The entire Weasley family, and Hermione sat in the kitchen of Grimmauld place, looks of shock and terror etched on all of their faces.
"It's not possible…" Hermione said, disbelief clouding every feature on her face. Tonks and Remus sat, hand in hand, at the head of the table, James and Lily just feet behind them.
"You know just as well as I do that it is Hermione." Remus reasoned with his brightest student, believing that she had somehow read about this spell.
"But it's never been done before…" She said, looking cautiously at the Potters, as if uncertain it was possibly really them.
"Never been done before fifteen years ago. At least never documented." Tonks reasoned with the girl, smiling slightly at the pained look as Hermione dug through her brain trying to remember everything she could.
All things considered they had taken the news rather well. There were only a few thrown hexes, and a single outburst of anger, not unlike Remus's, from Ron; he was simply angry on behalf of his best friend, as well as afraid for how Harry would respond when he found out.
"If I may be so bold as to say, we didn't really have much choice in our hiding out. But if we did we would have come clean years ago. But we vowed it, and after beating death once, it didn't seem wise to try again." James supplied the half-hearted logic to Ron, who was looking both enraged and ecstatic, rotating between the two of them.
"How long until we can tell Harry? He's been writing angry letters to the burrow, then they just stopped. He's really angry." Hermione changed the shifted the subject to say what everyone was thinking, Molly Weasley growing nervous at the look on Tonks face.
"Well, it's the fidelius charm Hermione. You can't say anything. Literally, you are unable to speak of this to anyone who doesn't already know." Tonks explained anxiously, hating that Dumbledore decided to use it on them again. Two huge secrets that they were involved in. Two more things they knew that could get them into life threatening danger if anyone found out that they knew. Molly hit the table in out of character anger.
"Dumbledore has no right!" Molly shouted, standing suddenly, looking at her husband in his seat. "These are his parents! Dumbledore has no right!" Arthur simply nodded, rubbing her arm as she sat back down. Remus didn't miss the way Lily's eyes filled with tears at the mention of Harry. There were a great deal of emotions worked through the night prior as they spoke in the library.
"We know Molly, none of us find this particularly easy, but we have to trust that Harry will know soon enough. Just a while longer until-"
Tonks words fell short as the familiar phoenix patronus floated into the room.
There's been a breach, underage magic. Alastor will arrive tonight at 6. The boy will arrive at the dog beach in early full moons time. Front deck will be played. I'll be in touch, after I establish peace with chocolate.
Hermione's eyebrows shot up, "Was that a patronus message?" She asked, having never seen one before like that, but knowing they existed. Remus nodded distractedly, looking at the confused faces around the room.
"Underage magic? It's Harry then?" Hermione was looking to Remus for her answers, which he didn't have.
"What my perception is that yes, Harry did for some reason to underage magic. Mad-eye is running a meeting tonight where we will prep to get Harry, tomorrow. We bring him here-"
"The dog beach." Tonks laughed despite herself, Sirius rolled his eyes as Remus glanced over sternly.
"Tomorrow, early full moons time. We'll have a front guard to get him? I think. And Albus will be arriving here at some point, after going to the ministry and talking to Fudge, likely about not expelling Harry as they probably already did." Remus finished the explanation, glancing at the clock. Moody would be arriving in an hour. "Everyone will be coming soon." He added for good measure, knowing this was something no one in the order would want to pass up.
Hermione shot a look to Ron before jumping up toward their old professor. "But Harry wouldn't use underage magic unless he-'
"Upstairs!" Molly called to the children, who all jumped with the same level of shock.
Ginny was immediately defiant. "Mum! We can't go now Harry needs-"
"This is order business. I should have sent you out the moment we saw the patronus come in. You have no need to be here, up to your rooms, all of you!" Knowing there was no way out of this, and that they would never overpower the Weasley matriarch, Fred, George, Ron Ginny, and Hermione trudged upstairs with speed that rivaled a slug. Tonks chuckled to herself at the moods of the kids, but grew serious as she took in the severity of the situation.
Tonks looked at Arthur suddenly, her head tilted in confusion. "Who was supposed to be on guard duty tonight? Why weren't they-"
"Fletcher!" Mad-eye Moody's voice rang out from behind her, causing the young witch to jump up, her wand pointed at his face. Remus watched, amused, as both James and Lily's mouths dropped open. No one pointed their wand at Mad-eye and lived.
"What color was my hair the night of the first true death eater catch?" Tonks asked him seriously, not lowering her wand an inch, nor commenting on the fact that he was nearly an hour earlier than they expected him to be.
"Let's see, are we talking before or after your sweet aunt crucioed you halfway to insanity?" Moody said back quickly, meeting her wand with his. Tonks pondered for a moment.
"Before." She said, with a smirk, her wand already lowering.
"Oh what was it…" The gruff man lowered his wand a hair too, "'Lapis blue' was it?" Tonks dropped her wand and threw her arms around him, a habit she had taken to ever since he had been overpowered and polyjuiced. Mad-eye patted her back, something he would only ever do to Tonks, before standing straight again and stomping his way through the kitchen. He glanced at the Potters.
"Glad to see you're finally in the open." He said to them before sitting at the table, watching with distaste as Tonks changed her hair to the wildest shade of blue Remus had ever seen. It didn't shock anyone that Mad-eye knew they were alive, and James and Lily didn't offer any explanation as to how long the older man had known.
"Dementors." Moody said without introduction, getting the full attention of everyone in the room with a single word. "Potter cast a patronus to get rid of dementors. Because Mundungus left his post." Remus was filled with rage beyond any calm, but James beat him to it.
"He left my SON?" James screamed, Tonks took a step back at the shouting, but Mad-eye made no signal of alarm. "Is he okay?" James asked, anger still sharp in his tone. Moody nodded once.
"He casts a wonderful patronus." Tonks didn't miss Mad-eye's glance in Remus's direction. Of course Lupin taught him how.
"The rest of the order will be here soon. Get what you need, we fly out as soon as we can." He dropped a list on the table of the front and rear guard.
Remus slipped out of the kitchen, ushering Tonks to follow him. They hadn't had any time alone since their run in with the boggart yesterday, and he was beginning to see that if they didn't take it now it would never come. Together they walked up the stairs and into Remus' room, sitting on the bed. All it took was a flick of his wand before the door swung shut, and a silencing charm was placed over it.
"Crucioed halfway to insanity?" Remus asked her without thinking, quoting Moody's words from just minutes before. Tonks looked up at him with her grey, circle eyes, a hint of a smile playing at her mouth.
"I'm an auror Remus, I've been attacked before." She said, still smiling, as if the prospect of her being in danger should be funny to him.
"How many times have you had an unforgivable thrown at you?" His panic was rising, he couldn't imagine how awful that must be for her.
"I don't keep count, Remus." She said, still smirking at him.
"That many?!" He was growing more and more upset with every word she said, with the casual way she referenced her near death experience. He knew she didn't like to talk about work, and usually he had to drag it out of her, but at least she should tell him this!
"Dora, I don't like…" He trailed off knowing what he was about to say would be hard, impossible to go back from. But he had to. "I don't like the thought of you getting hurt." He said quickly, looking at the bed bashfully.
Her hand slid over to his.
"Remus?" He looked up at her. Locked onto her eyes, watching as she set her guard down. He didn't think straight as his hand reached up and touched her cheek, tracing the faint white scar the stretched from the corner of her eye to the middle of her cheek bone. She took in a little gasp of air, her eyes fluttering shut.
"Dora… Tell me about your battles." He whispered, feeling his guard dropping as he looked at her, her hair slowly shifting from blue to pink as she shook her head in relation to his question. He chuckled. "Your hair, Tonks." He said, watching as her eyes opened, her brows pinching in confusion.
"What do you…" She pulled at a strand, her cheeks filling with red and she saw the pink. "It happens when I get…" She trailed off again, looking up at him, biting her bottom lip nervously.
"When you get what?" He whispered, leaning into her just a little closer. He brought his hand down, tracing her bottom lip with his middle finger. She shuddered out another breath, closing her eyes again. All reservations gone, Remus found himself leaning toward her even more. He closed the gap quickly, touching his lips to her slowly. She pulled back for a moment, not even long enough for him to move, before meeting him again, pulling her hands up to rest behind his head. He slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him on the bed.
He pulled her down with him, so that they were laying on the bed facing each other, pulling away slowly and opening his eyes. Her grey orbs stared back at him, sparking with a joy and color he had never seen before.
"Remus…" She breathed out, catching her breath from the rush of emotions she had just felt. He cut her off with a look.
"I-" he gasped in air , pulled her even closer to him so her head tucked into his shoulder and he could breathe it into her ear. He knew it was wrong, he knew he couldn't give her everything he ought to. But he lay there trying to remember what it felt like to live without her by his side, and failing.
She pulled away suddenly, looking at him. "Remus… I can't…" Her eyes were wide and sad at the same time, and for a moment he thought she was going to make him leave, tell him that she couldn't believe he would kiss her like that. But then she shook her head with a subtle smile at her lips. "I've waited nearly a month for that." She breathed on to him, as he felt her eyelashes brush his neck when she closed her eyes. He cracked a smile, realizing he had been waiting just as long. Since their first meeting. He was drawn to her in ways he knew he would never be able to explain.
It had only been a month but it felt like a lifetime. He was basking in the feeling of being so close to her, but then he remembered he brought her here for a real reason. To talk.
"Nymphadora, we need to talk about what happened yesterday, before the Potter's arrived." Remus had been vying for a chance to talk to his two friends too, but that was certainly not going to happen until at least after they got Harry, but more likely until after everyone left for school.
He felt her eyes open, and they both adjusted so they were sitting. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and her head rested on the front of his shoulder.
"You first." She said casually, still not willing to believe that the wolf boggart was hers. "And before you try to lie to me, I know my fears Remus. Werewolves didn't even make it on the list in my childhood." She added for good measure, as if she could read his thoughts.
Be sure to ask Sirius if Tonks can perform wandless legilimency. He didn't want to get distracted now by asking.
Remus took in a deep breathe, trying to decide if he could even get out the words he was trying to say. "Tonks." He shook his head. "... Dora…" She smiled at him, her hair shimmering even pinker if that was even possible. "My biggest fear is losing control and hurting you. Especially in a state where I wouldn't even care." He pulled her closer to him, his body going cold at the thought as it always did.
"We already survived one full moon together Remus, I would say it's like riding a broom. Only gets easier with time." She began to absently trace lines on his thigh where her hand was resting as she spoke. He wanted to pull away from her touch, knowing in his stomach he couldn't just blindly lead her on, but his will power just wasn't strong enough, her touch felt too good for him to think about letting it go.
He thought back to their first time together through his full moon. He didn't want to remember the stress it had put him under the days before. He was trying not to think of it now for fear of hurting himself during the transformation with the anxiety.
But he would always remember the morning after and all the good feelings that came with it. And everything wonderful about waking up with a woman beside him who cared for him and wanted to be with him, that was something he would never forget, something that he already knew he wanted to keep forever. The way she held a hot towel to the hurt parts and healed him with wandless magic that made it feel like feathers on his body.
He smiled despite himself.
"See?" She said, touching the corner of his mouth with the tip of her thin finger. He shook his head, suddenly serious.
"You don't understand, Nymphadora." He said, knowing she would soon grow frustrated with his feeble attempts at clarifying something impossible. "If I forget the potion… if one variable falls out of place you are dead and I am at fault. You are running from me… bleeding out. And I am too attracted to the scent of your blood to even care. Don't you see how scary that should be for you?"
He watched her eyes flash. Wrong question. He cringed internally.
"We won't let it happen." She said simply, her eyes filling with some unreadable emotion. He grabbed her hands in his quickly, and looked straight into her grey owl eyes. He knew arguing with her now would be futile. He had to figure out the cost, and if it was truly worth it.
Selfish, selfish, selfish.
She pulled her hands away and flicked his shoulder.
"Don't do that." She said sternly, like a mother rebuking a young child. He smirked despite himself, shaking his head.
Definitely wandless legilimency. He decided, shaking his head with a smile, trying to push away the thoughts that would cloud this most happy moment.
"We should really go back down there." She said, gesturing with her head to the shut door. She touched at her throat nervously with her hand, before separating herself from him completely and standing up with a bounce.
"What is it?" He asked her, hating the idea of anything hurting her heart and mind, wanting to keep her safe from danger both physically and emotionally.
"I have a bad feeling about this one." She said, he assumed she was referring to the Potter pick up, and felt his eyebrows pinch together.
"Are your bad feelings usually correct?" He asked, realizing he didn't think he wanted to know the real answer.
The pink haired woman didn't respond. She just smiled sadly, and walked toward the door, heading back down. Remus decided it would look less suspicious if they didn't go down together, so he waited in his room for a minute, trying not to let his thoughts go to the places they normally did. When he realized he was quickly failing he jumped to his feet, figuring that at least distracting himself from his thoughts would be better for him.
He walked down stairs, watching from the doorway as Moody and Tonks conversed in hushed tones. Mad-eye mumbled something that got a smirk and a head shake from Nymphadora before she began writing on a piece of parchment. Remus loved watching their interactions together, often wondering if she treated Alastor the same way she treated her own father. James came up behind Remus, standing next to him in the doorway.
"She's a fine one, that Tonks." James said, giving her a look of honest appreciation, maybe even wonder. "Don't mess this up." He added for good measure. But something about the way he said it sounded different from every other time it was said to him at school. Remus looked up at his friend.
"I don't plan to." He said honestly, realizing that he didn't want to imagine destroying something as beautiful as Nymphadora Tonks. "But I will consider the truth that the best thing for her could possibly be me leaving." He said, knowing he had to tell someone.
James shook his head. Remus was struck again with the similarities between him and Harry. "Remus, trust me, it's not." Remus huffed slightly, before nodding, choosing, as he often did, not to press the issue in the moment.
Tonks looked up at them, her eyes sparking in excitement. "I got a plan to keep the Dursley's away from home so we can get Harry." She said, ushering the two men over with her eyes. Remus walked over placing his hands on the back of her chair and leaning over her to read her script writing on the paper in front of her.
James read from the seat next to her and smiled in approval. "That will definitely get them out. The arrogant-"
"Don't go off on them now James, they kept him alive this long." Lily entered the room with Molly Weasley. Both had clearly been crying, and Remus could only guess it was due to the sincerity of Lily's gratitude for Molly's love for Harry, and the new friendship that had quickly formed between the two motherly women.
Mad-eye stood quickly, glancing around the room with his magical eye, on edge.
"The others are coming." He said allowing everyone to adjust their stance so the Potter's could be seen, but protected by the group.
James sighed loudly as they all did. " I see no reason why you all have to-"
"Oh shut it." Tonk interrupted him quickly, probably just a sick of the 'I don't need protecting speech' as everyone else. Mad-eye walked to the front of the house to brace everyone for what they were going to see as they walked in. Remus wondered if Albus had decided to Make Alastor the secret keeper.
Slowly but surely the order members filed in, all getting the same professorly speech from Remus about the history of Vitarme Kedavra and how the Potter's were kept hidden for so long. He had expected the shocked relief from everyone. The excitement, joy and wonder, as well as the tears and questions that felt never ending as more and more friends and members walked in. What Remus didn't expect was the reaction from Severus Snape, or Lily's audible gasp when he walked in. Severus immediately pulled out his wand, trained directly at James's face.
Remus was ready- knowing this would be impossibly hard for Snape- but evidently not ready enough. Severus, in his confused anger, threw a nasty hex toward James, who would have been hit if not for Tonks who parried it away quickly and with ease. Snape turned his attention to her, managing to duel he while watching Lily. Tonks distracted him by morphing into a younger version of the red haired woman, before throwing a body binding spell his way.
She transformed back into herself and looked at Mad-eye angrily. "What the hell?" She asked, as Remus was learning she did often when things arose that she didn't understand.
"You were doing fine on your own." Mad-eye almost lazily said before walking over to Snape and throwing him in a chair angrily. "Are you ready to handle this like a man?" Moody asked in his gruff, angry voice.
Severus didn't say anything, he didn't move. He looked on the edge of hysterics, and Remus felt for him. Severus loved this woman- yet he thought she had died. Moody looked around sadly, if Remus could say Moody felt remorse, that is.
"Nymphadora." He called. The young witch walked over, but Remus didn't miss the way her eyes widened in alarm.
"Obliviate him, please." Mad-eye said calmly. Ignoring the look of confusion from around the room. Tonks took in a gasp of air, not moving her wand. Severus's eyes stayed trained on Lily Potter who was now staring Tonks down with a wild look Remus had surely never seen in her eyes before.
"Nymphadora." Mad-eye said again, a bit more stern but nothing like his usual tone.
"Just the things that tie him to her in the way that will make this impossible for him. Think of what you did with-" Her eyes widened, and she shook her head at him, whispering something to him nervously. Her old partner needed to be obliviated upon finding out about the order and threatening to tell the minister. Tonks had an excellent hand in that kind of magic but hated it more than anything else. "I know I'm good at this Mad-Eye but you don't-"
He nodded. "That's why you need to be the one to do it." Mad-eye's tone was soft as he interrupted her, but it left no room for argument. No one made moves to do anything, just watched the interaction with curious wonder.
"Please." She whispered. Remus heard her voice break, but she moved her wand anyway, as Alastor placed an encouraging hand on her back. "Dumbledore knows?" She asked, looking at Mad-eye, and no one else in the room.
Moody nodded, Lily chose then to speak. "What are you doing?" She asked, her voice strained and concerned. Mad-eye shook his head, not moving his eyes from Dora.
"It has to be like this. Severus knew this would be coming" He said in a voice that left no room for argument. Lily turned her head into James as she cried. Snape looked up at her as she did, his own eyes filling with tears.
Tonks gave one last look at Mad-eye, before raising her wand. Snape looked up at her.
"Take it all. I don't want to do this anymore." He whispered brokenly. Tonk's eyes fell, and filled with tears, but she shook her head.
"You'll thank me one day. Even if you don't know why. I won't take who you are" She said, before touching her wand to the side of his head and mumbling the incantation. Everyone watched in awe as she pulled select pieces of his memory from his mind, placing them in the jar Mad-eye pulled from his pocket. She did it three times, before looking at Severus intently, and quickly knocking him out with a hex.
Snape was skilled in the map of the mind. He could have stopped her, but he didn't. He wanted the memories gone. Remus realized with a painful ache in his chest, he let her in, and he let her take it.
Mad-eye patted her shoulder softly, before gesturing to the door, giving her an escape.
Nymphadora Tonks ran away without looking back.
"What did you do?!" Lily shouted at him, as James held on to her, she already knew the answer, and even thought she'd nearly hated snape by the end of their time together, she'd always had a soft spot for him and was working on convincing James to repair their friendship when they 'died'.
"He'll remember everything important, except his relation to you. We'll explain why you're in hiding, and he will wonder how he never met you in his time at school. But it won't matter. He won't remember his times with James and the group. He won't hate you all so much. Because it all came back to Lily. And he would not be able to work in the group with you, he barely made it through with Sirius and Remus." Mad-eye explained, the usual angry tone gone from his voice.
Lily shook her head sadly, letting her tears fall. Sirius spoke up, his eyes trained on the door where Tonks had pushed out only moments before.
"Why'd it have to be Tonks?" He asked angrily, standing now in a way that looked rather accusatory. Mad-eye shook his head, a proud smile on his lips despite the weight of sorrow that was heavy in the room.
"She is one of the most well trained legilimens I've ever met, next to Dumbledore, Snape himself, and me. But I have a nasty habit of taking too much. And I couldn't risk it. Not only could she see exactly what she needed to, she has a gentle obliviating touch that leaves everything important." Mad-eye spoke of her with pride, his magical eye shooting up to the place Remus imagined Tonks was sitting.
He turned to Remus suddenly, his real eye lining up with the magical one.
"What's on the third floor that would get her so determined?" He asked quickly. Remus took only one second to glance at Sirius before the two men apparated upstairs to the door on the left. The boggart room.
Remus grabbed the handle but found that it was locked.
"Tonks! Stop!" He called into the room, knowing she was beating herself up for taking Snape's memories. He didn't know why, but he would do anything to figure it out so he could help her.
"Go away." She called back. He could tell by the tone of her voice that she had been, or was currently crying, he knew she wasn't an emotional girl, but she was so young and dealing with so much pressure, it would sit heavy on anyone. Sirius shook his head, transformed to his animagus self, and crashed into the door. Remus was not surprised when it flew open, figuring Tonk's spell casting wasn't at it's best with her current state of emotion.
Sirius was back to his human self, rushing over to the woman who was sitting against the closet door, which was thankfully shut.
Tonks looked up.
"They're gone." She said softly, pointing with her wand to the door behind her. Remus chose not to ask any questions on the matter in that moment, thankfully Sirius remained quiet as well. How she got rid of them was not important in that moment, though he was dying to know how she did it, as well as dying to forget the pain it probably put her through.
The girl took a slow, steady breath before looking at the two men in front of her.
"Memory spells have always been a special talent of mine. Which sucks, because I hate them more than anything in the world. I think I'd have rather used and unforgivable than…" She shook her head, Remus noticed how reluctant she was to show emotion most of the time. "Memory charms should be unforgivables. Because you can't take it back…"
Sirius walked over and sat next to her, resting his hand on her knee.
"I'm sorry you have to do that Tonksie. It's not fair to you." Remus wondered if there was another time that Tonks had to erase a memory that hurt her so bad which made this time feel even worse, but again, it didn't feel like the right time to ask.
"Snape, for all the awful that's in him, knew love because of Lily. What's it going to mean now if we took that one taste of real love from him? What if he's someone totally different because of the things I took from him? Because of the feelings I took from his brain?" Her voice was harsh and heavy, yet a whisper that both men had to strain their ears to truly hear.
There was a gentle knock on the only half closed door, and James Potter walked in cautiously.
"Hey." He said uncertainly, looking down at the three wizards on the ground. He then made direct eye contact with the two men. "Can I have a minute please?" He asked. Remus felt Nymphadora tighten beside him, but knowing James the way he did he felt himself standing; Sirius following suit.
"Remus…" Tonks began, reaching up to him. He pulled her to her feet, looking directly into her eyes.
"It'll be okay. I promise." He said, squeezing her hand, before turning and walking out with Sirius, pulling the door closed just enough that she could still see out, and see him standing in the hall waiting for her.
He watched as James slid to the ground, pulling her with him. Remus felt himself smiling for the millionth time with appreciation that his best friend was really back, remembering countless moments in school where James knew exactly how to help someone.
"Do you mind?" James asked gently, looking into Tonks' eyes carefully. She shook her head, before flicking her wand toward the door much to the surprise of Remus. It closed gently in his face
"You are a mystery, Tonks." James said with a smile, confused by her nearly all the time. "But that's not why I'm here. I'm here because I figured I could talk to you for a minute."
The pink hair bobbed as she nodded, ushering him to go on.
"Memory charms were my thing in the beginning too. I don't know if Mad-eye ever told you that. But as far as things in the order are concerned it was my thing. And I can't think of anything that has the ability to hurt a person more than taking away the memories of another, especially someone as feeling as I believe you are.
"I don't have big words of encouragement of supreme helpfulness. I wish I did. I wish I could give you the key to getting over the pain of what you didn't want to do but had to. But I can't. All I can do is sit here and thank you for hurting your heart for the sake of Lily and I, two people you don't even know and have no reason to care about. I can also sit and tell you that I really do understand what you're feeling, and tell you I'm sorry that you have to feel it." He glanced down at the woman next to him.
"Thank you." She said plainly, as he had figured she would. He didn't pry for more information, because really it didn't matter why this was so hard for her, just that it was and that he understood. He stood up, not offering to help her believing she wouldn't accept it anyway, and opened the door. Remus stood when they entered the hallway, smiling at James.
"Moody said to come down at six thirty to eat, we'll fill you in on any essentials of the meeting at dinner." James said, nodding Remus once, before turning to go down the stairs, Sirius following suit, much to Remus's surprise.
He tugged at Tonks finger, walking into his room with her, sitting down on the edge of his bed. She flopped down next to him, quickly falling on her back with a loud huff. He let the silence hang for a minute, finally getting ready to speak when her gentle voice filled the space.
"James is cool, by the way, I see why you guys were friends. I mean I saw before because of all the good you had to say about him, but now it almost seems more clear to me." She said, looking at the back of his head from her place on the bed. He nodded, agreeing, but his thoughts were elsewhere. Without full thought he blurted the question he had been pondering.
"Have you ever used legilimency on me?" He asked, making sure to keep any form of accusation out of his voice, but wanting to know anyway.
She hit his arm gently, but he could feel the frustration in the action. "Moody mentioned that did he? No, never. You're just unnaturally easy to read. But I don't just invade people's privacy for fun." He nodded, setting his hand on her knee.
"That's good to know. Thank you. You can read my mind any time. But I'll have you know, for as weak as I am in legilimency I make up for in occlumency." He looked over just as she cracked a smile.
He tugged her wrist so she was sitting up next to him.
"Tonks about earlier today. I think my… actions… were a bit… a bit rash…" Remus said, thinking back to the fact that he kissed her.
As if she would want anything to do with a werewolf. She deserves a life far better than that.
"Remus. I don't expect you to marry me just because you kissed me. I'm used to it at this point." She said, her voice holding a harshness she hadn't intended but wasn't going to apologize for. He looked at her quizzically, feeling suddenly like they were saying two very different things. He watched the walls go back up in her grey eyes and realized quickly she was thinking the opposite of what he was saying.
"No, Dora. Don't get the wrong idea here. I didn't just kiss you because I want to use you for physical... advancements," He shuddered at the thought of anyone wanting to use her like that. "Please don't ever think that." He added, tilting his head so he could catch her eyes with his own. She simply nodded, a sad smile tugging at her lips which she was trying to hide.
Her eyes were still closed off to him. He had so many questions he wanted to ask her, so many things he wanted to know about her that were becoming greater mysteries to him every second. But he held out on bombarding her with anxiety ridden thoughts. He was trying to figure out how to explain what he was trying to say when she changed the subject.
"We're going to see Harry tomorrow." She said quickly, masking any negative emotions with the joyful thought. Remus couldn't stop a smile from spreading over his lips. "How do you think he's going to take James and Lily being here?"
"I don't know yet. I mean I know he'll be excited and everything… But I also know he'll be angry and maybe even afraid. And I think that his responses will impact Lily and James a lot too. So I'm just hoping we'll all be okay to take it minute by minute." Remus said, tugging her hand in his own.
"I still have a bad feeling." She said back, twisting her fingers through his hand absentmindedly, as if it were something she had done all the time.
"It's probably dinner time." He said back, working his way to standing up. She stood with him but shook her head.
"You go. I think I'm going to just head to bed. I have work tomorrow before we head out for the mission. But I'll get all the info from Mad-eye tomorrow, don't worry." Her voice was thick with hidden feeling.
"Alright, will you be staying here tonight?" He asked, trying to keep the question neutral. She shook her head.
"I forget what my flat looks like. I ought to go home for a night." She said the words with a smile which calmed Remus's anxious nerves a bit. He nodded, and walked her down the stairs to the front door where she was going to apparate out. He knew she wouldn't want to say goodbye to anyone and make a scene. He would just explain when he got in the kitchen where she went; and he would hope everyone would understand and not give her flack about it later.
"I'll see you tomorrow then, okay?" He asked her, letting her know with his eyes that she could tell him anything. Fighting the urge to kiss her because he couldn't do that to her again.
She gave a quick nod, and pushed the door open with one final squeeze of his hand. "You will. Tomorrow afternoon, I'll be here early before we take out to get Harry." He smiled at her once more, and stepped back so she could disapparate. One look back over her shoulder and she was gone.
The night felt impossibly long without her pink hair to brighten up the dark house. Although having Lily and James back made it feel a bit more comfortable. But then danger was looming over all of them, and suddenly, what with his best friends sitting next him him and the woman he loved nowhere near him, it felt like there was a lot more to lose.