Hello all, hope you are all doing really well and life has been treating you well. I have been really busy with work, so I am sorry for the slower pace with posting.
There are a lot of exciting things coming up in the story which I hope you guys will really like. I have had a lot of fun planning them.
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xoxo
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When Jane arrived down at breakfast a few minutes later she found a very unusual sight- two of the most talkative people she knew sitting quietly at the table. Diana had her hand over her mouth, looking absentmindedly out of the window while Anne twirled her fork thoughtlessly around her plate of breakfast. When they both were brought back into alertness by the sound of Jane's footsteps entering the room, they both immediately launched into all of their frustrations from the previous night.
Jane understood where they spoke from, for in truth it was any woman's worst nightmare to find her husband drunk and stunned wandering in through the door. But it had been, overall, a harmless incident that had not happened any previous time. Although all of their husbands drank, it did not seem to be a problem for any of them, though Jane could only speak absolutely in terms of her husband.
Diana was primarily embarrassed because her husband had caused such a scene for their guests, and she suspected that he knew the strength of that wine and simply chose not to say. Anne, on the other hand, was frustrated because Eshton had been angry with her for making him sleep in a different room. She called this ridiculous because some nights he slept in a different room anyways from her, if he was up late enough, and at home it was never a problem. Apparently he had said some unkind remark to her before she left, and Jane was reminded of the slamming door she heard just before she and Edward had gotten into bed.
When all the frustrations had been spoken, and there was nothing left to say, Jane took folded her hands in her lap and looked up compassionately at her friends.
"I cannot say for certain whether Mr Franklin knew the strength of the wine, or whether Mr Eshton can remember the unkind comment he made to you, Anne. What I can say with certainty is that you both love your husbands, very much, and I am willing to bet that they are both feeling rather embarrassed this morning at their conduct last night. I am not saying that you should ignore the way you feel, but you must understand that without speaking honestly to them about the way you feel, they will never know, and you will be angry at them for something they do not realise. I fear in a marriage that would be a recipe for disaster, in the long run".
"But they did the wrong thing" Diana said, looking dejected, "They should be apologising to us".
"In a marriage, I think, if you begin keeping track of "wrongs" and "rights" then you will also be very unhappy in a short amount of time. Men are stubborn, and showing them that you are willing to listen will pull them out of feeling embarrassed and defensive. Do not apologise to them for making them sleep in a different room if you are not sorry, only tell them that you wish to talk, and you both can be honest".
"Are you not mad at Mr Rochester, Jane? Even in the smallest measurement?" Anne asked.
"Perhaps I would be, if we did not speak with each other last night before bed. But I make a point, as he does, to not fall asleep angry at one another".
Anne nodded and sighed, throwing her napkin into her lap.
"I am sorry, Diana, but I am just not hungry. I think I should go back upstairs and speak with Mr Eshton"
"Nor I" Diana replied, "I think I should go and do the same. Jane, thank you".
But before Jane could say anything, both had stood up and left the dining room in a hurry. Fully intent on finishing her breakfast, Jane enjoyed the sound of nothing but birds twittering in a nearby tree close to the opened window.
. . . . . . .
When Jane returned to her bedroom upstairs she found Edward asleep again with his son sleeping enclosed in his arms on the bed. It was nearly nine by now, and though she hated to wake him, she knew the others would be up soon. She went to the side of the bed and sat down before running her fingers slowly along his back. At first he moved and mumbled something incoherent, but then settled back into sleep. Jane bent over him and pressed a kiss to his warm cheek and then to his shoulder before shaking his arm lightly. This time his eyes fluttered opened.
"Good morning again"
"Hm? I did not mean to fall back asleep"
"It does not signify. Neither Mr Eshton nor Captain Franklin have risen yet"
"What time is it?"
"Just about nine o'clock"
Edward nodded and with some difficulty pushed himself into a seated position without waking Henry. He rubbed his eyes hazily and sighed.
"How is your head now?"
"Better, after you brought me that cloth. But still not like normal. Today may be a rough day for us all"
"Less so for the others, now. Diana and Anne went to speak to their respective husbands after breakfast"
"Which I am sure you had nothing to do with"
"They would have gone to speak with them eventually" Jane said, "It is not within women's natures to hold such grudges"
"Thank goodness for that" he said, putting his hand on the back of her head and drawing her in for a kiss.
"Jane!" he said, suddenly remembering a thought, "Last night I asked to speak with you about something this morning, I made you promise and you agreed but I cannot remember what it was for"
"Oh" Jane said in surprise, "I am not sure what it was, probably nothing important".
"It was if I made you promise. Besides, it is not like you to forget such things. What did I ask you? What are you withholding from me?"
Jane blushed a deep scarlet and Edward looked at her, grinning.
"Why are you blushing? What on earth could I have said to you?"
"You asked to lie together, which I said no to for a multitude of reasons, all of which you were fine with apart from not wanting to have relations in someone else's bed"
"Ah" Rochester said, "That sounds about right. Well you were serious in what you said, otherwise you would not be blushing so deeply right now".
"Are you disappointed?"
"Of course, I am always disappointed when I cannot be with you in that way"
"Then do you understand?"
"It does not matter whether I understand or not. You do not wish to do it, and so I will not try to convince you"
"Edward" Jane said, tugging lightly on the line of buttons on his nightshirt, "That is not an answer that makes me feel any better"
"It is the truth, Jane, love"
"It is just that I can be very loud- you make me very loud" she said quietly "I have never been good at remaining quiet and I would be mortified if I woke someone in the house, or if someone heard us..."
Edward could not help but look a little prideful at her confession but he only nodded,
"I know"
Jane dropped her hand and looked at him longingly.
"I am unhappy"
"I can tell, but you look very sweet while you are acting in such a way and so I do not wish to dispel your grief too quickly"
But when Jane looked genuinely upset he sighed, "Come here" he said softly, drawing her onto his lap.
"I love you Jane Rochester, far too well to make you unhappy. I will not be selfish to satisfy myself. Besides, I love you in far too profound a way to act like making love is the height of my affection for you or the most important thing to me. I am just as happy with you here, in my arms. I mean that".
Jane leaned her head against his shoulder, curling her feet up and resting comfortably for as long as she could manage it before Henry would wake beside them. Surely it would be soon- he had slept through the whole night and into this morning.
Edward lips brushed gently over her temple and onto her forehead before he pressed a kiss to Jane's cheek.
"Mmm" she soothed, sighing in relaxation.
. . . . . . . . . .
As the morning shifted into the afternoon Jane thought increasingly of Mary, and how she was doing. Jane wished to go and speak with her, but there always seemed to be some sort of impediment. At first, Mary was getting a bath while Jane went up and when she returned later in the day Mary was taking a nap. So, Jane took it upon herself to go with Henry into the nursery with the two nurses who normally attended to Mary's baby. At first they seemed surprised to see her, but when Jane introduced herself and her son they seemed to lighten their resolve and become far more friendly. They were only young. Neither girl could have been older than one and twenty. They offered Jane a seat next to the crib containing little Daniel and she very happily sat down, thankful for the chance to rest.
"I am sorry if I am interrupting your work" Jane began, but the girls vigorously shook their heads.
"Oh no ma'am. Master Daniel has just gone to sleep. Our job is done until he wakes up"
"And how is he as a baby?"
"He is a wonderful baby" one of the young girls said enthusiastically, "Easy to put to sleep, feed, and change. Sometime he even sleeps through most of the night".
Jane smiled, "You make me feel rather jealous. My Henry cried for the first three months straight. Neither myself or my husband ever got any sleep".
Jane immediately regretted this comment. It showed that they did not hire a nurse, and she worried that the young girls would think it was because she did not think them useful or helpful. Thankfully they only smiled.
"Oh Miss, how awful. I grew up round babies all of the time, and so I know how difficult a fussy baby can be. It tires one out ever so much"
"Exactly" Jane said, "I had never known it was possible to be as tired as I was in those days"
"But he is settled now?" the other, more quiet girl asked,
"Yes, thankfully he is starting to settle a little more, and sleep a little more into the night without waking. I am very thankful for it".
A slight pause,
"You two must be absolutely wonderful with children, or I know you would not have been hired under Mr Franklin's roof"
They both smiled with a prideful glow that Jane liked seeing on their faces. She remembered as a servant that the highest compliment one could receive was that their work was being done well. It was often the reassurance that you would still have a job the next day and that you would not be disposable as so many servants became.
Both girls prompted in such a way went on to tell Jane their stories, their experience with their many brothers and sisters before leaving home to go and work in order to help support the youngsters they were leaving behind. Jane listened intently, asking questions along the way and joining in their cheery laughter. It was refreshing, Jane thought, to have this moment of humility while with these two girls amid this massive and overbearing house. She felt oddly more at ease here than at the large and grand dining table with golden spoons.
"I must admit" Jane said at long last, getting to the point of why she had come, "I am wondering after Mary. She seems happy in ways, but in others not so much. She stays either confined to her bed or in the tub, sleeps much of the day and seems to want to be with baby Daniel very little. Is it always like this?"
The two girls faces suddenly dropped slightly and their conversational smiles turned into apprehensive looks.
"I would say yes miss, for the most part"
"Yes indeed. We see most of Master Daniel during the day, and she sees him only when he is not fussing, which for a new born as you know miss is very limited. At first this was under mistress Diana's request, so Mary could sleep after her delivery, but now it seems to be the established routine. It is a bit odd, miss, if I am honest with you".
Jane nodded, "I thank you for your honesty. I am worried for her. You have been told, I am sure, of why she is with child without a husband".
They nodded again wordlessly, looking even more solemn than before.
"Well, it must be exceptionally hard for her. I wish to do more, but I do not wish to overstep any lines".
"No!" the other joined in, "Indeed she spoke of nothing else but your arrival leading up until Master Daniel's birth. She was immensely excited for you and your husband to come. I am sure you could not overstep a line with her, ma'am".
"-Jane, and thank you for your reassurance, and all your stories. And thank you for caring for Daniel so well. Mary will need lots of help once she takes a more active role, and I am very glad it shall come from you both".
The two girls played with Henry for a little while until dinner was announced and Jane made her way into her room to get changed.
. . .
When dinner had concluded, and the group had moved into the sitting room for cards and other games, Jane found herself in the company of Captain Franklin. When the others had settled into thoughtful conversation, and Edward and Eshton had begun one of their intensive games of chess, the Captain turned on Jane.
"I believe I owe you some thanks" he said lowly over the rim of his wine glass, "I had a rather unexpected but pleasant conversation with Diana this morning that I believe was inspired by you".
Jane did not really know how to respond. She had not tried, in particular, to do anything- she only wished for her friends to be happy in their marriages. She conveyed as much to the Captain, but he shook his head.
"I am a realistic man, Jane. I know that you and your husbands marriage is a unique and very happy one. I know that you two do not have to work very hard for your marriage, or if you do, you are so in sync with one another that it is too natural to feel like work. I am happy to have friends who demonstrate this so effortlessly, and who can help those of us who are a little newer to this. Somehow I get the feeling that even when you two first meet it did not feel like you two were strangers".
Jane blushed ever so slightly, mulling over the truth of his words.
"Me and my husband have a happy marriage at the expense of it not being completely what society tells us it should be. I know you have already overstepped that convention in marrying Diana, and in marrying for love. I have always admired you for that".
He smiled,
"Diana had my heart for a long time, and she knows this. I only wish it had been me this morning coming to apologise to her. I was embarrassed about the events of last night, and in truth I did not want to face her scoldings that I knew I deserved. But it did not pass like that after all, and I felt much better when he parted than before. So, I thank you again".
Jane smiled, "I am glad to hear so, Captain".
He nodded and took a sip of his wine, balancing the bottom on the cup on the end of his fingers while his other hand held the top.
"How would the 14th suit you for a ball?" he asked, a little louder so that the whole room could hear. The men looked up from their chess game and Anne and Diana beamed from the couch on which they sat. They all agreed heartily, and Edward, in solidarity with his wife, only winked at her.
"Then it is settled" Franklin concluded, "I shall send out invitations tomorrow. I am sure it will be great fun, and surely Mary will wish to join us for that".
The three women gathered shared a knowing look. If Mary was locked up in her room with only family and close friends here Jane thought it very unlikely she would emerge for a party. Still, it was worth mentioning to her if there was even the slightest possibility she may want to come.
"May I borrow Captain Franklin for a minute?" Diana asked, rising from her seat, "There is something I wish to discuss with him".
"But of course" Jane nodded, "I have kept him long enough".
When Jane turned her eyes fell upon Anne who was patting the couch cushion beside her in an eager invitation.
"So, a ball" Anne began slowly, "How does that make you feel?"
"Terrified" Jane admitted honestly. "You know very well that I do not do well in situations where I must amble around with the goal of being admired. I am nothing special in either looks or interests. Besides, I am married!"
"But not in your grave yet" Anne teased,
"Excuse me" Edward called, looking up from his chess game, "Do not give her any idea's, Anne, of leaving me for another man"
"As if that was likely" Eshton said, very concentrated "Rochester, stick to the game"
But Jane only smiled at her husband and looked back at Anne.
"Jane, the point is not to flaunt yourself around like was required when you were in search of a husband-"
"I never went to a ball in search of a husband, that is the point. I have such little practice, and am so ill-equipped with the whole experience of attending a ball".
Anne laughed, "Oh Jane, forgive me, you know I know this. You will be on the arm of your more than capable husband, and you will have friends there this time as well. At our Christmas Ball, which you were dazzling at, we could not talk with you much because we were hosting. This time, we shall have lots of opportunity to be in each others company".
Jane winced slightly, frowning, knowing what the reaction to her next statement would be.
"I did not bring a dress that was formal enough for the ball"
"Oh!" Anne said, clapping her hands together, "Excellent. That means we shall have to go into town to shop for one. How exciting!"
"Oh no" Jane said quickly, "That would be such a waste. I would only wear it to a ball, and how frequently do we attend those-"
"Jane, there will be no arguing. We shall go tomorrow. Surely your husband will not mind relinquishing a few dollars on the excursion"
"No, I dare say he will not" Jane said, "Seeing as he encourages me to use more of it rather than keeping it from me"
He grinned without looking up from his game, "I do not have to worry about Jane spending too much money, especially on herself- no Eshton, it is my turn. I will only have to worry when she bankrupts me spending money on poverty baskets for the poor".
"There you are. It is settled" Anne said confidently.
Jane put her hand up to her mouth in thought, but could think of no way out of this one. Submitting to the prospect, she only sighed at her friend who looked far too excited for the shopping trip the next day.
. . . . .
The next morning Jane delayed for as long as she could as she dressed herself. Though she said nothing, Edward noticed her slowed activity and asked her what was wrong.
"I do not wish to be away from Henry for so long" she said, looking at her son resting in her husbands arms. He looked so perfectly sweet and at ease, it was hard to imagine being away from him so that she could not pick him up and hold him in her arms when she wanted.
"It will only be for a few hours maximum" Edward said reassuringly, "He will still be here when you return, I promise"
"It is not just that" Jane said, sitting on the edge of the bed so that she faced her husband. "Ever since we have been here I have been spending too much time away from him. Granted, I like the nurses here very much, and they are very good to him but I feel like I am neglecting him".
"Jane, love" Edward began firmly, but not unkindly, "You are with Henry constantly. You never give yourself a break. Take this morning for yourself. Do not worry about what is happening here. Henry will be with me and we shall do very well together until you return".
She allowed herself to be pulled in for a forehead kiss before she sighed and stood quickly.
"Very well. What if I come home with the biggest, laciest, boldest, and most flashy dress I can possibly find?"
"Then I will wonder where my Jane and what impostor took her place. Then I would make very quick work of removing it".
"You better not be removing anything from anyone who you believe to be an impostor of me"
Jane tried to look disapproving look but his charming, boyish grin always dissolved her resolve instantly.
"I am being serious" he teased, planting a kiss on her stomach and pressing his forehead to her.
"I do not doubt you".
Moving her towards him by the waist, Edward pulled Jane down to his lips and kissed her lovingly.
"Return soon, I will miss you".
"I will, in the most plain and unimposing dress I can find. Then you will know it is me"
He chuckled heartily as Jane bent over her son.
"Good bye my love" Jane said, kissing the top his head, "I love you very much"
Edward looked rather expectantly at Jane and she grinned, "You too, Mr Rochester".
. . . . .
The ride into town was impeded by immense amounts of rain that poured onto the roads. The late summer rain was warm, and sure not to last very long, but it greatly slowed their journey. The town closest to the Franklin's was Milford, a rather large town that Diana spent much of the ride describing.
"It is rather large. Too large for us to walk through top to bottom in one day" she was explaining, "So I know which dress shops to go to, and I have a feeling that one of the dresses I saw there last week will be stunning on you, Jane".
"I am not looking for stunning" Jane admitted honestly, "I am looking for plain and simple".
"Absolutely not" Anne interjected, "There is no reason for a women to ever look 'plain and simple'. You, Jane Rochester, are too admired for such. Besides..." she continued, looking slightly calculating, "Do you not think that you should look a certain way for a certain person who will be in attendance?"
"Who?"
"Blanche is going to be there"
"Oh no" Jane said calmly, "There is no need for me to dress up any particular way because she is there. I am married, so is she, there is nothing to prove between us. There was never anything to prove between us. I fear we have far more in common than we do in differences".
"You may think that way, Jane, because you are as close to an angel as one can be on this earth. Blanche certainly is not thinking that way of you, and why should you let her loom that way over you?"
"She doesn't. I do not think of her, so how can she loom over me?"
Diana sat back, arms folded.
"I pity her" Jane continued to explain, "When I saw her at Thornfield hall, when I observed her from the corner of the room, I saw a very insecure person who had one goal in life. She moved about the room, floating from man to man, trying to get one of them to fall in love with her, or at least with her beauty and youth. She had no convictions, no original thoughts, no stirring of feeling beneath her beautiful and cool exterior. She did not look happy, nor fulfilled. I am not even sure she had any sense of who she was. Imagine living that way. I have nothing but compassion for her, in spite of her shallow vanity that she used so often to try and hurt me".
Anne nodded solemnly, "In truth, Jane, I thought I would have to be like her in my own life in order to find a husband. It is what all of us in upper class families are taught. Be beautiful. Be talented. Be charming so that a man will love you. There was never any mention of know who you are- or what you are willing to be as a woman. I am very lucky, because I meet Mr Eshton and he was light, and funny, and easy to talk to. I never had to abandon myself in others company to win a husband because I had found one before I was pushed into that place. Perhaps we have been to hard on her in assuming what she deserved".
Diana frowned, "I only know that she tried to hurt you, and she insulted you Jane and so I promised I would never form any attachment with her. But if what you say is true, I shall soften my opinion of her".
Jane smiled,
"I like the idea of women supporting each other more than women being cruel to one another. We all suffer the same lives, if not at home, then certainly on a public level. We all have unfair expectations placed on us. It is a matter of being willing to see it in others that makes a difference".
She took her friends hands,
"Which is why I am so thankful for two immensely wonderful friends".
They beamed at her, quick to add in their own words of love.
When they had reached town they found that the dress shop was not very far at all. As the carriage slowed in front of the doors they saw a very peculiar sight. There was a small huddle of women outside speaking frantically with the owner who would not allow them inside.
"Ladies, please. Only so many at a time" he was saying, "If you wait patiently, all will be well. Oh, here they are!" he said, eyeing the carriage that Jane, Anne and Diana had just arrived in. When Jane was helped down onto the ground there were twenty pairs of eyes on her, narrowed in dislike as she, and her companion were ushered into the shop.
" 'Here they are' ?" Jane said lowly to Diana, "How did they know we were coming?"
Diana smiled apologetically, "Don't be cross with me, promise"
"Why would I be cross with you?"
But before the question could be answered Jane was swept away by a women with a tape measure around her neck and a very wide skirt which dragged very gracefully on the ground as she moved about quickly.
"Ms Rochester?"
"Yes, Jane-"
"Ms Rochester come this way. Your selection of dresses are waiting".
When Jane turned around she saw Diana and Anne being brought away in a similar fashion, though they looked far more excited for what was about to come than Jane felt.