Chapter 3

Warning: depiction of a panic attack.

"Mrs. Tsukishiro?"

She stood up as if there was a spring in her seat. The doctor looked tired. His expression was indecipherable, she couldn't tell if he came with good or bad news.

"That's me, " she said with a shaky voice. "Please, tell me how he's doing."

"He is stable, the worst is over. He'll be fine. They are moving him to the intensive care area and will tell you when you can come to see him," said the doctor with a faint smile.

She wanted to tackle the doctor in a hug but thought it wouldn't be appropriate.

"Thank you so much. Thank you."

At that moment she felt a void. The emptiness that came and never left. Yukito would be fine, but how would they get over what happened with Yue?

It had been a difficult day at work. Everyone had drama at recess. Everyone wanted to talk without raising their hands. I had to send one kid to the office for kicking another. The principal had decided that this was the perfect day to observe me. I was about to hand in my resignation; Thank God it was already the end of the day. One of my most problematic students approached me at the end of the day. Oh, shit.

"Miss Kinomoto?" he asked shyly. After what happened, I decided to take back my maiden name. It hurt me a lot to be called by my husband's last name.

"Tell me, Hiro," I answered in my serious voice.

"Sorry, I was bad today. Tomorrow will be better."

I wanted to cry and hug him right then and there. He handed me a note that said "I'm sorry" and walked away to join the rest of his classmates. I think I'll come back tomorrow.

That whole day had made me feel like it was a harbinger of what would happen that night on my date. I didn't have high expectations. Daisuke had given me the details of the place because I didn't want him to come to my house to pick me up. It was a precaution that I had always taken when I was young and which I did not intend to abandon, not that I had gone out much in my youth. I had Meiling ready with an emergency call in case I needed to escape. I looked at the time and ran. I didn't want to be late.

I received three messages in a row.

Li Syaoran

Li Syaoran

Li Syaoran

That was it. I finally decided to block his number, kicking myself for not doing it sooner. I didn't want to know anything more about him. I knew that maybe I was being unfair but I couldn't forget the last words he had said to me.

"Hello, Kero! " I greeted my puppy upon arrival. Kero almost knocked me down, jumping on me with excitement. "Now, now. Easy boy. Hey, I can't take you out for a run today, I have a date."

The dog was stunned as if he understood what I had just told him. I let him out to the back patio while I went up to my room to get ready. I hadn't gone out on a date in years so it was very awkward trying to decide what to wear. I knew the restaurant we were going to, but I had never been. It was semi-formal so I opted for a black pencil skirt that reached above the knee and a loose pale pink blouse. They were clothes that I no longer wore and they felt strange on me. I never dressed like that for work or to see my friends. But I kept them because they reminded me of someone I used to be. I put on light makeup, another habit I had long ago abandoned. To tell the truth, I was about to look for a tutorial but it was almost like riding a bicycle; one never forgets.

I went to get Kero and left him several dog treats so he wouldn't resent that I was going to leave him again. I scratched him behind the ear, promised I would be back soon, and headed towards my car to go to the stupid date.

The closer I got to the place, the more nervous I felt. I didn't know if they were good or bad jitters. Now that I thought about it, I didn't even know what the guy looked like. I mentally slapped my forehead and sent him a quick message telling him how I was dressed. I waited in the restaurant lobby for a moment. I had arrived 3 minutes late, but for me, it was a new record. Maybe he was one of those super punctual people and had gotten tired of waiting. Maybe I could come home, put on my pajamas, and watch a movie with Keto. It was the perfect pl...

"Sakura?"

Fuck.

I turned around and gasped. He was a very attractive man. He had somewhat messy blonde hair, light blue eyes, and dimples from his perfect-toothed smile. He had a broad back, and a square jaw, and from his black shirt, you could tell that he was muscly. Damn Tomoyo. Couldn't you have warned me?

"Daisuke, I imagine," I responded, extending my hand.

"Just Dai, it's a pleasure," he took my hand and gave it a gentle kiss. I felt myself blush slightly.

If Yukito could see me now... No, Sakura, don't do this. You can do this. Stay in the present.

"Have you ever come here?" asked Dai with a gorgeous smile. Oof.

"No, but I have heard a lot about it. Everyone says the food is delicious," I replied trying not to blush again.

At that moment, a hostess came to walk us to our table.

"Let's hope so, I can't ruin your first date. Tomoyo says you've been widowed for three years, how's that going for you?"

"As addicts say, one day at a time," I looked at him carefully, trying to detect what I was afraid of. He pulled my chair for me to sit down.

"Yeah, my wife died 5 years ago. Time doesn't make it easier, just tolerable," he said sitting down after me.

It was then that something outright stupid came out to me.

"So Eriol and Tomoyo saw us and said 'Look, these two have tragic stories, let's put them together'," I said sarcastically.

I looked down embarrassed thinking that Daisuke would leave at that moment. But I only heard a melodious laugh. I looked at him again and he had tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

He was panting.

"Sorry, I'm fine. It's just… of all the things, I didn't think you were going to say that," he was doubled over laughing and I couldn't help but laugh too. "How am I doing with the pity thing, by the way?" he asked, gaining composure.

"I think better than me. I'm sorry about your wife," I said sincerely.

"And I about your family. I can't imagine it. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Honestly? no. Not at all," I said. "I'd rather eat a habanero" That complete stranger was bringing about a long-forgotten honesty in me.

"Perfect," he replied. "What is your opinion on horror books?"

"Oh, I hate them. I'm a huge baby," I said quickly.

And so, between trivial questions and jokes, I spent a good night with someone other than my loved ones. Someone who didn't look at me like I was broken because in a way he was too. Maybe, just maybe, one day I could be as broken but functional as him.

We had a little argument about the bill. I wanted to pay my share but he said he had to do it since he had invited me. I replied that it was a blind date so technically, no one had invited anyone. The conversation was flirtatious, but I tried to keep it out of that field as much as possible. In the end, the waitress let us know that the bill had already been paid since Dai had left his card when he arrived. He celebrated his victory and I rolled my eyes.

"Thank you very much for the evening, Sakura. I had an incredible time," Dai said as he walked me to my car.

"I did too. Thanks for inviting me"

"Can I ask you out again? Eriol and Tomoyo don't have to find out," he joked as we stopped right next to my car.

I laughed a little. It felt good, it wasn't the same laugh as before but the hole in my chest was at peace.

"Sounds good. See you."

He got very close to me and I was terrified that he was going to kiss me because the only logical reaction for me was to punch him in the face. Dai went past me and opened my car door for me.

"Have a good night, Sakura."

I drove with some trepidation after thinking about what I thought would be a kiss. Then came the memories of my first date with Yukito. We went to a moon festival. I won a teddy bear that I named after him, without knowing what it would mean for us later on. The memory gave life to the hole inside of me. The emptiness wanted to consume me. I felt tears spill down my cheeks and the hole took control of my body and mind. I couldn't breathe. I was almost home and Kero would help me. He always managed to calm me down. I was a fraid for a moment, I thought I wouldn't make it.

I parked and got out of the car as quickly as I could. I began to stagger from lack of air, everything began to darken. I felt my heartbeat in my head. I wanted to throw up but I couldn't breathe, how the hell was I supposed to throw up when nothing was going down? For a second, I thought I would die right there and then.

"Hey, are you okay?" a voice asked.

I knew it. I knew it but I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe.

"Kero," I managed to blurt. "Kero"

"What the hell is a Kero?" the voice asked confused.

That's when we heard him barking. The voice took the keys from my hand and ran out to let my dog out. Kero came to me and lay on my chest. I felt my thoughts coming back into order. My breathing was back under my control. But my heartbeats... Those weren't right. I looked at the figure in front of me who was looking at me with extreme worry.

"What the hell are you doing here?"