Anxiety
Without realizing it, Sendoh and I have been months being friends with benefits.
Everything went smoothly according to our agreement. Furthermore, our development in bed it's been enjoyable so far. Sendoh has never forced to do something that I don't like or that would make me feel uncomfortable. And when I say I don't want to continue with what he is doing or don't want something in general, stop immediately. Even the way of interacting between us in the office has improved a little. Now we can talk to each other as if we were best friends for years. Our discussions have also decreased. The less Sendoh mocks me, the more pleasing he becomes in my eyes.
Sendoh has been very good about following our agreement and he has not broken any of my conditions, but in this moment... I can't say the same. He has done something that I told him not to and now I'm irritated.
Only dressed in a robe, I leave the bathroom with a expression of annoyance and I go directly to the owner of the house that continues sleeping.
"Akira! Hey, wake up!"
"Hmm..." Sendoh just makes a soft sound before to move his body under the blanket. He looks like he doesn't have the intention to wake up, so the subject of the shoulders and shake him vigorously.
"Eh what?" he murmurs confused.
"Wake up!"
"Okay, okay." He sits reluctantly on the bed, barely awake.
To be a person who just woke up and has messy hair, still looks good. As a model on the cover of a magazine.
"Have you finished showering?" Sendoh asks with a voice he snores before pulling me towards him. He goes to bed, pulling me with him, my back is against his chest and he wraps his arms around my waist. I try to get away from him, but he just burys and rubs his nose on my neck.
"You smells so good."
"Stop now!" I quickly move it away before things get out of control. I turn to look at him before pulling at the opening of my bathrobe to show him what he has done. "What is this?"
Sendoh rubs his eyes and squints at me. He raises his eyebrows and says, "Oh, is that a Hickey?"
"I told you not to leave marks on my body," I say with serious voice. It's partly my fault for not realizing it. Last night since he was fucking me very well. Just I saw this morning. I made it very clear from the beginning that I don't like to see any kind of marks on my body. Although my neck is almost always covered, I still being afraid that someone will see it.
"I forgot it. I couldn't control myself last night. I'm sorry." Is obviously he is not sincerely apologizing. Based on the slight upward movements of the corners of his mouth.
"Come on, don't look at me like that. I won't do it next time, I promise." Seeing the expression of dissatisfaction on my face, he immediately pretend to be serious and try calm me down.
I sigh heavily, as if I accepted my fate, and I squint my eyes to look at that smiling man.
"Go take a shower or we'll be out late and we'll be stuck in traffic!" I give in and stop giving importance to the matter. I open the closet, take out my shirt and my pants and put them on. At that moment, it sounds a whistle behind me. I immediately turn around and see a tall figure with only a towel around his back lower body of him entering the bathroom.
Tell me, how can I trust this person?
"Today I will go up first. Please buy me a coffee. I'll take whatever you take," says Sendoh as soon as we arrived at the company. I nod and leave it. Waiting for the elevator alone while heading to the cafeteria of the building.
For some reason, there are many customers who make the queue reaches outside the store. My gaze directs an employee from another department and I unconsciously pull on the collar of my shirt. Can't avoid getting irritated again with the idea that Sendoh, who it was his fault, he is sitting comfortably in the office while I'm here, anxious and nervous, thinking too much in that someone can see the mark.
I hold on to the collar of my shirt as I wait for my turn to ask. Just then, I see out of the corner of my eye woman sitting in cafe. I remember her from when I yelled Sendoh's name to mock him. However, Sendoh never mentioned her name. She's he called Yuki-chan?
"Next client, please. Hello, what can we offer?" asks the counter manager, diverting my attention from the woman.
"An ice-cold Americano."
"Only one?"
I was going to order two since Sendoh wanted one, but then I remember what he did last night.
"Yes, only one," I reply and pay for my drink. Few minutes later, I leave the premises with my Americano ice cream in hand. I look at Yuki-chan, who is still sitting in the cafeteria, and she directed me to the elevator.
If Sendoh comes down and meets her... I can't help it. Smirk to think that I will be able to get revenge on him.
"Kaede, where is mine?" Sendoh grumbles when he sees me walking into the office with a single cup of coffee in my hand. I put my backpack and my coffee on the desk before looking at it.
"I did not buy it."
"Oh, come on! What is your heart made of? I asked you that bought me one too," he complains.
I mock a little, I adjust my expression and continue. "Go and line up yourself if you want it so much."
"Good! I'll go. Tch." After speaking, he takes out his wallet from the backpack and comes out with a look of nuisance. I laugh to myself. Will he be more upset if he sees the woman downstairs?
"Did you meet Sendoh downstairs? Why don't you buy his coffee?" Fujima asks me while I'm sitting in my chair, watching Sendoh leave.
"Do you remember the girl from the other department? The girl who always likes to follow Sendoh?"
"Yes, why?"
"I saw her sitting in the cafeteria and thought Sendoh might want to see it," I reply.
When Fujima sees the evil smirk on my face, he knows immediately what I'm thinking. As soon as he imagines Sendoh coming down and meeting the girl in the coffee shop, Fujima laughs. Normally never I would hold a grudge like that, but when I think about what he did, and at that time when he always made fun of me. By the way, it's not so bad that I jokes back.
Good luck, Akira!
It seems that my little revenge was successful because Sendoh returns to the office with an even more bothers. I can feel the daggers in his eyes, but I just stare at my screen, pretending to work while I hold back my smiling.
"By the way, Fujima, I sent you an email."
"..."
"Fujima. Fujima!"
"Ah... huh?"
"I said I sent you an email."
My friend stares blankly at his screen and he doesn't bother to open his email to check it. He just nods his head and continues working. After watching it for a while, I have the hunch that what makes him act like this is related to the internal of him.
"Are you thinking about him?" I ask him. Fujima gives the turned around immediately, the shock in his eyes giving away complete the inner thoughts of him.
"No! I don't miss him. He just went to some place. He'll come later!"
Yeah, he's definitely thinking about Maki. That is well. It means their relationship is progressing.
A moment later, said the men enters the office with a bag of desserts. Fujima looks at the bag fried plantains that Maki bought near our university. Maki watches Fujima carefully until he averts his gaze look towards me. I nod in understanding when he gives me a smile of gratitude.
Maki uses the food to impress Fujima since he doesn't resists any type of food. Fujima can be ignorant of how the inside of his feels, but I can say he won't be when it comes to his own feelings.
I have to admit that Maki's approach and strategy to impress Fujima is really smart.
Today's lunch seemed to be quieter than usual. Custom because Fujima, who is the most talkative among us, didn't go out to lunch because he ate too many fried bananas. He stayed in the office, so just Sendoh, Maki and I went out. We chose to eat at a small stir fry shop next to the company. We just chatted for a while and got involved hurriedly in the mouth the lunch we have ahead, to be able to return to the office as soon as possible.
We are about to return to the office when Sendoh stops and takes out the phone from him. Someone is calling him, it seems like it's one of his hookups based on the beautiful woman appearing as a contact photo.
"You guys go up first, I'll go smoke," he says before walking towards the back of the building.
I frown as I watch him leave, with a hint of displeasure arising in my heart.
Are him really going to smoke? Didn't he think that others can see what he is doing?
Shaking off the strange feeling I have, I sigh and I start walking back. He can do what he want. It's his business, not mine. I am only his bedfellow and I have no right to meddle in his private affairs. Although his attitude about it is a bit annoying.
"Maki, I'm going back to the company. Do you have anything else you need to buy?" I turn towards the men who is my side. He is about to answer me when a scream interrupts.
"Kaede!" Someone with an angry voice calls me. It seems to me familiar, so I turn. My eyes widen when he turns out to be who I thought he was. A tall and handsome man is standing before me and he is none other than my ex.
I stand paralyzed as I watch him walk towards me. Sawakita hasn't texted me for weeks begging me to get back together. I thought he was tired and he had given up days ago. No I was expecting him to suddenly appear right in the company.
Doesn't he think this is considered invasion of the privacy?
"What are you doing here?" I ask in a monotone voice.
"Come on, talk to me Kaede. Stop avoiding me," he demands, holding my hand in the process.
Maki, who is next to me, seems worried and doesn't know what to do. I remove my hand from his grip and look at him with dislike.
"I think we're done talking. We have already spoken before, both in person and on the phone. No I think we have something to discuss."
"But I'm not done yet! I have begged you to sorry for months! Stop playing hard to get and let's resume our relationship," he says, his eyes blinking with anger.
The discussion begins to attract the attention of the passersby and everyone turns their heads and gossips loudly low. I catch my breath and try to suppress the anger and shame filling my heart.
During the days I was with Sawakita, he never showed the bad side of him in front of me until I found out that he had an affair behind my back. After that, he revealed the true face of him. He not only yelled at me, but he also took out his anger against me, but I never thought that he would come here and threaten me like now.
"I'm not going to talk to you anymore and I'm not going to come back with you! And for everyone's sake, stop this now."
"Kaede!"
"I'll say it for the last time. Please go. We do not have nothing more than arguing," I say with a cold voice. My patience is exhausting.
"It was just a small misunderstanding. Because you have than make it a big problem? We still have what to talk." He rushes over and grabs me by the arm with strength. The murmurs and whispers of the employees around us begin to become more powerful.
"Let go."
"No!"
"Please do not do this. This is harassment." Maki rushes in front of me, protecting me from Sawakita. That seems to make Sawakita more angry and he starts to shout.
"And who the hell are you? Don't get involved in things of others."
"No. You stay out of my business!" I shouted at him, with eyes burning with anger. Unconsciously, I approach Maki and I tell him, "And speak well to my boyfriend. He is not like you."
"What?!" Sawakita asks, looking at me and Maki with disbelief. I don't pay attention to the expression of Maki. I just hope him understand the situation I have ahead and just play along with me.
"Are you dating a man like that?!" Sawakita mocks. "I'm sorry, but I don't believe it, Kaede."
"Well, that's your problem. Now I have someone like that and stops bothering me."
"No..."
"Persecuting someone who has already turned the page is the act of a loser, bro." Maki says politely with a fake smile before holding my wrist.
"It's probably best that you stop this. The things can spread quickly on social media these days. Someone around here is probably ready to share your pathetic behavior."
"Fool..." Sawakita is about to go into battle with Maki, but the guards nearby arrive just as in time to contain it.
"Please take care of him. I would appreciate it a lot," says Maki before entering the building, still holding my hand. Murmurs are still heard behind me. I look back and see my ex screaming while they take him out of the place.
I can't believe I had him as a boyfriend. Less bad that we ended.
Maki holds my hand until we reach the elevator. Although there is still concern in their eyes of him, he gives me a smile.
"Thank you for now," I tell him, and he simply denies head.
"No problem, Rukawa."
Neither of us spoke after that and we went back to the office in silence. At some point, my phone vibrates. Seeing that it is Sawakita, I reject his call and I decide to block his number.
I'll let him think that I really have a boyfriend. That way, I hope he stops chasing me. Besides, I want to report him for drug use. He is the son of a famous politician and I don't think his father wants to hear gossip about his own son.
It doesn't take long for the office to fill up with employees who just got back from lunch. What happened below was seen by many and became the subject of conversation after that incident. I can hear the other talk about it. I decide to ignore them and concentrate at work.
"Sendoh-san, Sendoh-san!" Hikoichi calls Sendoh, making me look up. Said person leans on the desk by Hikoichi. Fujima quickly approaches and asks him.
"Where the hell have you been? Don't you know that your friend got into a fight?"
"I was outside smoking and chatting with someone. That friend and what fight?"
"Rukawa's ex-boyfriend came and wanted Rukawa to come back with him." Sendoh immediately frowns and looks at me.
"Yes! It was intense as hell. He was screaming in front of the building. Maki-san posed as Rukawa-kun boyfriend and almost punch him!" Hikoichi releases excitedly, without meaning to left out by sharing what he had seen.
"Really? So Maki, what did you do?"
"I let the security guards take care of him and I got Rukawa out of there."
"They even held hands! They looked like a real couple!" says Hikoichi.
I look at Maki and apologize. "I'm sorry for passing you off as my boyfriend."
"It's okay. I understand. It really seemed like you was stalking at the time. I'm afraid that he even follow you home." Maki looks at me with an expression of worry.
I just smile a bit and shake my head. "I can take care of it. Don't worry. Fortunately, I never tried to take Eiji go to my apartment. At least I don't have to worrying about him following me there and harassing me."
"You will only call the police if he appears again. That's all," says Sendoh, looking at me with a hint of concern in his eyes. We have nothing to do with each other, except for being friends with benefits, but the way he's looking at me...could it be...
Thinking about it makes my heart beat faster, a indescribable feeling blooms in my chest. Don't have many friends and no one really cares about me well-being apart from Fujima, so this is new. Yes Sendoh really worried, it wouldn't be strange, right After all, I am one of his friends. It is not like this?
"Kaede." I'm about to go down to the parking lot basement when Sendoh calls me. I turn to look at him, assuming he has something to tell me. Usually, when there are only the two of us left, he takes advantage of the opportunity to make fun of me, but when we are in the elevator, he just stays silent to my side with an unreadable expression drawn on his face."
"Are you going back to your apartment?"
"Where else would I go if not back to my apartment?" I asked him confused. His face wrinkles, he is clearly not satisfied with my answer.
"Didn't Maki say that your ex could come to your apartment and harass you? I don't think he'll give up so easily." His question surprises me a little because I can't believe that he remembered that.
"He doesn't know where I live. I never took him to my apartment when we were dating. And I doubt he'll show up again. He is the son of a politician. It would be embarrassing for him and for his father if he caused trouble again."
"It doesn't matter," he murmurs softly, Sendoh's eyes turning gradually relax. Seeing his expression, that indescribable feeling arises again in my chest.
Sendoh might be worried about me because I'm his friend of him. But the way he's acting me shows that is not the case. My relationship with Sendoh it's very different from Fujima so seeing him react for a friend it makes me feel strange.
Confronting and arguing is our norm, so watch him worried like that...
"Kaede, are you afraid of him?" Sendoh bows his head, his eyes meet mine.
"Why would I?"
"If you're scared, I can sleep with you later. Either do you want to do something more interesting than sleep?" A playful smile appears on his face, making his strange and indescribable feeling from before would disappear immediately.
I huffed hard, and walked straight towards car without looking back.
"Kaede, come on..."
"We're done for this week." I cut it off and go up to my car. I hear him laugh before he closes the door.
In the end, it had something to do with fucking me. I really have no hope in this person.
I have always felt that my intuition is quite accurate when it comes to people I know. I know how deal with them based on how they behave or how they handle things. But this time, something unexpected happened so it seems that my predictions were wrong.
I told Sendoh and the others that Sawakita would not dare to cause problems again after having been dragged away by the guards that day. I blocked it on everywhere. From that day on, he did not appear again and bothered me again.
He made my life much more comfortable.
But that comfort only lasted a week. He started calling me from another number, not believing that I have a new boyfriend, and he kept insisting that I would change his mind. Fujima suggested that Maki and I would have a date, we would take photos and we posted on Instagram so Sawakita would believe that we were really dating. I refused because I don't think it's necessary to go that far. Furthermore, not I wanted to bother Maki so much. Although I understand why Fujima insisted.
Fujima got it all wrong and he thought Maki liked me so he was planning a date for us.
I don't know how Fujima misunderstood. Really almost never I talk to Maki. And when we talk, it's only when Maki wants some advice. Fujima tends to think too much as well that I asked him to talk to Maki and clarify everything. I know that, if it doesn't come out of Maki's mouth, Fujima won't believe anything.
Furthermore, Maki can take advantage of this opportunity to ask him to be his boyfriend. After all, what Fujima suggested went too far.
On a Wednesday night, I go out and head to the parking next to the company building. Floor park in the basement parking lot, but like there was early traffic, I didn't get to my site on time and I didn't had no choice but to use the open parking lot.
Today I worked until 6:30 p.m. and most of my colleagues have already left. Sendoh also stayed working overtime, saying he still had unfinished work.
The sky looks gray and dark. It seems like it's going to rain soon. And if it rains, it means a lot of traffic. It will be 9 at night by the time I get home.
"Are you finally done with work? I have a long time expecting." A harsh voice rings out, making me stop my steps. I follow the sound of the voice and see Sawakita standing next to my car, his eyes shining with dislike. I can't help but clench my fist.
"No one told you to wait for me," I say coldly, looking at the man who is leaning against my car with a smug smile spread across his face.
"Where has your boyfriend gone? Or did he go with another person?" he sneers.
"...That is not of you incumbence." I stay still and I look around in silence. It seems that we are in a blind spot. If something were to happen, the guards could not see it.
"The boyfriend you mentioned, I just saw him following another person to the car with a smile on their face." Sawakita looks at me with a sad look, clearly mocking me.
I step back when I see him walking towards me, but he is faster. He manages to catch me, his hands hold my wrist tightly.
"Kaede, tell me where your boyfriend is. Where is he? He was not your really boyfriend, right? You lied to me that day." he screams hysterically.
"Whether I have a boyfriend or not, it's none of your business," I say in a voice stern as I try to free myself. Sawakita holds me harder, making me hiss in pain.
"I will not let you go! Is it so difficult to get back with me?"
"I told you that I don't want to be with you anymore!" I snapped.
Sawakita's eyes darken upon hearing that. I can smell a slight smell of alcohol on it.
"Let go of my hand!"
"No!"
"He told you to let him go. You're deaf?" A voice deep and baritone sounds.
Sawakita looks away from me to the man he had just spoken. I am stunned for a moment when Sendoh snatches my hand from Sawakita's grasp with one hand before standing in front of me, protecting me from him. Sendoh smiles, but it's not his smile usual, charming and sweet, the one he uses every time he talks to someone he finds attractive. Is a dangerous and malicious smile.
My heart trembles slightly with worry. There was not I've seen that expression on Sendoh since I met him.
"It's none of your business!" Sawakita shouts and turns to look at me. "Kaede, I know you're lying! That man is not your boyfriend, right?"
"That's how it is! That man is not Kaede's boyfriend," answers Sendoh. He looks at me before wrapping his arms around my waist. "That time he said that because coincidentally I didn't was there. I am Kaede's boyfriend."
"Shit! You're lying..."
Bang!
Sendoh punches Sawakita in the face and throws him to the ground floor. I am paralyzed with worry. Sendoh approaches and grabs him by the neck.
"I don't care if you believe me or not, but I'm warning you right now. Don't bother my boyfriend again if you don't want me to hit you and crush your skull. You understand?" Sendoh threatens him with a low and cold voice, with his jaw clenched in anger.
"You... Do you think I'm afraid of you?!" screams Sawakita with trembling voice. He acts strong, but the way his mouth trembles and his eyes stare at Sendoh with fear says the opposite. He steps back as Sendoh keeps his gaze. I can't blame the guy because Sendoh's aura is scary and dark in this one moment.
"I'm warning you for the last time, if you don't want to get to the hospital with blood dripping from the head, you better go away, shit!" Sendoh's tone makes it clear that his patience is wearing thin. Sawakita gets up from the ground and quickly runs out of the parking lot.
When everything calms down, I stay still, watching staring at Sendoh's back. He approaches me slowly and he extends his hand to me. I want to say something, but I can't find my voice. Sendoh sighs and checks my body with a solemn expression.
"Are you okay?" he asks in a calm, soft voice. Completely different with the way he was speaking before.
"I'm fine," I respond softly, turning my face away to avoid his gaze. Immediately pull my sleeve to review.
"Your wrist is injured."
"It will be fine soon," I reply. My heart has been beating rapidly with fear since before and still has not recovered. But the more Sendoh rubs gently the bruise on my wrist, the faster my heart beats. I'm starting to be unsure of why it's beating so much strong.
"Why did you come here? Didn't you say you had a job want to finish?"
"That's true, but I didn't need to finish it right away. So I decided to come home.Fortunately, I saw you before leaving. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known where you were going. I'd wear that guy," he says, with a tinge of anger in his face. Voice from him, as I looks at the direction Sawakita just had gone. He looks away at me. I said no he would give up so easily.
"I...I don't think he's going to come again."
"You said the same thing last time." Sendoh can't help scold me with a frown. Silence envelops us for a moment before Sendoh decided to break it. He is determined.
"You will live with me, so you won't be alone. At least during this week."
"I'm fine..."
"Let's just leave your car here. Let's use my car today." Sendoh ignores my protests and tugs on my arm. Only then I realize how dominant he is as person. He has no intention of arguing with me again, so I have to let it drag me down.
Honestly, I'm also worried that Sawakita cause trouble again, at least I won't have to only come back if I go to Sendoh's apartment.
It's very quiet in the car. After Sendoh starts the engine, he doesn't start driving right away. He just looks ahead calmly and tries to adjust the environment. I watch him in silence for a while before talk.
"Just now... thank you."
"No problem." He shakes his head, turns to look at me and, after thinking for a moment, he continues. "No you'll hang out with people like that again, right?"
"Well, I didn't know it would turn out to be like this." I have to admit it with pain in my heart. I always believed that. I knew well, but I never thought that when we were dating, the fact that he was so kind and good was just a facade.
"Next time, carefully choose the person with the one you're going to be. Don't just use your heart, but also your head. Get to know it well before having one relationship with him. It may be a good one at first, but after getting what he wants, it will be too late for you to realize that it was just a wolf under the skin of a lamb. Then they will return to you to hurt like that." He says seriously, surprising me. I've known him for years, but I didn't know he was capable in that case.
"Then I should avoid someone like you," I joked, making him laugh. I sigh inwardly when his tense face is relaxing.
"Bastard! How cruel you are to say that to the person who help you."
"I've already thanked you," I replied. Sendoh limits himself to smile, his eyes shine with cunning, showing a dangerous flash. He leans closer and tilts his head.
"What if I say that I don't just want a thank you?" he whispers in low and sensual voice.
"Then what do you want?" I ask, looking at Sendoh through my eyelashes.
It's not hard to guess what Sendoh means. He exactly what he wants.
"I want something like this." I feel the warm breath of Sendoh pounding on my neck before a few soft and warm lips will press against mine. Sendoh's rough hand moved to caress my body, sliding down my sides while his lips followed his tempting work.
The temperature and environment of the car rose quickly like a burning fire.
I wrap my arms around Sendoh's neck and respond to his kiss with passion. Sendoh licks my lower lip, making me open my mouth and immediately introduce his tongue, licking and exploring my insides. Can't avoid moaning at the intensity. A few seconds later, we parted, touching foreheads and panting while we catch our breath.
"My car is tinted," Sendoh whispers before press a kiss to my lips. It moves to unbuckle the seat belt, but I hold his hands quickly.
"This place is very discovered. What if we do when we get home, hm?" I say with a soft and sensual voice. My mouth draws a smile seductively before pushing Sendoh's chest towards his seat of him.
Doing it in the car sounds fun, but the parking is right next to our building company. It's not pleasant to be fucked here. Sendoh just grunts and reluctantly settles into his seat. His jaw is clenched, clearly trying to suppress the lust he is feeling.
"If you want to do it, let's get out of here as soon as possible," he said. We leave quickly after that, but then it starts to rain, making traffic worse. "Shitty traffic!" Sendoh curses. The red light ahead shows no sign of setting in green. Upon hearing the bad-tempered voice of the owner of the car, I smile.
"Take it easy."
Sendoh just sighs with his eyebrows furrowed. It seems to me anaughty idea suddenly occurs. I put my hand on Sendoh's knee, slowly raising it until reached that place.
"Do you want me to stop and fuck you right there?" Sendoh grumbles through his clenched teeth. His hands tense up on the steering wheel when I brushes and rubs of his crotch.
My mouth twitches and I start stroking Sendoh's cock through his pants. The red light turns suddenly green and the cars start moving.
"Drive." I say and continue rubbing his bulge.
Sendoh begins to breathe heavily, his eyes concentrated on the road. I let out a giggle before unzip his pants and take his cock out. I surround it with my fingers and start to masturbate him slowly, provoking him. Sendoh lets out a growl down from the back of his throat before stepping on the accelerator and accelerate. I laugh, clearly having fun making fun of myself.
However, it may have happened to me of the line, because as soon as we return to the apartment, the only thing I can do is lie in bed, beg all night and take it all.
"Hey, are you asleep?"
After being fucked all night, I stay in the bed, still exhausted from lack of sleep. To the listening to Sendoh's deep, comforting voice, I just close my eyes and bury my face in the pillow. A creak is heard before I feels the other man moves out of bed. A big hand and warmly grabs my wrist before I feel him rub something cold. Because of the strong and minty aroma, I can know that it is an ointment.
Everything around me begins to be blurry. Despite of having a cloudy mind, some feelings indescribable things arise in my chest. I'm about to fall asleep, but right at this moment, I know that my heart is full of warmth. Maybe not everything in my life is completely bad.
Will be continued...