I stood outside the nursery window with Paul and Rosalie. Leah's baby was born healthy, although a little premature. The doctor wanted to keep him for a few days of observation, mainly to regulate his body temperature. He had jaundice, but Rosalie explained it was common in premature birth and there was no reason to be alarmed.
"It is good for both of you to be here, though," she told us. "He needs to be held, and often, especially over the next few weeks of his life. Bodily contact helps babies thrive."
Paul nodded. "Just like he would if she…" He went silent as he blinked back tears and bit his bottom lip to control himself, keeping his eyes focused on my nephew.
Lowering her voice so only we could hear her, Rosalie said, "I'll gladly hold him when I can, but he needs skin-to-skin contact with real, human warmth." Looking sadder than I'd seen her, she added, "I can't provide that. Too cold."
I was grateful to her, anyway. All I could see or think about now was him. I didn't have parents or my sister anymore, but I had my nephew. I lost everyone else, but I had him. The two of us could face the world together. I'd protect him at all costs.
Rosalie was a godsend. She must have known Leah a lot more intimately than I'd thought. She explained everything she could, involving me in what was happening as much as possible, and had been here by my side the entire time. The last few hours would've been a lot messier without her.
Paul had just arrived at the nursery. He was much more civil with Rosalie than I'd expected. Then again, he was still so distraught over Leah that Paul could barely formulate full sentences. I'd never seen him so devastated. He was the only one who could conceivably understand how desperate I already felt. Like me, his entire focus had shifted to the tiny infant in the next room and the promise he'd made Leah as she was loaded into the ambulance.
It had been hours since the accident and Sam hadn't arrived. I wondered how things went with the redhead, but I didn't air my thoughts. I had bigger problems than the revenge I was beginning to want so much that it hurt. I reminded myself that it wasn't my nature to hate or bitterly focus on such soul-damaging goals as revenge. My parents raised me better. The vows my mother took as a medical professional were as deeply ingrained in who she was as her heritage, and she'd instilled those beliefs into Leah and me by example. I had to hold on to all they taught me. My nephew deserved that much.
"Can I hold him?" I asked Rosalie.
She smiled softly at me. "Of course you can."
She used her security badge to get us in and led us to his tiny bed. I tried to school my features as I drank him in, but the sob that left me was involuntary. Yet, still, the tears didn't come.
It's said that children are born looking like their fathers. It's nature's way of showing the father his child belonged to him, or something like that. But my nephew looked like Leah. He had her nose. His mouth was shaped just like hers. He had her long, thin fingers and the shape of her feet. He was her spitting image.
The tag on his bed read 'Baby Clearwater.' Sam probably wouldn't like that, but he still wasn't here. I hoped Sam was okay and my nephew wouldn't become an orphan.
Rosalie gently picked him up and placed him in my arms, showing me how to hold him. I was a little afraid. He was so fragile and small, and I had never held a baby before. I was rarely even around any.
I got the hang of it quickly, and he opened his eyes. It reminded me of Leah as a child, waking up from a nap on the couch as his little mouth opened wide, yawning as he looked up at me.
It seemed ironic for him to look so much like Leah at that moment, during his first little yawn, when she couldn't see it.
"Hi, Nephew," I whispered to him.
The pain and joy I felt in that moment were both so insurmountable. He was perfect. He would never meet the best people, though. He'd never go fishing with my dad. He'd never make cookies on Saturday morning with my mom. He'd never steal the spoon out of Leah's brownie mix or get to yell for his mama or feel her comfort him the way he needed. I'd teach him all about them. I would do everything they did with me with him. I would never let anything bad happen to him.
Paul tapped my shoulder after a while and asked if he could hold him. Paul's eyes were bloodshot from crying so much. I hadn't realized how much Mom and Leah meant to him until they were gone. Observing him now, I don't know how I ever missed it. Recognizing how much Paul needed to hold what was left of his best friend, I reluctantly handed him over.
I looked out the nursery window and saw Billy Black beside Charlie Swan. Charlie was still in his uniform. It was intimidating, even though I knew him on such a personal level, and it filled me with dread. They motioned for me, and Rosalie followed me out into the hallway.
"Gentlemen," she greeted them. "This is hardly the time or place for this conversation."
What conversation? I wasn't surprised by Rosalie's insight, but I didn't know what they could want that would be bad.
Charlie's face twisted into a frown. "You know we'd wait if we could."
Billy placed his hand on my back. He half smiled at me, but it didn't reach his eyes.
Chief Black was one of my father's closest friends, but he was close to my mother, too. He, like Charlie, had been a permanent fixture in my life growing up. He and Mom had gotten closer since Dad passed, too.
At that moment, I couldn't imagine how difficult this was for both of them, especially Charlie. We were all the 'family' Charlie had until Bella moved to Forks.
Rosalie led us down the hallway toward a conference room and Paul followed. I wished he hadn't. He should've stayed with the baby.
"Seth, I know today has been extraordinarily hard for you." He started. Hard was a massive understatement. "Billy will prepare your mother and Leah's arrangements."
It made sense that it wouldn't be me. I was only seventeen. I didn't know anything about planning a funeral. I didn't need to respond, because I was relieved. I simply nodded.
Billy spoke next. "I need to know where you want to stay for the next few days. That's part of my role as your temporary guardian. We can figure out a permanent placement later but for now, would you like to stay with Sam?"
The thought made me panic. Stay at Leah's house, without her? I couldn't do that. I shook my head quickly.
"I didn't think so." He replied. "You're welcome to stay with me until things calm down. You can sleep in Rachel and Rebecca's old room."
Rachel and Rebecca had both left the reservation once they graduated. I didn't blame them, but I knew it hurt Billy. He expected them to return, but neither had.
Speaking his first fully coherent sentence in hours, Paul asked, "Why can't Seth be at his own house? He's seventeen. He's home alone all the time."
"Not while grieving his entire family," Rosalie said quietly. "That kind of grief… it's better if Seth isn't left entirely alone for a few days."
Charlie nodded his agreement and Billy smiled in thanks.
Turning to Billy, I asked, "Have you heard from Sam?"
He shook his head. "Jake said Sam hasn't phased back. He doesn't know about Leah and Sue, yet. He's still trying to find the redhead. It's like he's blocking everything else out."
He hadn't caught her. The remaining monster that killed my mom and my sister was still out there. A big part of me wanted to phase right there and go after her by myself.
"I'd rather stay here tonight," I told them. "I can't leave the baby by himself."
"I'll stay with him, Seth." Rosalie offered. "And there will be other nurses as well. I promise I won't let anything happen to him."
Billy nodded. I was grateful we had Carlisle and Rosalie in our corner, even if it had taken far too long for Billy to trust either. At least he seemed to, now.
He said, "Come home with me and get some rest, son. Charlie will bring you back in the morning."
I nodded and looked toward Paul. He was usually confident and witty, always carrying a touch of sarcasm atop the chip on his shoulder. Seeing him now, looking lost, with his eyes cast downward in despair was unsettling.
Gently laying my hand on his shoulder, I asked, "Will you come with me to Billy's, Paul?"
He nodded without looking up or making a sound. He was just as broken as I was. It was the second time Paul had lost his entire family, I realized. He didn't need to be alone, either.
Charlie led all of us outside. Rosalie followed us until we got to the hospital doors where she said goodbye and took down my phone number to keep in touch about the baby. I felt bad that he didn't have a name yet. I didn't even know what Leah had planned to name him since she hadn't known the baby's sex.
Leaving the hospital felt so wrong, but I followed Charlie anyway. Leaving Mom and Leah behind without hugging either goodbye, something ingrained in me since infancy, felt wrong on many levels. It was like a part of my heart was still inside the building.
Everyone from the pack except Sam was at Billy's when we arrived. I didn't see a single dry eye. It was overwhelming, and I almost wanted to comfort them, but I didn't have the strength to be optimistic. I couldn't think about how my life was about to change either. All I could do was live in this moment and keep a brave face while everything crumbled around me. I knew I had to look up when the dust settled. But for now, I needed to be still.
Leah and Mom usually cooked for us when we were all together like this, but now we all stood around the kitchen aimlessly. We sat down and Billy took out a deck of cards. I didn't like card games, but I played anyway. It was something to pass the time.
One of the guys ran out periodically to check in with Sam. Nothing was said about what he was doing, just a simple head shake when they returned told me he hadn't caught her.
My phone was charging when Rosalie texted. Embry stood beside it and pulled up the picture of the baby she had sent. He passed it around and told everyone it was a boy. Nobody said much, but they all looked - even Paul.
Sam finally showed up after a few hours. He was soaking wet and frantic when he walked in.
"Jake, come on!" He yelled. "I have to get to the hospital! I have to get to Leah!"
Jake's eyes went wide as he looked at me. Why did he look at me? His dad was right there, wasn't he the better person to look to?
Jake didn't respond and Sam ran into the room to see all of us. Everyone that should be at the hospital now, was here. Squished together in Billy's tiny kitchen, playing a stupid fucking card game because they were dead and there was nothing there for us at the hospital. Leah's baby was there, of course. There was little we could do for him when he still needed observation.
Sam didn't have to ask us what happened. When he saw us all here, he knew. He knew I wouldn't have left that hospital if every single member of the pack tried to drag me out if they were alive. If either of them were alive, I'd be with them.
"Both of them?" Sam asked through clouded eyes.
I nodded. I couldn't utter the words. I couldn't verbally admit that my mother and sister were dead.
"The baby?" The words were barely recognizable as they left his mouth.
Embry grabbed my phone and handed it to him. He didn't look relieved. Why would he? Sure, his baby had survived, but Leah didn't. His soon-to-be mother-in-law, who had been more of a motherly figure to him than his biological mother, didn't either.
"I need to get to the hospital to be with the baby." He said. He looked at me. "Is it a boy or girl? Have you met the baby, Seth?"
"He's perfect, Sam. Looks just like Leah." I didn't cry when I said her name. I felt guilty for not crying, but I couldn't. I felt too numb, teetering on the precipice of the anger waiting to drown me if I wasn't careful. Jake tossed his keys to Sam, and he headed to the door.
"Wait," Paul said. It was the first word he'd said since we got here, and everyone turned their attention to him. "Do not be mean to Rosalie. She meant a lot to Leah and hasn't left that baby since the birth. If I find out you were unkind to her, Sam…"
"I got it," Sam said curtly. "I won't be mean to the 'hot leech'."
I scowled up at him, unable to help it. It made me sick now, hearing the pack's nickname for Rosalie. She was so much more than a Leech, so much more than her pretty face. I'd only spent a few hours with her, but I saw what Leah had seen in her. She was a good person, despite what she was. She never asked to be a vampire and did her best to help humans daily.
Sam left and Paul personally called Rosalie to tell her he was coming. She asked to speak to me, but I couldn't. I was still too rattled. Paul told her I'd call her back later. I doubted I would, but I didn't tell him that.
Jared ordered pizza for us. We were all hungry, but nobody would say it. It felt inappropriate to be worried about food at a time like this. Mom would want us to eat, though.
No one talked about the festival. Who would take Mom's place? Who would make sure everything went as planned? Would it be me? Leah would've been the likely choice if she was here. I didn't know how Mom did the things she did.
I wondered if the festival would be canceled. It should be, after the death of the organizer.
The pizzas arrived and we ate in silence. The pack wasn't a docile group, and we were rarely quiet. Even the jokers of our group, Quil and Embry, had nothing to say. Paul was back to his almost catatonic state.
After dinner, Billy asked Jared if he could see him privately. What could he need with Jared? Jared was the pack member I was the least close to. It wasn't anything he'd done, I just didn't know him well. He was friendly enough, but he was Paul's other best friend and I spent most of my time with Leah or Jake.
Leah, I thought with a sigh. I guessed Jared could be a good friend to make. He couldn't fill the void Leah had left, but I would need others to fill the spare time her loss had left me with.
Jared left a few minutes later. I didn't find out what Billy asked him to do. Billy kept asking me if I was okay, and I nodded every time. What kind of question was that? My parents were both dead now. My sister was dead. How the hell could I be okay?
Kim showed up with a casserole and some brownies. The casserole would've been nice to have before we ate pizza. I always preferred home-cooked food. I preferred my mom's food. I'd have to learn to make her recipes or never taste them again.
Jared came back right after Kim got there. He had boxes and boxes of photo albums and I knew what Billy had asked of him. We needed photos of Leah and Mom for the funeral. To them, it was a task that had to be done. To me, though, it was the most painful thing they could've asked of me. I had to look at all of my best memories with my family. The family I'd never see again appeared so lively and perfect in album after album. I tried to burn the images into my memory, so I would never forget.
I heard the front door slam and for a second it was like I thought Mom or Leah would walk in. Leah always slammed the door. It wasn't Leah.
"Where is he?" I heard the voice I'd been craving. "Where's Seth?"
I stood and headed to the living room where Bella was. Her face was blotchy and tear-streaked. She ran straight into my arms and I clung to her like I'd die if I let go.
Seeing Bella was what did it. It wasn't holding the baby, despite the choked sob that escaped me at the moment. Not telling Sam they were gone. Not even Paul's constant tears and shattered state. When I saw Bella sobbing, the anguish behind her tear-swollen eyes, something inside me crumbled entirely. Finally, I let my tears flow freely.
I wasn't sure anything or anyone would ever make it better.