"-Ms Rochester?"
"-Madam"
"-Miss"
Jane tried to looked in three directions at once, attempting to see who was calling out to her. Leah, Penny, and James were all advancing towards her down the long hallway.
"I'm sorry. I am not sure which of you spoke to me first"
"It doesn't matter Ms Rochester" Leah said, "I only wished to inform you that Henry is now awake"
"Oh, thank you" Jane nodded, "I shall go to him after I am done speaking with these two"
"Very well"
"And Madam, I was only meant to inform you that one of the horses was lost a shoe and a replacement is needed"
"Thank you James, I will take care of it this afternoon"
"Madam" he replied, bowing before walking away.
Penny stood before Jane, a little more hesitant.
"Miss, unfortunately there was an accident in one of the spare bedrooms in the west wing of the house"
"Oh my goodness, is everyone alright?"
"Oh yes miss, it is just that when the fireplace was being cleaned in that room the ash pan was dropped on the carpet. The maids are trying their best to clean it now, but it is not lifting very well. Perhaps if we leave something on it overnight it may help, but I thought it was best you were informed of the incident".
"Well thank you for telling me, Penny"
"-Miss, I am so sorry. It was me and I do not know how it happened. I am so ashamed of myself-"
"Penny, please, do not be upset. Accidents happen, and that is all they are, accidents".
"And you are not cross with me?"
"No, of course not. It is only a carpet. It can be replaced".
"Okay" she said with great relief, "Thank you Miss"
Jane put her hand on her shoulder and nodded,
"Of course. But now, I must go and see how my son is. Hopefully he is feeling nice and happy after his nap. Please keep me informed on how the maids make out with trying to remove it".
"Yes miss, of course miss"
An hour later, Jane was sitting in Edward's office with Henry in her lap, trying to send an order into town for new horseshoes and some food items for the kitchen. He squealed happily and Jane smiled, bouncing him.
"What is it? Are you happy?"
Henry gushed with incoherent noises as Jane kissed his cheek.
"Why are you so sweet?"
She sighed the bottom of the letter and sealed it before bringing it out to John. One of the boys was called up from the stables and sent into town with it so that Jane could return upstairs and feed her son. She sat with him for quite some time, rocking him gently after she fed him until he lulled himself into an easy sleep. After she spent a ridiculous amount of time lowering him into the crib, Jane kissed Henry on the top of the head and tucked him into his blankets. As soon as she had closed the door noiselessly behind her, she began running ideas through her mind of things she could do in her few free minutes. This wonderful train of thought was quickly interrupted, however, when she heard her name behind her.
"Ms Rochester, there has been an incident in the kitchen"
"I'm coming"
Another few steps and
"-Ms Rochester, forgive me but your husband is looking for you"
"Thank you, John" Jane replied, taking a quick detour into her bedroom.
She opened the door and looked inside to find Edward sitting up in bed, looking miserable.
"There you are, I have been looking for-"
"Edward, darling, I love you very, very much but I am also very, very busy"
"Can I help?"
"No, you are resting"
"I would rather be helping"
"Well, I forbid it. So unless there is anything pressing, I must go"
Edward sighed,
"No, there is nothing pressing"
"Okay"
She moved towards him quickly, kissing the top of his head briefly before turning around again.
"I love you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry"
And with that, she was gone again.
. . . .
In the following days, Edward's cold finally ended. When the surgeon had left having cleared him of his illness, Edward got out of bed, dressed, kissed his wife enthusiastically, and went to see his son where he stayed for the remainder of the day.
For a little while, Jane took advantage of her son being cared for and went for a walk to get some fresh air. She was tired, more so than she had realised she was was running the house and caring for Henry alone. But after walking to the edge of the property so that the house was merely a shadow in the distance of the setting sun, Jane had no desire but to be with her husband and son and subsequently ran back to the house to be with them.
"How was your walk?" Edward asked as Jane sat down beside him. She tucked her leg under herself as he kissed her cheek.
"It was really nice"
"I'm glad".
"How has Henry been?"
"Fussy. But I do not care".
Jane smiled, putting her arm around her husband.
"Do you think he has grown since I have been ill?" he asked, surveying his son in order to answer his own question.
"Perhaps. He seems to grow everyday".
"Hm" he said thoughtfully, "That is time I can never have back with him"
"In the same way that the walk I just took is time I have lost with him. I do not think it is time lost, just time apart".
"You are right, I know that. But I have never had family I loved enough to worry about time lost, or time apart. And with you, Jane, I do not worry because you are so consistent, and so true. You are a part of me, and I can never be separated from myself so I am never separated from you. But Henry changes every day, almost every moment. I do not want to miss anything".
Jane rubbed his shoulder affectionately,
"Do not worry, love. You will not miss anything. You will not be the father to your son that yours was to you. Edward Fairfax Rochester is far too good, and far too loving for that".
Edward smiled to himself and turned to kiss his wife's forehead.
"You are not supposed to see through me like that".
"I think we are a little too far gone for that"
He laughed to himself, "Perhaps. Are you as hungry as myself?"
"Quite possibly"
"Well then, shall we put this little one in his crib and then go down for dinner?"
"Yes, sounds like a very good idea"
. . .
Several hours later Jane found herself dressing for bed thoughtlessly, barely aware of her actions as she did so. The day had been long, and in finally recognising that she was no longer solely responsible for Henry and their home, Jane's body had finally seemed to submit to the desperate need for sleep.
After finishing getting ready, Jane crawled into bed and pulled the sheets over herself. She had a fleeting thought of trying to stay awake long enough to say goodnight to her husband, but these thoughts were quickly muffled by tempting waves of sleep. Sighing, Jane sat up and pushed her legs over the side of the bed before standing up. When the bedroom door reopened a few minutes later, she had moved to the window to look out over the dark gardens.
"Hello" Edward said, throwing his cravat on his chair by the fire and unbuttoning his waistcoat. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to stay awake"
"Why?"
"Well, I wanted to make sure I said goodnight to you but if I stayed in bed I would have most definitely been asleep by now"
Edward looked over at his wife. He dropped his hands and walked over to her, taking her in his arms and kissing her forehead as he ran his fingers through her hair slowly.
"That was very sweet of you".
"It is selfish, really. I do not want to lose another moment with you now that you are well".
"I like you when you are selfish".
She grinned,
"Of course you would"
He walked her over to the bed and peeled back the blankets so she would climb in.
"And now you must be selfish again. Sleep, my love. I do not think I am coming to bed yet"
"No? Why?"
"Because, although you did a wonderful job taking care of everyone in this household while I couldn't, I still must see to several things"
"Which things?"
"Well, the horse shoe order was sent back this afternoon"
"Was it really? I'm sorry, I checked with the stable boys to ensure I stated the information correctly on the sheet-"
"It was nothing you did, Jane. They sent it back addressed to me asking if I did indeed want to order the horseshoes"
"Oh, I see" Jane said, "They saw my name and needed to see yours instead"
"Exactly"
"I forget that the rest of this world is not like you"
Edward shook his head, stroking his wife's hair affectionately.
"At least not blacksmiths who make horseshoes".
Jane nodded,
"Well then, do not stay up too late. You should still be resting as much as possible still"
"I know, I will not. But I am going to take my work from my office into Henry's nursery so that if he begins to cry I can attend to him. If you hear him crying, do not get out of bed".
"Okay" she said, softly. Knowing that objecting to him would be pointless.
He kissed her forehead softly, but gave up on this and instead kissed her lips. It was slow at first, and then deeper with Edward digging his firsts into the bed on either side of his wife. Jane raised one hand to the back of his neck and drew him closer to her. The kiss left her lightheaded and unsatisfied but it was enough, and she fell asleep with only thoughts of love on her mind.
. . .
The next morning, the Rochester's woke suddenly to the sound of a large crash outside their bedroom door. Jane sat bolt upright while Edward scrambled out of bed and pulled on his robe. He opened the bedroom door and Jane listened to a surprised exchange.
"Thomas, are you alright?"
"Yes sir, I think so. I've tripped"
"How?"
"Took too much in me arms, I think".
"Well be careful. There is no need to rush"
There was silence for a few seconds before there was another thud and another crashing clattering sound.
"Thomas, be careful with that! Lay some down and return for them, that is too much for one person to carry at once".
Edward shook his head to himself before closing the door behind him. Jane was stiffing her laughter behind the blankets but chuckled freely when her husband returned to bed.
"He just fell twice in the span of what- thirty seconds?"
"Was was he doing?"
"Walking with an obscene amount of fire pokers in his arms"
Jane laughed, tears streaming from her eyes in an effort for her to silence herself.
"Why was he walking with fire pokers at six o'clock in the morning?"
"I cannot possibly begin to answer that"
He got back into bed and pulled the blankets back around himself, turning on his side and pulling Jane into his embrace. She lay silently for a few minutes, but could not help herself from shaking with noiseless laughter, her fist up to her mouth.
"Jane, why are you laughing?" he asked sleepily.
"There was no need for what he was doing so early in the morning, and he made such a racket by dropping it right outside out room. It was just funny"
"Was it indeed?" he asked, kneeling above his wife and kissing the nook of her neck, "I do not understand you, woman".
Jane nodded,
"I can live with that".
Edward pulled back from his wife and looked at her.
"I love you"
"I know"
He kissed between her breasts slowly, repeating lowly
"I love you"
Jane drew his face up to hers and kissed him deeply. Edward groaned into the kiss, deepening it by pushing his wife back into the bed. He traced his fingers from her ankle up to her knee where he lifted her leg, parting her legs effortlessly. Edward manoeuvred Jane onto her side so that she was facing away from him. He kissed her neck sensually, his hot breath creating goose pimples all over her body. He sucked on the side of her neck, Jane stretching her neck so that he had easier access. After one particularly deep pull which made her whole spine tingle, Edward kissed the spot gently with his soft lips, lingering for a moment before pulling away. As he lay down beside his wife, he pulled the blankets down so that he had full access to her. He kissed down her back to relax her before he moved his hand between her legs.
"Part your legs for me, darling"
A moment later, Jane felt his hand touch her most intimate place and his thumb find her centre of feeling. She gasped in desperate pleasure. At first his circles were slow and promising, but as Jane's breath became more laboured, she wiggled against him to indicate that she wanted more pressure from him. He obliged her instantly so that she moaned deeply, pressing her opened mouth into the arm she rested on.
As Jane began to feel her lungs expand and her heart thump against her chest, Edward moved his other hand to her and inserted a finger inside of her. At the immediate increase in pressure within her, Jane grasped a bunch of the blankets in her fist and exhaled heavily, feeling a warm kiss on her jaw. In a perfectly synchronised movement, Edward pushed his thumb into her at the same time his finger grazed the particularly sensitive spot within her. Jane reeled, feeling a block of sensation hit her in one dizzying moment. She shook under his touch, which continued long after the wave of pleasure moved through her.
"Hm" Edward said proudly, kissing his wife's cheek as he withdrew his hand and placed it on her stomach.
"Thank you" Jane said quietly, closing her eyes and laying her head against his outstretched arm.
"You're welcome" he said, kissing her ear hungrily.
Jane turned onto her back to look up into her husband's face which was flushed and full of love. His hand traced Jane's cheek.
"Women were made for love. No man could ever hope to give more than a woman can"
"What do you mean?"
"Men are capable of shallow things which women are not. Men make love with their bodies, but women make love with their souls. There is no greater gift that one can give"
Jane put her hand on Edward's chest, drawing herself up to his lips for a kiss.
"Some men make love with their bodies, others love with far more".
Edward smoothed back her hair before planting another deep kiss on her lips.
"And how would you know that?"
"Well, I must admit that my experience is limited, but I know enough to recognise that you love me with more than just your body".
Before she could recognise what was happening, Jane was lifted into her husbands arms and pushed up against a wall. Smiling, she had her mouth enveloped by his passionate kisses as her last layer of garment fell away from her waist. He mounted himself before her and entered her in one long, slow movement. Jane shuttered in anticipation as Edward groaned into her skin. He thrust into her once, and Jane threw her head back against the wall. He thrust again, deeper this time, so that she dropped her head forward onto her husbands shoulder.
"Tell me you love me".
"I love you" Jane promised, crying out in overwhelming pleasure.
She felt his smile against her skin.
"Tell me again"
"Mm " Jane said, trying desperately hard to focus.
"Tell me"
He thrust into her again, seeming to reach the very deepest part of her.
"God I love you" she said breathlessly
Jane pulled herself deeper inside of him before feeling him tighten and release himself within her.
"Ah" she cried, feeling herself cave to the mounting sensation which overtook her in one powerful push.
As she was lowered from the wall, Jane kissed her husbands forehead lazily, her chest rising and falling dramatically.
. . .
Some time later, Jane lay besides her husband on their bed. The rain running down the window was reflected in the shadows and shades of light running down her husband's body.
"What is it?" he asked softly, Jane only noticing then that he was watching her.
"I didn't know that a person could know another body like their own before I married you" she explained,"It is difficult to put into words what it means that you trust me in the way that I trust you"
The arm Jane was lying on curled her up so that Edward could kiss her temple.
"Though I am well aware I am not an attractive man, Jane, you make me feel like the truth is contradictory to myself"
"You are such to me. Is that not enough?"
"It is more than enough" he confirmed, "And more than I deserve"
Jane shook her head, placing it on his shoulder.
"You know, I believe St John was once trying to explain to me about the responsibilities of relations within a marriage, but in my ignorance I did not understand him".
"He spoke to you about that?" Edward asked sounding surprised and angry,
"He told me that what couples share alone in the dark must be intentional, and sanctified by God".
"He would be the type to have relations in the dark, I suppose".
Jane looked disapprovingly at him,
"He should not have been sharing such things with you. Not when you were young and inexperienced".
"May I remind you that you were the one who was sharing the stories of your opera mistresses and global wanderings with your governess"
"That was different"
"How so?"
"Because, Jane, it was just different. Our relationship has always been different. You know that".
"Yes, I do. But your argument is still flawed".
"Either way, I was careful not to tell you anything when you were my governess that could have made you cynical of the world in the way I was. I loved you far too well to instil some sense of dread in you- you who was only on the brink of your life. I wanted you to see the world through all the good that was in it, and I knew you would likely never see the things I had. I wanted you to feel excited for the things ahead".
"You did do that. When you spoke of the bad in the world, I know that you shared it in a way which only pertained to yourself. You did make me excited for the world, and for all I had yet to discover".
"That is why when men like St John tell women of their responsibilities- hinting vaguely at wifely responsibilities of sex and obedience of which women can know very little, it must affect them deeply. It must make women feel inadequate, and uncertain. I do not think such is right. It is not fair that men are privy to more information, but if such is to be the case then I do not think it is fair for men to dangle that in front of women as a way of scaring them into doing what they are told is required of them".
"What do you mean"
"Well, imagine that we never meet and that you and St John Rivers met by chance. Under those circumstances you may have had more of a legitimate reason to marry him. You know nothing of what is required as a wife outside of what you are told you must be. Knowing you are naive, and intentionally kept from knowing what men know of sex and love, you would be forced to trust St John in whatever he told you was acceptable. You would never form your own opinions, never gain your own understanding of what you enjoy, or be able to intimate to him what you do not wish to do. To make any person feel like they do not have autonomy over their life is wrong. I could never be a husband knowing I have taken away my wife's ability to be her own person. But lots of men exploit exactly that feeling so that they are always in control. I think it is incredibly wrong".
"I know" Jane said, "I thought about that a lot in our first few days of marriage. I think of it more now, because I see examples of women who have less of an identity within their own marriage than they did outside of it. It's scary, Edward, to feel like you are not able to make your own choices. I felt that way for a moment when it looked like I would have no other option but to go to India. For a second I had a glimpse of what it was like to be with someone who made me feel incredibly alone, and it was such a strange feeling".
Edward slipped his warm hand between the blankets and rubbed his wife's back with affectionate ease.
"There was one night when I was sitting in Jamaica at a bar that stood at the mouth of the ocean. The room was packed with people- so many that you couldn't move without brushing against someone else. When you are young and unaffected by life, such is wonderful. But as a man who was married under law but in no way truly married, a man without friends due to a sullied reputation, it was incredibly lonely".
Jane paused before responding, a sadness moving over her.
"What did you do on nights like those?"
"I drank"
Jane lifted her head, looking up into her husbands face.
"I do not know who that man was, but I am sorry that you ever felt what he did".
Edward only shook his head, raising Jane's face by her chin so that he could kiss her sweetly.
"You have wiped every memory of who he was from my mind".
Jane kissed his side before turning over and looking at the pocket watch on the side table. It was now almost eight and Henry had not begun to cry.
"I should go and check on our son" she said, "He has been suspiciously quiet".
"Perhaps God has tempered his mercy on you" Edward suggested, "Seeing as you have been caring for others too much recently and have been severely lacking in sleep. Let me"
Before Jane could argue, he threw back the blankets and rose from bed, looking for his robe. Jane smiled at the image of masculinity before her. He left the room, closing the door behind him. Jane rose and pulled on her own robe, sure that her husband would be taking Henry back to the room with him. She walked over to the washstand and sat down, looking at her face in the mirror. Her appearance reflected how happy, fulfilled and pleased she felt. Still, she was surprised at how flushed she still was, for their lovemaking had ended some time ago. Her cheeks were red, and her hair stuck slightly to the sheen of sweat on her face. She dipped a cloth in the water before her and dampened it, running the cool water over her face. It was the most refreshing thing she had ever felt.
The door opened again and Edward had returned with their baby. He was still sleepy, and trying to wake up, and Jane moved towards them to see him.
"Good morning little one" she said, kissing his forehead.
Henry's eyes sparkled in recognition of his mother.
"How did you sleep last night? You were very quiet"
"My god Jane, you are still so flushed" Edward said, eyeing her carefully.
"I know, I thought the same thing. I must have been missing being with you more than I thought" she said. Edward smiled briefly at her, kissing her temple before looking at her again.
"Although I like the sounds of what you are suggesting, I do not think you are right. Do you feel alright?"
"Yes, well enough" she said, but at that moment she sneezed. Edward looked at her sceptically.
"Coincidence" she explained
"Mhm" Edward replied, unconvinced.