Title: Losing My Religion (6/?)
Author: hermyone_mex (ChindyAlo on tumblr)
Beta: Ca-Bas
Pairing: Finn/Kurt
Rating: PG-13 for now
Warnings: Angst and angst.
Disclaimer: Glee belongs to FOX and RIB and Chris Colfer and Diet Coke and Llamas and Cory Monteith and Canada. I just want to write Kinn, ok? leave me alone.
Summary: Finn and Kurt are married, they have a daughter, they love each other. They have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and never go back to be the same.
Special notes: The idea of this fic came to me way before Cory's tragic death. I don't want to offend his memory by the general plot of this fic and I'm committed to write this because I love Kinn but also because I want to honor Cory's memory. This fic has a special dedication to him.
CHAPTER SIX: HELLO, I LOVE YOU
Won't you tell me your name?
…let me jump in your game,
….blind to every eye (s)he meets.
Kurt had just left the elevator, and barely taken a few steps towards Finn's room, when a distant voice on his left called him. It was his father, who was walking up to him and, to Kurt's surprise, Kurt could see that an orderly was pushing a stretcher with Finn on it. Kurt came towards them quickly, his face etched with concern.
"Dad? What's going on?" He asked, approaching his father, but he kept walking to the stretcher where Finn was. "Are you okay?" Finn looked just fine; in fact, he smiled at him.
"Hey, dude!" He grinned. Finn looked happier, and his voice sounded far better than the day before. And, although Kurt was delighted about that, he couldn't smile him back; he just turned to his father still concerned.
"Everything is fine, don't worry. They're just going to move him to another room," his father informed him calmly.
"What? Why?"
"Yes, they're moving me to a room without oxygen!" Finn exclaimed excited.
Kurt looked at him incredulously; his eyes very wide. Burt laughed a little at the expression on his son's face.
Finn seemed to realize how strange that sounded, so he tried to explain himself. "Not without oxygen, oxygen -I'll die without oxygen." Finn cleared up his mistake, and then yawned.
Kurt's face was priceless. "I don't get it," he murmured still looking at Finn.
"What Finn means is that they are moving him to a room without an oxygen conduit, or so they said. Apparently very few rooms on this floor have machines with ventilators, and since Finn no longer needs them, they are moving him to a new room." Finn nodded at Burt's explanation.
"Gentlemen, can you talk in the room? We're almost there, and I have work to do," interrupted the orderly. He looked very annoyed at having to stop.
Kurt looked at the man grudgingly but just nodded. They walked to the new room; it was the same size, and indeed, there weren't any ventilation machines. However, not seeing the machines in the room was bittersweet for Kurt; those machines had kept Finn alive for two weeks. But it was certainly a huge relief to know that he no longer needed them.
"Oh, cool! A t.v.!" Finn said, pointing with his left hand to the television that was on the wall opposite the bed. In the previous room, there were no electronic devices; there were only the ventilation machines and a resuscitator. In this room, though, there was even a small radio with a CD player; it was really old, but it seemed to work well.
Besides the usual chairs, there was also a sofa that sat three. It was definitely a more homey room than the other, and for some reason, Kurt felt warmer in this one, but he knew it had nothing to do with the temperature. Kurt wondered if perhaps they could fit more than two people at time in the room now. There were lots of people that wanted to see Finn, and now that he was awake, Kurt saw no reason to deny them access.
Well, the memory loss was going to be a problem, but still, he couldn't keep telling Finn's friends not to come see him if the doctor said it was ok for him to have more visitors. Kurt needed to talk to the man about it. When Finn was still in a coma, in addition to Kurt, his father, and Carole, only Mercedes and Max had come to see Finn. Kurt hadn't wanted many people to see Finn in that state. Perhaps it was because when his father had been ill, so many people had come into his room without asking Kurt, which had only made Kurt's mood worse at that time. However, this time, he had been able to control who entered the room or not; being Finn's husband gave him that authority and right.
Between Kurt, Burt, and the orderly, they were able to move Finn from the stretcher to the bed in the new room. It was not an easy task because his right arm was still immobile, and Finn had little strength; having been in a coma had left his legs and arms somewhat clumsy, and very weak. Although he had slimmed down, he was still taller than them, and moving him wasn't easy. Thankfully, they did it without hurting him, but those movements appeared to be too much for Finn, because once he was in his bed, his complexion turned a little green and his eyes shut in pain. No doubt he was dizzy and exhausted.
The orderly left without a word. Kurt settled the pillow behind Finn's head gently and fanned his face with one hand. Burt got a paper towel, and gave it to Kurt to put on Finn's forehead; he hoped that the cool water would decrease the dizziness. After a few minutes, a nurse came to the room and placed the new i.v. in Finn's left hand, and minutes later, he gradually regained his normal color.
"Feeling better?" Kurt asked softly when Finn opened his eyes again. He was sweaty, but he smiled at Kurt, and then nodded. Kurt sighed but returned the smile; he rubbed his forehead and looked around.
His father was trying to figure out how the radio worked; obviously giving them privacy. But Kurt didn't know why he bothered; it wasn't like he was going to kiss Finn or something. Finn hadn't recovered his memory, so there was not much Kurt could do to make his father feel awkward.
"Where's Carole?" Kurt asked, realizing that she was not there.
"She had to go to administration and sign papers for the room change," Burt said and Kurt just nodded. Apart from him, Carole was the only person authorized to sign papers at the hospital. Well, not all the papers, but at least most of them. Kurt had already signed the others documents when Finn had his surgeries.
"Guess what, dude," Finn said. Kurt jumped a bit, not expecting him to talk so enthusiastically that soon. He shook his head to indicate his lack of response. "I have a pin in my arm. I'm like a bionic man. How cool is that?"
Kurt frowned, not understanding what Finn was trying to say; how did he know about the pin in his shoulder? Kurt couldn't remember agreeing with the doctor to talk allow Finn about the details surrounding his injuries, much less his surgeries.
"What are you talking about?" Kurt wondered gently.
"I have a pin in my arm, dude. The new doctor came and told me that today. Oh, by the way. I think you're gonna like him," Finn said the last sentence with a playful tone. And, to Kurt's amazement, Finn winked. This time Kurt had no words to say. He just turned to his face to his father who only tilted his head slightly, in a 'Don't ask' manner.
"Wait, a new doctor? What do you mean?" Kurt asked suddenly, as it dawned on him what Finn had said. Finn rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"Dude, focus: a pin. In my arm! Didn't you hear that?" Finn exclaimed, but Kurt ignored him and instead, looked at his father.
"Well, actually it was a doctor, and a physical therapist," Burt informed him. Kurt crossed his arms and straightened for an explanation. Burt continued, "Apparently, they're going to start his physical therapy now that Finn is conscious, and not waste any more time. He needs a lot of therapy; in his arm and his hips."
"Bu-why didn't you call me and tell me they were coming to see him so I could talk to them too?" Kurt demanded resentfully, and his father sighed wearily.
"We didn't know that they were coming; they just showed up at the other room," Burt explained. "Besides, you had already told me that you were on the way; I saw no need to call you. I didn't think it would take you an hour to get here."
Finn looked at both of them, and then he spoke to Kurt. "Kurt, its fine. My mom and Burt were here, and they talked to the doctor, and to the other guy. You don't need to talk to them too. You're just my bro." He smiled casually a Kurt.
"Can we talk outside, please?" Kurt asked his father, not even thinking of Finn's words. He could hear Finn complaining, but he ignored it, and walked out of the room, followed by his father.
"Okay. What exactly did the doctor and the physical therapist say?"
"Son, they didn't say that much, really. They just came to meet us, and tell us that they'll be working with Finn to help him with his physical recovery. Everything is fine," Burt assured with a strong voice "Now you tell me, where were you? Why did it take you so long to get here?"
Kurt didn't want to drop the subject just like that; he didn't want to be left out of Finn's care, of his husband's care. However, he wanted to talk to his father about why he was late, so he let it go, at least for now.
"I was on my way here, but I decided to stop by the office and talk to my boss," Kurt explained. "I told him that if he demoted me, and put me back in administration knowing that my husband was hospitalized, I'd sue him." Kurt felt his body tense just talking about it. It hadn't been an easy thing to do, but now that Finn was awake, he didn't feel like he did two days ago when he didn't care at all about his job.
"That's amazing, Kurt. What did he say?" Burt was obviously happy and impressed. But Kurt didn't feel the same, he hated a tense atmosphere at work and he knew it would be like that from now on at the magazine. However, he did not regret his actions.
"He's not happy, obviously. But there was nothing he could do, actually. He gave me someone to help me with the next edition, and I can send my work by email for now. I won't have to go back to the magazine unless it's necessary." Kurt raised the hand that was carrying a portfolio. "I brought some papers, so I can work on them while I'm here with Finn. You were right, dad. I shouldn't have acted so carelessly about my job."
Burt smiled and shook his head, putting his arm around Kurt's shoulders. "Don't worry about it, Kurt. The good thing is that you won't lose the position you have there. Everything is getting better, see?" he said optimistically. "Hey, things take their time, you've seen that. We have to be patient, that's all."
"He keeps calling me bro," Kurt snorted. He stared at the door of the room apprehensively. But when his father shot him a look of sympathy, Kurt just sighed dejectedly. "I know, I know. I have to be patient, I have to wait, and yeah... I know, I'm sorry."
Burt sighed too, and nodded his head in agreement; he gave his son a short hug. When he let him go, Burt turned towards the room, making sure that Finn wasn't listening to them; then he looked at Kurt seriously.
"Look, son. I have to tell you something, but I want you to promise me that you'll be okay," he said. Kurt frowned; both confused and worried about what his father might have to say. "I've gotta go back to Ohio; tomorrow." He seemed remorseful and that made Kurt feel even more confused, and worried.
"Is everything okay?" Kurt asked with concern.
"Yeah, yeah. Everything is fine, don't worry," he clarified quickly at Kurt's expression. "I've gotta go back, because I have two new machines arriving for the shop that I ordered six months ago, and I don't actually trust any of my employees enough to make sure the machines are exactly how I ordered them and that they work." Burt's explanation was gruff and tinged with guilt. " I swear, if I could set back the delivery until Finn was out of the hospital, I'd do it, but I can't. I really need to go." Burt seemed really sorry to have to return to Lima at that time.
But Kurt understood that his father needed to go. Besides, memory loss or not, Finn was out of danger now. So, even though Kurt wasn't happy with the idea of his father returning to Lima at that moment; it wasn't really that bad. Kurt understood that Burt had his own responsibilities; he also was very aware that his dad didn't like to be away from his shop for that long.
"Don't worry, Dad. It's fine, you have to do what you have to do, I understand," Kurt comforted him with a small smile. "I know you can't stay here forever, and leave the shop to your employees for so long. You go. I'll be fine"
Burt didn't seem that confident. "You sure?" he asked and Kurt couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Look Kurt, I know you can take care of yourself perfectly fine. You've done that since you were a kid. But we both know that this has been overwhelming for all of us. And we still don't know if Finn is going to recover his memory." Burt spoke bluntly, causing Kurt to tilt his head down and bite at his lips. "See? I'm worried about leaving, knowing that you can't handle this alone."
Kurt looked up; he seemed hurt, but there was a look of determination in his eyes. "I'll handle it, Dad. Don't worry about it. I'll handle whatever happens, okay? You go and do what you have to do because I'll be fine."
At Kurt's continued assurance, Burt knew that there was nothing else to be discussed, so he just nodded, and hugged his son one more time. Kurt hugged him back tightly.
"Is Carole leaving with you?" he asked when they stopped hugging.
"No, she wants to stay here until Finn is discharged from the hospital."
Kurt felt relieved at that; although he wouldn't admit out loud, not right now when he had just promised his father that he'd be fine. But the truth was, he couldn't do it alone, and he knew that Carole was the one person who could help him the most with Finn right now. So it was a huge relief to Kurt that at least she'd be there.
"But won't she get in trouble if she doesn't go back to her job?" Kurt asked.
"Well, I'll go there and talk to her boss. She already called them this morning, telling them that she couldn't come back, not yet. But I'm still going to talk them in person, so she doesn't have any problems when she gets back."
"That seems like a good idea, Dad. So, when are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow morning; I called, and there's a flight in the morning. Can you take me to the airport? Carole wants to stay with Finn tonight."
Kurt wasn't very happy with that, but to be honest, it was probably best if Carole kept staying overnight with Finn. At least while he still didn't remember anything, and so that he didn't find it weird if Kurt stayed with him instead of his mother. So he agreed to take his father to the airport next morning. They both walked back Finn's room; his eyes were half closed, he was clearly falling asleep.
"Hey, you're back," he said sleepy when the two of them came in. "I thought you were lost or something." He smiled at his joke and then yawned.
Kurt returned the smile, and approached him, wanting nothing more than to lean in and kiss him. He felt the same way every time he saw that Finn was awake; talking to him, and smiling. He couldn't believe it was real, and yeah, it wasn't perfect; it wasn't everything he had wanted for the past few weeks. But now, looking at Finn and listening to him telling jokes; it was definitely more than marvelous. So instead of kissing him, Kurt resisted the temptation and just gently patted his healthy shoulder. If his hand stayed there longer than necessary, it didn't seem to bother Finn, who just smiled back, and asked him if he could turn on the t.v. since nobody had left the remote control in the room.
"Hey… Kurt?" Finn spoke hesitantly. Kurt raised his head from the laptop and the papers he had in one of his hands, one of his eyebrows raised in question. "Can I ask you something?"
"Finn, I've already told you that I can't answer your questions; not until the doctor says so," Kurt explained again as patiently as he could. Finn moaned and pouted; he actually pouted! Kurt didn't know whether to laugh or roll his eyes.
"Please, Kurt. I promise, I won't tell the doctor anything. I just want to know!" Finn's obvious frustration made Kurt feel guilty. He couldn't imagine -even when he tried- how maddening Finn's situation would be. But he wasn't about to blow everything just like that because he knew it was a risk; even if all he wanted was to tell the truth.
"Finn, stop. I can't; you know I can't tell you anything until the doctor says so," Kurt said tenderly. But he knew it was almost time for them to tell Finn the truth. The period of time that the doctor had wanted to focus only on Finn's short-term memory was about to end, and it was clear that his short-term memory was fine. The problem was that Finn still couldn't remember anything after high school. Sooner or later they would have to face reality, and figure out how to help Finn regain his memory. But the truth was, Kurt was afraid; he didn't want to imagine what would happen when all Finn's questions began to be answered; when they all told him the truth.
Kurt had taken his father to the airport that morning, so now he was at the hospital with Finn while Carole had gone to his house to take a nap and spend some time with her granddaughter. Kurt was trying to read his papers from work, while Finn was watching some cartoons on t.v. But Kurt couldn't concentrate for long; not when Finn was trying to get information from him, or when he suddenly chuckled at some stupid joke on the t.v. Although, Kurt found it very intoxicating listening to Finn laugh; Finn had these moments when he just stayed still, looking nowhere, and his mood would change to melancholy and sadness. Kurt had a pretty good idea why, and it broke his heart to know that someone who had been buried in the past for so long was now causing Finn pain again.
"I still can't believe I lost ten years of my life," Finn murmured, just as Kurt was about to ask the questions to test Finn's short-term memory like he did every hour. Kurt glared him, a bit surprised by the seriousness of his voice, and the meaning of his words. Finn was not looking up, but Kurt could see in his eyes how overwhelmed he was.
"You haven't lost anything, Finn," Kurt explained gently. "You just don't remember it because of the accident." He resisted the urge to take Finn's hand in his and squeeze it.
"Oh, really? Because I feel like I woke up in a strange world where I only know you, my mom, and Burt; and yet, you all look so different. I don't even know where I stand, and you won't tell me." There was resentment in Finn's words, and Kurt's heart felt so tight that it physically hurt.
If Kurt felt this way now when they hadn't told Finn the truth; how was he going to feel when they finally did? Kurt had been so ready to tell him everything the day before; even though he knew it was against the doctor's orders, but now he just couldn't. In fact, he didn't want to tell the truth anymore. Kurt was absolutely terrified because it was obvious that in order to tell Finn the truth, to make him believe it, they would have to explain to him why his life was currently like this. But what else could Kurt do?
"Finn, look at me," Kurt said firmly, determinedly. Finn turned his head slightly towards him; his eyes showing Kurt how lost he felt, how confused he was. Kurt had hesitated for just a second before he extended his hand to take Finn's and held it tightly. The other man said nothing; Finn just kept watching Kurt expectantly. "Listen to me, Finn. No matter what happens, you're not alone, okay? We're here for you… I'm here for you." Kurt squeezed his hand and Finn just squeezed it back, not saying anything.
Kurt looked down at their hands clasped together, and he couldn't help to feel like an idiot for hoping that it would make some sort of difference, and miraculously make Finn remember everything. But things weren't like that; holding Finn's hand, hell, not even kissing him was likely to bring his memory back, at least not like Kurt wanted it. Looking up again, he could see in Finn's gaze how much it was affecting him too; in a different way, of course, but it was also obviously very painful for Finn.
Knowing that it'd be weird to keep holding Finn's hand for any longer, Kurt let go of his hand. He tried to smile as friendly as he could, even though it hurt him that the tiny smile that Finn gave him wasn't even half as large as the one Kurt had been used to for so long.
"Thanks, dude. You've always been so cool to me," Finn admitted sounding sad, but not as overwhelmed as he had sounded seconds ago. He moved a little bit, trying to find a more comfortable position; he winced and sighed, closing his eyes. "I hope the physical therapy starts soon. I can't stand the pain in my arm, nor my hips." Finn complained as he tried to move again, but slower. Kurt stood up and walked to the other side of the bed, grabbing one of the pillows and putting it right behind Finn's injured arm so he could lean on his right side without hurting himself.
"There, there," Kurt murmured. He finished adjusting the pillow, and when Finn stopped moving, Kurt went back to the chair next to his head. Finn's eyes were still shut; Kurt stared at him, his eyes filled with sorrow wanting to say so much, and yet scared to even say a word. "I hope the therapy helps you." Finn opened his eyes and smiled when Kurt said that.
"You can come with me to the sessions if you want to, you know?" Finn said with a smirk. Kurt pursed his lips tensely, and bowed his head trying to look selfless. Finn laughed softly. "See? This is also why I want to know things. I can't even try to fix you with my therapist; you act like that, and I don't know if it's because you don't like him or because you're already taken. You could at least tell me that. I don't think it'd affect my recovery or anything." Finn smiled expectantly at Kurt.
As it had turned out, Finn's therapist was a young and very good-looking man, who was also very gay. That's why Finn had been so amused when he had told Kurt about him, but Kurt had found that annoying. Yeah, the therapist (Kurt didn't even remember his name) had been really nice to him when he had met him the day before, but Kurt didn't know how to make Finn stop this stupid mission of fixing him up with the other man. It was more than weird and surreal, especially since the only man he wanted was the one trying to fix him up; his husband. Okay, he could easily say that he had someone, but Kurt knew Finn, and he was sure that if he said that, Finn would ask questions Kurt couldn't and didn't want to answer. So Kurt just stayed quiet, and pretended to study his nails; not bothering to answer.
"Okay, if you don't say anything, I won't tell you what I dreamed about last night," Finn said after a few seconds of awkward silence. "And I'm pretty sure it was something that really happened and I just remembered it in my dream."
Kurt raised his head really quickly, his eyes wide and hopeful. "You remembered something?" Kurt didn't even try to hide his excitement and hope.
Finn half-shrugged looking at the t.v., a little smile appearing on his lips. "I might or might not. I can't tell." He looked at Kurt playfully, and while that was something Kurt loved, at the moment he wanted to slap his arm so he'd stop playing and answer properly; for him to give Kurt an answer that actually told him something. "I think I'll wait until my mom comes to visit me; I tell her so she can say if it's a real memory or just a dream." Finn continued watching the t.v.
Kurt frowned. "Finn, please. That's not fair; you know I can't tell you anything until the doctor says so. Please, what did you dream?" He knew he sounded desperate, but Finn shook his head, still looking at the t.v., his smile getting bigger.
"Nope, sorry," he replied, sounding exactly like an ill-mannered child.
Kurt moaned, and Finn chuckled.
Carole was supposed to come to the hospital in two more hours; which wasn't so long, but Kurt's patience was already being tested and he really wanted to know right now. It was obvious that if Finn had, in fact, remembered something, it had nothing to do with them because there was no way Finn would have been so calm and casual about it. He wouldn't have been talking about fixing Kurt up with the therapist again. But still, Kurt wanted to know, so maybe giving Finn a little bit of information wasn't that bad. Besides, they had a meeting with the doctor in two hours when Carole arrived. Kurt didn't need to be a psychic to know that they were going to talk about Finn's long-term memory, and they'd probably tell him that they couldn't continue to hide information from Finn. So maybe it wasn't too bad to tell him something, as long he didn't give too many details.
"Fine, you win," Kurt sighed with resignation. Finn turned to him with a triumphant smile and made a little 'yay' sound. Kurt rolled his eyes "But I can't tell you anything about you, and I have the right to remain silent if I consider it necessary. You can only ask ten questions, so you better choose them pretty well because I won't answer more than ten. And questions about you count even if I don't answer them." Kurt tried to sound more annoyed than he really was; this time it was Finn's turn to roll his eyes.
"Jeez, dude; you sounded just like a lawyer," Finn commented. "So proper and uptight." Then he opened his eyes, "Oh my god, are you a lawyer?"
Kurt snorted and frowned. "Of course not, but I know I better make the rules crystal clear so you don't try to take advantage." Kurt crossed his arms, supporting his body with the back of the chair. "And that counted as a question, so you have nine left." Now Kurt was smirking. Well, that had been easy.
"What? No, I didn't... fuck, okay," Finn said as he accepted his failure. He looked at the ceiling thinking about his next question. "Umm, okay. No questions about me. Got it. So... do you have a boyf-no wait! I take that back. You might say just no, and I wouldn't know if you're single or not. Okay, I got it, what is your marital status?" Finn turned to him with a gaze that made Kurt shiver, and not just because he was unwittingly looking at his husband.
Kurt wanted to drop the 'game' right now, but he couldn't. He was a man of his word; besides, it was still an innocent question, as long Finn didn't want to know more than that about him. He sighed.
"Married." Kurt tried to take Finn's gaze without showing anything with his own eyes. Finn seemed truly surprised, but he smiled almost immediately; a big and very honest smile. It made Kurt's heart clench.
"That's awesome, dude!" he cheered, as Kurt gave him a forced smile. "Just like you always say, or said? Whatever. Just like you wanted: 'Legally married by thirty'. You made it, Kurt. You made it. Congratulations!" Finn was so happy, but that only made Kurt feel worse. It made him feel depressed; his eyes burned a little, and he breathed deeply. He was definitely not going to cry, no sir.
"Yeah, okay, thank you," Kurt said tensely, not looking at Finn's eyes. He just couldn't handle the happiness Finn was showing just because Kurt was married; married to Finn, for god's sake. "You've got eight more, and you better not waste one asking me who my husband is, because I won't tell you." This time, Kurt's voice sounded firmer but he couldn't help it.
Finn was now looking at the wall, clearly thinking of his next question.
"Okay. I guess there's nothing I can ask about that, though," Finn said, a little dismal. However, he quickly brightened as he seemed to have something to ask.
Kurt bristled with nervous anticipation.
"Are we still in Ohio?" Finn asked and Kurt breathed a sigh of relief. He had been afraid that Finn would keep asking about his marriage, or even worse, if he had kids. Kurt didn't think he could talk about their daughter in this way.
"No, we're not," Kurt said. "You've got seven"
"Cool. We're not Lima-Losers," Finn said joyfully.
Oh-oh. Kurt hadn't thought of it before, but if Finn had asked about Lima then, he'd definitely ask...
"So, are we in New York?"
…that. Crap!
"I-I can't answer that," Kurt said, looking at the t.v. and trying to avoid Finn's eyes. This had been a terrible idea; talking about NY would mean talking about the past, about Rachel, and about what had happened then. No, it was too much. He shouldn't have started this stupid game in the first place.
"So that means no," Finn said, and Kurt didn't look at him.
"It means, I'm using my right to remain silent, Finn. So stop asking about it." Kurt knew he was being rude as he crossed his arms. "You've got six questions." He could hear Finn's sigh.
"Fine!" Finn exclaimed, clearly annoyed. It was quiet for a few moments, and when Finn spoke again, his voice was whisper soft, like he was afraid to ask. "Is she there?" It took Kurt several seconds to figure out whom he was talking about. This was unbelievable! Rachel again? Finn seemed to see the annoyance in Kurt's face because he added, "It's not about me; since you already told me she and I are not together, I don't seem the harm of you telling me if she's in New York or not." Finn sounded as angry as Kurt felt.
"Are you really going to waste your questions asking me about Rachel Berry?" Kurt asked bitterly. Finn shrugged and did not even answer. Kurt huffed in frustration. "Yes, Finn. Rachel is in New York. Happy?"
"Yes, I'm happy," Finn replied with the same tone. Kurt snorted, which only made Finn angrier. "It's what she always wanted! She has always fought for that, and even though it makes me sad to know that we didn't work out, I'm happy that at least she made it to New York."
A tear fell down Kurt's cheek. Fuck, he hated crying; more so in this situation.
"Well, she's there on Broadway, as she always wanted, so be happy!" Kurt almost yelled, as he stood up from the chair and walked to the bathroom, but he didn't go in. He just wanted stay out of Finn's sight so he could clear his tears.
"What's going on?" Finn asked, annoyed, but Kurt didn't turn to him. Finn lost control. "I'm sorry if talking about Rachel makes you so angry, Kurt. But you've got to understand that for me, she still my girlfriend. I still love her, and knowing that we're not together, even after I proposed to her it kills me. But it's good to know that at least she made it to New York." Every word Finn said was like a whip across Kurt's skin. And when Finn said he still loved her; Kurt wanted to slap not only Finn, but himself as well.
"This was a terrible idea. I can't answer anything else," Kurt walked quickly to the chair and grabbed his portfolio. He had to get out of there or he was going to do or say something stupid. "I've gotta go"
"What? No!" Finn managed to extend his left hand and take Kurt's arm before he could walk out the door. "What's going on… Why are you crying?" He sounded worried now, not angry anymore. Just really worried, and that made Kurt cry more, but he shook his head and tried to pull his arm away, but he couldn't. He didn't want to hurt Finn if he pulled his arm too hard.
"Finn, please; let me go, I have to go," Kurt begged, not looking at him. He tried to control the tears but he couldn't. He just could not stop thinking, stop hearing Finn's words, how his husband had said he loved someone else. "Please!"
"Kurt, why are you crying?" Finn asked softly, not letting him go. "You didn't make it like she did? You're not on Broadway like Rachel? Is that why you're crying?" Finn was trying to understand.
Kurt laughed at Finn's questions, but it was a bitter laugh mixed with the tears that wouldn't stop falling. "Yeah, that's why." Kurt felt the weight of the like on his heart as he wiped his face with his free hand. "Can you let me go now, please?"
Finn's grip was tight though, so Kurt looked over at Finn, begging him with his eyes. But Finn just shook his head, his eyes full of sadness and regret. He used his grip on Kurt's arm to push him back into the chair. Exhausted from fighting with his feelings, Kurt sat down and only then did Finn let him go. Kurt didn't move from the chair, he just kept his eyes downcast, breathing deeply.
"I'm sorry, Kurt. I didn't..." Finn sighed and he extended his hand towards Kurt. After a few seconds of thinking about it, Kurt grabbed onto it, his eyes still wet and red. "You deserved to make it to Broadway, to New York, as much as Rachel did. I don't..."
"Can we not talk about that, please?" Kurt interrupted, tiredly. Finn nodded after a second. "I just... I don't want to talk about New York or Rachel, please." Finn nodded again and squeezed his hand.
"I'm an idiot," Finn murmured. Kurt chuckled, denying it by shaking his head. "Yes, I am. All of this was because of me."
"Don't worry, I... I shouldn't have started this game. The doctor is going to kill me if he knows I was giving you information." Kurt gave a resigned shrug in Finn's direction.
"I won't say anything if you don't, dude. I promise." Finn finally let go his hand. "Anyway, I think you're going to be mad because I'm pretty sure that my dream is not even a memory, though it felt so real." Finn's confession was tinged with regret, causing Kurt to laugh again.
"What was it?" Kurt asked, trying not to get angry.
"Umh well, it was prom. But there were dinosaurs everywhere, dude! There were even dinosaurs with Cheerio bodies! I mean, their heads were dinosaur heads and they had human bodies dressed like Cheerios." Finn made a face while he was explaining all of it, like he couldn't believe what he was saying. "And I was the Prom King and Rac... well, she was the Queen. And umm... oh yeah! You crowned me!" Now Finn was excited, telling the story. "That was the best, man!"
"It's not a dream; it actually happened," Kurt said softly, smiling sadly at the memory. Finn looked at him curiously, unable to believe it. Kurt sighed, "Brittany was the school president, and she decided to make the theme of our Senior Prom Dinosaurs." Kurt rolled his eyes in amusement. "It was certainly the craziest prom in the history of McKinley, but it was actually pretty fun. And yes, you were the Prom King, and I crowned you." Kurt smiled at that particular memory.
"Oh," was Finn's eloquent reply. "Cool"
"Yeah. Cool," Kurt repeated, studying Finn's face.
So, if Finn remembered prom, it meant he should also remember his failed attempt at getting married and Quinn's accident. But it didn't seem like he did; maybe Finn was getting random memories. Kurt was afraid to ask; besides, Finn was comfortable now and it was probably better to wait until they talked to the doctor later.
"So, umm, Kurt?" Finn asked a few minutes later. Kurt looked at him, but Finn didn't talk immediately; he seemed hesitant, so Kurt encouraged him with a raised eyebrow. "Can I ask you something else? I promise it's not about her or me. It's just something I really want to know."
Kurt wasn't sure if it was appropriate to answer anything else, but Finn looked really curious and genuinely innocent, so Kurt nodded softly.
"Okay. Are you happy? I mean, with your husband?" Finn asked. Kurt's heart began to beat fast, his eyes going wide. "You don't have to give me details; I just want to know if he's good to you, if he makes you happy."
Kurt's felt pain at Finn's inquiry, but he managed to smile, even if it was with deep sadness. "Yes, he makes me very happy." Kurt was able to answer honestly. "He's the best husband in the world."
Finn smiled widely. "Good, that's good… You deserve the best"
"The new tomography shows that he's recovered just fine, and there's no a permanent damage after the accident and the two surgeries." The neurologist pointed the scan that showed Finn's brain. The fracture in his cranium was visible, but apart from that, everything looked normal.
"Except that he doesn't remember the last ten years of his life," Kurt commented sarcastically. Carole nudged him in the ribs and he looked at her scandalized, but her expression was enough to calm him down. "Sorry, doctor," Kurt apologized, and the man just shook his head.
"Don't worry," he said coldly. "I know that you're all frustrated with Mr. Hudson's current loss of memory, but this is good news."
"How?" Carole asked, really confused.
"Because this means that his memory problem can be treated in a specific way and that there's a high possibility of Finn recovering his memory," explained the other doctor. She was a woman that had been sitting next to the neurologist in silence up to that point. Neither Kurt nor Carole had seen her before; she seemed as cold as the other doctor, although maybe a little bit nicer.
"I'm sorry, but who are you?" Kurt asked and Carole nudged him again. But he didn't look at her this time, and kept staring at the unknown doctor. Hey, at least he hadn't said: who the hell are you?
"I'm Doctor Wang; I'm going to be Finn's therapist," she explained with a tiny; really tiny smile that disappeared immediately.
Wang? She had no visible Asian traits, so Kurt found her last name very bizarre. Not that he really cared, but it was still odd.
"Finn already has a therapist. He talked to us yesterday; his name is Charlie Everard, I think." Carole looked and sounded as confused as Kurt felt.
"That's the physical therapist," the neurologist said and then pointed at Doctor Wang. "She's a neurological therapist, and she's going to help Mr. Hudson with his memory."
"But, what about you? Can't you help him with that? You know his case better than she does." Kurt rushed all of his concerns out quickly.
"I do, but I'm a neurosurgeon and surgery is what I do. Doctor Wang, on the other hand, specializes in neurological therapy; that includes memory therapy, which is what Mir. Hudson needs now"
"But how does that work?" Carole asked. She didn't seem as disturbed with the change as Kurt.
"Well, there are different ways to help someone to recover their memory; it all depends how bad the damage is and how much they don't remember. But it always involves an approach that includes memories from both the past and the present, combined with medication, and sometimes even psychological treatment. However, I can't determinate the exact treatment that Finn's going to receive until I talk to him, and run a few tests," Doctor Wang explained very slowly, allowing Carole and Kurt to absorb what she was saying.
Well, she seemed cold, but she was definitely warmer than the other doctor, which was good, since she was going to try to help Finn with his memory. Kurt didn't think that having Finn in a bad mood was going to help him.
"This appointment was so that you could meet her and to let you know that I'm not going to be Mr. Hudson's doctor anymore. He'll need another tomography in three months to check his brain function, but it's more routine than anything." Carole and Kurt nodded at the neurologist.
"So do you think Finn can really regain his memory?" Kurt asked the new doctor. The neurological therapist glared at him seriously.
"I can't tell that at this point. The brain is an extraordinary organ, it has the ability to repair and replace missing or damaged parts. Finn is young, so his brain is capable of doing great things. But that's not a guarantee he'll regain his memory." She was honest but not as rude as the other doctor. "But I'll do everything I can to help him and this time you're going to be able to help him, as well. Family support is a determining factor when it comes to memory therapy."
At least this was really good news. For Kurt, knowing that he finally would be able to help Finn recover was something that Kurt had been waiting for since the beginning; he couldn't stand looking at Finn and not being able to help him. He was going to do everything he could to help him recover their life together. This was not only for Finn; it was for them, for their marriage, for their daughter, and for their family. He wasn't going to give up; he wasn't going to stop trying until they were back to what they were before this nightmare started.
"We'll do everything you ask us to," Carole assured with the same determination that Kurt felt. He nodded in agreement "We just want our Finn back," she said sorrowfully.
The neurological therapist sighed, and looked at them with a serious expression.
"I know you want that, and you're looking for that, but you also need to be realistic," she said with a tone that Kurt didn't like. "Even though you can see in the scan that Finn's brain seems to be perfectly fine; you need to remember that he had a very serious accident, and the fact he had been put into a coma is not the best for brain recovery. Sometimes, a person who ends up in a come the natural way, and I say natural even when it has been after an accident, has more of a chance to regain their brain function, than a person who was put into a medical coma on purpose." She tried to explain everything as clearly as possible so they would understand.
"But the… doctor," Kurt pointed at the neurosurgeon "He said it was for his best and..."
"I'm not saying Finn didn't need to be put in a coma," Doctor Wang explained quickly, before Kurt or Carole lost control against her partner. "Finn needed to be put in the coma or he was going to die. But I'm telling you the real facts. He was still in a coma even after the drugs were retired from his body. What I'm saying is that you need to be realistic; you can have hope, but you need to keep in mind that even if Finn recovers his memory, there's a huge possibility that he won't recover it completely. I don't want you to feel like he won't, but I'm warning you that this is not going to be an easy road for anybody, and there will be moments where one of you could want to give up, even he might want to give up. The fact that he's going to need physical therapy is not the best either, because both therapies require a good attitude from Finn, in order to recover. Everybody has a limit, and these kinds of treatments are always pushing people to their limits; not only the patients, but also their families and closest friends."
A heavy silence fell in the office where they were. Kurt was not actually surprised by what the doctor had said, but it still hurt him knowing the possibility that all his fears may be real knowing that Finn might never recover his memory. And Kurt really didn't know what he was going to do if they were told that Finn's injury was permanent and irreparable. Because the Finn that was now in his room several floors up, the Finn that had said hours earlier that he loved Rachel Berry, the Finn that felt like he did not fit in the current world because his whole being was rooted in the past; that Finn was not his husband.