When Jane came to her senses, she found herself once again on her bed, still covered in blood stained clothes, still feeling the reminiscence of pain in her body and her throbbing head. She tried stirring, but immediately felt a large hand pin her back down. She looked down to see her husband sitting before her with her skirt hitched up, extracting glass from a large gash in her leg. She groaned, putting her hand over her eyes. Embarrassment burn red hot in her cheeks.
"The doctor is on his way. When you dropped the tray you were foolishly trying to get down into the kitchens you managed to shatter a mirror too that was against the wall, it all came down on you". He did not sound very impressed, or very happy, and he did not look up from his task as he spoke.
Jane winced as he carefully took out a particularly large piece of glass and laid it in a bowl beside him.
"There was no need to call a doctor" Jane said, feeling a little defensive and greatly ashamed.
Edward ignored this comment.
"I did not know I had broken the mirror"
"Yes, and splintered yourself with about a million small pieces"
He looked down into the cut for any more fragments before taking a cloth from within the bowl of warm water beside him and cleaning around the wound. Even from her looking down on it she would see the gash was significant so she drew her attention back to the ceiling, trying to bat back tears.
His hand then moved to her arm, which was also bleeding. There was less debris in this wound, so his extraction was much faster. As he went again for the cloth Jane sighed, running her hand through her hair.
"Thank you" she said weakly, wiping away a singular tear that had slipped from her eye.
Edward glanced up at her briefly, a softer look in his face, and then resumed his task of cleaning her wound. Blood had dripped all down her arm, and onto her hands. She winced again as the hot cloth touched her arm.
"I'm sorry. It will be over soon"
She simply nodded, noting the pulsing sensation in her head. All she wanted to do was pull the shades of the window closed so that no more light could penetrate her room.
Edward finally took the cloth and dabbed it on the bridge of her nose, on her lip, and her cheek with such gentleness that Jane could barely feel it.
"Do my marks at least make me look like I have been some sort of hero?"
"You look like you have been given a good thrashing" he said, unamused. "Jane, what were you doing? You were in bed because you were unwell and then you get up to balance a heavy tray in your arms, while pregnant, while lightheaded, on steep stairs. I find you on the staircase having shattered a mirror over yourself, dropped the tray all over the steps and clutching your side in pain. Why would you have done such a senseless thing?"
"You make it sound intentional" she said, grimly. "I was angry. I was not thinking, I just wanted to be useful"
"Angry about what? Your friend had just left, was it something she said?"
"Actually it was" Jane piped up, remembering her friends heartbreaking words, "And it was about your friend Eshton"
"My friend Eshton" he repeated, "Out with it then, I shall be interested to hear what business you have in their marriage"
"A great deal actually, because Anne came over here today deeply burdened with the fact that she lost her child, and didn't feel as if there was a soul in the world she could tell. She said every night she lays awake for hours, grieving alone, knowing she cannot turn to her husband and speak with him. It made me angry, it made me angry she has been alone, because I cannot imagine what it is like to feel alone in such an unspeakably horrible moment. What got me through that time in my life was knowing I had you, every moment I needed you. No woman deserves to come to her friends house and break down into tears because she is confused and scared. If it was not for your selfish friend, who only sees what will benefit himself, she may be in a much better place"
Jane did not know why she kept articulating that Eshton was "his" friend, but it put the blame for his selfishness onto someone else.
"Jane, Eshton is a scientist, he is a busy man, he hardly has time to observe what he is having for supper, let alone-"
"Edward, he observes things for a living. He is selfish, and there is an end to it"
"You know nothing of that marriage. You know nothing of what goes on behind closed doors. You cannot assume anything. Eshton knew the kind of woman he was marrying, and she knew the type of man. Eshton is selfish by nature- goodhearted, kind, but self-centered in his life. It is who he is, and she knew that before they wed"
"Does that make it any better?" Jane asked, "Does that make abandoning your wife okay?"
"Of course it does not. All I'm saying is that Eshton also cannot be made aware of his selfishness if someone is unwilling to show him. Anne must wake him up in the night and confide in him, otherwise how else is he to know that she lays awake? I was the same way Jane- I was that selfish man. But you were honest with me, you were upfront. That directness made me aware of my ways. That disposition of intuitive communication is natural for you, so you did not think of it as difficult, but for Anne confronting someone may be hard".
"This is not Anne's fault" Jane said, "It should not take seeing someone's tears to know that they are in pain".
At that moment there was a knock at the door and Edward quickly pulled down Jane's skirt as the door swung opened, revealing an older, unfamiliar man. This must have been the Doctor, for he carried a case in his arms and looked authoritative.
"Rochester" he said, bowing his head in Edward's direction. Rochester greeted him formally, explained the situation, what he had done to try and help Jane, and the doctor walked over to start the examination.
"Hello Ms Rochester. I'm the doctor, and I'll be taking care of you today"
Jane felt a pang of annoyance as he pointed this out. Of course he would be the one taking care of her, he had just explained he was the doctor to her husband. Was she not in the room during that exchange?
He took a long time looking her over, checking the cuts for anything Edward had missed, pouring different liquids into the larger wounds and wrapping bandages around them. Jane felt invaded by this man. She was annoyed how he always addressed Mr Rochester when asking a question about her, even though whenever this happened, Edward looked to Jane and she answered. Still, after about three times of the ritual the doctor still had not caught on to her obvious offence.
Jane was glad to see him go. He had done nothing that Edward had not done already, and his explanation of the fainting spell was the typical, insulting explanation for women's feelings, which were always brought together as a homogeneous mass. .
"Women are often prone to fainting during fits of hysteria, madam. Seeing as you are pregnant, and far along, this is not only common, but to be expected due to the heavy emotional strain women are not built to tolerate. Do not fret, and do not worry. Soon enough you will feel much better"
"I was not hysterical, I fainted because of the blood, I am sure-"
"It is rather typical of hysteria, which seems the most likely cause"
Jane thanked him briskly as he swept from the room, addressing Mr Rochester.
"Sir, may I speak to you in private for a moment?"
"Is it regarding my wife's health?" he asked, bluntly
"Yes, indeed".
"Then of course it must be said in front of her. It is her health, after all"
"Indeed" the doctor said, sounding confused.
"For Ms Rochester's delivery, I think I should be the one to handle it. It looks as if she could be a tricky case, and things may get difficult during the process. I have delivered the babies of all great family who inhabited this home before- and I would hate to miss out on-"
"Thank you doctor" Rochester intervened quickly, "But we already have a midwife planned for such a time. Anything else?"
Jane felt a surge of affection for her husband, who now looked positively consumed with anger.
"No...no...I suppose that is all of it. That will be all for me now then, yes?"
"Yes, thank you again, Doctor" Jane said, a little more composed then when she had stated her former goodbye.
Edward left and returned to the room within a very short amount of time. In fact, he was sitting back on the bed beside her before the sound of the carriage pulling out of the drive could no longer be heard. He ran his thumb gently over Jane's swollen lip, looking pained and thoughtful.
"I'm sorry" he said, eyeing the small cuts on her face, "I did not mean to become angry with you, I know this was not your fault. And, if it were, that doctor would have been punishment enough"
Jane squeezed his hand.
"And I am sorry to hear of Ms Eshton. Truly, I am. Would you like me to speak to Eshton, the next time I see him? I will not confide anything that I could not know from simply being with him- he will not know that you have told me anything Ms Eshton said. But in this at least, I think I could help".
"I do not like the idea of becoming involved in other peoples lives, but in this case I think it matters a great deal"
"Then the next time I see him, I will speak to him. It does not take much private information to know that he spends too much time away from home, especially with a pregnant wife".
Jane felt her husbands fingers slide over her knuckles, but to him the action was subconscious and thoughtless. There was simply a need to touch, to comfort, to be close.
"I am sorry I have been so much trouble. Thank you for taking care of me".
The phrase had not even finished before Jane felt long suppressed tears rise to her eyes.
He paused, pressing his lips slowly to her forehead and drew back, caressing her face with his thumb.
"Now, what is all this about?"
"I am sorry, so genuinely sorry for all the trouble I have been"
He looked confused, running over in his mind the possibilities of what she could mean.
'Jane, it is only broken glass. We can find another mirror without too much difficulty, I think"
He knew from her previous seemingly random emotional outbursts that this could have been highly plausible, even likely given the circumstances, but the sad look which flooded her face told him that he was wrong. She breathed, wiping away the tears in directed determination before speaking.
"For months now, I have been far more of a burden then I have been a help. I cannot control emotions that in other times in my life could easily be quelled or reasoned with. I feel sad much of the time, or frustrated, or very happy, but I cannot seem to have a resting state somewhere in the middle of all of those feelings. What I wouldn't give to just feel calm, and at ease. All my emotions seem to be on overload, at all times. You-" she said, turning quickly on her husband, "You have been very understanding, and very kind, but surely you must be angry with me. Yet so much of what I have felt I have taken out on you because I was scared, or afraid, or unsure and I knew you were a place of safety for me. It makes me even more guilty to know then that you act to my face as if all is well and yet beneath the surface you cannot wait to see the back of me-"
"Jane" he warned, "I am not letting you run off any further with that thought".
"But you should let me, seeing as it is the truth"
"It is no such thing"
"Edward! You married me because I was practical, and logical, and temperate. I offset all the qualities in you that you did not like in yourself. We often spoke of it, lying in bed at night, and it made me feel like I had a place in our marriage, and a place within you. Now, I am afraid I am a mere shadow of my former self, and how could you love a shadow the same as flesh and blood?"
"Jane, I married you because I loved you. I did not marry you for some calculated reason as you suggest- to offset qualities in myself or to reap the benefit of your constancy. I married you because I love you, because my life is not worth living without you, and because you make me feel whole. What does it matter if you have been frustrated? What does it matter if you have yelled at me as many times as I can count on one hand, especially when I have deserved far more? Besides, I like when you yell at me, I find it very enticing"
"Not funny, Edward"
"Then know this" he said, firmly. "There is no point in being married to another person if you cannot rely on them to be present when things are not easy. I only ask for your trust, and not to doubt me. I love you. I love you now, I love you when you are crying, when you are frustrated, when you are smiling. You have given me the gift of allowing me to be myself around you, and now I hope I am giving you the same".
"That is the problem- you have made me feel so comfortable that I cannot withhold anything from you anymore. I feel so dramatic after each of these outbursts"
"I would call you more theatrical, rather than dramatic" he teased, appearing thoughtful.
"Now, I am going to give you very specific instructions on how to feel better" he continued in a matter-of-fact way.
"What is that?" Jane asked, laying back down on the highly stacked pillows of the bed. Edward smiled.
"You are going to kiss me, good and thorough, and then I will go and find a very good book that you are sure to be interested in and read it to you, at least until my eyes grow too tired to do so, and then you can read to me"
Jane smiled, shaking her head.
"Book first, then I will kiss you"
"Unfair" he commented as he rose from the bed and quickly pecked Jane's lips.
"Cheater" she called after him. She saw one last flash of his smile before the door was closed behind him.
. . . .
Some time later, Jane found herself wrapped in her husbands arms before the fire, listening to him read with the enthusiasm of a child. She supposed it had something to do with being so abandoned as a girl, but having someone read to her made her feel appreciated and loved in a way that pierced her heart. But it was not only that, the ebb and flow of her husbands voice, its warm familiarity, made her feel at home. She rubbed her stomach thoughtfully, staring into the orange flames.
"The spices, the colours, the heavy, hot air all gave me the sense of overwhelming nausea and panic. Nothing made sense in this strange place. No person alive made sense here, no tradition and no thoughts. The day was hot, and the fruit was sweet, but the night was bitterly cold and the water was salt. It was hard for me to imagine the type of person it took to live here-"
"Is that how you felt, when you first arrived?" Jane asked.
"No" her husband answered, "Not at all. I went to the Caribbean with a purpose, you see. So it was impossible for me to err. I did not have time in which to explore the beauty of the islands, for they are remarkably beautiful Jane. They are perhaps some of the most beautiful places on earth. And I liked the people there very much, my own negative experience came from a singular person, not the general lot"
"What is the fruit which he speaks of?" Jane asked, playing with her husbands hands.
"Well, they have so much fruit there that one could not imagine eating it all. Bananas, pineapple, guava, coconut, genips, and many more which do not have one name, but many".
"What are they like? What do they taste of?"
"They are sweet, and refreshing with their juices in the summer sun. One could eat fifty or so of each before becoming full. You can pick them from the trees, they are that abundant. Here in England we have so little fruit, it would be so hard for you to imagine"
Jane smiled, cuddling closer.
"It sounds absolutely wonderful. I think I should like to go one day"
"Then I should like to take you, one day. That is, if you can survive the boat ride there"
Jane laughed, "I do not know that I could! I have never been on a boat"
"Never?" he asked in disbelief.
"Never" she repeated, grinning.
"Well, six weeks, and that is at the very best Jane, you could be stuck on board, hurling up a lung over the side of the ship, green with sickness with no water or no peace and quiet. It is, well...it is not for everyone".
"Was it for you?"
"No! It was awful. If you think you have seen me in a fowl mood Jane, you should have seen me there"
She laughed, "Perhaps it is best that I did not see that. I am sure you said things I should never be able to forgive you for"
He closed the book, shaking his head and grinning, and turned to lay it on the table beside them.
"I am sorry that I never took you more places before our child was born, Jane. The extent of your travels with me have been to London, in order to repair my sight. You were never given a proper honeymoon"
"You know that I do not care about that" Jane said, looking into his face. "I did not want a traditional honeymoon, especially if it meant leaving your bed to go sightseeing"
He drew her close laughed against her temple as he kissed her.
"You astonish me"
"I know, I know, I've become horribly unladylike. Telling her husband of how much he loves laying in his bed. I should be ashamed-"
"But that is just it, you should have no shame. Your honesty and heart are mine alone".
Jane turned and smiled at him, running a hand along his chest.
"And yours is mine" she spoke softly as he pressed her hand to his lips.
"Yes" he promised.