My Life's Stranger Than Yours
(A/N: In response to Hawkcam1996's review, I've answered your question in the A/N of the first chapter, but for the sake of clarity I'll say it again: This takes place Post-Buu and Pre-Super on the Dragon Ball Side (Think 'Wrath of the Dragon' and 'Yo! Son Goku and His Friends Return'). On the Ranma Side, it's basically right before the final arc with Saffron since Nodoka lives at the Dojo now).
Versus Happosai! May The Chaos Commence!
"Akane calm the hell-!" Ranma couldn't finish his statement as he rolled away from Akane's fist aimed for his head.
"Do you have any idea what you just did!?" Akane yelled. Grabbing a nearby bamboo sword, Akane swung it as she chased after an acrobatically dodging Ranma.
"Well...yeah, but it was an accident!" Ranma defended as he swayed away from another of Akane's attempted strikes.
"It's bad enough you interrupted our match Ranma!" Akane began. "But you had the gall to lay your perverted fingers on Videl!"
Ranma's eyes lightly narrowed. "It. Was. An. Accident!" Ranma repeated. "I don't even know who...Vital is. I was just trying to catch the old freak!" he argued as he somersaulted away from another attack.
Akane ignored Ranma's words as she brought the sword down once again. This time however, he was prepared to defend himself.
"Saotome Sword Catch!" Clapping his hands together, Ranma caught the sword and held it in place as Akane tried to pull it away. The two briefly struggled for a moment until they heard a shriek of, "Get...OFF OF ME!"
Turning towards the shriek, the two saw Videl furiously trying to pry Happosai off of her chest. At the sight of this, Akane's eyes instantly widened in panic.
"Oh God, NO!" she exclaimed.
"So, ya ready to stop hitting me and help take down the old man?"
Akane let out a sigh. "Yeah, but don't think I'm finished with you yet!" she proclaimed.
"Whatever," Ranma shot back. Releasing his grip on the sword, he and Akane quickly rushed over to Videl's aid.
Speaking of Videl, to say that she was having a horrible time right now would be an understatement. In the last few minutes, she'd been hit with a door, trampled, and groped by a random boy and a lecherous old man (though to be fair, she was sure that it was an accident with the former), and the latter was still clinging to her assets.
"Hmmmm...not very big, but they do feel reasonably firm," Happosai said evaluating Videl's bust. "You're still young so I'm sure they'll get plenty bigger once you get your growth spurt!" he delightfully added.
"Who asked you!" Videl yelled throwing a punch at him. To her surprise, he seemed to vanish in a huff. Crossing her arms across her chest, Videl quickly scanned her immediate surroundings for sight of the old lech. Her search was short lived as she now felt annoyingly familiar tiny hands at her rear end.
"Wha-!?"
"Now this area also feels firm like the top half, but it also feels comparatively softer."
Her face redder than it's ever been before, due to a combination of fury, annoyance and embarrassment, Videl lifted her leg and threw a sloppy backwards kick. Happosai easily hopped over her attack and landed on her leg.
"Ohhhh...I think we have a winner here," Happosai commented as he latched onto Videl's thigh.
Videl was beyond pissed off at this point. She's faced more threatening opponents than some perverted one-foot nothing old raisin, and yet here she was getting taken for a ride, with all of her personal space being violated. 'What. The Hell. IS this guy!?' Videl internally yelled.
Before either of them could react however, Happosai was suddenly launched off Videl's leg and slammed into the wall. Turning to the side, Videl saw Akane and Ranma had returned, the former holding a bamboo sword.
"Videl are you alright!?" Akane quickly asked.
"I feel like I need a cold shower, but yeah," Videl replied. "Nice shot by the way."
"Thanks," Akane replied.
"This fight ain't over yet," Ranma interjected.
Sure enough, Happosai removed himself from his imprint in the wall and stood before the three teens looking visibly upset.
"Oh Akane, how could you not properly introduce me to you're new friend?" Happosai faux sobbed. "And to make matters worse, you interrupted me when I was introducing myself."
"The time for introduction's over old man!" Ranma snapped. "We're ending this now!" All three young martial artists dropped into defensive stances as Happosai narrowed his eyes.
"Hey, Vital right?," Ranma whispered to Videl. "Can you fight?"
"It's 'Videl', and yes I can!" she fiercely whispered back.
"So, you insist on interrupting this old man and one of his few pleasures left in his very limited time left on this Earth eh?" Happosai sneered.
"Believe me, the time you leave this Earth is the day everyone on it breathes a sigh of relief," Ranma shot back.
"Why you! I think it's time I teach you naughty brats a lesson!" Happosai leapt towards the trio who all seperated to dodge him. Faster than they expected, Happosai quickly bounced back towards them, this time with a firecracker in hand.
"Secret Technique: Happo Fire Burst!" With all the strength his little arms could muster, Happosai lobbed the small pyrotechnic at the young trio.
"Look out!" Akane yelled. Her warning came just in the nick of time as Ranma and Videl both flipped away from the ball and the resulting explosion.
"What was that?" Videl asked. 'Was that an energy attack like Gohan and the others can do?' she mentally mused.
"It's just one of his stupid tricks where he throws bombs!" Ranma answered.
"Ya like it?" Happosai taunted. "Cause there's more where that came from!" Happosai proceeded to reveal numerous more firecrackers from seemingly nowhere and tossed them all at his young adversaries.
Ranma quickly zipped in front of the girls and began his retaliation. "Amaguriken!" With blinding speed and expert precision, Ranma struck each of the explosives and forced them back at Happosai.
"Not bad, but not good enough!" Happosai pulled out a pipe and expertly volleyed all the bombs back at the teens, and the fuses on all of them were at the end of their wicks. As they flew towards the three young fighters, they all exploded in a brilliant blaze of smoke and fire.
"Heads up!" Videl exclaimed. As Ranma and Akane each zipped to the sides to get out of the blast radius, Videl opted to hover above the floor and quickly glide backwards, escaping the blast herself.
Her movement didn't go unnoticed by Ranma who briefly froze with a contemplative look on his face. 'Is the smoke making my eyes screw with me, or was she just floating?' Ranma thought. As Ranma continued to wonder about Videl floating or not, his thoughts were interrupted by a large ball landing in his hands. "Oh sonova-!"
BANG!
The blast from that large Fire Burst ball was enough to launch Ranma through the wall into the yard where he promptly landed into the pond.
"Ranma!" Akane shrieked.
"I got him!" Videl exclaimed.
'What happened? Ranma's not one to get distracted like that,' Akane thought. She couldn't dwell on the issue too much as Happosai came bounding back, this time towards her.
Videl floated through the giant hole in the wall and landed besides the garden pond where she saw a familiar red fabric floating in the water.
"Hey...are you alright?" Videl asked reaching for the red cloth.
The red clad martial artist burst out of the water, but to Videl's complete and utter shock, it wasn't who or what she was expecting. For standing where she expected a black haired young man to be, stood a short, red-haired, and curvy young girl who also looked to be around her age.
"Damn that old bastard!" The redhead growled. "He's gonna pay for that one!" she proclaimed while hopping out of the pond. Rolling up her sleeves, she stomped her way passed Videl and back to the dojo.
"Yo!" she called to Videl. "Are you getting back in this thing or not?" she asked.
Videl just stood momentarily frozen before she finally managed to get out, "W-wh-who...who are you!?"
"Me? I'm Ranma, remember? The jerk who trampled you earlier?" Ranma replied.
"B-but-but...wasn't he-? You aren't-! You're a-!"
"Kyaaaaahh!"
The duo turned back towards the dojo as they heard Akane scream.
"Look, I'll explain later, but right now, we gotta help Akane and take down the old freak!" Ranma said sternly.
"Oh! R-right!"
The pair quickly hopped back through the hole in the wall where they witnessed Akane taking swings (and misses) at Happosai with the bamboo sword.
"Okay, Akane's got him on the defense, but what do we do now?" Videl asked.
Ranma smirked. "Fear not Ms. Villa, for I have a plan that never fails!" he proclaimed.
"I told you before, it's Videl!" she corrected. "Also, what plan?"
"This! Hey Old Man!" Ranma called, stepping forward.. Akane and Happosai both turned to Female Ranma's voice.
"Get a load of this!" Without hesitation, Ranma pulled her shirt wide open revealing her ample, bouncing, bust to all patrons in the room.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" Videl exclaimed as her eyes were glued to Ranma's chest and her face became a deep scarlet shade.
"Ohhhhh! Boobies!" Happosai gleefully squealed. Bouncing away from Akane, he instantly launched himself at Ranma where he was promptly met with a fist to the face.
"You never learn, do you old timer?" Ranma deadpanned.
Grabbing the old man by the head, Ranma turned towards Akane who was taking a batters' stance with the bamboo sword.
"Heads up Akane, here comes a...fastball!"
With an efforted grunt, Ranma lobbed Happosai at Akane who promptly swung her weapon and cracked the lech in the head.
"Videl, you're up!" Akane called.
The black-haired girl in question was still eyeing Ranma's breasts as Ranma had yet to close her shirt. 'Doesn't this chick have any sense of modesty!?' Videl internally asked.
"Videl!"
At the sound of her name, Videl snapped out of her minor trance and looked up to see a familiar 'ball' flying towards her. Not wanting a repeat of her earlier encounter, Videl instinctively fired off a roundhouse kick knocking the unconscious elder back into the air.
Ranma gave an impressed whistle, as she finally buttoned her shirt back up.
"Not bad," she complimented. "But I'll show you how it's done!" Darting to where Happosai was set to land, Ranma set herself in place and fired a full strength forward kick launching Happosai through the roof of the dojo and onward to parts unknown.
Dusting off her hands, Ranma triumphantly proclaimed, "And that's the end of that." Putting her hands on her hips, Ranma let out a victorious laugh.
Akane let out an irritated sigh. While she was glad that Happosai had been taken care of, it didn't change the fact that he and Ranma had all but ruined her match with Videl, a match she was positive she wouldn't get another chance to have.
'Wait a sec, Videl!'
Akane was quickly reminded of her idolized opponent. Turning towards the hole in the wall she saw Videl on her knees with the most unreadible expression of shock and confusion on her face ever.
'Oh no.'
Akane slowly made her way over to Videl where she sheepishly asked, "Are...you okay?"
Videl shakily picked herself up and managed to reply, "I...I think I'll be fine."
Akane let out a relieved sigh.
"One thing though."
"Yes?"
"I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!"
As Akane let out a nervous chuckle, the all but forgotten about Nabiki deactivated her camera and casually walked out of the room.
"Well I'd better get started editing this thing," she said. "With this much footage, I might have to pull an all-nighter for some good enough material."
(A/N: This chapter may be a bit shorter than normal, but I figured I'd just get the encounter with Happosai out of the way and leave the intros and exposition for next time. With Happy out of the way (for now) Ranma and Videl can get properly acquainted, and while Videl has plenty of questions for Ranma, Ranma may have a few for her as well)