Hello,
I got a review that I couldn't respond to personally that raised a very good point about certain details of my story, so I thought I would just address it here!
So, the review said, in a constructive way, that my version of Mr Rochester is not true to the Edward at the end of Jane Eyre, as his arm was amputated and he lost one of his eyes in the fire of Thornfield Hall. Jane Eyre is one of my favourite books, if not my very favourite, and I absolutely love the fact that in the book the injuries happen to Edward. I did not change it in my story out of me thinking he was less attractive with physical injuries, or because I thought that it didn't matter. It was simply because I found it hard when I was writing to keep remembering to put the detail in every time it was mentioned, because I referenced the earlier part of the book often for inspiration and of course there, he wasn't injured. That made my opening chapters confusing and inconsistent, so in my version, Edward got to keep his hand and he still started their marriage blind but came to be able to see again.
I changed my version of Edward because I am not writing the continuation of the real Jane Eyre (as much as I wish I had that talent to!), and to me, I do not think these details are vital to the characters in my version because in the book Edward needs the injuries to happen to him- he needs to be stripped of anything that gave him power over people in order to show he had changed, and he was redeemed. We, as readers, know this by the point where my story starts- Edward has already redeemed himself to us.
To me, what the injuries represent is far more important than the actual injuries themselves.
Thank you all, again and again for all the amazing support. This is just such a happy place for me to come and write, and all the support has been beyond amazing. I am beyond touched and humbled by all the love.
I hope you all are really well! Thank you, thank you.
xoxox
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Edward spent the following days pouring over the law book him and Jane had procured in town. Because he was not trained in studying law formally, the language was cryptic and confusing, so he could only read through it in small amounts. The notes he compiled were then read by Jane whenever she nursed Henry, and although she too found the law to be confusing, she could not find anything within it that could weaken Edward and Eshton's case for a joint magistracy.
Edward had invited Eshton over one night to discuss the possibility of the union in high spirits and as Edward had suspected, Eshton was enthusiastic to take part. Jane reflected that unlike her husband, Mr Eshton had a very slight streak within him for wanting influence over people , for he liked to appear important and like he constantly had a task at hand to be completing. Anne, who would be more than happy to have such an influential husband, wholeheartedly agreed as well. This set the path in motion for calling the other local magistrates into a meeting in order to discuss the new proposition. It was agreed upon to take place in two days time.
. . . .
The night before the meeting, Jane lay in her bed with Henry. He was now sleeping soundly, a complete change from the rest of the day. He had shrieked, and cried, and whined for the whole afternoon, and Jane was thankful beyond words that he now slept. He had fallen asleep here in her arms, and she did not dare more him for fear of waking him and starting the whole process of soothing him all over again.
She had hardly heard from Edward all day. He had dressed and rose very early and had not returned to speak with her for the rest of the day. Instead, Jane heard the seemingly continuous closing of door downstairs and different men's boots clicking over the foyer floor. She had had a slight feeling of unease as she sat here alone, wondering whether this was to be the way things would transpire if he was indeed granted joint magistracy with Eshton. But somehow, a voice in the back of her mind told her not to worry. Edward may be busy at the moment trying to sort out the newness and confusion of the situation, but she was certain he would never, ever let that come within him and his family. He would have sooner given away half his fortune and all of his magistracy power.
When the door opened to the bedroom Jane did not bother turning her head to confirm who it was. Edward made his way over to the bed and kissed Jane's forehead silently. He lifted the sleeping Henry gently from her arms and carried him out into his nursery next door without a word. Jane sighed and stretched out in the bed when she was free to move her body and noticed a stiff pain in her shoulder where she had been laying awkwardly. She rubbed it thoughtlessly. It was still early but she was tired and without the sound of the bedroom door re-opening, she may have fallen asleep there and then.
"Hello my love" Edward said, sitting onto the bed beside her. She smiled up at him as he look her hand, bringing it to his lips.
"Hello" she replied softly.
"I am so sorry for today. You look exhausted"
"I am, but I know how busy you were."
"No Jane, we will not be starting off this arrangement with excuses. I heard Henry was crying all afternoon, why did you not come and get me, I would have rescheduled my meetings, I would have stayed up into the night working instead".
The voice in the back of Jane's mind had been confirmed, and she felt at ease to reply to him honestly.
"I never intended to make excuses for you. Nor would I ever do such. But this is what marriage is, it is making sacrifices for the other person when they need it, and having a tired day here and there".
"Come now Jane, you must be more angry at me than that. I would rather you be honest with me than gracious"
She shook her head and pulled his arm slightly.
"You look tired too"
"I could not say I was without sounding like a complete-"
"Mm" Jane interrupted, squeezing his arm.
"So you will not scold me?"
"No. I would much rather go to sleep".
He went to speak but stopped himself, his face softening into a slight grin.
"Fair. Give me a moment"
Jane watched him shed his clothes piece by piece. She enjoyed watching him, mostly because he maintained that irresistibly attractive quality of not knowing how handsome he truly was- in his case he did not even suspect it. If he had expected for a moment that she would be watching him and admiring his form, and had acted differently because of it, Jane would have been instantly uninterested in him. But he still had within him every trait Jane had fallen in love with, and with the recent weeks of chaos and confusion, such qualities in his support for her had come through stronger than ever. She had once remarked to herself that she had made an idol of him, and could not see his fullness of character through such a view, but now she thought she saw him as an idol in his fullness of being.
Edward climbed into bed and Jane noticed the automatic action she at other times may have overlooked. He lifted his arm so she could crawl beneath it. The action had most likely become a habit in the infancy of their marriage because Jane was always cold at night, and Edward, because he could not see, liked to feel Jane with him as he slept. Jane relayed this train of thought to her husband as she cuddled into him.
"I do not sleep very well when you are not beside me now. Thankfully, that happens to me very little. Do you think we shall turn into one of those elderly couples that sleep in different rooms because we need space from one another"
"Only if you start snoring"
He looked sharply at her
"I am not serious", Jane confirmed.
"I know that. But come to think of it, I do not know that I can think of a couple who did not end up in a similar situation a few years into their marriage"
"Well, for most people I can imagine that would be preferable. If you married someone you did not love, imagine sharing a bed with them every night. Perhaps once the task of having children was completed, it would be comfortable for both to live apart"
"It was the case for my parents. For as long as I can remember, when my mother was alive, she never slept with my father. In fact, I saw them talk very little and they interacted with each other very infrequently. Servants served as the vessel to pass messages between them. They could not even gather it within themselves to walk into a different room to talk to one another"
Jane propped herself up on her elbow as her husband sat up, his back pushed against the headboard.
"What were they like together? I know of your fathers character, I know less of your mothers"
"In knowing, Jane, how you are such a natural mother to our son, I can say that my own mother was a very detached one. I do not say such to flatter you, but because what I experienced as a boy for motherly affection was so lacking, I am surprised by your natural ease and love. My mother hardly spoke to me or my brother- she certainly never disciplined us in any way. As a boy, you expect to be disciplined by your father and softly checked by your mother every so often. Because my mother took no part in how we were raised, it left no buffer between my brutal father and his sons. My parents always liked my brother better at any rate. I am not sure why, for as a boy he gave them far more trouble than I. I was rather quiet, reserved, but with an active and relatively free mind. My brother spoke everything he learned, experienced, and felt. He was unkind to servants and disobedient to what little rule my parents put into place. He often rode out on horseback in the middle of the night and returned at breakfast so that everyone would be present to witness his return. At first he was scolded, but eventually my parents decided they could get so satisfaction from trying to discipline such an unruly son, so they turned to me. It was then, out of anger and frustration, that I gave them far more to discipline me over. I am not sure they ever forgave me for that. At any rate, my mother and my father were brought into an arranged marriage by my mothers father which I believe was the root of all unhappiness in my family. I never meet any of my grandparents, but I heard they were of the same breed as my parents. It was always evident to me that my parents had no love for each other, but over time I did not find an ounce of respect or at least comradery in raising sons that they shared with one another".
"That is tragic" Jane said sadly, "Perhaps they could have been very different people if they were not forced to marry a person they did not love"
"Yes, but that does not elicit the right to take out your frustrations on your sons".
"No" Jane agreed, "Of course it does not. If anything, it gives you motive to protect them from the unloving life that you yourself have experienced"
"Surely Jane you cannot be the result of unloving parents. Surely they had a far better relationship than mine"
"In truth I cannot say for sure. My mother of course died when she gave birth to me. But I can deduce, from my fathers grief, that he did indeed love her very much. They did not have a traditional marriage, for my mother came from a far wealthier family. The fact she married my father surely caused some strain in the family. Whether or not, however, they would have been good parents had circumstances been different, I will never know. I believe I reminded my father too much of my mother, I think it pained him to look upon me. I was the end result of him losing his wife, and for him it was perhaps not enough. I did not see him much growing up, for he was busy, and always travelled. I was not there when he died, under his wishes".
"Would you have wanted to be there?" Edward asked, sensitively.
"Yes, I think so. It would have made things easier for me. It would have made being shipped off to my cold aunt's house at least understandable".
"But you do not hold that against him?"
"No, of course not. It was his choice, and I respect it".
A silence fell over the resting pair until Jane pulled herself into a seated position in front of her husband.
"And how are you?" she asked him, seeing his sunken eyes and sallow complexion. Her hand reached for his face, smoothing the line of his brow and trailing her thumb over his lips, "in all honesty"
"Happy. Tired. Worn out"
"That is a lot to feel at once"
He grinned
"I am sure it won't be when you tell me how you feel, in all honesty".
Jane paused, allowing her husband to reach for her hand and play with her fingers as she thought.
"I feel...very grateful, very tired, drained of my energy, and yet I could not be more content".
"Mmm" Edward murmured, pressing his lips to Jane's slowly, and sensually. He pulled her gently forward, spreading her legs apart his his own as he manoeuvred her onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged at his hair lightly as he deepened the kiss. Jane pushed him down onto the bed so that she was kneeling before him, not breaking the kiss as she started to shed her nightdress. In an instant it was off without reservation, and Edward's warm hands were covering her cold body. His hand trailed her arms, across her breasts, his thumb rubbing her nipple as his fingers left shivers all over her body. He sat up to kiss her stomach, her neck, collarbone, his skillfull tongue leaving her skin alive and electric. His mouth moved to her breast, and in moving his hand to the small of her back and forcing her up, he sucked.
Jane arched her back into him, throwing her head back as he worked. He drew back every so often to watch his beautiful wife, who was so responsive and opened to him in every way she could be. But these periods of inactivity bothered her. She groaned in disapproval when he stopped. He kissed her lips sweetly and smiled at her slightly furrowed brow.
"What?" he said softly, "Is that not enough?"
"Not when you tease me in such a way"
"Tease you? How?" he asked, his hand trailing the inside of her leg and his fingers brushing feather light over her wet, wanting place.
Jane felt a lump in her throat, the hard lump of repressed desire and want.
"Edward Rochester" she said, her voice hoarse, "You told me that once we were married you would not deny me anything"
"And I intend to keep that promise" he confirmed, skimming his fingers again long Jane. She bucked slightly into his touch and he smiled.
"Then what are you doing now?"
"You see" he said, placing his thumb on Jane's most sensitive and responsive area and rotating in deep, continuous circles. Jane felt her eyes roll back in her head before they were forced shut. She bit her lip painfully. "I like when you are made to wait, there is always a little patch of red on your chest, and your gasping and moaning and begging is music to my ears".
He turned Jane onto her back and moved over her slowly, he pulled her lips towards his ready mouth and brought his tongue in to do the work that his hands had just done. Jane cried out at the feel of him, at the familiarity of the act that sent waves like fire through her body. He dipped into her, and Jane covered her mouth to quiet the noise of need that erupted from her like trumpet call.
Edward drew back momentarily and took her hands down,
"I want to hear you" he said firmly, but it was not a demand.
Jane shook her head,
"There is no one around to hear" he continued, teasingly kissing the spot where her hips met her womanhood. It was agony.
"I do not care about anyone hearing besides Henry. If he wakes up-"
"Then I will take care of him" Edward finished, pinning Jane's hands above her head and kissing her into silence. She could taste herself on his lips and did not resist him again as he pulled her hips back to his lips.
"Ahh" Jane half pleaded, half gasped, again. She could feel the colour in her own cheeks, the sticky sheen of sweet over her face. She reached for the hair on top of Edward's head and grasped it tightly in her hand. It did not seem to matter to him, however. Jane felt a shudder move over her body as her painful pulsation in her stomach intensified. She naturally tried to pull away but was stilled by her lovers hand. Her body curled as the wall of feeling smashed into her and she was showered in the debris of her own desire. She looked down at her husband, watching her like she was the most beautiful thing the world had ever created. Strangely enough, despite the very intimate act they were engaging in, this was the thing that made her feel shy, and like she had to shield her face from him.
Instead, Jane pulled him up to her and kissed him in a different way- not needing, or wanting, or passionate, but in a loving and intimate one. It had surprised him, but he responded to her instantly, placing his hands in the small of her back to draw her closer to him. His damp curls touched her face and she smiled, the scent of him and his lovemaking filling her head.
"You transfix me" she breathed to him, moving a curl away from his forehead to reveal his eyes. His dark, searching, feeling eyes. He chuckled slightly and kissed her forehead as Jane sat up and manoeuvred him so that he lay before her, spread in his full manliness.
She set to work kissing every inch of him she could, in running her hands over his strong, solid form. His arms and legs flexed and relaxed as Jane's lips braised over him. His deep, masculine groans were something Jane thought she could listen to for hours. His confidence, his unwavering gaze from her expect in moments where his head was pushed back into the pillow, was something Jane was jealous of. He trusted her so much, and his vulnerability was so raw that it was hard not to be moved by the presence of him.
Jane put her hand flat against his chest to push him back as she moved a trail of kisses down his stomach to his manhood. But she drew back, looking at her husband authoritatively.
"Remain very still" she said, "Do not move".
She moved her hand slowly to her husbands manhood and watched his chest rise and fall drastically as she began to move her hand back and forth at a purposely slow pace.
"Jane-" he groaned, frustrated.
"Shh, no talking either".
He thumped his head back onto the pillow and closed his eyes in a disgruntled fashion, causing Jane tremendous trouble in trying not to laugh. She knew he wanted to object to her unusually painful slow pace, but she wished to make him suffer for once- though secretly she didn't know if her reserve would hold up that long.
"Jane no. You are driving me mad" he said, sitting up slightly and grabbing her arm.
She laughed, pushing him back onto the bed and pinning his hands to the side.
"Stop it, you aren't aloud to do that"
"Says who?"
"Me"
"You are torturing me"
"Good, you deserve it"
He looked in amazement upon his wife.
"No moving, no speaking".
"Can I touch you?"
"No, that requires you to move"
"Not if you move closer to me.."
"I do not think so"
"What if-"
"Shh"
Edward put his fist to his mouth as Jane continued, continually teasing in the changing of her speed. She could see Edward's brow furrow and relax as beads of sweat appeared on his forehead.
"Just a little-"
"Edward!"
"Jane darling, I am just- wait, where are you going?"
Jane had gotten to her feet and moved off the bed towards the window.
"Oh no you don't" he objected, instantly at his wife's side.
"Where are you going?"
"You were not listening to me" she said, trying very hard to look disapprovingly at him.
"You knew I was a bad listener when you married me"
"Indeed. What I did not know is what a unfair lover you would be"
"Mmm, well, it has never seemed to be a problem before now".
Jane bit back a smiling retort as she wrapped her arms around her husbands neck and held him close to her. He hugged her in a close embrace, kissing the top of her head.
"And what is this?" he asked in a changed tone.
"I did not think of my plan through, outside of the covers it is very cold".
He took Jane by the hand and lead her back to the bed, guiding her down softly onto the warmed blankets.
"I can fix that" he promised, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it devotedly.
He positioned himself to enter his wife, standing before her and holding her legs on either side of him. She looked up at him as he became fused with her, and the fire in Jane's chest was soothed in momentary familiarity. He moved one of Jane's legs over his shoulder and pushed into her deeper.
Jane gasped at the deep sensation of him, clutching at the bed sheets desperately. He had been cautious the last time they had made love, was careful of her newly healed body and the prospect of having sex with her again. Now he was far more comfortable, and allowed himself to take the lead without validating everything with Jane. As he pushed rhythmically in, and out, in, and out, Jane's eyes were forced shut.
"Stay with me darling" he said, kissing Jane's leg.
And then the feeling of complete oneness with each other, the final meeting of repressed feeling and overwhelming desire. The feeling of all the breath in ones lungs being snatched away and being rushed to their brain, making everything feel foggy and unclear. Edward grasped the bedpost, crying out as he came a few seconds later, collapsing onto his stomach beside his wife.
Jane lay quite still for a while, looking up at the ceiling, marvelling at her own breathing as it steadied and her heart as it stopped pumping dangerously fast. The room was completely silent apart from the cracking fire and her own husbands soft thoughts. She turned and found him facing her, smiling at her peaceful and content face.
She moved her finger down the line of his muscled back. He smiled sleepily at her and closed his eyes, sighing.
"You have a very big day tomorrow, you should sleep" Jane encouraged.
"Mmm, right now I do not want to think of anything besides you"
"What about your nice, warm, comfortable bed?"
"Not even close to being as good"
Jane, beginning to feel the cold on her naked skin again, and worrying if she did not move now she would become too tired to do so at all, climbed into the blankets. She pulled them up so that only her eyes were visible outside of them. Edward rolled onto his back, and looked at her, laughing to himself as he dragged himself under the covers.
"How am I supposed to kiss you goodnight like that?"
"Make it quick, I am very cold"
She pulled down the blankets, felt a quick peck on the lips, and pulled them back to their original position. Edward clasped the back of her head and drew her nearer, kissing her forehead slowly.
"I love you" he said, his voice brimming with honesty, "I love you in every imaginable way a person can love"
Jane pulled down the blankets again, this time in order to free her arm to move her hand to her husband's cheek.
"I love you" she said, trying so desperately hard to convey everything she felt in the simple, common and extraordinary words.