Hello all!
I am working hard to get these chapters out as soon as possible!
I hope you enjoy. I just love writing these characters.
All my love, and thank you for all your loving support which keeps me writing.
xoxox
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The next morning Jane woke earlier than she expected, especially given how late she and Edward had stayed up the night before, but she did not mind. As she was now perpetually tired with her pregnancy, feeling a little drowsy in the morning did not phase her. Whether or not she woke up feeling that she had had enough sleep, she knew that she would still be tempted to fall asleep on the couch in the middle of the afternoon. The thought made her smile as she shifted in bed, careful to move as little as possible so that she did not wake her husband. When she was laying on her back she rubbed her baby bump slowly, hoping that her baby could feel or sense it and that they would know that they were already so loved.
Jane did not notice at first, for her mind was absorbed and he was very still, but when she turned and looked up at Edward she saw that he was watching her.
"Oh, good morning" she smiled, pleased but surprised to find him awake.
"Good morning" he replied, bending to kiss her forehead and lingering a moment before drawing back.
"You are up very early"
"Especially by my standards" he agreed, "But I could not fall back asleep once I woke up"
"Is everything alright?"
"Now it is" he answered easily, "Come here"
"I am not sure I can"
Edward grinned as Jane slowly and awkwardly climbed up on her knees but then he lifted her rather easily, causing an exclamation of surprise as she landed lightly in his lap.
"There," he said, "Comfortable?"
"Yes" she replied, ''-Wait"
Taking his hands, she placed them under her bump so that he was supporting the weight of the baby before laying back and sighing.
"There. Now I am quite comfortable"
"You should be proud of me, Jane. Do you know how hard it was for me to lay awake beside you without waking you up?"
Jane rolled her eyes,
"Sweetheart, I do that every single morning"
"Listen," Edward said, squeezing his wife and kissing her cheek, "No, no, don't laugh. It is different for us men. You looked irresistible lying there- almost too irrestiable".
"Edward" Jane responded slowly and seriously, "If you had woken me up from the very small amount of sleep I get, I cannot answer for what I would have done to you"
"Well now I am curious"
Jane felt his lips brush her cheek lightly but paused as she heard a banging sound and then hushed whispers through the wall.
"What is that?"
"Franklin" Edward replied in a tone that Jane did not quite understand. "He and Diana have been arguing"
Jane looked at her husband, suddenly serious.
"But he is in there banging Edward- should you go and talk to him?"
"Oh.. no," he said, a sideways grin moving over his face, "It isn't anything like that"
Jane furrowed her brow at him before hearing a sound which could not be mistaken for anything else, and suddenly the banging sound hitting against the wall had a very characteristic rhythm.
"Edward, are they-"
"Mhm. I thought they had finished, but apparently not"
She smacked his arm lightly,
"Have you just been sitting here listening to them?"
"Well, I cannot help it, Jane! It is their fault I am awake in the first place. I'm surprised it did not wake you as well"
Jane could not help the blush which flushed her cheeks as a particularly loud sound came from the room beside them. When a certain thought crossed her mind she gripped her husband's arm quickly.
"Do you think they heard us last night?"
"No, of course not. I am very good at making you quiet when you need to be"
The wink which followed made Jane smile in spite of herself, but she could not block out the noise coming from next door. It was not until several minutes later when all fell silent, and Jane was sure that they were indeed finished, that she lifted her head off her husband's chest to ask a question.
"Did you say that they were fighting?"
"Mmm, they were. Franklin wants a child. It did not bother him so much before, but it is beginning to weigh on him now"
"Was he blaming Diana?"
"No. I believe they are both just frustrated and fighting as couples often do when they feel they have nowhere to turn"
Jane chewed her lip in thought before turning around completely to face her husband, helped by him as she did so.
"What is it, sweetheart?" he asked, running his thumb along her jaw.
"I know that we had Henry and that we have another baby on the way. I know that Mary had Daniel, and now Anne has Matilda, but Diana and her husband have not even been married a year. Comparisons can be very painful, and they have so much time to have a child. They need not feel so dejected"
Edward kissed his wife's hair,
"Well, you know better than I that women are told from a young age they are made to be wives and mothers. It must be very difficult to not be able to have the thing that you are told from birth creates your worth"
Jane nodded,
"And I do think it is much harder for women to conceive when they are under stress and pressure to do so. I have seen women who struggle to become pregnant go many years without children, but it is when they give up hope and stop actively trying that they find themselves with child. There is hope for that too. Then again, many women simply cannot have children, and time may tell us that Diana is one of them".
"But there are many ways to mother. Look at how you are a mother to Adele"
Jane felt a flush of warmth at his words and kissed his hand intertwined with hers.
"I miss her a lot"
"I know, but she has not been back at school very long from Christmas. We will see her again in the spring"
Jane nodded before seeing her husband's face turn more thoughtful.
"I have a question for you that I was thinking of while laying here awake"
"Yes sir?"
He narrowed his eyes in disapproval before continuing.
"How is it for you when we lay together during this pregnancy?"
"Am I not being clear enough with you, Mr Rochester?"
"I certainly do not need to ask you if you enjoy yourself. But I do need to ask you if you are comfortable. I just remember how much discomfort you experienced around this time when you were pregnant with Henry"
She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him in thanks, feeling his warm hands along her back before they enveloped her.
"I am never fully comfortable at present, but being with you is the most natural and easy thing in the world for me. Because of that I will always tell you if something does not feel right".
When their son's cries broke the air, Edward, somewhat reluctantly, got out of bed, pulled on his nightshirt, and left the room to go and get Henry.
. . . . .
After a somewhat quiet and awkward breakfast where Diana and the Captain acted rather sheepish and Mary did not seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, the group departed for home. They would have stayed for longer, but Mary was eager to return to her son and the Captain was expecting company in the form of one of the Captains from his fleet. While waving goodbye to her family on the front steps, Jane could not help uttering a silent prayer for her cousin- not just for her to become pregnant, or for God to grant them a child, but for her to be content in whatever she was, or was not granted in life. Remembering the time in her life where she was forced to accept a life without the man she loved, Jane prayed that Diana would be able to do the same if she had to. She prayed she would find the strength to accept difficulty without succumbing to it.
The rest of the morning was rather quiet until, while Jane was changing her son, Jenny entered the room.
"Good afternoon"
"Afternoon Miss. I am just to tell you that a Ms Porter is arrived downstairs for a Miss Eyre"
Jane turned, apparently looking confused for Jenny added,
"She said she knew you, Miss, but she is only just arrived. I can send her away?"
"No, that is alright, Jenny. I just do not know who it could be. Her name does not sound familiar to me. Please tell her I shall be down in a moment"
Jenny turned on the spot and left, and Jane continued cleaning her son's diaper. She mulled over the visitor in her mind, as confused by the name as the thought that a stranger would be coming to see her- she who had nothing more than a handful of people in the world who cared for her. As she lifted her son off the changing table, however, a flash of realization moved through her. Taking her son in her arms, she hurried down the stairs and into the sitting room where she saw a woman she had not spoken to for over five years.
Ms Temple, Jane's old teacher, and companion stood before her at once the same and changed from the woman she had once known. She was still a small and slight woman but she now had a fuller and more appealing figure, no doubt the result of being fed a diet far better than what they had been supplied at Lowood, even as teachers. Her hair had been a more vivid blonde the last time they had spoken, though it was pulled back elegantly in a low bun Jane had not seen her wear before which flattered her soft face. Apart from slightly more defined lines around her eyes and mouth, she was much the same as she had always been. A warm smile moved over her face the instant she saw her old student, and Jane advanced without hesitation, meeting her in an embrace.
"Ms Temple" she gasped, her voice weakened by the surprise of seeing her, "I cannot believe it is you".
She pulled back to look at Jane, an evident pride emanating from her.
"My goodness. You are quite a grown woman now. No longer the Jane Eyre I once knew"
"I assure you we are still the same, but I have a little more wisdom now than I once had"
"And a few more life experiences behind you," she said, looking to the baby in Jane's arms.
"Oh, this is my son, Henry".
"Hello Henry" she said happily, "May I hold him?"
"Of course you can"
She took him in her arms and bounced him for a few moments before turning back to his mother.
"He is absolutely beautiful"
Jane beamed,
"He is the greatest gift I have ever known".
She sighed, looking back to Henry.
"It is clear that we have much to share with one another"
Jane nodded, cradling her stomach.
"Please, will you sit? I shall ring for some tea and then we can talk for as long as you like".
. . .
While Jane arranged for tea, Ms Temple, or rather Ms Porter, kept Henry very content. He giggled and cooed in her lap, and she was as natural with him as if he had been her own child. When the tray eventually arrived, Jane served herself and her guest, remembering with ease the way that her former teacher took her tea. Handing her over a cup, Ms Temple remarked on such.
"My goodness, how many nights did we share tea together in my little room in Lowood School?"
"Oh, too many to name I dare say"
She smiled,
"From the time you were a little girl you always did enjoy your tea"
"I did. Apart from you, it was one of the only comforting things in all of Lowood"
Ms Temple looked at her meaningfully, and Jane could see some feeling shifting behind her eyes. She pushed her lips together before opening them slowly.
"I must admit when I went in search of you I never expected to find you so well settled. I can see you are very happy, and that is more than I ever could have wished for".
Jane laid her teacup onto her saucer, and the gratitude she felt towards her old teacher's kindness compelled her to speak more seriously than they had been conversing.
"I never could have imagined I would be this happy in my life. I have been incredibly fortunate".
"You are married, of course?"
"I am"
"And I can tell that your husband is good to you. I've never seen you so happy as you were just now when you pronounced you are married"
Jane nodded,
"He is the very best of men"
"And how long have you two been married?"
"It will be two years in June"
"And how old is little Henry?"
"Nine months, nearly ten now"
"Goodness," she sighed, "And you have another one on the way. You have had a busy first few years of marriage"
"I believe I have" Jane smiled, "But what of you? How is your Mr Porter?"
"Oh Jane" she said, now looking guilty, "I regret you never met him before we married. I wished I had asked him up to Lowood one day so you could have talked with him. I am sure you two would get on very well. He has been the most faithful and devoted husband. I could not have received better"
"I never could have parted with you had it been to anyone less worthy. I was always glad you had found someone who appreciated you as much as I did".
She smiled appreciatively as Jane turned her head curiously.
"How is it that you have come to find me, Ms Temple? Seeing you is such an unexpected surprise, I can hardly believe you are truly here"
"Well, it was rather a set of happy accidents. Several months ago I visited Lowood school when my husband and I traveled through the county. You will be happy to know that it is a much more humane and satisfactory place than when you and I were there. I was quite pleased to see it full of flourishing students. I was not there long, but before I left, I visited the little graveyard in that meadow just beyond the gates where so many of my pupils were placed during that horrible fever, and I saw that dear Helen had her own headstone. I was moved, and I knew that only you or I would have thought to do such for her, so I inquired after you. The woman now in charge of the school only knew you from reputation, so she could tell me nothing of you. Ms Terknell, who of course was there when we both worked as teachers, informed me that you had left the school some years ago and traveled far in order to be a governess in -shire, but she could tell me nothing more. I felt quite dejected, for I knew the salary of a governess could not pay for such a beautiful memorial. So I left, sure that I would not find you without God's aid. We continued our trip and traveled down the country, for you see my husband's mother was not well and we planned to spend some time with her in her final sickness. For several months we remained with her, but she passed away just before Christmas. To settle her affairs took several months, and so we only began our journey home some few weeks ago. As we traveled, we moved through a town called Morton where we met a school teacher who I now know filled your post. I must admit, when we stopped by the school I could see your personal touch in everything in that little room and was sure you were the Miss Elliot of whom everyone spoke so highly of. I was then told of your cousins being from Morton, and a man there knew Ms Diana Franklin's address. I wrote to her, asking what had become of you, and she gave me this address though little more information. Indeed, I assumed you were governess to a ward here, though I can see you are not".
Jane shook her head,
"Indeed I am not"
"Then please, tell me all that has happened since we saw each other last. I must admit I am bursting with curiosity".
Jane told her former teacher everything. She told of the final months she spent in Lowood craving a change of pace and scenery, her posting at Thornfield Hall, the joys of being governess to Adele, meeting Mr Rochester, his great kindness to her as a servant, and the slow love which built inside of her over the year she spent in that old house. When it came time to describe her first engagement she only said there had been a misunderstanding- that her husband's first wife had been very ill for a long time and although they had never lived emotionally or spiritually as a married couple, another marriage was not possible. At this, her listener's face dropped,
"Jane, you must have been devastated"
"I was. I left Thornfield Hall with my heart in one million fragmented pieces. Saying goodbye to Edward was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I made the best of it and tried very hard to move on with my life by doing what was right. I became a teacher as you know and met my cousins in Morton whom have been most dear to me ever since. At the end of that year I received an offer of marriage, but I felt I could not make a decision without knowing what had become of Edward. I understood, of course, that I could never be his wife but I needed to see him before I accepted the proposal I had been offered".
"And was it a reasonable proposal? Was he a man you could seriously consider?"
Jane looked to the ceiling while thinking on her answer.
"St John was a good man. He was a man of God- very principled and very disciplined. No one ever performed their duties with more devotion than he did. I have never met his equal in determination of spirit. But though he was not a selfish man, his entire existence was dedicated to serving God only on his tems. When he asked me to marry him, he did not ask for a wife, rather a fellow missionary to go with him to India".
"Oh Jane, what a life to condemn yourself to"
"Yes, I know, but it was not only that. After having been loved by a person who filled my senses, and engaged my mind, and loved me just as I was, I could not accept such a proposal of marriage. I could not become a wife without love"
"Well then, what did you do? How did you come to be married to Mr Rochester after all?"
"I went in search of him, to know what had become of him and to know in what state he lived his life. When I did find him out I learned that Thornfield Hall had succumbed to a fire and that Edward's wife had perished in it-"
Ms Temple's hand was pulled to her chest.
"Oh dear. How tragic"
"It was. It was utterly tragic. As I have said, she was not a well woman and she did not know what she was doing. Edward tried to save her, but he could not, and he nearly died in the process himself. He was left blinded by the experience, and for the first part of our marriage I was at his side constantly, but since then he has recovered most of his sight. When I did see him again I must admit that my feelings were stronger than they were even when I was forced to leave him, and he felt much the same. We were married shortly after, moved into this home together, and have been together ever since".
Ms Temple smiled, and Jane could tell that it had nothing but warmth and happiness behind it.
"Tell me of him. I would love to know who won your heart, independent and strong-willed as you are".
"Well", Jane began slowly, "Edward is difficult to describe, for he is unlike any person I have ever known. He is so feeling and so intelligent. I sit for hours at his side just listening to him. He is endlessly fascinating. He seems to know something about everything, but he never uses his intelligence against others. He never makes others feel less than by speaking above what they know. He meets everyone where they are, connecting with them on a genuine level because he is so interested by everything in life. And he has such a power of influence, such a warmth and confidance which draws people to him. He has a strong sense of right and wrong which guides him daily, and as a result, he is incapable of seeing other people from different walks of life as different from himself. He is funny too, and wickedly so at times. Most of all he is the most wonderful father. I have heard stories of men not speaking to their sons until they are old enough to be reared in sports, or schooling, or horseriding, yet I have never experienced such myself. Many days I must wrestle Henry away from Edward, for he devotes all his time to him and wishes to be involved in every aspect of his life".
"And look at all you have built together, the life you have created for one another"
Jane looked around the sitting room that she was so fond of and smiled,
"In spite of all I have, in spite of all of this we are surrounded by, Edward is my home. If all of this were to vanish tomorrow but I still had him, then I would have everything".
"You have always been deserving of the very best this world has to offer, Jane. After so much suffering was inflicted upon you, and after so much hardship colored your life, you deserved more than anyone else to be gifted a better life from God. I was so worried that I would not find that such had come to be for you. I had already been feeling so guilty that my own happiness had been so gratified".
Jane felt her heart sink at the tears which were almost filling Ms Temple's eyes.
"My only ambition in life was to save enough to have my own little school one day with a cottage attached for me to live in. I believe, even had it taken a long time, I would have achieved such, and then you would have found me quite satisfied. I never would have known that this kind of contentment existed, and so I would have been none the wiser that there was much I was not experiencing".
Ms Temple laughed a little,
"You always were positive, Jane. I believe I would have found you content wherever you were, or at least you would have been making the best of it and you would have felt gratified in trying to be better each day".
Jane grinned,
"I would like to think so"
At that moment, Jane heard the confidant footsteps of her husband approaching the sitting room and looked up to see him as he rounded the corner. His own head was bent, observing at papers in his hand.
"Jane, sweetheart, could you help me-"
Looking up, Edward stopped when he saw the stranger in the room.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I did not know that we had company"
"No, it's quite alright. Come here a moment. I would like you to meet Ms Temple, well, Ms Porter now. This is my husband, Edward"
Realizing who she was, he advanced. She stood, passing Henry back to Jane, and curtsied in response to his bow.
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Ms Porter. I am glad I can finally make the aquaintance of the woman who my wife looks up to so much".
"It is very good to meet you too, Mr Rochester. Your wife has just been telling me all about you"
"Goodness, that is quite a dangerous thing for a husband to hear".
But Jane only grinned at him before turning back to Ms Temple,
"I assure you it is not in your case".
Edward smiled knowingly, placing his hands behind his back.
"And I hope that your journey here was pleasant?"
"Yes, thank you. It was quite comfortable. My husband and I are traveling back North after spending some time with his mother but I could not leave this part of the country without seeing Jane once I knew it was where she lived".
"Where is it you were staying with your mother-in-law?"
"Portsmith, in Hampshire".
"Oh, that is a beautiful part of the country, though a long way from your home. You have been traveling for quite some time, I daresay".
"It is very beautiful indeed, though as you say it is far from home and when a place is not your home it is never as beautiful, in your own mind at least"
Edward nodded,
"I could not agree more".
"Ms Porter's husband is a clerk in Yorkshire" Jane explained, "And is quite accomplished in his trade"
"Is he indeed? It is comforting, Ms Porter, to know that there are good men running the finances of this country"
She smiled,
"He works very hard to be such. Not that I know much of what he does in his day-to-day business. In truth, we never discuss his work. I would not know where to begin with trying to comprehend it".
Jane amused herself thinking over the many long afternoon's her husband had spent trying to teach her how to balance the finances of the estate. She remembered how he tried to remain as patient as possible until, realizing what a lost cause it truly was, swept her away from the desk and implored her to never ask him again to teach her. Still, a few weeks would pass, Jane would ask again, and he would try once more with no better results.
Coming back to her senses, Jane realized she had missed some of the conversations in her abstraction.
"Then you are satisfied?"
"Yes" Ms Temple half laughed, "I would say so"
Edward bowed his head,
"I am very glad to hear such. But please, I do not wish to interrupt your conversation for longer than I already have. I will leave you ladies to it and I will take Henry off your hands".
As Edward took his son out of his wife's arms, Jane looked at her companion knowingly.
"Did you say you needed my help with something when you came in here?" Jane asked,
"Nothing that cannot wait. I will see you again before you leave, Ms Porter. Until then, I'll be in my study, Jane"
Jane watched her husband leave the room with her son before turning back to Ms Temple who was smiling at her.
"He is quite charming".
Jane laughed a little,
"That he is, among other things".
"And how like him Henry is. I knew he must have been, for he looks very little like you".
"I know" Jane mused said as they both settled back down into their seats, "Perhaps this little one will look more like me"
Jane touched her stomach and for the first time, Ms Temple frowned slightly. She tried to recover quickly, but Jane had noticed.
"We lost our daughter some years ago", she explained, "I have not been pregnant since"
Jane opened her mouth slightly in surprise but she could not speak. It was difficult to put into words how sorry she was. Her old teacher smiled sadly,
"You need not say anything, Jane, for I know how you feel. It was a fever, and we could do nothing to save her in the end. It took me a very long time to feel like myself again, but now I can say that I do".
Jane reached out and rubbed her hand.
"I am so very sorry. Sorrier than I can say.
"Thank you. I have come to terms with it as much as I can. I have accepted that life is nothing more or less than a series of great gifts and great losses"
Jane nodded slowly,
"We are, I believe, made up of all the things we have lost, as well as all the things we possess. It is one of the things that makes being human so meaningful but so complicated"
Ms Temple touched her former pupil's face for only a second before dropping her hand.
"How right you are, Jane Eyre".
. . .
That night, after Jane had nursed her son and rocked him to sleep, she sat in front of the fire in her bedroom and thought over the rest of the day. Ms Temple had stayed all afternoon, eventually joined by Edward in the later part of the day, and had been invited to stay for dinner, but she confessed her visit could not be that long, even if she had very much wished it to be, for she had to return to her husband. Edward offered to accompany her back to the inn in town where she was staying, and even though she initially refused, he insisted that he would be more comfortable seeing her there safely, especially as in the winter months it darkened so early. This had set Jane at ease, yet it was not what lingered on her mind while she waited for her husband to return.
Jane had never given much consideration to how she would feel if she saw her old teacher again, for she never imagined such would happen. Her heart had always accepted that the last memory she would have of her was leaning against the stone doorway of Lowood, waving as she rode off in a carriage with her luggage strapped to the top. To meet her again, especially under these circumstances, would never have crossed Jane' mind. But now that they had seen each other again, Jane was forced to admit that had she decided what she would likely feel after seeing her again, it would not be this.
The large wooden door of her bedroom suddenly creaked and Edward stepped inside shaking water from his hair. Jane smiled at him, and he was quick to advance and kiss the top of her head.
"Thank you for doing that"
"Of course. It was not very far. I met her husband too. He was a nice man and very grateful I returned with her. He said if we are ever in Yorkshire to stop by to see them"
"Do you plan on having any business in Yorkshire in the near future?"
"No, nor in the distant future. What a dreary and grim part of this country"
Jane smiled to herself.
'I think there is something rather beautiful and wild about the landscape of the North. There is something untamed and mysterious in its features. Quite unlike anything else".
"Well, my darling, if you ever get it in your head to put your talents to use and write a novel, perhaps it can be something Gothic which takes place in the Yorkshire moors".
Jane only looked at him skeptically before turning back to the fire, listening as the wood crackled and sizzled under the flames lapping around it.
"Something is on your mind" Edward said, and it was not a question. As he sat in the seat beside his wife, now half-dressed for bed, she nodded.
"There is, but I am not sure I could put it into words, but I will try for I want your opinion"
"Go on then"
Wth some effort, Jane swung her legs over the arm of the chair so that she was facing her husband.
"I never gave much thought to seeing Ms Temple again, not after the way she and I left Lowood school so definitively. Because of this, I never considered what it would feel like to see her again. As I sit here, I find myself far less moved than I would have guessed, and far less moved than I would have been at one time. She has come and gone, and yet nothing has changed- I do not feel differently at all".
"Why did you think you would feel differently?"
"I do not know. Perhaps because I thought her approval would mean more to me than it does now. As lovely and kind as she is, I thought being able to tell her all about my life would make me feel somehow fulfilled, but I am already fulfilled and so her praise was somewhat lost on me".
"You were a different person when last you saw her" Edward explained simply, but gently, "You needed her then. You needed someone in the world to care for you, and encourage you, so you valued her approval. You do not need those things anymore because you approve of yourself".
Jane nodded slowly, vocalizing a phrase she had repeated often to herself.
"For everything, there is a season"
Edward smiled at his wife's understanding.
"You know, seeing her as an equal for the first time in my life, I realized something. You are exactly right. I needed her for guidance, and she taught me that I did have a certain power within me that no one could take away, but now that I know those things for myself, the idol-like way I saw her dissolved and I could see her person much more clearly. Perhaps that is what feels strange now, it never occurred to me that my view of her would ever change".
"Well she may have given you the encouragement and the hope for better things, Jane, but when you walked into my life you were strong and talented, and passionate, and full of spirit al on your own. You have always been your own person to me".
Jane smiled and kissed the hand that held hers.
"I realized something else today. I realized that at one time, her company was the best I had ever known because I did not have anything to compare her to. But sitting there, knowing my perspective of her had changed, I was reminded that such could never be true of you. My love for you is unconditional. Nothing earthly, or ethereal, can change how full my heart is of you".
"Mmm" Edward responded quietly, laying her hand against his cheek and turning his face to kiss it.