by The Pighead
I was starting to get impatient with myself but, finally, after these two weird trailers who were just here to confuse everyone, we're back on track. In case there are people who stumbled across this and don't know what the fuck is going on, here's an explanation!
Hi, everyone! You are reading DEATHFAME, the first entry to my second story arc for Infinity Crisis! My first story arc was busy laying the foundations of the wider story I wanted to tell, which was basically a mix of metafiction, attempts at absurdist comedy and more serious topics being tackled, sometimes (YMMV on whether you think it crosses the line of being an unfunny shitpost or not). With this second one, we are now speeding things up and this is the time when my author avatar will attempt bigger things to reinforce her control over the Multiverse of Infinity Crisis and toy with a lot of people in the process.
Not spoiling too much, but you'll quickly see what I mean by it.
Reading disclaimers and continuity notes: For where it stands in the continuity of Infinity Crisis, it picks where we left off at the end of Another Side of the Glimpses and most of it will happen at the same time than Chapters 4 & 9 of Counterpart Conferences, as well as Mystical Conference & In Hand and Foot. The "most of it" is important.
Of course, the reading of the entire first arc (Some Twitter Videos, Multiversal Moves, Chronicles of the Hex & Another Side of the Glimpses, especially the latter two) is mandatory if you want to understand what led everyone to this point. I also fully count L1701E' Temporal Tete-a-Tete, History Lesson-51 & History- Lesson-199999 as a part of said first arc, as what is said in those three is important to understand Pighead' relevancy to the story.
And, as a last note, where the first arc was mostly disconnected from the other stories, DEATHFAME will involve way more continuity nods and call-backs to previous stories. You'll know when some of those nods will be important, I'll tell you!
So, without further due, let's start the story.
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Once upon a time, there was a man. A seemingly normal man who was doing normal things.
One day, this man witnessed someone erasing others in the name of a so-called balance. In response, he asked himself what could be done if a little detail changed.
He did just that. But, without predicting it, he ended up creating something that would be way bigger, way greater than himself.
Others witnessed him building the foundations of his home and, fascinated by what he was creating, decided to join him and, together, they told the stories of extraordinary people making their homeworlds a bit more extraordinary too.
One decided that it wasn't enough for her and decided to go deeper. This story, like the previous one, tells what she did. As you've seen and will see, there's a lot to unpack.
Resume where you left off.
« OK, so if that's your shoe, you owe me 300 dollars. »
« IN WHICH UNIVERSE AM I THE SHOE ? I ACTUALLY CLEARLY REMEMBER THAT I TOLD EVERYONE HERE THAT I TOOK THE LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT WHO LOOKS LIKE A MELTED WORM. OR IS IT A WEIRD SPAGHETTI ? I MEAN, IT CLEARLY LOOKS LIKE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN EGBERT TRIES TO COOK LASAGNA, LIKE WHOEVER DID THOSE GODAWFUL SHITTY PAWNS SHOULD BE ARRESTED, FORCE-FED DEAD CORPSES OF BATS AND OIL AND SHOT ON SIGHT, I SWEAR. »
« …wait, I thought I was the worm. »
« and y0u're w0nderin' why the sh0e hasn't m0ved at all since the last h0ur, l0l. »
« Oh, you're one to talk, smart-ass ! Like, how you're even supposed to see anything in the weird state you're in ? And don't even try to use your words like « half-ghost » or shit like it, it doesn't mean anything concrete ! »
« i'm g0d tier, actually, so i can see again. »
« I hate this game, seriously. »
If there was one thing in which everyone currently on the Bea Arthur could agree on, it's that Monopoly was a pretty difficult game to play. Not because the rules in themselves were complicated but because any game who is played by a bunch of people who never played that much board games (including ones with a very tenuous grasp on reality) is automatically a recipe for disaster. This was the third game which was played.
Of course, this wasn't the sort of thing that screamed « bunch of heroes on their way to stop an omnicidal villain from their reality who was threatening the Multiverse » but still, there wasn't a lot of things to do in space. Which was also one of the reasons Andrew Hussie was sitting on a corner of the living room, playing with a little Rubik's Cube he found on the floor.
It was two hours since they all embarked in the Deadpool Corps' ship and, because said ship was faster than he thought, they were already in space, looking for any unusual thing who could alert them to Jack English' presence. It wasn't the most efficient way to find him but the Bea Arthur couldn't teleport itself to alternate Earths so it was the best they had.
It was actually one of the thoughts he was having while playing with the cube. It reminded him a thing he didn't liked that much : the difference between the time he was in charge and now. In the past, when situations like that were happening, it was simple : he had to just make shit up on the fly or to use one of those previously-irrelevant background things to try to resolve it. It worked for him, usually. But now that he was as much of a normal character as anyone else, it meant that he was as much in the dark about things as they were.
If he was honest with himself, it scared him a little bit.
Before, he knew exactly what events would happen, the time in which they would happen and how they would happen (and impact everyone afterwards). Yes, of course, there was still a lot of unplanned things, but it's the same for any writer trying to do a big project. Still, because he was writing the comic, it meant that there was a lot of things he knew (including his own death) and so, he wasn't particularly afraid.
But now, it wasn't the case anymore. Of course, he could guess that someone else took his place and was in charge but for the rest, all he had in his mind were questions. What will happen ? How will it happen ? And, most importantly, in what moment shit will actually hit the fan ? Such questions which he never had to think about before.
It was weird, the ways people could have unexpected changes in personality.
« hEY, uH, gUYS, lOOK, wE FOUND, uH, pEOPLE WHO WERE HIDING IN THE VENTS »
The (pretty enthusiastic) voice belonged to Tavros, who entered the room with his eternal chipper smile, in his robotic legs (and his Page of Breath outfit).
« aND IT'S KIND OF FUNNY BECAUSE, uH, tHERE'S ONE OF THEM WHO SAYS HE'S HERE TO TALK TO TEREZI AND DAVE AND DIRK AND I DIDN'T KNEW THEY WERE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE FROM DERSE »
Immediately, everyone turned their heads in Nitram' direction. The mention of Derse was particularly weird because, last time anyone here remembered, all the iterations of Derse they know about were destroyed with no survivors left (Bec Noir especially knew about the Derse from the Trolls' unverse, since he was the one who destroyed it).
« well, says Dave in answer, i know that my dream self was in derse when we were playing the game but i'm pretty sure i haven't made any friends while i was here unless i did and in that case you can surely count me out of everything guys i'm sorry i think i'm having alzheimer »
Everything chuckled a little bit.
« Technically, adds Dirk, isn't that Mayor you talked me about a lot a Dersite ? »
« oh yeah shit man you're right how could i have forget about the mayor this guy was the shit man like not even the shit it was beyond that »
« YOU KNOW, STRIDER, YOU CAN JUST SAY HE WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND. »
New laughs erupted into the room (except for the Deadpools, who didn't understood what they were talking about) until being interrupted by other voices (one grumpy, one more excited and one who was dripping with sarcasm) who were coming from where Tavros was coming. When the ones in which they belonged entered, everyone became very surprised.
Vriska Serket was, indeed, accompanying four Dersites (and one green guy that no one recognized). But instead of the very colorful and harlequin-like outfits the regular Dersites were wearing, those four were dressed with gangster outfits coming straight out of one of those 1930s noir movies Jake loves so much. Not only that, but one of them had parts of his body replaced by pretty advanced mechanics. It was enough for everyone to recognize them.
« wait a fucking second, says immediately June, i know these four too ! i saw the big one eating the head of one of those leprechaun guys and… robo-jack ? i thought you were dead ! »
« Kid, the aforementionned responds with the voice of someone who absolutely has no time for anyone' bullshit, I swear that if anyone here calls me by this goddamn name again, I will make… I don't know, an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the blackjack table and stab some motherfuckers. And then, calling the Queen' ghost, I don't give a shit. So, I'll say it one time and I expect you to remember it, my name is… »
« SLICK ! »
Before Spades Slick could even realize it, Hussie ran towards him and pulled him into the biggest hug he was capable of doing. To the extreme displeasure of the gangster, who immediately tried his best to get off of him, and the amusement of the others, including his three subordinates (who couldn't help but crack a smile). Then, Andrew turned to the others, a big smile on his lips.
« Everyone, I want you… »
« GET OFF OF ME, YOU ORANGE FREAK ! »
« …I want you to meet the one guy that I can say without any ambiguity was, for a while, my only friend… »
« WE'RE NOT FRIENDS ! »
« …Spades Slick, guys ! He's stabby and he likes to make shit up to spite me, sometimes, but he's still the coolest ! »
At this point, Slick was already giving up on yelling at the orange man and was sifting through his pockets in order to find his trusty knife. Hopefully, he didn't need to because Hussie quickly let him go.
« Oh, yes, sorry, Ms. Paint, I forgot you two have probably a lot of things to say to each other ! »
When he heard that name, Slick immediately stopped what he was doing and when he turned to face her, he immediately wished he wasn't in a room full of other people because he didn't like showing this part of himself to others. It was the usual for a Jack Noir to take a long time before admitting about something who goes against what a Jack Noir is supposed to be.
Ms. Paint was the sole person who made his short time with Andrew a little bit tolerable. At the time, Spades just killed Snowman, former Black Queen of Derse and hate of his life, and destroyed his home universe while coming to the slow realization that he didn't had anything to fight or live for at this point in his life. When Hussie came to rescue him, he told him off in his usual rude manners. But the orange guy refused to leave him to die. So, he grabbed Slick by the arms, ran, slammed him into the doorframe of the late Doc Scratch' apartment by accident and tumbled down the stairs with him before being able to bring him into his study.
This was possibly one of the worst first impressions you could give to someone and, combined with the foul mood of any iteration of Jack, it easily explained why Slick had little patience with him. By comparison, Ms. Paint was less weird and rambly, more patient (whether it was with him or Hussie)… in a way, they were more alike than they thought, being two people who were living their lives until they had to embark on adventures which were bigger than themselves and which they often had troubles to understand fully.
It allowed them to bond and, quickly, it grew into more than a simple friendship. When Andrew got murdered by Lord English and Slick summoned the Felt afterwards in order to go to the Post-Scratch session, he immediately let Paint filling the role previously held by Snowman. Until the end of the battle against the demon and his forces, they did… what it was possible to do in this context, it was the best way to summarize it.
When Slick got killed, Paint was legitimately sad. But she mostly kept that to herself, doing her best to keep living (it happened for her to meet one of the kids or the trolls and in general, she was understanding of the fact that they did what they had to do in those circumstances)… plus, there was Bec Noir. When she found him, he had an arm cut and was laying on his back. She didn't had to heal him and help him, but she did without even asking. At this point, Jack didn't have anyone with him anymore and, with the end of the battle, he didn't know or didn't have an idea of what to do next.
So, they spent the next years helping each other out, Paint slowly pulling Jack out of his misanthropic funk and Jack being here when Paint needed someone to lend her a hand. It worked out pretty alright.
« Uh… y'know, I heard your name several times but now that we're meeting… it's somethin', gotta say it. »
When Spades turned his head to face Bec, his first thought was to ask himself how many goddamn versions of him were existing, because with English and now this guy, it started to make a lot.
His second thought was that if some of his subordinates actually learned to be more stealthy, it would have been more simple…
Go back to the previous story.
Abby Park was very proud of herself, despite the fact that she destroyed sections of the Helicarrier. There was no motherfucking tranquilizers which could put her down and everyone should be well-aware of that !
Plus, this Hydra Stomper suit is very easy to use, why isn't it used more often ?
Ha ha, very funny. Go back to the end of ASotG.
Diamonds Droog was looking at his watch for the sixth time. For someone who needed to act fast and not waste time, Slick was, for sure, taking his sweet-ass time choosing flowers. Though, this time, he wasn't complaining too much.
From their departure from Earth-199999 to right now, Spades spent most of his time explaining to the Crew what exactly he did between his killing of Snowman and their reunion. Since they came back from the dead, the former Archagent of Derse always refused to discuss what happened after that or even after he used the crowbar on Lord English' vault. Or, if he did, he just used one sentence to do so and nothing else.
But this time, he told them everything. Ending up in an alternate timeline, showing up in Alternia' moon and facing Doc Scratch, being beaten up, actually killing Snowman and destroying the universe, the orange guy… and how he first fought Jack English, of course. He made no secret of how he saw in hindsight his first death as humiliating and something he could have avoided, had he done the sensible thing and checked on who was against Lord English.
This was actually the main reason on why the Crew was coming back to Earth-413. Slick still remembered very well the faces of the ones who killed him and his alternate self and the fact that they managed to do it only meant one thing : they could do it a second time ! So, what they had to do was simple : going back (thanks to this watch and the big travel catalogue who came with it, they knew where to go), finding them, asking them to help the Crew et voila !
Tho, the only problem was that, again, last time they saw Slick, he was an enemy to them (in all fairness, the humans and the trolls never tried to check on his whereabouts too and Vriska, who had all the informations, sincerely thought Spades would be irrelevant in the conflict and never bothered but still). So, it meant that if he wanted to start anew, he would have to do something he never, ever did.
Apologizing and meaning it.
Woaw… why do you even act like it's something shocking ?
Clearly, you don't know enough what a Jack Noir is in general. Any Jack who tries to apologize generally mutters something under its breath that could EASILY sound like an apology to someone who wasn't listening very well. So, actually doing it was something unexpected.
Anyway. So, there was all of this. Murdoc didn't understand a word of this but the Crew didn't care at all. He was just a green useful idiot with a voice weirdly similar to Spades who was just here because, eh, having someone who could do the tasks they didn't wanted to do was good enough !
But for right now, they were still in this flower shop and Slick was looking at what they had. Even if he took his time, at the end, Droog wasn't in the mood to bother him. He could wait. Plus, if he was honest, him, Boxcars & Deuce were happy he found a lady.
MC : Move this along.
It took the Crew twenty minutes, six people to ask and a lot of running but, at the end, they managed to find it. The Carapacians they asked talked to them about a giant spaceship who crashed days earlier and that they would find the people they needed in wherever they took the ship. When they saw it, they quickly realized that, indeed, this was a giant-ass ship.
Their first reflex was to hide in the bushes near them. They could quickly see familiar faces discussing with… well, less familiar faces.
« Hey, is this… Aradia ? Last time I saw her, she was a robot. »
« Really ? »
« Yeah. I was so proud of her when she beat the stuff out of the… Sylph of Light, if I'm correct. »
« The hell is a Sylph ? »
« Too long of a story to tell, Niccals. You don't even understand when we're telling you simple things so that ? Not a chance. »
« Wanker. »
« So, I can guess that the trolls we were watching are here too ? »
« Probably, Hearts. But it's for later, right now, the most important, it's to go inside the ship. It's open and she and the lady in red and black are busy talking so we go fast. Geddit ? »
Everyone nods in approbation.
MC : Enter.
« What do you mean, you don't know who Doja Cat is ? What kind of horrible planet was your place ? »
« i wonder what it says about you that this is the thing you find the most horrible about alternia »
« I mean, yeah, it wasn't the coolest place in the world, the way you presented it, but come on ! This is just the cherry on top of the shit-flavored sundae ! »
« you dont have to worry about that we catched up quickly on a lot of things so its no big deal for example our will smith never had a rap career so knowing about this fresh prince stuff was quite a surprise »
« I think that will be our moral duty to help accelerate the catch-up because, honestly, you guys seriously need-oh, it got windy for two seconds. »
« probably june i dont know if shes playing a prank »
Fastforward after this successful entrance.
Even if they couldn't decide if it was because Boxcars was way too big and tall or because the place in which they hid was shitty, what the Crew did know was that hiding in the vents wasn't so much a good idea as they thought it was. It was small, not very large, the five were literally on top of each other like a sack of potatoes and it didn't smell very good.
Tho, the Dersites weren't sure if it was the natural smell inside the vents or if it was Murdoc.
« Y'know, even if I hate those vents, I'm glad Boxcars went first because man, it's not comfortable at all, so if we went first and got crushed, just imagine ! »
« I'm not that big. »
« You sure it's really how it always smells ? I'm not sure vents are supposed to smell like… like whatever food is it supposed to smell like ! »
« Plus, the ones who own it left a bunch of shit here ! Like, there's… what the fuck is Speed Tacos ? »
« Probably some weird Earth food or something like that. »
« It's American food. Generally, American food is pretty shitty. Even at its best, it has never been able to surpass British cuisine. »
« I found a chips ! »
« Deuce, I know what you're thinking, don't eat t-of course, you ate it. »
« Hey, it didn't taste bad ! »
« This wait will be so damn… shit, everyone shuts up, I think I'm hearing someone. »
« … »
« … »
« …uh ? Guys ? »
« I told everyone to shut up, Deuce. »
« But, Slick… »
« We will be caught so, just for one time… »
« There's my… my nose… »
« Hey, does that mean I'm not the only one who feels like I have dust entering my nose ? »
MC : Realize what that means.
« …and so, that's whyyyyyyyy the little guy just sneezed like there was no tomorrow and I mana8d to catch them ! »
« wE, yOU MEAN. i WAS THE ONE WHO WAS TRYING TO CLEAN ALL THAT DUST, yOU KNOW. »
« Uuuuuuuurgh, yeah, yeah, « we », if that m8kes you happy. »
« Can we get back to why we're here ?, Slick asks with clear impatience in his voice. Ya can brag all the way you want about that when it's over but, right now, that's not the subject ! We need your help ! »
The mobster tried to ignore the brief feeling that he had while saying « We need your help » and actually meaning it.
« I'm not the sort of guy who actually wants to spread a load of distasteful excrements all over your hopes and dreams, which I imagine as shining and warm, says Dirk, but I personally have no idea of why I should help you. We fought, last time, remember ? »
Spades' only response was to let out a grunt.
« i mean, Dave adds, technically it's not like he was working for lord english or like at least i don't think so but y'know i think someone might have said that already but when you are fighting someone it might be better to i dunno know who's fighting who before going apeshit like even us we got it after a while so why can't you »
« God, am I being lectured ? »
« like i don't know if you have ever been a kid and now that i'm saying this i slowly start wondering if npc in video games had a childhood like what's up with that did you ever had parents in your lives or were you directly adults when you were created or was it like a bit of both like when your moms gave birth to you you were already grown men with the suits hats and all- »
« I'M SORRY, OK ? »
Some of the people present here were silently thankful that Slick said it at this exact time, just so Dave wouldn't have to continue a rambling who was starting to venture in awkward territories.
« Yeah, the mobster says, it was stupid and yeah, I shouldn't have. That's why we used other methods than the usual, if I learned nothing from it, yer ship would have already been blown up ! I may be stubborn, but I'm not stupid. So, uh… yeah. That was a shit move on my part, won't do it again. Especially not now. »
In response to Slick, the humans and the trolls looked at each other for some seconds before shrugging, which was probably their way to say « OK, that's not really an apology but it sounded genuine enough so we won't throw you out, especially now that we're in space ».
« W3LL, Terezi says in order to break the silence, NOW TH4T 1T'S S3TTL3D, M4YB3 YOU C4N 4CTU4LLY 3XPL41N WHY YOU'R3 H3R3 ? »
« Jack English. The one we fought at the platform. He's alive again. Tried to kick his ass but I couldn't cause of a weird puppet he seems to know. The last thing I saw was you three killing him. I need you to do that again. After that, we can go back to our lives and, if it piss ya off, ya can even pretend we were never here. »
Everyone : Think that sometimes, coincidences are well-timed.
« Well, said a voice no one among the Crew recognized, I think this will totally be your lucky day. »
« Because you're pursuing him too ? »
Before Headpool (the one who the voice belonged to) could formulate an answer, everyone hears noise, turns their heads… and sees a mouth laser coming at their direction, courtesy from a certain someone who really wanted to finish the job.
But he couldn't.
He couldn't. Because, at the exact time the laser was about to hit the Bea Arthur, time slowed down before stopping entirely.
No one realized it. Except, maybe, the ones who were at least conscious of my narration (which means Andrew, Vriska, Paint & Slick). But even with their awareness, it's not like they couldn't magically do something.
The one who could do something was already here. And very eager to do the show, once again. So, she gets up and, with just one fingersnap, some music starts and she's ready to do the show and sing a bit.
[S] The Pighead : Reintroduce yourself.
Oh, hi, it's me again.
I'm not finished just yet.
I need to go back again.
Cause that's just what I want, want, want
What I want, want, want, hey !
I'll drink and smoke a lot.
I'll open Word and write some more.
And just be on my own.
Yeah, that's just what I want, want, want
What I want, want, want !
She creates a bunch of portals just when the pre-chorus starts.
Oh, I've spent way too-too-too many time hiding so much things.
My desires, my dreams & hopes, how much I loved life.
But this time, I'm so done just lying to myself.
This time ! I will ! Just take what I want !
The chorus hits and she starts pushing everyone in the portals.
I want all the spotlights
I wanna be adored
I want to show you better than those lame conquerors
Ooooh, ooh, ooh.
That's what I want ! There's nothing wrong ! With what I want !
Oh yeah, yeah !
I wanna write endlessly
Show you my brightest smiles
I want all my crushes to come over and kiss me
Oooooooh, ooh, ooh.
That's what I want ! There's nothing wrong ! With what I want !
Oh yeah, yeah !
There is still some of the people here and the laser got a little bit closer. Meh. Not a problem.
Meeting all my idols
Abolishing frontiers
Having fun while I'm at it
Yeah, that's just I want, want, want
What I want, want, I want.
Just some more seconds.
Oh, yes, I hear what you have to say, I hear your complaints
Hedonistic, foolish, reckless, that's what I look like
But this time, I'm so fucking done being a doormat
This time ! I will ! Just take what I want !
The last persons on the ship are pushed in the portals and they all close.
I want the love of all
Wanna see everything
Seeing the infinite Earths, it's enough ownership
Oooooh, ooh, ooh
That's what I want ! There's nothing wrong ! With what I want !
Hey, yeah-eah !
Bright lights, goofy dances, moshpits
I want to see y'all losing your minds guessing what's my deal
Ooooooh, ooh, ooh
That's what I want ! There's nothing wrong ! With what I want !
Hey, yeah-eah !
Pighead snaps her fingers again and the music stops. There's only her and Jack. She looks at him. She doesn't know if he noticed her. That doesn't stop her from pointing at him and making a thumbs down, the same way Dave' bro did a long time ago.
Then, still very casually, she turns to you and smiles, showing all her fangs.
« I could say a lot of things, but I'll just say that : it feels good to have fun for once. We're back, keep the seatbelts close to you. »
It's the last thing she says before disappearing and time goes back to normal, allowing the Bea Arthur to be destroyed by the laser.
This time, it's for good. But, after all, it wasn't where our eyes needed to focus. What was interesting would happen elsewhere.
Some end notes:
- The little bit showing Abby Park being really proud of her destructive spree comes from the end of Local Heroes. It was literally the previous story at the time I did the chapter and I thought it will be a funny joke, not an important nod or anything. Just a goof.
- The section showing the Midnight Crew in the flower shop was originally supposed to be in the last chapter of Another Side of the Glimpses, but I wanted the chapter done so badly that I actually forgot to write it and posted the chapter as its final iteration and I realized it afterwards. So, I said to myself "Meh, I'll use it for the sequel" and here you go. Pretty happy with how it turned out.
- The song I've used is What I Want, by MUNA. Originally, I wanted to use N95, by Kendrick Lamar, but I quickly realized that it wasn't really clicking (especially with my mood improving a lot due to some Internet friendships I managed to rekindle for good, which was very important for me and made me very happy). Then, I thought about What I Want and the fact that I wanted to make Pighead' sing it (in her own way, of course) at one point... and so, I tried for this chapter and it just clicked. It really mixes perfectly the teenage-like joy and the "fuck you, I'll think of me first and I don't care if it screws us all" side of the character (in addition of being a good way to show my personal state of mind, right now) so yeah, I think it was the better choice.
And I think that's all I have to say for now! So, thank you for reading, if you have some words to share with me, please, post a comment and, for the rest, I'll see you next time!