Hello everyone!
I hope everyone is doing well and having a wonderful New Year.
This is a pretty big chapter and took me a while to edit, so it took some time but I hope you like it!
Thank you, so much, as always for your amazing comments. They really inspire me to keep writing and to continue loving the amazing nook Charlotte Bronte wrote.
Lots of love, and more soon,
xoxo
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November passed away with the scenery changing almost impossibly slow from fall changing to winter. The last leaves fell from the trees lazily, the wind changed to brisk gusts and the ground hardened in preparation for snow. Fires were lit earlier in the nights, dresses became heavier, and walks for any period of time had become much more difficult. In watching the world from her bedroom window, Jane could tell that snow would soon be upon them, and that before they knew it, Christmas preparation was underway.
Edward was responsible for securing the house and staff for winter, and indeed this responsibility took up the vast majority of his time. As servants roles changed during the colder and snowier months, they relied on instruction for how to conduct themselves in their new positions. Luckily Edward was well versed in this and there was no trouble with the logistics of executing it, yet it caused him to be very busy. If he was not in the barn or in the servants quarters he was in town buy ing and accounting for the house's supplies. He began early in the morning and often Jane did not see him again until dinner when he returned to eat with her and Henry before he worked later into the night. While Edward was busy securing the house for winter, Jane occupied herself with seeing to the arrangements for when their guests arrival. She and her husband had decided that the guests should arrive around December 15th. That would give them a little less than two weeks before Christmas to relax and be at ease, but this also gave her a tight timeline in which to prepare. Upon examining the fireplaces in one of the guest bedrooms, it was found out that it required a repair. When Jane retreated from the room covered in soot and ash, a chimney sweep was called for. Similarly, in another room, the bed sheets had been worn out and new ones were ordered from town. Windows were cleaned and carpets were dusted and the whole Rochester house was a flurry of activity. When Christmas decorations were brought into the house, Jane truly began to feel excited for the holidays. Beautiful green boughs were strung all along the banisters of the stairs, tables, and doorways while Christmas plants and flowers covered the house from head to foot. Candles were laid in the windows, fireplaces were decorated with ornaments and ribbon and everything looked so wonderful.
In between all of this action was Henry, who was changing as much as the summer days had in order to make way for winter. At eight months old he was stronger and larger than ever. As a result, he had become more mobile, wanting to be on the floor and rolling around at every opportunity. Jane was quite contented to watch him explore his world for hours, grinning up at her as he shook around his rattle- although this rattle was rather heavy and so this mostly involved him dropping it on the ground continually as Jane handed it back to him.
It was on one afternoon, a particularly cold one, that Jane sat in front of the fire in their bedroom doing exactly this with her son. She worried he would not be warm enough before the rest of the house had warmed up, so she wrote down all of her guests food arrangements for the kitchen while Henry rolled around on a blanket.
"Hello" Jane said, looking up at him over her paper and grinning at her son, "What is it!"
He rolled onto his back and Jane rubbed his stomach.
"Do not look at me in such a sweet way"
But with an excited giggle from his little face, Jane bent down and kissed him. He babbled happily, and Jane smiled. Laying her paper and pen on the ground, she picked up her son and held him close to her, resting his face against her shoulder. As he continued to babble there was a knock at the door and Leah stepped inside.
"Hello Ms"
"Good morning Leah, how are you?"
"Oh, good ma'am. I came to review the Christmas arrangements for Ms Rivers with you"
"Oh please sit Leah" Jane said, indicating the armchair before her, "I will join you".
Jane stood somewhat awkwardly from the floor with Henry in her arms and sat in what was normally her husbands armchair. Sitting in the opposite chair after some hesitation, Leah laid her hands before her.
"Thank you, ma'am. You mentioned that Ms Rivers would be coming with Captain Franklin and his wife and that her son young Mr Rivers will be coming. Is there anything in particular you wish for me to obtain for him?"
"That is very thoughtful of you. I think that when she arrives I will ask her, for I am not sure what progressions with food have been made with him since I last saw him. Thank you for your forethought, I should have sent a letter to her before. It will not get there now in time".
"That is all very well, miss. It is no problem to reassess when she arrives"
"Thank you. And I heard that the new bed sheets arrived this morning?"
"Yes, Ms. They are being put on the bed as we speak"
"That is a relief"
"I know" said Leah disapprovingly, "I was not happy when the store said they arrived and they had not"
"Well, now that they are here I think we can forgive them?"
"Hm" said Leah disapprovingly, "We shall see".
Grinning to herself, Jane nodded.
"Please do be honest with me. Do you have enough help, Leah? Do you need any more staff brought in from the inn for the holidays?"
"No, thank you ma'am. We have all we need right here. The girls have been working very hard, and everything is running very smoothly. I am very happy with their progress"
"That's wonderful. I just do not want you or the household feeling overwhelmed with the amount of people arriving"
"It is no problem, especially since your house guests are always so agreeable".
At that moment there was a sharp wham as the window opened and slammed against the wall. Jane went to get it but Leah stood instead, latching it shut.
"I will not keep you long madam, I only wanted to check such with you"
"Thank you for everything. I really do appreciate it".
"Oh course miss" she said, bowing before taking leave of the room.
Jane got back on the floor with Henry and resumed her list of items for the kitchen. She took note that her husband loved just about any type of food but especially loved puddings for Christmas. Mr Eshton did not like raisins, though Anne had told Jane if no one told him they were in a dish he would never notice. Diana was not fond of tarts but she was especially fond of custard, which was always prepared for meals. She marked these details on her paper with some attention, not seeing her son begin to pull his way across the carpet. When she looked over her paper and did not see him her heart flooded with panic for an instant before seeing him crawling away.
She ran as fast as she could to the door and wrenched it opened, looking for a servant. One of the young men William was in the hall.
"William, where is Mr Rochester?"
"He is in the barn, I believe madam"
"Run and fetch him quickly. Tell him to hurry!"
William nodded and ran down the hallway as Jane turned back to her son. She walked over to him and knelt before him.
"Yes, Henry! Good job! Well done! Come to mommy"
Henry's dark eyes glinted with pride as he became tired and collapsed onto his stomach. Jane picked him up and put him on his knees again.
"There you go my darling. Try again".
Within another few minutes the door banged opened violently as Edward ran into the room.
"Jane what is it!" he said, desperation and panic written all over his face.
"Come here" she said, "I did not want you to miss this moment".
Confused, Edward moved beside her, kneeling down before his son.
In seeing his father, Henry seemed to gain fresh inspiration and began crawling towards him slowly and awkwardly- but he was none the less crawling. Excitement and pride as Jane had never seen moved across her husband as his face stretched into a wide grin. When Henry was an arms length away Edward scooped him up into his arms and kissed his cheek.
"That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen" he said, glancing to Jane, "That was remarkable".
Jane put her hand on her husbands back and looked down at her son.
"How did he start?"
"I do not know! I was writing up a kitchen list and when I looked up over the paper he had crawled away to the edge of the carpet"
"My goodness, did you?" Edward asked his son, bouncing him in his arms. Jane put her chin on Edward's shoulder.
"He is growing up too fast".
"Shh Jane, love. I am stopping this train of thought before it leaves the station".
"I just cannot imagine him growing up"
"Well seeing as he grows the same amount every single day, I think you should learn to appreciate the growing rather than worrying about it".
Jane lowered her hand from his back and walked over to the bed. She looked over at her family, the feelings of love forcing every other from her mind. When Edward realised she was no longer beside him, he turned on his wife and looked meaningfully at her.
"I am sorry if I dismissed your feelings" he said genuinely, "That was unkind"
"No" Jane smiled weakly, "No, it is not that. It is only that time seems to be moving very fast for us"
"What do you mean?" Edward asked sitting down beside her.
"I meet you three years ago in December at Thornfield Hall. Then, you were my brooding, honest, somewhat difficult master. I came and sat in your parlour at night and you asked me things of myself no other human being had ever cared enough to ask. Then you were my friend, and then you became the person I would love until the end of my days. We talked constantly, you became my sole confidante and when we were not together I thought of you often and wished that every second we were apart that we were together. And then I was separated from you for a year and my heart was broken. And then we married, and you changed my whole understanding of the world because of the way you loved me. We conceived a child and now are parents. Life has happened so quickly to us and I do not want to miss a single moment of it".
Edward handed Henry to Jane and crouched down before her, looking up piercingly into her eyes.
"And three years ago I meet this quiet, passionate, independent, intelligent governess who became the whole of my life. The whole of my very soul. Time moves on, Jane, so that it can make way for new things. A lot has happened to us, but I need time to move on with you so that I can wake up to you every morning, so that I can have another child with you, so that I can watch your hair turn grey and love you every ounce the same. Time passing cannot be so bad if it allows for such things".
Jane touched her husbands face, caressing it with her thumb.
"Mmm"
He drew her face to his and kissed her lips gently.
"Why is it that you can dissolve my greatest fears with just the sound of your voice?"
He smiled, the slightest pride filling his look.
"It is my job as your husband"
"And I suppose my job as your wife is to tell you such foolish things that cross my mind" she said, shaking her head.
"Besides giving me a reason for existing, yes" he said.
He looked at her for a moment before kissing her leg and sitting beside her.
"Not even you, my love, in all your infinite power could stop time. But I shall be grateful for any moment I have with you seeing as I am undeserving of it".
Jane looked at him, stopping herself multiple times from scolding him or telling him that he was wrong. Instead she sighed.
"Jane?"
"Yes Edward"
"I am going to go and put Henry down for his nap now, but I am going to ask for something in return"
"What is that?" she asked, sceptically.
"When I come back, can you be laying on the bed with-"
"No"
"Jane" he said quickly, "You do not even know what I was going to say".
"I know exactly what you were going to say which is why the answer is no".
Jane stood with her son and bent down to kiss her husband deeply. She pulled back from the kiss leaving him suspended expectantly in the air. He looked at her dimly.
"You kissed me that way on purpose"
"I do not know what you speak of"
"To taunt me"
Jane pressed her lips to his forehead and he smiled, defeated.
"Come here" he said, pulling her back to his mouth- but she only pecked his mouth quickly.
"I have a child to put down for a nap!"
"No, I will still do that" he said standing and taking his son from Jane, "We need some alone time"
She watched them leave before grinning happily to herself.
. . .
Jane and Edward were able to spend their whole dinnertime together on account of Henry being tired and staying asleep for quite some time. They talked, as they always did, about many things while eating but Jane became more and more distracted from the conversation the more she concentrated on her husband.
The soft candlelight, the food, the sound of his voice all made Jane feel incredibly at ease. Occasionally the candle would flicker over his face, or catch a glint in his eye, or capture his smile at the right moment so that Jane was stopped momentarily by the feeling of how truly lucky she was. How she could have gotten married to someone who was not only respectful and loving, but also her best friend still astounded her at times. How easy she was with him, how at peace. How much she would have willingly looked into his eyes for the rest of her life and never looked away.
"Anyways" he continued, Jane not comprehending what he had said, "What do you think?"
"About what?"
"About what I just said- about Lady Denver"
"I'm sorry, could you repeat it? I was not listening to you".
He rolled his eyes, smiling to himself.
"I said that she is leaving her house for the holidays and not returning until spring"
"Why?"
"That is what I was asking you. I do not know, and they did not say in town why either. I thought you may have heard from her"
"I have not spoken with her since I went to have tea at her house. She did not say anything at the time about it, though"
"I wonder if it is to take the waters at Bath"
"As in she is sick?"
"I do not know. She seemed in well enough health when I saw her last but it is hard to tell with people who are continually dissatisfied".
Jane ate her last bit of supper.
"I do not think she is continually dissatisfied. I am sure that she likes you quite a lot"
Edward raised his eyebrow at her sceptically.
"Well, perhaps she does not like you that much, but she respects you and that is far more important than being liked".
Edward laid down his napkin and sipped his wine slowly.
"I suppose you're right. Especially seeing as that woman has never liked a person a day in her life".
"She liked her husband until he stopped loving her"
Edward laid down his drink and surveyed his wife sadly,
"You said that she said they drifted apart- that after being married they simply realised that they did not have much in common".
"That is what she said, but I am positive that that is not what happened. It is not in women's natures to stop loving- even when things are hard and marriage becomes hard. Women fight for love, but he stopped fighting for her when she did not bring him a child".
"And she still grieves for that kind of man?"
"I am sure she has carried that with her her whole life. She is from a different time where being a woman and a wife meant something different. Love was giving your husband a child and allowing him to carry on his family name. She could not do that so he stopped loving her".
Edward reached for his wife and drew her near him so he could kiss her temple. Jane leaned into him willingly.
"Well regardless of what time she or he came from, that is not what love is".
Jane touched his cheek before running her fingers through his hair. She reluctantly dropped her hand and sighed,
"Do you have any work to do tonight?"
"Mhm, the last before Christmas. Why? Would you rather I be with you?"
"Of course I would rather that"
"Are you asking me to remain with you instead tonight? Because you know I would have no problem with such a proposition"
"No. Work tonight so that over Christmas you can relax and do only what you want to do".
"Alright darling" he said, standing and kissing the top of her head, "Thank you for sharing dinner with me. I love you".
"I love you" she replied, holding his hand until it slipped from hers.
. . .
Several hours later, Jane sat in her room at her vanity, washing her face. Henry had fallen asleep with almost too much ease, and as a result she had much more free time than she was used to.
She washed, dried her hair, and read for quite some time by the fire. She was reading a history of Ancient Greece, something that interested her immensely because of how foreign it was to her notions of life. Even from the pages of a book that world felt warm and full of sunshine while wine, poets, art and food were described with all the very richest language had to offer. She was so immersed in the book that it was not until a hand was on her shoulder that she was pulled from its pages.
"Hello"
Jane smiled as a kiss was planted on her cheek.
"What are you reading?"
"The history of ancient Greece" Jane replied, "It is fascinating. How differently people lived from then to know- how differently they must still live from us"
He wrapped his arms around his wife and rested his chin on her shoulder.
"Greece is one of the most beautiful places on earth. The ancient world interacts with he present day in such a vivid way. Ancient homes are used by current families, ancient art is used as modern poetry, ancient Latin speaks the words of Greece's people and ancient music and food ring through the streets and are eaten in the same way they were thousands of years ago. Markets fill the streets, and fishermen work on the banks of every shoreline. It is a wonderful place"
"When were you last there?"
"Hm, perhaps ten years ago now".
"What do you miss most about it?"
"The sun" he smiled against her skin as he kissed her neck.
In one fluid motion he moved to sit across from her in his own chair.
"But I also miss the water, and how warm it is"
"The water of the Mediterranean?"
"Mhm, so warm that you can swim in it with nothing on at all"
"Oh? And how would you know that?"
"I just do" he said, grinning mischievously.
Jane sat back and looked at him, smiling to herself in recognition of everything her husband was.
"I thought you were supposed to be working tonight"
"I was, but I decided against it"
"Why? Are you feeling well?"
"Yes, I feel very well. So well, in fact, that I could not get you off of my mind".
He knelt before her and kissed her hand, looking up into her face. Jane looked down on him as he pulled up her skirt and kissed the inside of her leg.
"I could not stop thinking of what I wanted to do to you"
His lips hovered over her skin as he trailed his kisses higher. Jane sighed happily as he gently parted her legs over the arms of the chair and pulled her skirt up fully around her waist so that he could move his lips to where she throbbed and ached for him. He ducked his head between her and with one flick of his tongue Jane pushed her head back into the chair with overwhelming desire. Her voice caught in her throat as she gripped his shoulder. Edward sucked her once, causing her to exhale sharply, the desperation evident in her voice. He smiled against her and sucked again so that her face contorted in agonising pleasure. He pulsated with varying degrees of pressure so that she could no longer keep her eyes opened, and so that his curls were a tangled mess on top of his head, falling down in front of his eyes. Jane breathed a deep, steadying breath to slow the spinning of her mind and the thumping of her heart but it was useless against the power of her husbands' mouth. With one particular movement Jane curled up against him but was pushed back into the chair by her husbands' reassuring hand.
"Stay still, my darling".
"I cannot".
He kissed her stomach.
"I know, but try"
He pulled her down in the chair and moved two fingers inside of her as he lowered his mouth onto her again.
"Oh" Jane exclaimed, instantly overtaken
And in another movement Jane was wracked in waves of searing pleasure as her leg shook and her hand clawed into her husbands back. Weakly, Jane pulled her husband up to her and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek.
"My God" Jane whispered softly, moaning slightly into his shoulder.
She breathed heavily as she recovered her sense of surroundings, her head beginning to turn with thought again. Edward watched her attentively, glowing with pride as he closed her legs and pulled her nightgown back down from around her waist. Shaking her head, Jane pulled the nightgown off over her head and discarded it on the floor. Edward raised his eyebrow at her.
"Tell me what you want from me" Jane entreated, straddling his lap with her arms around his neck. He wrapped his hands around her waist and buried his face in her neck.
"I want you" he mumbled against her skin.
"I would have you in every conceivable way, so you must choose".
"I am not particular"
He looked at her meaningfully as Jane unbuttoned his pants and slipped them off slowly. She then climbed back onto his lap and lowered herself onto him, steadying herself against the chair as she thrust once deeply into him.
"Ah" Jane exclaimed, throwing her head back as she pushed into him again.
Edward groaned into Jane's chest in an alluringly masculine way, causing her heart to jump for a moment.
"You are perfect" he whispered into his wife's ear, pulling slightly on her earlobe. She smiled and kissed his neck in wordless response.
Edward quickly pulled her hips deeply into him before picking her up and laying her on the floor before him. He lowered himself onto her and thrust her up into his arm which rested over her head. Jane pulled at his collar desperately and kissed his mouth briefly before sighing, laying her head back on the ground. Edward lifted her leg behind her knee and placed it over his shoulder so that on the next thrust into her Jane felt her centre throb and her heart race uncontrollably. With one more deep, long thrust Jane felt her husband release within her and she allowed herself to let go as well. She closed her eyes, biting her lip at the rushes of pleasure moving through her blissfully. She reached up and put her hand against her husband's chest reassuringly, feeling the warmth of his skin.
She opened her eyes as he lay down beside her, extending his arm for her to use as a pillow. Jane curled up into his frame, the warmth of the fire covering her back. Edward turned his face to his wife, smiling sleepily.
"I love you" Jane said softly
"Mmm" he sighed, laying his lips against her forehead and kissing her.
They lay there for a while before anyone spoke, the crackling of the logs in the fire constituting the only noise in the room. Jane ran her hand down her husbands stomach, thinking to herself as he watched her intently. When her mind was filled with thoughts and Edward's breathing had slowed, she pulled back from him so she could look up into his face.
"There is something on your mind" he said knowingly, "Tell me"
"There is lots on my mind. We are about to enter into a very busy few weeks"
"No, it is nothing like that- nothing so simple as the logistics of organising a house party for friends".
"No" Jane confirmed, "But how do you know I am not just thinking about what just passed between us?"
Edward smiled,
"No. Your forehead would not be wrinkled in such a thoughtful way. That look came after the lovemaking. So tell me".
"In truth, if we had laid here for another minute in silence I would have asked you if I could talk to you about something"
Edward nodded thoughtfully as he reached for a blanket and wrapped it around Jane's shoulders.
"I am beginning to think that it would be an impossibility to have Father Andrew over here for Christmas, especially if he is indeed engaged to Eliza Spencer. It would make things very, very hard for Mary-"
She stopped herself, sighing,
"And yet I am forced to recognise that he has a right to make whatever choices he will for himself. He established himself as one of our friends, and he has nowhere else to go for Christmas dinner. I wish to be a good person and do the right thing, but Mary is also my cousin, she has been through a lot, and she means much to me. If I do not send him a formal invitation I been cruel and if I do send him one I have hurt Mary".
Edward thoughtfully pondered her words before responding.
"Do you care for him anymore, Jane? It would not be wrong if your feelings have changed. We have not seen him since the summer, not since he lead Mary on and then broke her heart. You saw him once at Lady Denver's house and you said he was polite but only in passing. Perhaps he does not think of us anymore as we think of him. Perhaps he knows what he has done and is too embarrassed to be anything to us again".
"I am sure that is why he stays away. Before we hardly passed a week without seeing him multiple times. But when I did see him I got the feeling he was burning desperately to say much but he held himself back. Perhaps he wishes to apologise but thinks it better to just move on and say nothing. Perhaps he thinks that Mary's feelings for him were only spurred on by her own imagination"
"You do not believe that"
"No, I do not" she replied firmly.
"And I agree. No man unintentionally leads a woman on- it is not within our natures to do such".
"Perhaps my feelings have changed, then" Jane said, thinking on it in a way she had not before. "Certainly my respect for him has changed, and that is perhaps what I liked best about him. I respected his good nature if he indeed lacked some social skills".
"I had grown to like him too" Edward said, "But like you my respect for him is changed. People do not announce a public engagement without telling their friends first, if he did consider us his friends. And in this case he would have special reason to inform us first. Friends also do not stay out of contact for months because they are unwilling to apologise for something they did"
"But, if I adopt that strain of thought, is it not being completely unforgiving? Am I not shutting out every opportunity for him to redeem himself?".
"No" said Edward kindly, "I do not think so. It just frees you from feeling obligated to him when he does not deserve so much of your goodness. If he does decide to be the better person, and to come forward with some sort of explanation, then I know your gracious heart will well allow for it".
Jane sighed bitterly.
"I think my feelings have changed. I think I am angry at him, Edward"
He nodded understandingly,
"I do not blame you, darling".
"And he has not spoken with us in so long. Surely that is reflective of how our relationship has changed. Well-" she resolved, "I will not send him a formal invitation but he will be welcome in this home should he need something".
"I think that is more than fair. I think you very good".
Jane looked sideways into the fire before looking back at her husband.
"Thank you"
He kissed her cheek sweetly before kissing her temple.
"Is that all that was on your mind?"
"Mmm. Other than that I am excessively happy"
She smiled at him warmly.
"Then I must ask for your help with something"
"With what?"
Edward pulled Jane up into a seated position gently so that she could relax into his frame, her back to his stomach.
"I do not want to wait any longer to arrange the servants Christmas gifts just in case there are complications with anything that will need to be worked out. Last year, when we give them their Christmas increase in salary you said that some women should not receive money, but rather a physical gift".
"I just think that this is not part of their salary, but it is a token of our appreciation for the work that they do all year. I was saddened last year when some of the girls told me the money was taken from them by their husbands, fathers, or brothers to buy Christmas rum or whisky. These girls never owned an item in their life that was truly theirs. I remember when I was given my old teachers broach from Lowood- I had never been given a present, so it meant the absolute world to me. I think these girls would feel the same way- proud and pleased to have something of their own".
"Then I agree with you absolutely. If you write down the names of those you wish to get a gift for, I shall see to it that they receive it".
"I shall go into town then and pick out some things"
"I will accompany you, if you wish. Tomorrow is supposed to be a clear and dry day if you would like to go then"
"Yes, I should like that very much".
At that moment the sound of Henry crying could be heard from the next room. Jane looked at her husband before kissing him and standing up.
"I will be back in a moment with him"
"Jane, love"
She turned when she was halfway to the door as Edward threw her nightgown to her.
She blushed slightly.
"Thank you".