It's a race to see who's the fastest: Faker (Blue Color) or Faker (Black Color)! Except this time it's about who can reach orgasm first.
"I'm gonna prove once and for all that I'm the ultimate lifeform!" roars Shadow as he enters Sonic's fleshy pucker, as though being a top is about expressing dominance over the bottom. It's actually not? But y'all seem to eat that up.
"I bet you're too slow and I gotta beg you for that juice." The blue hedgehog butchers his catchphrases. I made him do that.
"No way, I'm going to cum within the next five milliseconds," says Shadow. In case I didn't specify, this is, in fact, a contest to see who can cum the fastest, not who can make each other cum the fastest. This is what the fast hedgehogs want to find out: who's the fastest and not who makes the other faster. I'm not really sure of the point of this contest or why I'm here. I'm in the corner taking notes.
"Fascinating," I say as I doodle a little picture of a stick figure. The stick figure is driving a car. "Riveting stuff, this fucking."
"CHAOS CONTROL," screams Shadow as he shoves a Chaos Emerald into his butthole and blasts an indeterminate amount of semen into Sonic's butthole. I can't see it so I don't know how much. I'm also not watching because I'm doodling this stick figure driving a car.
"NO FAIR," Sonic sez, pushing Shadow off him. "I told you: No using the Chaos Emeralds! We have to find out who's the fastest naturally!"
"Feh," fehs Shadow. "You're just jealous because I'm the ultimate lifeform and you're a lowlife faker."
"You saw, didn't you?" Sonic sez to me. "You saw him use a Chaos Emerald, didn't you?"
"I dunno," I say. "By the way, I think you have AIDS now?"
Sonic just looks at me.
"Yeah, like, Shadow caught it off AIDSy Rose. That's Amy Rose's name now that she got AIDS. It happened off screen."
"What the fuck are you talking about, Mikey?"