A/N: it's the weekend so here's another chapter :-) I might be a bit slower to update over the coming weeks but as I say I'll never abandon the story completely x
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Chapter 6 - 'Everything's Fine'
Sirius was fine. Remus just liked to worry. Sure, he might be drinking a bit too much and maybe he wasn't sleeping… at all. But that was normal enough, wasn't it?
In truth, his mood had plummeted as fast as a falling bludger the moment Harry had left them for Hogwarts.
He liked Remus very much but his friend was often away on Order business, spending days at a time with the werewolves, and when he was gone there was nothing to distract him from the constant chatter and darkness of his mind.
James had always known what to do when he got like this. He'd been brilliant at distracting him, suggesting they hex the Slytherins, organise some kind of mission or else go down to the local pub and try their luck with the muggle girls (before James had started going out with Lily of course).
Well he'd hexed Snape (he hadn't been able to resist his old classic toe biting jinx on the man's shoes when he came round on Order business one day). He was doing more than enough missions for the Order (although these mainly consisted of death eater observation or guard duty), and he'd been to the local pub.
The White Horse at the end of the Essex Road certainly served a good pint, though of course firewhisky and butterbeer was off the menu. He'd sit in the window, muggle watching, and playing again in his mind the times he'd spent with James in similar establishments around his parents' home in Gloucestershire.
If James had lived, he'd be thirty five now. What would he look like? Perhaps his black hair would be starting to show flecks of grey. No doubt his eyesight would be worse than ever…
They might have had more kids. Maybe Harry would have had a sister or brother. James had always said he'd wanted enough for a quidditch team.
Sirius wondered vaguely how his life might have been different if he'd not been sent to Azkaban. He'd always said he hadn't wanted to marry or have kids. His uncle Alphard had done neither and seemed the sanest member of his family for it, so a part of him had always wanted to follow in his footsteps. But perhaps life would have swept him up in the tidal wave of weddings and children, as it seemed to have done with so many of his contemporaries.
Life had passed him by while he was in Azkaban. Sylvie was married, Bessie had a senior job in the ministry. What might he have done in the twelve years he'd been cut off from it all?
"Penny for your thoughts?"
It was a girl. Or woman, he supposed. She was very pretty with short dark hair, red lips and impossibly high heels.
"You'd probably pay not to hear them." He told her, taking another sip of his drink and indicating vaguely at the chair opposite him.
She took a seat. "I'm Marla." She said, offering a hand, but he didn't really care what her name was.
"That's an unusual name." She said as he told her his.
Sirius shrugged. "I'm an unusual bloke."
She didn't know the half of it…
"Oh aren't they all." The woman said with a roll of her eyes. "So, go on, what's so special about you then?"
Well, what should he say to that? He was a wizard, had ran away from home at sixteen, been framed for the murder of his best friend by another friend, spent twelve years in wizard prison, been the first person ever to break out, spent a year on the run before adopting his world famous godson and dedicating his life to attempting to kill the man who'd caused all the mess in the first place.
He shrugged. "Probably nothing you'd find interesting."
"What is it about the quiet ones that always draws me in the most…" Marla said, her blue eyes twinkling as she drunk him in.
It's fair to say things progressed for the two of them from there. After several more drinks they made their unsteady way back to number twelve, and then, at about six in the morning, there was the sound of the front door closing as she snuck out.
It didn't bother him. He'd have done the same thing if the roles had been reversed.
His head feeling like someone had just clanged gongs on either side of it, he sat up, mouth dry and feeling worse than he had done in days.
He reached for the glass of water by his bed to find that Kreacher had dropped a handful of maggots in it.
Cursing the house elf, himself and everything around him, he made his clumsy way to the kitchen.
He hated being in the dark old house alone. The voices of his unpleasant ancestors seemed so much louder without Remus around to distract him.
Phrases like "good for nothing blood traitor" and "filthy layabout" all followed him through the halls as he passed. It didn't seem to make any difference that he'd left his family home behind nearly twenty years ago. They still had the ability to get to him.
Head pounding, he reached for a bottle of firewhisky from his parents' cellar. It did something to soothe the anguish of his mind.
He poured himself another glass and moved to the drawing room where he sat in an armchair facing the Black family tapestry.
Oh for how many hours had he been forced to examine this thing as a child. He knew it all off by heart, including the names scorched off it and the reasons behind this.
Being burnt off the family tapestry was considered by his parents to be the worst thing that could happen to someone. They'd spent his whole childhood trying to ensure it was a fate that didn't befall him. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) it hadn't worked. Yet he still bore the scars from their attempts…
He felt his mood darken as he remembered the arguments he'd had with them. Their insistence that they were right, that their way of thinking was the correct one. How wrong they'd all been. But sometimes he thought it might have been nice to have given in… maybe just once.
"Bloody hell, Sirius."
He opened his bleary eyes to find Remus standing in front of him, looking quite as cross as he ever got.
"Moony." He murmured by way of greeting.
Remus snatched the glass of firewhisky out of his lifeless hand.
"What the hell are you doing?!" His friend said angrily, holding it in front of him.
Sirius shrugged. "Brooding."
"Well snap out of it will you?! What if someone from the Order comes round? What if we need to move quickly and you're up here wallowing like the giant bloody squid?!"
"The giant squid doesn't wallow."
"Oh for Merlin's sake Sirius, that's not the point!" Remus snapped. He glared at him. "Do this one more time and I'm reporting you to Dumbledore."
"Ooh no don't tell Dumbledore." He said, pretending to be frightened. "Merlin forbid I should be allowed to drink my own firewhisky in my own house."
"It's not just your house, it's the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. And Dumbledore's your boss. If you can't be relied on not to collapse into a drunken stupor every time you're left alone then…"
"Hello? Anybody here?"
Oh Merlin no. Please not Tonks. Her incessantly cheerful personality not to mention bright pink hair was the very last thing he wanted to see right now.
"Upstairs." Came Remus' voice and, sure enough, Tonks entered the drawing room soon after.
"Wotcher, Sirius." She said, coming over and taking a seat beside him. "Feeling under the weather are we?"
"You could say that." He mumbled in response.
"Mum told me to watch out for you." She told him. "Said you might find it… difficult being back here. Charming people the Blacks, eh?"
"Your mum was alright."
"One out of two dozen's not really enough." Tonks said. "Don't let 'em get to you." She said, leaning conspiratorially towards him. "They're pretty much all dead now anyway."
Sirius smiled in spite of himself. She was quite right, he realised. He was being stupid.
"Auguamenti." He said, taking his glass back from Remus and drinking the water now contained within it. "Sorry Moony. Tonks. Black thoughts…"
The company of his friends certainly helped keep them at bay. He ignored all Remus' attempts to get him to 'talk' but did enjoy chatting about anything besides his family.
One of his favourite topics of conversation was Snivellus and all the ways in which he was lacking as a human being.
"Greasy git's definitely a death eater." He said for the thousandth time as he, Remus, Sylvie, Bessie and Tonks went for drinks in The Leaky Caludron.
They'd invited Moody but he'd declined. Sirius knew the auror wasn't one for social niceties, which was a shame as he was one of the few people Sirius legitimately enjoyed the company of.
Though most of those who had signed up for the Order he had time for.
"I know you all used to think that, but Lily was convinced he wasn't." Sylvie told him. "And I know he used to hang out with Mulciber and Avery…"
"Lots of 'I knows' in that sentence, Smethwyck…"
"Cheshire please, Black. I changed my name when I married. But my point is it doesn't prove anything."
"What proof do you need?!"
"A photograph of Snape at a death eater rally?" Bessie suggested.
"There'll be tonnes of those. If anyone cared to bring a camera. He already goes to half their meetings. As a 'spy'." He said this last bit in air quotes.
"It's the perfect disguise." He continued bitterly. "And quite the best way for a snake like that to slither undetected. He always was a crafty little…"
He stopped speaking abruptly. Lucius Malfoy had just entered the pub with Narcissa.
His and Malfoy's eyes met and narrowed simultaneously.
"Don't." Remus said, putting a hand quickly on his arm.
"Why not?!" Sirius said, turning to his friend furiously. "How dare he waltz around like Merlin's gift to wizardkind when he's the reason so many people lost their lives in the first wizarding war? No, I'm not having it." And he stood up.
Malfoy, noticing the motion, turned towards him, his lip curling in recognition.
"Ah, Sirius Black." He said, making his way over, a glass of something or other in his pale, long-fingered hand.
He turned his attention on Remus and Sirius saw him sneer again. "Remus Lupin unless I'm much mistaken. And your unfortunate other halves?" He gestured at Sylvie and Bessie who (a little too) quickly protested that they weren't.
Malfoy's unfortunate other half had joined them now too.
"Hello, Sirius." Narcissa said, the same expression like she'd just been sucking on lemons masking her otherwise not unpleasant face.
"'Lo, Cissy." He said to his cousin. "Long time no see."
"Yes, it was quite nice really." She replied haughtily. "Shame you had to go and ruin it."
"Sorry I wasn't a mad mass murderer." He told her. "Still, better the truth's out eh? Although clearly it's not, or the two of you would be inside."
Narcissa paled and Malfoy flushed. "You watch what you're insinuating." The blond man hissed.
Sirius considered him. He knew Lucius Malfoy had been a death eater in the first wizarding war. He'd heard him plotting with known death eaters and had even been held captive at his Manor House once when caught looking for information to arrest them with.
He wasn't sure how much of a role Narcissa had played, but she was certainly an accessory to the crimes. In his opinion, letting dark or dangerous activity take place without speaking up was almost as bad as perpetrating it in the first place.
"Don't pretend, Malfoy." He said, meeting the man's furious gaze coolly. "I was there, don't forget. You can't pull the wool over my eyes."
"Shut up." Narcissa snapped, her pale face contorted. "You don't know anything about it."
Sirius turned to his cousin. He hadn't seen her since his pre-Azkaban days. She'd changed a bit since then but the expression like she had dung under her nose was still the same.
"Of course I don't." He said sarcastically. "I never overheard your loser of a husband discussing ways to murder muggles and infiltrate the ministry with Dolohov, Yaxley and Lestrange." He had, obviously.
Malfoy drew out his wand. "Come on then, Black. If you want a duel, let's duel."
Sirius drew his own wand.
"Don't be daft." Tonks said, getting to her feet and putting a hand between the men. "You can't fight in here."
Sirius narrowed his eyes at Malfoy who narrowed his eyes at Sirius.
"Go on then. Listen to our niece." The man said with a sneer as he surveyed Tonks coldly.
"Impedimenta!" He yelled, choosing to ignore both Tonks and Malfoy and causing the man to fly backwards through the bar, knocking over tables and sending butterbeers, gillywaters and firewhiskies flying as he went.
Sirius barely had time to enjoy the chaos however before the toothless landlord grabbed him and threw him bodily from the pub.
"You're barred!" Tom yelled before slamming the door in his face.
Sirius sunk down onto the cobbled stone floor and rested his head in his hands. Absolutely bloody brilliant...
…
A/N: Sirius is, to quote from the lovely CitrusChickadee, 'my favourite kind of train wreck' *facepalm*