Title: Losing My Religion (4/?)
Author: hermyone_mex (ChindyAlo on tumblr)
Beta: Calienteyfria
Pairing: Finn/Kurt
Rating: PG-13 for now
Warnings: Angst and angst.
Disclaimer: Glee belongs to FOX and RIB and Chris Colfer and Diet Coke and Llamas and Cory Monteith and Canada. I just want to write Kinn, ok? leave me alone.
Summary: Finn and Kurt are married, they have a daughter, they love each other. They have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and never go back to be the same.
Special notes: The idea of this fic came to me way before Cory's tragic death. I don't want to offend his memory by the general plot of this fic and I'm committed to write this because I love Kinn but also because I want to honor Cory's memory. This fic has a special dedication to him.
CHAPTER FOUR: LIKE A PRAYER
I hear your voice, it's like an angel sighing
I have no choice, I hear your voice
Feels like flying
Carole was standing right out of the nursing station of the neurological area. Her hands were grabbing her purse and she looked really pale. Nobody was with her and she looked so scared. Burt and Kurt walked fast to her and she hugged Burt. Kurt could see that she was shaking desperately but she wasn't crying, she just looked in shock.
"What happened?" asked Kurt touching her back. She let go of the embrace and shook her face. Kurt got scared. "Where's Finn?"
"He's in his room but they won't let me in," she said nervously. Burt and Kurt exchanged a look.
"You said he woke up. Did he really wake up?" asked Burt. It wasn't because he didn't believe her, but her call had been so quick. She hadn't said too much and maybe he had heard wrong, and everything was a mistake.
"That's what the doctor said," was her answer and Kurt frowned.
"What do you mean? You weren't there to see it?" he asked roughly. Burt looked him angrily and he blushed a bit. "I'm sorry."
"No, it's ok, honey," she said. Then she sighed before explaining. "I was there, sittting next to him and knitting a sweater for Elizabeth, and suddenly the machines started making noises and Finn start to shake so much and..." Her eyes were red and her voice broken. "I thought he was d-dying and I-I y-yelled for hel-lp and the doctor and nurses came in and, oh I'm sorry," she apologized, wiping her tears. Burt put his arm around her shoulders, she put her face on his chest. "It was really scary because the machines won't stop beeping like crazy and Finn was shaking so much. But then one of the nurses told me that he was breathing, you know, by himself and that he was like that because of the tube in his mouth. Then the doctor said that he was reacting. Then they told me to get out and a nurse came. That was ten minutes ago and she just told me that he was okay. We have to wait for the doctor but she couldn't tell me anything else about Finn," she cried and Burt hugged her again. Kurt looked at her and then to the hallway where were the patient's rooms.
"I'll go and see him and figure out what's going on." said Kurt, but his father put a hand in his shoulder stopping him.
"No, Kurt. We're waiting here until someone comes and tells us what's going on," and Kurt saw his annoyance. What was he expecting him to do? Wait calmly until someone had the damn mercy to tell them what was happening?
"Dad, he's awake, I can't wait anymore. It's been two weeks!"
"I know, son. But you don't know how is he and you can't help him, they can. So let them do their work," he said, trying to reason with Kurt. He still seemed determined to go to Finn's and interrupt them if necessary.
"I'm not waiting any longer, Dad," said Kurt. Burt let go of Carole to take his son by his arm. They walked away from her, but she was looking at them nervously. "Let me go, Dad!" Kurt exclaimed but Burt didn't do what he asked.
"Stop it, Kurt. You're making Carole nervous. You know that there's nothing you can do for Finn now but wait. I know you want to know what's happening, but so do we. We all are worry, but this is not the place and time to lose control and make them take out you from this floor. "Is that what you want?"
"I just want to see him," said Kurt in a whisper. He understood that his dad was right but he felt like he couldn't wait anymore. It was too hard when Finn was supposedly awake after all that it had happened and he was steps from him. Burt looked at him and Kurt nodded sadly, "I'll wait, don't worry."
"We're going to see him soon," he said and turned back to Carole who seemed as anxious as Kurt but was not about to run to to Finn's room. "Now let's go and find somewhere to sit and wait there, ok?"
They found an empty room and a nurse that was walking around there. She allowed them to sit inside as long they didn't move anything. Honestly, did she think they were kids? Kurt and Carole sat next to the door while Burt stayed at the frame. He was on guard that some doctor or nurse would belooking for them. Carole sighed and started knitting the sweater she had in her hands. Kurt smiled sadly.
"It's beautiful," he said pointing at the sweater. Carole snorted with a gesture of modesty and Kurt put his hand on her knee. "It is. It's going to look great on Elizabeth when you finish it," he complemented and she turned to him smiling.
"Thank you, sweetheart," she said taking Kurt's hand. "You know that they're doing all that's in their hands to help Finn, right?" she talked seriously and Kurt frowned, confused. "I'm talking about the doctors, the nurse and everybody at this hospital that have helped him since the beginning. They're doing their best."
"Of course I know that," said Kurt, still confused. He hadn't put in doubt the medical attention that Finn had been receiving the last two weeks, but he didn't understand what Carole was trying to say. Did she really think that he didn't value the medical staff that was working with Finn? He did. And Eva was practically a friend of his by now.
"Well, then you should let them do their job, Kurt. As hard as it is to admit to myself, I know I can't help Finn as much as I would like." She put her other hand on her chest with a broken smile. "And believe me that if I could, I'd give my life for his. I'd change our places without doubt. But I can't, I can't do that. I have to watch my own son, my baby, there and without the knowledge if I going to have him back again." She wiped the tears that were falling from her eyes. Kurt squeezed her hand but she kept talking, "But I do know that right now, Finn needs more the doctors than me or you or anyone that love him. It's really hard to accept that but we have to do it, and we have to let them do whatever they need to. Do you understand?"
"I do, but I... I just..." He didn't know what to say.
"You just want to see him. I know, me too," she whispered and Kurt nodded. "But, even when you're used to have the control in your life, even when we're used to that, there are moments when we become viewers of our own lives and can't do anything about it."
Even when all he wanted was to object, it took him only one glance to her eyes to notice and understand what she was telling him. All because she wanted him to calm down so he won't do something stupid, like his father had tried minutes ago. She was in the same position as him, in fact, her position it was even more vulnerable. He might love Finn with all his being, but her love was a motherly love. There was nothing compared with it, and he knew it.
"I'm sorry if I scared you earlier," he apologized looking at her with embarrassment. She shook her head. "I'm not a teenager anymore, I should stop acting like that, right?" he said with a nervous chuckle, and Carole repeated the gesture.
"You were always the most mature teenger I ever met," she said firmly "But you always were the guy that wanted to have everything under control. It was understandable but not the most wise. Nobody can have everything under control, and life has been teaching you that. It happened with me in the worse way I could imagine, and I should had tried to listen others. I didn't and I lived with guilt with so long when I wasn't guilty about anything."
She was talking about Finn's dad, he knew it. And he knew the story that Finn had told him years ago, but it was obvious that there was a lot behind that story. Nobody else but Carole knew, and probably none will never know, not even Burt. But watching her talking about that without even talking about it, made Kurt wonder how much she had been through when Finn was just a kid. How much she had suffered alone? And what she was saying now was nothing more than the confession that she had been like him at some point. She was trying to take control over something that was out of her hands and then could lose everything. He wonder how many years had she been feeling guilty about her husband's suicide, and if there was still moments when she felt that she could have done something else. The thought made him feel sad and gave him a sense of protection over Carole that he didn't feel very often. It wasn't because he didn't love her, but because she always seemed so strong to him that he always felt safer with her.
Kurt wrapped his arms around her hugging her strongly but she didn't seem to care because she responded the embrace with the same force as his. He felt his father's hand over his arm and Kurt turned to see that the doctor was out of the room looking at them with expectation. Kurt gulped nervously. He stood up taking Carole's hand and the doctor smiled briefly, but he could tell that he smiled with more than courtesy than because he really had a reason to smile. It was the same doctor that had operated on Finn's brain twice. He wasn't exactly the most sensitive person in the planet, but Kurt could see that he was really good at his job so he was happy with that, althought he'd prefer another doctor to give them the news, because if there was bad news he would want someone sensitive.
"Can you follow me to my office, please? It's on the second floor but I prefer talking there than in an empty room," he said not expecting for an answer and walked with them to the elevator. Kurt sighed and had to bite his tongue. He didn't want to say something rude, even when the man was being rude. If there was something he had learned in the past few weeks it was that there were all kind of medics but, sadly, most of them were cold, rude, and insensitive. It was like almost a rule of being a important doctor.
The way to the office was silent, awkward, anxious, and expectant. Kurt reminded himself Carole's words and never said anything. He didn't go back to the seventh floor which was all he wanted to do now. He knew that Finn wasn't in the doctor's office, so he didn't see the point or going there to talk when they could talk perfectly okay on the seventh floor. When they were finally there, the doctor made a gesture indicated them to take a sit. They did and Kurt never let go of Carole's hand. The three of them looked at the doctor waiting for him to talk, and honestly, the man knew how to make them hold their breath with expectation.
"Please, doctor, tell us how is Finn. You got us on edge," said Burt crudely, clearly nervous. "I mean, is he awake, did he really woke up?" He asked what the three of them were dying to know.
"Yes," answered the doctor. Kurt and Carole made a sound of excitement while Burt sighed with relief. The doctor started to talk before they got too excited. "We can't tell how he is yet," he said and they didn't say anything. They already knew that if Finn woke up, there would be the risk of neurological damage. And if they had been with him for so long since he had awake, it was because they were obviously examining him.
"So... is he, does he have something, like a function problem in his body or, I don't know. How is he?" asked Kurt trying not to act demanding. Just because Finn was awake now, it didn't mean everything was suddenly okay, he didn't even know whether he was conscious. They had told them that there were cases where patients that had been in coma and then woke up. Sometimes they were never conscious again, they didn't talk or make eye contact, they didn't walk or couldn't eat by themselves or do anything. It was like being in a coma but with their eyes opened. Kurt almost vomited at the idea of Finn being like that.
The doctor saw the nervousness in the three of them and also the queasy tone in Kurt's face. He suddenly softened his expression, but still looked cold and professional. He was clearly trying to be as understanding as he could be. So he decided to talk calmly and make sure to explain everything as clearly he could.
"I need you to listen to me first. When I finish you can ask all the questions you want, ok?" he said and they nodded. The doctor looked satisfied and sighed prepared himself to talk. It wasn't because he was too nervous, but Kurt had already yelled at him for his dramatic acting. He made him talk once and for all "Mr. Hudson woke up and, as you could see," motioning his head to Carole. "And he did it trying to breathe by himself. This doesn't mean that he's completely conscious. We still can't tell if he is fully with us or not because we had to sedate him to remove the tube in his mouth and..."
"What? Did you sedate him? Why would you do that when he finally woke up?" interrupted Kurt with a yell and Carole stopped him from getting up by pulling his arm.
"Sir, do you really think I would sedate your husband if I wasn't sure that it is the best for him?" asked the doctor angrily and Kurt didn't answer. he just stared at him annoying. "Now, as I was saying. We needed to sedate him. When I say 'sedate' I mean exactly that. He's not in a coma again and there's nothing wrong to sedate him after he's been in a coma for two weeks. It was something necessary because his body was reacting sharply to the intubation. This is pretty normal when a patient wakes up and they try to breathe by their own way but can't because of the tube. So we sedated him and then removed the intubation. Fortunately he was still breathing by his own before he fell back asleep. He can breathe normally and, trust me, that's pretty promising for a patient that has suffered the kind of damage that he had in the accident," he explained stopping for a second before he continued talking "This is good news. Before he fell asleep he was moving. It was for the shock, but there was movement in all his extremities."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Carole with a broken smile, putting her hands over her mouth. "He can walk, right? He won't need a wheelchair?" she asked, looking at Burt who had the same smile and he kissed her forehead.
" I'm not an orthopedist so I can't assure that, but he was moving perfectly well both legs and both arms, even his right arm. I'm sure he'll need a lot of physical therapy but this proves that his spine didn't suffer any irreversible damage. So yes, this is a really good news."
Carole turned to Kurt who was looking at the floor. He wasn't crying or making any movement. She put her hand over his shoulder and he looked up. His eyes were red but the tears weren't falling, finally smiled and shook his head. He couldn't talk but he was as relieved as them at the news, and she hugged him. The doctor didn't say anything and gave them time to process the good news. Minutes later they let go of the hug, and the man continued with the explanation.
"Even when he can move his body, we still need to know if his psychomotor functions are working well. We won't know it until he's awake because that can only be handled on a conscious level. The same goes to his cognitive area that includes his memory, his intellectual capabilities, his language function, his eyesight, sense of smell, sense of touch..." He stopped when he saw their expressions and sighed. "What I'm trying to say is that we can't determine easily how much damage he has in his brain until he's awake. That's another reason why it was convenient to sedate him, because we have to be ready for what is coming, and you have to be ready too. Family preparation for the recovery and adaptation of a patient that has been in coma is essential. I need you to be ready for the worst. I know this is really hard and you don't want the worst, but you have to be ready for that. So if Mr... if Finn wakes up and he's not the same Finn you know, you can't lose patience with him. You can't push him to something that we can't know if he can do. You have to be patient and understanding, do you understand?"
None of them said anything. They were assimilating everything that the doctor had told them. There were so many things that could go wrong with Finn and some of them were scarier than others. Still, they couldn't imagine any of them happening to Finn. And it was funny and ironic, they had been waiting, hoping and some had been praying for the moment where Finn woke up again. They always had known that there could be consequences, that there was a huge chance of irreversible damage in his brain, and still they hadn't really assumed it. Now Finn finally out of the coma, and the two weeks suddenly became in a heavy load that could make the difference between the possibility of having Finn completely 'brain healthy' or not. Kurt could feel how the tiny happiness and relief he had felt before started to disappear because of the fear of what was about to come. And it wasn't like he preferred to remain in anxiety and distress of Finn being in coma. He wanted to see the moment when Finn would wake up, but right now he just felt like this was scarier than before.
"How?" asked Burt with a rough voice. "What do you want us to do when he wakes up? I mean, are we going to see him now or you want us to wait until he wakes up again and you had finally done all the tests you need to do so we can see him?"
"Well, the sedative that we gave him is pretty strong. The other thing is I don't think he can talk now even if his language function is fine. He was intubated for two weeks, and the throat is very sensitive. His throat and his vocal cords are very inflammed so I decided to give him a strong sedative so he can sleep until tomorrow. We're already giving him medication so he can use his voice when he wakes up, but he won't be able to talk a lot. He needs more time for his throat to recover completely, but at least he'll be able to talk enough to give us a greater insight into how much damage could have suffered in his brain. In that case he has the proper function to talk, of course," he explained. "So it's not necessary to stay with him today, but I understand that you want to be with him. You can go and see him but only one of you can stay during night. You know the hospital rules."
"So we can't celebrate yet that he got out from the coma?" asked Mercedes sadly. Kurt rubbed his eyes, feeling really tired, and the chair where he was sitting felt more uncomfortable than usual.
"Well, he's not paralyzed and he can breathes by himself. Don't know if I want to celebrate, but that's something good, right?" he asked, supporting his head in his hand while he held the phone in the other hand. He could hear the sigh coming from Mercedes.
It was almost midnight and Kurt was sitting, once again next to Finn's bed. Carole and Burt had left hours ago and they were at his house with Elizabeth. They'd be at the hospital in the morning, even when the doctor had told them that it was probably that Finn wouldn't wake up until afternoon or evening. Kurt was not going to leave the hospital so he had had to asked Mercedes one more time to take care of his daughter and she had accepted.
"I know you're scared, Kurt, but try to think positive, please. It's not good for you to be like this all the time," said Mercedes from the other side of the line.
"I just, I was so focus on him waking up from the coma that I never really thought about what was going to happen if he woke up. I mean, I knew that there were going to be consequences. There was a huge risk of brain damage that could affect him in a way or another. I actually never gave it much thought and now I don't even know what to expect. There can be so much that can goes wrong, I don't know what's going to happen. Mercedes, I don't know if I'm ready for the worst when I don't even know what that can be," he expressed looking at Finn, it was odd to see him still asleep but without the intubation, like when he had saw him first like this in the afternoon. He had felt the urge to ask someone to put him the intubation again because he was really scared that he'd stop breathing anytime. Now that he could see him breathing by his own, he didn't know what else to expect. "I thought that being coma was the worst and now... I don't know anything."
" I really don't know what to say, boy. I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be fine," Mercedes said, and Kurt yearned that she could. It was worthless to promise something that she couldn't do and it was completely out of her hands. "But you know I'll be here for you no matter what, I know it doesn't help you now but..."
"It does, trust me. If you hadn't been with me these past two weeks, I don't know if I could have made it," Kurt guaranteed with a sigh. "Oh, crap. I forgot. Your date..." he suddenly remembered that before his father had came to them and announced that Finn had woken up, he and Mercedes had been talking about her date.
"Don't worry about it, honey," she said and Kurt felt guilty.
"I'm sorry I ruined your night," he apologized. "Are you going to tell me who was it? I really want to know," he asked, one of his fingers playing with the blanket that was covering Finn.
"Do you really want to talk about this? Because you don't have to, Kurt, I understand that you have other things in your mind and that's okay."
"I know that my mind has been a mess lately, but I still care about your life. If you're dating someone I want to know who's the lucky guy," he said and then added with a playful voice, "Besides, I have to approve him first, it's the rule." He assured her. His hands were now playing with the fingers on Finn's left hand. He had cut Finn's nails two days ago and even filed them. They looked really nice now, but it really didn't mean that much for him. It was something that he kept doing, along with bathing and shaving him, because it made him feel better and connected with his husband.
Mercedes laughed and Kurt went back to the present, his eyes still looking at Finn's hand.
"Oh, I'm sorry but since when do I need your permission to date whoever I want?" she asked with her characteristic diva-tone and Kurt made a sound like if he was meditating the question.
"Umm, I don't know, let me think. Oh yeah! Since the last guy you dated turned out to be a complete ass... you know," he said and he could see Mercedes blushing.
"I know, still can't believe that he acted like that way that day." She sounded embarrassed for the memory but Kurt smiled. He was playing now with Finn's elbow, it was a ticklish spot for him and Kurt had the bad habit of playing there but Finn always asked him not to. This time nothing happened when he did it, although with the sedative was impossible for Finn to feel tickled.
"You know it wasn't your fault," he promised and then went back to his playful tone "Anyway, are you going to tell me who is the guy or I'm going to need to persuade you?" Mercedes groaned like a child and Kurt rolled his eyes.
"You know I'm joking with the approving thing, Mercedes, there's nothing wrong if you just tell me who he is. Why so much mystery? Is he in the FBI or something?"
"Kurt, do we even have FBI people working in this city?" asked Mercedes.
"I don't know and I don't care. That's not the point, and stop avoiding the question," he claimed.
"Aghr, fine. It's Max, okay?" she confessed, groaning in annoyance and Kurt frowned.
"Max? Max who?" he asked ,and then talked with surprised. "Finn's Max?"
"Yes, Finn's... why do you have to say it like if he belonged to Finn? That sounds weird."
"Well, is his friend and his partner at work so yeah. I, umm, didn't expect that..." he murmured rubbing his neck with his free hand.
"I'm sorry, I don't want you feel uncomfortable with this. I promise you we haven't done anything, we just talked a few times when he was at your house and I'm was there taking care of Elizabeth. This was supposed to be our first date. It's not appropriate, though, so I'll tell him to not call me yet," she babbled.
"Don't dare do that, Mercedes," he warned her very seriously. "I'm just surprised, that's all. I've never seen you interact with him except that day. It's hard to imagine you together. If you want to and if you like him, do it. He's a really nice guy," he said and it was true, after all he had been so kind over the last few weeks and helping him with lots of thing even when he didn't have to.
"Yeah... I do like him... a lot" Mercedes murmured shyly. Kurt smiled sadly, his finger going back to Finn's hand and squeezed it. He sighed looking up at Finn who looked so peaceful. "But I don't feel comfortable talking about this while you're there waiting. We talk about this later, alright?" suggested Mercedes and Kurt's answer was cut by his yawn. "Kurt, you should sleep. What your dad told you today was true, you barely sleep and eat. Do you want to get sick?"
"This is different, Mercedes. When my dad told me that Finn was still in the coma, or that's what we thought. Now he is not in a coma anymore and he'll wake up at any moment. I have to be here when he does," he said, with his eyes looking at Finn, begging him mentally to wake up already.
"I thought that he was sedated and not waking up until tomorrow, am I wrong?" asked Mercedes although she knew that she wasn't wrong at all.
"Well yeah, but who knows if he wakes up earlier? I don't want him to do it and find me asleep in this stupid and uncomfortable chair. Besides, I don't think I could actually sleep even if I had the purpose to do it. I'm just tired, but can't sleep." Mercedes decided to drop off the subject, because Kurt was nervous and anxious. But she knew he was right and wouldn't be able to sleep like that.
"Fine, but at least try to find a better chair," she suggested. He smiled briefly but jumped when someone knocked at the door. He murmured a quick gotta go before he hung up. When he turned, he found Eva smiling at him.
"You know that I could take that off, right?" she asked pointing a the sign at the door that said "No cell phone calls". She was still smiling and Kurt breathed with relief. Then she smiled even more and added with a whisper, "I heard the news."
Kurt smiled back and turned to Finn taking his hand one more time. Eva walked to the other said of the bed and looked at Finn, she gasped with happiness.
"It's really great to see you without the intubation, Finn," she said, it was the first time she talked to him, or at least the first time Kurt hear her talking to him. Even when it was kind of odd, he smiled because she really looked happy. "Now you just gotta take the last steps and recover. The world is waiting for you."
"You think that's going to happen? That he's going to recover?" asked Kurt nervously and she looked at him, but it took her few seconds to answer.
"I think that he has come so far and he can do even more. Why give up hope now when he hasn't given up so far?" she raised a eyebrow and Kurt didn't say anything. "He hasn't lost this battle, Kurt, and I do not see him giving up, you should focus on that and not on what you just can't know."
"Have you witnessed when someone wakes up from a coma?" asked Kurt studying her face. She shrugged and didn't answer, Kurt shook his head. "So yes, it was that bad?" he asked again.
"No" she answered, but it was impossible to not see the lying in her voice. Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Okay, yes, it was really bad. But first, it was only two patients and they were in comas longer than Finn. That also influences how they were when they woke up," she explained frantically and Kurt frowned.
"How were they?" he seemed scared and even more nervous, Eva snorted.
"I'm not telling you anything, okay? You're obviously trying to think in the worst but without giving yourself any chance to think in what can go well," she crossed her arms and then added, "Besides, I don't like to talk about my bad experiences on my work, I might be only a nurse but it hurts me every time one of my patients don't recover, so please don't ask me to talk about it, alright?"
"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry" he apologized and she shrugged again with a small smile that he corresponded awkwardly.
"Look, just try to don't think a lot about how bad can go everything, okay? It's better to wait and see than guess about what is completely out of your control. He's already came back out of the coma. Hang on the facts and not on the what ifs."
"I guess you're right. There's nothing we can do but wait, " murmured Kurt. He was supporting his head on the bed and rubbing Finn's arm with slow moves and breathing deeply, "Wait and see."
"Wait and see."
Burt had been walking through the room for more than a hour. He had to stand up from the chair because of his anxiety and desperation. Meanwhile, Carole was sitting right next to Finn's bedside while Kurt was at the chair next to the door. A nurse had been checking Finn every half hour but he hadn't shown any change or sign of waking up yet. Kurt was so nervous and anxious that he wasn't talking anymore. He felt a lump in his throat and kept looking at Finn with expectation, but he was also biting his fingernails. He hated that habit but he was too nervous to stop.
"This is ridiculous! Why they don't just give him something that wakes him up?" said Burt stopping his pacing and looking from Kurt to Carole.
"I don't think that's possible, Burt...or maybe that's not best for him," said Carole with a tired but patient voice. She didn't look up from her son, the dark circles under her eyes showed that she hadn't slept the night before. Kurt didn't say anything to his father, he just sighed and looked at his ruined nails.
"Nah, they just love having us like this, dying with desperation," argued Burt . His hands were on his hips. If it wasn't that he was tired and not in a good mood, Kurt would have laughed at that because it was a perfect imitation of one of his postures he did when he was angry and bitching. The only thing he did was rolled his eyes. "I bet they could wake him up in a second if they wanted."
Kurt stood up from the chair and walked out of the room without a word. There was a coffee machine at the end of the hallway. He walked there not being able to stay in the room when his father was like that. He knew that if he had stayed there listening to his dad losing control, they'd end up fighting. Right now, he couldn't handle a fight. But it was really annoying that his father was like that. He had told him to not lose control so many times, and now he was acting like a caged lion. People were right when they said that everybody changes when they're under lot of stress.
He was about to choose the type of coffee he was going to drink when his phone vibrated, he pulled it from his pocket and saw a text from Mercedes. She told him that she had just got to the hospital and was in the waiting room from the neurological area. She couldn't enter Finn's room since it was more visitors than permitted. Kurt kept looking at the phone and decided to go to her even when he felt bad leaving Finn when he could wake up at any moment. He was also really overwhelmed by the anxiety and he needed fresh air so much. He hadn't left the room since the day before. The waiting combined with the tiredness, were ready to drive him crazy. The first thing Mercedes did when she saw him was hug him strongly, Kurt supported his head on her shoulder, smelling the perfume he loved and had helped her pick out, and letting her hug him made him feel better. He sighed then let her go.
"Nothing yet?" she asked, taking him by his arm to a couch. They both sat together. Kurt shook his head as an answer. "Are you okay?" she asked him. He started to rub his head, trying to prevent a headache that he felt coming. Kurt didn't answer and just shrugged lazily. "Not feeling like talking?" He shrugged one more time and Mercedes put her arm around him. He put his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes. He wasn't going to sleep, but this felt really nice. Mercedes was one of the people in the world that could bring him peace to his heart no matter what. Now he was relaxing and it felt so good and he was even able to not worry about anything for a few minutes.
Kurt raised up from her shoulder and stretched his neck and his muscles feel deeply grateful for that. He knew he really needed to sleep in a comfortable bed. Mercedes rubbed his neck and smiled him. "Better?" she asked and he nodded with a tired smile.
"So, did you take Elizabeth to Anne's house or did she stay with her the house?" asked Kurt, finally able to talk.
"I left her at her house with her mom. They said she could stay overnight if it was necessary," explained Mercedes. Kurt bit his lip "Look, I think you should go home tonight, you look horrible, honey. You need to relax and get a good night's sleep. I know you won't leave right now but you can't spend another night here without sleeping well. You're gonna get sick"
"I- I don't know, okay? I mean, he didn't wake up so I don't even know how he's going to be when he does. I can't promise you anything, sorry. I'll be fine, don't worry about me," said Kurt apathetically and Mercedes decided to not argue. It was worthless when, in fact, they still didn't know what was going to happen when Finn woke up.
"Fine," she answered and Kurt gave her a smile of thanks.
"Are you sure you wanna stay here? I tried to convince them to let you in but they barely let the three of us stay in the room. You know they technically only allow two persons per room," said Kurt and Mercedes shrugged.
"I don't mind, if my white boy is waking up, I'll be here," she said using the nickname she had used for Finn since high school. "I really want to be here even if I can't see him today, for him and for you."
"Thanks, Mercedes," Kurt hugged her one more time and stood up from the couch. "I'd better get back there before my dad decided to wake him up by his own. I swear, I thought I was the one that couldn't control myself but aparently he is," he said with a half smile. "Anyway, I'll call you when... you know. I'll tell you what happens, " he said and she nodded.
When he got back to the room with two cups of coffee in his hands, Burt was sitting now in the chair next the door. He had his arms crossed and he was frowning, Carole looked a little pissed off. Kurt guessed that she had ended up scolding him. None of them said anything and he just walked silently to Carole and gave her one of the cups. She took it without a word. Kurt supported his body against the wall and drank his coffee in silence. He was finished drinking it when Finn started to move his head slowly. Kurt and Carole, who were closest to the bed gasped in surprise and he almost drop the coffee. Then Finn moved his fingers and his lips but didn't open his eyes or say anything, Kurt put quickly the cup on the table that was near the bathroom and Burt stood up from his chair walking to the bed, the three of them were staring at Finn with expectation.
"Shou- should we go for the doctor?" whispered Burt not looking up from Finn who wasn't moving anymore. His breathing had changed rhythm like if he was getting out slowly from a deep dream. Kurt looked at his father. He didn't want to call the doctor because he was afraid that they would ask them to leave the room to check Finn. He just couldn't leave him, but he also knew that the doctor had asked them to find him in the moment that Finn started to wake up.
"Yeah, go, please," murmured Kurt. Burt left the room, and Kurt walked with trembled legs to the foot of the bed. His hands grabbed the metal rails forcefully and he could hear his heart beating. Carole leaned over the bed, stroking Finn's cheek.
"Finn? Honey, it's me, mom," she whispered but Finn didn't make any movement. Kurt bit his lips and turned out to see his dad walking in followed by the nurse. She approached to the bed and looked at the machines that were connected to Finn's body.
"She already called the doctor and he's coming," said Burt putting his arm at Kurt's back, as he just nodded.
"Is he alright? He was moving and it seemed like he was trying to say something. I don't know, he moved his lips," said Carole to the nurse. She was middle aged and Kurt hadn't seen her until today, but she looked nice.
"Everything is in order but I can't tell anything. The doctor will check him in a minute," explained the nurse taking notes on his chart. "And I don't think he's trying to talk. He might be thirsty, patients always feel thirsty when they wake up. I'll get him some ice chips." She left the room and Kurt sighed.
"Finn, honey, wake up, it's mom," said Carole. Finn moved a bit, and she gasped and took his hand. "We're here, can you hear me?" she asked. "I'm with Burt and Kurt." Finn moved his head like if he was trying to nod but it seemed he was still half asleep. Kurt murmured to himself 'please, please, please' although wasn't sure what he was begging for. "Finn, you can hear me?" she asked again. After a few seconds he made the same movement. Burt giggled tightening the grip on Kurt's shoulder. "Oh God," murmured Carole looking at them. Her tears were falling over her face. Then she turned to her son again. The nurse came back with a small glass with ice chips in her hand.
"He can hear me, I talk to him and he moves," explained Carole and the nurse looked at Finn. She left the glass on the table and moved the foot of the bed so it start to move. As he inclined, Finn moved his lips again and they were able to see the movement of his eyes behind the eyelids. "He's waking up, right?"
"It seems like he is," said the nurse smiling and took the glass. "Mr. Hudson?" she talked to Finn but he didn't move. "Can you hear me?" she asked, but nothing happened. "Don't worry, it's pretty normal. When they're waking up, it takes them a moment to get out completely from their sleep," she explained and Carole nodded. "Mr. Hudson, I'll give you some ice, ok?" she said, but Finn didn't answer.
The nurse took one of the ice chips and put it slowly in Finn's mouth. He moved his lips as if he was trying to drink from a straw. The ice started to melt with the warmth of his mouth and he drank the liquid awkwardly wetting his chin a little. Kurt let go the grip from the metal bars and walked slowly, the nurse looked at him with a small smile.
"Can I?" asked Kurt nervously and she nodded giving him the glass with the ice.
"Sure, just be careful that he doesn't choke and don't give him too much," she explained. Kurt took a piece of ice and put it in Finn's mouth. He moved his lips again and Kurt chuckled, amazed by the reaction "I'll be in the hall in case you need me, alright?" said the nurse and left the room.
"Talk to him," whispered Carole. Kurt looked up, as she encouraged him with a gesture of her head. Kurt just kept giving him the ice chips and cleaning his chin with his other hand. Burt walked to them and stood behind Carole, his hands on her shoulders. "Come on, Kurt. He'll love to hear your voice," she said. Kurt doubted for a second and then cleared his throat.
"Finn?" he whispered, but nothing happened. "Hey, it's me, Kurt. Can-can you hear me?" he asked but Finn just moved his lips. He gave him more ice and he drank the liquid. "Finn?" he talked firmly and Finn moved his head. Kurt smiled,"Can you open your eyes?" he asked but he didn't. "Please, try to open them, I know you can," he whispered and Finn moved his eyes not opening. Carole inclined the bed again, rubbing his cheek and she asked again. Finn's eyes opened a bit, but closed inmediately. He moved his lips although he didn't drink the liquid. Kurt put the ice in the glass and gave it to his dad, then he took Finn's hand.
In that moment, the doctor came in followed by the nurse. He smiled at them and approached Finn from the other side of the bed.
"He's waking up, uh?" he asked looking at his patient and grabbed a grabbed a small light from his pocket. He then turned it on to look at Finn's eyes. He closed his eyes with force and the doctor smiled. "I think someone is awake," he murmured and Carole made a joyful squeal. "Ok, Mr. Hudson? Can you open your eyes?" he asked and Finn made the same movement of his head "Well, he can hear me, that's pretty good. Alright, I know you want to stay and I'll let you if you stay there and let us to do the exam."
"Exam?" asked Burt nervous but walking with Carole and Kurt to the wall in front of the bed as the doctor as asked them.
"Don't worry, it's a cognitive exam. He's waking up very well and I want to check all his functions so when he's finally up I'll go with the answers. You can't intervene in the exam, I need him to show me what he can do or not, okay?" he said and the three of them nodded. The nurses grabbed the table next to the bed and put a small bag on it.
"Mr, Hudson, do you understand me?" asked the doctor with a very firm voice and Finn moved his face. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" he asked again very slowly and Finn repeated the move, this time inmediately "I'm Dr. Olse, you're at the hospital, do you understand?" it took him more seconds but Finn finally nodded "Good. Now I'm going to ask you to open your eyes, please" Finn moved his eyes but he didn't open, he moved his lips but didn't say anything "It's okay, I know you're tired and that's perfectly normal."
The doctor walked to Finn's legs and moved the blanket that were covering them. One of the nurses gave him a tiny reflex hammer and a metal pole, Kurt frowned, not recognizing the second tool.
"Mr. Hudson, can you hear me?" asked the doctor and Finn nodded, his head's moves were becoming stronger every second. He was definitely starting to wake up."I want you to move your head or try to tell me, if you can feel this." He passed softly the pole over his left leg but Finn didn't do anything. Kurt crossed his arms trying to not get nervous, then the doctor repated the moved in the other leg but he didn't do anything.
"Come on, Finn, come on," Burt whispered very softly, next to Kurt.
A nurse passed the doctor a small syringe and Kurt opened his eyes but didn't say anything. He didn't want them to kick him out of the room, but were they going to inject him? The doctor poked a bit of the needle in his left leg and Finn jumped with surprised opening his eyes a bit. Then he moved his head repeatedly. The doctor wasn't injecting him but it might have felt like that, and Finn hated injections.
"Very well, Mr. Hudson. You just needed something stronger, can you feel it here?" he asked and did the same in his other leg. This time, Finn moaned and shook his head "You couldn't feel it?" asked the doctor frowning. Finn nodded and then shook his head opening his eyes a bit more but it was still so little that it was impossible to see his eyes.
"He felt it and he wants you to stop," he said and the doctor looked at him, confused. "He hates needles," Kurt explained with embarrassment, but the doctor just nodded.
"Alright, no more needles for now, I promise," he said to Finn, who opened his eyes a little more. "Here you go, you're doing it fine." Finn opened his eyes completely. Kurt held his breath and smiled, Finn's eyes, his beautiful eyes, those eyes that he loved so much were open again. There had been so many times in the past weeks when he had thought he wouldn't see those eyes opening again and looking at him. Now he was, still tiredly and not all awake, looking around. Kurt wanted to kiss him, and tell him how much he loved him. The doctor walked to Finn. "Hello," he said. "Can you see me?" he asked and Finn nodded focusing on his face. "Perfect." He smiled to Carole, she was crying silently while Burt was holding her hand and he was crying too.
"Ok, I know you have lots of questions, but I need you to finish, alright?" said the doctor and Finn nodded. He hadn't looked at them yet, he probably hadn't noticed they were there. "I want you to move your toes slowly," he said and looked at the foot. Finn closed his eyes breathing deeply and then he moved them, he moved his toes. "Excellent! Now tried to move your fingers, but just your left hand. Your right arm is injured and I don't want you to hurt yourself." Finn frowned and moved the fingers slowly making a face of pain, but he moved all his fingers.
Burt chuckled wiping his tears and putting his arm around Kurt who was crying too. He was smiling and not able to believe it, it was like a miracle seeing Finn moving and opening his eyes, and he didn't seem to have any problem understanding.
"Great, Mr. Hudson," said the doctor. Finn nodded, not opening his eyes "I need you awake a few minutes, I know you're tired but just few more minutes, alright?" he asked and Finn nodded opening his eyes. "Now, your throat is inflamed because you had an intubation, and I know it hurts, but I want you to try and talk, can you tell me your name, please?"
Finn opened his lips but didn't say anything, he moaned and licked his lips looking around and coughed, one of the nurses took the glass with the ice that Burt had left next to the coffee. Finn drank fast from the liquid closing his eyes. His left arm moved, but he could take the ice but dropped the hand clearly tired for the move. Kurt was amazed with all Finn was doing, it was like see him reborn and every move he did it was like a little miracle. The nurse stopped giving him ice at the gesture of the doctor. Finn didn't seem happy with that but the doctor smiled.
"You have to go slowly, now try again, okay? Can you tell me your name?" he said. Finn sighed and after a few attempts, he whispered with a very rough voice
"F-Finn Hudson"