Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to these characters. They are owned by Netflix and the amazon Shonda Rhimes. The story minus the first scene are completely mine.
A/N: The timeline here is based on my own interpretations of how much time has passed.
"I do not need you to save me. I just need you to stand by me, to hold me, to kiss me." Penelope whispers as she stares into the denim blue eyes belonging to husband. She searches his face for any sign of forgiveness or understanding.
"I want very much to do those things." he responds. Penelope tilts her head, her eyes glistening with tears that threaten to spill over.
"What is it that restrains you?"
"I do not know. But I do know this. Miss Cowper stills hangs over us, and along as you live with this secret there will always be something between us..."
"I know. Perhaps that is the key."
"What are you saying?" Colin asks, his brows furrowing in confusion. Penlope releases a breath she did not know she had been holding and takes his hands in her. She looks down between them, pulling their joined hands to rest against her abdomen. Colin looks down, his eyes dancing in curiosity. When she meets his gaze, tears begin to fill her eyes and she lets them fall.
"Pen?" Colin whispers. She bites her bottom lip as he looks down again at their hands. His eyes widen and he lifts his eyes to hers. He lifts an eyebrow, silently asking the question she hoped he would. She nods, slowly, not sure how he will react to this on top of everything else.
"How long have you known?" he asks. Her heart jumps, thinking he is angry that she has kept another secret from him. She had not intended to keep it a secret, but he had not been very forthcoming with any conversations.
"Colin, I" she starts, her hands starting to fidget in his and drops her head. He releases her hands and cups her face in his own and makes her look at him.
"How long?" he asks gently.
"2 weeks." she admits. Colin sighs, dropping his hands, and walking to the couch.
"I did not intend to keep it from you. I merely wanted to be certain before I said anything." Penelope joined him on the couch, taking his hands in her.
"2 weeks? That's..." Colin stops to think what was happening two weeks ago.
"Our wedding. You have known since the wedding?" he asks, pulling his hands away.
"The morning after. I woke up that morning nauseous but assumed it was from nerves. But it was Rae who figured it out."
"Rae?"
"She was worried that I was not feeling well and then told me that I had not had my courses. She asked if it was a possibility. I almost denied it but knew there was no point. I had planned to tell you that morning."
Colin leans back against the back on the couch, rubbing his hands over his face.
"And I left you alone."
"I do not fault you, Colin. You were angry. Then everything with Cressida happened. I have not had the opportunity to tell you."
"You are sure?" Colin asks.
"Yes. I am very certain." she says, placing her hand over her abdomen. Colin watches the action in awe.
"May I?" Colin asks.
"Of course," she replies and leans back allowing him more room. Colin reaches over, placing his hand next to hers, their fingers lightly brushing against each other.
"Pen." he whispers, his voice breaking at her name. He was still so angry with her but this, this negated all of it. He had known when they had become intimate this had been a possibility, if he were being honest, he had hoped it would. He had been with women before and knew how to avoid an unwanted pregnancy but with Penelope, seeing her writhe beneath him, her face glowing in pleasure and want, he knew he wanted everything with her. Before he knows what, he is doing, he leans in and presses a small kiss to her belly. Penelope shudders and a small sob escapes her lips. He looks up at her, his own tears brimming.
"I have no words to express what I am feeling."
"You are not angry that I am pregnant?"
"Angry? Why would I be angry?"
"Colin, you claimed I planned to entrap you when we were intimate. I feared that the news that our intimacy had resulted in pregnancy would have solidified that claim."
Colin sits up, taking both of her hands in his, bringing them to his lips.
"Pen, I did not mean those words. I know you did not plan to entrap me. I wanted you just as much as you wanted me in that moment."
"Colin, you have no idea how much that pained me to hear. I would have never entrapped you."
"I know that, and I am sorry." Colin leans in, laying his head against her belly and hugs her close.
"Colin, we need to talk about Cressida."
"I suppose we must. You wish for me not to talk with Benedict, how do you propose we deal with her?"
"I have a plan. One, I am not sure you will like but please just let me do this and support me." she asks. Colin sits up and moves to sit closer to her.
"I should like to write a letter to the queen revealing myself to her and to ask for her mercy. I would like to reveal myself to the Ton, in her presence at my sisters' ball. But first, I shall write to your mother, explaining it all. So that she is not surprised at the ball." She explains. Colin, surprising, listens to her without interruption.
"I do not like the idea but if we are to be rid of Miss Cowper once and for all, I shall not object." He leans in and places a gentle kiss to her lips. Penelope sighs at the kiss, her body longing for more. Her desire to deepen the kiss is cut short as a wave of nausea rises in her throat and she bolts to the bin near the desk and emptying the contents of her stomach. Colin is behind her instantly.
"Pen are you okay?" he asks, pulling her hair away from her face. She wipes her mouth with the handkerchief he hands her.
"I am. Another pregnancy sign." she replies.
"How often?" he asks, as he helps her back to the couch.
"I was under the assumption that it was just the mornings but lately it has been all day. I am constantly nauseous but also ravenous. However, the thought of eating makes me feel worse."
"How have you managed to keep this hidden from me or Eloise for that matter? The two of you have been glued to each other since your reconciliation." he asks, genuinely curious. Penelope bites her lip then scrunches her nose.
"El knows, doesn't she?" he asks, grinning.
"She does, but only because she caught me throwing up the day you went to see Cressida. She refused to let me move for fear I was deathly ill. I had to tell her to stop fussing. Keeping it from you was not my intention, I just did not know the right time to tell you. I was afraid. But today, watching you all as you watched your mother play with Francesca, I knew it was the best time. This baby deserves to be born into a family that is not built on deceit or lies. I have thought about this for a few days, and I know this is the best option. I cannot continue to live a double life when the safety of our child hangs in the balance. I do not wish to tell anyone else about the baby until this is over, no matter what the outcome may be. Will you stand by my side?"
Colin stands to his feet, pulling her up with him.
"I will support you in this. For you, for our son, for us." he says, placing his hand against her belly once more.
"Our son? Are you so sure it will be a boy?" she asks, turning so her back is pressed against his chest. She closes her hands over his, resting them against her.
"It's a father's prerogative to wish for a boy first, is it not?" he asks. Penelope laughs, shaking her head.
"I would have thought you'd want a daughter to dote upon."
"Oh, I do, did you not think we'd have another?"
"This one is not yet born, and you are talking of a sibling?"
"Pen, you are married to a Bridgerton."
"Point made. I must go home to write letters to your mother and the Queen. I think you should stay here until your mother receives hers. She may have questions."
"I believe you may be right. Please be careful and I shall see you soon." he says, placing a kiss on the top of her head. He releases her from his hold and follows her out of the study.
Penelope easily slips away from the party going on in the drawing room as Colin slips back in. Eloise was the only one to notice him re-enter alone. She walks to him, noticing the small smile across his face. Eloise grins and nudges his shoulder.
"She's told you." Colin's grin grows wider.
"She has, but the fact that you knew first is rather annoying."
"To be fair it was not entirely her fault. She was ill, like grossly ill and I thought she may be dying. She only told me, so I would leave her alone. I made her stay on that couch until you arrived for fear of her being sick again. I think she was truly relieved that someone knew though. After she told me, her hand never left her abdomen as if she were protecting it."
"I would appreciate you not calling my child 'it.' The baby will be your niece or nephew."
"See this is why I told Pen two years ago that we needed to learn how one came to be with child before it happened to one of us."
"She learned. And she rather enjoys it." Colin says with a wink.
"Oh gross. She is my best friend, and you are my brother. I do not need those thoughts in my head." she exclaims, shuddering.
"I need you to do something for me." Eloise turns to face him.
"What is it?"
"Whatever happens next week, please do not leave her again. With everything happening with Miss Cowper and now with the baby, she needs you."
"Colin, what..." she starts to ask but he cuts her off.
"Just promise me."
"I promise." she says, nodding.
"Thank you, El." he says and hugs her before retreating to his room in the Bridgerton house. A few hours later, enough time for Pen to write her letter and for it to be delivered, Colin leaves the room and goes downstairs to find his mother.
"Colin! I have received a letter from your wife!" she exclaims as he descends the stairs.
"We had better sit." He tells her and leads her to a private room. There he takes the letter from his mother to read it.
Dear Lady Bridgerton,
I am writing to you not as your daughter-in-law or as a family friend. This letter may come as a shock to you and may change the way you think of me. First let me say no matter your feelings at the end of this letter, please know I do indeed love and adore your family with everything that I am. Despite my tendencies to hide among the flowers and decorations at balls and events around the Ton, I am no mere wallflower. I am Lady Whistledown. Colin and Eloise know of my identity and have kept my secret, until now. Please know that the things I have written in the past in regard to the Bridgertons has been purely to protect the people I love most in this world. I know now that I was misguided and selfish, particularly when it came to writing about Colin. I have loved him in secret since the moment I met him. The truth of my identity was the cause of the demise of my friendship with Eloise. She found out my secret last season at my Mama's ball. She was angry with me and rightfully so. I was only trying to protect her but in doing so, I nearly ruined her completely.
I have decided to reveal myself to the Ton, in the presence of the queen. I have written to her revealing myself to her and asking her to come to my sisters' ball so that I may ask for her forgiveness and publicly apologize to the Ton. I wanted you to know before so that you were not bombarded with the news of my identity. Please know I am remorseful and hope that one day you too will come to forgive me, as Eloise has.
Yours truly,
Penelope
Colin folds the note and hands it back to his mother. She is shocked to say the least.
"She is Whistledown?" she asks. Colin nods and pours his mother a drink. She takes it and nearly drinks the entire thing in one breath.
"She has asked that I let her do this on her own."
"Why has she decided to come forward now?
"Miss Cowper has discovered her secret and has threatened to tell everyone if Penelope does not give her £20,000. Penelope has decided to reveal herself instead. Pen does not want Miss Cowper to gain any reward from her scheming. She has other motives for coming forward, but I am not to say anything just yet on that matter. She needs our support, and I am ready to give it to her." he explains. Violet takes a deep breath and meets her son's gaze.
"Have you forgiven her?" she asks. Colin releases a sigh.
"I forgave her on our wedding day, but I was too much of a coward to admit it."
"Does she know this?"
"No. I have not told her any of what I have felt in the past two weeks. I believe I was angrier with myself than I was with her."
"Then you must tell her, Colin. Do not let this come between you. What you have with Penelope is so rare. I have watched the way you look at her for years and waited for you to finally admit that she meant more to you than just a friend. Do not think I did not notice the way you would seek her out at balls and events. I am just so happy you have finally found her." she tells him, caressing his cheek.
"Will you support her?" he asks.
"I may not agree with the things she has written but Penelope is a Bridgerton and one of my daughters. Bridgertons are united." she says and stands.
"Now come, we must make plans for the next ball." she says and holds her hand out to him. Colin takes it and they leave the room.