I hope you guys like this chapter! It ends in a little bit of a cliffhanger, but the rest to come very soon.
Thank you all! xoxoxox
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"Thank you Caroline" Jane was telling one of her chamber maids, "I did not get a chance to strip the beds of any of our guests, I cannot believe I forgot, it has been weeks now".
Caroline only smiled, "That is my job, ma'am, and I am very happy to do it".
Jane nodded, "Well thank you all the same, even though I should have had that finished long ago".
At that moment, John came down the hallway, moving slowly and yet moving quickly for his age and condition. Jane felt more confused as he approached, and even felt afraid when he had reached her. His face looked so sunken.
"John, what is it?" Jane asked,
"Ma'am there is a visitor here to see your husband. I told him that he was not home and yet he insisted on speaking to you".
Caroline shuffled away quickly. John's tone was peaked and serious. Jane looked at him,
"Who is he, John?"
"A Mr Mason, miss".
Jane felt her heart thud to the bottom of her stomach. That was a name she had not heard in a very long time. It was a name, although it was not his fault, that had caused her profound and unimaginable sadness in revealing the identity of his sister. She had put the name into the back of her mind, and it had not crossed her thoughts since. This sudden arrival was strange and difficult to process.
She said nothing, so John posed a question.
"Shall I send him away miss? He was quite insistent on speaking to you".
She was sure that John remembered who this man had been and was trying very hard to protect her from him. Gathering much courage, Jane shook her head.
"I would appreciate if you would show him into the main sitting room. Tell him I should be down in a moment".
He nodded in comprehension and was soon moving back down the hallway. Henry, who had been in Jane's arms fussed, and she bounced him absentmindedly. For once, her thoughts were not with her son. She considered calling Jenny and the other girls to watch him while she spoke with Mr Mason, but decided against it. It seemed to be dishonest in a conversation that was sure to be anything but. She took a deep breath and descended the stairs towards the sitting room.
She had a clear view of Mr Mason before he saw her. He stood in the middle of the room, his hat clutched wearily in both of his hands. He looked down at the floor, and then around the room, seeming to take in all that he could see. Two years had aged him significantly. His hair was not so thick as it once was, rather wispy and thin, and the dark brown, almost black that it once was was fading into a premature grey. His face was sallow, and thin and when he saw her, it bore a similar guilty look he had given her so long ago upon bursting through the church doors and declaring the marriage- her marriage, to be illegitimate.
He bowed quickly upon seeing her, and then he took a double take at the child in her arms. Jane stepped towards him.
"Hello Mr Mason" she said politely, struggling to keep her voice even and indifferent.
"Hello, Ms Rochester" he said, with equal politeness, though he was perhaps worse at concealing his nerves than she was.
"Please, sit" Jane offered, sitting across from him with Henry in her lap.
"This is our son, Henry".
He bowed his head, "He looks well"
"I would like to hope so. Apart from when he is crying, which can be frequently, he seems to be a very content child. I hope so, anyways".
He nodded again silently, this line of conversation not easing the awkwardness between them.
"I will not trifle with you, Ms Rochester. You must be very surprised to see me, and I must be a very unwelcome guest here"
"You are a surprise, but I should see no reason why you would be unwelcome".
He stared blankly at her, trying to make out some secret meaning in her words that were simply not here.
"With all due respect, ma'am, I understand what I did to yours and your husbands happiness. Though I do not regret it, I thought you would be angry with me, even furious".
Jane thought before answering, wishing her loyalties to remain with her husband while explaining the situation as best she could to Mr Mason.
"You did the only thing you could have done, Mr Mason, and my husband would agree with you. You stopped something that was wrong".
He nodded, unsure whether to trust Jane's calm words or not.
"Well I am...surprised you feel that way. I am grateful for your understanding".
Jane tilted her head to the side, observing him.
"I must admit, I do find it strange you are here wishing to speak to me when you come and find my husband is not home at present. I am sure that John informed you he will be back tomorrow".
"Ah" he said, looking thoughtful, "I am afraid what I wished to tell him could not wait beyond today. My luck is poor, and now I fear I will never have the chance to say such things to Edward directly. I must ask you to repeat what I intend to share with you so that you may pass it on to him. You look confused, Ms Rochester. I am dying, you see, contracted some sort of illness from Paris and have not recovered since. I am going home to be at peace, in the final months, perhaps weeks I have left. I have not spoken with Edward in a very long time, since the news of my sisters death, but I owe him much- far more than I was ever willing to admit in the times we spoke. I do not wish to die a remorseful man, Ms Rochester".
Jane reflected on the words and felt truly sorry for him. He was not old, and could not have deserved such a premature death. It did not seem he had ever gained much happiness from this life. She could tell that death would not come peacefully to him, even now he looked laboured and unwell, and like this was not an end he could meet while holding the white flag of surrender.
Mr Mason mistook her silence for something else, for he spoke again as if he had not properly informed her of his intentions.
"I wished to apologise for my actions to him in the past, and in many ways my actions, or lack thereof, caused you equal unhappiness. I am sure by now your husband has told you in detail the story of how he and my sister were brought into an engagement and eventually marriage?"
"Yes, of course"
"Then he has told you that his Father and brother contacted my father, knowing that my family was half deluded with madness and illness?"
"Yes"
"My father, like his, was selfish. He wished Bertha to be out of his hands, and out of his hair. His father and mine plotted to bring the two together. Edward was young, two years younger than myself, and they knew, as I knew, that he was impressionable. I allowed the union to happen for purely selfish reasons. I was tired of my father complaining of Bertha's unnatural and unreasonable ways. I, in my youth, did not want to be responsible for her any more either. We encouraged each other in securing our freedom from her as my father had already done with my mother by placing her in an institution many years before. I did not know Edward when he married my sister, for they had only even spoken at parties where we knew Bertha's true character could be hidden effectively. He himself had only spoken with her a handful of times, and never alone. We were always there to push the union along and, eventually,we were successful".
It was very painful for Jane to listen to this. Edward had significantly dulled other peoples influence over the union when he had described the situation to Jane. He had taken all the blame, and from Mr Masons tale it was evident that his only mistake was youth, and that goodness lay under the unfortunate ability to be flattered far too easily.
"I felt immensely guilty when the marriage had taken place. Not only because I realised what I had done, but because I liked Edward very much. He was lighthearted then, and full of youthful energy. My sister killed him in many ways. Days into their union I believe he saw her true character, if not within the first hour of their time alone. Edward understood then that he was laboured with her increasing madness until he died, and that took an immense toll on me".
He stopped again, this time waiting for a comment from Jane.
"You may be able to see, Mr Mason, that I have little compassion for what you suffered in comparison to what you laboured my husband with. You knew the difference, you knew your sister. You knew that her circumstances were indeed very unfortunate, and that any man who inherited caring for her would be miserable for the whole of their lives. Could you not see past your own selfishness to grant a man happiness? To grant a man his life?"
Ms Mason remained frozen, saying nothing.
"I did not mean to imply that my suffering was worse than your husbands- only that I was not free from guilt either. My guilt only increased when I had seen what my horrible sister had degraded into. You see Ms Rochester, not even Edward can know the full extent of her awful character, even before he meet her. She was selfish, rough, and destructive in obtaining whatever she wanted. With her illness, all these qualities only grew more fowl and unbearable. Edward may have hated her, and rightfully so, for she tricked him herself, but he never treated her badly when he had every opportunity to do so. I will always respect him for the amount of decency he showed to Bertha, in spite of how undeserving she was of it. In the end, he suffered permanent scars and at one time blindness for trying to save her, though she had caused him to lose the most important thing in the world. I wished to tell him that I know the cost of what he has done".
Jane thought it was cruel and strange for a brother to talk of his sister in such a way. Even if she was horrible before her descent into madness, it was an odd way to address her memory in death. There was strange aggression in his words, anger which throbbed in his veins. She did not think this spoke well of Mr Masons character, which was quick to blame everyone but himself. But, Jane was quick to remind herself of the thing which Edward had found redeeming in him- that he continued to look after his sister. He cared about her well being, and this conversation was proof of it.
"Strange" he said, thoughtfully, before Jane had a chance to reply to him. "In ways, we are very connected, you and I. You saved my life at one point, or at least aided me when I was in need of saving. How strange that this is where we have ended up. That small, quiet governess is now the lady of a beautiful home with a family. And that man she helped, with supposedly everything in the world, is reduced to ruin and illness that will kill him with ferocity. I suppose it is my punishment. If it is, I shall bare it with as much grace as possible".
He paused.
"Bertha ruined many lives, Ms Rochester. She ruined Edward's, mine, my fathers. God has forgiven Edward. He has granted him a fair measure of happiness after the goodness he showed to my sister. But, he has continued to punish me straight to my death, and I will never understand why until I come to meet him".
Jane laid Henry, just asleep, into a bassinet beside her so that her hands were free. She knitted her fingers together and looked into the face of her companion who was a stranger, but oddly close to every moment of her life. This thought softened her.
"Mr Mason, you do not know me well, or perhaps even at all, so I feel like I must tell you that I am a very honest person. I do not say things that I do not mean. Perhaps under very different circumstances, and in another time, we would know each other well enough so I did not need to tell you this in advance".
She felt a breeze of encouragement move through her, and she sat up a little taller.
"You still speak very ill of your sister. You call her a burden, and you call her a torment in your life. Though she robbed my husband of every share of happiness in life, he still understood that her madness was not her fault, and although she was no good woman before their marriage or after, the violence of all her worst traits was accelerated by a condition she could not help. If it was in her to repent, for I do not know if it was, she never had the chance. Bertha lived a burdened and tormented life too I am sure, though she was made comfortable and well taken care of".
Jane paused, looking at Mr Mason with as much honesty as she could muster.
"Do not let your heart be troubled now. The time for guilt and shame are long gone. You come with an apology that does not need to be spoken. I can speak for my husband when I tell you that he harbours no bad feelings towards you. We cannot change the past, Mr Mason, and for you to spend time thinking about what kind of person then is a waste of the precious time you have left. Return home knowing that what you have told me I will faithfully pass on to my husband. Return home in peace".
He looked at Jane, bewildered. He looked as if he did not know what to say- as if this turn in conversation was the last thing he expected to hear. In ways, Jane wished they had more time together- that she could be sure he would leave unburdened, and free from whatever obligation he felt to Mr Rochester. But she could see he was itching to leave, and that nothing but a need to be thorough pinned him to the sofa that he sat on. It was odd- Edward thought so little of him now, but the way Mr Mason sat before Jane she was positive that he thought of Mr Rochester frequently. Remorse, Jane reflected, was a terrible burden.
He nodded at her, and sighed, standing up.
"As you say, in another time we may have even been friends...had we all made better choices. You are a remarkable woman. I understand so clearly what your husband sees in you. I know he realises what a lucky man he is. He was never a fool, after all. Thank you for your kindness to me, and thank you for listening. For now, there is nothing more I can think of to say to you".
Jane nodded wordlessly, standing with him.
"Goodbye, Ms Rochester"
"Goodbye, Mr Mason" Jane said, kindly, "I wish you well".
As he turned to leave the room Jane stopped him abruptly by calling his name.
"Please. There is ink and paper beside you. Write your address in Jamaica. I am sure Edward will have wished he was here to speak to you personally, and will want to send you a letter in response to all you have said".
Mason, looking confused but somewhat satisfied that he could have one last direct correspondence with his old and complicated acquaintance, scribbled down his address.
Looking up, he smiled sadly.
"I am truly happy that Edward has found his way back to you- that God has been kind to you both. Your happiness is well deserved. I only wish it could have come sooner, at far lower a cost".
And with that, he had rounded the corner and was out of sight forever.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Jane was ill at ease the rest of the afternoon and into the night.
The encounter had been brief, almost like it had never happened at all, yet it left Jane feeling strange and unsettled. She knew that Mr Mason, as flawed as he was, would suffer death alone- and soon. His apology had been in order to clear his own conscious, but Jane wondered how much of that emotional weight had actually been lifted from him- he seemed like the sort that would carry it as a badge of honour until his final days. How short and fleeting were the moments she had known him, and yet how profoundly had he shaped her life, perhaps without even noticing.
She had her tea alone that night, musing that Edward's concerns of whether or not Henry would take a long time to put to asleep were all for nothing. He slept well, and Jane stayed with him for as long as she could before retiring to her own room.
She undressed slowly, groggily, and with little intention. It look her much longer than it normally did, for her mind was absorbed. She had a feeling if her husband was around she would have had someone to loosen up all the knots of thought in her mind, but she was alone, and her mind ran amuck. She was surprised how one year and a few months of marriage could so drastically alter her ability to ease her own mind.
The night was freezing, despite it being summer. The day had been odd too, feeling abnormally cold in comparison to what the average summer day had been. She should have suspected the night would be similar. As she climbed into bed, she felt the cold sheets against her body and shivered. The fire, though lit, was simply not warm enough tonight. But then Henry crossed her mind, and she wondered if he had been warm enough.
Pulling her sheets back, and releasing whatever warmth she had stored up in the blankets, she went to check on her son. Henry's nursery next door was much smaller than her own bedroom and the fire lit in this room kept it comfortably warm. Henry was also wrapped in warm blankets apart from the sleeping outfit he was already wearing. Jane touched his cheek ever so gently and found him to be content, his fingers and toes tucked into the blanket securely.
She sighed, wondering is she was merely looking for excuses to keep herself awake. Her mind was still racing with thoughts, and she didn't feel the least bit tired. Frustrated, she returned to her room and climbed back into bed.
She was angry at her husband now for going- irrationally angered by her lack of sleep. He was always so welcoming, his body her personal warmth all night. She simply did not sleep as well with him not there. She knew this would be the case when he left, but she could not settle herself, and felt there was no chance of falling into a deep sleep any time soon. She once again threw back the sheets and climbed out of bed.
She dug in Edward's drawers looking for his longer nightshirts intended for winter. Finding them on the very bottom, she took one out and pulled it over her head, trying to disturb as few of his things as possible. The fabric of his nightshirts were much thicker then hers, and he hardly ever used them. He was always warm enough to sleep without anything. He often teased Jane that if she was to put a little more meat on her bones, and became a little warmer naturally, he would get the same benefit of sleeping with her as she did with him wearing nothing to bed.
She hoisted up the nightgown material so she didn't trip on the ends that dragged on the floor and got back into bed, pulling the blankets up to her chin, with admittedly with a few additions. As she lay there, her eyes pointlessly closed, she listened for the sounds of the night. They were unnaturally easy to hear, and with a sudden realisation she saw that one of the windows was left opened from the night before. Feeling more frustrated and cold then ever, she got up and tried to slam the window shut, but it would not budge. She did not know if it was because she did not have the strength or because it was truly stuck, but it was pointless for her to keep trying. Desperately, she took a blanket from the bed, hesitant to let it go, and pinned it up to the window, at least blocking the main persistent wind from blowing through her room.
Jane did not remember when she fell asleep, but it was not for a long time after. Still, she must have fallen into a light sleep for she was woken up by sound in her room. When her eyes flicked opened it felt like they had never closed. She had had no rest. It was still dark, and her eyes focused on a black figure standing by the window trying very hard to force it shut. Edward's familiar grunts told Jane who the intruder was, although she had little doubt, even in this dim lighting. Laying her head back on the pillow she realised she had been sleeping in the same position in order to keep the warmth in the blankets and as a result was very stiff.
Finally the sound of the window slamming pulled Jane back to her senses. Edward sighed heavily, shaking his head towards the blanket hanging in front of it. For the first time he looked to Jane and saw that she was awake. She had pulled herself into a seated position, and was looking towards him.
"Why did you not call one of the servants up to look at this window?" he demanded, "It is cold out tonight. You must be freezing".
Jane cautioned herself before she spoke, careful not to get angry at him for something that was not his fault.
"It was too late when I realised" she said plainly, "I wouldn't have woken them up for a window- it is the summer after all".
"It may be summer but tonight it does not feel like it" he said, throwing off his travelling cloak, "You should have called someone to come and close it".
He was not especially angry with her, but his voice was firm. This did nothing for Jane's mood.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, "Why are you home? What time is it?"
He flipped opened a pocket watch laying on a table beside him and looked at it,
"Almost three"
Jane crossed her arms,
"And I am assuming you just arrived home?"
"Of course I have just arrived home".
He had less patience in his voice now.
"And what were you doing travelling at night? And alone?" Jane asked, "What is so urgent that you needed to come home straight away? You know how dangerous the roads can be at night. That was an necessary risk, Edward. You would have been home in a few hours time and under much safer circumstances".
He paused to look at her, his shirt half pulled over his head.
"Well if I knew that was the sort of welcome I would receive, I do not think I would have rushed home. I was only excited to get back to my family".
"If something had happened to you on the road you would never have returned to us"
"And yet here I am" he said obviously, taking off his socks with more force than necessary.
Jane sighed and lay back down in the bed, her hand over her eyes. She had thought about wanting him home for the majority of her night and now he was here, she was scolding him. She wanted to bury her face in the pillow.
Edward sat on the edge of the bed, his back to Jane, before sighing and turning slowly. Jane watched the tension fall from his shoulders and heard his pride vanish from his voice.
"I'm sorry, love. I shouldn't have said anything about the window. I know why you did not call anyone to help, and if I had been here I would have closed it for you. Forgive me, please".
"No, it was not a good day, Edward. I have been thinking all night about how much I wish you would come back here, and now that you have, I have spent your time telling you that you should not have come back. I do not mean a word of it. I am sorry".
"Why did you want me?" he asked seriously, cupping her face in his hand, "What happened today?"
Jane pulled him into bed beside her. She felt her heart relax and her mind begin to run silently. He was all warmth and comfort to her. He reached out to draw her nearer, but touched her arm and gasped slightly.
"Darling, you are freezing" he said, sounding more concerned than surprised. He took her hands in his and held them to his mouth. Jane shook her head at him,
"All is well now".
He touched her back and moved his hand down her leg to where her nightgowns ended, pulling them up slightly to feel how many layers she was wearing within her thick bundle of clothing.
"Come here" he said, lifting his arm so that she could be as close to him as possible. He wrapped his strong and protective arms around her and pressed his lips to the forehead that naturally rested against them.
"Tell me what happened today" he entreated, but Jane shook her head.
"Can we please talk in the morning? I know you must be tired too from travelling all night. I am not sure I could string more then a few sentences together at present".
He nodded, "Of course".
But by this time she was already asleep.
. . . . .
Jane woke to soft kisses being planted on her forehead. She stirred slightly, not wishing to open her eyes just yet. She cuddled into the frame that had remained by her all night, breathing in his familiar scent. She had slept very soundly in comparison to what she had suffered earlier in the night and had no desire to wake yet- but his lips brushed her cheek again and she could not pretend that she was not being roused from sleep.
Edward's face was serious and thoughtful when she opened her eyes. He was sitting upright, his back pressed to the headboard as his hand traced shapes in her back absentmindedly. His gaze was set on some unmarked place before him. Jane turned ever so slightly, propping herself up on her arm. She touched his leg with her hand and he turned towards her.
"How did you sleep?" he asked seriously.
"Very well"
"You did not sound as if you did. You murmured in your sleep all night long".
"I'm sorry. I did not mean to keep you awake with such mutterings. Why did you not shake me awake"
"That is not what bothered me" he said, "You only talk in your sleep when you are keeping something from me that is bothering you. I am sorry I have just woken you, but I could not lay here any longer not knowing what happened yesterday".
Jane nodded and pulled herself up to sit beside him too. She ran though her mind what was the best way to tell him of Mr Mason's arrival, but no answer seemed like the right one. As she thought, she was swept onto her husbands lap. She was now looking directly into his face and felt guilty for it. The one person she told everything became the one person that she did not want to tell about this interaction.
He tilted her chin up, bringing her gaze to his.
"While you were gone yesterday, Ms Mason arrived here".
All encouragement in Edward's face fell, and he looked rather shocked.
"Mason?" he repeated