Hello everyone!
Let me know what you think of this chapter! There are lots of little details about the characters that Jane and Rochester love and consider family that I think is kind of interesting.
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"What?" Eshton asked curiously, seeing the three girls sunken faces.
"Honestly" Anne said angrily, marching past him out of the room. Eshton, no longer looking amused followed behind her without another word.
Diana went to speak, but found she could say nothing. Instead, she threw her hands up in the air and looked at Captain Franklin.
"I am going to be upstairs. Goodnight Jane, sleep well. Especially after today"
She sent Edward a fuming glance, but he did not notice it. He had eyes only for his wife and son after Diana's comment. She too turned on the spot and marched upstairs, followed by Franklin who rolled his eyes in frustration as she left the room.
"What did she mean, 'especially after today'?"
"Only that I had a hard day with Henry"
"Why? What was wrong?"
"He cried except for when he slept, and that was only for perhaps twenty minutes".
Edward did not speak again. He only looked incredibly sorry and guilty. That was enough for Jane, for she was positive of one thing- that he would never do anything to hurt her or Henry intentionally. He sat down beside her and put his hand over hers, but she stood.
"I am rather tired. I think I am going to turn in for the night, if you are willing to watch Henry for a little while".
"Of course" he said, but Jane was already halfway across the room.
"Jane" he called quickly, "Jane, will you come back here, just for a moment?"
She was still somewhat angry, and ready to pounce on him for demanding anything of her, but instead he only planted a kiss on her hand and took Henry from her arms. Feeling far too many emotions, she turned and left the room for bed.
. . .
When Jane woke she was surprised to learn that she had fallen asleep at all. Her mind was so full when she had lay down, and thoughts spun around her mind so rapidly, that even closing her eyes felt fruitless.
But she had fallen asleep, for she had awoken to a soft touch on her arm. When the room came into focus she saw her husband sitting beside her, his hand resting on her arm, his thumb caressing her so lightly that she could barely feel it.
"Please do not think me terrible for waking you. I could not lay awake knowing you are angry with me".
Jane sat up so that she could look into his face, exhausted and guilty as it was. He pulled his hand away from her arm and rested it on his knee instead. He was still dressed, and the bags under his eyes spoke to his sleepless night.
"I am not angry with you, Edward. At least not anymore"
"You have every right to be, Jane. Every right in the world".
"I know I do, but I do not see the point in being angry at you any longer, it only hurts myself".
He shook his head painfully
"Jane, do not tell me such things, then I shall truly be inconsolable".
But Jane did not reply, so he continued.
"I owe you an explanation. You are wondering why I have spent the last few days away from you, why you woke last night to find me gone, and why we were away"
"I am"
"Well, it is because the whole point of Franklin's ball was to attract a man by the name of James Foley. Eshton had learned through some of his magistrate sources that Foley indeed knew the man that Mary was at one time employed with. And of course, who is the bastard father of her son. The man had fled when he heard of my arrival, of course, but not before telling his banker in London where he was going. During the night of the ball Eshton, Franklin and myself all took turns speaking with him, trying to verify information on this mans whereabouts. It wasn't until I remembered that very strong rum that Franklin gave us all that we made any headway with him. He told us that the man was going by a different name now, and would shortly be on his way to the continent without his wife and children. We set to finding him, working out where he could be and from which places he could be departing- that is what we did shut up in Franklin's office for the past few days. Last evening we realised he was leaving on a ship for Spain in the morning, and that if we delayed further we would never reach him in time. With his general description in mind, and an understanding of what his new name may be, we departed".
Jane kept her face even, listening intently to what he said. When she did not interrupt, he continued.
"Well, to make a long story short, we found him as he was getting onto the ship. We faked some incident with his luggage in order to draw him back from the crowd and then we were able to get him isolated enough to-"
"Dear god" Jane said, her hand flying to her mouth in horror.
"No, no, we did nothing like that! No, he was tied up, and left with the sergeant in his nearby office. His crimes were relayed, and the speed of his departure from England only added to our credibility. We left shortly after being told when his trial would be, and where".
Jane pushed herself off the bed and stood facing the wall, her hand up to her mouth in thought.
"Edward Rochester, how could you?"
"What?"
"How could you? How could you do that to me, to us- to your son. What you did was extremely dangerous. Who knows what could have happened? You would have left me here, all alone, without you and I could not bare that. Your son would have had no father, and the worst of it is I would not have even been able to tell him what happened to you, because you did not tell me where you were going and I never could have known. You broke my trust, you lied to me-"
"I had to lie!" he objected, "I had to lie to you, Jane. For you never would have let me go, and I needed to go".
"Do you think I would have been wrong for objecting?"
"Do you think I wished to be away from you? From Henry? Do you think I wished to ride through a rainy night on a dark road to confront the man who attacked Mary? Do you think that I would not have realised the consequences of lying to my wife, and how it would break my heart to do so? Mary has no husband to protect her as you have me, and if that had been you- I cannot say what I would have done to that man. I lied in order for that man to be held accountable for what he did- so that Mary can have closure, and that she can have her name publicly cleared. So long as she is miserable, I know you will be upset too, and I could not have that. That is why I needed to lie to you".
"You did not need to lie to me. Don't you know that? I trust you, if you told me the truth I would have trusted you. You frightened me, Edward".
"I did not mean to frighten you. Forgive me, please. I should not have gone".
Jane shook her head, closing her eyes. She stepped towards her husband and took one hand in hers, trying to stifle the emotion rising to her face. He took her hand in both of his as she wiped a singular tear from her eye.
"It is not that you went. What person would not be grateful for what you did. I should be thanking you, because I am grateful. It is only that you did not confide in me, and that is something that I am not used to between us. I did not know where you were and that prospect terrified me, because for you to have been gone without a word in the middle of the night...I assumed the worst-".
"It was wrong of me, I know. I should have appealed to your better nature, I should not have betrayed your trust. Nothing is more important than your faith in me. I am sorry, my love, I am so sorry".
"I am not asking for you to apologise, Edward. I only ask you never to do that to me again"
"It is my promise to you, from this moment on".
Jane took a step closer to him so that he could wrap his arms around her and hold her close. He planted a kiss on her stomach and then pressed his forehead to her.
"I am sorry too"
He lifted his head, looking confused and a little upset. When he spoke his voice was firm.
"You have nothing to apologise for".
"But I am sorry if you think that I do not trust you. For I do, and to say I don't could not be further from the truth".
"I know that" he said.
"Why?"
"Because I did nothing to maintain your trust in keeping my plans from you, but you listened to me regardless without interruption, and trusted what I told you was the truth without questing me".
"Still, I was frustrated at you for something you did that was exceptionally kind, something you did not have to do...I still kind of am mad, in truth"
He smiled guiltily, "Do not be foolish Jane, I would not expect you to forget this the moment you forgave me".
"I am not being foolish. In spite of you wishing to always paint yourself as a villain, not many people would do what you did, of that I am certain. I cannot imagine Franklin, as good as he is, doing such for his sister in law if you did not proposition it in the first place".
"I cannot say, but it is my obligation. My birth family was the worst it can be, Jane. I do not wish to repeat that with my own family now knowing what it does to people and relationships".
"I know that".
Jane bent down to kiss the top of his head before he stood, releasing her hand slowly.
"Back to bed for you, then?"
"And what about you?"
"Well, technically I have been on a sofa, so I cannot go back to bed"
"And why would you be returning there now!?" Jane asked, gripping his hand tightly again.
Jane was suddenly very unimpressed that her husband had slept on the couch. The look on her face when she looked back at Edward's undisturbed side of the bed made him laugh.
"Why were you on a sofa instead of in here with me? You have already spent a night away from me, and I did not give you permission to stay away another".
He nodded, leaning in to kiss her sweetly. He pecked her lips, but she did not break her unimpressed stare as he did so.
"To be very honest, sweetheart, I have no desire to be more than an arms length away from you tonight. So, I am going to go and check on Henry once more, and then I shall return".
. . .
True to his word, Edward returned in record time. He closed the door a little loudly in his haste and, shedding at his clothing, climbed into bed beside Jane.
"That is much better" he said as Jane moved into his embrace.
"Yes it is" she said harshly. "Edward Rochester, you amaze me. Sleeping on a couch- why on earth would you do that? Since when have I become the type of wife who throws her husband from the bed and banishes him to find sleep outside of the room?"
"Never" he laughed, "But I thought you may appreciate some space, if only for tonight".
"Well I do not".
Silence fell between them, and Jane became lost in her own thoughts to answer the question her husband asked her.
"Jane? Jane, darling, what's wrong?"
She turned onto her back to look up thoughtfully into the face of her husband. He gave her a curious look and moved a strand of hair out of her face.
"I miss being home"
"I do too"
"And I do not wish to sound ungrateful for all the time we have spent here, but I do miss it now".
"Its not being ungrateful, Jane, to miss the things that define your life as yours. Besides, I know you are itching for something to do, some task to be helpful with"
"Its true" she said, putting her arm on her forehead, "And the fact that everything here is so traditional and formal. I don't really feel like I can relax here. The flurry of servants everywhere you turn, the sense of immediacy around the house for order and propriety. There is a drinks Butler here who is only in charge of drinks! I just do not feel like I am the sort of person who should be visiting this house, as foolish as that is seeing as it is our family here".
Edward chuckled, "Thank goodness, Jane, you have not changed from the poor, plain, obscure and little person I fell in love with all that time ago. I do not know what I would have done if I lost that person to someone who appreciated this kind of house".
Jane smiled, "I cannot help it. I do not think I should ever be comfortable addressing the drinks Butler for my choice of fine wine. I would not even know what fine wine is"
Edward grinned, "I suppose you would not. Well, we only have a formal dinner tomorrow night with some of Franklin's family, or some of the neighbourhood, I cannot remember. And then it is home for us".
Jane nodded, closing her eyes.
"Guess what that means?"
"Hm?"
"It means we can resume our normal schedule of-"
"Edward" Jane scolded, her eyes flashing opened to see her husbands wide grin above her.
"What? Am I not allowed to be excited to have my wife back to myself back in our own bed?"
"You do have me to yourself"
"Right, but I mean I can have you to myself."
Jane rolled her eyes, although in truth she somewhat agreed with him. They had been here almost three weeks now, and they had only been with each other twice. She articulated this to her husband with amusement only to have him shake his head.
"A man can only take so much, Jane"
"Indeed, but this man is not deprived. That I know"
"Not normally, but twice in three weeks, especially one where someone knocked on the door right in the middle of the act..."
"But as you always tell me, Edward, the anticipation makes it all the better when it does come"
"Hm" he huffed, "Do not use my words against me. Perhaps a few minutes of waiting, not a few weeks".
Jane reached up and pulled his mouth towards hers with intent. She ran her fingers through his thick curly hair before breaking the kiss to lie back down again.
"I love you regardless, very much"
He smiled one of his warm, private smiles that he only shone on the rarest person in the rarest moments.
"Do not pretend that you do not know how much I love you".
She smiled, dropping her hand from his hair.
. . . . . . . . .
"Do you think that the others will be forgiven this morning?"
"I highly doubt it" Jane replied
They had arrived down at breakfast to find that despite the announcement made over half an hour ago, neither the Eshton's or Franklin's were down to the table. The kitchen staff had come up to ask if the Rochester's wished to eat, but they said that they would wait until the others arrived. But a long time had since passed and there had been no activity.
"It will be a long time before Anne will let this one go" Jane guessed, "She was not impressed with his secrecy".
"I dare say she was not".
"And Diana blames the Captain for being a ringleader, and for getting both you and Eshton in trouble".
"That hardly seems fair, given that we all were willing participants"
"Yes, well, apart from that she is still angry at him for the lies".
"Mhm"
Henry began fussing in his bassinet beside them and Edward stood to sweep him into his arms.
"There is much to discuss of this man you confronted yesterday" Jane began, "And Mary does not yet know"
"Later I will tell you" Edward promised, "I will tell you everything you wish to know. But Franklin and Eshton agreed not to tell their wives details of the encounter, and I would not risk being heard by either Anne or Diana and upsetting them"
"I think you are right" Jane agreed, "So I shall be patient".
Edward smiled appreciatively at his wife. Henry continued to fuss, the gentle rocking of his father doing nothing to ease or soothe him.
"Was it truly a bad day with him yesterday?"
Jane nodded,
"The worst in a long time".
He shook his head,
"I'm sorry again, darling"
"It is alright. You shall just have the night watch with him for the next, I do not know...month?"
"I will take it, if that is to be my penalty"
"Do not be foolish, for then I would have a cross baby and a cross husband to contend with".
Edward laughed, kissing Jane's hand.
At that moment there was the sound of footsteps in the hall and a second later Captain Franklin rounded the corner into the dining room, adjusting his cuff as he walked.
"Good morning Mr Rochester, Ms Rochester"
"Good morning" they said in unison, looking to Franklin as he sat down across from them.
"I hope you slept well last night, Jane. I was told by Diana that yesterday was a difficult day for you with Henry being rather upset"
He was genuinely empathetic, and Jane felt his honesty came from a place of slight guilt.
"Thank you" she said, "I slept well. Henry has had many good days lately, so I will take a bad one from time to time".
Franklin smiled a slight smile laced with a little sadness.
"Well I am glad you can have such an outlook. It is better than my wife's at the moment"
"And mine" Eshton said, entering the room, "Though I missed what you said, I have a feeling that it relates to my Anne too. Tell us, Jane, what we can do to earn our wives forgiveness?"
"Perhaps we should be asking Edward" Franklin said, "For it seems as if he has already earned your forgiveness".
"Do not be so daft" Edward said, "If you have to ask my wife how to resolve things with your own wives, well, there you have the problem".
"Your wives are eager to forgive you, but they need to feel listened to, and their feelings must be acknowledged".
"What we did, it wasn't wrong, Jane" Eshton argued, "We did it for Mary's sake, and we did it with good intentions. I did not imagine for a moment it would cause such a stir at home".
"Then imagine it from our perspectives" Jane encouraged, "We all woke to find our husbands had departed in the middle of the night without a word. Then we could only sit around the house the following day, consumed by our own thoughts of fear for you. I was not mad at Edward because of what he had left to do. I was mad because he did not tell me where he was, and because I love him very much I was very frightened for him. You put your wives through much anxiety yesterday, and that was unfair".
They both looked down at their plates, twisting their faces into pained comprehension.
"For goodness sake" Edward said, "Be men and go apologise to your wives so that you can bring them down to breakfast"
Eshton departed first without a word, and after a brief thank you, Franklin too was gone.
. . .
Early that afternoon, Jane found herself and her husband in an upstairs reading room with Henry awaiting the announcement of lunch. They were both sitting on a couch, Jane's feet tucked under her as she learned on her husband. Edward held Henry in arms, rocking him gently to keep him from waking up. Neither Franklin nor Eshton had returned to breakfast with their wives, but when Jane ran into the girls later in the morning, she was told they had decided to forgive them for their act of deceit, especially in light of how it helped Mary. She was just telling her husband this turn of events when he turned to her, looking confused.
"But they did not appear to be newly forgiven men" Rochester pointed out, "They seemed rather cross, actually".
"Do you think it is because their pride was hurt too much?"
"No. Franklin perhaps is a little prideful at times but Eshton never is. Such a thing would not leave him with wounded pride".
"Then, I have a feeling that in spite of telling their husbands they were forgiven, Anne and Diana did not feel that way"
"But why then would you say they are?" Edward asked, "It seems rather pointless to tell someone they are forgiven if they are not. Then ones is walking around with a false sense of ease, and there is only tension and passive aggressiveness when next those people meet. I understand if Diana and Anne wish to make their husbands work for the apology, but granting one when it is not true seems counterproductive".
"I think this is about more than just this incident"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, both women were frustrated with their husbands and with their marriages before this all took place. I am sure that this only did more to aggravate them, in truth"
"How so?"
It was true that Diana, Mary and Anne often confided things in Jane that they did not tell anyone else. Although it had never been said officially, Jane understood that what she was told was always said in confidence and so she never spoke about it with anyone else. Well, apart from her husband. There were no secrets between Jane and Edward. It had always been that way from the moment they meet. Even when Jane was just his governess she did not feel like there was a question she should not ask him, nor an answer he gave that was not true. Jane was forced to recognise that the one very large lie he had told her was very wrong, but also was to protect himself, and to ensure that he was not denied love forever in his life. But their marriage life was built on honesty, and she did not feel that conveying her friends troubles to him was a betrayal to them. Edward cared for them all, and cared very little for other people's personal matters. He was no foolish gossip. He cared only about helping, and easing his wife's mind when she was consumed by her friend's troubles.
"Diana does not think that she can conceive a child. They have been trying from the moment they were married"
"But that has not been long. They were married in early May, it is now only late August. That is only four months"
"I know, but she frequently reminds me that I conceived the first time after two months, and many other people she knows conceived even before that"
"Most likely because it happened before the wedding"
Jane sent her husband a knowing look. He smiled.
"I know. In fairness Jane, we often have the opportunity to conceive a child, for we are together often. Franklin made a strange comment when we first arrived that it did not matter when he arrived upstairs for bed, because he would not wake his wife either way. That gave me the impression that they do not sleep together"
Jane nodded, "I believe he took up sleeping in a different room"
"Hm" Edward said, looking puzzled "Why? After four months of marriage why would you need separate rooms?"
"I believe Diana often complained about his late nights, and he thought it easier to simply not worry about waking her at all"
"I am sure that left her feeling wanted indeed" Rochester said sarcastically.
"Well, the other thing is that Diana is very shy with her own feelings. She will not speak to her husband regarding lovemaking, and she certainly would never try and initiate it".
"Does she find it unpleasant, Jane?"
"I cannot say for sure, but she told me that all she wanted was to conceive a child, and then she would not have to keep trying".
He shook his head.
"I hate to think there are people in the world who do not share what we share, Jane. Men are taught from such a young age that they should be sexual creatures and that this is a sign of masculinity. How many women and wives are petrified by their husbands brutality in the first days of marriage. How many men do not care how little women are taught and know of sex"
Jane squeezed the hand that rested casually in hers.
"I am also sure that the pressure of having a child is very hard on her, and that it cannot be conducive to conceiving either".
Edward shook his head, "No, it cannot be"
"I am very lucky to have you, I know that. I know how much you put me first, how much you have always put me first. I cannot imagine a marriage where one does not feel equal to their spouse. In my case, I am treated better than you treat yourself".
Jane was drawn nearer to her husband and his lips brushed against her temple. She learned closer into his embrace, the embrace that had been made to fit her perfectly.
"You, Jane Rochester, would never allow that to happen. You would never allow me to give up too much of myself for you".
Jane smiled, raising her head. She felt a soft kiss planted above her eye on her forehead.
"The fact of the matter is that most marriages are not a are not equal. I imagine that it is very hard to share your innermost feelings when that is the case, even when it is Franklin who I know loves his wife very much".
Jane nodded,
"I know he loves her, and she loves him too. But she is also very aware that he is the head of her house and because of that they will never be able to share their feelings openly".
"And what of Anne? Why is she mad at Eshton?"
"A few reasons, I think. Firstly, because she too is unable to have a child. Where she can conceive children easily, she has trouble carrying the babies to full term".
"I am very sorry to hear that" Edward said, "That must be very hard on both of them".
"Eshton does not know about any other ones besides the first baby she lost. Anne chooses to keep them to herself, so she does not disappoint her husband".
Edward raised his head and nodded seriously, "I see"
"And apart from that, Anne often feels that Eshton ignores her during social events when he goes as Magistrate. She says that she spends most of the night standing by his side daydreaming, wishing for the thing to be over. I am sure this has been very disappointing to her because half the reason she encouraged him to take on the role in the first place was so that she could be seen with him at plays and assembles".
"Of course, for what other benefit would such a thing have for Anne?"
"I know"
"Why does she simply not tell him such? Tell him that he is being a-"
"Edward"
"Sorry- being ungentlemanly to her?"
Jane shifted her position so that she was facing her husband, her legs hung comfortably over his.
"You know, if I had married St John Rivers, I would have been the same quiet, unimposing, unobtrusive wife".
"No you wouldn't have Jane, you are far too strong for that kind of docile domesticity".
"I was only strong then because I had seen at Thornfield Hall with you that love could mean a very different thing from polite order and respect. When he asked me to marry him, to go with him to India, I almost said yes because I believed that my prospects in England had died with my inability to marry you. I thought a missionary trip to India could at least make me a useful person to someone else. But, more than I like to admit, it was because in ways I was intimidated by St John, and I did not want to disappoint him. Though he was a good man he was a direct and demanding one too. To make him mad as I did was deeply upsetting, though his anger was all quiet and intentional isolation, and it was easier to appease him than challenge him. I had a very brief and uncomfortable taste at what that type of marriage would be like, and it would have meant sacrificing my own voice. Franklin and Eshton are not like St John, but all the same, both Anne and Diana have been taught from birth to respect their husbands as their providers and the heads of their respective houses. Having that mindset, and being told it is the only way to achieve a happy household, is something deeply ingrained in women. It is hard to act against it, even when you love your husband very much".
Edward looked at the floor, and then back at Jane.
"I could have lived Jane, knowing you married another man out of love, if such made you happy. But I never could have forgiven myself if you had married that man and became miserable- a shrinking shadow of your former self. I would have suffered every day until I died".
"Do not think of such things" Jane said, taking his hand in hers. She brought it to her lips and pressed that hand to her cheek. "Luckily for you, you need not suffer at all"
"No" he said softly, kissing his wife's cheek affectionately. "But you may"
Jane looked him, her eyebrow raised.
"Remember how I told you when we first arrived that the party gathered here wished to have a celebration for your birthday before you leave?"
Jane did not respond, she only looked at Edward flatly.
"Well, the day has arrived. But, in truth, I think you may enjoy yourself"
"What makes you say that?"
"Because I was the one who arranged the surprise"
"What is it?"
"The better question is, who is it. Come, let us go downstairs. They should be here shortly and you will want to be there to meet them".