Warning: mention of suicide or attempted suicide.

"You said it! You said it would be fine!"

Meiling tried to stop her but she lunged at the doctor with a force she didn't know she had in her. She felt arms stronger than her friend's trying to make her let go of him but this wasn't her, she was out of her mind.

"Ma'am, please understand. An embolism is something that happens suddenly. There is no way to prevent or know…" the poor doctor tried to reason with her.

"I'm alone! I'm all alone because of you! "

Suddenly something went off inside her. Alone. Her husband... her son... her little boy who was only 3 years old no longer existed. It had been taken from her by a drunk driver. Her husband had died after his operation. The desperation she felt was indescribable. She noticed the security guard's gun and grabbed it. Everyone froze.

"Sakura..." she heard Meiling say. "Sakura put that down. Don't do something stupid."

"You don't understand Meiling. I have to go with them. I'll be fine with them," she put the gun to her head. "Mom's coming, Yue.".

But everything went black without her ever pulling the trigger.

"What do you mean what the hell am I doing here? I haven't heard from you for three years. You could be dead and I wouldn't even know," the brown-haired man in front of me responded; his concern now turned into annoyance.

"Well, I'm not! They didn't let me die! Now get the fuck out of my house or my dog will attack you!"

Seeing me so upset, Kero tensed and looked at the intruder while growling. Kero was not aggressive, but he was putting on a hell of a performance.

"Right, your stuffed animal scares me a lot," he said sarcastically. "Please, Sakura. We need to talk. I won't let you leave before we've done it."

"Well, I have a pepper spray that says the opposite," I said, taking the aforementioned out of my bag and pointing it. "Leave."

He sighed and walked away from me going to a car that I hadn't noticed during my panic attack. It appeared to be a rental car. I ignored him, I headed home with Kero behind me.

"Good night, Sakura," I heard him call before I entered my house.

"Damn it, Syaoran," I sighed.

"Damn it Meiling! you could have insisted," I said desperately.

"Yes, Sakura. Because you and stubborn are nowhere near each other in a dictionary," I could almost see her roll her eyes.

"I can't believe he's here," I sighed, throwing myself onto the bed. Kero must have thought it was time to sleep because he lay on top of me, leaving me gasping for air.

"Sakura… I know you don't want to hear this but you have a long history together. I think it would be good if you talked. He was your best friend for a long time."

"Yes, until he treated my family as something replaceable."

"That's not what he meant, you know he's not my favorite person after what happened but I know he wouldn't say that…"

I hated it when she was right. But I wouldn't admit that she was right. I couldn't forgive him.

"By the way, how was the date?" I was grateful that she changed the subject.

"It was good," I said, feeling my heart speed up a little.

"That's all? You're going to leave me in the dark just because I didn't tell you about Xiao Lang? Which, if I remember correctly, you didn't let me do," she whined.

"Okay, okay. But add Tomoyo to the call. I don't want to tell the story twice."

That call was like being in college again. I hadn't dated much in high school, nor during my first years of college, but we always had calls like that when they were out with someone. I still remember the chaos that was caused when I went out with Yukito for the first time. They didn't believe I had a date so I left them in the dark about it. My phone kept ringing with worried calls from my roommates asking where I was. It wasn't until I posted a photo of my date on social media that the group chat exploded. Yukito couldn't stop laughing with each message received.

The hole in my chest gained strength but I did my technique and had Kero close.

"Well, he just talked to Eriol and said that he was very intrigued by you. He said he likes you," Tomoyo admitted.

I felt myself blushing again. It was a familiar and strange feeling at the same time.

"We haven't done this in a while," Tomoyo noted. "I missed it. We should just get together, the three of us. Let our husbands stay with the children."

"Don't worry, mine is already taking care of that," I said without thinking.

There was a dead silence and then… laughter. Laughter. I could not believe it.

"Sakura, you can't keep doing that," Meiling said between laughter and tears. "We can't be so compassionate."

"I'm glad you're finally laughing at my jokes and don't treat me as if I were defective. I hate it.

"We're sorry, Sakura," Tomoyo said, catching her breath. "Thank you for telling us. We are here for you. Always."

"Always," Meiling added.

"Always," I concluded. It was our promise. "Tomoyo, guess who showed up at my door?"

"Meiling's cousin," Tomoyo said.

"Did everyone know?" I almost screamed into the phone.

"You didn't want to know! " they both shouted at the same time, startling Kero.

After hanging up I stayed lying down without changing with Kero on top of me. I should've grabbed my pajamas but I didn't have the will. My shoes hurt my feet but it didn't matter. He had been there. After 10 long years, I had seen him again. He looked more mature, he looked like a man. His amber eyes were the same as always. I remembered them just like the day he had last seen them. At the restaurant. Our relationship had mended a little after that day but it finally broke down on the day of the funeral. And now he was there.

That was bad. It was dangerous. He had to go. I couldn't see him. I couldn't let him in. And nothing was keeping us apart aside from my resentment, and I didn't know how long I would last.

"What do I do, Kero?"

Kero looked at me as if he were scolding me for keeping him awake. I decided to stay there and not worry about my clothes. Tomorrow would be a new day. It would be a better day at work. Maybe I would talk to Daisuke for a while. And I would avoid Li Syaoran as much as possible.