CHAPTER 27 - MOLLIO

As Bliss murmured in her sleep, Afflatus stirred. Bliss' whimpers became louder and louder, devolving into screams. Afflatus wound her hand through Bliss', and squeezed gently. Bliss tried crushing her hand in unconscious response, and Afflatus was glad her hand was made of metal.

Bliss screamed. She thrashed in the covers, displacing pillows, and breaking a vase. Afflatus removed her hand from Bliss' death grip and held her arms, trying to coax her awake. She screamed again. Afflatus shook Bliss gently.

Bliss' eyes flung open, then darted around. Afflatus brushed the hair from Bliss' face.

"You're okay." Afflatus said, stroking Bliss' cheek. "You're okay."

Tears clouded Bliss' eyes, and Afflatus pulled her into a hug before they fell. Wetness spread across Afflatus' chest. Afflatus felt the girl's rocketing heart rate. She tried to breathe slowly, so eventually Bliss would match her pace.

"I'm sorry." Bliss said after a while, collecting herself. "Caught me off guard."

"Nightmares usually do." Afflatus commented.

"I was dreaming about-" A sharp inhale cut off Bliss' words.

"I know, I know." Afflatus stroked Bliss' hair. "It's going to be okay."

"We're going to be okay." Bliss whispered.

…

After another morose meal, Florence arrived at Afflatus' mansion. She pulled her aside, requesting to speak with her privately. Afflatus lead her elder to a private office, confused at the request.

Florence sat on a couch, and beckoned Afflatus to sit across from her. Afflatus did so. The elder victor smoothed her dress and took a deep breath.

"I wanted to speak with you today to explain something." Florence was more uncomfortable than Afflatus had ever seen her, including the previous night.

"I don't usually speak about myself, but I thought you deserved to know why I've been distant. There's reasons other than the Capitol's threats… I don't like to admit weakness, Afflatus, but I fear after the stream of the end of you Games, of Walan hurting you like that… I had an acute breakdown." Florence paused. Afflatus' brows furrowed. "I couldn't watch your assignments after that. I was on suicide watch. I missed the stream of your first assignment at the Presidential Mansion…

"The stress broke me… I wouldn't eat. I wouldn't sleep. The Capitol forced me into an institution in D1 for a period of time. It's why I never go to the Capitol, I believe if I go it'll happen again. Nowadays, the stress of taking care of myself day to day is about all I can handle." Florence grimaced.

"Again, as an elder, I'm sorry to admit my weakness. But I wanted you to know I stayed away because I cared too much, not because I didn't care at all. I watched you grow up, Afflatus. I loved you then, and I love you still." Florence admitted.

Afflatus fidgeted as she thought about Florence's words.

"I love you too, Flo." Afflatus said, using her old nickname for the woman. Tears pricked in Florence's eyes.

"Thank you for hearing me out." Florence said. "And I want you to know, if there's anything you'd ever like to talk about, if there's anything I can do for you, please let me know."

Afflatus contemplated. "If you ever find yourself in the Capitol, just try to keep the President away from me, if you can. I know it's a big ask, and it'll probably never happen but…"

"Consider it done." Florence said, resolved. "He… likes you?" Her question was obviously a euphemism.

Afflatus chuckled, without any humour. "Mhmm. He 'liked' me from the moment I awoke from anesthesia, after my Games…" She trailed off.

"What?" Florence was horrified.

"Apparently, I wouldn't let the nurses or doctors touch me… not that I remember that, going in and out of consciousness with all the drugs they had me on… But then he visited me. Accepting medical treatment was better than what he did to me, so I complied pretty quickly. His adjustment was swift, a set a precedent, I suppose." Afflatus sighed. She'd never shared that tidbit with anyone before.

Florence sighed. "I'm sorry that happened Afflatus… it's beyond cruel to hurt you like that while you were recovering."

Afflatus managed to nod.

"Thank you for trusting me." Florence said.

"Thank you for listening." Afflatus said, meeting Florence's eyes.

…

Afflatus thought she'd get another chance to take Bliss down to the lake, but people kept showing up at her mansion. She felt like a celebrity in true, all the D1 victors requesting her attention. Every time the door bell rung, it startled her, the noise so foreign. She'd have to mute the damn thing if she didn't stop receiving visitors.

Areti stopped by after Florence, asking if any of her sinks needed fixing. (They didn't). He lingered until Bliss offered him a cup of tea. They chatted casually about Areti's home improvement projects and Afflatus' new found interest in reviving her knife-throwing skills. Areti asked Bliss about her life in D7 as well.

Andreas stopped by with his wife, Sera, and they brought fresh baked goods. Sera told Afflatus she was glad to have her back in D1.

Zoe and her wife brought Afflatus a lasagna.

Plush stopped by last, and asked if Afflatus would accompany him on a walk. After she apologized to Bliss for bailing on their lake plans for the day, she followed Plush into the forest to the side of her property. He kicked at rocks and sticks as they walked, clouded by emotion. Afflatus didn't pry.

The duo arrived at a burnt out shed Afflatus kept meaning to get fixed. Plush sat on a burned cross beam and huffed. Afflatus leaned on a partially collapsed wall, and crossed her arms, waiting.

"You must think I'm a piece of shit, hey?" Plush asked, staring at the ground.

"Um… no? What makes you say that?" Afflatus responded.

"I won five years ago…" Plush started, clearing his throat. "Since then, I've been a piece of shit."

"Stop saying that." Afflatus said.

"I just… I followed everyone's lead. I didn't understand why they wouldn't talk to you, but I didn't want them to isolate me too, so I went along with it… I was never forbidden to speak with you, Afflatus, I'm the only one that chose not to…" Plush shook his head, trying to clear this thoughts.

"I didn't know… I had no idea… Only the older victors see the assignment streams. If I'd known… well I like the think I wouldn't have been such piece of… You get the point… I could see that you were lonely, that you were struggling. But I didn't try to help. I was a coward, I didn't want to get dragged down… I can't help but think about how pathetic it is… Anyways, I wanted to say I'm sorry." Plush wiped a tear off his cheek.

Afflatus crouched in front of him. "How old are you, Plush?"

"Twenty-two?" He said it like a question.

"I've never met someone in their early twenties who wasn't a bit of a narcissist." Afflatus said lightly. Plush sighed, and more tears fell down his face. He looked embarrassed, but didn't turn away.

"Sorry." Afflatus continued. "Not the best times for jokes… It wasn't even a joke, though, not really… I feel like to survive in life, you have to watch out for yourself as you're growing up, especially as a young adult… You're expected to know the rules, and follow them accordingly, with little help. I'm glad you're a survivor, Plush, I'm glad you watched out for yourself, because you're right- if you tried to help me, there probably would have been consequences…

"None of this falls on your shoulders, the guilt doesn't belong to you. Especially as our youngest-" eye roll "second youngest victor. Recently, you've been a great friend. You stood up to Lustre before anyone else in D1… I never told you how much that meant to me… It meant a lot. I'm lucky to be your friend." Afflatus finished.

Plush stared at her in disbelief, not the response he was expecting. "Why are you so forgiving?"

Afflatus contemplated. "We never know how much time we have together, do we?" Tears pricked her eyes.

"I'm really sorry about Muse." Plush said quietly.

Grief washed over Afflatus, from memories of Muse in her hospital bed. Plush stood and helped Afflatus up, then pulled her in for a hug. He was taller than her, by a few heads, and she buried her face in his chest.

…

Afflatus closed herself in her bathroom, away from the other victors. She needed a moment to breathe, a break from the onslaught of emotional conversations. Hopefully, when things in D1 evened out more, the victors would have more wear-withal and not bombard her all at once. She appreciated their attention, but it was a lot to get used to, to swing from one polar opposite to another. From being ignored to sought after. She tried to remind herself it was positive attention, though not manipulative attention. It was still overwhelming, though.

White marble stared back at her, the bowl of her carved sink. She leaned on the sturdy piece, and her sleek platinum hair fell around her shoulders. She exhaled behind her curtain, relishing in her moment alone after the pandemonium of the previous weeks.

Within the marble bowl, lay Afflatus' sharps collection. Pins, blades, razors, scissors, and broken pieces of glass and ceramic stared back at her. It was quite a collection, one she'd spent years curating. Each piece felt different sliding over her skin. Some caused damage easier than others.

The sharper ones hurt less, but injured her more. She preferred the blunt pieces, tearing the skin and causing superficial, painful lacerations, but not causing any practical harm. She wouldn't bleed out from those wounds, and could inflict more pain with less damage- unless she stretched or distorted the underlying tissue of course, then infection would set in. The fevers that accompanied the infections were gruelling.

Afflatus picked up each individual piece, and memories of their use came rushing back. A tingle formed at the base of her neck, a release of dopamine that anticipated use. Her head lolled back, and she breathed with relief. She didn't harm herself, though, she merely examined and remembered. She wasn't allowed to use them anymore, but she also found herself not craving the sensation as much.

After taking a break (being forced to stop), and talking with the others, she found her anger wasn't as violent. It was unnerving to acknowledge the transition out of this phase of her life, not necessarily needing it anymore, but scared to leave it behind.

Her sharps had been there for her when no one else had. She couldn't bring herself to use them, but couldn't bring herself to throw them away either.

She wondered if Lustre decided to walk into the lake, after all. He hadn't shown his face since the lake. She wondered why the thought popped up.

Was it too much to hope that he'd change for the better after what he'd gone through? Did he think the alternative better- continuing to lash out at everyone around him? He'd be alone, angry, sad, with nobody but his parents to turn to. That sounded like hell. No matter how supportive they were, Lustre's experiences were not something they could understand or empathize with.

The decision belonged to him, and him alone.

Afflatus carefully packed her sharps collection back into her music box, and latched the lid firmly shut.