Nervous
Have you ever imagined what your future would be like?
When I was in college, I imagined that when I was in my twenties I would have a job stable, my own car and my own apartment. I'd live like a businessman in a city capital and would have a boyfriend with whom to plan a future life.
Of course, this was just a very basic fantasy. I really didn't expect it to be different than it is now. In reality, I am moving further and further away from that fantasy.
Certainly, I already have my own apartment, but work in a private company under the regime of the SMEs cannot be considered so stable. I have my own car, yes, but I didn't buy it myself. And the most important: I have not met the love of my life.
Plus, I never thought I'd be friends with benefits from someone I don't like.
"Kaede, what are you thinking?" Sendoh asks while we wait for the elevator.
"Nothing."
"Hmm, sure. I thought you were daydreaming because you had your gaze lost on the wall. I was not so rough enough to make you hit your head last night, true?" Sendoh whispers with a mocking voice, his eyes looking at me with a flirtatious glow.
The day has literally just begun and he already acts like this.
"Shut up," I murmured. It's been two weeks, but I still can't believe I'm in that kind of place relationship with him. Everything goes according to the agreement we talked about.
We continue as usual in the company, even Fujima couldn't notice the change between us. After work, each us returns to the car. Sendoh usually comes to my apartment three days a week, or I go to his apartment from time to time. Plus, I took a little of my clothes to his apartment to have a change of clothes use to work the next day. So I do not have need to borrow clothes that fit big.
During those weeks, apart from our agreement of being bedfellows, the way we treat each other it hasn't changed. He keeps picking on me and get keep bothering me. Especially in a situation like the one from now...
"Hello, Sendoh-san." A beautiful girl with a sweet voice comes to greet Sendoh. I stare at the person who was called by the name and I can't help but roll my eyes upon hearing his sweet and kind tone.
"Hello Ayumi-chan. You look very pretty today." Sendoh shows his characteristic smile. If I remember correctly, this woman works just on the floor above us. Really I'm not too sure, since we work in a different department, but Sendoh seems to know everyone in this building.
If it were Fujima, I would say that he is just being gentle and friendly. But if it's Sendoh, I'd say he's being a flirt and that he just wants to sleep with her.
"Thank you. You look very handsome today!" She laughs sheepishly and her cheeks start to turn red. The smile of Sendoh expands. I sigh in annoyance and turn around.
Why do I have to stand here and watch him flirt? It's so disgusting.
"Ayumi-chan, are you ready to go back to work?"
"No, I was waiting for a coffee when I saw you. Only came to say hello," she answers.
The moment the elevator door opens. I hurry to enter, since I am getting tired of listen to their conversation. I place myself in the most corner interior to leave space for other people. I hear that Sendoh says goodbye to Ayumi before coming and stand next to me, giving me a slight smile.
Do you know something? Maybe I should have scratched his cheeks instead of back last night. (It would have been better than letting him pretend to be a nice guy in front of others).
As more people enter, the elevator fills up. So much so that Sendoh has to press against me. I can feel his broad chest against my shoulders. While we go up, I silently observe the change in the number of the floor when I feel something touching my back.
The man behind me gropes my butt before wrapping his arms around my waist, squeezing it. I glare at him and he raises his eyebrows before remove his hands from me.
Ding!
When we get to our department, I leave quickly and look around cautiously making sure that no one saw what happened before facing the person who is behind me.
"Why did you just do that?" I asked with a voice I would be.
"No. It was an accident," he answers with a smile. Innocent, but I can see in his eyes that he is lying.
"Only the idiot would believe it was accidental! This of course you did it on purpose." My eyebrows furrow. Sendoh just lifts the corners of his mouth and he leans in before whispering in my ear.
"I saw that they were squeezing you. I was afraid that hurt you, so I let you lean on my arm. Oh, come on. We've done things more intimate than this, have you forgotten?" His hands go up and touch again my lower back. I quickly remove his hands and I glare.
"I told you not to cause problems in the company!"
"Yes, I'm sorry. It was not my intention. My hand only touched you by chance. Actually, it was an accident," he says, smiling happily. I take a deep breath before to stomp hard on his feet.
"OH!"
"Ah, sorry. My feet stepped on you by chance. Was an accident." I give him a smirk as he frowns. He frowns when he sees that I have stepped on it. I walk away, heading first to the office after clocking in.
Managing to anger me so early in the morning. Looks like today won't be a good day!
Indeed, it is not a good day.
Not only for me, but also for everyone in the company. We have been waiting for the annual salary increase and now that it has arrived, it has made me feel disappointed and frustrated.
Fujima, who had just returned from the meeting with the boss, returns to the office with a sad and dejected face. When the boss announced in the conference room that we were only would increase the salary by 1% this year, my friend immediately leaned back in his chair with frustration and a look of disappointment on his face. Fujima had told me that he wanted to use his salary to invest in some funds, but this source of funds it just grew a little and can't really be used on an investment.
"At least there was a slight increase." Although I am just as disappointed, I do my best to console him. Fujima just nods with a sad face.
He had originally planned to go to the restaurant to eat of barbecues at the shopping center to celebrate the increase, but because the salary only increased by one little, he can only eat a bowl of chicken noodles and bitter gourd near the company.
I sit in front of Fujima, he doesn't stop making noises as he slurps the spicy noodles into his mouth. Maki gives him a handkerchief to wipe off the sweat. I'm surprised seeing Fujima's plate full of red chili peppers.
Fujima never eats anything too spicy.
"Damn it, Fujima! Are you eating or fucking? Why the hell are you moaning?" says Sendoh half in complaint half in mockery.
"The food is spicy and it's hot as hell! And I'm not making that kind of sound!" Fujima replies, with a mouth full of noodles.
"Do you even know how people moan when they have sex? Let me tell you they make sounds like the ones what you are doing right now." Sendoh continued taunting, making Fujima blush.
"You're lying!"
"You don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, how can you know?"
"I've seen porn, idiot! You can't lie to me with those silly tricks!" Fujima answers confidently. I squeeze my lips so as not to laugh.
"Hey! Where do you see it? You have the link? Can share it with me?" Sendoh laughs out loud while he hugs his stomach.
Fujima's eyes widen as he realizes that Sendoh has made fun of him. When he looks at Maki, who can't help but laugh, blushes.
"Sendoh! Bastard!" Fujima screams in embarrassment, hitting and kicking Sendoh out from under him, making the table tremble. The people at the next table start to look at us. I immediately warn them with my eyes, but Sendoh continues to make fun of his childhood friend.
"Come on, Fujima! Do not be shy! All the men they watch porn-oh!" Sendoh shouts after he punches him in his shoulder.
"Can't you eat quietly? Is that impossible? And can you stop bothering him?" I warn him. Sendoh just laughs before sticking his tongue out at Fujima.
These men sometimes fight among themselves as if were children even though they are becoming greater.
I see Maki hand Fujima a glass of water before eat the noodles again. I'm about to give a bite when I feel something caressing my hips, making me paralyzed.
"What's happening?" Fujima asks when he notices that I am stiff.
"No. Nothing." Fujima just nods and goes back to eating. I stare at Sendoh.
Hold your hand far from me! I mouthed in silence as I nervously look at the other two. Sendoh not let me go and even has the audacity to caress my back.
This bastard...
"Wait, I'll go get water for you, Kenji," Maki says in a soft voice before standing up. It is not until the tall intern stands up and Sendoh timidly moves his hand from me, then turns around and continues eating his noodles like it's nothing. I can't help but scream frustration inside me.
I don't know how he manage to make me angry always. Sometimes, I just want to punch him.
After paying the bill, I buy a glass of lemon tea-ice to quench my thirst and have something to drink while I wait for Fujima to finish buying his own. Fujima returns not long after.
"You can go back to the company first. I will go to the pharmacy." He tells us as he takes a sip of his drink.
"What are you going to buy, Kenji? Are you OK?" ask Maki quickly and seeing his worried expression. I can't help but laugh inside and feel relieved. They are so cute.
"You do not have to worry. I'm very well! I'm just going to visiting someone," Fujima says, extending his hand to pat Maki's head.
"Oh, are you going to see that little guy again?"
A month ago, Fujima was late to the company. He came with a stained and wrinkled shirt. He explained that he had helped a puppy who was being abused. At that moment, Fujima entrusted the puppy to the owner. From the pharmacy while he tried to find him a home permanent. Unfortunately no one got in touch with him. In the end, the owner of the pharmacy adopted the puppy as their own.
"Yes, I haven't visited him for almost a month. I do not know about what size is he now."
"Dogs grow very fast. I probably don't know it looks like how you found it then."
"Yes," Fujima mutters to himself, with a look of pity on his face. During the last month, he had to work hard every day to keep up with the progress of his work. After lunch, he had have to rush back to the company to work. He had no time to visit the puppy.
"Do you want to go see it with me?"
"No, I don't like dogs." Sendoh refuses quickly.
Fujima quickly looks at me. "And you, Rukawa?"
"You know very well that I can't go..." I frowns slightly and Fujima looks confused by a moment before realizing it. He laughs when he remembers the reason.
"That's right. I forgot that you are allergic to animal hair. I'm sorry." He pats me on the shoulder as if I would like to comfort myself. Fujima keeps forgetting, we've known each other for years, and he works at the same department with me, but always forgets that I am allergic to animal hair.
He is becoming forgetful at a young age.
"Okay, then you and Sendoh go back to the company first. And you Shin...?"
"Yes, I will go with you." Before Fujima could finish speak, Maki interrupts him with an enthusiastic expression showing how much he wants to spend time with my friend.
But, of course, my friend, as always, does not realized it.
"Very good! Go back to the company first. But I do not want you both kill each other when on the way." Fujima reminds us.
"Worry about yourself first! Maki, take a good care of Fujima. A car could hit you if you don't have careful," Sendoh mocks, making Fujima curse him. I can't help but shake my head and massage my temple as I watch these childhood friends. Without wait for Sendoh, I turn around and head back to the company.
"Wait for me!" With long strides, Sendoh manages reach me.
"Do you like dogs, Kaede?"
"Yes, they are pretty. Why you do not like them?"
"Actually I like dogs."
"But right now you..."
"Why should I go with Fujima? Isn't it better to let Maki accompany him? It's been a month and still no progress. I was just helping him." He laughs.
Hmm. Sendoh seems to be too familiar and close with Maki and that worries me a little.
I look with distrust at the person walking next to me. I know Maki is a good man, but the problem is that the person next to me is not. As long as they're together, I'm worried something might happen. Who know, Sendoh could plant some strange ideas in the Maki's head.
"What are you looking at?" Sendoh asks when he notices that I'm looking at him out of the corner of my eye.
"Nothing," I replied before taking a sip of my tea. By out of the corner of my eye, I see him look behind me, before lean closer.
"Actually, there is one thing that I like more than dogs, don't you want to know what it is?"
"..."
"Do the doggy style. Oh, I love that," he says with a smile on the face. I can't help but choke with my drink.
"Oops!" He laughs as he rubs my back with his hand.
"Idiot!" I cursed. Sendoh keeps laughing while he looks at me fixedly.
Goddammit!
"Ouch!" he shouts after I give him a strong blow on the arm. "Gosh, calm down!"
"Bastard!" After scolding him, I turn around immediately and look around, fearing that someone has heard us. Thank God, it didn't happen, no one there.
"I told you not to speak like that in public!"
"No one has heard it. No problem." He puts his arm around my shoulder, smiling before leaning towards my ear, whispering. "I know you like it too. Each once we're in that position, you can't help but moan.
"If you say one more word, I will pour all this ice-tea on your head!" I glare at him and I'm about to open the lid. Sendoh keeps laughing with tears in his eyes.
"Yes, that's fine, no more." He raises his hands in sign of surrender.
I sigh before walking in front of him. No wonder he doesn't have a partner. It would be unfortunate that someone has him as a boyfriend.
It's already past noon. Most of the employees just finished their lunch and go back to work. I enter the office building, Sendoh behind me. While waiting for the elevator, I see a figure standing approaches from the corner of my eye.
"Your girl is there, why don't you go say hello to her?" I gesture for Sendoh to look up, pointing with his head at the beautiful girl who is standing in front of the cafeteria. I don't know her personally, but I know she works on the ground floor. It seems like she likes Sendoh because she never loses her temper. Opportunity to greet him every day.
"No, come on," he says with a frown that makes me surprise. His face looks disgusted.
I suspect that he does not like to see what happens.
"Sendoh, didn't you want a coffee?" I ask out loud, emphasizing his name. I feel that the corners of my mouth tightens upward when I notice that the woman is returns in our direction.
"Hey!" he curses before glaring at me. I play innocent and pretend I didn't do it on purpose.
I have always wanted to find opportunities to make fun of him and this moment is that opportunity.
I look back at the girl and see her walking towards us. I am secretly satisfied with the result. I decide to leave Sendoh behind and wait for the elevator alone, but the person behind me is much more fast.
"Manager!"
"Oh! What's wrong, Mr. Sendoh?"
I wrinkle my nose and see that Sendoh is speeding up and walking towards the company manager who also wait for the elevator. He smiles kindly at manager and starts chatting with him. Refering to woman from the cafeteria, she stopped immediately when she saw Sendoh talking to the manager, abandoning her desire to come up and say hello.
Damn! You saved yourself this time, Akira. I murmur as he entered the elevator, disappointed at not having caught it.
This time you were lucky.
I walk into our office as Sendoh continues talking with the manager. I go to my desktop, open the file which I was working on and continue to do my job. Shortly after, Sendoh enters the office. He walks directly towards me, his eyes filled with a slight inconvenience.
"Were you taking revenge on me?"
"Maybe. Maybe not," I respond indifferently. Sendoh clicks his tongue and is about to say something, but he is interrupted by a colleague who had just entered.
"Sendoh-san! I just met that girl who work below. What is her name?" Hikoichi, a junior programmer, approaches. Sendoh sighs before respond with a lazy voice.
"Yuki-chan."
"True! She asked me if you've been busy with the work lately. She hasn't seen you in the cafeteria since some days ago."
"And what did you say?"
"I told him that you were very, very busy with work and that you don't have any free time."
"Very good." His deep, hoarse voice has a tinge of relief that surprises me.
"Don't you like that person? I think she's cute, difference from the colleagues in our department." Hikochi asks exactly what I feel curious. Sendoh's attitude towards the girl is very good regardless of point of view, so it's strange that he says that he doesn't like her. Sendoh is usually friendly with everything the world. I had never seen him try so hard to avoid someone like that.
"She is too intense. I do not like her. She has been to following me and every time we talk, she doesn't stop doing too many questions even though we know each other for a short time now. Think about it, she's like this before that something happens between us. What would she be like if we are really together and in a relationship?" Sendoh answers his questions with a serious tone.
Hmm. It seems that our free man does not like to be controlled by others! To be honest, that kind of people are very suitable for a person flirtatious and cunning like Sendoh.
"It's true." Hikochi nods his head.
I look at my computer screen and decide to ignore their's conversation and concentrate on my work, but Hikochi's next question makes me prick up my ears and eavesdrop.
"Uh Sendoh-san, what's your ideal type then?"
"Why you ask?"
"Every time we go to a bar, you choose a partner very quickly. I wonder if you have any type specific or something like that."
"It's just for a one night stand. What do you think?" Sendoh mocks. I put my eye white. As it was wait.
"So you don't have any specific type?"
"Indeed, I have one."
"Like which?" Hikochi asks, eager to know. I lose interest and I am about to continue working when Sendoh speaks.
"A person who can look sexy and seductive without even try it. A person who can attract me just by sitting down. That's my type."
I feel an intense gaze from behind me. Suddenly, the atmosphere around me begins to become strange, and an uncomfortable feeling rises to my chest.
"Wow, your answer is just as I expected!" Hikochi says before coming up to me and touching my shoulder.
"And what about you Rukawa-kun, do you have any type?"
"Someone who isn't a casanova," I reply briefly, making them laugh.
"It was very obvious that Sendoh-san had no possibility." Hikochi turns and pats Sendoh's shoulder. Sendoh looks at me and pretends to be heartbroken.
"Oh, Kaede. How could you? You just broke my heart."
"One way or the other?" I look at him and then turn my face away. I go back to focus on the work in front of me and let it the two programmers continue with their talk.
Actually, I don't even know why I heard their conversation first. And whatever the type Sendoh's ideal, he has nothing to do with me.
Working in the afternoon is always miserable. One of the reasons may be that I have to go to work early in the morning. Also, a complete meal at lunch I get sleepy. I hear Fujima complain about that his eyes get tired while he grabs some sandwiches from Maki's desk to eat. I also have a little sleep, so I look away from the computer towards the small bamboo pot that I just bought and I put it on the taking advantage of the desk to rest my eyes.
But my sleepiness doesn't go away, so I decide to go to the bathroom to wash my face.
I turn on the tap, take some water and pour it on my sleepy face, feeling much fresher. After grabbing some towels to dry my face, I decide to go back to work. Just then, Sendoh enters the bathroom with a cup of coffee.
"Too much work today. I doubt I can get out early. I think I'll have to stay." Open the faucet to wash the coffee cup, Sendoh looked at me and question. "Will you stay too?"
"No. I have finished all my work for today."
"Lucky. Then you go back first. I will go in when I finish my work."
"Go where?" I frowns after hearing his ask.
"It's a strange question, but it's okay. That usually we do at night?" he responds with the corners of his mouth turning up.
"Today you will not go to my apartment."
"What? Why?" Sendoh's smug smile disappears quickly.
"You've been making fun of me all day. Do you think I'm still in the mood to be with you?" I grumble. "I told you not to cause problems at the office and you didn't listened."
"Oh, come on. Don't be so serious. I'm sorry..."
"And after apologizing, what? Do you plan to stop and leave to mess with me? If you're not sincere, what's the point of apologize?" I scold him with a stern voice.
I know Sendoh likes to make fun of people and I doesn't. He does it with bad intentions, but sometimes he bothers me a lot. Also, I don't want others to suspect of our relationship. If I don't make my annoyance clear, he won't stop.
"So I really can't come see you today?" The expression on his face disappears in an instant, leaving only one question asked in a serious tone.
I sigh and about to respond when my phone rings suddenly. I take it out before pursing my lips when I see the name person who's calling.
"It's your mom, aren't you going to answer?" Sendoh asks me when he see that I'm staring at the phone. I take a deep breath and I'm about to press the button to answer the question call when the sound stops. Not even some seconds later my phone is bombarded with messages.
"Why don't you ever answer when I call you?!"
"When are you coming back home?"
"I see! Now that you are an adult and have your own money, you don't have to see your parents again, right?"
"Come home this Saturday so your father can stop complain! He's getting annoying!"
It's not the first time my mother forces me to go back to home. She wants to see me not because she misses her son, but that she only wants to please her husband, that he wants to see his adopted son. It is the third time that she send a message in two weeks. That disgusting her husband seems eager to see me. Every time when I see his face, it makes me want to vomit.
"What's happening?" asks him grave and deep voice with a friendly tone.
I shake my head and put my phone away. "Nothing. My mother just told me to go home."
"Then go home. We'll see each other another day." he says, turning off the tap before taking the cup from him.
I hesitate for a moment, but...
"Akira."
"Hmm?"
"Tonight... you can come if you want," I say quietly, completely avoiding his gaze. He is stunned by for a moment, with eyes half-closed by the confusion.
"Aren't you going home?"
"No, it's been a long time since I'm going," I respond, without wanting to tell him that it's not my home in absolute. It's just my new family's house mother. Furthermore, that house reminds me of everything that I try to forget.
Some years have passed since that incident, but every time I set foot in that place, it's difficult.
"I'm sorry." Sendoh's voice sounds, although it does not mentions, I can tell that he apologizes to me for talk about my family. I shake my head telling him that alright.
"Just let me know when you arrive. I'll come down to pick you up," I say, before leaving the bathroom.
At first, I wasn't going to let Sendoh come to my apartment tonight because I couldn't stand it what he had done today. I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to teach him a lesson, but when I saw my mother message, a feeling of discomfort arose in me as instant. I don't want to be alone tonight.
I settle into my chair and continue working. I hear Sendoh steps nearby. I look up and find myself with his gaze for a second before he turned away the sight and return to his seat to work.
Ding!
"See you later."
I look at the message from the man behind me, then I lock the screen of my phone, I relax for a little and I continue to concentrate on the work I have in front of.
Although we are not close friends, after knowing him for so many years, I realized that he knows when to be playful and when to be serious even when he's a little annoying. As for sex, he is not a selfish person who only cares about pleasure of himself. Unlike my exes. He worries too for me. He knows what my body wants and responds to my demands.
His bed skills are excellent. Sleep with him can make me forget about the problems that I don't want to face yet, and he can leave my head blank for a while. He makes me feel as if he had diverted me to another dimension, and not I wouldn't need to worry about any other sensation than not his touch.
If only for a short time. For me, that's enough.
Will be continued...