Penelope stood in her bedroom, staring at the mirror. Her gown was exquisite in the evening sunset. The room glittered with sparkle and the light reflected off the thousands of silver sequins and pearls that Genevieve had sown into the dress. Her hair fell in soft waves around her face and the red lip color was a bold contrast against her alabaster skin. She was making a statement tonight. A gentle knock at her door caused her to snap out of her daze.
"Come in." she said, turning to the door. Rae entered the room, Pen's small tulle gloves in her hands.
"Ma'am, the carriage is ready." Pen nods her head then starts to head to the door. She stops for a minute; her head spinning and tries to keep the nausea threatening to escape at bay.
"Ma'am?" Rae asks. Penelope holds up her hand, stopping Rae from fussing.
"I am fine. It is not as bad as it was this morning," she said, as she continued to move toward the door.
"Ma'am, are you sure you should go tonight? You have not been well for most of the day, and you have not slept well in weeks." Rae asks. Penelope shakes her head and takes her gloves from her maid.
"I must attend this evening's ball. It is my sister' ball and it would be impolite to not attend."
"I understand ma'am, but the baby..." Rae says, whispering the last word.
"I assure you the baby is fine," Penelope says, cutting her off. She places her hand on Rae's hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze.
"I thank you for the concern, Rae. You are always there to make sure I am well," she says, leaving the room. Once out of Rae's watchful sight and on her front step, Penelope sighs and places her hand upon her belly.
"You, my dear, make it impossible to keep you a secret." she says rubbing her thumb over the fabric of her dress. "We are lucky that Rae does know about you, but can we please keep the nausea at bay for the evening? We have work to do, and I cannot vomit on the queen's shoes." she says just before her carriage driver approaches to open her door. Pen quickly drops her hand away and takes his hand as he helps her off the step and into the carriage. Once inside and leans against the back of the seat, closing her eyes. Carriage rides have been awful this week. The constant jostling has not been kind to her ever-churning stomach. Thankfully, the ride to the ball is a short one.
Upon arriving she can hear her sisters' excitement at the extravagant decor that Varley has managed. She meets her mother at the door, and they enter together just as Phillipa lets out a squeal. The sight is laughable as she leans back in excitement, extenuating the small swell of her belly. Penelope smiles and resists the urge to touch her own as Phillipa runs to greet them.
"Mama, thank you!" she exclaims, engulfing their mother in a crushing hug.
"What is the meaning of this?" her mother questioned, pulling away from Phillipa.
"Well, it must have been you, who paid for all this." Phillipa says, waving her fan to the room behind her. Portia turns to look at Penelope, confusion across her face. Penlope smiles lightly.
"Mama told me she wished for you to have the greatest ball Mayfair has ever seen." She tells her sisters. Portia gives her a warm smile and walks away with her older daughters complimenting them on a job well done.
The rest of the evening goes off without a hitch. Colin stays near his mother, while Pen stays with her own mother. When the queen arrives, Portia grabs her hand and holds her close as she speaks and reveals that she is Whistledown. Her mother gives her hand a gentle squeeze as she starts to make her way to the center of the room. She takes a deep breath and begins her speech.
"Hello, all, or should I say, "Dearest Gentle Readers"? I know it is no laughing matter what I have done. I n the beginning, I never thought anyone would take my writing seriously. Why should they? No one has ever taken any part of me seriously. I only realize now how common that feeling must be. To be a young lady to whom no one listens. I wrote about all of you because I was captivated by you, living your lives so out in the open. And in writing about all of you, I suddenly felt as if I had a life. I had power. And for anyone in this room who has ever had a taste of that, they should know it can be intoxicating. But I was careless with that power. It was easy to cast aspersions from the shadows where I could not be found. But I see now how much courage it takes to live a life out in the open. To honor one's weaknesses publicly for all to see. And to know, regardless of the outcome… one always has worth. All of us talk. We gossip. Gossip is information, it forges bonds. Especially for those of us who are told so little. But I can no longer conceal the biggest piece of information I have. My identity. That is why I am so very grateful to our queen for forcing me out of the shadows with her most cunning scheme. If she affords me the chance to continue, I mean to aim my quill more responsibly. That is my repentance and my plea." She finishes, looking to the queen. She holds her breath, forbidding nausea that was trying to escape. She silently begs her stomach to ease as the queen gives her blessing. She releases the breath as the queen exits. The entire room is stunned to silence as they stare at her. Whispers among them start to fill the room and she panics, not knowing if she should leave or stay. Suddenly her sister yells running across the platform.
"Now, Varley! The bugs!"
Varley pulls a rope, releases hundreds of butterflies. The room erupts in applause and delight, their previous mood forgotten. Penlope leaves the floor and is found by Lady Danbury, her mother and finally Colin who all praise her for her bravery and strength. As Colin takes her to the dance floor, relief finally rushes over her.
"How are you feeling?" Colin asks her as he spins her around the floor. Thankfully, the motion has not had much effect on her.
"Emotionally or physically?" she asks, causing him to burst into laughter.
"Both?"
"I am incredibly happy and very relieved that it is over. However, I am eager to get home." she says, truthfully.
"Then we shall retire for the evening." He tells her and leads her from the floor. Upon leaving the floor they are stopped by Violet. Penelope freezes, not knowing what to say. The look on her mother-in-law's face is unreadable. Penelope starts to say something but is pulled in for a tight hug.
"I am so proud of you, my dear. It takes courage to stand up to the queen the way you did and come out victorious." she says, pulling back. Violet kisses the top of her head, causing Pen to lose all resolve she had and cry.
"My dear, you do not need to cry. I meant what I said." Penelope shakes her head waving off the comment.
"It is not my fault; it is the baby's. I cry at everything." she says, then widens her eyes at what she has said. Colin chuckles beside her. Violet stands in shock, looking between her and Colin as realization floods in.
"Baby?" she asks, quietly. Penelope bites her lip, frustrated that she just let it slip out like it was normal conversation. She nods and finally allows herself to caress her belly. Violet's face erupts in a smile so bright that all of Mayfair would be blinded if they were watching. She grabs Penelope again for a hug and holds on as if her life depended on it.
"Mother, she does need to breathe." He tells her, and Violet reluctantly lets her go only to engulf Colin in a similar hug.
"I am so happy for you! Wait, how can you know already? The wedding was..." she asks, doing the math in her own head.
"It is better you do not ask those questions mother."
"Colin Bridgerton!" she scolds, causing Penelope to burst into laughter.
"Good night, mother and please do not mention the baby to anyone. We have not told anyone," he says, taking Penelope by the hand and leaving his mother standing with her mouth hanging open.
"Colin, we cannot just leave her there." Penelope protests. Colin continues to lead her away from the hall and outside to the carriages.
"We shall. I should like to take my wife home." he says and helps her into their carriage, further silencing her.
As they arrived home, Rae met them at the door of their bedchambers.
"Shall I prepare you for bed, Ma'am?" she asks. Penelope nods and goes to the bedroom. Colin takes a seat on the settee, fidgeting with the edging on the blanket draped over the arm. A few moments later, the door opens and Rae excuses herself. Colin stands and moves to the room. Penelope is stunning in her blue dressing gown and robe. Her hair has been brushed into soft curls that fall below her shoulders. He closes the space between them and rakes his knuckles over the soft skin of her cheek. She inhales sharply at his touch. Her body reacts so easily to his touch. He leans in, taking her chin between his fingers, bringing her lips to his. She whimpers at the touch of his lips. He pulls away and smiles warmly.
"Can you ever forgive me for being a fool?" he asks, brushing a curl away from her face.
"Colin, you do not need to apologize. You had every right to be angry with me."
"I meant what I said at the ball. I was envious of you and felt inferior. I now know that to have a woman like you love me is the greatest accomplishment I could have ever dreamed of." he explains and captures her lips once more. He can taste the salty tang of her tears against his lips. He pulls away and brushes the tears away from her cheek. He steps away and removes his coat and then his shirt. Penelope reaches for him, her hands finding the buckle of his belt. She was not letting him take control this time. She knew what she wanted, and she needed him. Colin laughs as she pulls the buttons of his britches loose and pulls them down his hips. Colin kicks out of his shoes and britches, then takes her face in his hands and kisses her deeply. Penelope groans against his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck. He releases her face and grips her hips, picking her up. Her legs wrap around his waist, and he carries her to the bed and gently lays her down.
"My god, I have missed you." he says as he wraps his hand around her breast, gently squeezing it above the silk fabric of her dressing gown. Penelope hisses in discomfort and jerks away.
"What is wrong?" he asks, pulling his hand back as if he has touched a hot coal.
"They are very sore." she says. He nods in understanding. Penelope smiles, grabs him, and kisses him. Colin nearly growls at her sudden confidence. She pulls him to the bed and then climbs on top of him, straddling his hips. The glow of the candles cast the room in a warm orange hue. Colin stares up at her for a moment as she pushes him down against the bed. Her hands glide gently over his chest, the light reflecting on the diamonds in her wedding ring. He watches as her hands move further down his chest and one disappears between them as the other bracing against his chest. She lifts herself sightly and grips him, causing him to gasp. She stares into his eyes as she sinks down onto him. Her head rolls back as she takes him deeply and he grips her hips. She slowly moves and moans at their joining. He is suddenly pulled up, her hand gripping the back of his head firmly as she kisses him deeply. He slips his tongue into her mouth, and she groans. She continues to move on him, her hips moving in time with their kisses. Colin pulls away from the kiss and looks up at her. Her face is glowing in the candlelight as her eyes close with pleasure. He wants to roll her over and take her with everything he has but he wants her to have this control. Her hands move from his hair to his shoulder, gripping them tight as her movements grow more rapid. She was going to come quick and hard above him. Colin wraps his arms around her waist holding her close as her frantic race for release encompasses her. He wanted her to go first, he needed her to go first. He moves hands to the bodice of her dressing gown and rips it down, exposing her breasts. Penelope gasps at the air that hits her. Her rosy nipples harden before him.
"Penelope, let go." he whispers before taking one of her nipples between his lips and gently sucks. Penelope comes undone. She nearly screams as the wave of her release comes. She holds his head in places as he continues to suck on her breasts, causing wave after wave of her climax to shudder through her. As her high begins to come down, Colin releases her breast, grips her, and flips them over so that he is above her. He pulls out of her only to grip the fabric of her dressing gown and rip it down the middle, completely exposing her.
"Colin!" she gasps. Colin grins, slyly and spreads her legs further and then sinks back into her before she can say another word.
"Oh my god." she gasps as he moves within her. She reaches up and pulls him in for a kiss as he begins to speed up his movements. She can feel herself building toward another release and her mind is shattered.
"Colin, I need... I need..." she whimpers.
"I know." he says and reaches between them. He presses his thumb to the bundle of nerves at the apex of her sex and she comes unhinged. Her body stiffens as her muscles clinch around him, causing him to climax. He spills into her, her name up on his lips. She clings to him as they both try to catch their breath. As they relax, Colin rolls to the side, pulling away from her. Penelope sits up and pulls the remains of her ruined gown from her and tosses it to the floor.
"I really liked that dressing gown." she says, giggling.
"You are the richest woman in London, you can get another." he says playfully. He pulls her to him, tucking into his side. She runs her hands through the hair on his chest as he stares down at her.
"Are you alright?" he asks. Penelope smiles at him.
"I am. That was, I have no words for what that was." she says, causing Colin to laugh.
"There is more where that came from. I have weeks to make up for."
"I have no doubts about that." Penelope says and stretches up to kiss him. Colin then sits up rapidly and stares down at her.
"The baby, oh god. We did not hurt it, right?" Penelope chuckles and pulls him back down to the bed.
"I do not believe so. I would assume it is rather protected in there." she says, rubbing her hand over the soft skin of her belly. Colin places his hand over her and stares in awe at them.
"I still cannot wrap my head around it. There is an actual baby in there. My baby. Our baby." he says. He changes positions and places his head on her belly. Penelope tangles her fingers through his hair as he traces lazy circles around her belly button.
"There is surely one in there. I have the exact same symptoms as my sisters. Nausea, tenderness, and constant crying. I cried over my hair this morning. My hair, Colin! I have never been one to care about my hair. Prudence cried over a piece of fruit a few weeks ago. Phillipa has complained of tenderness for weeks. I do feel like I am sicker than they were. They spend more time at Featherington house than they do in their own homes, and I do not recall them being as sick as I have been. "
"Perhaps it is because you carry the Featherington heir." Colin says, looking up at her.
"Could you imagine the look on their faces if I had the boy?"
"It would be glorious to see."
"Colin!"
"It would be, and you know it. They have changed in the last weeks yes, but that does not make up for the lifetime of turmoil they subjected you to."
"Yes, but they are still my sisters and hopefully motherhood will change them for the better."
"Let us hope. Now my dear wife, you must sleep." Colin says, moving to lay next to her. Penelope yawns and curls into him.
"I have not slept well since our wedding."
"Neither have I. Now sleep, you and our child need to rest."
"Please do not go overprotective husband on me."
"Too late, that part of me kicked in the moment you told me you were carrying our child. Now sleep." he says, wrapping his arm around her. Penelope did not argue anymore. She closed her eyes and within moments their room was filled with her soft breathing. Colin rubbed his hand over her bare stomach. Colin knew at that moment that Penelope Anne Bridgerton was his everything and he was going to hold on with everything he had.