"Sakura," she thought she heard her best friend's voice. It sounded very far away.

She turned to see her, tears streaming down her face.

"Are you okay? Of course not, what a stupid question" she reprimanded herself. "What happened?"

"The car… the road… Yukito… my…" she couldn't finish the sentence.

"Oh Sakura, do you want me to call your parents?" she felt her kneel in front of her but, for some reason, she couldn't see her well.

"It's too soon. I don't know what's going on and I don't want to see them. "

"Don't take it personally, Sakura, but when was the last time you took a bath?" asked my "dear" blue-haired friend.

"For your information, Eriol, I bathe every day," I replied, annoyed at his mocking.

"Don't take this the wrong way," his wife defended him. "It's just that, every time we see you, you have that shirt on."

The others at the table laughed. I just rolled my eyes. My friends and I played like this. Now it was me being the victim, but later it would be Eriol or Meiling and we would spend the night between laughter and memories. It was what I loved about my friends, we had been together for so long that we knew how to annoy each other without really hurting each other's feelings. I lived in a very structured way when it came to my clothes. On Fridays, I always wore the same shirt, and Fridays were when we normally saw each other. I had been told that having a routine would help, but I doubted it. The routine didn't change anything.

"Aunt Sakura," said a little boy of only 6 years of age. The same age he would have… no. No more.

"Yes, Aoto?" I replied smiling.

"What do you call a fish with no eyes?" He looked at me with a devilish smile, same he had inherited from his father. I smiled sincerely, the way I reserved for my nephews and my students.

"What?" I asked.

"A fsh!" he yelled before running away laughing and joining the rest of the kids, happy with our interaction.

The adults at the table laughed a little. He was the eldest son of Tomoyo and Eriol. He was a boy with raven black hair and amethyst eyes like his mother. He had the character of his father and a great affinity for music. His little sister Emi was 4 years old and was an exact copy of her mother but much more naughty.

"You teach them the weirdest jokes, Sakura," Meiling said still smiling.

She was my friend since we were in third grade. We had become inseparable since then. I had known Tomoyo since we were very little because our mothers were good friends. We met again years later thanks to my connection with Eriol. His parents and mine were also great friends and he and I grew up believing we were cousins. When Tomoyo and Eriol saw each other again as adults, it was love at second sight.

Meiling and Tomoyo met because of me and the three of us had been best friends ever since. At one point we had lived together in an apartment on the Tokyo University campus. They had been by my side in the worst moments of my life and I loved them for it.

Meiling and Kenji met at university. They also had two children, Kaito, 6, with honey-colored eyes and black hair, and Hana, 2, with scarlet eyes like her mother and hair just as black. They were typical friends who realized there was something more after several years of knowing each other. They were fucking adorable.

"But they like them and I think that's what matters. Besides, I'm incredibly funny."

They argued for a while saying that they were funnier and we joked for a while.

"Sakura," I heard Tomoyo and turned my attention to her. "Have you thought about our conversation from last time?"

I shifted uncomfortably. I looked at my hands on my lap.

"I don't know guys," I felt all their eyes on me. "I know it's been three years but the idea of going out sounds like infidelity to me."

They looked at me sympathetically.

"We have a friend who we think would be good for you. He is a lawyer and has a humor very similar to yours," Eriol suggested.

"I don't know, my husband doesn't like me going out with other men," I replied.

No one laughed. My therapist said that making jokes about it couldn't be entirely healthy, but it was the only way to keep the hole from consuming me.

"For God's sake... It's a joke!" I said frustrated. That is what I meant; My friends looked at me like I was broken. And yes, I was but I didn't want them to just see me like that.

"It was good," Kenji said after a few minutes. Then everyone started laughing. I laughed out of commitment.

"At least promise to consider the date," Tomoyo said, not wanting to let the topic go.

"Okay, I'll think about it very carefully. "

"Also…" Meiling began cautiously. "Yesterday he called me…"

"I don't want to know anything about that," I replied curtly.

"Sakura... you need to know…"

"No, Meiling. I don't need to know anything," I wanted to stop talking about it. Why couldn't she see that?

"The thing is, if you don't know, it will be too late, and you will get angrier."

"I think I'll survive."

My friends looked at me apprehensively. I wanted to change the conversation to anything else. I sighed and looked at them.

"Okay, you can give the lawyer my number. But if he looks at me with pity, I swear that I will be alone forever."

Tomoyo smiled excitedly and began talking about the man she was sticking me with. Meiling looked at me reproachfully but I decided it would be better to ignore her. They knew that Li was a forbidden topic for a long time and circumstances would not change it.

I excuse myself from the table for a moment to play with the children. Not to brag but I was everyone's favorite aunt. They loved my stories about princes and dragons. They were the same ones I had told years ago and in a way, they soothed the hole in my chest, although at night the pain returned. They would ask me about the accident sometimes and I would give them short, manageable answers. The kids didn't see me as the fragile, broken person I was. They saw me as the person I used to be, whoever I was. I didn't even remember her anymore.

I said goodbye to my friends sometime later and went home to let Kero out. Since he had been alone for a long time, I thought going for a run with him would be a good idea. I changed quickly and the idea of sending a photo to the chat with my new outfit crossed my mind.

Let's see if they stop thinking that I don't bathe.

I snorted a laugh and did so. I received a message at that moment from an unknown number. I sighed. I knew I would be Eriol and Tomoyo's friend and I had promised to try and go out with him. I looked at the photo on the tablecloth. My husband and I were on the beach, he made a face since he hated the photos and I hugged him smiling. It was one of the first photos we had taken.

You go on with your life. You will get over it and be happy with someone else.

I clenched my fists at the memory and it bothered me to think that he was even remotely right. I opened the message

Hello! I'm Daisuke, the lawyer who doesn't intend to look at you with pity. Dinner next Wednesday at 6?

I looked at the message and smiled. A new smile, somewhat ironic, somewhat sarcastic, but somehow... genuine.