Content warning: anxiety (direct depiction and metaphor), discussion of trauma and child abuse, self-destructive behavior (in the form of social isolation)
Btw, in response to Memmyfanartanon's review: Don't worry, that reaction wasn't rude. You are free to scream at my story as much as you want, lol. I'm concerned for Red Steve too.
I imagine that between Chp 37 and Chp 38, Red Leader was eagerly working on the potions, while Alex is by his side pestering him with worried questions and holding a cloth against his bloody nose.
Thank you for the review, as well as everyone else who has left a review!
The bedroom was simple and small – only 4x3 blocks in size and had a small window on the wall opposite from the door. It had a white bed and one chest placed next to the window. Galaxy was tucked in bed, unconscious and with an exhausted look. Alex and Time were sitting next to him, hovering their glowing hands over Galaxy, transferring some of their energy into him.
Memory sat in the corner closest to the door, anxiously tapping his foot. All he could do was watch the heroes help the Steve that he had tormented, and he could do nothing to help. With the Shadow Stone still in his system, Time warned him not to get near Galaxy. Time may have enough energy to stabilize Galaxy, but not enough to make the potion cool faster or the Shadow Stone effects disappear faster. Memory felt hopelessly useless in this mess that he caused, and he worried a bit, fearing what would happen if Galaxy woke up right now and saw him in this room.
Time glanced at Memory. "You must not be used to being so close to Galaxy and not attacking him."
Memory rubbed his neck. "Not entirely true. I was able to be more civil around him back when I worked for Illusion."
"Did you enjoy working for him?"
"It was familiar and enjoyable. Up until recently, I had never worked independently before and well, that ended with a disaster." Memory remembered how Reality suggested that they should work together as co-workers on the side of good. Memory regretted declining that offer, but he also couldn't imagine what he would do as someone who didn't serve another person.
Time looked like he was desperately trying to change the subject. "Is it alright if I ask another question?" When Memory nodded, Time explained: "Illusion told me that after a certain horrible experience, you attempted to run away from home."
Memory winced. "Yes. A few months after Void brought in Elemental, I decided to run away. I thought he didn't want me around anymore, so I thought it would be better if I found my own path, but it didn't work out and I went back to serving Void."
"Why is that?"
Memory was at the entrance of a Blue Steve village, nervously studying the road signs posted next to the welcome arch.
I can't avoid it. I have to go in there and buy coal, he told himself. I need the coal to cook food and heat up water.
He had been trekking for days, trying to reach his destination: an isolated Purple Steve village, where he could start life fresh, move into an apartment, and maybe find someone who could give him the ability to break blocks again. He had survived so far by stealing coal from Green and Blue Steve villages.
But now, the next route to his destination crossed through a Red Steve kingdom. It would take days to pass through the kingdom. Since Red Steves relied on their own fire power instead of coal, it would be harder to find coal to steal in the kingdom. He knew he could just burn wood to create charcoal, but he'd rather not drain his wood block supply when he couldn't break trees.
I have to get coal before I leave. Just go into the store, ask the worker for coal, trade with these raw porkchops, and I can leave. It'll only be a moment. He had a stack of raw porkchops, which he stole from uncollected hunters' traps during his journey.
He puffed out his chest and followed the directions to the nearest store. He found a small building at the edge of the village and entered it. He saw a counter with a tired Blue Steve nodding off to sleep, two aisles displaying products, and colorful posters that could tempt any kid into buying toys. For a moment, Memory was overcome with a faint memory of his cousins and him hanging out and buying so many snacks in a store just like this.
Memory took off his intimidating mask and approached the counter. As he was approaching it, three tiny Blue Steves slammed the door open, giggled, and raced through the store. The store worker jumped awake with a scream and angrily told the kids to shush.
The store worker then noticed Memory, who speedwalked towards the counter. "D-do you have any coal?" Memory asked.
"We have four stacks in stock."
"How much would one stack of porkchops trade for?" Memory gently placed the stack of porkchops on the counter and slid them to the worker.
The worker hummed while he inspected the pork chops, and Memory silently prayed that he wouldn't ask any questions about where he got them.
"Come ooon!" One child whined. "What's taking so long?"
Memory knew that the three kids were waiting behind him. He held his breath, refusing to look back at the kids who were definitely staring at him. They probably never seen a man bring 64 porkchops to a store. Why couldn't I had found emeralds sooner? Everyone uses emeralds because they make trading faster. I'm inconveniencing the worker and these kids.
Oh Colors? What are they thinking about me? Are they thinking I'm a slob for owning this many porkchops. Memory's hands began to quiver. He had to press them against the counter to force them still.
The worker declared, "With a fresh stack like this, I'll give you 48 coal."
"Deal!" Memory blurted out. He didn't even know if the trade was fair. He just couldn't waste any more time.
The worker put the porkchops into his inventory and pattered to one edge of a wall to rummage through a chest full of material. Memory grimaced. The stares behind him felt deadlier. He felt ashamed that he couldn't do anything to move that chest closer to the counter. He felt ashamed that the coal in that chest needed to be counted before being brought out.
After what felt like an eternity, the worker returned with the 48 coal. "Here you go."
Memory forced a smile and dragged the coal closer to him. "Thank you so much."
The worker briefly glimpsed at a window and seemed to be gauging the sun's position. "You're welcome, have a nice – " The worker looked back and screamed. "AH! TELEPORTER! WAIT, THAT'S MY COAL!"
Memory stumbled back with a panic.
The worker leapt over the counter with a diamond sword. "THIEF!"
"We just traded?!" Memory panicked.
The worker pointed the blade. "I've never seen you before! LEAVE!"
"I lost control of my power," Memory explained. "Every time someone looked away, I erased their memories of me." And now, he knew the cause of it: social anxiety. This anxiety stole what could had been a simple life from him. Originally, he had thought this constant nervousness was just an emotion he failed to overcome. But based on what Sabre and Reality told him, it was more than an emotion. It was something serious that hijacked his thoughts, his ability to breathe, his social life, and his powers. Oh Colors, how can I ever get better?
"I couldn't maintain a conversation with a merchant, a friend, a guard, or a leader," he continued. "Being unable to talk to anyone for help and being unable to break blocks, it was impossible to live on my own. I had no choice but to go back to Void, who was the only one unaffected by my powers."
Time did a double take. "Wait, you can't break blocks either?! I recall seeing hints of that from my memory restoration."
Alex grimaced. "There's a reason why Illusion begged you to not trap Memory in a machine when he asked for your help. Void Steve took his destructive powers for himself."
Time grumbled, "So Memory couldn't do anything when Void..." He trailed off.
Memory tilted his head in confusion. He knew that kind of attitude. Time and Elemental sometimes talked like that when they were growing up. And Illusion also acted weird whenever they talked about his past.
What couldn't he understand?
Time gave Memory a sympathetic glance. "I'm sorry that you couldn't run away like you wanted to generations ago. I'm just really glad that you're doing better now. Illusion helped you better control your powers, and Void's no longer here. Past you would be happy to know your circumstances have changed."
Memory cringed at those words. Time was right, but it felt wrong to feel positive, especially since he probably disappointed his past self. He had taken his changed circumstances for granted, and it ended up with him hurting Illusion.
"You have a brand new start!" Time tried to say cheerfully, but his sympathetic expression persisted. "But I know you've been stubborn with trying to bring back Void, which makes me wonder: where did that Steve who was so determined to run away from Void go?"
Memory couldn't help but stare. His past self probably would had been baffled that the moment Memory learned that Void was gone, the first thing he wanted to do was bring him back. He had never thought of his life that way before.
He hadn't been aware of a lot of things. Like the chains he had just been released from; he hadn't known they were there until now. But now, when he looked back to his past, he could now feel the grip of them. It felt alien and familiar at the same time.
He looked away. He tapped his foot faster and covered his face with his hands.
Yes, he was starting to recognize these chains. He was starting to recognized that these chains had wrongfully confined him, and yet...
...why did he long for the chains to return?
Without the chains clamping him down, he felt cold, bare, and light enough to float into space, where direction was irrelevant and you didn't know what threats were approaching. At least with chains, Memory knew he was grounded. But grounded to what? A familiar environment, he knew that much. He knew how to survive in that environment. Without the chains, he couldn't find that place.
He wished he could go back to that familiar environment. But I was forced to live like that. I had to become used to feeling like that.
Memory clenched his head, as if that would pin down and eradicate the racing, confused thoughts.
He heard Time get up and walk towards him. "Hey, are you alright?"
"...No." Memory rested his hands on his knees, unable to look at Time. "I'm upset about everything...but truthfully, I'm more upset at myself. I put myself in the situations that Void put me through, after all."
Time immediately launched up, muffling down a hiss. He clenched his forehead and paced around the room, shaking his head madly. "I'll...go check on the potion," he suddenly announced before leaving the room.
Memory and Alex exchanged an uneasy glance, but Alex looked more uncomfortable.
There was a knock on the window. Alex and Memory turned to see Red Leader waving a shimmering red potion of healing at them. Alex opened the window. Red Leader handed her the potion and scurried back to the brewing house, tripping on his face on the way there.
"Thank you! And be careful when you run!" Alex called out before closing the window and feeding the potion to Galaxy.
Memory gave an awkward cough. "Do you and that Red Steve know each other?"
Alex shifted her eyes awkwardly before admitting, "Remember that potion Sabre and I created that was supposed to kill you? Well, Red Leader also helped with creating the potion."
"Oh," Memory commented, both with surprise and disgust. "How did he help?"
"Red Leader had a recipe for a potion that drains power, but Sabre and I altered it with the illusion block to make it deadly. He gave us the recipe back when his entire village resisted the illusion. Not long after that, his village got attacked by you and Illusion kidnapped and forced Red Leader to work for him. I wanted to help the village, but Sabre said we couldn't risk blowing our cover, because Illusion thought I was on his side and Sabre was dead." Alex nervously laughed. "Almost everyone seems out to get you, huh, Memory?"
"...I'm used to that feeling."
Alex lowered her head, a dark expression now cast on her face. "I once knew that feeling too."
Memory scooted closer. "How did you escape that feeling?"
Alex smiled softly. "Sabre was the first one to show me kindness in generations."
Illusion was my Sabre, Memory commented to himself.
Alex perked up with a new urgent look. "Actually, Memory, there's something I want to tell you, but only if you're ok with me bringing up...that."
Memory flinched. "I know it so well but I don't want to think about it."
"Well there's one detail that I want to bring up. Is it ok?"
Well, I'm used to this plaguing my thoughts. I can handle experiencing it twice in one day. Memory finally nodded.
"To my understanding, when you were around your early twenties, you and Void one day saw a rift in space. What do you believe that was?"
Memory tensed. "Weren't you there when it happened? I thought you signaled Void and I to come to the mountain so you can reveal your disappointment in me."
"You're wrong, Memory."
Memory blinked. "How? You're one of them. Only they are strong enough to change visions of the future and to create rifts like – "
"Yes, I know... I was the one who created that rift, but not for the reasons you believe." Alex took a deep breath before continuing. "With Time's golden clock and Illusion's help, I was projected as a spectator into the timeline. Time ordered me to just look into your past and figure out what was happening but..." She grimaced. "I just couldn't stand and do nothing when I saw all the horrible things you went through. When Void threatened to bury you for failing to confuse Galaxy, I got so fed up that I tried hijacking the pocket watch."
Memory raised an eyebrow. "Well, Time is more forgiving to you than me when I mess with his stuff," he attempted a joke.
"That's besides the point," Alex snapped. "I was trying to hijack the pocket watch because I was trying to bring myself into the timeline to stop Void."
Memory paled. "You were trying to enter the past?!" Time would definitely hate you for that!
"I had to do something. I made a rift to enter the timeline, and that was enough to stop Void from burying you."
"So that rift in space was actually you from the future?" Memory tried to comprehend it. The rift was pale yellow, which was the color of the space outside of the timeline. So the rift being a time-travelling rift was a possible conclusion. "But how come I didn't see you?"
"I tried to get out of that rift to give Void...a talk. But then I felt a force, different but equal in my strength, close the rift and telepathically warn me to never do that again."
"Why are you telling me this?" Memory asked. "So are you saying that the rift wasn't a sign of you being disappointed at me? But what about the changed vision?"
Alex shrugged. "I can't tell you why Void received that changed vision right after I interfered with the timeline. But I can tell you that past me, who actually existed in the past, is not disappointed in you. You know why? Because I was sleeping when all of those events were happening. Generations before you were created, I entered a deep hibernation to strengthen my powers. Another one of my kind, Origin Steve, was hibernating too. There's no way that I or anyone else of my kind were awake to give Void that changed vision or even the original vision."
Memory's head felt heavy and dizzy. "I-I feel lost in everything you're saying. Are you saying I'm wrong in believing that the Colors were disappointed in me...because they were never involved in my life at all?"
"Yes." Alex nodded, but then she corrected herself. "Actually, that's not entirely true, because I did break into the timeline to get involved. I know this is too much; I don't know how Void got that changed vision or where he found the creation powers to create you. Just please take away one thing from this: the Colors didn't create that rift to announce how much they shun you. They created that rift because they wanted to save you."
"..."
Alex leaned back, brushing her orange hair back. "It's weird that I'm saying this all with confidence. I know that I caused that rift, but I have no idea what I'm talking about when I mention those...ancient guys."
"B-but you're one of them," Memory stuttered in disbelief.
"I lost most of my memories during my hibernation. I'd rather not know more about my past for...personal reasons."
"What little things do you remember?"
"Barely anything." Alex's gaze followed to the ceiling that was as blank as her memories. "Besides my ex's name and face, I can't think of any other names or faces from my past. Not even a purpose or how things began or how things fell apart. If I try really hard to think about my past though, this one thought always resurfaces."
Memory leaned in closer. "And what is that?"
"It probably means nothing, but if you insist to know...it's seven. Every time I try to think hard of my past, the one thought that constantly comes to me is the number seven. I don't know why."
Seven? Memory turned to look at the window. Didn't Lucas mention that number in his memories?
But it's just a number. Maybe it's just a coincidence...
Word count: 2984
Apologies for the filler chapter and abrupt ending.
This used to be part of a bigger chapter and I don't plan to answer the big mysteries about Six Bright Eyes in this story (planning to save that for a sequel that I'm not sure if I'll write yet). So any weird stuff in this chapter was poor planning on my part.
Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that next week, RRFF will post one last update before it goes on hiatus again :') But I plan to actively post more on Memory's Meme Hour during the hiatus!
Thank you for reading! Take care and stay safe.