LOSING MY RELIGION
Title:Losing My Religion (7/?)
Author:hermyone_mex (ChindyAlo on tumblr)
Beta:Ca-Bas
Pairing:Finn/Kurt
Rating:PG-13 for now
Warnings:Angst and angst.
Disclaimer:Glee belongs to FOX and RIB and Chris Colfer and Diet Coke and Llamas and Cory Monteith and Canada. I just want to write Kinn, ok? leave me alone.
Summary:Finn and Kurt are married, they have a daughter, they love each other. They have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and never go back to be the same.
Special notes:The idea of this fic came to me way before Cory's tragic death. I don't want to offend his memory by the general plot of this fic and I'm committed to write this because I love Kinn but also because I want to honor Cory's memory. This fic has a special dedication to him.
CHAPTER SEVEN: GLORY DAYS
Now he just sits on a stool down at the Legion hall
but I can tell what's on his mind.
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well times slips away
and leave you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days.
"So I'm not going to recover my memory? Ever?" Finn asked; his eyes were wide, showing his fear.
Carole, who was sitting on the corner of the bed, gripped Finn's uninjured shoulder and stroked it, trying to comfort him. Kurt was standing in front of them, supporting his body with the wall behind him; he wouldn't meet Finn's eyes.
"We don't know that yet," Doctor Wang explained. "What I'm saying is that your lack of memory isn't from the shock of waking up after your time in a coma. It means that it might be a result of the injuries from the accident, or maybe it's a side effect of being in an induced coma."
Finn didn't say anything; he was trying to understand what she was saying. Kurt was now looking at him frowning, but not really focusing on Finn. Kurt was preparing himself for what was to come. He had said no at first; he had argued with the doctor and Carole. His stepmother didn't understand why he was suddenly so reluctant to give Finn details about his life.
But it wasn't that difficult to understand; not really. Yeah, he had been almost begging to tell Finn everything, he had been dying to tell Finn all about their life, their marriage, their daughter… everything! But hell, at the time, he also had hoped that by telling the truth, Finn was going to recover his memory immediately, and everything was going to go back to normal, just like that. Kurt thought he was going to have Finn, his Finn back in his life easily.
Sadly, he could see now that it was impossible. And Kurt didn't need to be a genius to know that the moment they finally told Finn everything, about his life and whom he was married to; everything was going to fall apart. The situation was going to become even more difficult for everyone. So now, Kurt was wishing he could be anywhere else, and silently wondering again why the hell this was happening to him; to all of them.
"How am I going to recover my memory? Am I… are you going to operate on me again or something?" Finn looked confused and lost; it was a look that Kurt knew too well. But it wasn't the same lost look that Finn had had worn at eighteen, although his eyes, what they showed, were the same. Kurt sighed dropping his head one more time, not wanting to keep seeing Finn like that.
"I'm afraid this cannot be fixed with a surgical procedure," Doctor Wang said, giving Finn a small smile. "We're going to start with the simplest method we have, which, sometimes is what works the best in patients like you."
"And that is…?"
"Telling you everything you don't remember," she explained. "From the tiniest details to the biggest."
Finn's face suddenly brightened, a smile appearing. He also seemed so relieved and excited for the first time since he had woken up.
"So, are you finally going to tell me everything? Are you going to answer all of my questions?" Finn turned his eyes to his mom and Kurt, who was still looking at the floor. Even though he knew that he had Finn's speculating eyes were on him, Kurt didn't say a word.
"Yes, Finn, we will," the doctor replied. "But not all at once. You might be feeling much better now, and you're no longer in danger, but you are still recovering. You must consider that you just woke up from a coma, so things need to go slowly." She spoke calmly, making sure that Finn understood what she was saying.
"But now we can start to fill you about the events from the last ten years of your life that you don't remember. Hopefully, you will begin to remember things as the new information is processed by your brain."
Even though it wasn't the answer he wanted, Finn sort of bounced happily towards his mom. Carole was also happy, but her eyes weren't as bright as Finn's.
"Well, I'm sure that that it'll help a lot!" Finn assured them, very optimistically. "I'm pretty sure that I'll start remembering things when you tell me stuff."
"Yes, that is always very helpful for some patients, but I need you to fully understand what I'm saying Finn." Doctor Wang seemed obstinate in pointing out the not so great parts of the 'memory recovery process'. "You'll need to go back to the life you had before the accident. Sometimes, knowing things is not enough to remember. The brain needs to revisit the places it was used to before the injury to provoke memory recovery. You might be surprised by this, but memory is a system that is triggered by the senses more than actual information." If nothing else, she spoke with a true passion about her work.
Finn frowned giving her a funny look. One that Kurt knew meant Finn wasn't getting her point.
"I… I don't get it, sorry," he exclaimed loudly, clearly embarrassed. But the doctor just smiled again; clearly not making fun of him.
"It's ok. Basically, you might remember more if you return to the places you used to visit often. Getting a chance to use your other four senses, there is a better chance that you'll remember more easily, than someone just describing things for you. Each person has their own perspective of everything, and it doesn't matter if someone gives you the best description of something, it'll never be the same image your brain already has created; even if you can't recall it. Creating a mental image is not just about what our eyes see, what we hear, or smell. How we create that image, the perception, is dependent on the mood we are in."
Finn paid attention to her explanation; he was clearly less confused now, and after a few seconds, he finally nodded. "That actually makes sense." Finn didn't sound as happy as before but was still hopeful.
"I want you to know all of this because I don't want you to get frustrated if you can't remember things as soon as people tell you about them. It's very important to be patient." She looked at Carole and Kurt as she spoke, her eyes emphasizing her words. They stayed on Kurt; who, however, did not budge under her stare. The doctor smiled softly at Finn again. "Unfortunately, you won't be able to go the places that might help you to recall things right away. You can't leave the hospital until your orthopedist gives you the okay. Meanwhile, we, and by we, I'm not only referring to you and I, but also to your family; we will need to work here, okay?" She waited for everybody to agree, including Kurt.
"So… can we start now?" Finn asked anxiously. "I really want to know a lot of things."
Kurt held his breath and bit his lip.
"Yes, Finn; we can start now, but slowly," the doctor said. "First I want you to tell me what you already know, what you have figured out by the things your family has told you, or by what you've seen since you woke up."
"What… why? How will that help me at all?" Finn once again was frustrated at this new condition.
Kurt, likewise, looked at the doctor truly curious as to her reasoning.
"I want to see how much you… let's just say, how much you can catch up," she explained.
"Catch up? Like, what have I figured out already?" Finn asked. He clearly did not understand what she was trying to explain.
"Not exactly like that," she said. "What I want to know is if, when you to tell me something you already know, and how you figured out, if it triggers something else in your mind. Does that make sense?"
Finn nodded slowly, but he didn't look too sure. It seemed like he didn't trust this new approach the doctor wanted to use, so he expressed his concerns.
"I do understand, but I… I'm sorry that just seems like it won't work," Finn complained. He sounded like a child, but it was very obvious that he was tired of this whole situation, even if he had been experiencing for a shorter period of time because of the coma.
The doctor sighed, clearly not wanting to explain herself again.
"Okay, we'll do it your way," Finn agreed, although not happily.
Kurt smiled to himself when the other just gave up. He knew Finn wasn't as stubborn as he was, especially in front of an intimidating figure like Doctor Wang.
Finn grimaced at first but then he began to talk. He stared at the sheets between his fingers as he talked. He knew it wasn't 2012 anymore, he also knew he had graduated from high school, and he was no longer with Rachel, but he admitted he didn't know why they had broken up. When he mentioned Rachel, Carole reached out and touched Finn's knee but said nothing. Kurt didn't want to meet Finn's eyes, so he kept pretending to look at the floor.
Finn talked and talked, and the more he talked, the calmer he became. Finn also mentioned that he knew Kurt was married but didn't know to whom.
When he said that, Carole couldn't help but gasp in surprise, she looked at Kurt accusingly. Kurt knew his own expression was tense and when the doctor gave him a look but didn't say anything; Kurt didn't know what that meant. Luckily for them, Finn was still staring at the sheets, so he didn't even notice.
"Well… I also know that I'm still working at the shop because that's where the accident happened the one that put me here." He sighed. "I can't believe I'm still there, though. I always… I always believed I'd make it, that I was going to make it out of Lima and that job at the shop; that I wasn't going become a Lima Loser. But, it doesn't matter where I live; I still work in a shop…!"
Not longer able to watch Finn looking so defeated, Kurt stepped forward. It was time for him to set Finn straight about his career at least.
"But you made it, Finn. We-you're not a Lima Loser, you own the shop where you work," Kurt exclaimed firmly. "You made it out of Lima, and you have your own business! You're not a loser at all." Kurt didn't care if he was already breaking the doctor's rules; giving Finn this information wasn't exactly 'starting slow', but Kurt was not going to let Finn believe the worst of himself, not when he knew how much this affected Finn.
Finn's eyes focused on Kurt's; his pupils were shining with hope. Kurt couldn't help but smile at him, hoping to give him even more comfort. Surprisingly, the doctor didn't seem angry with Kurt at all. Kurt started to believe that, maybe, she trusted him enough to give him the liberty to decide what to tell Finn now, and what not to tell Finn yet. She had seen how worried Kurt was about what was going to happen now. She seemed to agree with Kurt, to not tell Finn about them right away. He was grateful and relieved to have her support in the matter.
But Kurt knew this was only temporary and they'd have to tell Finn sooner than later. However, he was going to hold on to this peace between him and Finn for as long as he could.
Kurt was going back to Finn's room after he had eaten a quick lunch when his phone rang. He stopped in the middle of the hallway and frowned; he didn't recognize the number of the call on his cellphone.
"Hello?" Kurt answered, still frowning.
"I'm gonna kill you, Hummel. Why haven't you called me? Finn almost got killed and you don't even bother to call?"
Kurt sighed, and then groaned. He stepped over to the side of the hallway, so he wasn't interrupting the people walking around.
"Noah, what a pleasure to hear your lovely voice," Kurt responded with his own best bitchy yet sarcastic tone.
Kurt heard the other man snort.
"Do not even turn this on me. How could you…?"
"Noah, this is not the best time to talk about Finn's accident; especially over the phone," Kurt interrupted him, exasperated. He continued walking towards the elevator; his brain working quickly. He knew this would not be the end of it. He knew Noah Puckerman quite well.
"Oh, but if you would come down to the lobby of the hospital, I'm sure we could talk in person. If that's really what is bothering you so much."
Kurt stopped his walking again, this time more abruptly.
"What?" He almost shrieked. Almost. "You are here? In Dayton?"
"What else did you expect me to do when Mercedes told me about Finn's accident?" Puck asked sounding very angry. "Did you really expect me to stay at home and wait for your call? Wait for you to finally call and tell me how my boy is doing?"
"Oh," Kurt murmured. He was so going to kill Mercedes.
"Look, Noah, I'm sorry, okay?" Kurt apologized, almost genuinely. "I cou-didn't want this to be spread all around when things were so unsure. And, honestly, I really didn't have the time or even the thought of remembering to call all Finn's friends." He knew that what he was saying wasn't entirely true and that he had messed up by not calling Puck before.
"I'm his fucking best friend, Hummel. He is my boy, I had the right to know what happened to him!" Kurt could tell by the serious tone of Puck's voice that he was hurt.
Kurt sighed. "Yes… you're right. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have kept this from you. I should have told you… I'm really sorry, Puck." Kurt barely used Noah's nickname, not anymore. But he did use it now, to break down the wall that had existed between them since they had graduated from high school.
"You're coming down to the lobby, right? I can't get in without your permission," was all Puck said in reply to his apology.
Kurt didn't want Puck to see Finn. Things were so vulnerable right now. Finn was asking more and more questions as the hours passed, and Kurt didn't know how Puck's presence would affect everything. Kurt also didn't know what exactly Mercedes had told Puck and, to be honest, he didn't feel like rehashing everything that had happened since Finn's accident.
But Puck was, indeed, Finn's best friend. Even if they weren't as close as they used to be when they were younger, they still trusted each other as they always had. Kurt shouldn't be thinking about what he wanted, he should be thinking about Finn's needs.
"Yes, I'm coming," he replied before hanging up.
Just like that, when Kurt thought things couldn't get more complicated, Puck showed up and threw a monkey wrench into not only Kurt's life, but Finn's, as well.
Kurt hoped that Puck had come alone. He knew he would not be able to handle the presence of Puck's wife; not now. It wasn't that he didn't like Quinn, he loved her dearly, but adding in one of Finn's ex-girlfriends would only complicate things. This was already too intense.
Noah Puckerman was standing next to the front door of the lobby. He was wearing a suit, and even though Kurt had seen him in formal clothes several times, it was always a bit of a shock. Kurt would never admit it out loud, but he'd always miss the mohawk.
To Kurt's relief, Puck was alone. Kurt could also tell that Puck came directly from the airport as he had a small suitcase at his feet. Kurt instantly felt more guilty. Puck's eyes were filled with hurt and there was real concern etched into his face. Kurt wondered how terrible he must have looked, because as he approached, Puck seemed to calm, slightly, his anger decreasing as Kurt moved closer.
"Hi," Kurt said very awkwardly. He always felt that way with Noah. They just didn't have anything to talk about, apart from Finn. They were friends, in the strictest sense of the word, but they knew their friendship hinged on Finn.
"Hummel," Puck replied as a greeting. He took a deep breath, exhaling loudly. "What the fuck happened?" It was obvious the question had been knocking around his head from the moment he had heard about Finn's accident.
Kurt held his breath for a couple of seconds. This was exactly what he didn't want to do; to explain everything that had happened. But he felt like he didn't have another choice.
"Why don't we go to the cafeteria and talk there?" Kurt suggested. "The story is kind of long." When he saw that Puck wasn't so sure, Kurt added gently, patting Puck's shoulder in what he hoped was seen as a friendly gesture. "Besides, I suppose you didn't even eat anything before coming, right? Come on, I'll treat. It's surprising, but the food is actually not that bad."
Puck snorted, but nodded his head and followed Kurt down the corridor.
On their way to the cafeteria, Kurt called Carole and asked her to stay with Finn longer. He explained how Puck had arrived in Dayton, wanting to see Finn. Kurt was grateful that Carole agreed not to tell Finn that Puck was there, not yet anyway.
Puck barely ate his sandwich and chips; he was so in shock. His appetite was all but forgotten as Kurt told him about Finn's accident; the injuries and the surgeries. When he got to the part about the coma, Kurt could see that Puck already knew about that. In fact, it was the only thing Puck knew. When Kurt finished the story, they both remained silent for a few minutes.
This time, Kurt hadn't cried as he recalled all the awful details from the past few weeks. But he felt tired, and kind of dizzy. Puck's face had been set like a rock the whole time; his jaw was so tense that Kurt was surprised it hadn't broken.
"Fuck." Puck finally said. He was paler than Kurt could ever recall seeing him. That made Kurt feel even more guilty. He could see how much Puck cared about Finn. How much this affected him. They really were like blood-brothers.
"Yeah… Fuck," Kurt whispered. He drank from his cup of coffee.
"So, now what? Are we just going to wait for him to remember everything?" Puck asked, his anger coming back very quickly. "What kind of crappy medicine is that?"
Kurt knew that Puck's angry outburst wasn't directed at him specifically, it was directed at the whole situation. Kurt shared Puck's anger and frustration.
"Apparently, it's the only choice we have now." Kurt shrugged, and Puck snorted.
"And what happens if he doesn't remember?" Puck asked. "Are you going to keep pretending that he's still eighteen?"
"Of course not. I just told you, Finn already knows what happened," Kurt explained a little exasperated. "Now we're checking to see if he remembers things as we start giving him more information. Sadly, it hasn't worked, not yet. But it's still too soon to lose hope and give up." Kurt knew his own tone was not very convincing.
Kurt truly didn't know why he felt the need to justify himself, or the doctor's choice to Puck. Although it was something Kurt felt he was constantly doing. For instance, he always felt the need to justify his actions to Carole when it concerned Finn. Kurt felt like he needed to show Carole that he truly loved her son, even though he knew deep down Carole did not doubt him. But Puck, who would kick anyone's ass for Finn, who was so aggressively protective of Finn, Kurt felt like he needed to show Puck that Finn was safe with him; that he could, he would, also protect Finn.
But Kurt wasn't the only one who felt this way; Finn was exactly the same way with Kurt when it came to Burt and sometimes even with Mercedes. It had cost the two of them so much to be together, they were constantly demonstrating to everybody that their relationship was real and serious. To prove that their love was real and that they would always protect one another. Sometimes, Kurt couldn't believe how much had happened since their relationship had started. And now, remembering the way Finn looked at him earlier, it was as if none of it had ever happened.
"He still doesn't have a clue about the two of you, huh?" Puck asked, guessing at Kurt's exact thoughts.
"I haven't exactly found the perfect moment to drop that bomb," Kurt replied. He didn't raise his eyes from his cup of coffee; he couldn't look at Puck.
"Oh, you won't find the perfect moment," Puck commented, "That kind of information is never really expected, you know?" His rough voice was back, and Kurt really hated it when Puck talked to him like that.
"I'm sorry, but I don't want my husband to suddenly detest me, or be afraid to be close to me," Kurt responded coldly- glaring at Puck.
Puck chuckled roughly, which only made Kurt angrier.
"Did you just say, 'husband'?" Puck asked sarcastically. "That's kinda weird, don't you think? I'm pretty sure that if I go right now and ask Finn who you are, he'll say you're his 'step-brother', or 'brother' if you're lucky." His eyes were full of mischievousness. "But I'm pretty sure he won't say 'husband'."
Kurt wanted to punch Puck at the moment, but instead he breathed deeply, and counted to ten before he said something. "Do you really think I'm not aware of that?" Kurt squeezed the cup in his hand with such force that a few drops of cold coffee fell onto the table. Kurt's eyes radiated anger, but Puck seemed neither impressed nor scared. "You honestly don't think I have to bite my tongue, literally, and not tell him the truth each time he calls me bro?"
"Whatever, dude," Puck shrugged. "You're only wasting your time by playing 'guess what' with Finn. You know he hates when people are not honest with him; you know he hates it when people tell him half of the truth, because to him it's still a lie."
"Oh, yes," Kurt smirked, without a trace of joy. "You know perfectly well how much Finn hates it when he has been fooled, right?" Puck pressed his lips together tightly, causing Kurt to smile wider knowing he had won this small battle.
After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Puck finally spoke up. "And you know that lying to Finn almost cost me his friendship." Kurt didn't say anything, and Puck chuckled his eyes weirdly bright. "Do you really think he's going to recover his memory if you -or anyone- give him crappy little details? Do you actually believe that if you tell him that he owns a shop, or that he doesn't live in Lima anymore, Finn will miraculously remember everything else?"
Kurt stared at Puck- truth was, he wasn't sure what he thought anymore about Finn's chances to recover his memory.
"You know what I think, Kurt?" Puck leaned on the table, looking Kurt right in the eyes. "From what I can see, you could go and tell Finn that you are a rock star and he's your manager, and he'd still believe you. He'd believe anything you'd say, and you don't even appreciate that." Puck's voice was bitter. "You're so stubbornly obsessed with your fears of Finn rejecting you, that you don't see the reality."
Kurt blinked rapidly trying to process Puck's words, but he couldn't make any sense out of it. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He truly didn't understand Noah Puckerman sometimes.
"Finn trusts you, man," Puck said sitting back in his chair, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter if he can't remember a thing about your marriage. He has trusted you since before the two of you were actual friends."
Kurt frowned still not understanding where Puck was trying to go with this. "I just…" Kurt didn't know what to say.
Puck rolled his eyes in exasperation. "You think the worst part of this situation is that he doesn't remember your marriage or even that the two of you are a couple." Puck said sarcastically. "Imagine trying to convince him about it if you were a complete stranger to him."
Kurt opened his mouth in surprise.
"He is going to be pissed, and in shock and everything, but you two have a history, man," Puck explained. He was calmer now, obviously noticing that his message was getting to Kurt. "Finn's not stupid; he'll get it, eventually, and he'll believe you."
Kurt was stunned; he couldn't believe that Puck was actually speaking like that. Puck was basically pushing him to go and tell the whole truth. "What if he never gets it?" Kurt asked expressing his worst fears. "What if he doesn't recover his memory and never sees me as his husband again?"
Puck didn't even blink when he answered, "You move on."
Move on? Really? Move on from our marriage, from everything we have been through together? Move on from the family we built? And why? Because of an accident that happened in the blink of an eye? It wasn't fair! There should be a way to fix this! Kurt thought. He just couldn't get used to the idea of letting go of his husband just like that.
"I don't think I could move on, Noah. I wouldn't know where to start."
And then, an unwelcome reality came to his mind. Kurt thought about his mother; how she had died so young when she still had so much to live for. She had left Burt alone and a kid that was too little to understand why his mom wasn't coming home ever again. Not even to say one last goodbye. And Carole had been trough a similar thing as Burt. Finn had been so young that he didn't even have honest memories of his father, other than a spot in his heart, and an absence that had always affected him.
In both cases, Carole and Burt had moved on. It hadn't been fair losing their partners; it hadn't been fair that two kids had lost so much being so young. Kurt was sure that if Carole or Burt had had a choice, they wouldn't have moved on, they were too broken to do it. But they both had done it; they had had a huge reason to move on.
And so did Kurt. Finn wasn't dead, but that didn't mean their path was clear. Kurt was still in a position where "moving on" was one of many paths he could follow. Even though it hurt to admit it, he knew that if he had to, he'd end up moving on. For Elizabeth's sake, and his own.
"You'll it figure out; you always do, Kurt." Puck said, giving him a tiny smile.
"Dude, where were you?" Finn asked as soon as Kurt returned to the room.
The t.v. was on but silent; the cartoons were back on again. Kurt didn't see Carole, but there was a light under the door of the bathroom was on so he guessed she was in there.
"I got busy talking to someone," Kurt explained. He put his stuff on the chair next to the door. "How do you feel?"
"This place is deathly boring," Finn sighed. "And my arm started hurting again. I'm also getting tired of the bandage on my head; it's hot!" Finn's whining reminded Kurt of a small child.
Kurt walked to him, putting his hands on the supports of the bed. He gave Finn a tiny, comforting smile. Finn did not even look up at him.
"You're such a child, Finn." Kurt teased.
"I'm serious! Even the t.v. is not fun and I…," Finn grimaced. He quickly looked at the bathroom door and lowered his voice. "I can't even go to the bathroom. Dude, how am I…? I mean, was I wearing a, you know, a diaper?" He seemed traumatized even thinking of it.
"Oh, um… not exactly," Kurt murmured, avoiding Finn's eyes.
Finn grimaced, he seemed deeply embarrassed. "Gross."
The doctor and nurses had taken out all of the catheters that had kept Finn fed and cleaned since the accident. But apparently, Finn hadn't noticed them when he had woken up, or he had just forgotten it from the shock of waking up. Kurt hadn't been there, so he couldn't tell. But it was still surprising that Finn hadn't figured it out.
"Finn, haven't you… done that since you've woken up?" Kurt asked. Suddenly he was worried that Finn had been resisting this so long just because he was too ashamed to use a bed pan, or ask a nurse to help him.
But to be fair, Kurt hadn't thought about that either. He had made sure Finn was not in pain, comfortable, and well fed, but it never occurred to him to think about that part of Finn's bodily needs. And since he hadn't been around Finn all of the time, he hadn't noticed anything abnormal.
Finn's face started to redden. "Yeah, I have. But I only peed, not…" He didn't finish the sentence, but his face got redder. He looked so embarrassed about it, which was kind of endearing.
Kurt tried to not laugh or smile. "Finn, you shouldn't resist that need for so long, it's not healthy," Kurt informed him seriously. Finn gestured uncomfortably, clearly not wanting to talk about it. "Do you want me to bring a nurse so they can give you a bed pan to use?"
"Agh Dude!" Finn shouted in frustration. "Can't I just go to the bathroom? It's right there! This is super embarrassing."
"Having natural and normal needs is not embarrassing, Finn." Kurt rolled his eyes.
This time, he couldn't hear what Finn whispered, and before Kurt could say how ridiculous Finn was being, Carole came out of the bathroom. She smiled at Kurt and looked around the room, obviously looking for Puck, but Kurt shook slightly his head before she could ask about him.
Kurt turned his attention back to Finn. "So, do I call the nurse or what?" Finn gestured uncomfortably again. Kurt sighed; this was harder than talking to a child. "Finn, you can't just hold it forever, you know that, right?"
"Oh, did you decide to poop, honey?" Carole asked her son gently.
"Mom!" Finn yelled.
It was pretty obvious to Kurt now, that the 'Finn's needs to poop' wasn't a new topic. Seriously, how long had Finn had been holding up?
Carole chuckled at Finn's scandalized face. "I'll go for that nurse, sweetheart. I don't want you to get sick." She petted Finn's knee and walked to the door, but Kurt approached her before she could go any further.
"I can go to find one, Carole. You should go to cafeteria, remember you haven't eaten anything in hours." Kurt suggested. Carole was about to argue, but Kurt gave her a significant look that she understood.
"You're right," Carole nodded. She looked at Finn. "Honey, do you mind if I go for awhile?"
"Nah, mom," Finn smiled calmly. "It's cool, Kurt's going to be around; I'll be fine."
Kurt waited until Carole had left the room to talk about the main issue.
"Now I'll go to for that nurse, so you better be prepared," he said to Finn who only scowled at him. Kurt rolled his eyes. "Stop it, Finn. You're not the only person in the world who needs to do this."
Finn snorted. "Easy for you to say when you're not the one who's going to poop in a bed pan in front of a stranger." Finn continued to complain, but Kurt didn't bother to respond, he just left the room without another word.
Puck was sitting in a chair next to the elevators; he looked a little nervous when he saw Kurt approaching him.
"Can I go in now?" Puck asked, trying to not sound as nervous as he looked. "Carole told me that Finn's awake now, and in a good mood."
Kurt gave Puck a wry smile. He wanted to change his mind about letting Puck see Finn, but he wasn't going to do that to either of them. "Yeah, he's in a good mood. But right now he's with the nurse; she's helping him with something. When they're done, we can go in."
"Busy with what?" Puck frowned. He looked at Kurt, probably thinking that there was something wrong with Finn. Something new anyway.
"Nothing bad, I promise," Kurt told him, "but please, don't ask what."
Kurt sat next to Puck's chair; they both were quiet for a couple of minutes. It was an awkward silence, but neither of them had much to say.
"Dude, I can wait here until the nurse is gone," Puck said. "You can go with Carole while I'm with Finn." He obviously was trying not to sound bossy.
Kurt gave him a look, but then shook his head, and looked back at Finn's door. "No, it's fine. I'd rather wait. I want to be around in case Finn needs something."
"Bullshit." Puck snorted. "You just want to keep an eye on me, make sure I won't open my mouth about all your dirty little secrets." Puck crossed his arms and looked at Kurt.
Kurt avoided Puck's eyes, but his silence proved Puck was right.
"I'm not a kid, you know?" Puck said when he saw Kurt wasn't going to reply. "You don't need to watch me."
"First, I'm not hiding dirty secrets from Finn, okay? Second, I didn't say you'd…"
"Oh, come on. Be a man! You want to stay to make sure I don't go and tell him you're married to each other." Puck did seem angry now, as well as offended. "I'm not that kind of person, okay? If you want to keep your marriage as a secret, do it, I won't stop you." Puck's voice raised a little; the people walking around them looked at them and Kurt felt his cheeks reddening. "Do I agree with that decision? No. But that doesn't mean I'll go and ruin the surprise for you."
Kurt squeezed his lips. He did believe Puck. But he still didn't feel comfortable with leaving Finn and Puck alone so soon. Maybe Noah didn't intent to say anything, but Finn was going to try to get information from him. Kurt didn't trust Puck's willpower to keep his mouth shut once Finn showed him his puppy dog eyes.
"Whatever, man," Puck said. It was obvious that Kurt still didn't trust him enough to leave. "But I'm sure Finn will ask you to leave us alone anyway, and you'll have no reason to say no to that."
Ten minutes later a nurse came out of Finn's room, and told them they could go in. Kurt entered the room first, trying to look relaxed. Finn was blushing deeply, but was clearly relieved, and now he was back to watching t.v. He avoided Kurt's eyes, so he didn't notice when Puck came in right behind Kurt.
"Well, well. If it isn't princess Finn?" Puck joked. Finn turned his head so fast that his neck cracked, but he didn't seem to care.
"Puck?" Finn asked incredulously. His hand dropped the remote control into the sheets. A huge smile appeared on his face when he realized that it was really Puck.
Puck walked over to the bed, a similar smile on his face. He leaned in to give Finn a half-hug, then Puck looked Finn up down. His smile did not disappear, but a shadow of sadness crossed his eyes as he looked at the cast on Finn's right arm, and the bandage covering his head.
"You're such an idiot, you knew that right," Puck said; his voice a little broken.
Kurt leaned against the wall in front of the bed, already feeling out of place.
"Well, I don't actually remember what happened, so I can't tell if it was my fault or not, right," Finn said, still smiling. He seemed so relaxed. Kurt didn't even know if Finn noticed he was there too.
Kurt always felt out of place when he was with Finn and Puck, he also felt invisible when the two of them talked after awhile of not seeing each other. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he felt jealous as well, but not because he saw Noah as a threat to his marriage. He was jealous of the natural connection between Finn and Puck; it was a bond that he had only seen in siblings, and he had never experienced that. Which was funny and ironic, since he and Finn had been stepbrothers before they got married. But they had never had that brotherly bond. Hell, they had learned years ago that they couldn't really act like stepbrothers, much less brothers.
"Dude! What the hell happened to your mohawk?" Finn asked minutes. He reached his left hand out to scrub over the short hair that covered Puck's head. "Did your mom finally get tired of shaving it or what?"
From his chair close to the door, Kurt snorted. Neither Puck nor Finn seemed to hear it.
"Oh, man. I haven't lived with my mom since we graduated from high school," Puck commented smirking, "and I wasn't going to have a mohawk forever. I am a grown man now, don't you see?"
Kurt had to bite his lip not to snort again. Growing up meant being mature, too, and he doubted that Noah had done much maturing in all those years. Yet, Kurt was the one sitting there being ignored and feeling jealous of the interaction between his husband and his ex classmate. Who was being the immature one now, right? But it was really kind of endearing that, no matter how much time passed, or how much their lives have changed, every time Puck and Finn got together, they'd act just like when they were in high school. Even now with their current surreal situation, and things so difficult to handle, Puck was acting normally, not even bothered by the fact that Finn couldn't remember anything from their lives after high school.
"Yeah, I can see you've grown." Finn answered softly. Kurt watched Finn's eyes observing Puck's face carefully, then his body; obviously trying to find a new memory of Puck in his head.
"So… are you married?" Finn asked after a few seconds of silence.
For the first time, Noah seemed tense; he hesitated before nodding slowly, but he did not say anything. Finn's eyes were wide and bright. "Really? That's, that's awesome, man! To who?" The sadness from seeing his friend so different had disappeared from Finn's face.
Kurt had to fight himself not to intervene; he knew it would only make Noah mad, and he didn't want to push his luck.
Puck smirked. "Don't be so anxious, Finny. You'll see who, soon."
"Oh, man." Finn groaned, he seemed even more curious and a little bit annoyed "You're just like Kurt; he won't tell me whom he's married to either. I deserve to know!"
When Finn mentioned Kurt, Puck's lips tensed but then he started to laugh. Kurt frowned, crossing his arms knowing that Noah was laughing because of the talk they had had earlier.
"Oh, dude." Puck crossed his arms imitating Kurt's posture. "You'll know who that is sooner or later, too." Puck winked at Kurt who was breathing strongly, his heart beating anxiously.
But Finn didn't seem to notice a change in the atmosphere, he just sighed with resignation. "Yeah, yeah, whatever." He was too tired to argue.
Kurt felt relieved when Finn didn't talk about his friend's marriage anymore. Eventually, the two old friends started to talk about things that had happened during their senior year. Finn was still more interested in the past than the present, which was pretty logical given that he still felt like he was living in that time.
Soon, Kurt got bored, lost in his thoughts, but after almost an hour, Carole came back to the room to tell them that visiting hours were almost over. So Puck and Kurt said their goodbyes and left Carole and Finn alone.
"I guess I should find a cab, go find a hotel, and sleep there. I don't plan on going back home until Monday."
"That's nonsense, you're staying at my place," Kurt told him, not even looking at Puck. Kurt felt so exhausted. He just wanted to get home, see his daughter, take a warm shower, and finally go to sleep.
"You sure? I don't wanna be a bother," Puck seemed honestly concerned about disturbing Kurt.
That made Kurt feel guilty again about his earlier cold treatment, but he just shrugged. "You don't be bothering me, Noah. You came until here to see Finn, I won't let you stay the night in a dirty hotel. Come on, I'm sure you'd love to see Elizabeth. She's bigger than the last time you saw her."
Puck chuckled. "Oh yes, I bet she is. That girl might not have your or Finn's genes, but I bet she's growing so fast, just like her dads."
Kurt laughed out loud for the first time in weeks.