by The Pighead
Finished this late. Again. I know. But, at least, MY GOD, I'VE FINISHED IT. AFTER SO MANY MONTHS. I THOUGHT I WAS ABOUT TO GO CRAZY, FOR REAL!
Anyway, sorry for the wait, real life stuff kicked my ass real hard but it's slowly ending, summer vacation is coming and I'll be able to release things more regularly, with luck. So, without further ado, here's the chapter, enjoy it!
In which the Multiverse decides to act rude.
Is it finished ?
The best thing with having too many ideas all the time was that when you had that, it took a long time before declaring that your business was finished.
The Pighead was no exception to this rule, of course. There was always new things to start and one of the examples she had to prove it was the wallet she was holding in her right hand. She was back in her headquarters and everything was fine. Just to reinforce the « being fine-ness » of this day, D.E.L.I.L.A.H. was here, taking care on some papers. She turns to her boss when she enters the room, looking surprised.
« You're already back ? »
« Well, yes, bien sûr ! My dear, I already told you : there's nothing that I can't achieve. What I just did is another proof of that ! »
The android shrugged a little bit.
« We have started to… work together since just recently. Like, I have an idea of what you're capable to do, especially since the Frog King' defeat but, you know… it's always like that when you start working with a new person, I guess. »
« Yeah, yeah, I get what you're talking about, responded Pighead softly. Like, I really do. But you don't have to worry about me, for real ! It's the best thing when you're the one in charge : you can do your thing the way you want and take all the time you want because you know you'll made it out fine at the end ! »
As always, her tone of voice was full of glee. Deli' didn't seem entirely convinced but it wasn't a problem for the author. She had all the time in the world to back up her claims even more.
« If you say so, boss. »
« Anyway, my little trip proved once again to be quite fruitful. Check it out ! »
She unceremoniously pulls a wallet out of her pocket and throws it on a nearly table. D.E.L.I.L.A.H. gets up to see what it is about.
« So, I admit, this wasn't really part of any great plan or something like that – at least, not any plan I already have in mind – but there was one douchebag I really wanted to mock because he nearly bored me to death one time. So, I stole this little thing over here and when I saw what was inside it, it made me think about… things. »
She opens up the wallet.
« More specifically, about people who lost their lives and don't serve any purpose after they die. I believe this would be a pretty great thing to try. »
The android, at first, raises an eyebrow because « a pretty great thing to try » isn't really something she would use while talking about dead people. Then, she looks at what is inside the wallet. She almost recognizes what – or who – it is.
« Is this… »
« Not technically. In this Multiverse, the Prime version is very different. This one is just a mere offshoot… but an useful enough offshoot, especially when we now have the technology to bring people back without problems. »
« And you believe he could serve your purposes ? »
« Yup. What one of my purposes, I don't know yet, but he will. »
The two women, then, look on the body of their « guest ». Especially the marks and wounds.
« Well, at least, when he will not have Lord English' poison all over his organs anymore. We'll do that later. For now, put him somewhere… anywhere he can fit in. For now, we're focusing on Jack. I know exactly where to send him, now, so he will be the top priority. After that – or when we will have other employees – we will take care of this guy. »
And after that, Pighead & D.E.L.I.L.A.H. unceremoniously take the dead body of Meat!John Egbert away, ready to serve as a probable Chekhov's Gunman.
Go back to the present.
June Egbert felt like she had her head assaulted by a bunch of hammers. She knew that she had to open her eyes but God, she didn't want to at all. Especially after her memories of the last hours suddenly decided to turn into a big bowl of soup.
Last thing she clearly remembered was that she was in the Bea Arthur while Robo-Jack… Slick was actually explaining what he and his gang were doing here. Then, there was a split-second memory of what seemed to be a laser coming at them and one of a… pig, for some reason ? Then, she found herself falling into a sea but with water who was dark and felt more like it came from New Orleans' bayous, something murky and a bit gross. Everything around her was black and there was no sounds, except maybe some coming from the sea.
She turned around but couldn't see anything… except, to her surprise, Lil' Cal, Dave' old puppet. He looked like usual, except for his closed eyes and his typical exaggerated grin reduced to a slight smile and a peaceful expression. June tried to approach it but when she got close enough, a sort of weird golden energy started to emanate from Cal' hands and quickly took over his body. The last thing she heard was the puppet yelling a big « CHECK ! » as the energy caused the place the two were to be drowned with blinding light.
And now, she… woke up. It was just a weird dream. Probably her weirdest dream ever. Even the times she dreamed in anime weren't that bizarre.
June : Get up.
The Heir of Breath didn't got up. But she opened her eyes and could realize that she was lying on a grey ground who felt extremely cold on the touch (if the sensation in her cheek was anything to go by). And, most importantly, she didn't hear a sound, except for good ol' wind and some birds chirping. None of the others were here with her.
After a minute, the lady in blue decided to finally get on her feet and finally could see where she ended up. The first thing she noticed, almost immediately, was the complete absence of color in everything around her. She was on the top of a giant building, with no human presence seen on the horizon. Or maybe there was and she was just too far away from it to see.
No time for this. You have friends to find !
Which was true, but there was one problem : where could she start searching ? Like, there wasn't any clue of where they could be or even where she was (just so you Earth-Prime readers can note it somewhere, this Earth is Earth-31141). But she also couldn't stay here, looking at nothing and doing nothing. She and the others still had a mission to accomplish !
She decided, after deliberating with herself for some seconds, to actually move. It would be better than just snooping around.
So, June started flying. She looked around her and quickly came to the conclusion that there was really not a whole lot of human presence in this world besides herself. At least, not in where she was. She was almost sure she could discern human forms down in the ground but it was all.
Meh. It wasn't a big deal.
The Heir of Breath, then, spent the next five minutes casually flying and looking at this grey world without giving much of a thought about it…
June : Well, maybe give a thought about something else.
It took only several seconds for any « something else » to made its presence known, as June started to hear footsteps coming her way. Turning to the source of the noise, she saw, to her surprise, two young women running towards her direction. The first one had pink hair, blue eyes and wore a red t-shirt, white jeans and Doc Martens, while the second had more brownish hair (which were way longer and made in a ponytail), green eyes and wore a white shirt, blue jeans and Converse. Before the Heir could even ask why they were running, the one with brown hair only said one word.
« RUN ! »
Then, they kept doing so. At first, the Heir of Breath stood there, confused. It changed when she heard noises again, this time more booming… and suddenly saw a gigantic wall of solid white coming right towards her and consuming the buildings in its way.
June : Try to get acquainted with these two women you just saw running for their lives.
In any other context, trying to start a conversation with other people when you're flying and they're running could be possibly seen as ridiculous. But when you're busy running from something that seems very willing to swallow you, no one has the time to analyze the potential amount of silliness in such a scene.
So, it took only some seconds for Egbert to catch up to the runners.
« hey you know what is happening ?, she asks while staying calm.
« I think that if we knew, responds the girl with pink hair, we would have already thought of means to stop it ! We don't even know where it comes from or where are we even. »
« cause you're not even from here ? weird, that's the same for me. y'know, this is the same sort of things that happen in… nearly all the movies i've ever watched. people who come from different places and are here because someone or something was in a silly, goofy mood ! »
« Listen, Ma'am, interrupts the one with the brown hair, I'm pretty sure all of this sounds very interesting to hear but right now, if you had any way for us to escape this… thing, it would be very much appreciated ! »
The worry in her tone could be easily perceived and June admitted to herself that, indeed, it would be better to just run and talk later.
« maybe i could carry both of you to a further place ? i can fly, that would be helpful ! »
« That would be appreciated, yes-AH ! »
Before the brown-haired woman could finish her sentence, she got suddenly punched in the back and fell to her face. The other two turned around to look what caused this and found themselves facing… a shadow. A literal shadow. Except for its definitely human-like silhouette and body, there was no feature that could be seen on the creature who could allow anyone to guess what it was.
But it was definitely hostile, as it immediately ran towards June, ready to punch her.
June : Explain calmly to this champ why your title is « Heir of Breath ».
Egbert only had to use a small fraction of her powers to create a wind strong enough to push the attacker on the right, making it slipping and falling.
« You're alright, Monika ?, the pink-haired girl softly asks while her friend was getting back on her feet.
« Huh huh. I am. Just… was a bit surprised, it's all. Where does it even come from ? »
« no idea, exactly like for that wall. let's move ! »
June : Be rudely interrupted on your tracks again.
The Heir was about to resume her flying when other shadow beings suddenly landed in front of the three women. Two, three, four, five. They were already prepared (at last, they seemed) and the simple knuckle-cracking they did was a good proof of it.
« uh, June asks while turning towards her two interlocutors, you have some experience in fighting ? »
« Absolutely not ! »
« I was able to hack the world of the game we were living on and control it ! Wasn't entirely very good at it, tho. »
The blue lady raised her eyebrows at this sentence.
« …what ? »
« Complicated story, Monika responds with visible nervousness, was in a bad place… don't think too much about it ! »
Great, June thought. That'll be complicated… but that doesn't mean I won't try !
One of the shadows runs towards Egbert. She uses the wind to blow it away. Another one tries a jump in order to punch her. It gets pushed to the left and falls off of the building. A third one tries to grab her arm. It ends up with June' foot on its knee (or, at least, the place where the knee should be) and the wind making it trip and fall on its own face. A fourth one tries to make her trip too and gets punched in the face.
At least, those shadows act like real gentlepeople, they receive their beatings and defeats one-by-one. If more villains were acting like this, a lot of things would be simpler. Oh, well.
The only problem, however, was that despite that, others of them were coming and tried to attack. June didn't saw that they were almost everywhere, causing some more chaos, but what she knew way too well was that the wall of white was still moving and would engulf her and her two new friends if they couldn't find a way out of this situation.
The way out came very suddenly, when all the shadows were struck by a blue blur and all fell from the building in only a matter of seconds, to the surprise of the three women. They were only able to take another five seconds to process what just happened.
June, Monika & Sayori : Stop processing what just happened.
And then, the blue blur came back and, before they could say anything, our heroines got snatched by a hand and everything turned into, well… a blur.
Narrator : Try to come up with more synonyms, you are repeating yourself.
Oh, wow ! Sorry, I don't know what just happened, I suddenly stopped hearing your commands, it's like someone took a remote control and turned down the volume entirely in one second ! Really don't know how this happened, it was very surprising !
Asshole.
It happened AGAIN ! Could it be the magic of metafiction at work ?
Anyway.
Even if the Heir of Breath and the two literature fans were doing their best to not scream in terror while being actually held, it didn't meant they were 100% calm.
« WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL IS GOING ON ? »
June, trying to look at who those hands belonged, could quickly see that her and the others were held by what seemed to be a hedgehog. An anthropomorphic hedgehog with his fur entirely blue and his eyes, green. In addition, he was wearing a sky blue, sleeveless hoodie, black pants and red and white shoes. His facial expression was the one of something who was as concerned as them about the current situation.
June : Try to answer Sayori' question by asking this distinguished gentleman with an excellent taste in colors.
« uh, excuse me, mister ? »
« Later ! »
Well, OK, his voice too showed that he was actually worried about whatever it was that was happening. Egbert decided to not press matters too much.
« I mean, Monika responds while trying to not sound too afraid, I think I'm speaking for everybody when I say we appreciate the rescue but at least, you could tell us who you are or- »
She didn't find the time to finish her sentence before her and the others fell into a portal who suddenly opened under the hedgehog' foot, allowing them to escape the waves of anti-matter.
June : Be like the other girls.
…what ? I'm sorry, is this a human meme I don't know about ? Or you're trying to be funny ? For once, I really don't know.
June : Be one of the other girls.
Rose Lalonde, at this exact point in time, wanted to stop having the impression that the Horrorterrors came back and wanted to turn her grimdark again for the lulz before leaving her with an intense headache.
What she wanted even more was to not having her head deep into sand anymore.
Hopefully, she got quickly reminded of the fact that she had a loving and supportive wife when she got her head pulled out of the sand by one Kanaya Maryam.
Rose : Spit out the sand you have in your mouth.
Oh, yeah, there's that too. But it just took some seconds for Rose to do that and get back to her feet. She immediately looks at Kanaya and smiles when she sees her wife doesn't seem hurt.
« Is Everything Alright Rose ? »
« …I guess. But, if you would be kind enough to not tell the others about what just happened, everything would be absolutely perfect on my end. »
Maryam' face turned into a smug smile.
« I imagine you will tell them ? »
« Maybe I Will Probably Need Some Time To Make Up My Mind »
« Anyway. »
« But I Will Not Lie Looking At You Waving And Flapping Your Legs Everywhere Is Among The Funniest Things I Ever Saw »
« I, alas, can imagine but if I'm being truthful, this is far from the most embarrassing thing I've ever done in my lifetime. But this is not what I would focus on, right now. We need to get down to business and to respond to a pressing question : why are we not on the ship anymore and why are we alone ? »
« There's Two Questions In This Sentence »
« Which hammers further how pressing it is ! »
The two women looked at their surroundings. They were in a large, desertic plain. There was a very soft wind who was blowing and it was very apparent that they were the two sole people here. Also, the sun was bright.
Rose & Kanaya : Recognize the place.
« Is This Arizona ? I Think I Have Some Memories Of This Desert »
« It… seems that it is. It's been quite a while since the time we went here for vacation, but I still have memories of this desert ! Also, memories of Karkat & Feferi arguing about the heat. »
They laughed.
« It's True Even If Personally My Fondest Memory Of This Trip Was Dave Trying To Convince Hotel Employees That Being Gods Meant We Didn't Had To Pay For Anything »
« Oh, yes, this. You know, even if my dear brother mostly abandoned his façade of irony, this is one of the very few things in which I haven't came to a conclusion over the sincerity or lack thereof when it comes to this little habit he has… »
Kanaya was about to answer when she heard something coming from the sky. Her and Rose turned to see and it quickly made them realize they were back on their homeworld.
A bright red, giant airship was slowly approaching towards them. The fact that it looked already bigger than most airplanes was enough to make them wonder what it was, but it was the presence of a top hat with the mention « Toppat » in the middle-area of the fuselage, as a logo, who definitely confirmed it to them.
The Toppat Clan was among the most infamous criminal groups existing on Earth-413. For years and years, these people spent their time stealing some of the world' most priced jewels and riches. They had a reputation as thieves of honor, believing firmly on the values of loyalty, but still reckless individuals. Whether we were talking about ancient artifacts, giant jewels or items of immeasurable power, a bunch of their feats made them an organization to not underestimate… except that it was some years ago. The last times anyone ever heard of them was 3 years ago and the details about it were pretty scarce, something about a civil war that torn the Clan from the inside.
But now, here was their airship, who didn't look too bad and who was coming close to them. That was enough to make the Seer of Light and the Sylph of Space wonder why they would be here.
So, they decided to wait. There was nothing else they could do for the moment, after all. But if they wanted to try something funny, they would quickly be reminded of why they were among the gods who created this Earth in the first place.
Toppats : Show yourselves.
After waiting for a bit, the airship landed and a group of five Toppats quickly showed up, calmly approaching Rose & Kanaya. One of them, a rather handsome blond guy whose suit and top hat were sky blue, came over and pulled out of his pocket a piece of paper, which he looked at before speaking.
« Uh… so, Misses, I would like you to answer a question : are you Rose Lalonde and, uh… Ka-na-ya… Maryam ? »
« Sven, says another one with two monocles, a white suit and an extremely long black hat, don't tell me you're still not able to pronounce Troll names ? »
« Shut up, Thomas ! I'm trying, OK ? »
« Well, yes, responds Rose in order to prevent any potential argument, as a matter of fact, gentlemen, we are. Because you did this request, I assume it's because you wish for us to follow you for a nebulous reason we will learn about once we came inside your ship, right ? »
The aforementionned Sven immediately took five seconds in order to digest this overtly long sentence before responding.
« I wouldn't say it like that, but yeah. It's that. Not really the place to explain, tho, and there's already someone who will. »
« It's Funny Knowing You I Thought You Would Have Used More Direct Tactics To Make Us Spill The Beans »
« Nah, responds a third one, a woman with long brown hair, a purple suit and a grey-black hat. We did that once, didn't work at all. »
The five thieves looked at each other for one second before Sven spoke again.
« So, yeah, can you come with us ? Like, just so our new boss will finally stop being all secretive and explaining why the hell does he think you're super-important or something. Don't get me wrong, he's good at the job, he gets our spirit and without him, we wouldn't be back at all, but it's so tiresome when I ask questions and all I have is just cryptic sentences about all of this was planned and he knew all along how this thing or that other thing was about to happen and- »
« Well, Rose says again, maybe it's better we agree to your offer. Just so your rant can cease and you can happily sleep again at night. »
Everyone : Go back to the ship.
Because there wasn't any more words to say, the group did exactly that. They were slightly relieved by the fact that they wouldn't have to spend too much time in this desert.
When they entered the airship (which took off shortly after), the former SBURB winners could immediately notice that there was a lot of other Toppats in it, discussing things, drinking various beverages or playing some video games. Rose could notice almost 50 people just in this room (the Lounge Room, apparently).
« How long did it took you ? »
« For what ?, Sven asked.
« Having the Clan running again. After last time, everyone thought you were all gone for good. »
« Miss Lalonde, Thomas responded with visible unease, if you would be kind and not mention that time again, it would be very much appreciated. »
Rose decided to oblige and the rest of the group' walk happened in relative silence until they reached the door leading to the Meeting Room.
« That's here, Sven said once again. The boss is surely already here, so I'll- »
He didn't have the time to finish his sentence that the door already opened. The guy just shrugged like he was used to it.
« Well, yeah, like I said. Let's go. »
The group immediately entered the room. It was pretty spacious, the walls were grey, there was a lot of blue seats and one of them, the most far away from them, was larger than the others, in addition of being turned to the opposite of the others.
« Uh, so I think you guessed it, boss, but yeah, they were here. The exact number of people you expected to see at the exact point you expected them to be. Still can't wrap my head around how you can do this but… »
Then, a voice spoke. Calm, collected & confident.
« Of course, I guessed it, Mr. Svensson. All the predictions I had for centuries came to pass, this one was no exception. But I believe it is now time for answers. Including ones to a question that I know for a fact will be asked just right now. »
The seat in which the owner of the voice was then turned around, allowing the man to show himself. And when his face was revealed, Rose & Kanaya could only respond by having their jaws dropping, as they unwittingly learned the meaning of a precise sentence.
It's always someone you know.
The Inhumans 1.5
And that's it! Before I go, some notes here:
- The entire first section with Pighead and D.E.L.I.L.A.H. took its final form thanks to a Web version of the card game Oblique Strategies, by Brian Eno (famed musician & artist, if you don't know). I'm trying to experiment with some techniques in order to write original things and I thought it was a good idea. Also, things from The Homestuck Epilogues coming back, hoo!
- Earth-31141, the one who was consumed by the Anti-Monitor' anti-matter waves, is the world of the video game Canabalt.
- The appearance of the Toppat Clan (which is, if you don't know, the criminal gang serving as primary antagonist for most of the Henry Stickmin games) and their status on Earth-413 follows on the Toppat Civil Warfare route in Completing the Mission. I will unveil more things about that in the future, at least when I will reveal the identity of their new boss.
- I'm glad L1701E put something in The Inhumans because with that and what I've shown in this chapter, I think you have now an idea of where DEATHFAME will be going next.
And that's all I wrote for now. If I forgot things, it will be on a future commentary. For now, I'm going to sleep. G'night.