Hello all!
It has been so long and I am so sorry for that. The past few months have been a challenge, and while I have continued to absolutely love this story, I simply have not had much free time.
Thank you again, so much, for all of your amazing support. I love all of your correspondances, and all the times that I hear from you. As a writer, it means more than you could know.
All the very best to you all, and all my love
xoxo
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The next few days were a difficult blur of activity and uncertainty.
All of the Rochester's friends and family who were gathered in London had come over to be with Jane, and to hear for themselves about the nature of her attack. She had been right in assuming that Anne would have already told them all of what she knew, but for what she couldn't tell them, Jane filled in the details. Admittedly, though, she left some of the more painful aspects out. She did not quite want to relive them, but moreover she did not want her husband to hear the story more than he had to. As it was, he sat very quietly while everyone else gathered around, and Jane could only wonder at exactly what he was thinking. The others recognised this too, but they allowed him the quiet he wasn't usually afforded.
Eshton left the following morning to return to their own county and investigate the man who had assaulted Jane and to visit him in prison so that the next steps could be taken towards his punishment. When he had returned early that evening, however, hat in hand and looking weary, she suspected something had gone wrong. It wasn't until she had heard her husband's shouts of rage through the closed library doors, however, that she deduced that the man in question, for whatever reason, was no longer in the cell where he was expected to be. She closed her eyes against the muffled sounds, laying her teacup on the table before her as her children looked up at her.
"Is that father yelling?"
"Your father and Mr Eshton must be having a heated debate" she explained, "But I thought that we might go next door and visit Ms Eshton, Matilda and Margaret. What do you say?"
When they arrived a few minutes later on Anne's doorstep, she opened the door looking rather regretful and worried.
"Oh Jane" she said sympathetically, but the children raced through the door, knowing exactly where to find the nursery where their friends were. Only Adele remained with Jane on the step,
"Come in, come in you two"
The moment they were seated privately in the sitting room, Anne began,
"Have you heard?"
"My husband's yelling?"
"He has good reason to yell, Jane. The man who attacked you is gone. No one knows where he is"
"He has escaped?" Adele asked, alarmed.
"Well, not exactly" she replied seriously, "He could not have escaped without help, for he was locked behind iron bars. Someone must have released the man, but Mr Eshton has no idea of who could have assisted the wretch. He must have been quite influential to have done so without raising any alarms, however, for either no one saw him, or no one would admit to having seen him. Both are rather ominous options"
Jane's head was at once exceptionally quiet and painfully loud. She didn't know what to make of what she had learned. Though she wasn't afraid that the man would necessarily return to harm her or her family, she was suddenly aware that if what Anne said was true, there was something much larger at play than what she had initially thought. Perhaps the attack had not been as random as she assumed, nor as senseless as she had initially believed.
"But Anne" Adele was saying seriously, "What does all of this mean?"
"I do not know. But I have rarely seen Mr Eshton more angry than when he arrived home, and I know how much he was dreading telling your father about what he learned. Jane-" she said, turning towards her friend, "You must speak. You must tell me what you think".
"In truth, I do not know what to think" she confessed, "But I will not give into senseless panic when we know nothing for sure. There is no wisdom in that, and it is not helpful. Besides, truth be told I am not worried about anything now that Edward is with me. I would actually pray for the criminal if he were to step foot inside the house. I am positive he would not leave in one piece".
Anne could not help herself from grinning, and then Jane was grinning, and then they were all chuckling- even Adele who was visibly worried for her mother. It was short lived, however, for the door opened a moment later and Mr Eshton stepped through looking irritable and tired. The sound of his footsteps were heard coming down the hall for several moments before he arrived within the sitting room.
"Ms Rochester, I am so sorry-"
"Please" she stopped him, "Do not apologize. I appreciate all that you've done"
"If you won't let me apologize then let me assure you that this will be put to right. We will find the man and he will still face punishment, be sure of that".
Jane smiled appreciatively, and perhaps Mr Eshton suspected that she did not believe him, for he repeated more firmly.
"On my word, we will find him".
"Jane" Anne cut in, turning back around to her "Why don't you go and be with your husband for a little while? Me and Adele have much to say to each other about our London season dresses and you might enjoy the quiet time with your children here"
"Would you mind? For a few minutes?"
"Of course not. They are having fun. Why disturb them?"
"Thank you" Jane said to her, but her friend only smiled knowingly, nodding her head.
"You need not rush back. Take your time".
Jane stood, thanking Mr Eshton again and smiling reassuringly at Adele before departing through the front door.
Not one minute later she had arrived on the steps of the adjoined house they were staying in. She pushed open the door and, happily, found no one waiting for her on the other side. She was free, then, to step through the threshold and advance into the small library and partial study where she knew she would find her husband.
He was standing back-on to her, his hand resting on the desk but his gaze seemingly fixed on the window before him. His stillness, his seriousness said more than a thousand words could have. And though in one way she wanted to leave him to his thoughts, understanding that such a stature was almost not to be disturbed, she advanced into the room. The moment she placed her hand on the knob of the door to close it, Edward turned his head to look over his shoulder.
"I'm sorry" he said at once, but also shortly, before turning back to the window, "I did not mean for you to take the children away".
But she ignored this, stepping behind him and slipping one hand inside his jacket where he was warm. Something about the action had disarmed him, for he turned to pull her into his embrace, his jaw tight against her temple.
"Jane" he said in a tormented whisper, and she knew he was torn between his anger and his wish to comfort. "Everything will be well again, I promise you. I do not want you worrying about a thing".
"I am not worried about anything with you" was her simple and honest reply.
He kissed her hair as she turned her own gaze to look out of the window where one could see some of the minimal greenery surrounding the house. It was so different to their own home which was surrounded by such extensive gardens. The difference, in fact, was so striking that the sound of the leaves scraping against the pane of glass and occasionally thumping against it was enough to catch Jane's attention for perhaps the first time in her life. But this long and protracted silence was still filled with anger and guilt, and so her wandering thoughts were brief.
"Edward'' Jane began, turning to him and speaking with every ounce of sincerity she felt, "I couldn't put into words how proud I am to be your wife, because you are the type of man whose goodness transcends his own self interest with every single thing you do. But I do not want you to be frustrated and angry and guilty for the foreseeable future because of that goodness. My troubles have always been yours, and yours will always be mine. There is no need to bare it alone"
He tipped her chin up, drawing her mouth to him and kissing her gently, but with a familiar and well-known restraint. She smiled, in relief, against his mouth before the kiss broke and Edward sighed.
"You are torturous"
"Am I?"
"Mmm" he affirmed,
"Why is that?"
"Because" he began, leaning against the desk and drawing his wife to him from around her waist, "I have not known what to do with myself, except be angry, but you dispel all of that, just by being near. You shouldn't, but you do"
She rubbed his knuckles,
"I love you so much and I have missed you so much"
Jane smiled, allowing herself to be drawn eagerly into her husband's mouth. But the smile slipped from her face as Edward stood, deepening the kiss as she was backed gently into an armchair.
"Oh" she said, sticking her arm out to catch herself- but in that moment she was lifted up by her husband and turned around to be placed on the window ledge behind her. He bent down to her height and she reached up to his, wrapping her arms around his waist as he tipped up her chin.
"Edward?"
"Yes my darling?"
"Should we not go and collect our children?".
"It is quiet in here without them, isn't it?"
"Too quiet. It is a little unnerving, actually. I no longer trust silence as a mother"
Edward grinned,
"Would you like to take them all for a walk? I believe it is one of the last days of fall we will know this year, and we are close enough to Regent's Park for it to be a manageable walk for the little ones"
"That sounds nice" Jane smiled, "I've never been there"
"You will love it. Run and fetch your cloak. I will get the children"
. . .
Regent's Park was lined entirely with trees of gold, burnt crimson, and toasted orange. It was one of the most beautiful falls Jane had ever known, or certainly been aware of. The leaves underfoot crunched with every step, and the crisp air was not chilling, nor uncomfortable. It was lovely and refreshing.
The Rochester's all walked together, Peter in Edward's arms but everyone else walking in between their parents. As a group they certainly always managed to attract judgemental looks, and Jane could not blame anyone for it. Firstly, going anywhere as a family always seemed to attract attention in London where children were only ever seen with their nannies. Secondly, the Rochester's were not exactly a traditional-looking family. Jane and Adele likely looked closer to sisters than mother and daughter with only ten years between them, but then they did not act like sisters. And then there was Edward and Jane, a somewhat unconventional couple with four small children who were rather close in age. Thirdly, they were happy. Jane had noticed that a significant number of Londoners looked, if not entirely miserable, then not entirely happy either. For this, however, she also could not blame them. There was so much to occupy one's mind in the city that it was rather surprising anyone was content at all.
When they returned home Edward left for a few hours to speak with Eshton, presumably about what was to be done next, though he was not gone for very long. The rest of the evening had been dedicated to feeding and bathing all of the children, an oftentimes monumental task. As Edward washed them one by one, they were sent to their mother who put them into bed. By the time Henry was finally sent her by his father, Edward told Jane that he was going to go and finish responding to several letters he should have finished earlier in the day and that he would join her in their bedroom after. After speaking with Adele for an hour or so, and then saying goodnight to the servants, Jane was tired enough to retire to her room. Upon entering, she was surprised to find her husband already laying, half-dressed, on the floor in front of the fireplace on the rather large and fluffy rug. He had his arm thrown over his eyes, and when he heard the door click shut he did not bother to look to see who it was.
Jane unlaced her dress with no real sense of urgency, tired herself from the long day. Eventually she stepped out of it and laid it over the arm of one of the nearby chairs before taking off her remaining layers of clothing. When this was finished she ran her fingers through her hair to loosen the curls which she had let down from the bun on top of her head and then dampened her face with a washcloth which was laying beside the water basin. When she looked at herself in the glass she saw the bruises were still present but they were ever so slightly beginning to fade. They made her look more tired than she felt, but they also made her look rather defeated when in truth she felt the opposite since arriving in London.
Taking the cloth and dipping it again in the basin of water on the nightstand, Jane walked over and knelt down beside her husband, lifting his arm so that she could wash his face. He watched her work for a brief moment but then closed his eyes as the cloth was dragged over his forehead. The fire crackled beside them, but the warmth of it was especially comforting on that cold and dreary evening. Rain was beating against the window, but neither of the Rochester's noticed it. Her movements were slow, and measured, and comforting to Edward who's body language relaxed instantly, even in those few motions.
When Jane took the cloth away Edward opened his eyes and looked at her with a look which was always impossible to look away from- completely mesmerizing in its warmth and intoxicating in its sincerity. That look, and the thousands of times it had been given, made Jane feel like she was the only person in the world who had ever existed.
"Thank you," he said lowly.
"Tell me what else I can do"
He smiled,
"Just come here"
He held out his arms to her and she crawled into her embrace, surprised at how comfortable it was on that fluffy rug.
They said nothing to each other for quite some time, Jane listening to the crackling of the fire and the beating of Edward's heart in equal measure. With her head on his chest, it was easy to hear the comforting rhythm of his existence, and it grounded her so that all other concerns in her mind suddenly seemed far less important.
"You look so drained, Edward" she said at last
"I probably look more tired than I am"
"Not just tired" she clarified, "Drained"
"Well, more than anything else I feel grateful to have my family back with me" he explained, and Jane could hear in his voice that he meant what he said, "There has just been a lot of my mind, is all"
"I know. But I have never seen you quite like this".
They looked at each other a moment before Edward shook his head.
"Jane, the first seven years of our marriage have been close to perfect. In fact, at times it feels like I've never had a thing in the world to vex me until now. Even in our most difficult moments, we have always had each other in a private world that no one else was part of, and that seemed to make everything alright. I have been a very spoiled man, and so I cannot complain about these past few weeks".
"But we still have that world, do we not?" she asked softly, "For as much as others have been involved with everything going on here over the past few weeks, as much as you have taken on, as much as I've had to do with the children, in this moment it is just you and I"
"You are absolutely right" he said assuredly, his thumb stroking her cheek, "As you always are".
Jane climbed on top of her husband, stretching out over him as she hovered close to his mouth. His initial surprise relaxed into contentment as she moved one of his curls out of his face.
"Edward Rochester?"
"Mmm?"
"I love you"
"You know I love you more"
"Liar," she whispered.
The kiss they shared was instantly sobering, for the moment his tongue parted her lips, there was nothing but him. The hands which moved to her back were large, and warm, and comforting as they ran down her bottom so that he could lift her closer to him. She bounced lightly as she landed back on top of him, and they both grinned as Edward moved the fallen hair out of her face down her back. Jane could taste the after dinner wine on his breath, smell his masculine aroma across her skin, and she could not help but moan into his mouth as he bent one of his legs to bring her even closer. She felt him smile against her, but it was quickly replaced with a renewed need and agency to have her.
When the kiss broke, Jane's lips hung parted for a moment, wanting and lustful, and it was nearly enough for Edward to take her there on the spot, but he saw something in her face which caused him to pause,
"Did you spend a lot of time outdoors while we were apart?"
"I suppose so. Why?"
"Because, I swear that you did not have these freckles before" he said, tracing a path over her nose.
"Really?" she asked curiously,
"Mmm" he confirmed, tracing her hairline, "Nor these"
"Hm" she said thoughtfully, "You know, women are not meant to have freckles. It was rather unfeminine of me to be out in the sun so long"
"Well I like them" he contested, and then he sighed at her in a way which Jane did not quite understand.
"One day" he said, running his hands over her hips slowly, "I am going to take you to a secluded island where we are alone, and where I can undress you in the sun, and I am going to make love to you where it is quiet, and warm, and sunny. And then I am going to kiss every subsequent freckle I find on your body".
She could not help smiling, imagining that day which she knew her husband would make a reality for them.
"Do you not think that such is a long way off for us? I would not want to leave you waiting, Mr Rochester"
"I will want you until the day I die" he answered flatly, "So I am not especially worried about when such a time occurs."
"Even when I am very old and very grey?"
But this time Edward actually laughed, shaking his head.
"Seeing you old and grey is the very best thing which could happen to me in this life"
"I know how you feel" she said, twirling one of his curls thoughtfully around her finger and incorporating it back into the rest of his hair.
Edward watched her playing and fussing with him, noting the gentle expression she wore and the alluring mix her face always had of innocence and sensuality. And then she looked at him appraising her, and she dropped her hand.
"I have something for you"
"Do you?"
"Mhm" he said, turning to his side and reaching for his coat which was hanging over a nearby chair. Jane's brow furrowed as he rooted in one pocket, and then the other, before turning back to his wife with a small velvet box in his hand.
"What is this?"
"Open it. It's yours"
Jane sat up, crossing her legs before her husband and looking at him curiously.
"My birthday isn't for some time yet"
"It is not for your birthday. You know that"
"Why would you give me a present otherwise?"
"It isn't a present so much as something you are in need of. Open it".
Jane squinted her eyes skeptically for a moment before she undid the ribbon of the box. Edward propped himself up on his elbow, watching her intently as she discarded the wrappings and opened the case.
Inside on a plush fabric cushion sat two rings. One was an engagement ring with a large white opal centre and a series of small flat-cut diamonds encircling it. The second ring was a gold wedding band, intricately carved with what appeared to be laurel branches and leaves. Together they were striking, and both rings were exactly to her taste- understated and yet beautiful in their simplicity.
"I think we can assume that your wedding rings are gone" Edward started, and there was some uncertainty in his voice at not knowing what her reaction would be, "They were likely the currency used to buy your attackers freedom. I was expecting, perhaps naively, to be able to bring them back to you, but they could be anywhere in England by now"
She nodded,
"If you do not like these, I will bring them back to the jeweler tomorrow and we can find something else. If you no longer want to wear a ring, I would understand that too"
But Jane was shaking her head,
"Edward, these are beautiful".
"I know it is not the same" he said honestly, "I know it doesn't make up for what was lost. But I want you to have something on your hand which tells the world how much I love you".
Jane reached forward and wrapped her arms around her husband's neck so that she could hold him close to her in a tight embrace. The subsequent breath she took was laboured, and the moment Edward heard the tears in it he held her a little tighter.
"Hey" he said gently, rubbing her lower back soothingly before kissing her cheek.
"Losing my wedding rings made me so sad" she admitted, "I do not even like looking at my hand, for it hardly feels like mine without them. But, I keep reminding myself that they were only possessions, and I know our marriage is not contained to any possessions. Still. I had never taken them off- not once in all the years we have been married. I just assumed I would wear them in all of the days left to me on this earth"
"I know, darling. And I want to give back to you what part of that I can"
Jane's eyebrows creased curiously,
He reached for the box in her hand and took the rings out, sliding both onto her finger one by one.
"I chose the opal ring because I thought you would like it and that it would suit you. The wedding band, however, is made from mine".
"What do you mean?"
"I took my wedding band to the jewelers and asked them to melt it down to make two different rings, that way we could both still wear a ring from the day we were married. The engravings were the idea of the jeweler, but I thought you would like them".
She looked down at the gold band in surprise before looking back up at her husband quickly.
"Really?"
He nodded.
She reached for his hand so that she could appraise the ring that she had looked at countless times before. It was indeed slightly narrower, now that she looked more closely at it, but it hadn't been noticeable enough to catch her attention before. Meeting his eyes, her lips still parted in surprise, she was suddenly forced to bite back a new swelling of emotion stuck in her throat and a burning in her eyes.
"I do not know what to say".
"You don't have to say anything, sweetheart"
"I do" she said earnestly, her voice breaking ever so slightly "Tonight of all nights I wish you could know how much I love you"
His face was at once both soft and rather serious.
"But I do know, Jane".
She looked down at her hand, twisting the new rings around her finger before looking back up at his eyes which were rich, and feeling, and one of her favorite sights in the entire world.
"Can you kiss me now?" she asked, her voice a little shaky with emotion, but before she even had time to chuckle her husband had reached for her chin and had drawn her to his mouth. He circled her leg with his hand and hitched it up so that her heel was drawn up to her behind. His fingers trailed from her knee down to her ankle, his touch slow and intentional as his mouth satisfied every single need that Jane never knew needed to be fulfilled. Just the promise of what he could and would do if she only asked made Jane's heart race with anticipation.
The kiss was reluctantly slowed so that she could focus on unbuttoning her husband's nightshirt. As she worked he kissed her jaw, reaching his hand up under her dress and just lightly teasing her core. Her eyes fluttered heavily, and against her will, for she was more distracted than she wanted to be by her husband's fingers.
"Ms Rochester" he teased, "Focus"
"I'm trying" she mused, "But I have been thinking about this moment for quite a while, so you must forgive my enthusiasm".
"Take me in your hands" he said, "Feel how much I want you"
Jane reached down between them and took his member in her grasp, feeling how erect and hard he was between her fingers. He groaned lowly as she began to stroke him, throwing his head back against the floor with a hard thump.
"Son of a-"
"Oh, no" she half laughed, "Hold on. Don't move"
Standing up and rushing over to the bed, she retrieved a pillow and brought it back to her husband so that she could slip it under his neck.
"Thank you" he said, his eyes closed as he rubbed his head gingerly.
"Are you alright?"
"You don't need to stop what you were doing, if that's what you're asking"
"No? But I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself again"
"Well now that I've got this pillow, I think we are safe" he winked.
Jane, with renewed want and determination, reached down and again took her husband in her hand, stroking him slowly so that she could enjoy watching his face reacting to her touch. He groaned deeply and she smiled in response, pressing her lips to his jaw as she increased her pace and the strength of her grip.
"Fuck" he groaned
"Shhh" she said, pressing her finger to his lips,
"We've been over this" he said, "That's your fault, not mine"
"Oh is it?" she asked, watching him from under her lashes tip his head back as she slid down his body and rubbed her core against his erection. It may have been slightly selfish on her part, but she had this overwhelming desire to satisfy herself as she listened to the satisfied sounds he made. What surprised her was how easily she slid against him, how wet she had become with only the slightest touch.
"Let me take off your nightshirt" Edward said, "I want to see you"
She nodded and he at once sat up, raising his knee for his wife to rest against as he pulled her nightshirt off over her head. Though she was still clearly bruised and marked, a husband's love for his wife temporarily overshadowed the shame and his guilt which would have otherwise slowed him to a stop. Jane, too, lifted up the bottom of his nightshirt and tugged it off, ready for his wanting mouth which connected with hers the second his fingers pulled her chin towards him.
Through the kiss she reached down between them and stroked her husband a few more times in her hand before positioning herself on top of him and lowering herself down so that he slid inside of her.
"Mmm" they groaned together, Jane pressing her forehead to her husband's chest as he put his hands on her backside.
She raised her face to his and smiled momentarily at the satisfied look on his face.
"I don't know whether to call you an angel or a witch"
"I don't care what you call me" she breathed, moaning desperately as he thrust into her once, and then twice, and then a third, deeper time.
"No?" he grinned, his masculine pride radiating from him as he flipped her over so that she was laying beneath him.
As their lips connected, she felt his curls brushing against her cheek and the closeness of them in that moment sent a shiver down her spine which caused a whimper to rise from her throat. Edward tensed, and he groaned, and suddenly his hand was on his wife's thigh.
"Sweetheart" he explained, kissing her forehead in an effort to slow their pace, "I want to listen to you make that sound a hundred times again, but I cannot do that if I finish right now"
"You can finish if you want" she said, touching his cheek, "It's alright. I know it has been a long time"
He smiled. In that moment his heart swelled with so much love for her that he could not resist tracing her innocent and wanting lips with his thumb.
"Do you know, in all the nights spent apart there were several things I wanted so much that I was driven to distraction"
Her toes curled as her husband dipped his head and his lips closed around her nipple, his tongue rolling over her hardened peak. And then his lips lifted and kissed between her breasts once, and then twice.
"First and foremost, I just wanted you back in my arms" he said, moving to her other breast and sucking that nipple gently. His other hand moved to the opposite breast and massaged her slowly as his tongue continued to work. Unable to stop her eyes rolling back, she dropped her head onto the pillow beneath her.
"Mmm" she moaned, wrapping her legs around Edward's waist and scraping her nails gently through his scalp.
"Darling, can you look at me?"
She turned her head to look down at him as he slowly kissed again between her breasts.
"There we go. That's better"
She smiled.
"Secondly, I wanted to hear you in my ear, moaning and whispering all of those things which set my very brain on fire"
"Mmm" she breathed as he kissed down her stomach.
"Thirdly, I wanted your taste in my mouth..."
Jane did not need instructions to part her legs, nor to drape them over her husband's shoulders as he bent his mouth to her core.
She gasped, taking in a shuddering breath.
Edward massaged both hands over her thighs, and she could not help taking in a sharp inhale at the pressure building in her chest and need burning between her legs. And then she could not help the exclamation of pleasure which slipped from her lips as she felt her leg begin to shake and her heart pounding out of her chest.
"Edward, Edward, wait!" she said, pushing on his shoulders.
He stopped at once, looking up at her curiously.
"I do not want to finish this quickly"
"This does not have to be over in five minutes, Jane. You need not finish only once".
"I know" she said, "But tonight I would rather my finish take a little bit longer".
He kissed inside of her leg,
"Okay sweetheart" he said, "We'll slow down".
He parted her legs again, but she shut them quickly.
"Edward, I just-"
"You will not finish until you tell me that you want to" he said in his easy, confidant way, "Don't worry"
And she didn't, not in all the time he relentlessly spent eating her wanting core. She was so sensitive, and so wet, and always on the very edge of tipping over into her desire, but Edward knew her, and he knew when to stop so that her heaving chest could slow, her heart could calm, and she was once again able to ask for his mouth. She closed her eyes in an attempt to focus her attention on steadying the growing need becoming impossible to repress. She whimpered lowly, bringing her hand up to her mouth as Edward drew her hips closer to him, securing her to his relentless tongue.
And suddenly her whole body was alight with a rush of want and desire, her core so unbelievably sensitive that she was sure with one more movement of his tongue she would be completely done in by him. Heart pounding in her chest, breathing laboured, her head thoughtless and heavy, Jane suddenly felt her husband take his mouth away. She looked down to see where he had gone, but he was already back at her height, looking into her eyes.
"Hello" she said softly, suddenly aware for the first time of the stickiness of sex lingering on their shining skin.
He smiled, kissing her jaw affectionately.
He was tracing his finger up her leg slowly, drawing a circle around her knee before moving it up her thigh. He covered his fingers in the wetness that had run down the inside of her leg before inserting them inside of her.
"Edward" she gasped in surprise, looking up at the ceiling desperately as his thumb rubbed her bud, sensation rising and lapping at her in low, warm ripples.
He bent to kiss her, tipping her chin up to him as he fingered inside of her. But she moaned against his mouth, breaking it nearly instantly. He drew back, raising his eyebrow at his wife silently, challenging her to behave as he changed the position of his hand, arousing what must have been the most sensitive place inside her whole body. She closed her eyes, her brow creasing, her leg shaking-
"Okay, okay, okay!" she said suddenly, gripping his arm in warning so that he stilled his hand at once.
He looked to her for an explanation, but she only smiled, and then he was shaking his head.
"Why will you not give into me?"
"Because you love to see me yield"
"And do you not want your husband to be happy?"
"You are happy, Mr Rochester"
He chuckled to himself and then his face slowly softened and became more serious.
"Finish for me" he said in his low and commanding voice, and though she could have fought him, she no longer wanted to.
"Tell me how"
Jane grinned to herself as she was turned over so that she was resting on top of her husband's stomach. She wasted no time in reaching for him, hard and throbbing, and slid him inside of her. The guttral sound of satisifaction which rose from Edward's throat made Jane's heart pound and the place they were joined throb with almost painful intensity. As she rocked with her husband, she felt her heartbeat increasing and the tension in her chest pulling tighter and tighter. Leaning back, and resting her hands on his legs, it deepened the sensation by pressing him to a different spot inside of her. And suddenly her orgasm came on so strong and so quickly that her breath caught in her throat. She crumpled onto Edward's chest, her legs shaking beneath her as he finished with his own loud and passionate exclamation of pleasure which seemed to hang in the silent night air.
Chest rising and falling rapidly, heart fluttering, Jane closed her eyes. She was so happy to be reunited with him, to have his skin on hers, to be in his arms again that she hardly remembered a time where she felt more contented, more so like herself, or more satisfied. She felt Edward's hand move to the back of her neck while the other wrapped around her waist. It all felt incredibly safe.
Jane nuzzled in closer to her husband, and with her head on his chest she listened clearly for the beating of his heart slowing until it regained a normal rhythm.
"I swear to God, you will be the end of me one of these days"
"Just now you did not sound like a man close to death"
He chuckled, rubbing her lower back before tapping her bum playfully.
"I like it when you are vocal, you know"
"Do you?"
"Or rather when you are especially vocal" Jane clarified, "For I never struggle to know whether or not you are enjoying yourself"
"Well I fear my feelings are rather predictable when it comes to you"
She lifted her face to look at him, smiling gently before laying her head back down. But then in the resumed silence her thoughts had the space to settle and a new consideration caused her to chew her lip thoughtfully. She climbed off of her husband and crawled into his waiting arms so that she could be a little nearer to him.
"I have a question"
"You always do"
She rubbed her thumb over his arm thoughtfully.
"Have you always enjoyed our sex the way that you do now? Have you liked it more or less at different times over the course of our marriage?"
"That's a very interesting question. I have always enjoyed our sex- no", he stopped himself, correcting "Enjoyed isn't strong enough of a word. Being intimate with you is the beginning and end of my peace of mind"
She closed her eyes as he kissed her forehead.
"As for liking it more or less at different times, no. But I have appreciated different aspects of sex with you over the course of our marriage"
"In what way?"
"Well when we were first married, our intimacy was a different experience because I couldn't see you. The sounds of you became the most important and intoxicating thing to me. And while those feelings have not gone away, I cannot imagine what it would feel like to lose the ability to see your flushed skin, your lip biting, or your eyes heavy with desire when we are together".
His fingers traced her cheek, and then his thumb ran over her bottom lip.
"And then, at the beginning of our marriage, I loved being the one to show you what sex should be between a man and a woman. I took pride in the fact that I was the only man to have shared your bed- not because of, or rather not simply because of, the possessiveness I feel for you- but because I knew that your first experience of physical love would be safe, and that no one in the world could love you more than I could"
She turned his face so that she could kiss him and she hoped that her lips had conveyed all the things she wished to say but couldn't possibly put into words.
"When we started our family, sex took on another meaning. Not only did it mean the possibility of bringing a life into the world that I loved so profoundly, and so beyond what I knew was possible, but it always meant we maintained our closeness, in spite of all of the chaos in our lives as we were learning to be parents".
"I always felt that way too", she acknowledged, "No matter what happened in our days, no matter how hard things became, I knew everything would feel better again in our bed at night"
He kissed her temple, nodding.
"And now, Mr Rochester?"
"Now, our sex means a lot of different things to me. It is everything it has always meant, but because I find I am more and more in love with you, it is always deepening, and always new"
She had been looking at her husband as he spoke, but she suddenly lay back on the pillows and Edward turned onto his side so that they could still face one another.
"Do you know what I find remarkable?"
"Hmm"
"I love being in love with you. I love sharing your bed. I love being intimate with you. For a woman to be able to say that freely is unheard of. I sit in women's rooms of women. I hear them talk of their private lives with their husbands. To them, a good husband is one who provides, who does not force what she does not want, and who is decent in his actions. How much of a separation between that reality and mine. Sitting amongst them I feel that I have found profound happiness, and closeness, and love behind some locked door to which they will never have a key. It is an odd thought that something so central to my life is lost entirely to them"
"Do you not know that it is the same for me?" he asked, running his fingers through her curls. "Do you not know that the men I stand amongst know how much I love you, and how fulfilled I am with you, though I have never divulged a word of what we share together with them"
"How can they know, then?"
"Because men who are unsatisfied complain, and they are the ones who cannot stop talking about what they do not have. I am sure it annoys them to no end that I have never shared a moment of our personal lives with them"
"You do not mean our closest friends? Not Eshton, or the Captain, or Father Roberts?"
"No, not them" Edward clarified, "They have the respect not to ask, and the knowledge to not need to"
Jane smiled,
"And since you have told nothing to their wives-"
"I have not" Jane assured, "Though a woman who has given birth to four children in seven years, is perhaps a slight giveaway".
He smiled the most intimate smile Jane was sure a man could muster before bending to kiss her forehead.
Jane stretched, then yawned, then closed her eyes sleepily.
"Let me take you to bed, It is late, and I do not want you to be tired tomorrow"
"No, let's just stay here. I do not have the energy to stand up"
He chuckled, and before Jane knew it she had been hoisted up onto her husband's shoulder and they were moving towards the bed.
"Edward! Edward, don't hurt yourself. Wait-" she said, stopping herself, "How are you so strong?"
"Carting around all of our children, I dare say"
And then she was laid gently onto the mattress in a pile of soft pillows, the silk sheets suddenly feeling very cold after laying in front of the heat of the fire.
"Edward, can you hand me my nightshirt please?"
"Where is it?"
"Wherever you tossed it"
He chuckled, walking away from the bed to retrieve it. Jane turned her face, looking out of the nearby window and watching the faint light of the streetlamp burning out. It was still raining, but because the wind had slowed the drops were no longer being lashed against the window, rather they were running down the pane in a slow, steady rhythm.
And then Edward had returned, handing Jane her slip which she pulled over her head.
"Bed"
"Why are you forcing me into bed tonight?"
"Because you almost fell asleep in your breakfast this morning"
She considered the truth of that statement as he rounded the mattress and got under the covers. In the distance Jane could hear, with the supernatural hearing that only a mother could have, one of her children coughing. She waited, listening carefully, but the singular cough was the end of it.
"My God" she whispered "There are times I still cannot believe we have five children. Five, Edward. What were we thinking?"
She felt him smiling against her skin, his lips grazing her before he drew back to look at her.
"We could always arrange for more, if you liked"
She furrowed her brow, suddenly looking rather more serious than her husband had expected her to be.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong"
"Is it that you do not want any more children?"
"I do. Or rather, I would if such were to happen again"
"But?"
"But Peter is nearly three now, Edward, and there has been no sign of another baby since him"
He paused, surveying her curiously.
"Is this something which has been bothering you?"
"It's not something I have really thought about until recently. In truth, life is so busy right now with four children so close in age, and with Adele nearing the age of courtship. It's not that I wouldn't be happy if I became pregnant again, but I do not feel a pining for it at present. Still, this may be it for us, and the thoughts of never holding another baby in my arms makes me sad, even though I have no right given how lucky we have been".
"You do have a right to want more. You also have a right to not want more right now, but to look forward to that prospect in the future. That does not make you ungrateful, nor greedy".
She looked up at him thoughtfully.
"Let us look at it in this way" he began, bringing her hands to his lips, "There really is so much happening right now. Perhaps there was a level of divine intervention in knowing better than us the way our lives would play out over these past months. Perhaps this has all been preordained. Because a pregnancy has not happened in some time does not mean it will not happen again".
"Very well" Jane breathed softly, her fingers trailing his arm "I know that I should not be worried about things which have not come to pass"
"That is easier said than done" he mused, "Besides, you are always so even-tempered and so wise. It is nice to know that you also worry about the same things that us mere mortals do".
She shook her head, smiling slightly as he tipped her chin up, his tone suddenly more sober.
"Don't let it weigh on you, darling. Everything comes in it's right time. And if I have any say in it, you will be pregnant with our child again"