"You seem happy" Jane said, tugging on his arm slightly as they crossed the bridge back in the direction of their house, "It could not have been so bad"
"No, in truth it was not" Rochester admitted, "Miller explained why financially they were suffering. His wife has a sick brother in York, and they sent a great deal of money to him in the belief they would have it returned to them. They were wrong, however, and they are still trying to recover. I do trust his word, so I gave him time to make the money back to me. Still though, if it is not returned within the time frame I allotted him, they will need to be told to go, for the sake of everyone's fairness".
"Sounds very fair to me" Jane said, hesitating slightly. She looked sideways at her husband and then down at the ground.
'Edward, I need to speak with you about something"
"What is it?" he asked, sounding immediately concerned.
"I offered Ms Miller her own kind of job today, a job helping me. I thought she was so good with her own kids, that she may be of help to me once I give birth. I was worried that Mr Miller's financial situation was more dire than you have now conveyed to me, and I thought that offering her a job of her own would be a help to that-"
"Well you thought wrongly then" Edward piped up angrily, slipping his arm out of Jane's. "Mr Miller is an extremely proud man. He works exceptionally hard to take care of his family, so that his wife does not have to work. You surely did more harm offering her a position than if you did not".
Jane stopped walking, turning on her husband.
"I offered her a position in order to be paid for something she offered to do for free. It was only right, the job is not a small one"
"Right, between two people it will be hard to take care of one child" Edward spat back, now more angry than Jane had expected him to become.
"You cannot help me with womanly things" Jane argued, her voice still calm, unlike her husbands. "Ms Miller has had seven children, she understands what it is to be afraid, and alone-"
"Alone!? Alone? Where have I been these past eight months-"
"I will be alone in the delivery" Jane said, unexpected tears coming up to her eyes. When she spoke, she found her voice sounded feeble, and full of tears too. "I shall be alone in breast feeding, I shall be alone in the healing because there is nothing you can do to physically help. You have been more wonderful than I could have even imagined, but having a woman for support would have been a weight off my shoulders since I have no female family of whom I can call upon like most women can".
"Still" said Edward stubbornly, guilt over his wife's tears flooding his system, "You have done more damage by suggesting this than it could ever have done good. Ms Miller has seven children to care for. What did you think would become of them?"
"I thought that they would come to the house, play in the gardens for the few hours, maybe even just an hour, when their mother was with me. This was not meant to be long term, or having her come was not meant as a replacement for you. I was only trying to do some good".
Edward opened his mouth to speak and closed it again immediately. He looked around quickly at the trees and Jane took the opportunity to wipe her eyes.
"So this is what raising our child is to be? Filling our house with everyone besides family. What is it for? To distract from our own family unit? This is meant to be a time in our lives for just us. Me and you, and now our child. You have made me feel like you trust everyone above me to care for my child".
Jane felt her heart plummeting inside her own chest, and could not hide the sensation from her voice when she spoke.
"How could you say that? Let alone think that".
Edward had crossed a line, and he knew it. He knew immediately that this had not been about anything else besides his wife wanting support from someone with experience like most women did. This had not been about him, and he felt ashamed. Her tears had crushed his anger, and the look on her face now- defeated and worn, made his heart shatter and splinter into horrible, painful shards.
"Jane, let me-"
"No" she said, firmly. Jane clenched the collar of his coat. She was still not angry with him, and again shame burned white hot in his throat."No, you can listen to me for a moment. I need you. I need you on my side. I need to be able to speak to you, and confide in you, and feel supported by you. There can be no more of this, no more of this petty fighting. Have we not wasted enough of our time together in this life being apart to have more wasted with fighting?
"You have me" he said quickly, pulling her to him, "You have me now in this moment, and every moment. I am yours"
The empty, secluded surroundings were void of all sounds besides the blowing wind.
"Then tell me, should I turn around and go back and tell Ms Miller that the offer is no longer an offer?"
"No" he said, shaking his head. "I am only tired, angry, and frustrated. This is our home, this is our child. You have a right to make decisions for yourself without consulting me, especially if they are regarding your happiness"
"But I want this to be equal" Jane objected, "I want us to make decisions together. I'm sorry, I should have asked you first. We are a team, and you are always going to be my top priority. If you are unhappy, then I cannot be happy"
He took her hands, noting they were cold, and rubbed them affectionately.
"I was stubborn, there is nothing wrong with what you did. We shall speak no more about it, apart from how sorry I am"
Jane nodded, releasing his collar and stepping back from him. She fought desperately hard to hold back another bout of tears.
"Why are we fighting?" she asked, her hand flying to her forehead. "Me and you simply do not fight. Why has it been so often lately, and over the silliest things?"
Edward took off his coat and wrapped it around Jane's shoulders as he answered.
"You know, they say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. If this is what will prove to be most difficult, I think we will be able to bare a lifetime of it"
But Jane did not looked comforted, so Edward wrapped his arm around her waist and smoothed her cheek with his thumb.
"We are two people now sharing one life. Difficulties happen. That is all this is"
"Then promise me something"
"Anything"
"Promise me that we will never let things go unsaid. That way, difficulties are only such for a little while"
"I swear it to you. Though, you do remember the man you married Jane? As much as I try, I am less temperate than you, more defensive, and far less good. I cannot keep things to myself, even if I try"
He kissed her temple, pulling her in close and began to guide her back towards the house.
"Edward, take your coat back. It is far too cold"
"I think it is best you have it, seeing as you sat last night in a frigid bath of freezing water for God knows how long"
Jane rolled her eyes, smiling.
"You do have a way of being quite dramatic".
. . . . . . . . .
The rest of the day passed in absolute wonderfulness.
Upon arriving back at the house, Jane went to her room in order to warm up by the fire. After sitting there staring into the flame for quite some time, fighting her own nodding head from slumping onto her shoulder, she could not deny herself the fact that she needed sleep. She got up and crawled into bed and drifted off into sleep before she had time to pull the blankets over herself.
When she woke up, perhaps several hours later, she woke to find a cup of tea laid by her head. She sat up, pushing aside blankets that had been laid over her, and took the teacup in her hand. But by the time she picked it up, however, it had become completely cold. For some reason, this gesture made her feel extremely emotional.
These days, Jane often found her own mind consumed, even more so than normal, with actions and thoughts. She had reflected lately, based on her experience at Diana's wedding, that people often moved through life blind to the weight of their own actions. At the wedding she had witnessed a man and a woman laughing together heartily, perhaps with too much drink, slam down their drinks on a tray held by Jane's servant Peter. The remaining contents of the glasses sprayed all over his white shirt due to the exceptional force they had been set down with. That morning, when Jane had gone down to the kitchens to speak to the staff regarding the wedding, she saw Peter having that shirt pressed. The action was small, and was surely small enough in the eyes of the man and woman, to never come back to their memories again. But it had made Jane think. It made her curious if she ever moved through her life as unthinking, or as uncaring for the effects of her actions on other people.
So, seeing this teacup made her heart ache with affection.
Edward had surely brought it up to her thinking she would be by the fire, but in learning she had fallen asleep, he laid it beside her on the nightstand in the hopes she would wake in time to drink it, and enjoy it while it was warm. It was that care for a person, the type of immense care that asked for nothing in return, that was the ultimate of selflessness.
Some time later, the bedroom door opened and her husband stepped inside quietly. He saw that the person he sought was sitting up in bed, smiling at him, so he advanced into the room with far less caution of making too much sound. He had no way of knowing how full her head and heart was with thoughts of him, so the best she could do was muster a thank you that tried to convey far more than two simple words possibly could.
"For what? The tea?" he asked, confused, "It is not even warm enough for you to drink it anymore"
"But you thought of me"
He sat down on the corner of the bed where she was sitting and took his wife's outstretched hand.
"I think of you always"
"I know that, but, oh- I do not know. It is difficult to explain"
Edward laughed, shaking his head.
"Try" he entreated.
"Well.." Jane began, trying to grasp all her feelings into coherent thoughts. "You brought me up tea because you had tea for yourself and thought I may want some as well. You clearly opened the door with a certain amount of caution because you did not wake me up when you came in, meaning you wondered if I was sleeping and you hoped you would not wake me in finding out. Then, you laid my cup down beside me in the hopes that when I woke, it may still be a good drinking temperature for me. And then you left again, quietly, so that I could sleep for longer. I don't know...it is just the amount of care that is contained in those actions for another person. All of it was completely selfless".
Edward smiled, a soft, warm personal smile to himself before looking back up at Jane. His eyes were as dark and mysterious as they ever were, but now Jane saw them as windows into a soul that was as familiar to her as her own.
"You sound surprised"
"I am no more surprised to learn of this then I would of any good action you do".
"And yet my 'good actions' as you call them are so small compared to the good actions which fill every moment of your day, Jane".
She pulled Edward towards her by the collar of his coat. She looked at him, she looked at every line on his face, every curl on his head, every wrinkle around his eyes and smiled.
"If I am good it is because you make me a better person. Or if not better, a far more loving one" she added, noting his sceptical look.
He drew her face closer by holding her chin between his thumb and finger. He pressed his soft lips to her forehead slowly.
"Make love to me"
Jane grinned, shaking her head.
"I cannot"
"Why?"
"Because, it would give you what you want"
"And what is wrong with giving me what I want?"
"All men need to learn increased patience, I think" Jane teased, bringing his face so close to hers now that she could feel his breath on her face.
"What would you know if 'all men'? And besides, I have been patient. Have I not allowed you rest, and to lay in my arms and sleep when you asked"
Jane felt a slight, unexpected pang of guilt, for indeed he had been very patient with her. But, her easy consolation was that Edward loved to be teased by his wife, and loved her to exert dominance over him.
"You have been wonderfully patient" she confirmed, "But I sometimes see the flicker of desperation in your eye when we lay together at night, knowing that you cannot turn me over, and press me down into the pillows so that you can hear my moans and cries in your ear. Or feel my legs wrap around your wais-"
"Enough Jane, I have done nothing to deserve this torment" he warned.
"Indeed you have. For you make your wife feel guilty for not being able to preform in bed as easily as you can, for the aches in my back and hips and shoulders, and bum (he raised his eyebrow) make it far more difficult", she argued. "It is not fair to make me feel guilty when I am being deprived too"
"You need not be deprived"
Jane ran her fingers over her husbands knuckles, eyeing him.
"Make love to me" he repeated, his voice not commanding, but now more serious
She could no longer deny what she was unwilling to sacrifice all along. Jane hoisted one leg over one of her husband's and straddled him. He pulled her face towards his and kissed her passionately, leaving dizzy and lightheaded.
"Supper will be soon" she gasped quickly between kisses, ending her sentence quickly as his hand ran slowly up her leg and brushed her already wet, intimate area.
"We can be fast"
"We can be, yes. But making love with you right now takes a lot of effort, and a lot of energy. I do not want it to be quick.
Edward smiled darkly, brushing his lips millimetres from Jane's.
"Then" he said, softly, "You must allow me to do all of the work"
She gasped deeply as his fingers moved inside her. She clutched painfully a handful of curls from the back of her husbands head and grasped it tightly. Edward's sharp inhale caused a second hand to move to Jane's breasts. Even through the thick material of her dress, she could feel her peak harden and become dependant on his touch. Jane could no longer silence or suppress the deep moans that issued from her. As her husbands hands worked, she felt the familiar but never unwanted panging need build painfully inside her stomach. She pushed Edward back slightly in his chair so that he could apply a different kind of pressure to her. He responded immediately to her unspoken need by touching her in the spot he knew drove her wild. He watched her face, in awe. She was divine. Her heaving breaths, her wet lips, her blushing, burning face were all perfection.
"Thank you" she whispered fleetingly, unable to focus much more on her words.
He felt a sudden rush of tenderness for their connection as one being. She had asked for what she needed without speaking, and he had known what she desired. In return, she had thanked him. The simple act of it. He was overwhelmed with the realisation of the humility of intimacy between two people that flushed over him whenever she touched him, or looked at him or called for him.
"What do you want?" he asked, his deep masculine voice causing her skin to become alight with anticipation.
"To be naked with you" she said, easily.
Jane no longer was tentative in expressing her wants, and for this he was very grateful. Jane was a marvel to him, for she always seemed to embody radiance in whatever role she took with him in their marital bed. Whether she dominated him, let herself be taken by him- wanted to be gentle and slow or rough and hard, she always gave part of herself away and it was the highest honour of his life. Her trust of him was staggering.
He undid the back of Jane's dress with relative ease and she pushed herself out of the large gown. She had refused to wear a corset during her pregnancy, believing that even the ones designed for pregnant women could not be good for the baby. So, he had a much easier access to her in simply pulling her shift over her head.
During her pregnancy, Jane had gained the only insecurity, physically, that her husband had ever known her to have; Dark marks appeared across her stomach in order to make room for the baby, and Jane had felt uncomfortable seeing them appear for the first time. He remembered a conversation he had with her one day, when she had asked him to turn around when she got out of the tub.
"Why?" he had asked, genuinely confused.
"Because I asked you to"
And he had obliged, knowing the reason must have been something she did not want to address at the time. But later that night, in changing for bed, she knew she could not keep asking her husband to turn around whenever she was naked around him. So she showed him, arms crossed over her breasts, turning on the spot so he could see. He had been humbled and a little shaken by her shyness, and the insecurity which was to him one of the most wonderful things in the world.
"You are making room for our child, my love. What is there to find in that which is shameful?"
"I shall never be "perfect" to you again"
He had laughed, and shaken his head
"And I shall never not have damaged eyes and scars on my forehead and shoulders. I do not have the fear anymore that you could love me any less for it. You shall remain perfect to me until my dying breath"
Now, as the present Jane stood before him, he could see such marks again. They were darker now then they were before, but they had not multiplied in number by much. He thought they made her look extremely feminine.
When his clothes had been shed to the floor, he took her hand and guided her back to their bed. After the last time they made love, and he had hurt her, and this time he intended to be very gentle.
Jane lay down, looking up at him with such love and affection that it made his heart contract painfully. He paused, observing her, and she laughed momentarily.
"What is it you stare at?"
He climbed over her, cautiously, and pressed his lips deeply to hers. Jane wrapped her arms around him so that her hands ran down his back slowly. He groaned, and Jane felt pride spread through her like fire. He put his hand underneath her, in the small of her back, and lifted her gently so that her tailbone, which always seemed to be tender as of late pregnancy, could be supported. She sighed contentedly and looked towards the warm sun now pouring through the window. It was a complete reverse from earlier in the day, when they steel grey, cold sky covered the earth in a chill. Now, orange light danced across Jane's face as her husband kissed her forehead, cheeks, chin and then, with slight frustration from a waiting Jane, her lips.
"We do not have to do this, Jane, if you do not want to" Rochester said, Jane curling up as best she could to wrap her arms around his neck and plant feather kisses all along his jaw. His hands clung tightly to the mattress as she did so. "I did not mean to force you into anything"
Jane smiled, shaking her head.
"As if you could force me to do anything that I did not want to do, let alone something I want very much" she said, reaching for Edward's manhood and stroking it in her hands. Slowly, Edward lay down on the bed, and Jane moved above him, working continuously. His chest rose and fell, a light sheen of sweat covered his whole body. He threw his hands over his head, pushing against the headboard, fighting a losing battle of resistance.
"Why will you not give in?" Jane asked, slowing her speed to a desperate pace so that Edward moaned in protest.
"Because" he breathed, gasping for air. "I would rather finish with you"
"Well, I would rather watch you" Jane said, kissing a line up from his manhood to his collarbone.
"Jane!" he cried, his large and masculine hand gripping her slight lower back. She smiled and slipped him into herself with ease, gasping in audible pleasure at the feel of him.
"Love, do you feel alright?" he asked, massaging her hips gently.
"Mmm" she moaned, closing her eyes and biting back a smile.
Jane revelled in the sounds of his voice, the flexing of his muscles, the contorting of his face. He was so perfectly hers in the moments she could watch him that he moved her beyond words. To know that she had rendered him speechless, that he lay, his heaving breaths and chest a result of her touch, his shiny face the mark of his love for her.
All this ran through her mind as he looked up at her, a smile darting over his face before he turned them gently, so Jane's back rested against the stack of fluffy pillows.
He pushed deep within her, surveying her with complete alertness for any sign of discomfort. But she looked to be the opposite- peaceful and easy. Jane moaned deeply and clutched at her husbands skin as he moved in and out of her. She felt her fingers tingle, and felt her body become weightless as well as like lead. And then ocean waves of pleasure crashed over her, drowning her in sensation and love and fulfilled need.
She heard, as if from very far off, a cry that sounded so much unlike her own. As silence rang in her ears, she could hear the great pleasure of that person that had called out without being able to help it. Edward lay down next to her, his chest rising and falling at an immense rate until it slowed, and his breathing deepened again. Jane turned over, propping her chin on her husbands chest.
"Mr Rochester" Jane said, pressing her body against his in lying across his chest, "You are perfect".
His hand moved between their touching stomach's and found again her most intimate area, still slick with desire.
"I am not done yet with you, Ms Rochester. You would need to be married to a far younger man in order for me to immediately reach such a place with you again. But, you as a woman, my darling, can be brought to that place as many times as you want, and I intended to do it"
Jane put her arms above her head as he moved over her slowly.
"I am at your mercy"
He glanced up at her from trailing kisses along the inside of her thighs and bit his bottom lip suggestively.
"That is a very dangerous thing to say, Jane"
"I know" she grinned.