Rafael Barba shoved his hands deep into his coat pockets. The January air bit at his nose, and his breath released warm condensation into the freezing air. He told himself he wasn't lingering at the bottom of the courthouse steps so he could see her. That would be pathetic. However, if he happened to bump into her, he wouldn't complain.
For a moment he observed the typical people ascending and descending the courthouse stairs. Lawyers in a rush. Emotional families of the accused. Devastated families of victims. All coming and going, bustling about, not even a bit aware of his benign observations.
He pulled his phone from his pocket and began scrolling aimlessly, easily blending in with every person who passed by. He glanced at the time. It was getting later in the afternoon. Most trials would be wrapping up for the day. If she were here, he would have seen her already. He knew it was a long shot, seeing her there, but he couldn't help himself. He checked his watch and convinced himself he should go. Maybe next time he picked up a case in Manhattan she would be ready to talk. Ready to forgive.
He tucked his scarf tighter around him, and just as he began to turn away, he caught a glimpse of dark wavy hair. His breath caught, as it always did, when she was near. He wasn't in love with her. At least that's what he told himself. He was just left breathless by the beauty of the woman who once was his best friend.
For a moment he thought he might approach her. Ask her to go out for a drink, but he hesitated, and his brief hesitation allowed time for another man to step into her space and take her by the hand.
Even if he hadn't recognized the man by his physicality alone, he would have recognized him by the aura surrounding him. The man could fill a room by simply standing in it. Elliot Stabler.
He knew he needed to walk away, but his feet didn't agree. Nothing good would come from watching the pair together. He knew that. But maybe he needed the pain. He needed to hurt a little because hurting was better than feeling nothing at all.
Olivia's eyes lit up the moment she recognized Stabler walking towards her. True adoring affection, communicated with her stunning smile. Barba shook his head, it was as if his ten year abandonment meant nothing. He had been married, stringing her along for years, and then left without a word. He dropped her like she was nothing. The most beautiful person, inside and out, reduced to nothing. And she forgave him.
She welcomed him back into her life like his decade long absence was some sort of extended vacation. She fiercely protected him and put her own career on the line the moment he stepped back into her life. All Barba had done was try to mitigate the pending disaster. Stabler had put Liv in a precarious professional position, and Barba stepped up to provide some level of damage control. He tried to protect her, and she hated him for it, but for some reason she loved Stabler for doing the same.
He couldn't wrap his mind around it. Olivia was never blind to the faults of individuals around her, to the contrary. She possessed impressive levels of natural perception, seeming to know a person down to their core upon meeting them. A true empath, able to read and feel the ever changing emotions floating in a room. It made her a good cop. It made her a good person.
But Stabler…the man's energy screamed turbulence. He seemed to enjoy his own ability to intimidate. He seemed reckless, and whatever mistakes he made, Olivia would atone for. Without hesitation, because whether she could admit it or not, she loved him, unconditionally, and without limits. Love like that is dangerous, particularly if it is misplaced.
He stiffened when she pulled Stabler into what looked like an intimate sort of bone crushing hug. She once told him not to tell her what she felt about Stabler, but the truth was clear for anyone who had eyes. She was in love with him, and maybe she always had been.
His mind replayed their last conversation. He had picked it apart, piece by piece, and every time he left feeling concerned and dissatisfied. Olivia claimed he didn't know Stabler, but every detail pulled from his jacket, every personal interaction he had with the man, painted a pretty clear picture. He was a bully who used his badge to get what he wanted, rules be damned. You don't know him. The words haunted him.
"I've known him for twenty three years and he's always had my back. "
And maybe that was it. He was the first person to show any faith in her, and that was all it took to solidify a lifetime of blind loyalty. He wounded her deeply, but she would defend him until her last dying breath. He shook his head. It didn't make sense. None of it made sense.
He watched Stabler crook his finger beneath her chin so she would look him in the eyes. He was saying something, and whatever it was made Liv's cheeks pinken beyond what the nipping air had been responsible for.
Maybe love was blind, or maybe she could see it all but it didn't matter. Maybe she didn't have a choice. Maybe fate stepped in a long time ago, and no matter the circumstances, they were meant to be them. Always a pair. Names always spoken in one breath. Benson and Stabler.
The couple began to walk away, and Olivia linked her arm through his as they retreated down the busy sidewalk. For some reason this moment felt more final than their last conversation. She had chosen him, and whatever their friendship had been fell to the wayside. He watched them until they were out of sight, feeling more empty than he had when the day began.
"Be good to her," he muttered aloud, as if saying the words somehow made it so. She made her choice, and he would be watching, ready to pick up the pieces when Stabler broke Olivia's tender heart.