Hello all!
Here it finally is!
More to come very soon, I promise you. Hope you are all well. Much love!
xoxox
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The next morning Jane lay awake in bed with her eyes fixed on the ceiling, feeling too tired to remain awake but also too awake to fall back asleep. Her night was unsettled and she hadn't slept for more than half an hour before waking up and tossing and turning. Ironically, Jane's poor night had been the first good night Henry had had in a long time. Had his cries wrung through the air she would have had something to do, but she was meet with nothing but silence. She was not easily frustrated, but she was angry at herself for not taking advantage of a good nights sleep when it came so rarely.
Eventually tiring of trying to fall asleep, Jane got up and grabbed a book before returning to bed with it. As she rested her back against the headboard Edward turned in his sleep and draped one arm over his wife's legs, settling back into sleep as easily as a child would. She smiled to herself and opened the heavy volume of poetry that she was working through, smoothing out the page she had last finished on. Even though it felt better to read than to lie in bed and do nothing, she scanned the same lines over and over again without gaining any meaning from them. Sighing, she dropped the book into her lap angrily and shoved the sharp corner of it into her husbands' forehead.
"God" he said opening one eye and holding out his hand for protection, "Are you trying to blind me woman?"
"I'm sorry" Jane laughed briefly, laying the book aside and rubbing her fingers over the place where she had hurt him, "I am really sorry"
She bent down and kissed his forehead.
"It's alright my love" but in looking around the room and seeing that the sun was still rising he looked up at his wife, "What are you doing up so early?"
"I could not sleep" she said, sinking down beside him in bed and laying her head on his chest.
"I am worried about you. You have been tired, and then not able to sleep. You have been hungry and then not able to eat. Last night you were unwell and now I find you taking vengeance on me by stabbing me with books".
"That last part is not true"
"The rest is, and that is what bothers me"
"Please, do not worry about me Edward" Jane said pulling her face up to look at him, "I hate that look of concern on your face and there is nothing to be concerned about".
"How can you know that?"
"Because right now I feel rather well, apart from being a little angry at myself I did not sleep more soundly. Everyone has off days, and I perhaps just had a few off days together".
He sighed.
"Promise me that if this continues or you start to feel worse you will tell me and allow me to call a doctor"
"Yes, I promise"
He kissed the top of her head before rubbing her arm comfortingly.
"How long have you been up for?"
"On and off all night, I'm afraid. It was the one night that Henry was not up all night too".
"Figures" Edward grumbled, pulling his wife to him and burying his face in her hair.
"You smell so good".
A smile.
He groaned sleepily, a certain calmness and love moving over his aspect. Jane looked upon his face, honest and flushed as it was with love and sighed. She pulled him to her mouth and ran her fingers through his long curls, dragging her nails along his scalp so that he groaned into her skin.
"If you only knew the things I wanted to do to you right now. If only you knew how much I want to pull your shift over your head and kiss every inch of you".
"I do not know how you can speak to me in such a way without blushing"
"I prefer to watch you blush. Besides, why should I not be honest about how I feel about my wife?"
He took her chin between finger and thumb and learned in to kiss her when there was a great amount of muffled noise outside in the corridor.
"What is that?" he asked
"I do not know-" Jane began, but then she heard Georgiana's high voice.
"She will not mind, not one bit! I know my cousin. She is all kindness"
"Oh no" Jane said, pushing herself off her husband and standing up. She pulled on her robe and tied it around her waist as there were three hard raps on their bedroom door.
"Jane! Jane! Are you in there?"
Glancing back at Edward to make sure she was not exposing him still in bed, Jane opened the door.
"Geogiana, is anything the matter?"
"Oh no, of course not. But I had an idea this morning and it simply could not wait for breakfast".
"Wh-"
"I thought my husband and I could stay another night at your house if it was agreeable to you. I just feel like last night it was an incomplete goodbye. You had to care for Henry, and my own husband was too tired for any cards or games. It was very dull of him. We are not expected at the house we are travelling to until tomorrow so there is time for more socialising".
"Oh Georgiana, do you not think that your family would want you to arrive early if you could? It is Christmas after all"
"Oh well they do not need to know. Besides, I would rather stay here with you- my own family".
The door across the hallway opened and Mr Eshton stepped out looking somewhat concerned.
"Is everything well? I heard screaming".
"Oh!" Georgiana shrilled, "Oh my, I was just so excited Jane I could not sleep. But I will go back to my room until breakfast".
Eshton looked at Jane meaningfully as he closed his bedroom door. With that, Georgiana turned and walked down the hallway again but suddenly she stopped and turned.
"Jane, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about. If I am to stay another night, I was wondering if you could give the Baron a separate room. You see, it is not our usual arrangement to sleep together and in a strange bed it is rather too different for me".
"We will discuss it at breakfast" Jane promised
"Very well. See you then!"
She bounced down the hallway happily but Jane closed her bedroom door before she had the chance to turn around and say something else. Jane leaned against the door and looked to husband who was laughing in bed, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Well now that that is settled, whatever that was, I am going to go and check on-"
"Oh no, no, no, get over here. I am not finished with you yet and Henry is just fine".
"I really should check on him- Edward what are you doing? Wait, no!" Jane laughed as he stood and lifted her into his arms,
"Be quiet woman- you will wake the whole house".
"Then you must not do anything that will make me loud"
"Oh no. I intend to do exactly that"
He lay Jane down on the bed before him but paused meaningfully.
"Do you want to make love to me, Jane?"
"Yes" she smiled, sitting up "And I love you for asking".
"Good" he confirmed as Jane pulled him down again to her mouth.
. . .
Half an hour later they lay sprawled beside each other on the bed. Jane felt incredibly tired and weak not only from the exhaustion of lovemaking, but also because of the general effort that seemed to weigh her body down recently. She pressed her forehead into her husbands arm before breathing deeply.
"What is it my love?"
He kissed the top of her head, slipping his arm under her as she moved onto her back so that her feeling, expressive eyes looked up at him.
"What is it?" he asked again, this time with a tone which indicated he knew something was wrong.
"Georgiana wants to stay another night"
"I thought she might"
"Is it terrible of me to have conflicting feelings?"
Jane sat up, bringing the blankets around herself as she pulled her knees to her chest.
"I should not care. We are so lucky. We have so much, and when one has much it becomes their responsibility to share with others as often they you can. What is the point of having this big beautiful home if family cannot come and stay when they wish? It is just that I know Georgiana to be the type of person who takes advantage of people for her own benefit whether or not she is aware of the fact herself. She will remain here, comfortable and excited by the opportunity to meet different people who will flatter her until she must move on. I feel that I cannot be completely natural with her here, though I know I should be. I spend my time watching her, for the moment I take my eyes off of her she is suddenly in front of me in need of something. I am just worried she will ask to stay longer and longer and I will not be able to find a kind way to tell her no".
"You will not need to find a way to say no to her" Edward assured, "I know what you want is for her to inherently know her boundaries but she is just not that type of person. If you wish her to remain in your life in a positive way, which I know you do, you just need to be firm with her so she does not overstep lines. The other option is becoming frustrated and parting on bad terms and I know you wish to avoid such at all costs".
"You are right".
Jane paused, thinking to herself for a moment before speaking.
"I was so nervous to see my cousins again when I arrived at the sickbed of my Aunt. I did not want to stand before them in the house where I was once so unhappy with time neither making me more beautiful nor more accomplished. But the moment I stepped through the door and faced Georgiana and Eliza I felt something I had never experienced before. When I walked into the room and their eyes scanned me top to bottom I did not care for a moment what judgements were passing through their mind. I felt my inward value that could not be taken away. Having known you, Mr Rochester, you had made me feel confidant in who I was, because you saw me just as I was and respected me for it. You made me feel like I had an intrinsic value and innate power of person which transcended everything else. My friendship with you had shown me that in spite of never being told it before, my brain was vigorous and strong, I had self awareness, and a generosity of spirit which allowed me to be understanding with them even when they were rather unkind to me. I realised then what you had given me, which was the knowledge that I- plain and unspectacular Jane Eyre, mattered simply because I existed. When I left Gateshead I never thought I would see my cousins again. But now she is here and in spite of me not thinking I would have a relationship with Georgiana I have no hesitation with her staying because we are equalised. But as you said, without me being firm with her she will only ask to stay longer and longer and we will once again be unequal".
"You are incredibly wise, Jane" Edward replied genuinely, "And after all, Jane, our life is clearly very different from hers- she would tire of us soon enough. It is only a matter of making her feel wanted in the time she would willingly stay"
"Mhm" Jane reflected, "We do not live an exciting enough life for her taste, that I know".
"Thank God" Edward grumbled under is breath.
Jane smiled at him briefly and then to herself before looking out of the window. It was raining now, and she could just barely hear it start to beat down upon the panes of glass.
"If you believed you would never see Georgiana again do you not think it possible that you could have a relationship with Eliza too?"
"Walled up inside of her french convent? No, I very much doubt that. Besides, she felt I was practical enough and useful to a point where a relationship with me would be valuable but not meaningful and I cannot say I wish for that. At least Georgiana seemed to value me more as a friend, or a confidant at least".
"Mmm" he reflected, "You have never told me that before- that a friendship with me changed you".
"Well I always felt that I could be confidant in who I was, because I lived a life that was true to my values and my beliefs and any person who lives in a similar way can claim the same. But I was never thought for a second that someone else would care for, or recognise me. You were the first person ever in my life to know me and see me for who I was and to respect me for it. You made me feel that my thoughts and feelings mattered, because I knew that I meant something to someone in the world".
"You meant a great deal to that person" he replied seriously.
"I know" Jane smiled, allowing him to reach up and kiss her temple. She looked into his face warmly and traced a line down his arm before kissing him briefly, the shortness of it feeling dissatisfying.
"We need to dress"
At that moment there was a knock at the door as Adele's voice cut through the silence.
"Jane! Could you please come and help me?".
"In a minute Adele, go back to your room until I can come to you"
Then another noise split the silence- the cries of Henry.
"I got him" Edward said, pulling on his nightshirt and walking into the adjoined nursery. Jane smiled to herself as she too stood and dressed and heard her husbands voice.
"Good morning Henry. Come on, come up with your father"
. . . .
Half an hour later Jane and Edward had managed to calm the madness of their morning to a point where they were calmly sitting with Henry, trying to get him to eat before everyone else came down for breakfast. Adele did not sit with the adults so she had eaten quickly with Jane and Rochester and then rushed off to do some reading in her room. Indeed, as her old governess, Jane could not complain that Adele wished to read so much.
To no one's surprise, Georgiana rounded the corner into the dining room first- slightly too early for the assigned meal time. She was dressed in a rich emerald green dress with glossy fabric and an elaborate panel on the inside decorated with stripes. The sleeves were puffed and ornately decorated with stripes like the middle panel was but here they were thinner. She wore a large emerald necklace, earrings, and had a green ribbon braided into the ornate pile of hair styled on top of her head. The large amount of jewellery jangled loudly when she moved in the same overt way her shoes clacked on the floor as she rounded the corner.
"Good morning" she said brightly, pulling out a random chair and sitting across from Jane and Edward at the table, "How are we this morning?"
"Very well, thank you. And you?"
"Quite well, Mr Rochester. I must say, you really do have such a quiet home in the morning. Surely you remember mornings at the house, Jane- Mama always had quite the active household. I disapproved of it immensely but she never heard a word of my complaints. Gardeners, cobblers, doctors, servants all disrupting the natural way one wakes up and warms to the day. It was horrible to wake to the sound of footsteps outside of your room and shrill voices. I am of the opinion that if one cannot wake up, slowly, peacefully and quietly then the day is completely ruined".
Jane smiled to herself as she reflected on the irony of the situation, given the way Georgiana had stomped down to their room that very morning.
"Do you not think that such is a rather unfair statement given that the majority of people do not have the luxury to wake up in such a way?" Edward asked.
"What do you mean by such a question?"
"It is only that most people wake up at dawn to sounds which indicates their day has started, whether that is to work in a factory, or on a farm, or to care for their children, or to serve people as privileged as we are"
Georgiana went to reply but stopped, reconsidering her answer.
"Well yes...but that is the way things are" she said, "They have never known anything else. The wealthy provide jobs for the poor. if we do not live in the way we do, there would be no jobs and then where would they work?"
"Somewhere they chose, perhaps?"
Georgiana grinned, flapping her hands in the air dismissively.
"Mr Rochester you are such an optimist. Speaking of, have you thought about my proposition from this morning, Jane?"
She smiled at the bluntness of her question and the quick way she derailed the conversation.
"Yes I did. You are more than welcomed to stay another night, Georgiana"
"Oh wonderful. I am glad you think it is a good idea. Would it be a problem to put my husband into his own room?"
"No, I will speak to Leah after breakfast and have his things moved" Jane said helpfully.
"It is only that we have never shared a room. When we were first married I fear we were too much used to living without another person to integrate ourselves comfortably into every moment of the others day. The end of the day is such a personal time. You may not fully understand this Mr Rochester, but a woman needs the time at the end of the day to undress, to undo her hair and tend to it- to bathe her face in water and keep up her feminine routine. Although we look good for you men when we appear in the morning very few men realise the time that takes at night. My husband chattered so in my ear as I did this and so we agreed it would be better to sleep apart. It is such considerations for one another which keep our marriage strong, for we have very little time in the day, or night, to argue with one another or interrupt the other persons wishes".
The contrast between the attitude of her cousin towards marriage and her own feelings made Jane feel incredibly sorry for her. It was true that she had never wished for anything more than the shallow, materialistic marriage she was currently in but for Jane who knew there was another way to live, it felt like a horribly hollowed out existence. To live so close with another person and not want to be with them must have been so strange. Worse, to be married to someone and not wish to share mornings and nights- those private, quiet moments which engage the soul, must be a very empty fate.
"I had a question, perhaps for the both of you" Edward started, a mischievous look on his face that made Jane instantly worry. "Yesterday, when you were talking you said something, Georgiana, about a drawing that Jane had done at your house?"
Jane grinned, biting her lip in slight embarrassment as her cousin beamed.
"Oh yes. The picture. Well, when Jane came to stay with us-"
"Oh Georgiana, we do not need to retell this all. Edward is not serious"
"I most certainly am" he said, "Carry on Georgiana, please"
"Of course he is Jane! Anyways, when Jane came to stay with us when my mother was ill we spent a lot of time in the days simply sitting around. It was dull, and I tired of things to do yet Jane never seemed to. Eventually I found out what she was doing was drawing pictures and, in particular, a portrait of a man. Turns out it was of you, but she never did tell me who it was when I asked- she just shoved it away quickly".
Edward went to speak but at that moment Anne and Mr Eshton rounded the corner and wished everyone a good morning, thankfully breaking any continuation of that conversation. When Georgiana became occupied with the new people in the room, Jane turned to her husband and smiled shyly- knowing that his face meant he was expectant for more of an explanation.
"I had missed you" Jane explained quietly, "I felt so out of place at Gateshead and I wanted so much, even if it was in the back of my mind, to have you there as my friend- to reassure me and to make me laugh at the situation, for I knew you would if you had been there".
"I love you so much" he replied,
"And how are you two this morning?" Eshton asked sitting across from his friends.
"Well thank you, and you?"
"A little sleepy" he said darkly, looking over at Georgiana who was still chattering to his wife.
Edward smiled at his friend and drank his tea.
"I heard you got a letter yesterday from your uncle"
"Ah yes, I did"
"I did not know you were in contact with anyone in your family"
"I am not really" he explained, "My uncle writes me on occasion but we really do not converse often. He is my fathers brother, but my father was not close with him either. I think he only continues to write me because he feels guilty"
"What ever for?"
"My father and mother, Jane, died suddenly when I was a young man. I had just left for university when they both fell ill. My uncle would not see him on his deathbed because he did not want to travel back from the continent. Perhaps my father underplayed the severity of the illness or simply was not close enough to fully explain but my uncle has always carried some guilt about it"
"When was the last time you saw him?"
"Second last time we were in London, Rochester. But before that- years and years ago".
"Well I too have family I know nothing of" Edward said, "You know what my father was like- and my mother was so contained by him that she lost contact with her family as well. I never knew any aunts or uncles growing up but I know I had them, and probably still do, somewhere".
The room became more full as Diana and Mary rounded the corner talking to each other happily and greeting everyone good morning. Another second after that Baron Hogwood rounded the corner with Captain Franklin at his side. Almost as soon as everyone arrived the breakfast was carried out on trays and laid out on the table for everyone.
. . . . . .
After breakfast was finished and people departed for their morning activities Anne, Mary and Diana came to Jane with the offer to go into town. This was perfect as she wished to get some flowers and baskets to give to the servants for Christmas and she worried if she wanted any longer she would not be able to get them. Additionally, Henry had just gone down for his nap so it was the perfect time to go. Unfortunately Georgiana, who had claimed to have other plans, overheard this and confirmed she would be ready too to leave in five minutes.
"Wonderful" Diana said, smiling slightly to the others as Georgiana bustled off to get her cloak.
"Are you all leaving now?" Edward asked coming around the corner with a book in his hand. and seeing the women in the hall with their capes on.
"Yes, but we are waiting on Georgiana" Jane explained,
"Oh, I see" he said, "I am sorry about that ladies-"
"Edward!"
All the girls giggled as Jane reprimanded him,
"Ladies, you know what I mean. I mean nothing cruelly".
"Of course, Mr Rochester"
"If it is a consolation to you I will be responsible for Eshon taking care of poor Daniel this afternoon, which I do not at all anticipate as being easy"
"Why would he do such a thing as that?" Jane asked, confused.
"Because Ms Eshton here believes it will be good practice for her husband once their own child comes. I will have my hands full with Henry but I am sure that between Mr Eshton, Captain Franklin and Baron Hogwood the child will be cared for. Though I will stay close just in case something goes terribly wrong".
The girls all giggled as Anne sighed,
"Your laughter is proof that he does need practice".
Georgiana appeared again around the corner with her gloves and her cape in her arms, fixing her hair on top of her head.
"Well, enjoy yourself ladies. Shall I call the carriage for you?"
"That is fine, the walk will be-"
"Oh ladies, it is unfashionable to walk into town with a carriage avaliable. Besides, I do not wish to dirty my dress. We will be able to return faster with our packages already on our carriage"
Jane looked from Georgiana to her husband who smiled knowingly.
"I will go and arrange it" he said.
When he left through the front door Georgiana sighed happily.
"Such a helpful man. So ladies", she beamed, turning back to the others "What are we buying in town".
"I was thinking of a new bonnet" Anne offered, "My other one is a lovely green colour but because it is green I cannot wear it with everything".
"I understand that. I made that mistake with a light blue bonnet I had. I love it but it really only goes with one dress. Still, you can never have too many so I think it is a great idea. What about you Jane?"
"I need to get flowers and baskets for the servants for Christmas. Last year we gave them some time off to be with their families but as we have people staying this year, obviously, we could not give everyone time off".
"Well, I think that is lovely and they will be very appreciative" Mary interjected, rubbing her cousins arm.
"I hope so. I really am so grateful for them and all they do-".
"I also need to get my dear husband something for Christmas" Georgiana cut in, "Though he has everything he desires so I highly doubt I will be able to get him anything he would appreciate"
"Oh, it is the same for me" Anne said, "My husband does not have many worldly possessions because he does not want them, which means I have a very hard time finding one to give him".
"Have you tried a new cufflink set?" Diana suggested, "The Captain liked his last year when I gifted them"
The sound of the approaching carriage stopped Anne from responding as Georgiana swung her cloak around herself and marched towards the carriage which had barely rolled to a stop at the base of the front steps when she was turning the handle. Edward opened the door and helped Georgiana, Anne, Diana and Mary inside before turning on his wife quietly.
"Have a good trip, darling" he said lowly, "Come back to me soon"
"I will. Have a good afternoon with the others"
"I will try my best"
He kissed her forehead before turning and helping her inside the carriage where all the girls were watching their exchange, blushing to themselves. Edward closed the door behind Jane and stood back, signalling for the driver to move on. As soon as the carriage was in motion Georgiana turned to Jane looking as if she had solved the worlds oldest mystery.
"Are you pregnant?".