Hello all,
This chapter turned out to be over over 8,000 words before editing, so once again I've split a very long chapter into two. So hard to know when to stop and start at times.
The next chapter is a bit of an experiment. It is from Edward's point of view, which I thought may be interesting. I think a lot as the author of this story about what Edward is thinking and feeling, though I very rarely get to put it down into text, so I wanted to try. I hope that you enjoy it, and I hope that you feel the story is fuller hearing both from Jane and Edward's perspectives. If you do enjoy it, I will continue to do it from time to time in the future, so please let me know!
Much, much love to you. I hope you are all staying happy, healthy and safe.
xoxo
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Once Adele's dress had been sorted out, they went back downstairs to the sitting room where everyone was still cheerfully conversing. Everyone besides Edward, that is, who had apparently gone back upstairs to put their sleeping son in his crib.
Feeling it was time to relieve Mary of her generosity toward's Lady Denver, Jane sat down with the old woman so that Mary was free to join Diana and Franklin who were still privately conversing on the other side of the room. Lady Denver watched attentively as Jane got another cup of tea, asking Leah briefly about her sister before thanking her and turning back to her companion. Lady Denver's eyes were piercing and serious, though her voice was not.
"Did you have any hesitations in taking her on?" she asked quickly, gesturing to Adele who was close but out of earshot.
"No" Jane responded quickly, "Not even for a moment".
"Why? She is not yours"
"She is not, but that did not matter to me. Children should never be blamed for their parent's faults, and Adele is merely a child. I have much affection for her".
"It is a somewhat unconventional situation" Lady Denver continued, "She does not consider Mr Rochester her father, nor you her mother, but she carries the Rochester name. Why is that?"
"Because my husband asked her if she wished to have it" Jane responded simply. She paused thoughtfully before continuing, thinking of the best way to phrase their unique situation.
"Adele knew her mother as a young girl, so it would be unfair for me to ask her to refer to me as her mother unless she wanted to. Edward is also not her father, though we both love her in the way parents love a child and so she is worthy of carrying our name".
Lady Denver continued to stare at Jane,
"I appreciate the straightforward way your husband and yourself deal with your lives. It is so refreshing to see from afar, though truthfully I should want nothing to do with such a thing myself".
Jane smiled,
"Well, loving someone is not a burden as far as I am concerned. It is a joy, and I am lucky enough to have another person in my life whom I love".
"And I see you have an affection for your friends here"
"Of course" Jane responded, "In different ways for them all"
"Was it a concern of yours that your husband would not be as fond of your friends as you are?"
"Well, my husband and I are similar. We value the same traits in people, so it is likely that we will like and dislike the same people. In truth, though, I did not bring many friendships into my marriage. Diana and Mary are my cousins, of course, but he took to them instantly. When he met them Diana was not yet married, so we met the Captain at the same time. Eshton is my husband's long time friend but he had married Anne in the brief period they were not conversing, so we met her at the same time as well"
"Did they have a falling out?" Lady Denver asked flatly.
"No. Simply the result of changing circumstance and proximity"
At that moment Jane saw her husband reenter the room. He winked at her so subtly that it was almost undetectable. She smiled at him in a far less subtle way, however- incapable of being anything less than honest with him about his feelings. He joined Georgiana and her husband.
"I reflect much on my friends" Jane continued, looking back to Lady Denver as she spoke, "You know that because of the circumstances of my childhood I did not have friends for much of my life. Now that I do, I reflect that I am exceptionally lucky to hold genuine affection for them all, to trust them wholeheartedly, and to feel relaxed in their presence. I am aware that such is the natural path friendship is meant to take, though I do believe few people have friends who act in such a way".
"You are probably right. Many people adopt friends which are either pre-approved by their families or they enjoy the company of people who create scandal and drag reputations in their wake".
"I fear I have not spent much time around such people, though I certainly would if I was exposed to more society. Did you spend much of your life with friends?"
"What a preposterous thing to ask. Of course I had friends" she snapped.
"I did not mean to offend by asking if you had friends, only if you were able to spend your life with them".
She looked perplexed for a moment and then lines of her face softened as she seemed to understand the question.
"No" she responded gruffly, hardening instantly. "My husband did not think it was appropriate for me to have friendships. It gave me too much contentment, and too much of my own mind. Besides, back then women only served their husband in the home. Anything else, even a walk, could be seen as an act of over ambition. Not that it really mattered in my case, anyways. They all died in childbirth".
Jane's stomach turned uncomfortably.
"Well, not all. The only two good friends I ever had, though. Both within a year of each other. I did not bother befriending anyone after that. I have learned the hard way that tragedy follows wherever you place your heart"
"So, then what can one do?"
Jane was half expecting an answer which contradicted her previous remark- a statement which said that in spite of the pain it is necessary to feel love in your heart. She did not, however, say any such thing. Her comment had been serious and well reflected on.
"Keep a conscious distance from people. One in which you can appreciate them, even like them, but your feelings are never outside of your control. You probably do not feel this way right now, Ms Rochester, for you are young and have everything. But you will. One day it will hit you when you are all alone. You will realise that loving the people in your life exposed your heart to pain, and there is only so many times a heart can break before the pieces will not come together again".
"I do not blame you for holding such views" Jane began slowly and compassionately, "When Edward and I were separated for a year I knew that my heart would never fully heal. I knew it would eventually come together- that the pieces would fit, but I also knew that what held the pieces together was frail and fragile, and that with the simplest gust of wind, or the slightest shake, everything would crumble apart again. So I allowed for my heart to remain broken, and because of this I did not feel a pressure to heal it. A space within myself opened for other things to exist and such made my heartbreak worth living through. Still, there were many moments I wished I had never loved him, that he had been terrible, or terrifying, or any other number of things which would have made him impossible to love, but he was not. I realised that if I denied myself the opportunity to love, I denied myself the opportunity to experience all of the most profound human feelings"
Jane looked away, gathering fresh courage before looking back at the woman before her.
"It is never too late to allow your heart to open"
Lady Denver's mouth trembled, and Jane thought she detected the smallest tear brimming in her eyes before it was gone, replaced with a thoughtful look, the origins of which went unexplained to Jane for a long time.
. . .
While the others played some casual songs in the living room, Jane and Edward went to speak to their servants who were preparing for the large Christmas feast ahead. When they descended into the kitchens everyone rounded the corners and jammed themselves into the kitchen to to listen. Edward spoke clearly so all the most elderly servants in the back could hear.
"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for taking the time to come here. I know you are all rather busy, but my wife and I wanted to express our thanks, and to tell you that your hard work does not go unnoticed. We are very grateful for all of your service, not only today, but every day of the year. We are lucky to have such dedicated and talented people working in our home. As a small token of our appreciation we would like to grant every person an extra two pounds note for Christmas which, if you so wish, you can obtain from me now in the library or it will otherwise be attached to your next wage payment. It is only a small measure of our thanks. Merry Christmas to you all"
"Yes" Jane agreed, "Thank you very much, and Merry Christmas to all of you and your families. As soon as the serving at dinner is finished for the night everyone is quite free for the rest of the evening".
Everyone shook hands with the Rochester's as they passed out of the room, many going to obtain their additional wages upstairs in the library straight away. Edward and Jane had discussed giving this money so that anyone with children could make sure they would have a full and happy Christmas. Unlike so many other servants, Mr Rochester never would have allowed for someone not to have enough food or shelter. He was constantly asking in his unimposing, non-judgemental way if people had all they needed. If they did not, he was quick to set it right. Because of this decency, his servants were very fond of him and served him well.
One of the young scullery maids passed Jane, curtsying quickly. She looked as if she would burst at the seams,
"I have no one to share me two pound with" she said lowly, "I should like to invest in some curling pins, for me hair"
Jane smiled brightly,
"Will you promise to show me what your hair looks like when it is curled?"
"Oh yes miss. Of course"
She smiled in thanks again before moving back over to her pot of Christmas sauce. Jane bit back a grin and looked to the next person in front of her, bowing his appreciation.
. . .
While she was dressing for dinner, Jane found that one part of the afternoon still lingered on her mind. She was trying to do up her pearls at the back of her neck but struggling to do so, not being present enough to concentrate. Edward, who was moving around the room looking for his waistcoat, stopped when he saw the thoughtful look on his wife's face.
"What is it?"
"Nothing of consequence"
"I should still like to know, if you will tell me".
"It is foolish and irrational"
"Then I must hear it" he objected, "You intrigue me, for you are never either of those things".
Jane smiled at him in her glass before turning to face him,
"Could you help me, please?"
He dropped his hands from buttoning his waistcoat and walked over to his wife, taking the necklace from her and putting them around her neck.
"We have spoken about this before, but standing in the kitchens today I just felt for a moment that I did not belong there. Sometimes I feel so much like a fraud in front of the servants. Rationally I recognise that I am mistress of this house, and that they are employed to serve our family, but I find it difficult to accept that such is my life. I was always comfortable as a servant, assuming it was to be my forever fate. If someone told me that tomorrow I must go down into the kitchens and help prepare dinner I should find it the most natural thing in the world and do so without question. So standing in front of them, giving them extra money when I have as little money as they do, being seen as superior to them only in rank, feels very strange. And then, after all of that, I feel guilty for not being appreciative of my rank and position".
Succeeding in doing up the pearls, Edward dropped his hands and looked seriously at his wife,
"I do not want you to be uncomfortable in our home, love, and yet I understand your feelings. Still, the truth is that people need money, and if not in this home they would find it in another. At the very least here we do our best to care for everyone, to see to their needs and comfort. I know all too well that many homes are unfair, cruel places. I have always tried to uphold staffs dignity by granting them as much autonomy as I could manage, and such is also true here. You perhaps do not realise, for you have never lived in a house I did not also live in, but in the majority of homes the staff is required to ask if they are permitted to eat, sleep, or leave the house. I never could handle that- it is belittling and demeaning. But as it currently stands I see you have made great improvements in being mistress of a house. You are much more comfortable than the newly married wife who was sneaking around in the early morning trying to help with the laundry"
Jane felt her cheeks blush.
"That is besides the point, Mr Rochester. I do feel more settled, however".
"Then do not feel bad. Your kindness is invaluable to our servants. They do not need a friend in you, nor a sympathetic fellow servant. They need a fair mistress. As it is they trust you, and have no reservations in coming to you for assistance. I am sure that such means more to them than you know".
"You are right, of course" Jane nodded, looking back to her reflection in the glass. Her eye caught sight of her husbands hair and she turned on him again.
"Here, sit. I will try and work with your hair. I meant to cut this today. There is just so little time in a day".
He smiled, handing his wife the comb sitting in front of him,
"It is Christmas. It does not matter".
"No, I suppose not. Though I still do not want you with hair down in front of your eyes so you are constantly pushing it back".
Jane combed through his curls, careful as possible not to pull them. Still, some tangles called for rougher brush work. As she moved through them she smoothed the curls back into place as she went.
"You know, I asked Adele if she wished to sit with the adults at the table tonight and she said no. Is that not odd for her?"
"No, I do not think so. She answered such because it would be too strange for her"
"Strange?"
"Mmm" Jane said, working with a particularly tangled curl. "She is comfortable with us, of course. But she is less comfortable with the other guests. She is only a child, and sitting with adults is intimidating because she does not understand their conversation or turns of phrase. There is no worse feeling than feeling inferior to those you are with, and in her case it would be through no fault of her own- only that she is young and inexperienced".
"Compared to you, of course, who is very experienced" he said slyly, grinning at his wife.
She looked at him before letting the smallest grin move over her face.
"One day she will be married too, you know. You shall cease to find such comparisons amusing then".
"I was only passing comment on the fact that when I met you, you were just as inexperienced as her. And now, my darling, you are anything but".
"Such is all your doing" she said, pulling the comb momentarily a little rougher than normal. He noticed and laughed.
"Yes, and very proudly so".
"There. You are decent"
"Besides" he said, standing up and kissing his wife in thanks, "It will be a long dinner for her. She is so full of energy lately. She hardly likes to sit still for five minutes when there are other things she could be doing. When I found her today she was practising her drawing for her return to school- she used to hate drawing!".
"Her friend Anna has an interest in it, and so now she does as well".
"Of course" he said "That is what does it to young people- a friend with the same interest"
"I am glad she has made a friend, and a seemingly good one. Helen was the only person in the world who took any notice of me at that age. Even though she died, her imprint of friendship did not leave me. Adele is not in the same situation as I was, but a friend can be very important".
"Of course. I am glad she has made one too. I still feel guilty over that-" he stopped himself angrily. "That school I sent her to".
Jane touched his arm,
"It was not your fault. I would have thought of the same place, for its reputation was so overwhelmingly positive. But in the end her spirits were not pertinently dampened from it, nor was her enthusiasm dimmed. She is very happy where she is now".
"Mmm" he said, kissing his wife's forehead and rubbing her shoulder before stepping away to finish dressing himself.
Within another few minutes they were both ready to go downstairs for supper. Edward took his wife on his arm and spoke lowly in her ear as they advanced down the hall.
"You look lovely, Jane. I do not say such to flatter you. You have such a glow tonight".
"Thank you" she said appreciatively, letting herself internalise his kind words. In truth she felt it because she was happy and herself.
He opened his mouth to speak but then a door in front of them opened suddenly. Mary stepped out of her room, also dressed for dinner and looking in a rush to make it downstairs. Edward bowed to her, extending his free arm to her in his unfaltering and unfailing gentlemen way.
"Good evening Ms Rivers, shall you accompany us?"
"Good evening Mr Rochester, Jane".
She took his arm appreciatively and continued to walk with them downstairs, speaking about Daniel and her healthy appetite. Before long they entered the dining room where the others, apart from Georgiana and the Baron, were waiting.
"Good evening to you all" Edward said confidently as head of the home
"Good evening" was the general, happy reply.
"I believe I heard the Hogwoods on our way down over the steps, so we should not be waiting-".
But it was only another moment before everyone heard them. Georgiana was speaking in what she perhaps assumed was a hushed voice, but its sharpness in tone carried her voice all the way down the hallway and into the dining room.
"You could at least compliment me from time to time on your own accord. I am your wife- it is my job to look well on your arm. If you do not tell me, how am I to know if you do?"
"You know my little angel that you are. You do have eyes, after all"
The group looked around at one another quickly before glancing at the floor and wishing they could not hear the awkward conversation. Everyone busied themselves instantly when Georgiana rounded the corner, looking flushed but then instantly better as she saw those before her.
"Goodness! I am hungry!"
"Shall we sit then?"
. . .
Everyone sat down in their places which had been adjusted based on the additions made to the party. Jane sat at one end of the table and her husband sat at the other, something that was not typical for them but necessary to keep the peace between the more difficult members of the party. Edward had seated Lady Denver at his right hand side and Mary sat at his left. Mary needed encouragement speaking in a large group and Lady Denver needed to be tempered, and because Edward was the most easy conversationalist it was almost a natural occurrence when he was around. Next to Lady Denver was Anne and then Mr Eshton. Beside Eshton was Captain Franklin at Jane's right. On the opposite side of the table Georgiana sat next to Mary and then the Baron beside his wife. Diana sat on Jane's left.
The first course was carried out and laid before everyone on the table. People began to talk amongst one another, at first speaking to the whole table. But as dinner progressed it was easier to speak to the individuals closest at the long table.
"So" Jane said to Diana lowly, the others wrapped up in their own private conversations "What do you think of Christmas here this year?"
"It is different, to be sure" she said, sharing a grin with Jane that contained many unsaid words inside of it. "But I like it. You know how quiet our lives are normally, it is very nice to have a change".
"But at least now you have Mary with you, and Daniel to break up an otherwise lonely day?"
"Yes, quite. You know about my hesitations at first, but she has proved to be absolutely necessary to me as a companion during the days".
Franklin suddenly looked over from the other side of the table and Diana smiled brightly.
"Tell Jane your news" she urged
"What news?" he asked, but with a look from Diana he rolled his eyes.
"It is not really news, Ms Rochester. And I have not accepted yet, but I was offered a Naval post in Dover".
"Congratulations! You are very deserving of it, to be sure. But Dover is rather far, is it not?"
"It is, but I must say it is a wonderful opportunity with the Admiral. It would be a six to eight month post, which means I would be gone half of the year, or a little more. To be honest, my only hesitation is that I would be leaving Diana behind for so long, and Mary also. The thoughts of them being without the protection of a man makes me uneasy".
"Could you not all go together?"
"No, there would be no point. I will be on the sea".
"And do you think you will accept?"
"I want to. As I said, leaving Diana is my only hesitation, but at the same time she knows she married a sea captain. My job is to be on the sea"
Jane looked to Diana who was still smiling,
"I keep entreating him to accept" she said, "I can survive for half a year. I told him that you and Mr Rochester were not so very far away if we needed help"
"Well, far enough away to not be able to prevent or help certain things" he said seriously. "I am still weighing my options".
Jane nodded,
"It is certainly flattering, whatever you choose"
"It is, and I assure you it was quite unexpected. Another reason for me taking the post now is that we have no children to consider. If we did, such a thing would be impossible, but as things stand it may be a great opportunity for me to have one final trip at sea before our family starts"
"That is exactly what I thought" Diana said, almost with relief.
"It does make things easier" Jane said said, "Your timing is very lucky. If you do take the post surely you will be better prepared for a child afterwards".
Diana nodded at her husband, and Jane couldn't help but feel that she perhaps did want her husband to go. She loved him, and there was no doubt about that, but him being gone took the pressure off of her to conceive. And no matter how much he assured her he was not expecting a child at present, every moment she was not with child was more time for him to worry she never would be. With him being gone, she would have a break from the worry he was not being completely honest with her.
"And what would this new post entail?" Jane asked the Captain curiously, genuinely wondering what was such a draw to Dover.
As he explained what his new duties would be Eshton turned to look at his friend. He asked him what he was talking about and Franklin had to back track and explain again about his new potential post. As he did so, the two became distracted in their own conversation and Franklin forgot Jane's question. So, she turned back to Diana who sighed.
"I know that neither you or Edward have plans for another child right now, but do you have plans for anything else in the new year?"
"Not anything immediately pressing. There are a few things within our staff, however, that we wish to see to. You perhaps saw for yourself, but we noticed last year that John began to show signs of his age. He is not as fast as he once was, nor does he have the same energy. We wished to offer him and Leah a retirement at the small cottage at the edge of the property. Leah, of course, would be able to keep her position as housekeeper as long as she liked, but at least John would have a break. Well, when Edward spoke to him about it, however, he flatly refused, saying he wished to serve here as long as he was able".
"And does his slowness bother you? Is that why you wished him to retire?"
"No, not at all. We have no need for speed in this house and in truth he is able enough, but Edward does not want to see him running a large house until he collapses under the work load. We have done as much as possible to lighten his work, but you see he notices an increase in jobs amongst his staff, and we do not wish to hurt his feelings. It is a rather delicate situation".
"I see" Diana said thoughtfully, "Well, perhaps if you find no problem with his work you should continue to let him do it. He is likely happier downstairs than he would be in any cottage of his own. He has known no other way".
"I know" Jane said, "And so does Edward, though it is hard he will not accept the rest and ease he has earned one hundred times over through his service"
Diana chuckled,
"Well, people can be rather stubborn. Sometimes it is best to let them remain set in their ways, especially at his age".
After this the first course was cleared away and the main brought out. There was a selection of food to be had, and Jane found herself to be rather hungry. She ate well, thinking her staff had truly outdone themselves for the large number of guests here. She hoped they were downstairs enjoying their own Christmas dinner.
Diana, who had been speaking to Jane throughout the dinner, laid down her fork suddenly and looked at her cousin as if remembering she had something important to share.
"Have you spoken to Anne yet about who has moved into the neighbourhood?"
"No, I have not. Who is it?"
"A Mister and Misses Price whom have just arrived from Derbyshire"
"Indeed? And do you know anything of their situation".
"It is a rather strange one, from what Anne has said. Ms Price was once Francis Miller of the rather prominent family in the area. She was not described as a beauty and she supposedly lacks original thought, though she is said to be talented enough. Some years back, when she was a young woman, she was quite interested in a young man named Alexander Rogers who was a long time family friend and rather special friend to her. They grew up together and formed an attachment that both mistook for friendship. Even when suitors came in later years they maintained they possessed only friendship for one another. Ms Miller became the object of a Mr William Price's affection one summer when she was one and twenty. By this time, Rogers was considered to be engaged to Miss Stone who was a great beauty and widely favoured by all who knew her. Though an engagement was not made official it was widely assumed to be inevitable as they spent all of their time together, day and night. Ms Miller went away for the season, as many said she could not endure the sight of Rogers, who she was by this time in love with, with another woman. Mr Price, then, followed her all the way to the seaside where she was staying with relatives and proposed marriage. She in her youth and heartbreak accepted quickly, and the announcement was sent out quickly. Rogers, who apparently had plans of calling off his engagement on account of being in love with Ms. Miller heard the news and immediately proposed to Ms Stone . Both couples were married rather quickly before an understanding between them could be met. It was only after their sacraments that the truth was expressed between them. Mr Rogers moved far away with his new bride, and the new Ms Price was said to have sunk into rather a grim place. If she was quiet and reserved before, she was now utterly hopeless. Her husband is rumoured to be a scoundrel who leaves often to go to town for less than pure reasons. I hear she does not care much, only she grieves for the loss of her true love. She is now only six and twenty, far too young for such heartbreak".
Jane shook her head,
"It is a truly tragic story, if all you say is true. Poor Ms Price. Poor Mr Rogers. How truly horrible".
"I know" Diana said grimly, "It has been said that her husband moved her here to get her away from old memories and ghosts, though you and I both know that it is not so easy to remove heartbreak from the soul"
"No" Jane said truthfully, glancing up at her husband, "Not for a moment".
. . .
After dinner there was a long game of cards in the sitting room, a group game of charades, and then some conversation before the night was considered to be over. Jane, in her shyness, disliked every moment of charades. Thankfully her husband was on the opposing team, and as he sometimes had the uncanny ability to read her mind, she was never in front of the group for long before he called out her word to the room and received many applause for his always correct answer.
When the evening had ended, and the Rochester's had wished all of their guests goodnight, Jane could not wait to get into bed and fall asleep. It had been a busy day, and one which was tiring in the best possible way. After thanking the servants for all their hard work, and wishing them all a Merry Christmas again, Jane turned on her husband.
"Edward, I need to go to bed"
"I know, so do I. I think I am becoming an old man, my darling. I cannot keep up with your youthful energy anymore"
"Nonsense. It does not help that we were both up rather late, and then up rather early"
"Well I cannot much regret the reasons for that" he said, grinning boyishly at his wife, "And I suppose it is true that I matched your energy in that respect".
Jane only smiled, long since learning that she would never correct her husbands undisciplined ways now.
"We just have to check on Henry and then-"
"No, I will check on him. You put him back to bed not long ago. I shall join you in bed right after".
"Very well" she nodded, kissing his cheek before walking just past the nursery into their own bedroom.
Jane got out of her dress quickly, undoing her hair from its more than usually elaborately tied braids before brushing out her curls. She got into bed and lay down, regretting briefly the coolness of the sheets she rested in. She closed her eyes, waiting for the sound of the bedroom door opening, but she was asleep well before hearing any such noise.
