Diana, Mary and Anne's heads all snapped expectantly at Jane- angry she had said nothing to them about this supposed pregnancy.
"No" she assured them quickly, "I am not"
"Women get pregnant, Jane, while they still have young babies. It would not be impossible. I saw the way Mr Rochester just kissed your forehead" Georgiana confirmed, looking cocky in her assumption, "That is the look of love if I ever did see it. He is happy you are giving him another son".
"No" Jane clarified quickly, "It would be rather impossible, I assure you".
"Why impossible?" Anne asked,
"Is it because you have not been together since Henry's birth? Such is normal Jane, you should not feel embarrassed at that"
Jane's voice caught in her throat as she went to respond- feeling herself blush while the other girls giggled to themselves.
"No, it is not that" she said, "When I was pregnant with Henry I was very aware of it because it took a large toll on my body. It was a difficult pregnancy, and I imagine that if I was pregnant again it would feel a similar way"
"Do you want more children then, Jane?" Diana asked, "I am not sure we have ever talked about it"
"I do" Jane replied, "And so does Edward. I just cannot imagine having another baby right now. Henry is so much work on his own and even with sharing the responsibilities of caring for him there are many nights that we go to bed truly exhausted".
Mary nodded,
"Daniel is similar. Although I believe Henry cried more than Daniel did as an infant".
"I think so" Jane smiled, "But thank goodness that has largely stopped now. He has the occasional bad cry but he is much better now".
"My baby was perfect" Georgiana said, "I do not wish to brag but it must be said. He was an angel. Whenever I went in to see him with his nanny he was always so quiet and peaceful. I thought he was god sent".
Anne, who was sitting beside Georgiana, rolled her eyes at Jane who bit back a grin.
. . .
The group of women arrived in town sooner than expected. Normally the walk meant that it would have taken at least half an hour but with the carriage it took far less. Jane learned quickly, however, that perhaps Georgiana had had a point in wanting to ride in the carriage instead of walking for it soon became evident that all of her packages needed to be brought back to the house somehow. The girls flitted between shops as Georgiana came out with boxes upon boxes of gifts for herself- hats and shoes and ribbons and fabric and hairpins. Anne did indeed get her new bonnet she wished for and Diana and Mary also got some ribbons for their Christmas day dresses. Jane on the other hand was more occupied in securing gifts for other people. While the girls were waiting for fabric to be cut Jane walked outside to the flower cart. Her intention was to buy some flowers for the servants for Christmas, for there had not been enough flowers the last time they had been bought and the servants kept moving them back upstairs when Jane carried them down.
"Good morning Ms Rochester, how are you today?"
"I am well, thank you. How are you Mr Hamilton?"
"It has been slow this Christmas, miss"
"Has it? I am sorry to hear such. Do you know why?"
"There was another gentlemen selling flowers here this year, and he did better than me I think".
"How could that be? Your flowers are the most beautiful I have ever seen".
"Thank you miss. You have always been very supportive".
"No, I should be thanking you! Your flowers bring me so much joy".
But this revelation of his flowers not selling suddenly made the full stand of beautiful red flowers a sad contrast to the white, clean snow around it.
"Shall I wrap you up your normal order?" he asked knowingly, beginning to take a relatively small bunch of flowers into his hand.
"Well, Mr Hamilton, I fear you may think me selfish but I wish to take all your flowers today"
"All miss?"
"Unless of course you have someone else coming- and as I said, I do not wish to be selfish. It is only that I need some flowers for my servants and we have a large party staying with us this Christmas. I am so sorry, I should have given you more notice-"
"No, miss. I would want you to have them anyways. I will only be a moment"
"Thank you very much. Can I return to you in a few minutes?"
"Of course, they will be ready then"
Jane nodded to him and stepped back into the fabric store to find the girls standing around the counter, Georgiana still pointing out fabric that she wished to have pulled from the shelf and cut. There was a large amount of fabrics laid out on a table, all unwound from their roll and dissected in a way which indicated Georgiana had asked to see much that she had no intention of buying.
"Did you sort out the flowers, Jane?" Diana asked quietly as Georgiana pointed to a particularly flashy yellow silk fabric which still had most of the material on the roll.
"Yes, I believe so. But now I think we will not have enough room on the carriage to take everything back with us. We have quite a few packages"
Jane smiled but Diana shook her head, clearly disapproving of Georgiana's frivolous nature. Still, at least Mary and Anne seemed very amused with the whole process. They smiled to one another as Georgiana watched her yellow fabric be cut.
"And you will load this on the carriage outside?"
"Yes ma'am"
"And my husband will come to settle the cost later".
The clerk looked up at Jane who nodded reassuringly, so he continued to wrap up the fabric in paper and tie it off.
"So ladies, is there anything else we need to do before heading home? Goodness what fun this has been-has it not?" Georgiana grinned
"I have nothing left to do"
"Nor I"
"I am just going to go and get Edward's shaving soap down the road. By the time I return I will be ready to go as well"
"Perfect Jane, you run along. When you return we will be ready to leave"
True to her word, when Jane returned a few minutes later all the girls were standing on the sidewalk watching the shopping get pilled into the carriage as the top was already filled with boxes and cases. Mr Hamilton, in seeing this, offered to bring the flowers personally to the Rochester home. Jane could not persuade him to let a servant come for them so instead they were just left with, largely, Georgiana's shopping.
"There is not room for one of us in the carriage" Mary pointed out, "Not with everything now in here"
"The clerk will bring it to the house then" Anne said helpfully, but Georgiana looked hesitant.
"I...do not think so. I find when fabric does not come with the traveller it does not arrive in as good condition. It can become wet or damp on the back of a wagon or trailer and I would hate for it to be ruined".
"This works out well for I would like the walk!" Jane said, "I have no issue making my way back to the house on my own. The fresh air will do me some good and it is not long"
"Not on your own, Jane!"
"I do it all the time, I assure you. It is rather a nice day and I am dressed for it where no one else is. I will be back only a few minutes after you".
. . .
After some continued disagreements, but eventual success, Jane watched the carriage filled with the others pull away from town towards their home. Jane began to walk behind it, her footsteps crunching under the hard snow, until it eventually turned out of sight and was lost to view. As Jane set off on her walk she felt a happiness spread over her like sun moving over ones face on a cloudy day. Indents in the snow made by other carriages also made a perfect walking path for Jane who basked in the quietness and the freshness of the outdoor air.
Because of the fair amount of snow which had freshly fallen Jane was confined to walking on the main road. If this had not been the case she would have walked through the trees where she felt she knew every river and creek and rock along the path home. It was quieter there, more peaceful, and gave her a place to be free with her thoughts. On the main road she waved to neighbours and acquaintances, constantly aware of her surroundings and distracted by every little noise. Still, compared to how busy their home had been over the last few days this felt like a wonderful moment of freedom. The walk gave Jane plenty of time to reflect on what had been sitting in the forefront of her mind waiting for a quiet moment to be analysed.
Jane thought to herself that she had been contented with the brief, somewhat dishonest friendship she and Georgiana had had with each other when they had last departed but if she was to stay in her life, Jane wanted something more honest. Firstly, she felt like she needed to explain to Georgiana that her memory of their childhood growing up at Gateshead was not consistent with her own experiences. The torment and pain she felt was merely remembered by Georgiana as light, playful teasing between family. Either she did this to avoid a difficult conversation or she did this because she simply never took enough notice of Jane to see she was in pain. Either way, the reason did not upset Jane- only the lack of truth between them. She did not have anything besides honest relationships in her life, and this had to be true of Georgiana as well.
Secondly, Jane wished to be overall more transparent with her about her own beliefs and opinions. In many ways Jane disagreed with her cousins overall attitude and lifestyle. Fairly, she acknowledged that people had the right to choose what they wanted with their lives but Georgiana's level of self indulgence impacted other people as well. Had it been Diana, Mary or even Anne in town buying so much at once in front of those who begged and starved on the streets, Jane would have had to say something to them about the insensitivity of it. The briefness of an encounter, particularly in the case of Georgiana, did not mean that Jane had to hold back her personal opinions when they were called for. In fact, Georgiana may have benefited in her life from more people being honest with her.
The sound of the river running over rocks beside her brought Jane back to her present surroundings for a moment so that when her mind peacefully fell back into thought it landed on a different subject- pregnancy.
It had been suggested to her twice in recent times, once by her husband and once by Georgiana. Although Jane's replies had been quick she had always felt they were honest. She was not pregnant, and there was no way she could be. She remembered what it had felt like to be incredibly in tune with her own body from the moment it began to change. Pregnancy had been hard both physically and emotionally for her. Not that she ever would have complained about it, not with the result of her pregnancy being her son that she loved more than anything, but Jane knew she was the type of woman who would always have difficulty carrying a baby. Even this, though, did not bother her. What bothered her at present was her own reaction to the thought of being pregnant. Both times it had recently been suggested to her, Jane felt incredibly overwhelmed at the thought of caring for another human being. Henry took up an immense amount of time, and she worried that with another young life in the world, both would not receive the love and care they needed. Additionally, Jane worried that that it would hurt her relationship with her husband. She loved him because of his immense love for his son and in this they were equally matched. Two children who were young, both needing much from their parents, would surely pull them apart in some way. It would of course not be anyone's fault, but it would happen and it would be very hard. Jane's family was her entire life, and her husband was her rock. If she became untethered from him then everything would be out of sorts in the world.
As these thoughts turned in her mind, Jane heard an approaching sound. Looking up to make sure she was not in the path of a carriage she saw her husband riding on a horse towards her. Stopping, she watched him curiously as he approached.
"Hello" he called
"Hello" she smiled, "What are you doing?"
"The ladies told me you were walking home alone and I was worried you did not dress warm enough. I see you have though"
"Apart from my feet, they are a little cold. Thank you", she said, taking his hand and being hoisted onto the horse in front of him. He wrapped his arms around his wife and held her close as he indicated to the horse to ride on.
"I must say, Jane, I was a little shocked when I saw the carriage pull up without you. And then I was even more shocked when I saw the enormity of shopping come out of the carriage in place of you. What was Georgiana thinking?"
"I could not say" Jane replied honestly, "She said she wished for new dresses and that she found the country fabric to be unique and charming. But then she also bought hats, bows, ribbons and a hair pin so I think she was just rather eager to show off".
Edward chucked to himself as they turned the corner of the winding road onto a straighter path.
"I am sorry if I uninterrupted your walk. You looked as if you were enjoying it"
"It was the silence I wished for, not necessarily the walk, and being with you alone is the same as being alone with myself".
He opened his large travelling cloak to wrap her inside and in feeling his warmth Jane had to acknowledge to herself that she was perhaps a little colder than she initially thought.
"Thank you" she replied, "How is Henry? I have missed him"
"He was up with me while I witnessed the very painful experience of Eshton trying to care for poor Daniel, who couldn't have looked less soothed, but then he went back to sleep just before I came for you".
Jane smiled to herself,
"Was Eshton trying to care for Daniel truly painful?"
"The most painful thing I have every witnessed" Edward grinned, causing Jane to laugh.
"Oh no! Anne had such high hopes for him today"
"Well I certainly do not wish to enlighten her" he said, "And her husband does not either. He held him out so far from his body it was like the poor boy was some unwanted insect. Then he sat uncomfortably with the poor boy in his arms until Captain Franklin took over. Franklin was quite good with him, to my surprise".
"Was he?"
"Mmm. At any rate I am not sure that Eshton tried very hard. He kept saying there would be a nanny for that type of care care, so there was no point in him even practising".
Jane lay her head back on Edward for a moment before sighing in appreciation of his own affection as a father.
"Darling, what do you think about going home, collecting Henry, and riding off somewhere until Christmas is over?"
"While everyone remains at our home?"
"Mhm. I do not mind!"
Jane shook her head,
"We cannot do that. I just bought a large amount of flowers for the house and I am rather excited to see them"
"A large amount?" he laughed, "Why?"
"Mr Hamilton told me that he has had a hard season trying to sell his flowers. I went to get some for the servants but could not leave him with a stand of flowers- not so close to Christmas"
"Love, our house is already overrun with flowers as it is"
"I know"
He smiled against her skin and kissed her cheek,
"The servants will love it"
"Oh Edward look!"
Jane pointed to a place in the woods where a rabbit ran out onto the path in front of them. Edward slowed the horse to watch the little creature scurry across the road into the trees on the other side.
"A winter hare" he said, walking on as the rabbit vanished through the trees on the opposite side of the road, "It feels so strange to see life in the winter when one sees so much of it in the summer".
"Mmm. The winter makes one appreciate life so much more when one sees it, does it not?"
"I thought of that often when I was in Jamaica. It was so vibrant and so full of nature all the time without seasons to break up the flow of life. It's beauty became almost background noise because it never went away and never faded. In that sense there is a benefit to our cold barren winters".
"It must have felt so strange, Edward. Even the seasons, which here feel as immovable as the will of God himself, were changed. How does one step into a life so different, so foreign, and keep moving forward?"
"Well, I was running from something" Edward said, "And because of that I ran into my new life with my eyes completely shut. It made the transition rather more smooth than it could have been- should have been, really".
"It was not your fault. You were only 21, you knew so little".
"Jane, darling, that is your age"
"Yes, but the difference is that you were spoiled and shielded growing up. You did not know how to look at things differently"
"Mmm" he chuckled
They rounded another corner onto the stretch of road that lead to their home. The trees which lined both sides of the road were covered in snow and contained the birds which tweeted happily as they rode past.
"Edward, you know when you kissed me earlier as we were leaving?"
"Yes?"
"You caused quite the stir when you did so"
"Did I now? How?"
"As soon as the carriage doors closed Georgiana turned and asked me if I was pregnant"
Edward chuckled,
"Why would she say that?"
"Because you kissed me"
"I fail to see the connection between the two things- well, not a direct connection but kissing certainly would be involved in getting you pregnant"
If Jane could turn around to face him, she would have given him a disapproving look.
"They thought you kissed me because you were pleased I was giving you another son"
"What? So I can only kiss you when you are supposedly pregnant?"
"Mhm"
"Oh Jane, please. Do be serious"
"I am! It is what they said.
Edward bit his lip.
"Maybe, my darling, they heard us this morning"
"Edward, please. Please do not say that. It was the first thing that came into my mind".
He turned the horse down the lane leading to their home so that the house came slowly into view. Jane could see Mr Hamilton's cart at the end of the drive, unloading red flowers onto the front steps and being carried in by servants.
"Christ, what is all this?"
"That would be the flowers"
"You were not lying when you said you bought the cart"
"No, I was not".
As they reached the end of the drive, Eshton stepped out of the front door and greeted his friend.
"Hello Rochester" he called, "Glad you're back. I was not sure what to do with this large order"
"They are to be brought directly into the house, of course".
Eshon turned to Mr Hamilton,
"They are of the most beautiful specimens, Mr Hamilton "
"Thank you sir".
Edward climbed off the horse and turned around to help his wife. As he was lifting her down Georgiana ran out of the front door shortly followed by her husband, Anne and Diana.
"Oh wow!" she shrilled, "Some will be going straight to my room I hope?"
"Of course, Ms Hogwood" Mr Rochester said, "Shall we leave Mr Hamilton to do his job?"
. . .
But Edward remained outside to help Mr Hamilton while the others arranged flowers around the sitting room. Anne was pushing some of the red poinsettias into a vase on the mantle over the fireplace when Georgiana gave up and dropped her bouquet of flowers on a nearby table before throwing herself down onto the couch.
"I wish I could have my dresses completed right now. It is always so hard to wait until they can be sewn"
"You could always learn to sew them yourself, Georgiana. Then you would not have to wait on someone else to sew it for you".
"Oh Jane, you know I am not talented in such things and I am certainly about to learn".
Mary picked up her vase of arranged flowers and laid it on a card table behind her,
"Is this to your liking Jane?"
"It is perfect Mary. You can arrange them in any way you like, I am not particular".
Jenny stepped around the corner with Henry fussing in her arms,
"Ma'am, Henry is awake again"
"Oh- thank you for bringing him down, Jenny"
Jane took him into her arms and kissed his cheek,
"Hello there, how was your nap?"
"Here, I will see to these" Anne said, taking Jane's flowers and filling another vase so that she could see to her son.
"Thank you".
Diana picked up another pile of flowers and began plucking leaves off the stem.
"So Georgiana, what are these dresses being made for?"
"Well mostly for when the Baron has dinner parties. Although admittedly, he has most of them in the country home while I reside in the city. Still, if the need should arrive the guests at the table are far too important for me to be wearing some old dress I have owned for a long time"
"But all your dresses are so lovely"
"Thank you Jane, but as lovely as they may be they are not new and for the type of guests who come to such things they are liable to notice such- or at lease their wives would- and I do not wish to embarrass my husband".
"And who makes your dresses?" Anne asked, sitting down beside Jane.
"Different women- but in particular Marnie makes them for me. She is my ladies maid and so talented. She does take her time, however. Just a little faster would be much better for me".
"There" Diana said, fluffing the final flowers in their vase and laying them on the windowsill, "That should do it".
"Shall we have some tea?" Jane asked
. . . .
The afternoon passed away into the the evening with ease. Like Georgiana had suggested earlier, dinner and after dinner activities for that night were planned so that there could be a more formal evening of socialising before Baron and Baroness Hogwood left the following day. So that she did not neglect the children in the house because of the busy evening, Jane spent her afternoon with Henry and Adele making sure they were contented and well cared for before the late dinner started. Once Henry was asleep and Adele was settled in her room, Jane went to her own room to get changed.
She dressed slowly and with not much energy. It took her twice as long to do up her corset and it felt particularly strenuous to do so. She watched herself in the mirror until she looked presentable and then sat in her armchair in front of the fire for a moment, just to relax before she was to go down. She laid her head on the corner of the chair and looked into the crackling fire, her mind simultaneously full and empty. She could feel thoughts there, hovering in the forefront of her mind, but she did not reflect on them. All she could think of was that her more formal attire felt heavy and slightly uncomfortable.
As her eyelids began to drop, brought on by the heat and warmth of the fire, the heavy larch of her bedroom door opening alerted her to her setting again. Edward moved into the room, quickly throwing off his tailcoat and shirt and beginning to change into something more formal. The contrast in energy was evident as he began talking.
"I just checked on Henry and he was still asleep. I stuck my head in to see Adele too and she was using that sketching pad I found"
"Oh good" Jane said, standing up and walking toward her husband. He looked at her as she approached and smiled before kissing her forehead.
"You were almost asleep"
"Almost, not quite".
He dropped his wife's hand as she sat down on the bed before him.
"How was shooting with the Baron?"
"It was fine. In truth I do not mind him. I think him rather sensible compared to his wife".
"I agree. But you do not like hunting"
"No, I do not. Though it satisfied the others. Truthfully we did not do much shooting"
"No?"
"Mostly the Baron talked- in spite of him claiming to be an expert shooter. He made it evident that he and his wife are mentally at two different, and rather opposing, places in their lives. Georgiana is a new wife, mother, and Baroness where he is done with such things and wants a life of comfort and ease. Why he did not anticipate such before his marriage started I do not know but it seems to burden him now".
"I suspect that it does. He said something similar to me yesterday. He started to explain that if he had taken more time before his marriage perhaps certain things would have been different, but he did not finish the thought".
"I dare say he did not. He would have to admit he has been a fool, and I think he is a somewhat proud man. If he was not, he would not have married one of the most beautiful, young and available ladies of London. He is too intelligent for pride and ego not to have played a part in the choice".
Jane watched her husband affectionately as he buttoned up his waistcoat. He smoothed the front before tucking his cravat into his shirt.
"Do I look acceptable?"
"Much more than acceptable. You look well- quite well"
"Thank you, my love".
He bent down and kissed the top of his wife's head before helping her to her feet.
"Truly, my darling, I do not know what I would do without you- what we would do without you. I love you".
"Shh" Jane said, rubbing the back of his neck, "Promise me something"
"Anything"
"Promise me that you will not be too tired at the end of the night to come back up here and lay with me and discuss your night"
"I do not think it is me that we have to worry about, but I do promise you".
Jane smiled in acknowledgement of the truth of his statement before tucking a curl behind her ear.
"Come".