Hello!
So this one is a long one. But as always, I love hearing from you. I've tried to set up a lot in this chapter, so I would love to hear your predictions!
Take care!
. . . . . . . .
The next morning, Jane asked for breakfast to be brought to her bedroom. It was not because she wanted to be pampered, or that this was the normal routine, but because with all the house guests filling the house, it was difficult to have any time alone with her husband. She took the liberty of having it brought to her room without asking her husband because she knew he would not object to the time alone either, and so when there was a knock on the door, and Jane jumped out of bed to get it, Edward stared at her, confused. Returning with a breakfast tray, however, he smiled at her.
"Ah, I see. We are having a private breakfast today"
"Indeed" Jane said, closing the door with her foot and returning to the bed. "I thought we could have a little time alone, if only for a few minutes".
Jane often reflected on mornings like this. On the small moments that would not become a defining point in her life, but that defined everything. She savoured each aspect of each moment. The way he divided the tea between them, the way he handed her her plate of food before stealing a piece of toast from it. The way she could lay back against him, with nothing but the sound of the crackling fire, as she finished her tea was something that she did not take for granted.
"Jane?"
"Yes?"
"What is on the schedule today?"
"Well, I suspect we will hear an announcement from Diana, regarding her engagement. I know the girls will want to shop for wedding materials here before they return home, for the wedding dress and for flowers and such. Besides that, Anne Eshton is coming over to meet Diana and Mary. The girls are quite excited"
"Will the ladies get along with one another, do you think?"
"I think so. They are all very good-natured, and as women, even if they had differing views or opinions, they would be willing to hear what the other has to say. That is the sole key to success among women, understanding"
Edward sighed deeply "You make me jealous. If only such a skill would come by men more naturally. My financial meetings are hell on earth because men love to hear themselves talk"
Jane smiled at him, "But surely you are never anything but calm, and decorum?"
A flash of a smile.
"Jane, I don't know what would make you think anything else"
She took a sip of her tea, and silence fell over the room- that is until Edward looked down at Jane, who's back was against his chest and who drank her tea with not a care in the world.
"So it is not an option to stay in bed with you all day?"
"No" She said, amused, "I'm afraid not. For your friend Mr Eshton is accompanying her here, and I am imagining he is expecting to see you"
"Well until then, you are all mine"
He pressed his lips to her neck in just the right place, and Jane sighed deeply, closing her eyes. Edward grinned, moving his lips to her jawline.
"No" she protested, "I need to bathe"
A disgruntled exclamation from Edward was all she recieved until he sighed, "Allow me" he said, lifting her into his arms.
. . .
When the water was drawn a few minutes later, Jane undressed from her robe. Upon dipping her foot in the water she realised that it was still too hot yet to get in, so she turned and walked towards the bedroom where she could sit for a few minutes. But in walking past the long mirror, she was forced to look twice at the sight of her bare body. She glanced at her stomach, which was different than it normally was. Rounder?
She turned to her side, her hand moving over the smallest bump.
"It cannot be"
Jane had suspected a pregnancy herself, for lately she didn't feel quite right. She could not get enough food, she was always too hot or too cold, her moods changed quickly, she had trouble sleeping at night, and when she did sleep well, she still woke tired.
Could it be?
She smiled to herself- a small, somewhat afraid, somewhat unbelievably, happy smile. Was this the second chance she had prayed so much for? Could she allow herself to be happy?
But her thoughts were interrupted by Edward walking into the adjoining room again. She did not want him to see her naked, she did not want him to suspect what she suspected. But of course, he had seen her naked. If not last night, the night before that. Did he already suspect? If he did, he did a good job of keeping it to himself. But Jane removed this thought from her mind- he was incapable of keeping emotions to himself. Surely he would have said something. She could choose when to tell him, so that she did not get his hopes up.
She sat down on the edge of the tub before he entered the room, covering her stomach by curling up her body. He rounded the corner with the newspaper in his hands, looking from it to Jane, amused.
"What are you doing?"
"The water is still too hot"
"Ah, I see. Do you know what I was just reading, it was the oddest thing-"
But Jane didn't hear the rest of what he said. Her mind was flooded with thoughts and questions.
Would she tell him before she was sure? No. She could not hurt him again. She could not get his hopes up again only to find she had nothing to offer him, nor could she ever offer him anything. How would she know for sure? The doctor, of course. But when could she go to town to see him? If Diana was indeed engaged she could go when the girls went to pick their wedding material. But what would she tell them when she headed for the doctors? They could not find out before her husband did. And then a thought occurred to Jane- a painfully honest and true one.
She did not want to go through this alone.
Jane did not want to sit in the doctors office alone, anxiously moving her fingers together as she waited to hear from the doctor. She did not want to take the carriage ride there and back with no one to talk to. She wanted her husband. She did not want to leave him out of anything. This was their child, if it was a child at all. Marriage is about not being scared anymore, for you are bound to another person who takes away worry and fear. How lucky she was to have a man who was naturally so obliging, and so naturally fit for the role. To not appeal to his superior nature would be wrong of her, and hurtful, for he was her. Everything he was, she was.
Jane rose suddenly from the tub, stepping onto a towel on the ground and wrapping her robe around herself. Edward looked confused as he stopped reading the story from the paper aloud and followed Jane into their bedroom. Jane sat on the bed and he knelt before her, taking her hands in his and looking up at her.
"Darling, what is wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong, Edward". A slight pause preceded her next words. "I only need your support"
"Of course. You have it, always"
Jane rubbed her thumb over his hand as she looked down at him.
"I know-"
But she could say no more.
Her voice filled with tears as she spoke. Not only was she having trouble controlling her feelings, but the fear she had been facing since looking in the mirror came down upon her at once. A single tear slid from her eyes, which she had forced shut in an effort to keep them in. Edward waited, saying nothing. She only felt the warmth of his hands, and the strength he gave her in times when the right words did not come. His hand moved to wipe away her tears, one moving after to the small of her back, reassuringly, the other remaining around hers.
"Edward, when I was just in the bathroom I glanced at myself in the mirror. What I saw confirmed what I have been suspecting for some time now. I believe I am pregnant"
His eyes widened slightly, moving to her stomach which was covered by the robe which was once his. Jane stood, and let the robe fall to the floor so that when he knelt up, he was eye-level with her stomach. His hands moved quickly, running over her slightly enlarged belly. He kissed her, still moving his hands over the spot where his lips had just touched. He pressed his forehead to her small bump as she wrapped her arms around his head. She felt her eyes swimming with tears once more, and he looked up at her.
"Jane. My darling Jane. You do not need to be afraid"
She allowed the tears to slide a little more freely as she returned to the bed and her husband once again knelt before her.
"You do not need to be afraid and alone in this. I know you Jane Rochester. I know that right now you are bursting with joy, and happiness, and excitement inside, but all that is stifled under you not wanting to feel those things for fear of being hurt again. I know why it is a scary thought, for when I think of the pain, and the grief of last time-. But you cannot let fear ruin such divine emotions. If it is within Gods plan for us to have children, then we will. And I fear that God could not have put so much love within you if he did not intend for you to be a mother"
"It is not only me, Edward. I know last time that my miscarriage hurt you deeply, even more than you let on to me. I do not want to be a disappointment again".
"I will tell you now what I told you then. You could never be a disappointment to me, ever. To even conceive such a thought as that would be impossible to me".
He kissed her hands,
"Be happy Jane. Allow yourself to be happy, please. This is the most wonderful news in the world"
She nodded, pulling him close to her in a tight embrace. He wrapped his arms around her, cradling her head with his hand.
"Edward, is it possible to feel so happy" she asked softly, unable to contain the smile which covered her face.
He pulled back and smiled at her, his whole face illuminated with joy.
"Yes" he said, his eyes filling ever so slightly with tears.
Jane shivered slightly, her exposed body had realised that it was still winter, and perhaps abandoning her robe was not such a good idea. Edward laughed slightly, picking it up off the floor and wrapping it around her again.
"Now, Ms Rochester. You tell me where I need to be, and when, and I shall accompany you when you go to the doctors, if that is what you want"
Sometimes it still shocked Jane how easily he could still read her mind.
"I fear it is not what most husbands do with their wives. I believe I am supposed to take Leah, or some other female servant"
"Well, I am not your typical husband. I thought you may have noticed that by now. I am afraid it is too late to be rid of me now".
Edward pulled her to his lips as they stood, kissing her deeply.
"And what would I be without you?"
. . . .
When Jane had washed and dressed some time later, she went downstairs to meet the other girls. They were only just finishing breakfast, which told Jane that they too had risen later today than expected.
"Good morning" she said, turning the corner of the dining room.
"Oh! Good morning Jane! We missed you during breakfast, My, you look lovely this morning" Diana said, sipping from her teacup.
"Thank you, how are you this morning?" Jane asked, looking between Mary and Diana.
"Wonderful" Mary said, glancing to Diana.
"And you?" Jane asked, grinning.
"I am a very happy, engaged young woman" Diana said, her smile the brightest Jane had ever seen it.
"Oh Diana" she said, reaching across the table for her hand, "How wonderful! I am so happy for you!"
"Isn't it perfect?" Mary joined, "Diana, the wife of a naval captain. Who could have imagined that?"
Diana looked to Mary, "Although I cannot lie, and pretend that it is not a huge reassurance, that is not the most important thing. I am happy to be marrying someone I love greatly. Someone spectacular. I am so lucky"
She held out her hand to Jane, and on it was a beautiful wedding ring with a large ruby in the middle. Jane saw the small, simple, but beautiful ring on her own finger that suited her so well as she went to take Diana's hand.
"Diana! Why did we not see this last night? It is beautiful!"
"I wanted to wake up an engaged woman for the first time. I cannot stop looking at it"
Jane and Mary smiled at one another, Diana's excitement was contagious.
"Well, I wish you every happiness in the world, my dear Diana. When will we be seeing your Captain again?"
"He said he would ride over today, just to say hello, and to formally announce to the family".
"Then, we shall celebrate then" Jane said, nodding.
"Speaking of husbands, where is yours?" Mary asked,
"Oh, Edward is in the study, going over some financial papers before the Eshton's arrive. He and Mr Eshton are entangled in some financial matter together, and managing the money has fallen onto Edward's shoulders".
"What is it that Mr Eshton does in the enterprise then?" Diana asked,
"Well, in fact, the enterprise is hiring servants for Mr Eshtons house. Mr Eshton was not always as wealthy as he is now, though he was never as poor as we were. He came into quite a bit of money when his very wealthy aunt died, and such is why he inherited the house he did, and why now he has the liberty of hiring some extra servants".
"He is a lucky man!"
"Indeed. But you see, he has no experience managing large estates money, so he called upon Edward for help. For now, Edward deals with keeping the finances in order while Mr Eshton meets with his tenants"
"Doesn't Mr Rochester have quite enough to do around here keeping all your servants?"
Jane smiled, "Quite enough, but he has a hard time refusing his friends. Especially old ones, like Mr Eshton. I am sure the whole place would crumble to the ground without Edward's mentor-ship, in truth. Still, the men enjoy each others company, and I enjoy Ms Eshton's, so it is a happy agreement".
"And when are your servants to return?" Mary asked pleasantly
"Tomorrow! If all be well"
"Which it is sure to be after the holidays to be home with their families. You must be the most popular mistress on this side of London"
Jane smiled feebly.
"I know what it is like to work for someone you despise. I know what it is to dread seeing your master everyday. I could not live with myself if I knew such was the case with our servants here".
Jane often found herself repeating this to people that commented on the supposed kindness she and Edward showed to their staff. Jane realised that most people could not understand the depth of what she truly meant when she said she knew what it was like to dread her master, for many of the people who commented had never had a master. Still, this made it no less true. Diana and Mary were perhaps the exception, who both worked under very poor masters as governesses. It was an incredibly vulnerable place within the house. Half servant, and yet partial member of the family. You were constantly at the mercy of your master.
. . . . . . . .
Just after lunch, Edward came to find Jane, who was the last one sitting at the dining table. Walking up to her, he bent down and pressed his lips to hers sweetly. Jane smiled as the kiss broke apart, her hand holding the edge of his tailcoat between two fingers.
"Hello" he said, lovingly
"Hello" she replied, pulling him down to her lips once again.
The kiss was more reluctant this time when it broke, and needier. Jane smiled at him as he sat beside her, entwining his fingers with hers.
"How are you?"
"I am perfect" Jane said, "How are you?"
"Unbelievably happy"
"Then kiss me again"
"Three times! Indeed, I have been blessed today"
He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and drew her near.
"Madam, Sir"
The voice made Jane jump, and in looking she saw John standing in the door,
"Sorry to interrupt, but the Eshton's have arrived"
"Thank you" Edward said, stifling a laugh. When John turned the corner, Jane covered her face in her hands and pressed her face into Edwards chest. He laughed at length. kissing the top of her head.
"I feel like a naughty school girl who has been caught doing something she shouldn't be doing"
"Good lord, don't tell me that" he teased, still laughing, "Or our meeting this afternoon with the Eshton's will be cut significantly shorter".
"Do not wink at me, Edward Rochester"
"What?". He stood before her, holding out his hand to help her from her seat. "What can I say? I am a man who adores his wife"
Jane was helped up, and her husbands arm moved around her waist as they walked out to the front door. The Eshton's had already arrived, and were stepping out of the carriage, smiling up at their friends.
"Edward, hello!" called Eshton, rushing ahead of his wife to shake Edwards hand.
Anne walked up to Jane, smiling warmly.
"Hello Anne, I do hope you have had a wonderful Christmas"
"It was well, thank you Jane. Though I must say, I have looked forward to your company again"
Jane looked at her friend, her voice was uncharacteristically serious.
"Is all well?"
"I believe so, but I don't exactly know if anything is wrong"
Jane nodded, slightly concerned.
"Is it to do with Mr Eshton?"
"No, no he is well. I was going to ask you if you knew anything. Mr Eshton has been acting very off lately, and he has told me nothing. Though, I know in some way it must relate to me, or more likely someone I know. He just won't tell me anything".
"I do not know either, I'm sorry".
Anne nodded, "It is okay. Perhaps he will tell Mr Rochester today. I am sure it is nothing, at any rate"
Diana and Mary appeared on the step for the first time and Jane turned to Anne.
"Anne, these are my cousins, Ms Diana and Mary Rivers. This is my good friend, Anne Eshton"
"Ms Rivers', it is wonderful to meet you both. Jane speaks so highly of you, it is impossible to not be excited to meet you"
"We were only just saying the same of you-"
"Ah, women coming together always get along so well. If only it was the same amongst men" Eshton called out, his hands on his hips characteristically.
"That's not true dear, not all women are the same and thus we don't all naturally get along But women of a similar nature do, and I think that shall be us"
The group of women grinned at one another before Eshton rolled his eyes at Edward.
"And yet they prove my point"
"Come" Jane said, glancing over her shoulder, "We shall have some tea, we do not need to stand and be the objects of judgement any longer"
Edward bit back a smile as the girls walked into the house, beginning to get to know each other.
. . .
As tea progressed, Jane found that her assumption had been correct; Diana, Mary and Anne all got along exceptionally well. Jane was secretly relieved, for she wanted a group of women who could get along, and were trust-worthy. After all, there is not quite anything like the relationship between women that love and trust one another in deepest friendship. When Anne found out about Diana's recent engagement she was extremely excited, doting over her ring and saying with great happiness that she would wait eagerly to see every detail of the wedding as it came into being. Mary told Anne of the insecurities she had told Jane of earlier in the week- that all the women she knew were married, or about to be, and she still had not meet a man. Anne listened intently, and assured her of what Jane had repeated as well; that no man is far superior to a man who treats you badly, and that you do not love. And then the River sisters had asked of Mr Eshton, and Anne had spoken of her relationship with him, opening up in saying that not being interested in science herself, she had created distance in their relationship that was prevalent at times where he was busy with work. She said that she felt if she had made more of an effort in the beginning to become more curious, perhaps they would be closer now, and she regretted that. It was wonderful to see what trust they had in one another- and now naturally it had come into being.
Jane felt slightly guilty sitting there, listening to all her friends opening up to the group with their secrets, fears, insecurities and joys. It was not that Jane did not join in, or did not speak to them. Rather, it was that her greatest fear and joy was inside of her at that very moment, and only she and her husband knew of it. She wanted it to remain that way for a little while- for it to be their own private world. There would be time enough to tell these ladies, and have them partake in all the happiness of having a baby within a group of friends. Just, not yet. Not while she was still unsure, and not until she had come to terms with this amazing gift.
But as they talked, the door opened and Edward stepped inside, smiling at the room.
"Hello ladies" he said, bowing to them. "I hope you are all feeling no pressure to create a fake facade of friendship for the sake of Mr Eshtons theory in front of me. Though if you were, you would indeed fool me."
The room laughed,
"Of course not. Any friend of Jane's has to be a marvellous human being, and I think that fits all the ladies in this room" Anne said, cheerfully.
Jane nodded, "But of course. It is my only condition in friendship"
Edward chuckled, "It is interesting then how you let that condition slide in your choice of husband. Would I be able to speak to you a moment, my darling? I will not detain you for long".
"Of course, excuse me" Jane said, standing and walking to him.
"Ladies"
Edward rounded the corner with Jane, talking lowly.
"Jane, I told you the other night that when I visited the Olsen's home that the family was not there, and that I could not find out where they were. I know this left you feeling uneasy, so I spoke to Eshton who was going to London, and who could possibly find an answer there. He was explaining to me what he had learned, but I thought you may want to know what he said, straight from him".
"Of course, is all well?"
"No, I'm not sure that it is"
Edward pushed the door of his study opened and Jane walked inside. Eshton was sitting with his feet up on the corner of Edward's desk, smoking a pipe and looking out of the large window that faced the side of the garden.
"Eshton, there is a lady here now, I am afraid you must act like a gentleman"
Eshton spun around, looking at Edward horrified.
"Forgive me Edward, Ms Rochester. I was thinking I was at my own home for a moment"
Jane smiled, "Do not be so bothered for my sake, please, sit"
He did, and looked at Jane rather regretfully.
"I was just starting to tell Edward what I had learned of Mr Olsen, but he stopped me, saying that you would want to know as well. I am afraid the news is not good"
Jane did not interrupt him, so he continued.
"Edward rode to the Olsen's house the day after Christmas, and he did not find anyone there. So when he heard I was to travel to London, and could possibly find an answer there, he asked to check into the situation. However, I did not need to look very far before I found that Mr Olsen had not returned home that night, and Ms Olsen, afraid and not knowing what to do fled to her sisters house, of which I am unsure of the location. From my understanding, Mr Olsen returned almost immediately after she left, supposedly after spending the night in another woman's company- pardon my blunt language. He is apparently furious, and has been madly searching for her, and she is no doubt too afraid to return to him"
Jane looked from Mr Eshton to her husband before turning her gaze to the floor.
'It isn't right"
"That she essentially ran away from her husband?"
"No" Jane said, looking at Mr Eshton, "That she felt that she needed to run away, that he wasn't home and that she didn't know where he had gone"
"But of course" he agreed, registering Edward's harsh look.
"Surely Eshton you do not put any of the blame on Ms Olsen. Her husband is a cruel, grotesque beast that cares for nothing but himself and his pocketbook. This is not her fault"
"No, of course it is not her fault. But now she has landed herself in an equally difficult situation to free herself of. She has run away from an angry, violent husband who has legal ownership over her-"
Jane felt her blood slightly boiling.
"-And on the other hand, she is with a sister who will not house her forever. Temporarily, she is free from a problem that will only get worse with time".
"What is it that can be done for her?" Jane asked, but it was her husband who answered.
"Jane, even with the best men searching for her, we have no right to expose her, nor even a right to get involved. Surely, if her sister knows, she has family who cares. Until she returns to her house here, we can't help".
Jane knew that he was right, and although it did not sit well with her, for the present she tried to put it out of her mind.