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. . . . . . . .
Dinner was announced at 7 o'clock. Jane and Edward sat at their table with Adele, Diana and Mary. It was indeed very happy times, Jane did not remember a more pleasant table anywhere. After dinner Adele had rose from the table, tired of the grown up conversation, and left to play with her dolls she had gotten for Christmas. They talked, laughed, and drank with great happiness.
"But we are told that you sing exceptionally well!"
"And who started that ghastly rumour?"
"Your wife, and I fear that she does not lie"
Jane smiled into her glass,
"You were told incorrectly, I'm afraid. I wish I could tell you otherwise"
"Well since Jane firstly doesn't lie, and secondly is not prone to giving sentiments out that she does not mean, I remain sceptical"
He grinned darkly at Jane,
"Regardless. My story is not interesting, and I know nothing of your own musical accomplishments"
"Diana and Mary both play the piano excellently" Jane assured, nodding to them both.
"We were taught by Jane" Mary said, "When she first came to us. She was quite a patient teacher. We had never been taught before, and she thought it a good thing"
'Oh, I did not say they were excellent because I was their teacher, only because they took to it far better than I ever did"
"Jane is not happy unless she is serving other people" Edward assured, he turned so that he looked directly at her. "It is one of her most beautiful qualities. She could have never married me if she were the smallest bit selfish, for that is exactly what I fear I am".
Jane felt his free hand, which was not occupied in his easy smoking, move to rest on her leg under the table. She moved her hand so that their fingers could interlock without suspicion of the table.
"You both are the perfect model for marriage, it is hard to look at you both and not be jealous of your happiness" Diana said suddenly, smiling with a small hint of sadness. "I know the likelihood of me ever marrying are very slim, let alone marrying well"
"You forget" Jane reminded, "I did not believe I would ever marry. I did not even think of it. At the time, I had resigned myself to a life of self-fulfilment. Perhaps that is why when I did meet Edward, things could be so natural between us- because I never had the expectation that we could ever marry. I feel women oftentimes do that. They meet a man and immediately the pressure placed on them becomes to find out if he is married, if he is engaged, if he is otherwise interested, and finally how they can become tastefully part of a circle in which he may by chance speak with her, and interact with her in a way that will lead to security and marriage with love being quite secondary. No one deserves a life of misery where they are tied to someone they cannot love or respect. Do not throw away your own importance because you believe you will not marry".
Diana and Mary looked as if they had taken some fresh courage at her words, and Jane felt Edward radiate immense pride beside her.
"But surely, Jane. You have always had more personal power and strength than we have. You have survived, even when you should not have. You have found power in your darkest moments in only yourself. I would not know where to look to find self reliance"
"You do not need to go in search of it, it is within you at every moment. It is only recognising when to call upon it".
Edward squeezed Jane's hand affectionately, as Mary turned to him.
"Tell us, Mr Rochester, reaffirm that some men indeed want a strong wife"
"I can speak for most men when I say that they do not want a strong wife, for they cannot have a woman who is better than themselves threatening their own importance. But to men who matter, men who are gentlemen and intelligent, they could only want a strong wife"
"Then why are women told the opposite?"
"It is easier for men that way. It gives them all the power" was his simply and sad reply. "Marriage can be dreadfully unfair. And an unhappy marriage can only lead to two very unhappy people. I fear you can trust me on this score, for I know personally"
Diana and Mary nodded knowingly, for they knew of Mr Rochester's past. It always surprised Jane now little they were phased by this news. Perhaps they had trusted Jane's word of his character, and why he deserved to be forgiven, and thus had never felt the need to hold him further accountable. Or perhaps not being present at the time sheltered them in some ways from its painful truth, and thus distance made it easier to accept.
"I suppose then that I cannot grieve not finding a husband at this point in my life. I shall be content"
"And I" agreed Mary. "To think some women have no husband and no family. We are very blessed with the latter"
. . .
The conversation continued on for quite some more time, long into when the stars appeared in the black night. But Jane found herself less and less focused on it. She had consumed more than one drink during dinner completely accidentally- brought on by ease and the simple need for refreshment, but this already made her far more intoxicated than she had ever been before and she felt its effects by the end of dinner. Edward glanced over at her as she struggled to keep her slightly glazed eyes opened. It went unnoticed by Diana and Mary, but he grinned broadly with great amusement at her.
"I am afraid-" he began, standing up and grasping the back of Jane's chair "I am quite tired. You ladies are much younger than me now, I fear I am an old man and I must retire"
Jane had a sneaking suspicion that he was not tired, rather he was more concerned with her.
"Do not be silly" Diana and Mary chimed in, "We were waiting for the announcement too. It is quite late"
All four people stood up, and Jane felt Edward grip her arm for support as she wobbled slightly to her feet.
"Thank you, very much for this wonderful dinner" Jane said, needing to focus on her words in order for them to flow out coherently.
"We must thank you. It is the best dinner I have ever had" Mary said,
"Jane, Mr Rochester"
Edward bowed to them as they took their leave together, hugging Jane briefly before heading out of the room. When the footsteps of Diana and Mary had died out in the hallway, Edward turned to his wife.
"Come darling, I believe it is time for us to get you into bed"
"Why do you day that?" Jane asked, her words slightly slurring together. She was less worried now about her words coming out clearly in front of just her husband.
"I think someone has had more drinks than they are used to".
"Hm?" said Jane, looking at him confused, "I don't think so".
He laughed, and guided her away from the table with his hand in the small of her back.
"Tell me, Ms Rochester, how was your Christmas, all in all?"
"It was wonderful. I could never have imagined having a happier Christmas in the whole of my life"
"Good" he affirmed, kissing her temple, "Because I have one final gift for you"
"Oh?"
He pushed opened their bedroom door and guided her inside, sitting down on the bed beside her.
"Jane, when thinking of a gift for you I did not even know where to begin. Everything I found seemed so unimportant and pale in comparison to the gratitude I feel when I look at you, or when you lie in my arms at night. How does one show their whole world they are grateful for it? It is like trying to thank the sun or the stars. But, I also know that gifts mean nothing to you- that material wealth holds no flame to true wealth. So last week, when I asked for your wedding band for cleaning, I had it engraved along with mine"
Jane stared at him, and then at the band around her finger. Slipping it off, she turned it so that she could read the inside, in which new letters had been scratched into the gold.
Wherever you are is my home
Jane felt tears flood to her eyes, for she remembered when those words had fallen from her lips in an unguarded moment. She had just returned from her aunts house after having been away for a month, and as she walked across the grounds of Thornfield she had stumbled across her old master. She secretly thought that he had been waiting for her that day, as he had done many days before her return, but never thought to ask.
"Were you waiting for me that day?"
"Yes. I did so frequently in the time you were gone, hoping one day that I would just come across you and have a moment alone with you before the normal routine resumed. And that day, when you spoke those words to me-" he paused, his face taking on a nostalgic smile.
"I meant those words. I meant them as much as I have meant any genuine sentiment in my life. I was embarrassed they came out without my permission, but, I meant them in full"
He took her hand in his.
"You are my home, Jane. And no words will ever ring with so much truth"
"Thank you" Jane said softly, slipping the ring back onto her finger and touching Edwards face, caressing it with her thumb. "Thank you".
She did not know what else to say, but she knew he understood her, and her inability to say any more. Such small, touching gestures often could not produce the right words to express gratitude, and so to try would be to insult feeling. She pushed him gently back onto the bed and climbed atop him, pressing her lips to his softly. He gathered her closer to him as the kiss intensified, pushing her bum closer to him before pulling back reluctantly,
"We can't make love tonight sweetheart"
"Why ever not?"
"Because, you have had more than normal to drink and it would be unfair. I would be taking advantage of you, and that isn't right"
"I am saying yes now though. You are my husband, and I am fully in control"
He chuckled softly, moving a curl that had fallen out of her hair away from her face.
"Jane Rochester. God knows I do not need more tempting to want you more. But it wouldn't be right, and I will not do that to you. Is it not enough to just lay with me for a little while?"
Jane smiled and nodded as she stood and turned around so that her husband could help her undo the back of her complicated dress. He did so without being asked, and soon she was able to slip out of it. Within seconds they were both in bed. Jane was gathered to him, her forehead resting against his cheek so that she could feel the air from his nose. Her arm fell over his stomach, and his arm stretched across hers, holding her close to him, the other cradling her back. She slipped her legs between his and sighed deeply. Jane really would prefer this to anything else between them. This was divine, this was sacred. There was no facade here, only him. His smell, his touch, his sound.
"Edward?"
"Mmm" he mumbled sleepily,
"I don't feel very well"
"The best thing that can be done now is to sleep it off. I have had to do it one or two times myself"
"Mm" said Jane, "One or two?"
He chuckled and closed his eyes again.
"Yes, you wicked creature. Once or twice. Perhaps a third time".
Jane smiled and closed her eyes too. There was silence for quite a while.
"I'm hungry."
"Jane, how is that possible? You just ate"
"I know, I know. But I just am, all of a sudden"
"Can it wait until morning?"
"No, I don't think so. Its all I can think about, and I won't be able to fall asleep until it is out of my mind"
"Well, we can't have that, can we?" he asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
"No, no, you sleep. I will be back in a moment after I've had something"
"No one should eat alone"
"No one should have to leave their warm bed either"
Edward looked at her sharply before sitting back, not breaking eye contact with her.
"Fine. We shall compromise. If you go downstairs and find some food and bring it back up, I will make up a spot made up by the fire in which you can eat your fine dining"
Jane smiled, standing up and tying her housecoat around herself.
"Sounds perfect".