep masking over everything or we can face up to the truth that we're finished."
"No," Homelander said firmly, shaking his head and she took his wrist and moved it from her cheek. "We've worked through so much. We can work through this."
"You think we worked through it?" Victoria questioned from him. "We didn't work through it, John. You think I've ever been able to look over what you did? How you raped Becca? How you let a plane full of people die? How you kill without a second thought? We haven't worked through any of it, John, and everything that you've done…I've tried to ignore it because I knew you would never let me go and I hate that I found myself finding it easy to be with you…to want to be with you…but eventually the cracks grow and things come crashing down. We're at that stage, John, and you know it."
Homelander continued crying and Victoria wondered if she'd ever seen him like this before. A part of him looked broken and she was beginning to wonder if she was getting through to him. She was beginning to wonder if he was finally accepting that they couldn't be happy together because too much had happened.
"Two weeks," Homelander said to her. "Give me two weeks to prove to you that we'll be fine."
"What do you think two weeks is going to achieve?" Victoria questioned from him. "By that stage you'll have assassinated Singer."
"After five years together…two kids…all I want is two weeks," Homelander said to her. "We should give the kids the Christmas we promised them, right? And when we've done that, then we can talk and discuss next steps."
Victoria arched her brow, sceptical. "And if I still want to leave?"
"Then we discuss separation," Homelander said, almost choking on the word. "We can discuss it and the practicalities."
"You mean it?"
"I mean it," Homelander said. "But it won't come to that. You'll see that we're good together and we will be fine."
Victoria didn't argue with him on that point. She just nodded her head and slipped from her seat. Standing up, she began to tuck her chair under the table. Before she could go, Homelander had stood up alongside her and reached for her hand again, fingertips brushing against hers. Looking down, he noted her engagement ring sparkling in the light.
"Merry Christmas, Vicky," he said to her and Victoria felt herself laugh despite the seriousness of the situation. She sniffled loudly and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She just nodded her head once and looked him in the eye.
"Merry Christmas, John," she said and he watched her leave the kitchen and he felt her slipping through his fingers once more.
…
Victoria had managed to fake her entire way through Christmas. They'd sat around the Christmas tree and opened presents, thanking each other for their gifts. Homelander had taken Ryan to one side and spoken to him about the night before, but there was still an atmosphere that Victoria was just trying to diffuse. It was proving difficult, however. She had cooked the dinner and they'd ate in stilted conversation, Victoria talking to try and cover up any awkward silences and to keep conversation flowing.
The end of the Christmas period came and they had New Year without any fuss. Victoria knew it was only a few days before Homelander intended to go through his plan. She knew that there had to be a way to stop him, but she wasn't sure what way that was. She had just one week before they could discuss separation, but what Victoria didn't know was that Homelander had no intention of letting her go. He just needed to buy himself time to figure out a way to force her to stay and also be happy with him.
He knew that he could threaten her. He knew that he could say things that would scare her and make her reconsider her decision. But he didn't want to do that. Scaring her had achieved nothing so far except for tears and arguments. And he was tired of those. He wanted her to be genuinely happy like she used to be. He knew that meant he might have to find another supe. But he could do that. He would do that.
That was why he found himself sat in the meeting room, waiting for one of the Guardians of Godolkin to join him. He needed to make sure that he could trust her before he entrusted her with his plan. He knew that if Victoria ever found out then she'd flee. She'd yell, curse and scream at him, but a part of him didn't care anymore. He just wanted his wife back.
"You wanted to see me, sir?"
Homelander turned around in his chair as the young, blonde supe walked in. The door closed behind her and she moved to sit down in the chair at the end of the table, keeping some distance between her and her boss. Homelander nodded his head as she crossed one leg over the other.
"I understand that you have a very particular gift," Homelander said.
"I'm not sure about that, sir," she replied.
"Oh, come on," he said with a wave of his hand. "You don't need to downplay it. We never need to downplay who we are ever again once the plan has come together."
She shrugged her shoulders. "I can manipulate emotions and memories. I can also read minds."
"And can you read my mind?"
"I could if I wanted to, but something tells me that it would be for the best if I didn't do that," she said and Homelander chuckled, leaning back in his seat and letting his fingers toy with his cape that sat over the arm of it.
"Smart girl," he said with a nod. "Now, you see the reason why I asked you here is because I need your help, but I need to know that I can trust you not to tell a soul…even that boy you brought here with her."
"I won't tell anyone," she instantly said.
"You said that very quickly," Homelander said and a part of him remained slightly dubious. He wasn't entirely sure if he could trust the woman in front of him, but he was running out of options. "How do I know that I can trust you?"
She exhaled a shaky breath and then looked to him, refusing to back down from his intense gaze. She sat up straight, fingers laced together in her lap and eyes set on the supe in front of her. "When I was growing up, my parents locked me away because they were scared of my powers," she said. "I've spent my entire life with people being scared of me for who I am, despite the fact I never asked for this. I never asked for these powers, but I have them. I have them and I know that I shouldn't be scared of having them…and seeing you…following your story…you've made me see that I don't need to be. We are superior to humans. We deserve more power than they've ever had. Without you, we wouldn't have that."
Homelander considered her words and he let his eyes flicker over her face. He listened to her heartrate. She was telling the truth. She just sat there, waiting for his response.
"My wife," Homelander finally spoke. He was going to do this. What other option did he have? "She knows about the plan we have and she doesn't entirely agree with it. I could wipe her memories, but she would find out the truth and she…she will be part of the new world order we're imagining. She won't like it, but she'll be a part of it. Wiping her memories wouldn't solve that."
"You want me to emotionally manipulate her?"
"Want? No. Need? Yes," Homelander answered her back. "I know she's a human, but she's stubborn. She's always been stubborn. I just need her to be less so."
"I can do that," she said quickly with a nod of her head. "Just tell me when."
"In the next week," Homelander said. "I'll let you know when."
"Okay, sir."
"You can go, Cate," Homelander dismissed her and she left without another word. Homelander knew he was buying himself time. A small part of him hoped that he wouldn't need to alter her emotions. He didn't want to do it to her, but she really was leaving him with no choice. And he couldn't let her go. No matter what he promised her, he couldn't let her go.
"John…John!"
He was snapped from his thoughts as her voice entered the meeting room. Victoria rushed towards him, dressed in a red pleated skirt with a black shirt. She was carrying her red coat and a small bag in the crook of her arm. Turning around from where he was stood looking out of the window, he saw the worry on her face. There were tears streaming down her face and Homelander felt his heart lurch at the sight of her. Moving around the table, he walked towards her, arm outstretched as his hand went to her shoulder.
"Sweetheart, what is it?" he asked her.
"Billy," she said to him. "He's been taken to hospital…they…they say he's sick," she said and Homelander knew that she wouldn't appreciate him rolling his eyes at that. He was going to be supportive. He knew that he had to be. "Ryan is in the penthouse and Evie is with Natalie. I need to go."
"Okay," Homelander said and he reached for her cheek and wiped away the tears that had fallen. "I'll deal with things here. You go to your brother."
"Yeah," Victoria agreed weakly and she moved to wipe her own tears away before shrugging into her coat and putting her bag over her shoulder.
"You know I'm here, right?" Homelander checked with her. "Whatever happens, when you come back, I'm here."
"John, you sent Noir and Deep to kill him only last week," she reminded him.
"I won't cry over your brother, Vic. He's a pain in my ass," Homelander said and Victoria rolled her eyes. "But I know you'll be upset and so I'll be here. Whatever you need, we can work it out together, alright? I'm not going anywhere."
Victoria wasn't entirely sure if that was supposed to comfort her, but she didn't have time to get into an argument with her husband over it. "I'll call you if I have any news," was all she said to him.
"Okay, sweetheart," he said and he watched her leave, head bowed and hair swishing around her back. He knew that Butcher's day were numbered so at least that would be one less person for him to have to deal with. And, despite knowing that he might have to deal with his wife's emotions, a smile formed on his lips at the idea of Butcher no longer getting in his way.
…
"Why did you not call me sooner?"
Billy was sat up in the bed and Victoria flung her arms around him as soon as she entered the room. He winced slightly at the forcefulness of his sister's embrace, but he didn't complain. He lifted his own arms up to wrap around her as she cried against his shoulder and he stroked her hair softly down the back of her head. He closed his eyes for a moment and did his best not to let his own eyes well with tears. She drew back from him and he cupped her cheek, fingers pressing against her black hair.
"I'm sorry," he said. "They transferred me here…thought it might be safer."
"Yeah, why the hell are you in some CIA bunker?" Victoria wondered, taking his hand from her cheek and kissing the back of it, holding it tightly before perching on the edge of the bed by her brother's side.
"In case Noir and Deep decide they want a second go at beating the shit out of me," Billy said. "Then again, it's not like I'd be able to fight back. Look at me."
And Victoria did look at him. She let her eyes roam over his face and she saw he looked tired and withdrawn. He also looked like every movement was laboured and his breathing wasn't entirely even. Victoria reached her hand out towards him and stroked his hair softly. "Does it hurt?" she wondered from him and he shook his head.
"Nah," he promised her on that point. "I've had a lot more pain than this, don't you worry about that," he promised her on that point and Victoria wasn't entirely sure if he was being honest with her. "But I need to talk to ya, alright? We need to have a serious conversation."
"What about?" Victoria wondered back from him.
"Getting you away from that cunt," Billy said. "I don't think I can do this anymore, Vic. I can't beat him and you know that. Look at me. Nothing can beat Homelander."
"I don't want you to worry about that," Victoria said to her brother. "I think he knows that we're done. I told him that we couldn't come back from this and he asked me to give him two weeks…but it's not as if he's going to do anything to change my mind. I think he thought he could and he's been attentive. There's been flowers, gifts, meals…but none of it makes me want to stay with him."
Billy's brows knitted together at hearing her. Shaking his head, he didn't see how any of that was going to happen. "You don't believe him, do you?"
"Honestly, I don't know," Victoria confessed to her brother. "I have no reason to trust him, but that night…he…I think he saw it. I think he saw that we can never be together and he knows that when we are together then it's not good for the kids. We can't subject Evelyn and Ryan to be around us when we're snapping at each other all of the time. He doesn't want them to suffer just as much as I don't."
"Vic, you can't trust a word that cunt says," Billy urged from her. "I know you want to see the best in him. I don't fucking get it because you're so far out of his league that you're in a different galaxy. He doesn't deserve you, but we both know he'll never let you go. How could he? You know too much."
"I…a part of me knows that too," Victoria confessed. "I want to believe him, but the more time I think about it then the more time I suspect it's bullshit. I think he's biding time to work out what to do with me. It's not as if wiping my memories would be beneficial, is it? I'd see him on TV…see what he's doing…the only other thing I can think of is that he'll use Cate."
"Who is she?"
"One of the Godolkin students he's taken under his wing," Victoria said. "She can manipulate people's emotions. I don't want to think that he would do that, but he doesn't entirely have the best track record, does he?"
"And that's why we need to get you away from him," Billy said firmly to his sister. "If you stick around…let him do that…then you're fucked. You know you are. Look, if we can get your sprog here with Ryan then Grace can take you away…"
"You know he'd find us," Victoria replied. "You know that he wouldn't stop looking until he had us back."
"He wouldn't find you. Trust me," Billy said. "There's places you can go where he won't get to you, but we both know that he needs to be stopped and I think…there's only one person who can stop him."
"Soldier Boy?" Victoria asked.
"Not Soldier Boy," Billy replied.
"Then who?"
There was a silence then and Victoria noted the way Billy looked away from her, almost like he felt too guilty to look her in the eye. And then the realisation dawned on her and her face scrunched up in disgust. "Ryan?" she checked with him.
"He's the only one strong enough," Billy said.
"You want to use him as a weapon?" Victoria checked and she moved to her feet, feeling hot all of a sudden. She shrugged out of her coat and tossed it onto the chair by Billy's bed with her bag. "You can't do that to him. That's his dad, Billy. I know that things between them are not great, but you're asking him to kill his own father."
"His own father is a monster."
"But it is still his father!" Victoria snapped back at her brother.
"He's our only hope," Billy said.
"And then what? You kill Homelander and then what? There's going to be another one who takes his place. You cut off the head of the snake and another will grow in its place. You know that, Billy. We just end up in a loop of never-ending violence."
"And you think that we can get out of that loop while Homelander lives?"
"Probably not, but you can't ask Ryan to do this. His father…you don't get it, do you? John was trained to be a weapon. He never knew love. He never knew anything but the inside of a padded cell where people tested on him and hurt him…pushed him to his limits. They trained him to be this man."
"You almost sound like you're soft for the wanker."
"I feel sorry for him," Victoria said. "I feel sorry for him because no child deserves what he went through. Does it excuse what he's become? No. It doesn't. But you can't do the same thing to Ryan."
"It won't be like that," Billy said.
"How do you know that?" Victoria asked. "Do you think that this is what Becca would want? Do you think that she would want her little boy to be used like this? Made to feel like he just has one purpose?"
"Becca is dead," Billy snapped, his voice raising. "My wife is fucking dead because of that cunt and you sit there and tell me you feel sorry for him? What is it? Is he fucking you senseless?"
"Don't be so crude," Victoria hissed at her brother.
"Well, I'm struggling to work out what other reason you have for being so defensive over him," Billy said. "Do you remember what he is? What he's done?"
"Of course I do."
"He raped my wife. He let a plane load of people die. He wants to take over the fucking country. But it's not enough for you, is it? It's not enough for you to do the right thing and get those kids away from him? To try and kill him? I can only imagine it's because you're so cum drunk-"
"-Don't you dare fucking talk to me like that!" Victoria snarled at her brother, pointing at him. "I know what he's done, Billy. You think I don't think about that every time he touches me? I know it all and I want out. Of course, I want fucking out. But I am not getting out at the sake of making Ryan do that. He's a good kid. He doesn't deserve the weight of something like that on his shoulders."
"He's our only hope and you know it. You know it, but you just won't accept it."
"No, I won't," Victoria retorted quickly. "It's not fair on him. He's a twelve-year old kid and you want to tell him that he has to kill his dad? That'll fuck him up. Who knows what it'll do to him? Maybe it'll ruin him and turn him more into his dad? And then what? We have another problem."
"I take it from all of the shouting that you've told her the plan."
Victoria looked to the door to see a woman with blonde hair walk in. She wore a black suit and white shirt, hair coiffed into a neat bun on the top of her head. Victoria looked over to her and she had a reasonable inclination as to who she might be. She held her hand out anyway.
"Grace Mallory," she introduced herself.
"Victoria Anderton," she replied, shaking the woman's hand.
"I know why you're apprehensive," Grace promised Victoria and she folded her arms over her chest. "I looked after Ryan. He's like…he's like family to me and I never want to hurt him."
"Then why do this?" Victoria queried.
"Because we have no other option," Grace told her honestly. "Ryan is the only one with the power to take Homelander on. He needs training, there's no doubt about that, but over time he'll become strong enough. But we need him here. We need him to come with us and we can work with him. We can make him understand that he'd be doing the right thing."
"And if he doesn't want to go?"
"Think about where we are, Dr Anderton," Grace replied. "We can make him come with us, but I really hope it doesn't come to that. If you could talk to him-"
"-No," Victoria interrupted quickly. "I can't do this to him. I can't ask him to go against his dad like this."
"You know what's at stake here," Grace said to her. "This isn't just about fighting Vought now. It's about keeping the country safe. We can only do that if we defeat Homelander. Neuman isn't looking like she's willing to turn and so we're running out of options. If we had Ryan…if we explained to him what his father had done…then he'd want to help us. He's a good kid and you know that he has a conscience. Look at what he did on that TV show."
Victoria exhaled a sharp breath and went to sit down on the edge of the chair she'd flung her coat over. She peered down at her engagement ring that she hadn't taken off yet. She saw how the stone glittered in the fluorescent lighting and she tried to determine what she should do. Ryan could be strong enough to stop Homelander at some point. Victoria knew that. She'd seen him push his father and make it look easy. But that was too much to ask. Surely it had to be too much to ask?
"You want to tell him what Homelander's done?"
"If he knew about Flight 37 or about how he's behaved around you in the past then he'd want to help," Grace said confidently. "And if we tell him about his mother…how Homelander raped her-"
"-Fuck," Victoria interrupted and looked at the woman with wide eyes. "Do you have any idea what that could do to a kid? You can't just blurt something like that out to him. You can't just dump all of this information on him and expect him not to be overwhelmed. If you do that then you're more likely to push him away."
"But he deserves to know," Grace said and Victoria looked to her brother.
"And you?" she asked, voice still terse to indicate that she was still angry with what he'd said to her. "You agree with this? I know you love him, Billy. I saw the Christmas present you sent him and I know that you care about him."
"Of course, I bleeding care about him, just like I care about you," Billy said to her and she saw how he winced as he adjusted himself against the cushions of his bed. He sat up even further then, fingers tangling into his hair. "And this is the only way that both of you can be safe from Homelander."
Victoria blinked quickly then and turned her head to the side, eyes focusing on a dark spot on the ceiling from where it hadn't been painted in the corner. She did her best not to let tears fall from her eyes as she wondered just what the best course of action was. But the truth was that she didn't know. She had no idea what she should do and she felt lost.
"I need to go," Victoria suddenly declared.
"Vicky," Billy pleaded with her.
"I need to think," she said to her brother. "I need to go home and I need to think about this."
"Do you think that you could get him here at least? I…I don't know how much longer I have left," Billy said and Victoria tugged her coat onto her frame. She left it hanging loose around her body as she glanced to her brother and wondered if she could do that. "Just to see him, Vic. Please," Billy tacked on, hoping that she might relent.
"I'll see what I can do," was all she said to her brother. "I'll come back and see you tomorrow."
"You don't have to," Billy said.
"I might be mad with you for what you said right now, but you're still my brother," Victoria replied and she went to his bedside and bent down, kissing his forehead as he took hold of her hand, squeezing her fingers inside of his. She looked him in the eye and hoped that wasn't the last she saw of him. She didn't want to say goodbye like that. She didn't want to say goodbye at all.
"And you're my lil sister," Billy said. "You're a stubborn little brat, but I do love you."
"I love you too," Victoria assured him on that point. "But I need to go."
…
Returning to the penthouse, Victoria found Ashley loitering outside the penthouse. She wanted to roll her eyes, but she didn't. She didn't know what she wanted, but it was usually some kind of favour and Victoria wasn't in the favour giving mood. Looking at the woman, Ashley placed a finger to her lips and indicated for Victoria to keep quiet. Victoria looked around, but the corridor was empty. Ashley simply pressed something into her hand and walked away without a second word. Victoria unfolded the piece of paper and looked at the squiggly writing.
He's going to use Cate.
And Victoria understood what that meant. It meant that her suspicions were well-founded. He was going to use a supe to emotionally manipulate her. Entering the penthouse, Victoria instantly tore the note into tiny pieces and flushed it down the toilet. She could hear Ryan playing on his game in his bedroom as she stood in her ensuite. She looked in the mirror for a moment and wondered just how she was going to get out of this. Was there any way she could avoid what he had planned? The only option would be to take Ryan and Evie and run away. But she doubted Mallory. She doubted that she could hide her. And if she did go with her then she wanted to turn Ryan into a weapon and Victoria didn't want that for him.
She was running out of options. She didn't know how to get out. She could feel herself beginning to hyperventilate before she looked in the mirror. She had never felt so desperate. She moved into the walk-in wardrobe and looked at her husband's suits that hung there, all clean and smelling of fresh laundry detergent.
Victoria parted the hangers to reveal the false wood panel at the back of the wardrobe. Crouching down, she pushed against the wood and it opened up to reveal the front of the safe with a six-digit code. Victoria's fingers hovered over the buttons and she entered the one number she knew he used for his password. It was the date they'd met. She typed it in and the display lit up in green. Opening the door, she saw the blue vials. She pulled one out and looked at it.
She couldn't do this, could she? Even if she did it, she didn't know what would happen to her. She might be entirely useless against him. She'd seen him kill supes easily enough before. But what if she ended up like her brother when he had taken Temp-V? He'd been able to take Homelander on. What if she had stronger powers than he had?
Standing up straight, Victoria took a syringe with her and she emptied the vial into it. She pressed the needle to her arm, not piercing the skin as she considered tossing it away. What if it did something irreversible to her that was worse than gaining a power? What if she had some kind of adverse reaction? But surely, she had to try? Surely, she had to do this? She had to protect Evie and Ryan.
"Don't."
Victoria looked over to the walk-in wardrobe's frame and saw him stood in the middle of the entranceway. He held a hand up and had his eyes set on her, voice low and deadly.
"Don't, Victoria," he demanded from her, seeing that the needle was inches from piercing her skin.
"I can't keep doing this," Victoria said to him. "I know what you're intending to do, John. I'm not blind. I know about Cate."
His forehead creased. "How?"
"I'm not an idiot. I worked it out. You never had any intention of letting me go in two weeks, did you?" she said.
He remained mute.
"And I need to look after Evie and Ryan. I need to get them out of here and this…it's the only way because he…I just need to protect them," Victoria said and she just continued to stare at her husband as he watched her, seeing her wet eyes and hearing her racing pulse. "They're all I have," she said definitively and she made her decision.
…
A/N: Does she or does she not? It remains to be seen...we will slowly be nearing the end and after that the wait begins (maybe with some filler chapters) but as always, I love to know your thoughts. I've been overjoyed by the reviews as of late - you're all so amazing for sticking with this for 90 chapters!